-FAMILY LIFE.

Chapter 1

What is Family Life?

1. The Foundation:

The Bible is the world's great teacher of monogamy--the union for life of one man
and one woman in marriage as the basis of the family. Whatever may be said about
the time of the writing of the books of the Bible, or of parts of them, the testimony
of the whole is incontrovertibly to the point that marriage springs from the choice
of one man and one woman of each other for a permanent family relation. Over
and through the whole of the Bible this ideal is dominant. There may be instances
shown here and there of violation of this rule. But such cases are to be regarded as
contrary to the underlying principle of marriage--known even at the time of their
occurrence to be antagonistic to the principle.

There may be times when moral principle is violated in high places and perhaps
over wide reaches in society. The Bible shows that there were such times in the
history of man. But it is undeniable that it’s tone toward such lapses of men and of
society is not one of condonation but one of regret and disapproval. The disasters
consequent are faithfully set forth. The feeling that finds expression in its whole
history is that in such cases there had been violation of the ideal of right in the sex
relation. The ideal of monogamic relation is put in the forefront of the history of
man.

2. Monogamy, the Ideal Relation:

The race is introduced synthetically as a species in the incoming of life. "And God
created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and
female created he them" (Gen 1:27). But with the first particularization of the
relation of the sexes to each other the great charter of monogamy was laid down so
clearly that Jesus was content to quote it, when with His limitless ethical scrutiny
He explained the marriage relation. "And the man said (when the woman was
brought to him), This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be
called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
(Gen 2:23,14). It is well to pause and look at the grammatical number of the nouns:
"a man," "his wife." The words of the charter hold the sexes to monogamy. The
subsequent words make marriage life-lasting. "They twain shall be one flesh." A
dualism becomes an individualism. So said Christ: "Wherefore they are no more
twain but one flesh" (Mt 19:6 the King James Version). Nothing but death
separates a man from his own flesh. Nothing but life-monogamy can find place in
the language of this charter.

There is much in the setting of this charter in the account given in Gen that is
suggestive of the fine sentiment which we know has always gone along with love
and marriage. That this account should have held the place in history that it has had
adds testimony to the fine perception of sentiment and the strong grasp on principle
out of which it came.

3. Equality of the Sexes:

Eve, "the mother of all living," comes out as distinctly as Adam on the canvas in
the portraiture of the first pair. She is the feminine representative--'ishshah--of the
race, as Adam is the masculine--'ish (Gen 2:23). The personality of Eve is as
complete as that of Adam. She is a rational and accountable creature, as Adam is.
In primitive intellectual and moral transactions she has share on equality with
Adam, and is equally involved in their results. Different physical consequences fall
on her for "transgression," because she is "woman," "the mother of all living" (Gen
3:16). But Adam does not escape retribution for sin, and it may be questioned
whether its burden did not fall hardest on him (Gen 3:18,19), for motherhood has
its joy as well as its pain, in the companionship of new-born child-life; but the
wrestler for subsistence from a reluctant earth must bear his hardship alone. It
cannot but be that much of the primitive conjugal love survived the fall.

4. Polygamy:

According to the record, monogamy seems long to have survived the departure
from Eden. It is not till many generations after that event that we find a case of
polygamy--that of Lamech (Gen 4:19-24). Lamech is said to have had "two wives."
The special mention of "two" seems to show that man had not yet wandered far
away from monogamy. The indications seem to be that as the race multiplied and
went out over the face of the earth they forgot the original kinship and exhibited all
manner of barbarities in social relations. Lamech was a polygamist, but he was also
a quarrelsome homicide: "I have slain a man for wounding me, and a young man
for bruising me" (Gen 4:23). If such acts and dispositions as are disclosed in the
case of Lamech become common, it will certainly not be a long while before the
only apt description of the condition of society must be that upon which we come
in Gen. 6:5: "And Yahweh saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth,
and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually."
Out of such condition will come war and slavery, and polygamy--and come they
did. It is a straight road from Gen 6:5 to "The Koran, tribute or the sword," and the
polygamy of Mohammedans.

5. The Commandments and the Family (5th Commandment):

The commandments (Ex 20:12; Dt 5:16) are a succinct summary of the supreme
moral relations and duties of man. The first four pertain to our relationship to God.
The six following concern human relations. Of these six, three have considerations
of the family involved in them. Commandments do not come to people ignorant of
the subjects to which they relate. A commandment to cover an unknown moral
relation is an absurdity. The text of the Fifth Commandment is, "Honor thy father
and thy mother." This refers to the relation of children to parents. This
commandment could scarcely have arisen when polygamy was a common practice,
certainly never from promiscuity. The equality of father and mother is stamped on
its face. That idea never could have had strength and solemnity enough, except in a
prevailing condition of monogamy, to entitle the command in which it appeared to
rank with the important subjects covered by the other commands. Before the gaze
of the children to whom this commandment came, the family stood in monogamic
honor--the mother a head of the family as well as the father. There is no question
about the position of the mother in this commandment. She stands out as clear as
Sinai itself. There is no cloud on her majesty. Such honor as goes to the father goes
to the mother. She is no chattel, no property, no inferior being, but the mother; no
subordinate to the father, but his equal in rank and entitled to equal reverence with
him. The commandment would not and could not have so pictured the mother had
she been one of the inmates of a harem.

6. The Commandments and the Family (7th Commandment):

The Seventh Commandment (Ex 20:14; Dt 5:18) gives the family. It secures the
home. It says that whatever children are born to the race shall be born in a home
and of the home--shall be family-born. The terms adultery and fornication have
now become synonymous. Under the influence of polygamous practices a
distinction was made in respect to unlawful sex union as to whether one or both of
the parties thereto were married or not, or whether one or both were single. Such
distinction will not hold in morals. All or any sex union out of marriage is barred
by the family idea. Outside of that all sex union is sin.
 While it is true that in the laws of Israel sex sin outside the family relation was
treated as a subject by itself, yet when we remember how early in life marriage
came in those ancient days, and that betrothal in childhood was deemed as sacred
as marriage itself, we see that even then the sweep of the commandment was well-
nigh universal and over what a broad range it protected the family. The family is
the primal eldest institution of man--the greatest and the holiest. Over this
institution this commandment stands sentry. It prevents men from breaking up in
complete individual isolation, from reverting to solitary savagery. Think to what a
child is born outside of the family relation! Then think of all children being so
born, and you have the picture of a low plane of animalism from which all trace of
the moral responsibility of fatherhood has disappeared, and where even
motherhood will be reduced to simple care during the short period of helpless
infancy, to such care as belongs to animal instinct. Put up now the idea that
marriage shall be universal and that the children born in marriage shall belong
genuinely to it, and you have a new heaven and a new earth ia the sex relations of
the race of man.

7. The Commandments and the Family (10th Commandment):

The Tenth Commandment seems almost out of place on the list of the
commandments. All the others enjoin specific acts. This tenth seems to be a fore
gleam of the Savior's method--going to the thoughts and intents of the heart. It is
an attempt at regulation in man. It goes beyond outward acts and deals with the
spirit. Its purpose seems not regulation of man in society but in him. So far as it has
outward relation it seems to apply primarily to the rights of property. We have at
common law the expression, "rights of persons; and rights of things," i.e. to
property. But the list of things enumerated in the commandment comprises the
things most common to family life: house, servants, and animals. One is forbidden
not only to take but even to desire such things. They are necessary to family life. In
this list of things belonging to a neighbor that a man is forbidden to desire occurs
the term "wife." To first thought it may seem strange that she should be listed with
property in house and chattels. But it may not be very singular. One of woman's
greatest blessings to man is helpfulness. Eve, the mother of all living, came as a
helpmeet for Adam. Sarah is mistress of domestic operations. A wife quick of
thought, accurate in judgment and deft of hand is usually the key to a man's
material prosperity. As such help a man's desire might stray to his neighbor's wife
as well as to his cattle. Even on this lower plane she is still a constituent element of
the family. Here the thought of sex is scarcely discernible. Covetousness unlimited
in the accumulation of property is what comes under ban. To treat of that matter
would lead too far astray.

It is well to remember in taking leave of the commandments that half of those

pertaining to human relations hold the family plainly in view. This is as it should
be. The race is divided equally between male and female, and their relations to
each other, we might expect, would call for half of the directions devoted to the
whole.

8. Primitive Monogamic Ideal:

The laws against adultery and incest (Lev 20 and the like) may seem barbarously
severe. Be it so; that fact would show they were carried along by a people
tremendously in earnest about the integrity of the family. Beneath pioneer severity
is usually a solemn principle. That the children of Israel had a tough grasp on the
primitive monogamic ideal is not only apparent in all their history, but it comes out
clear in what they held as history before their own began. Mr. Gladstone said the
tenth chapter of Genesis is the best document of ancient ethnography known to
man. But it is made up on family lines. It is a record of the settlement of heads of
families as they went forth on the face of the earth. The common statement for the
sons of Noah as they filed out over the lands of which they took possession is,
`these are the sons of .... after their families, after their tongues, in their lands, in
their nations.' Mr. Gladstone called attention to the fact that modern philology
verifies this classification of the nations which rests on outgrowth from families.

9. Reforms of Ezra and Nehemiah:

Turning now to a very distant point in history--the return of the Jews from
captivity in Babylon--we find in Ezra and Nehemiah the most critical regard for
genealogy. The effort to establish "pure blood" was fairly a fanaticism and might
even be charged with injustice. Yet this effort was ratified by the people--sufferers
in degraded name though many of them must have been. This could never have
been done had not the monogamic family idea rested in their hearts as just and
right. Nehemiah (13:26) unsparingly condemned the mighty Solomon for his
polygamy, and Israel upproved the censure.

10. The New Testament

 When we come to the times of the New Testament, contemporaneous polygamy in
Jewish society was dead. Wherever New Testament influences have gone,
contemporaneous polygamy has ceased to be.

There has been in the United States by Mormonism a belated attempt to revive
that crime against the family. But it has had its bad day, and, if it lives at all, it is
under the ban of social sentiment and is a crime by law. Consecutive polygamy
still exists in nations that are called Christian by the permission of divorce laws.
But the tide of Christian sentiment is setting strongly against it, and it takes no
special clearness of vision to see that it must go to extinction along with polygamy
contemporaneous.

Jesus reaffirmed the original charter of the monogamic family (Mt 19:1-12; Mk
10:2-12). It is to be noticed that He affirmed the indissolubility of the family not
only against the parties thereto but against the power of society.

11. The Teaching of Jesus:

At first sight it seems a little strange that Jesus said so little about the family. But
as we reflect on the nature of His mission we shall catch the explanation of His
silence. He said, "Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets: I came
not to destroy, but to fulfill" (Mt 5:17), that is, to fill out, to expound and expand.
He also said, "For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost" (Mt 18:11
the King James Version), and, "I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mt
9:13), that is, to rectify what was wrong. To what was right He gave the right of
way--let it go on in its own course. When the law was right, He said, not one jot or
tittle of it should fail (Mt 5:18). With regard to the family, He held the old charter
written in the heart of man, before it was burned in brick or committed to
manuscript, was right. It was comprehensive, would and ought to stand. So He
stood by that, and that sufficed His purpose. Christ did not try to regulate the
family so much as to regulate the persons who entered into family life. This may
explain why we have no utterance from Him in regard to the conduct and duties of
children toward parents. Still stood the ancient statute, "Honor thy father and thy
mother." He came not to destroy but to fulfill that. That still indicated the right
relation of children to parents. If a child had asked about his relation to his parents,
Christ would doubtless have referred him to that commandment, as He did other
inquirers about duties to the commandments that cover so large a part of the ethical
realm.

12. The Teaching of Paul:

 Paul, who particularizes so much in explanation of duties in all relations, scarcely
gets beyond the old commandment, "Honor thy father and thy mother," when he
says, "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing in the
Lord." It has always been well-pleasing in the Lord. To be sure there was new
inspiration to obedience from the new revelation of duty which came to them in
Christ, but the duty was enforced by the Fifth Commandment, and that was copied
from the deeper revelation in the heart of man.

13. Modern Dangers:

In modern society the two great foes of the family are Divorce and Migration.
Families no longer live a continuous life together. We have less family life than the
old pastoral nomads. They had to keep together for several generations in order to
protect their lives and their flocks and herds. So arose the clan, the tribe and the
nation. Family influence can be detected through them. Modern Industries are very
much localized. We should easily think that families would be under their
controlling influence. But they are not; the industries are localized, the workers are
becoming rovers. When trouble comes in an industry, a workman's first resort is to
try somewhere else. Cheapness of transportation gives him the opportunity he
desires. So with a satchel he goes hunting, much as a barbarian roams the forest for
game, alone. He may take his family or leave it behind. He may be separated from
his family for months or years--possibly abandon it forever. A very common cause
of divorce is abandonment of family by its male head.

In fact, those engaged in a great deal of legitimate industry are looking out for a
better place quite as much as to develop the capacities of business in their own
locations. The signs over places of business are few that carry the same name in
town or city for a generation. Moving is perhaps more the order of the day than
movement. The families are few that can be found in the same place for a quarter
of a century. The wealthy cannot stay in the same house six months at a time. They
have a house in the city for the winter and one in the country for the summer, and
then forsake both and fly over the sea, perhaps to remain for years--traveling. How
can family ties survive under such migratory life? Society supersedes the family.

Even education is subject to this malign influence. At their most impressive age,
when they need family influence most around them, children are sent away to
prepare for or to enter upon higher courses of education. This fits them for
something else than life in the family from which they sprang and they rarely
return to it. We may not be able to check this drift, but we ought to see its tendency
to degrade the estimate of the value of the family.

The Source of an ideal Family:-

JESUS CHRIST is the source of an ideal family. Ephesians 5:21-29, Gal. 5:22-25,
Isa. 11:2, II Cor. 3:17. This scripture explains the ingredients of a happy home.
They contain the vital needs to make a home what it ought to be.

NOT MY WILL; LORD, BUT LET YOUR WILL BE DONE.

1. LEAVING AND CLEAVING:- The Bible teaches that parents bonds must
be broken before a proper marital bond can be formed. The couple must iron
out their differences together alone by themselves; but there are some
instances where issues may get out of normal scope, then the couple must
apply the medicine of love, patience, endurance, forgiveness and bandage it
all with the grace of God. If you still cannot cope, then seek the counseling
of a genuine man of God. To develop such a depth in relationship, it requires
very close fellowship with one another by studying one another, be
committed to one another, so as to build a strong bond that cannot be
broken. I Cor. 7:3-4, Prov. 14:1, Prov. 15: 2 & 4, 16:21&23, 31:10-12, Gen.
2:23, Ephe. 4:32, Job 31:1.

2. LEARNING AND COVERING: - The Marital Life is a school of life-

Long learning. There is no leave and no vacation. The marriage becomes
better as you are constantly learning to have mutual acceptance and how to
help one another. A true wife therefore must be able to spell the word w-i-f-
e, not with lips only but by her life, likewise a true husband also must be
able to spell the word h-u-s-b-a-n-d by his life.
W - Wise in communication.
I - Innocent in character, industrious in caring.
F - Faithful in companionship and forgiving in conflict.
E - Excellent in counsel and comfort.

H - Holy in conscience.
U - Understanding in conversation, correction and criticism.
S - Strong in caring and compassion.
B - Blameless in conduct at home and outside.
A - Abiding in the covenant at the wedding altar.
N - Noble in courage in protecting the wife.
 D - Dependable for contribution to the needs of the family. (I Tim.5:8)

3. LOVING AND CARING:- No matter how well a couple have learnt to

communicate with one another and the husband can provide for the family,
without love, it all amounts to nothing. When there is love in the marriage,
there is joy, happiness and satisfaction. I Peter 2:22b, Col. 3:23-24, Ephe.
6:6.
Love cannot be sent from anywhere else, it must be drawn from the fountain of
the hearts (Jesus Christ) in the home. God has an abundant supply of love and
you can receive as much as you need as you go to Him in prayer.
You must have seen areas of your needs in marriage. Whether you are newly
wed or have been a long time in marriage or expect to marry, you can call upon
the Lord and He will help you. If you are not yet a child of God, then go first to
the foot of the cross, meet Jesus Christ the Saviour. He will show you the father
who can build you a happy and a joyful home. Talk to Him in prayer.
Child of God, are you really doing the will of God in your marriage or your
own will?. Meditate on these scriptural instructions, then settle the issues on
your knees. Talk to God in prayer, He will restore your joy and wine of
gladness. Your marriage can be heaven on earth. Pray, pray and pray again.

Chapter 2

PREPARING FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Any Man that want to embark on a special project in life always prepare for the
project success. For example, building a house, starting a business, so likewise,
before a young man or a young woman decide to marry each other, they must
prepare very well for the success of the marriage through the help of God
because by strength shall no man prevail. I Samuel 2:9, Ps. 127:1.
Getting married seems challenging enough; however, maintaining a marital
relationship year after year must also be considered. (A wedding ceremony is
for the crowd while a marriage is for the man and the lady involved). Living up
to such a commitment requires maturity in all areas (Spiritually, Ministerial,
Socially, Financially, Morally, Educationally and physically etc.) from both
male and female concerned.

As a man or as a lady, you need to understand yourself better (this is a necessity

if you are to develop a successful relationship in your marriage). Allow the
Holy Spirit to work in your life, so as to produce qualities such as love, joy,
peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith and self-control in your life that
will make you to put on new personality that will make it easy for you to
overcome every challenge that will face you in your marriage journey. I Peter
3:3-4, Proverb 4:9; 31:10&30, I Tim. 2:9-10.

KNOWING GOD’S WILL IN MARRIAGE.

Marriage transcends the thrills and frills of being in love. It goes beyond merely
dreaming of a happy home because it is a life-long issue. Marital happiness and
fulfillment can transform your days on earth into a sort of heavenly bliss. At the
same time, marital failure will lead to heartaches, incessant tears, sighing and
regret.

As a Christian, (that is a genuine child of God) you cannot just marry anybody
without the consent of your heavenly father. The Bible contains the blueprint on
peaceful, happy and successful marriage. We need to read study and apply the
true word of God to our life in all areas, especially in marriage (despite of your
anointing as a vessel of God or educational knowledge). So as not to live our
life in sorrow on earth and through all eternity.
Study the book of I Corinthians 7:1-40. Keeping the word of God in the
marriage issue will help the church to avoid the spirit of error by the seducing
spirits from the kingdom of darkness.
The Bible provides us with the yardstick for determining the right person. I
Tim. 4:16, Ezek. 14:4, Prov. 3:5-6.

GOD’S GUIDANCE:-
The Lord leads in many varied ways as you depend on Him in prayer with a
renewed mind. Matt. 7:7-11, Gen. 24:12-24 & 63-67. The steps of a good man
are ordered by the Lord. Psa. 37:23, Jer. 29:11. However, there are conditions
to fulfill in order to obtain God’s will. Rom. 12:2. The conditions are:-

a. You are to drop all particular interest in any man or lady.

b. Put on the mind of Christ, a humble and obedient heart.
c. Then come in faith, trusting and depending upon the Lord whole heartedly.

Wrong Methods or Imperfect Methods are:-

1. Depending on prophecies and revelations through others. Do not allow any
self made prophet to deceive you into a marriage you will regret, for these
false prophets abound today.
2. Opinion of a multitude. Do not be misled by the opinion of people in the
church or in your family but be led by the clear voice of God through the
Holy Spirit in you. Do not marry on the basis of the recommendations of
friends, well-wishers, pastor or family member. Psa. 118:8 says, “It is better
to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man”.
3. Choosing by sight. This have put many people (even some ministers of God)
into serious marital trouble which also have negative effect on their ministry
or the divine purpose and plan of God for their life. I Samuel 16:6-7.
4. Blind Faith. This is keeping going back to ask God again and again if He
would change His mind after knowing God’s will for one’s life. Numbers
22:12.
5. Fleeces. Gideon put out fleeces before the Lord, asking for confirmation. If
you have not been directed by the Lord to know His will for you in marriage
and you are using fleeces, you will be mislead.
6. Casting lots. Do not go about putting brethren’s names to the ballot because
choosing a Christian worker is different from choosing a life-partner.
7. Praying and asking contrary to God’s word because of covetousness. Num.
22:12-22.
8. Making one’s decision, then praying for confirmation from God. Eze. 14:1-
11, II Thess. 2:9-12.

Guidance and Assurance from God or Right Methods are:-

1. Having full trust in God for His leading. Heb. 10:35-39, Rom. 8:14, Heb.
13:5-8, Jer. 29:11-13, Psa. 37:23. We must have confidence in God, fully
trusting and whole heartedly depending upon God, before praying and
asking for God’s leading and guidance if we expect Him to guide and speak
clearly to us. Heb. 11:6.
2. Praying for guidance in faith. Asking to receive. Matt. 7:7-11, Luke 18:1-8,
James 1:5-8. God guide His children mainly by the scripture by shedding
His light on any part of the written word to meet their specific needs in all
areas of their life. God also give His children inner witness, (that is His
Spirit ministering to His children spirit concerning whatever thing they are
seeking His will for in their life). God always answers the prayer of FAITH.
3. Answer to prayer. Gen. 24:15-28, Psa. 25:9-14, John 16:12-15. God delights
in blessing His children, for He will not withhold any good thing from them
that walk uprightly before Him. Psalm 84:11, Proverb 3:5-6.
 Chapter 3

COURTSHIP FOR PROPOSED COUPLES

The period of courtship is the time that the man and woman who propose to
marry one another walk together at close range to understudy each other, but
with strict holiness.
“Marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and
adulterers God will judge”. Hebrew 13:4. Sex before marriage is totally
forbidden for born-again Christians. Therefore all activities like kissing,
necking and petting etc. that could lead to sexual sin should not be practiced.
(Kissing easily arouses and excites the passions of opposite sex; Necking is an
act of embracing and caressing). I Thess. 4:3-5.
Courtship period is a planning period for two people that are going into
marriage relationship. They plan for their future home by having personal
discussion on these following issues: For examples:-

a. Where to live (that is a befitting accommodation, a moderate one).

 b. The number of children to have.
c. Prayerfully commit their source of finance on God’s hand for better
improvement.
d. Studying God’s word together to claim more promises of God for their life.
e. Open-up to one another concerning their past life and reveal to the other
person all what he /she needs to know about their personal life identity.
f. Pay visits to one another’s parents and families to be familiar with them.
g. Learn what one’s mate likes and dislikes.
h. Study each others area of strength and weakness in conduct, character,
attitude and behaviour.
i. Try to correct each other when it is necessary, adjust and adapt to one
another’s taste or standard or opinion.
j. Above all, to pray for divine Godly love to be established in-between
themselves as husband and wife to be.

Chapter 4

AN IDEAL WEDDING

There should be proper parent’s consent to the relationship before planning for
wedding

In preparing for wedding.

In preparing for wedding ceremony, you can alleviate much of the tension by being
moderate. Don’t imitate others or compete with others that have wedded before
you. Be wise and be reasonable in your spending. An elaborate wedding may
please relatives and the community, but it may leave the newlyweds couple and
their families physically exhausted and financially drained. Slavish and
competitive conformity can overshadow the meaning of the occasion and may rob
you of the joy that you should have. John 2:9.
Remember that your wedding lasts just one day, but your marriage lasts a lifetime.
Avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married. Instead, look to God
for guidance and plan ahead for a life of being married. Then you will have
prepared well for a successful marriage.

KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

The Book of Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed”.

1. The First key is “LOVE”. There are different kinds of love such as:
(a) “Eros love” – it refers to a “carnal love”, as when a man lusts after a woman.
(b) “Phileo love” – it refers to “natural affection” as would happen between the
mother and her children, it also means “friendship”.
(c) “Agape love” – it refers to “the highest and holiest kind of love” or “Godly
love” as revealed to us in and through our Lord Jesus Christ. That is we have to
love everybody, even our enemies (Matt. 5:43-48). A man or a woman is asked to
demonstrate agape love to his wife or to her husband, not minding whatsoever
may be his or her behaviour, character or attitude. (Ephe. 5:28-29, Ephe. 5:1-2,
Jn. 13:34-35). This type of love makes a man or a woman to have an unselfish
concern for doing to others what is right and good from God’s standpoint,
whether the other fellow person appears to deserve it or not. This kind of love
enables marriage partners to follows the Bible counsel as it is written in the book
of Colossians 3:13-14.
When such love of God and of each other is cultivated by a married couple,
their marriage will last and be happy, for love never fails. I Cor. 13:8. Love is a
perfect bond of unity. Col. 3:14. Married couple can cultivate this kind of love
by reading, studying and meditating on God’s word together, discussing about it
and explaining it to one another and in addition, attend Christian meetings,
where God’s word is taught un-diluted and also pray for God’s help by the Holy
Spirit to develop this elevated kind of love which is one of the fruits of the Holy
Spirit.

2. The Second key is “SUBMISSION”. If two married people really love each
other, then they will also have respect for each other. Submission to one another
or respect for one another is the second key to a happy marriage. “Respect”
means giving consideration to others, honoring them. Rom. 12:10; I Peter 3:7.
A wife should have deep respect for her husband. Ephe. 5:33. Those who wish
to enjoy a happy marriage show respect for one another by keeping an eye not
only in their own personal interest but also in personal interest of their mates.
 Phil. 2:4. Respect will help marriage partners to acknowledge the differences in
their viewpoint and choices are within the boundaries of God’s law and
principles. I Peter 2:16. Philemon 1:14, Ephe. 5:21-22.

3. The Third key is “HUMILITY”. Col. 3:12-13. The spirit of humility will
help the husband not to see himself as a boss over his wife or as the one whom
only have the final say in the affairs of their home. He will also give the wife
opportunity to give her own opinion too pertaining to the affairs of their home.
They will see each other as helpmeet according to the book of Genesis 2:18-24.
That is why a husband or a wife should not inter-change his or her original
God-given help-meet with another things or another person e.g. (T.V, Movies,
Servant girls or boys, Job, Business trip etc.). Husband and wife should be able
to humble themselves to such an extent that they will prefer their mate’s interest
first.

4. The Fourth key is “FORBEARANCE”. The married couples have to

forbear one another as Jesus Christ our Lord forbear the church, despite the
church’s weakness. There is no perfect man or woman. In as much that you
marry according to God’s perfect will for your life does not mean that your
wife/husband is perfect but you as a person have to bear all things. You have to
remove your eyes from your mates weakness and identify his/her strength to
love him/her the more. Any man or woman that can forbear will surely have
peaceful home and also through prayer, see God modifying his/her mates
weaknesses with His own divine strength. I Cor. 13:7, Rom. 2:4, Rom. 3:25

5. The Fifth key is “PATIENCE”. The fourth key which is forbearance leads
to the fifth key which is patience. As we have seen it in the book of Romans 2:4
& 3:25; the patience of God with man in sending His only begotten son to the
world to be killed for our sin has made it possible for God to see some of His
creature He has created in His own image to believe the gospel message and
thereby been saved and at last God’s original purpose for man right from the
foundation of the world is been fulfilled in such kind of people’s life. So
likewise, married couple have to be patience with one another with prayer unto
God always and sharing His word together, till God by His Holy Spirit power
will perfect every imperfection in their husband’s or wife’s life. Even that of
their children also. James 1:4, Heb. 6:12, I Tim. 6:11
 Chapter 5

RESPONSIBILITIES IN THE HOUSEHOLD.

Every stage of man’s life has duties or responsibilities attached to it.

A. HUSBAND RESPONSIBILITIES:-
i. He is the head of the family. That is the representative of God. Ephe. 5:23, I
Cor. 11:3.
ii. He should rule his own house well, and this should be in collaboration or in
agreement with his wife and children. II Tim. 3:4-5.
iii. He should learn to honour and respect the wife and not to dominate her. I
Peter 3:7.
iv. He should provide foe the basic needs of his family. I Tim. 5:8.
v. He should love his wife and children in spite of the wife or children
weakness. Ephe. 5:25-28, I John 3:16. Col. 3:19.

B. WIFE RESPONSIBILITIES:-

i. A good wife should be subject to her husband. Ephe. 5:22. As the

church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands in everything. Ephe.
5:23-24. The order of authority in sequential order is God, son (Jesus Christ), Man
and the Woman. This does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband in
capabilities and responsibilities. The headship of the husband is a divine
appointment.

ii. The wife should submit to the husband as it is fit in the Lord. Col. 3:18, I Peter
3:1-4.

iii. The wife should reverence the husband. Ephe. 5:33, I Peter 3:6.
Obedience and reverence go together. An obedient wife will reverence the husband.

iv. A good wife must be a good keeper of the house. No matter the
economic status of the wife (as a lawyer, doctor teacher or engineer etc.), she should
never compromise her role as a very good house-keeper. Titus 2:4-5.

v. A good wife should do her husband and her children good all the
days of her life and looketh well to the ways of her household in all things. Prov.
31:12 & 27.

vi. She should fear the Lord and have the inner beauty that will make her
live to be a blessing to her husband, children and her household as a whole.
At the same time, a good wife should be able to be good a helpmeet in
providing for all the families necessary needs, by supporting the husband
where and when it is necessary to do so (this should be done willingly,
with the whole of her heart). Prov. 31:30, I Peter 3:1-6.
Chapter 6
 TRAINING AND DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN.
The more closely you follow God’s instructions, the better parent you will
become. Prov. 3:5-6, 22:6, Isa. 54:13. In God’s view, fathers and mothers are
partners in child training. Prov. 1:8-9.
Responsible couples try to plan the size of their “household” so that they can
provide for those who are their own. Galatians 6:5.
God command children to be obedient to their parents and also instruct the
parent to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephe. 6:1-3.

1. Parents should show genuine love to their children. Psa. 127:3, Ephe. 6:4.
2. Parents should provide food, cloth and shelter for their children. Right food
at the right time should be given to them in the measure of the parent’s pocket.
II Cor. 12:14c.
3. Parents should give their children a good home training in conduct,
respecting elderly people and having courtesy. The school and the church also
help in this area to make sure the children acquire relevant qualities that will
make them fit in properly into their society set-up. Prov. 22:6.
4. Parents should give their children proper education. Give them sound and
quality education.
5. Parents should train their children in the Lord’s way. If your children fully
understand God’s word, this will prepare them for adult life and heaven above.
Isa. 38:19, Pro. 4:10-11.
6. Parents should pray for their children always, committing every aspects of
their life unto God’s hand. I Sam. 1:27-28.
7. Parents should encouraged family worship and prayer every morning and
evening and involve their children, so as to make them imitate good things from
them. II Tim. 1:5.
8. Parents should always attend church service regularly with their children.
Joshua 24:15. Luke 2:42-49.
9. Parents should correct their children on time when they do any wrong
thing. Prov.19:18, 13:24. They have to correct their children when they
misbehave. This should be done in love and let the children know the reason
why you punish them. Ephe. 6:4, Heb. 12:7, Prov. 29:17.
 NOTE:-
Parents should learn from the mistake of prophet Eli and King David which
make them suffer shame, disgrace and tragedy in their family because they did
not train their children in the fear of the Lord and in His way which is the right
way. I Sam. 3:13, I King 1:6.

AGENDA FOR MY CHILD.

A. Review his/her social vacation activities with him/her for corrections,
instructions, guidance and appreciation.
B. Review his/her spiritual activities during the vacation. If he/she is not born
again, lead him/her to Christ.
C. Review his/her academic activities and give praises where he/she performed
well and encouragement where he/she measure low.
D. Have a session of counseling, teaching and instruction on obvious lapses you
have observed. Use Bible stories and lessons to strengthen all that you teach
him/her.
E. Assess his/her needs for the new school year and make provision for it.
F. Go shopping with him/her and get a personal diary for him/her and teach
him/her how to use it.
G. Show him/her all the promises of God in the Bible relating to his/her age
aspirations and allow him/her to mark them with a biro and memorise them, so
as to be his/her watch word.
H. Guide him/her to draw up a set of principles by which he/she will live during
the new school year.
I. Guide him/her in setting goals (spiritual and academic) and time-table for the
new school session.
J. Get his/her prayer requests for the new school year and pray with him/her.
K. Buy a good Christian classic book relevant to his/her level for their personal
spiritual growth.
L. Give him/her the honor of leading the family altar.
M. Teach him/her how to prepare his/her favorite dish and other necessary types of
food.
N. Get his/her friends around and have an evangelistic tea party (with Bible
games) for them.
O. Fast (where and when necessary) and pray with him/her again on his/her prayer
requests. Prov. 22:6.
 Chapter 6

CARING MINISTRY FOR THE:-

I. OPHANAGE, II. WIDOW AND III. SINGLE PARENT.

These three categories type of people needs to be cared for by the body of
Christ. A real or genuine orphan, widow or single parent who have no relatives
or family members to care for them, the brethren in the house of God can fill in
the gap or create a caring unit in the church, the people that will be in this
ministry will take up the responsibilities as their own ministry (that is to supply
the needs of this type of people) and others that needs help in the church of
God. Acts 6:1-5.

As for widows, orphan and single parent that have relatives or families that can
take care of them, the Bible says their family members should take up the
responsibilities and not place it again on the church of God who already have a
lot of responsibilities to cater for. I Tim.5:16, ( I Timothy 5:1-16).

WHAT TO DO WHEN MARRIAGE FAILS.

There are many things that threaten the peace of the home. Some of those things
are:- domestic violence, alcoholism, living an extravagance life by the man or
woman, un-care attitude, children’s stubbornness and waywardness, delayed
blessings, unstable financial life, difficult in-laws, health problem,
unfruitfulness etc.

All things that tend to threaten the peace in the marriage are numerous but the
only important thing is how tangible and meaningful solution can be derived by
the couples to overcome all these challenges.
STEP I:- Commit your marriage into God’s hand by making sure that you as a
couple have genuine personal relationship with God through His only begotten
son, Jesus Christ. John 2:1-11.

STEP II: - Draw help from God because He is the source of our existence.
Psalm 34:18, I Peter 5:6-7. Studying God’s word and living by its principles
puts you in line to receive the help of God’s Holy Spirit, which can equip you
with “power beyond what is normal” to cope from one day to the next. II Cor.
4:7
STEP III:- Discuss Differences. A better course to follow is to heed the Bible’s
counsel. “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin, let the sun not set with you in a
provoked state”. Ephe. 4:26. One happily married couple on reaching their
60th wedding anniversary, were asked the secret of their successful marriage.
The husband said,”We learned not to go to sleep without settling differences, no
matter how minor they may have been”. James 1:19.

STEP IV: - Set your domestic needs in order of their importance. As a married
couple, you’re no more single, therefore you should be concern with the good
of your mate and your own good also. Before you take any decision, think of
the effect on your husband/wife and children. Have their interest also in mind
before doing anything. Romans 12:10.

STEP V: - Make the scripture to be your guide book in all things. In the
scripture, there are words of counsel for every areas of man’s life that is why as
a Christian, you will not have any excuse for not abiding on it before taking any
steps in life. The Bible (scripture) can make “the in-experienced one wise”.
Psalm 19:7-11. It has saved many marriages that were at the breaking point and
has improved many others that had serious problem. May all married couples
have full confidence in the marriage counsel that God supplies. It really works.
 Chapter 7

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Do you know that?
When you are anxious, worried, murmuring, grumbling, complaining,
scheming, criticizing, bitter, talkative, jesting. Rumour mongering, unforgiving,
when you are harsh, prayer less – The Will of God for you will be “Mourning”.

1. A bitter spirit inflicts its punishment upon oneself. No one can possibly hamper
and harass you as much as you harm yourself by an unforgiving spirit.
2. All that I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all that I have not seen.
3. We need to hear less of what men think and hear more of what God has said.
4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
5. God seldom speaks to a man while man himself is talking.
6. To solve one’s spiritual problems, one must remain spiritually solvent.
7. If we expect God to open His treasure, we must open ours.
8. Decisions are made constantly; because of them we are better or worse today
than yesterday.
9. Whenever a man is ready to uncover his sins, God is always ready to cover
them with His blood.
10. If you begin leaning a certain way and a strong wind comes along, you will be
blown in the direction you are leaning. Be careful concerning your leanings.
11. There is a remedy for sin – expose it, confess it and forsake it and God will blot
it out.
12. If we tremble before man, it may be because we do not tremble before God.

SPIRITUAL NOURISHMENT.

PART A:- THE RIGHT KIND OF FAITH.

Is it enough to just believe in something? And if that is the case, isn’t one religious
idea just as good as another? After all, everybody believes in something. What
does the Bible say concerning this?
Scientists have faith in their assumptions, some people also have faith in their
human leader, in themselves and in their possessions but above all these, and it is
only the faith that will stand the test of time that is the right kind of faith.
Faith is a confident believes in the truth, value or trustworthiness of a person, idea
or thing. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. Loyalty to
a person or thing, allegiance. Believe and trust in God: Religious conviction. A
system of religious beliefs and a set of principles or beliefs – (from the American
Heritage Dictionary).

WHAT MAKES A FAITH RIGHT?

With all these voices calling for us to trust their messages, how can we know
which one to listen to?. Buying peanut butter is one thing – it may not really make
that much difference which one you put your trust in. But it may make a difference
when you’re choosing an investment counselor or a heart surgeon. It certainly
could make a difference when you are deciding what to believe in as you confront
the issue of life after death.
The rightness or wrongness of faith is determined by its object. That is what you
believe in. The right faith is not just a warm, secure feeling, a blind, wild and
irrational hope, it is not an end in itself and it does not based on one’s imagination.
Therefore, your faith is right if you put your trust in the right thing or right person.
The Bible says in the book of John, chapter three, from verse fourteen to twenty-
one: “And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the son of
man be lifted up:That whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have
eternal life. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that
whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God
sent not His son into the world to condemn the world: but that the world through
Him might be saved. He that believeth on Him is not condemned: but he that
believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of
the only begotten son of God. And this is the condemnation that light come into the
world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For
every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds
should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may
be made manifest, that they are wrought in God”
Also, in the book of Acts 4:12, it says, “Neither is there salvation in any other: fro
there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be
saved.
In the book of Hebrew 11:1-3, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the
evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good report. Through
faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things
which are seen were not made of things which do appear; and in verse 6, “But
without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe
that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him”.
In conclusion, for centuries, people have struggled with this matter of faith. They
have some tragic mistakes by trusting in people and things that failed them.
God not only Is something. We only know what He is by what He “DOES”. He is
a God of activity. He does not sit aloft like (Allah or the millions of gods of India
or like Buddha), doing nothing. Allah just allows things, and they say “Kismet” – it
is his will, or fate. A christian does not believe in fate.
To have in God means to have faith in a God of acts who answers prayer, who
performs wonders.
Faith sees God as Lord of eternity. Time does not affect Him, but it affects
everybody and everything else. God is not a figure of past history. In Him
everything is present. In glory He is the crucified one, the Lamb of God. The
absolute essence of faith is to accept God today to be what He was yesterday. We
have no other grounds for trust except that He will keep faith with us. He will not
be one thing today and another thing tomorrow. He is not temperamental. He made
one revelation, forever about Himself. If He does not live up to it, then the
revelation is worthless.
But His name is “FAITHFUL AND TRUTH”. Jesus also said Himself, “These are
the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness” (Revelation 3:14).

PART B:- CHRIST IS THE RIGHT OBJECT OF THE RIGHT KIND OF FAITH.
Man put his confidence in the wrong objects of faith such as: humanism, escapism,
occultism, mysticism, sacramentalism, legalism,selfism and universalism today.
But God’s word show us clearly in all these bible passages that faith placed in all
these objects mentioned above will end up smashed on the rocks of disappointment
and despair. Psalm 49:6-7, Psa. 146:3, II Cor. 3:5, Prov. 20:1. Rom.13:13-14,
Ex.22:18, I Cor. 10:20-22, Deu. 29:29, I Cor. 2:7-16, Hosea 8:13, Mark 12:33,
Isaiah 64:6, Galatians 2:16, Prov. 27:2, II Cor. 10:17-18, Daniel 12:2, Revelation
20:12-15.
All these faith mentioned above are inadequate because they have the wrong
object. These faiths which originate in man depend on man and end with man: they
are all contrary to the teaching of the Bible. It is in God’s revealed “Word” that we
can discover the right object of faith, which is “JESUS CHRIST”.
Jesus Christ is the right object of the right kind of faith because of these reasons:
He is God, as it is written in the book of John 1:1, “In the beginning was the word
and the word was God. Also, in the book of revelation 19:13, “And He was clothed
with a vesture dipped in blood: and His name is called, “THE WORD OF GOD”.
John 1:14 says, “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, and we
beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the father, full of grace and
truth”. Jesus Christ took on Himself our human nature without loosing His deity, to
save man from their sinful nature. The Bible says, “The thief cometh not, but for to
steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they
might have it more abundantly”. John 10:10. “I am the good shepherd: the good
shepherd giveth His life for His sheep” – John 10:11.
Because Christ is God, faith placed in Him has unshakable stability. Faith in
“JESUS CHRIST” is further strengthened when one consider all what He has done
in the scripture, what He id doing now according to the scripture and also what He
will do for us as it is written in the scripture.
1. Christ became human to rescue us from eternal death. Hebrew 2:9.
2. Christ lived as a man, giving us an example to follow. I John 2:6.
3. Christ suffered and died to free us from the penalty of sin. Mark 10:45.
4. Christ rose from the dead, providing His victory over death and His power
to provide eternal life. Romans 6:8-11.
5. Christ is in heaven preparing an eternal home for those who have put their
faith in Him. John 14:2.
6. Christ intercedes on behalf of His children. Hebrew 7:25.
7. Christ defends believers against satan’s accusations. I John 2:1 and Rev.
12:10.
8. Christ provides the supernatural peace of God. John 14:27.
9. Christ will raise the body of believers from the grave and transform them
into an incorruptible, immortal form. I Thess. 4:15-17.
10. Christ will reward the faithful and condemn those who have not trusted in
Him. John 5:24-30, II Cor. 5:10-11 and Rev. 20:11-15.
11. Christ will rule the earth with His saints for 1,000 years. Rev. 20:4-6.
12. Christ will create an eternal new heaven and earth that will have no death,
sorrow, crying or pain. Rev. 21:1-6.

If your “Faith” is in anything other than “CHRIST”, your faith is inadequate. It

is the wrong kind of faith. To have the right kind of faith, the Bible gives the
following steps:
A. You must admit your sinfulness and desire to turn from it. Jesus said,
“…unless you repent, you will all likewise perish”. Luke 13:3.
B. You must believe that “Christ” died for your sin according to the scriptures,
and that He rose again the third day. I Cor. 15:3-4.
C. You must trust in Jesus Christ alone as your personal “LORD and
SAVIOUR”. Romans 10:9.

The time to choose to trust in Christ, to make Him the object of your faith, is
“NOW”. Paul wrote, “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day
of salvation”. II Cor. 6:2.
You can do it today by bowing your head and praying something like this:
“Dear God, I know that I am a sinner and that in my own strength I cannot do
anything to please You or to earn eternal life. I believe that You love me and
that You sent Your only begotten son to die on the cross to pay the penalty for
my sin. I will now put my “Faith” in “YOU” and trust completely in “JESUS
CHRIST” to rescue
me. I desire to turn away from my sin and to let You take control of my life.
Save me and be my “LORD” (Amen).
If you prayed this prayer in all sincerity, you can honestly say, “Now I have the
Right kind of Faith”.