We must not judge children.

If they feel criticized or judged they

immediately cease communication

Why is it important to consider how we talk to children and their value in

understanding and responding to us?

When reflecting on this big question it is important to consider that good

communication between parents, primary caregivers and children is essential to
build a positive and solid relationship in any environment where the child is
developed. Dialogue is the most effective mechanism that adults have, not only to
give instructions and set rules and limits, but also to know what children and
adolescents think and feel, understand the reasons that motivate their behaviors,
correct their mistakes, resolve conflicts and establish agreements.
However, when it comes to engaging in conversation with minors, some parents and
caregivers get frustrated and even end up upset, either because they fail to get their
attention or because the talk, in the end, does not bear the expected fruit. That’s why
you hear such popular phrases as "he doesn’t listen to me", "he goes in one ear and
out the other" or "one speaks to him and who knows what he is thinking".
So, questions like Where are we failing? Are we communicating assertively with our
children?
But it is important to understand that some parents/caregivers expect their children
to listen to them without first establishing an emotional and communicative
connection with them. But it should be noted that to talk to a child you have to
'connect' with him, approach him affectionately and empathetically, so that he feels
the interest and closeness of the adult". So how do you get that emotional connection
that professionals talk about?
It is essential to level up to the child so that eye contact is achieved face to face and
not top to bottom, as happens when adults stand. "When we speak to them from our
height we exercise a physical power that generates distance", Instead, I consider it
important to sit next to him or bend over to be at his height and thus create proximity
and confidence. It is also not recommended to point the finger at children but rather
to take them by hand gently and affectionately.

Therefore, when observing the recording, I stress that the best way to start the
conversation is to go to questions that show the child that he or she is important. \
We must not judge children. If they feel criticized or judged they
immediately cease communication

keep in mind what the interests of the children are and on the basis of them initiate
dialogue: if the child is playing we can ask questions like "what are you playing? ,
what is that TV show about? , or what are those characters called?" meaning always
asking open questions. The opening of the dialogue can also start with questions
related to their daily reality such as "tell me what did you like most about school
today? What made you angry? or what did you do today with your friends?". Now,
in case the girl or boy is distracted, achieving eye contact through gentle contact
would be the most important thing in this case.

Using an appropriate tone of voice and volume is another strategy that I see as vital
to communicate effectively with children. The ideal is that the tone is soft, warm and
affectionate to generate confidence and security. However, if instruction or a wake-
up call is required, the intonation of the voice may vary to emphasize what is being
corrected or made clear. One of the most common mistakes parents/caregivers make
is thinking that authority and respect is achieved by raising the volume of the voice
or hardening gestures. However, you can use a calm but firm tone of voice. The
screams, therefore, do not work because the child gets scared, concentrates on how
angry the adult may be and stops paying attention to the message.

Therefore, to conclude talking well to children is important because words have

great power over them. That is why we must be careful what we say to our children.
Talking nice to children doesn’t mean just saying good or positive things. To talk
nice is to try not to scream, to modulate our tone of voice, is to avoid saying things
that we can later regret.