SPECIAL SPRING TRAINING ISSUE OF

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NEEDLE POINT
THE MAD SAMPLER
IT’S OUR LATEST COLLECTION OF WIT, MAN
.+. designed to rip the phony embroideries from:

with its serious shows that keep us in

TELEVISION— stitches, and comedy shows that don’t!
__ and its big-budget movies with thread-
HOLLYWOOD bare plots based on hackneyed yarns!
with its thimble-minded ads that reap
MADISON AVE.—plenty although they sew very little!
PLUS ALL THEM OTHER ABUSES WOVEN INTO THE
TAPESTRIES OF TODAY'S CRAZY-QUILT WORLD! afl
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UMBER 95 JUNE 1965

MAD VISITS
ATYPICAL
“Occasionally a bachelor will find a girl who bas everything: BEACH
looks, charm, grace, wit, personality, common sense, and a MOVIE
busband with three children!"—Alfred E. Neuman

WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B, FELDSTEIN editor

JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production
JERRY DE FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors
MARTIN J. SCHEIMAN lawsuits RICHARD BERNSTEIN publicity
GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, RICHARD GRILLO subscriptions
CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS
the usual gang of idiots MAD’S:
MODERN
BELIEVE IT
DEPARTMENTS OR NUTS
BERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT Pgs. 10 & 48
The Lighter Side Of Spring ......-+++2+++eeereeeeeeseeeee 36
BILLFOLD-OUT DEPARTMENT
40
A Celebrity's Wallet (Hugh M. Hefner's) .......-.eeeeeeeee
GETTING EVEN WITH THE ODD DEPARTMENT
10, 48
MAD's Modern Believe It Or Nuts ......--+-++0eeeeree>
HAIRGOO
HAIR-’EM, SCARE-’EM DEPARTMENT MAGAZINE
HairGoo Magazine ......... e
reeceee
cess+.+ eees15
(AMAD
IAMBIC SPEEDOMETER DEPARTMENT PUBLICATION)
The Modern Highwayman eee
.......++see sree 27
e reerer
seer
Pg. 15
IT SURFS YOU RIGHT DEPARTMENT
MAD Visits A Typical Teenage Beach Movie
JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT
Spy vs. Spy
KIDDIN’ ON THE KEYS DEPARTMENT
Typewri-Toons ....
SQUAMISH
LETTERS DEPARTMENT
(AMAD
Random Samplings Of Reader Mail ......--+++++ssseereee0e 2
GAME)
MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT
Drawn-Out Dramas ......eeeee .-s
eeeereer
06. e eeeas
seen eer
NUTS WITH BOLTS DEPARTMENT
The MAD Gun-Owners (And Other Small Bores) Primer .....- 31
OFF THE BEATEN SOUND-TRACK DEPARTMENT
If Kids Used Movie Cliches In Everyday Life ........+--++++ 12
ONE HORSING-AROUND TOWN DEPARTMENT
Passion Place MAD
GUN-OWNERS
TALK OF THE TOWNS DEPARTMENT PRIMER
The Sights And Sounds Of The U.S.A. (Smalltown) ...-.--+-+ 24 Pg. 31
TELEVISION DEPARTMENT
ATV Scene We'd Like To See (Mr. Novak) ......-++s00+e205+ 4
THERE’S A SOCCER BORN EVERY MINUTE DEPARTMENT
48-Man Squamish ..........2+000eeeee cess sess esse ees21
eeee
**Various Places Around The Magazine PASSION
PLACE

MAD—June 1965 Vol. 1, Number850 95,Thied 1s published monthly excep! ond November,af
February, May, Avavst Postage (AMAD TV
by EC. Publications, Inc., ot In the U.S.A, Avenue, New York, N.Y, 10022, $5.00.
8 Issues $2.00 or 24 issues
Second Class
Outside U.S.A.;
paid
8issues SATIRE)
Now York, N. ¥. Subscriptions:
Allow 6 woeks for change
$2.50 oF. 24 Issues $4.25. Publications, of address to becomenot bo alfective. Pg. 43
Fighted ©1965 by E.C. Inc. The Publisher and Editors will
Ingnuscripts ond request ll menuscripts be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed retumn without envelope, The
MAD fiction ond semi-fiction ore fictitious, A similarityPrinted
romes of characters uied in allcoincidence, satiric
purpose to @ living person is a In U.S.A.
LETTERS DEPT. :;-bears a striking resemblance to a JOEY TO THE WORLD
“Triple Encabulator Tuned Manifold,”
designed by General Motors’ Gregory
Flynn Jr., and first published in the "So-
ciety of Automotive Engineers Journal”!
Barry Hunter
Walkerton, Ont.
+:0created and first used by Eastman,
Kodak Co. to check resolution/on theit
‘Verifax Copiers.
Jerry Irwin
POIUYT-INENT COMMENTS Pittsburgh, Pa.
Having been an avid reader of MAD Te first appeared on the lettethead of
ever since its first issue appeared to initi- “Industrial Camera Co.’’of Oakland, Calif.
ate the decline of the English language, I Joey De Benin
have derived much joy from my unfor- Syracusé, New York
tunate addiction to it. But your March
issue (#93) has caused nothing but sad-
ness, pain, disgust and sorrow. The opti- -+-"Popular Mechanics.”
cal illusion on the cover, which you call John Levi
“The MAD Poiuyt” was COPIED from Buffalo, New York
“Engineering Digest”!
Judah L. Lando, PhD. -+-"Popular Science,” July, 1964!
Chicago, Illinois Lee Ruttenberg
Just a note to let you know how much
Tenjoy your magazine. In fact, it's so fun-
Chicago, Illinois ny, it almost makes me smile.
I was shocked’ to seé "The MAD
Poiuyt” on the cover of your latest issue, y-"Road’& Track,” June 1964! Joey Bishop
and even more’ shocked to see that you Robert Boettcher Hollywood, California
claimed responsibility for it, Actually, it Joliet, Illinois
was first introduced’ in “The Airman’— FLYING ACE
the official journal/of the U.S. Air Force. Okay! MAD has been caught with its poiuyts
John Herlihy down! We now know that it wasn’t original, Congratulations to both Mort Drucker
North Hayen, Conn. swe were led to believe! So we apologize and Dick De Bartolo for their great work
to all the originators listed abovel—Ed. on that gutsy movie, “Flying Ace.” It was
the funniest thing I have ever read.
This illusion was traveling around the If you ever want to get rid of that Tania Ledovsky
Engineering Graphics Lab here at the “MAD Poiuyt,” here’s a crate to send it Fairfield, Conn.
University of Minnesota, Duluth, months far away in.
ago. I was wondering where you got the “Flying Ace” was the craziest! Every
Chuck Mathias time I read it, I split a gut.
scréwy name "Poiuyt,” but upon typing Tacoma, Washington
it; T see that one of you lazy,.unimagina- Chris Wisniewski
tive slobs just buzzed across the top row OZER Chicago, Illinois
of letter-keys on the typewriter backwards,
and out it came,

i a
Bill Garrett } p)

Your “Poiuyt” first appeared in the f Ht —

June issue of “Analog” and was called a Was ZS
“three-pronged blivet.”
Julius Korngold
Passaic, New Jersey
I knew I'd seen it before. It was first
published in the June '64 issue of ‘
tounding Science Fact—Science Fiction,” Why don't you put your "MAD Poiuyt”
described as a “Three-hole, Two-Slot Bli- in this box—and throw it away?
vit.”
Joseph Kuykendall
Carl E. Serkland Morgantown, West Va.
APO San Francisco 7? é
Tt is my duty to inform you that the a / 3 aay?
“MAD Poiuyt” was first introducedayear Please do about 11 million more mov-
ago by the brilliant engineers at the Uni- ies starring the Beatles. I will cherish this
versity of British Columbia in their pa- issue for the rest of my MAD days.
per, "The Red Rag.” Linda Keklikian
Liz Paukert Kirkwood, Mo.
West Vancouver, B.C.
HUMOROUS TOUCH-TACKLE
T hate to tell you this, but the engineers T would like to congratulate Arnie Ko-
at the Nevada Test Site designed your so- gen on his “Football Foto-Plays” in MAD
called “MAD Poiuyt” months ago. #93. It added a humorous touch to an
Carolyn Morrison
otherwise dull periodical,
We'd like to put the guy who gave us the Bill Michaud
Las Vegas, Nevada idea in a box and throw him away!—Ed. Portland, Maine

TYPICAL KIDDIE SHOW
Your “Typical Kiddie Show” was the
greatest. Congratulations to Larry Siegel
and Mort Drucker. All kiddie shows from
time immemorial were summed up in it.
Likewise for the typical “Cat-and-Mouse”
cartoon, I was amazed at the great job you
did. But I was even more amazed at the
amount of TV-watching your staff must
have done to produce this fabulous piece.
David Formanek
Bronx, New York
I really enjoyed the kick in the pants
aimed at “Kiddie Shows.” They really are
getting out of hand. I hope you continue
to publish this sort of thing.
Susie Godden
Albuquerque, N. M.
ARE YOU BUGGED BY THE
ART BUCHWALD
Js it really true that Art Buchwald is “a LITTLE te
mythical person first thought up by MAD
Magazine”? That's what TIME Magazine
said on page 73 of the Dec. 18th issue.
MONSTERS
Steve Miller
Bergenfield, N. J.
Don’t you believe it! TIME is a mythical
magazine thought up by Art Buchwald!—Ed.
ESCAPING PUN-ISHMENT
All right! Which one of you clods
thinks up those terrible puns used in the
different Department headings—or haven't
you got the nerve to tell us your name?
Angrily yours,
Name Withheld

MAD‘S E.S.P.
Hey, what's with you clods, anyway?
You got ES.P. or something? Where did
you find out about Mickey Bitsko? The
New York Giants just found out about
him. Mainly, they signed him to play for
Air
them, The next thing you know, the n”!
Force will unveil “The MAD Zeppeli
Michael D. Kobrin
Levittown, Long Island
All right! What's the story? A while
back, you were filling your issues with
various references to a certain “Mickey
Bitsko.” Now he shows up in the East-
West Shrine Football Game as a player
from the U. of Dayton.
Lawrence Baum
San Francisco, Calif.
1 am beginning to wonder about your
knowledge of the pro basketball world.
In your #93 issue (on sale Dec, 29,
1964), in the article “Space Magazines,”
you have Wilt Chamberlain pictured in a
Philadelphia uniform. Wilt has been play-
ing for San Francisco for the past three
NBA seasons. Wake up!
Stephen A. Olsen
Santa Clara, Calif.
Til overlook Wilt being dwarfed by
our outer space neighbors (“Space Maga-
zines"), but for the sake of our faltering
Warriors, don’t trade him to Philadelphia!
William Zickgraf
San Francisco, Calif.
On January 14, 1965, San Francisco an-
nounced that it was trading Wilt Chamber-
lain to Philadelphia. More MAD E.S.P.2—Ed.
ONE NEEDLER IN THE HAYSTACK
As a retired teacher—college prepara-
tory—permit me to thank you for many an
enjoyable evening reading your esteemed
magazine. It is a tragedy that there are not
more periodicals pricking the great Amer-
ican bubble of complacency.
H.W. Brink
Atlantic City, N. J.
MAD ZEPPELIN
I think the "MAD Zeppelin” is the
greatest. Where can I get one?
‘Susan Shepard
‘Woodbury, Conn.
.--------use coupon or duplicate ------
The next MAD Annual—“The Worst From
MAD #8” will include a build-it-yourself
MAD Zeppelin Kit. Look for it in early May.
—Ed.
MAD ON PROBATION
This is to advise you that copies of
“MAD” are placed in our waiting rooms
by probation officers for their clients,
without any noticeable effect on the inci-
dence of delinquency.
W.M. Zimmerman
Chief Juvenile Probation Officer
Winnipeg Juvenile Court and
Family Court
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BOOBS
I am writing this letter out of pure
curiosity. How did Alfred E. Neuman
lose his front tooth?
Nancy Dunham
New Cambria, Missouri
Out of pure curiosity!—Ed.
site
Please address all correspondence to:
MAD, Dept. 95, 850 Third Avenue
New York, New York 10022
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erry
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LOTS FOR SALE
these full-color portraits of
Yep, we've still got lots of “What—Me
Alfred E, Neuman, MAD's Worry?) kid, for
gale at 25¢ each or'3 for 50¢. Mail money to: N.Y,MAD, Dept.
SWhat—Color?”", 850 Third Avenue, New York, 10022.
TELEVISION DEPT.

A TV Scene We'd Like To See

o 3o 2 @ £ € 6 = Ss3 Ei £ 6 g @ £ moonlight,” Mr. Novak, but how’ 'dyou ™
ever get talked into doing a bomb |i ‘Youngblood Hawke"
 —se = ie if =
IT SURFS YOU RIGHT DEPT. ae oS Gn. ¥
public
Ever since “Frankenstein” and “Dracula” were first shown, the a new
tly,
has been going wild over all types of horror movies. Recen turn out
kind of horror movie emerged from Hollywood which well maynow, as...
to be the most frightening and blood-curdling of all. Join us

MAD VISITS A
TYPICAL TEENAGE

ARTIST: MORT DRUCKER

And that Is this a Hey, gang! A irespect

Wa-wa-wa-ooh-ah-ooh—wa...I’m a || Oooh, those words i new one? |)|just heard for the
happy-go-lucky surfing teenager are so beautiful, was just
I can't stand it! the title! When did || that World ||casualties,
in love with a swinging chick, ‘Wait'll we finish War Ill has |} let's dance
and | wanha dance and make-out Teil him to stop started!
‘on the beach and hate grownups singing before | you hear || new beach |) the last
collapse with joy! || the song!! picture? one??
till the day | die, and in that Hey, everybody!
way help make America great... SURF’S UP!!
A y
Yeah, yeah—yeah, yeah, yeah...
Bw
 For cryin’ out | know that!
loud, Dizzy! ways come | Butthis |, Tell me, Go-Go!
Are you going
There'sno surt | 'awayscome | ie
now! What are |spouting sSurf's | started!just frets Of course not, what?
to surf for the Well for
Annette! When I’m 67, one thing
you yelling Up!" when the
plot's already
bogged down!
rest of your | plan to settle down + drag-
“Surf's Up!” plot bogs down
and do the things in racing!
for? in a beach movie!
life that really count!

Tell me That's very I love you, Egghead, but you're

‘a little What's there to tell? My mother interesting! the laughing stock of the beach. [ot nay
bit about | and father were surfers and they But is there You don’t like surfing or dancing en i ra
yourself, |! “met while surfing, and they got anything or drag-racing. You're an insult || 6" rs
Johnny. unusual about to all teenagers. Can't you do
married on the beach, and a year your
nate deel
later I was born on’the surf, background?
anything worthwhile? ang tulnkiogt
being delivered by a surfing
obstetrician, and when | was...

Hey, gang, we've Yeah! What Kids, | just Son-of-a-gun, | knew there It's a nice
been on this beach happened found out why was something wrong! Okay,
for nine days and to the surf? there’s no surf gang—let's head for the How will day! What do
there still hasn't here! This is ocean! It's only 124 miles we you say we
been any surf! get there? dance over?!
 You know why these beach That's right! It
Go-Go... |You bet, Annette... Wa-wa-wa... takes their minds
pictures are so popular,
would you Go-Go? Because teenagers | off the humdrum
sing me a Hey, little doll, | adore you; in the audience like to things in their
romantic I said, hey, little doll, you are cool; identify with us and all} own lives .. . like
Xeenage I mean, hey, little doll, | live for you, our dancing and making-out! | dancing and
ballad ‘And for you I have dropped out of school.
Hey, little doll, you're a swinger,
And to love you I'd like to begin;
So, hey little doll, open your teenage heart
‘And let this poor drop-out drop in!

Who's ieiceaiad Gsubaenies

That was a nasty thing ||But, Annette— Hey, everybody!
that He's the “Iceberg’’because || he's a cold and
to say, Go-Go! I'm you're too old SURF'S UP!!
guy || Champion || he's a coldsurfer and |}friendless surfer
leaving you, and I'm || for the Mickey over || Surfer of || friend less who doesn’t
quitting beach movies! | Mouse Club!! Oh, shut up | the U.S.A. who doesn' t like know HOW to
I'm going back to Dizzy! It’s four ||there, to talk? talk! He was a
o'cloc k in the - His name
“cebe rg"! is ives Spal
Biz
Showiated! haa
I'm ofapprec
the part esi
—
where
i and besides,
the plot hasn't
drop-out!
bogged down!
It's dead!

As the Publisher, As the Editor,

Hi, gang! I'm Big Drug! Iceberg?! || I'll say!
| | must say—what 1 must say—I
We are now going to What a ||Whoever
a wonderful, witty couldn't agree
compete for the Surfing strange heard of
way for MAD to with you more,
Championship of the name! a Jewish
break into a new
Whole World! Who wants controversial area!
to challenge Iceberg?
 ir
Wait a minute! Dig that crazy Why? I'll tell you why...
I've suddenly seen Egghead! What Because the ocean is wild
the error of my chance does he and free, whereas the land
has beaten || square teenage have against is tame and subjugated.
all our | ways! Reading and
surfers, Iceberg when And if | can, in some small
and thinking are wrong! all us great way, repudiate surfer’s
it looks as Dancing and surfers have inhumanity to surfer, |
if he's the |Isurfing and making- failed! will know the glory of
Champion out are right! saving mankind, and the
of the Let ME challenge joy of a woman's lovel
Whole World, Iceberg!
What a
Disgrace!

eeireen

mi
oh
rt

Look... Iceberg § Look—now they're anemia

and Egghead are both riding a
both riding a
20-foot wave!
 You got No surfer This is itt
Ira is the name of the legendary No one! |} Why does \ in history Everything
I just me! Its
great wave of Malibu Beach which has ever || we stand for
z real name
comes in once every seven years! made
is “Manny’! ridden Ira || and love is
They say that if an American surfer it up!
before! riding on
ever rides Ira successfully, all of Egghead’s
World Communism will be destroyed! shoulders!

So this is — Yeah, and even more

the spot ae important—so is the
where the Yeah, it was a terrible || movie-going public! 1
that’s
whole cast || tragedy! But you know || Well, | guess beach uces,
of them something—we can be |} the end of Saas
for one thing! || movies for good!
beer ies ||thankful those | and then
was washed || At least kids are again, |
out to sea? ||out of their misery now! wonder . - «

Are you kidding? After this,

Wa-wa-wa-ooh-ah-ooh . . . I'ma we make “Ride The Wild Cloud’
happy-go-lucky teenage angel our last
picture, and then we make “Pearly Gates
in love with a swinging angel Party” and then we make “Bikini
chick, and | wanna dance and Johnny?
Heaven", and then we make. ..
make out on the clouds and
hate grownup angels forever .. -
Yeah, yeah—yeah, yeah, yeah
 OOO
GETTING EVEN WITH THE ODD DEPT. NEN RON R.POTZ
For many years now, a popular / ie We feel this
feature in our daily newspapers wonderful old
has been “Believe It Or Not.” feature could
However, because it has been in be revitalized
existence so long, its creators by a whole new
are finding it increasingly more approach...
difficult each day to come up one in which
with weird and startling items startling items
with which to amaze and confound that reflect
their readers. In fact, we find today’s world,
that they seem to be running out and comment
of astounding things, and that “socially”? on
it has gotten to the point where what’s going on,
a typical “Believe It Or Not” AND COINCIDENTALLY, BOTH HAVE HUSBANDS
are presented.
item reads something like this: WHO ARE OUT OF WORK/ Something like:

BRIAN “RAY FORBISHER —) so ver DIDNOT

A HANDSOME, SPORTS CAR: DRIVING @ ~ py GO THERE TO
-s OHIO STATE UNDERGRADUATE, WENT TO
Mm FORT LAUDERDALE DURING THE EASTER VACATION...
Make Our!

WE WENT To MIAMI 10 MAKE OUT /

A, FORT LAUDERDALE WAs Just
A STOPOVER ON THE WAY !

_ MXC CARNEGIE
x A WAITER AT A BUSY
ge BROADWAY RESTAURANT
WAS ASKED DURING THE HEIGHT IZ]
OF THE LUNCH HOUR, TO TAKE
BACK A BOWL OF CHICKEN
SOUP AND EXCHANGE IT FoR
A BOWLOF VEGETABLE Soup...
AND HE DID NOT GIVE THE
CUSTOMER AN —
HE MERELY PICKED UP THE
ARGUMENT / BOWL OF CHICKEN SOUP... AND
DUMPED IT ON THE CUSTOMERS HEAD

\ Gector L QUINLEY
L4 A CHAIN SMOKER FROM,
Shamokin, Pennsylvania
= READ So MUCH ABOUT
MMARCEBOUWANT . WALKED THROUGH NEW YoRK'S ty THE BAD EFFECTS OF
CENTRAL PARK EVERY WIGHT For THE PAST J7 YEARS... p= SMOKING
+o ws NEVER BEEN MUGGED OR ROBBED /
MARCEL 1S THE POODLE ! H/S MASTER, HORACE
10 WILLIAMS... WHO YOU SEE HERE WALKING MARCEL... i THAT HE GAVE UP
WAS BEEN MUGGED 1.472 TIMES // READING /
eitcreKron its
ARTIST: BOB CLARKE WRITER: ARNIE KOGEN

Cuarce —_s GOA LOMA toe

Or
BERKOWINZ
ps
LINDSEYROCK,
A BRONX CO-ED WHO
ATTENDS.
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY 4g”
ff / APOLITICAL FIGURE RUNNING
FOR OFFICE IN NEW YORK STATE,
WENT THROUGH AN
ENTIRE ELECTION CAMPAIGN
without ONCE EATING
A KNISH, PIZZA, EGGROLL
of BLINTZ
IN ORDER TO APPEAL TO
MINORITY GROUPS AND
SHOW HE WAS A "REGULAR GUY"!
HE CHOSE, INSTEAD, ToAPFEAL
STRICTLY 10 THE [INTELLIGENCE
< OF THE VOTER f/

sie
ef

JD DID NOT GOTO COLLEGE

SF TO FIND A HUSBAND!
‘SHE WENT TO COLLEGE TO FIND A
ISON J. LINDSEYROCK “SINGLE FELLOW" WHOM SHE COULD
LOST BY A LANDSLIDE !! TURN INTO A HUSBANDM!
CONTRARY T0 POPULAR BELIEF,

MUTUAL FUND SALESMEN |MARTY HERMAN

of Red Bluff, Del.
IsA
TRUCK DRIVER
‘ON ROUTE 17
and yet,
HE HAS ABSOLUTELY
NO IDEA
WHICH DINERS
SERVE THE
BEST FOOD /

THEY ARE, HOWEVER, WS WIFE INSISTS THAT HE TAKE A LUNCH BOX FROM HOME, AND EAT IN THE TRUCK To SAVE MONEY !!
UNBELIEVABLY BORING !
More on Page 48.
OFF THE BEATEN SOUND-TRACK DEPT. It's too bad it had to end this
With all the old movies being shown on way, Gary. We could have made
beautiful music together—
television nowadays, our young people you and I!
are suffering the same fate we older
folks suffered: Mainly, they're being
deluged by that corny old “Sure-Fire
Dialogue.” And so, this next article
is MAD's idea of what it'd be like—

IF
KIDS USED And they say nobody who goes in |*
there ever comes out the same.

MOVIE
CLICHES
IN Play your cards right,
Marjorie, and all this will
be yours some day!

EVERYDAY
LIFE
ARTIST: PAUL COKER, JR.
WRITER: HARRY PURVIS

| don’t know about you, Cartwright

ofbut | really needed 4
that! If this weapon were to fall
into the wrong hands, Farnsworth,
a By a it might mean total disaster
for us all!
 Nice little business
you've got here, Mitchell.
Too bad if anything were to
happen to it!

Aguy doesan awful

Loe
never ;
Now you know why I can
marry you, Arnold. You see,
that’s my father!

Blinky must have shot off his

mouth and spilled the beans!
Don't forget—if anyone stops us
—let me do the talking!

If anyone should ask, | was

here from nine o'clock to
ik ur mind, closing. Understand?
Doris?otThis kindofoftymon
Ste ey can buy
money
a lot of pret things.
 i
You're a funny sort
You're just like the of kid, Marcia. |
SiS Jothers, Shirley! They think never know exactly
@) I'm mad, too! how to take you!

Hear that, Darling,

She's ruined half a dozen they're playing
men to my knowledge! OUR SONG!

I'm not the same Johnny Jones

You know, Susan, this is the you knew back in Kindergarten,
kind of life you were meant for! Sally. If you know what's
good for you, you'll forget
all about me!

| don’t give a damn what your

parents say. Now that I’ve found
you, I'm not going to let you go
out of my life without a fight!

e
i
HAIR-’EM, SCARE-’EM DEPT.
nor boyfriends, nor even life itself
Nothing in the world . . . neither parents, nor friends,
this reason, and because today’s
_ is more important to a teenage girl than her hair. For
more publishers are trying to grab their
teenage girl has plenty of spending money, more and
hair and hair styles. Magazines like
share with magazines that are devoted exclusively to

HairGoo *
he Magazine Devoted Go Beautiful Hai
c Styles
ae =
NZ b,
Z

“THE SHOCK COIF”

Created by Mr. Pierre of Paris
when he accidentally spilled his
iced tea down model’s bare back

“THE SEE-THROUGH”
Created spontaneously by talented
Mr. Kenny. of Hollywood (rear)

*% LOVELY NEW ACCIDENTAL

CREATIONS (COVER) * HOW
TO OVERCOME ROLLER ROT
* WHY SOME GOLDEN LOCKS
TURN GREEN * HOW TO TELL
IF SHE DOES, OR DOESN’T
* 50 BRAND NEW HILARIOUS “THE YUL BRYNNER”
DOS
PARTY JOKES ABOUT HAIRYOUR Created by Mr. Freddy of Brooklyn
DETERMINE IF
* HOW TO after tightening rollers
just a wee bit too much
HAIRDRESSER IS—(ER)—DATEABLE

ARTIST: JACK RICKARD WRITER: AL JAFFEE

 HairGoo CONTENTS
Hears And Clhere
HAIRLINE HEADLINE NEWS PHOTOS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
How To Tease Your Hoir .......csscsssseesesen 4 CINDERELLA GIRL MARRIES KING
How To Calm Down Your Hair After It
Becomes Annoyed From All That Teasing -.......scscsssee- ea F

Avoid Trouble: Move Those Rollers To

New Locations At Least Once A Week ...cssessssccccsisereunsenenanenee 9

Making Curlers Safe In Electrical Storms .ssescoose ail

How To Temporarily Remove Curlers And Rollers

For Emergencies—like Brain Surgery ...
Your Summer Spraying Schedule:
Hair Set Mist; Lacquer, Paint; Insecticide ......-ccsssssesnensnsaed7
At her recent surprise wedding to King Alphonse Garnicht
Use Your Head; Grow AWig For Fun And Profit ibidaenNaveseeseenee QO of Lichtenstein, “Cinderella Girl” Zelda Barfman looked
ravishing in royal blue jumbo rollers. The bridesmaids
What To Do About Sticky Dead Bugs That Get who attended her all wore fuschia rollers and silver pins.
Caught In Lacquer-Sprayed Holt ...cscccssc-
FIRST WOMAN APPOINTED TO SUPREME COURT
What To Do About Those Lacquer-Spray Blotches MH i
In Back Of You On The Bathroom Wall .
A Beginner's Course In Braille—In Case You
Get Lacquer-Spray In Your Eyes
Tips On Making Your Deformed:-Looking Head
(Due To Wearing Those Super-Jumbo Rollers)
Appear like Something Closer To Normal
How To Fall Asleep While Wearing Hair Rollers .cjsscscsstessnsseneon 8

How To Wake Up (After Falling Asleep While

Wearing Hair Rollers) Without A Twisted Neck ccs...
itting in her very first session at the bench, following
Planning That Week-End Pajama Party Devoted her historic appointment to the U. S. Supreme Court, the
Entirely To Playing With Hairdos . . Honorable Claire Loosebolt wore solemn, dignified black
rollers in a coif modeled after the Statue of Justice.
New Products For Exciting Hairdo Experiments .
SEXTUPLETS BORN TO BROOKLYN HOUSEWIFE
New Medicines For Inflamed Scalps Due To
Exciting Hairdo Experiments...
Why Girls Are More Interested In Hairdos
Than In Boys—A Psychologist’s RepOTt sensu
Why Boys Are More Interested In Hairdos
Than In Girls—Or Psychologists... AT

An Eyewitness Report:
The Nasty Exchange Between Mr. Gerald
Of Hollywood And Mr. Peter Of Palm Springs .
6,546 Comb-Outs ......
Mrs. Andrew Breedwell, of Brooklyn, North Dakota,
9,385 Diagrams For Using Hair Rollers . proudly displays her brand new hair style, set by Mr. Percy
of Mercy Hospital. Posing along with Mrs. Breedwell, all
8-Page Reading List Of Books About Hair.......
in matching hair styles even though they are boys, are her
new sextuplets. “I wanted a girl,” smiled Mrs. Breedwell.
16
 Best Coifsofthe Month

Let freedom Pretty as a

ring with picture in
“The Statue “The
of Liberty” Frame”
by Mr. Michael by Mr. Irving
of Miami. of San Francisco

Deep in the heart of Texas with “The Longhorn”

by Mr. Morton ofSan Antonio

Merry Xmas. \
with =)
“Santa” SN ————
by Mr. Charles a > P"\
° f Oakland.
lant —= =) yyy))

Wy A charming Topping the topless with

a Wi choker in “Modest Maiden”
i “The by Mr. Stuart of County Jail
4 Noose”
j by Mr. Melvin
) of Dallas.
) Anchors
1
aweigh in
“The
Nautilus”
by Mr. Morris
of Coney Island

Playboys
delight in
“The
Bunny”
by Mr. Frank
of Center
Fold-Out
 THE BIRTH OF A
Mr. Teddy of Park Avenue Cr

Mr. Teddy, a famous N.Y. hairdresser, Suddenly it comes to Mr. Teddy .

studies lovely model for inspiration. brilliant idea for a gay new hairdo. It will be a tantalizing upsweep .. .
brushed into 3 sections at the crown.

HAIRDOS
Another exciting installment of the monthly feature that without endangering it. Remember, your crowning
offers hints and warnings so that you may enjoy your hair your most prized possession. With proper care and glory is
respect
ROLLING TOSSING

|
ZS
Grr

DO stuay roller diagrams
carefully before starting.
Then try several dry runs
1g Pefore getting into actual
intricate hairdo structures.
DON?T just start right
in. You run risk of getting
your hands caught. Unable
to open door, this gal was
trapped in her room 3 weeks.
DO tear to walk so that
your hair tosses casually
from side to side. Somehow
this has proven to be very
attractive to all young men.
DON?T walk with your
hips swinging and your hair
hanging straight down. For
some reason, young men find
this unappealing and unsexy.
MASTHAIRPIECE
ates a Breathtaking New Coif!

‘Swiftly he goes to work, combing and In his artistic hands, pins and clips Voila! A new creation fit for a queen!
and rollers fall perfectly into place. ‘Talented Mr. Teddy hasdone it aga

ND DON'TS
brushing—deftly teasing and setting.

it can gi you endless pl . pleasures that you important this could be if ever you were to be marooned
can enjo alone and by your if for hours. Just think how on a desert island, or if you had to spend time in jail.

LACQUERING FALLING

DO hold lacquer spray can DON’T spray carelessly DO plan with extreme care
the direction in which your
D
to you. A
let this happen
hairdo like this
at the proper distance from and absent-mindedly —like
may look lovely, but really
your hair, and spray with a when you're on the phone hair will fall once you've
fine mist to give a bright, —or disastrous results removed rollers. This seems isn't when you consider it
natural sheen to your hair. (such as above) may occur. easy but can be very tricky. is a front view of her face.
 The HairnGoo
Shopping Bag
Devoted to presenting the latest and finest in hair
care products. Before any product can be included
bere, our laboratory thoroughly tests, examines,
analyzes, compares, investigates and inspects the
manufacturer's attitude toward payola. If be meets
our high standards, we then recommend bis product.
PORTA-POO KIT
= ath ws
Now you can shampoo anywhere and
any time—at home, in a car, plane, bus,
subway, rocket, etc. The plastic bag
clamps tightly over your head, and
soap and water are pumped in by the
rubber ball. $40.00, Suds Industries.
ROLLER- CHIEF
ly
kerchief with built-in rollers. Just throw
it over your head with rollers face
down on your hair before meeting
friends, and fool them into thinking
you have a date for that night. Also
eliminates feeling naked among other
girls in rollers. $17.00, B. J. Corp.
HAIRDO-CADDY
home, this is a “must” for the modern
hair-conscious young lady. Everything
you need for any hair problem or set
imaginable can be stored in it. Ends
clutter of rollers, pins, spray cans,
curlers, etc. Jumbo size (not shown)
available at slight extra cost. Mail
order only. $185.00, this magazine.
20
Dea Miss Hair Goo
Dear Miss HairGoo:
My girl friends and I argue about
wearing hair rollers at the beach. I say
it’s not proper, especially if we want to
meet the boys. I am enclosing a snap-
shot of all of us. As you can see, the
girls are wearing rollers and I am not.
(I'm the one on the left in the topless
suit.) Who is right?
Good Taste
San Diego, Cal.
Dear Good Taste:
Sorry, but we agree with your
friends. Hair rollers are acceptable ev-
erywhere nowadays. And the boys are
not the least bit offended, as one can
plainly see by the happy wide-eyed
group in the picture. Don’t be such an
old fuddy-duddy, Good Taste! Get
with it!
Dear Miss HairGoo:
Last Wednesday, while sitting in the
Freem Theater watching Sandra Bouf-
fant in “Teenage Love On A Surf-
board At Bikini Beach,” some clod
brushed past and knocked all my hair
rollers off my head. They spilled all
over the place under seats, These roll-
ers (at least 73 of them) were the ex-
pensive pink “Jumbo” kind, and cost
me at least 7 month’s babysitting
money. Shouldn't the theater pay me
back for them, since it was one of their
customers who did it?
Sore
Rancid, Texas
Dear Sore:
We seem to recall reading about this
incident in our local papers. Isn’t that
the one where twenty-eight emergency
cases were admitted to your local hos-
pital with injuries ranging from frac-
tured arms and legs to broken necks
and brain concusstons following the
show? And didn’t it come out that each
patient had slipped on a hair roller as
he was leaving his seat? And isn’t the
theater being sued for several million
dollars? But back to your question.
Yes, you do have a right to collect.
After all, as you pointed out, the roll-
ers were quite expensive. But more
than that—look at the embarrassment
you were caused when your set was
ruined! The more we think about it,
the madder we get!
Dear Miss HairGoo:
Last month, I bought one of the
products advertised in your magazine,
and I had a lot of trouble with it. The
product was “Hair-Gro,” which was
supposed to help hair grow vigorously
and healthy or my money back. Well,
I've been trying to get my money back,
but the manufacturer refuses to give
it to me. I followed the instructions
just as it said on the box. I mixed the
Stuff in a big bowl and poured it on
my head and rubbed it in with a
sponge. Well, my hair is growing fine,
as they promised. But it is also grow.
ing on my hands, face, neck, shoul-
ders, and even on my sponge. When I
wrote them about this, they said that
the guarantee only covers my head,
and the rest is my problem. I don't
think this is fair. What do you intend
doing about this?
Itchy Palms
Boston, Mass.
ica
Dear Itchy Palms:
You will be pleased to hear of the
prompt action we have taken against
the makers of “Hair-Gro.” In all fu-
ture full-page color ads they run in this
magazine, they will not be permitted
to display the “HairGoo Seal Of Ap-
proval.” We just don’t fool around
when it comes to protecting our read-
ers.
Dear Miss HairGoo:
I tried the gorgeous “Coif Of The
Month” featured’ in your last issue,
and it really turned out beautiful. I
got compliments wherever I went. But
now I would like to try a different coif,
and I can't seem to get the “Coif Of
The Month” to come down. Where
did I goof?
Bewildered
Blytheville, Ark.
Dear Bewildered:
You didn’t goof! We did! What hap-
pened to you also happened to 4,578
other HairGoo readers. It seems there
was an unfortunate chemical reaction
between the setting lotion and the hair
spray we recommend—something like
the way epoxy glue works when you
mix the two little tubes together. But
don’t fret. It may be rock-hard now,
but in a month or so, new soft hair will
grow up and. you'll be able to cut the
whole silly thing loose. And by a lucky
coincidence, next issue will feature a
full line of “Crew-Cut Coifs’ that
could become the exciting new style-
trend of the year. And if it goes, you'll
be there—in the forefront of it all.
 THERE’S A SOCCER BORN EVERY MINUTE DEPT.
time college
For years, the nation’s educators have been howling about the evils inherent in such big
that not enough
sports as football and basketball. They contend that there’s too much professionalism,
lifted a finger to correct the situation
boys have a chance to participate, etc. But no one really
new sport that promises to
until MAD’s Athletic Council went to work—and he’s come up with a brand
pastime
provide good, clean amateur fun for all. Here, then, are the rules for this great new national
as...
of the future. Digest them carefully and be the last person in your neighborhood to play...

MAD MAGAZINE
introduces

43-MAN SQUAMISH ARTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE WRITER: TOM KOCH

A Squamish team consists of 43 players: the left & right three Offensive Niblings, four Quarter-Frummerts, two Half-
the left & right Outside Grouches, four Frummerts, one Full-Frummert, two Overblats, two Under-
Inside Grouches,
Deep Brooders, four Shallow Brooders, five Wicket Men, blats, nine Back-Up Finks, two Leapers and a Dummy.

Each player is equipped with a long hooked stick known as
a Frullip. The Frullip is used to halt opposing players
attempting to cross your goal line with the Pritz (ball).
The Official Pritz is 3% inches in diameter and is made
of untreated Ibex hide stuffed with Blue Jay feathers.
Play begins with the Probate Judge flipping a new Spanish
peseta. If the Vi 1g Captain calls the toss correctly,
the game is immediate ly cancelled. If he fails to call it
correctly, then the Home Team Captain is given his choice
of either carrying the Pritz . . . or defending against it.
 f
fate
The game of Squamish is played on a 5-sided field known
as a Flutney. The two teams line up at opposite sides of
the Flutney and play seven Ogres of fifteen minutes each
—unless it rains, in which case they play eight Ogres.
The offensive team, upon receiving the Pritz, has five
Snivels in which to advance to the enemy goal. If they do
it on the ground, it’s a Woomik and counts 17 points. If
they hit it across with their Frullips, it’s a Dui
which only counts 11 points. Only the offensive Niblings
and Overblats are allowed to score in the first 6 Ogres.
A typical seventh Ogre play is shown below. Team “A”—
trailing 516-209, is in possession of the Pritz with fourth
Snivel and half the Flutney to go. Suddenly, the left
Underblat, going for the big one, sends two Shallow
Brooders and the Full-Frummert downfield, Obviously, he
is going to try for a Woomik when the opposition expects
a Durmish. A daring play of this type invariably brings
the crowd rising to its feet and heading for the exits.
GO 0
(2) SHALLOW BCODERS|
RIGHT PROSITE ps
Q) SHALLOW BRoopa=e4
LEFT.
J
ig right Outside Grouch
signifies that he is
ready to hurl the Pritz by shouting, “Mi Tio es infermo,
pero la carretera es verde!"—a wise old Chilean proverb
that means, “My Uncle is sick, but the highway is green!”
Special rules, applicable only during the seventh Ogre,
turn the game into something very akin to Buck Euchre.
During this final Ogre (and the eighth, if it rains), the
four Quarter-Frummerts are permitted to either kick or
throw the Pritz, and the nine Finks are allowed to heckle
the opposition by doing imitations of Barry Goldwater.
A variety of penalties keep play from getting out of hand.
Walling the Pritz, Frullip-gouging, icing on fifth Snivel,
running with the mob and raunching are all minor infrac-
tions subject to a ten-yard penalty. Major infractions
(sending the Dummy home early, interfering with Wicket
Men, rushing the season, bowing to the inevitable and
inability to face facts) are punishable by loss of half
the Flutney, except when the Yellow Caution Flag is out.
Squamish rules provide for 4 officials: a Probate Judge,
a Field Representative, a Head Cockswain and a Baggage
Smasher. None has any authority after play has begun. In
the event of a disagreement between the officials, a final
decision is left up to the spectator who left his car in
the parking lot with the lights on and the motor running.
Amateur Squamish players are strictly forbidden to accept
subsidies, endorse products, make collect phone calls or
eat garlic. Otherwise, they lose their amateur standing.
ing a game.
ange?
The original charter for an annual meeting of the
calls
National Squamish Rules Committee . At its inaugural meet-
ing, the committee approved a re-wording of Article XVI,
Paragraph 77, Section J of the rules. This section, which
formerly read: “The offensive left Underblat, in all even-
numbered Ogres, must touch down his Frullip at the edge
of the Flutney and signal to the Head Cockswain that he
is ready for play to continue,” has now been simplified
In the event of a tie score, the teams play a sudden-death
overtime. The exception to this rule occurs when opposing
Left Overblats are both out of the game on personal fouls.
When such is the case, the two teams line up on opposite
sides of the Flutney and settle the tie by shouting di
malt
limericks at each other until one team breaks up laughing.
Schools with small enrollments which preclude participa-
tion in 43-Man Squamish may play a simplified version of
the game: 2-Man Squamish. The rules are identical, except
that in 2-Man Squamish, the object of the game is to lose.
a
to read: “The offensive left Underblat, in all even-num-
bered ogres, must touch down his Frullip at the edge of
the Flutney and signal to either the Head Cockswain, or
to any other official to whom the Head Cockswain may have
delegated this authority in writing and in the presence
of two witnesses, both of whom shall have been approved
and found to be of high moral character by the Office of
the Commissioner, that he is ready for play to continue.”
 TALK OF THE TOWNS DEPT.
In response to an overwhelming
public apathy, we are sad to
announce that this is the 8th
and final installment of ...

Did you see

this new ma
of Finkville?. What's the scale
on this map—an
inch to a mile?
I quit my job [Mead
atthe mill
after 27 years!

What
did Se
you
and i dock si
Harold jign at the
There's Henry, the —
something | Town Bore! He just ff
do A&P. Then we watched three shaves special :
on at Zebb's Barber Shop. Then we about
|| Put 8 mento jf! What’s so great
Saturday counted the sidewalk cracks all sleep in 3 minutes!|| about that? Any
night? Prom i bore in this town
the way to the end of Main Street. Night!
And then we took turns setting the . could do the same!
= =>
air pressure indicator at Barney's .
Service Station until dawn broke! Son, can you tell
me where the business
section of this town is?

eon there ain’t nothing

no theft problem! ||And that’s because |} worth stealing!
you build strong
moral character?
How do |
get to the
But that'll
local hotel? take me into
Well, y'head down the road ‘bout three ||the next town! ||P Darn right!
miles, turn left at the fork, then go We don’t like
four miles till y’come tothe ol” bridge! strangers here!
 OUNDS Fear ARTIST: PAUL COKER JR.
WRITERS:
LARRY SIEGEL & FRANK JACOBS

Abig city is I'll say!

a nice place
to visit, but
| wouldn’t want
to live there!

Ina - Yup! Well, one

big city, more game and
it’s rush, a
tush, rush! JYup,""P'cscier
here life |}to|then
—{f I'll"Il have
mosey ha
along!
and more
pleasant!

One thing | can't stand !

is small town people know!
who gossip just for the But I
sake of gossiping! Oh, have to
by the way... did you tell this
hear about Emma Barnes
and the milkman?
That's why I want
to leave! It's too tH if
i
But you have your roots [| darn crowded with Ge lay
here! This is the town all of them living iAN hi
of your great grandparents, in one house!
your grandparents, your
parents and all your kin!
There's no religious problem = byterian,
in Finkville! Members of the Wea and
Three Great Western Religions Really?
live here in peace and harmony! }! what Three
Fig} Great Western
Religions?
is just akout the
greatest, most wonderful town a
guy could grow up in! It’s got
all other towns beat by a mile!

You say you have aon

no racial problems
in this town?
None 7 (4
whatsoever! i l understand you want a sign
saying ‘You are now entering
Wonderful! How Finkville" and one saying
many Negroes live ‘Surely, you're not zal Even'though “You are now leaving Finkville”’
in this town? going to arrest me - cia put up? Where do you want ‘em?

)
for speeding, Officer? ||That’s what || Walkingt
None I’m doin’, =!
whatsoever! stranger! i

()
JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PARTI

Dh
WA
BAN
IAMBIC SPEEDOMETER DEPT.

THE MODERN HIGHWAYMA

With apologies to Alfred Noyes

W
aadsiDy SF
it
——————
7
HENS
- l‘i— \ maya
{trivia Ue
= WICC S /
== bb ppl
jan
S

The wind was a torrent of darkness, running an endless race. And the highwayman came driving —
The moon was a silvery rocket, careening through outer space. Driving — driving —
The road was bathed in neon, a pagan for man to anoint, The highwayman came driving, to “Charlie’s Hamburger Joint.”

He'd a baseball cap on his forehead, a short goatee at his chin.
A jacket of smooth, black leather, and dungarees neat as a pin
(Except for a few random grease spots): his engineer boots reached his thigh.
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His stick-on-the-floor a-twinkle,
His stolen hubcaps a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.
He kicked up dust in the driveway and screeched to a halt in the lot.
He raced his engine a few times, to call to the heart of his heart.
He leaned on his horn for a minute, and who should come from the back
But Charlie’s black-eyed daughter,
Shirley, the owner's daughter,
* Aglow with her blue eye-shadow, and munching on a snack.

canaeee
SNA
Gi
 Amid dark in the dark, old kitchen, a French-fry basket fell,
Where Clyde, the dishwasher, listened, listened as one in a spell.
His eyes were orbs of anger, his hair was uncut hay,
But he loved old Charlie’s daughter,
His boss’ swinging daughter,
Mute as a moose he listened and heard the dragster say:
He shifted into neutral and rose from his bucket-seat,
And would have kissed his Shirley, but she continued fo eat.
She stopped her munching long enough to blow a kiss his way.
And she waved her hand in the moonlight,
(Fair, fragile hand in the moonlight),
Then he shifted to first in the moonlight and wheeled off to the fray.
They said not a word to Charlie, They drank their coffee black.
But they warned his daughter, Shirley, to stay out of the back,
For they knew she loved the highwayman and longed to be his bride,
And they sat on two stools by the window;
And they watched the road through the window,
And she moaned as she looked through the window, at the road that he would ride.
“How ‘bout a kiss, huh, Shirley? I’m draggin’ this fink t’night,
An’ I'l be back with his double-fin, unless he puts up a fight.
But if he won't han’ it over, an’ | use my wrench on his head,
Then look for me f‘morra night,
Watch for me t’morra night,
1'll come an’ see ya t’morra night,” the bold daredevil said.
ch, WM
There were no wheels screeching at breakfast as Shirley downed her eggs.
And no horn blaring at lunchtime and her dozen chicken legs.
She had finished a couple of pizzos and she was saying her pre-supper grace,
When the blue squad car came screaming —
Screaming — screaming —
Old John Fuzz came screaming into her daddy's place.
The road, with its neon luster, stretched out like a sleeping snake.
She nervously nibbled her lower lip and reached for some chocolate cake.
When, Lo and Behold! by the cake tin, old Charlie's truck keys lay.
A circle of gold on the counter,
She reached for them there on the counter;
Her fingers were two inches from them, when her father walked over to say:
Tor
ne

“If you try to help your boyfriend while those two cossacks are here,
They could make me close this place up and go to jail for a year.
So if you try to warn him in any manner or way,
Then you go right on a diet,
A bare, subsistence diet;
Not one snack more will | let you eat till they cart my corpse away!”
The cops in their seats by the window spoke in Neanderthal tones.
The fever to catch the highwayman coursed a white-hot stream through their bones.
They muttered of burning his license, their voices grew louder, and then—
Shirley’s dream world vanished!
All dreams of food were banished;
She turned her back on the chocolate cake, never to taste it again.
She glanced at the cops. Had they heard if? It seemed like an earthquake to her!
But their noses were still in their coffee, their beady, black eyes didn’t stir.
‘The engine grew louder and louder! Her lover came nearer, so near!
Then a gust of night air filled the diner,
As Shirley slipped out of the diner;
She flew like a shot from the diner, her heart slowly sinking with fear.
Her fingers retreated like pipers across a formica beach.
The circlet of keys tantalized her, just within her reach.
Yet the mountain of sweet chocolate dared her, Satan in Pillsbury form,
And visions of food warmed her senses,
Eclairs and pies burned her senses;
Pizzas and malts seared her senses and began an emotional storm.
Her fingers slid over the counter, the cold keys kissed her hand.
With forced-ease she walked from the counter and stood by the newspaper stand.
‘And there at the stand near the doorway, she guarded the road with her ear,
Till she thought she heard the growling,
The old, familiar growling;
Then she looked down the stretch of the highway and saw her love drawing near!
Up, up to the truck’s seat she vaulted, She jiggled the key in the slot.
Then, coughing, the engine turned over. On two wheels she tore from the lot!
She slammed the truck into second, down the road to her lover she sped.
And she blasted the truck horn to warn him;
Off and on went the headlights to warn him;
She did all she could think of to warn him of the trap that was waiting ahead.
 Her hopes leapt like flames as she saw him pull off to the side of the road.
She'd saved him! He'd turn and escape them. Her heart was relieved of its load.
She heard a dull wail from the diner; a siren that only warned “cop.”
Then the highwayman turned in the highway,
He turned his car ‘round in the highway;
“The fool!” thought Shirley, “He's crazy!” (There was surely no time for delay!)
Before her, the highwayman waited; behind came the wolves for the prey.
Too late! The squad car flashed by her. Oh, why did the highwayman lag?
He had heard her horn blaring to warn him,
And seen the lights flashing to warn him;

oe
Bose
= arBRE.
Ina flash he had turned in the highway. But then, Shirley saw her love stop! But he didn’t hear cops coming for him, he was so damn anxious to drag!
©
o
{ q
i fh =
“ay” i PUCKA puckA
tL Bunkeunk (Q) ||
Se aga

And still on a summer's night, they say, when the wind starts its endless race, A highwayman comes riding—
When the moon is qsilveryrocket, careening through outer space, Riding—riding—
When the road is bathed in neon, a pagan for man to anoint, A highwayman comes riding, to “Charlie’s Hamburger Joint.”

Roma ravatavAt
MAYATATAVA

He spins his tires in the driveway and brakes to a halt in the lot.
He leans his bicycle near the door and calls for the heart of his heart.
He jingles his bell a few times; a specter from out the back sails.
It’s Charlie’s black-eyed daughter!
Shirley, the owner’s daughter!
Aglow with her blue eye-shadow and chewing on her nails,
NUTS WITH BOLTS DEPT.

As you may or may not know, Map

currently has a circulation of THE MAD
GUN
approximately 1, 650,000 copies
per issue and, what with pass-on
readership, we figure that we’ve
probably got about 7,000,000
readers. Now, then... how many OWNERS
AND OTHER
of you 7,000,000 readers would
like to see us publish another
Primer? Good! Here is a Primer
for both of you — entitled...
0, ( + \\ SMALL BORES
PRIMER

Written by Larry Siegel

Illustrated by George Woodbridge
me g eis

See the nice man.

‘The nice man is a Gun Owner.
Gun Owners are very fond of their guns.
They kiss them a lot.
See the nice man kiss his Luger.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Is he in love with his Luger?
Of course not, silly!
How could this man get serious with a German gun?
It would never work out.
‘They are of different nationalities.
Let's just say that they are good friends.
See the nice man now.
He is hunting with another of his guns.
See him shoot the pretty deer.
Bang, bang, bang.
See the pretty deer’s blood gush.
Gush, gush, gush.
What fun they are having!
See how happy the hunter is.
See how happy the hunter's dog is.
‘The pretty deer is not happy.
He is a spoil-sport.
 LESSON THREE
Oh, isn’t this funny?
The pretty deer is not dead yet.
He is only wounded.
See the man pump more bullets into him.
Pump, bang, pump, bang.
Hunting is such a wonderful sport.
It is a lot more fun than other sports
Like Baseball,
And Football,
And Spanish Inquisitions,
LESSON SEVEN
See the gun store.
Anybody can huy a gun and ammunition here.
See the people shopping for guns.
Shop, shop, shop.
See the nice lady.
She is bargain-hunting.
She wants to do away with her husband.
Because he’s no bargain.
See her buy a pistol for $8.00,
And a bullet for 9¢.
Wait, nice lady! Don't go yet! Think...
You forgot your green stamps!
LESSON FOUR
Look, the nice man is walking away.
He is leaving the deer to rot.
Aren’t you going to eat the deer, nice man?
After all, you killed him.
And deer meat is very tasty.
Isn’t this funny?
Do you know why the man won't eat the deer?
Because he is a vegetarian!
Ha, ha, ha.
Perhaps instead of shooting a deer next time,
Why doesn’t the nice man shoot a head of lettuce?
See the nice sick man,
Sick, sick, sick.
He bought his gun through the mail.
What is he going to do now?
He is going to shoot someone he doesn't like.
Why don’t the police arrest him?
Because he is not carrying a concealed weapon.
He is carrying it in the open for all tosee.
Later on the police will arrest him.
After he shoots the person he doesn’t like.
Aren't you glad that justice is blind?
 LESSON FIVE LESSON SIX

WOOP
ERE

See the other man.

He is running for Congress.
He wants to do away with all taxes.
He wants to abolish the Supreme Court.
He wants private ownership of the CIA.
He is some kind of nut.
But he will be elected.
Do you know why he will be elected?
Here is another Gun Lover. Because all the Gun Owners will vote for him.
He keeps a pistol in his desk drawer. Why will they vote for him?
Because he is also against any new law
It gives him a sense of power.
So he keeps his gun handy. Which will require registration of firearms.
He keeps his gun very handy. He claims that if there is a war,
His children have no trouble finding it. We might be invaded by Communists,
His family has been shrinking every day. And we will all need guns.
Shrink, shrink, shrink. With nuts like that in Congress,
Tt could happen.
‘Aren't guns great for beating the Population Explosion?

Pg).
eo
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CREDIT REFERENCES DISCOURAGED Dum-Dum Bullets .....

FINK’S SPORTING GOODS BAS Dandy

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EXTRA SPECIAL!!! AS LONG AS THEY LAST
AcBombs (allel used. One: ‘
wwner Nagacaki-type
FAG 1045 bombs, Formerly owne e old
Who flew with them inplanes only on Sundays)... $6,452,290
Statement. So_ we'll sell merchandise to anyood: 52,95 down. Take as long as 3,000,000 years to
what happens when you lic. You could get 2 pimpl pay. Or FREE .. . whichever is more convenient,

LESSON NINE He is busy searching for obscene mail.

See the typical magazine ad. Search, search, search.
See how easy it is to buy guns by mail. He wants to make sure that sick people
Isn’t it fun to buy lethal weapons by mail? Who order lethal weapons by mail
Where is your friendly Postmaster? Have clean minds.
ve

KIDDI ” ON THE KEYS DEPT.

Some time ago, we introduced an exciting new gan
writer can play. Then we sat back and waited for
of 1962...and we're still waiting! What's wron;

Typewr WRITERS ;

ra.
out to your car,
¢£ Come on
sont al
Let's
Mrs. Jones. EVERYBODY
sing!
GEG Of
xe aE ¥
Sorin ----------
moment, and I'll show
you thefifth reel of =O =n= OO mm a
my vacation movies... ale Sehr 0 OS ee

' Oe-=—=—=_e mee 00

ZZ2Z 222

mee Se
Z2ZZ
KKKKKKKKKKKKKK
222

Z2Z

So this is
the Playboy
Club, eh...

Pardon me,
Maybe it's but is that
my breath... seat taken?

| hhhhhhhhhhhhh
esa ni !1 hbhhhhhhhnhbh
| hhhhhhhhhhbhhh
| get the feeling | don’t think
he's always trying you're getting
to be one up on me. across to them,
Professor!

Xx x

You should stand

up straight and
be proud of your LOP PTT PLP
ET TR Tete
height, Rosemary. 1 2EVEPPPAPPPAAIT I
WERSERREEERERERE SS
Ha a WO SeA Oa
ie that anyone with a sense of humor and a type-
the fad to sweep the nation. That was in July
Z with you clods out there? It's fun creating--

BETTE
-Toons
& DEAN NORMAN ART BY ROYAL PORTABLE

1 | have a hunch that

I
1 Lefty is planning to
1
! doublecross us, Chief.
Gentlemen... as far
as price is concerned, '
1
you'd better talk to 1
1
my agent, Manny, here... !
'
1
1
1
1 Really? | didn’t think
it was a particularly
i1 difficult test at alll
'
'
1
1
1
1 F A
I love these I don't know why they
Rockettes, hired her. She can't
Don't you? type or take dictation.

Junior! How many

times have |
told you not to
slam the door!

1|ee
Sure, anybody can touch Gee, Dad... ya
their toes, but can you mean they'll
touch your palms to the actually grow
floor like this! up to be FROGSI?

t
'
Georgel 1
You've been {H Oe pues Bg
drinking t 999 ~9
again! \ 79 9
H ? 9
1

'
yea ane uae!
pair o M he 1 I said “Right
ay ees Facel”, O'Hara,
you idiot!
Q | warned you “RIGHT Face!”
to hang on to
RB vit that balloon!

eT —

yO)
At beueal
2?
Oh, well...
* back to the old
drawing board!
 BERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPT.

“THIF?
LIGHT THR
SIDE OF
Spring is here! | just
saw the first sign!
TF
={ No, the Good Humor Ice Cream truck! }

Hey, Barbara, | I'm always You've got to be aie i A ? | said | need something to
need some—uh? afraid that ruthless! Out!
What's all this?
ight... i put nails and screws in. Do
‘the moment OUT! EVERYTHING i
Why bother with | throw OUT! ‘ al because |
you have any old jars?
Spring cleaning something need some—
if you keepon + out, I'll
saving more and find a use
more useless

Oh, how lovely! The first mild day of
Spring . .. wonderful, wonderful Spring! 4 |
The bitter Winter is over, and neighbors
_-e, & who haven't seen each other in months
pr are coming out of doors... . as if
from hibernation!
| Look who's still alive! Hi, Vivian! } |\] Vivian, darling! Long time, no see!
Hey, you sure are getting a lot of \ J] Saay, put on a little weight over
| use out of that jacket! This is \ | ‘the Winter didn’t you?
| the fifth season, isn’t it?
My z
Ay
Hi, Ed! Well, it's Spring q Okay! It'll So long! See
again... time to flush take about you next fall!
out the ol’ anti-freeze twenty
and Summerize the car! minutes!

I've just finished doing Gee, Jack, | never realized it

the whole lawn . . . you know, before, but you are a truly
raking, scratching the soil, |, warm-hearted and unselfish
fertilizing, seeding, and man! To think that you went
rolling! Boy, am | beat! to all that expense and labor!

Hi, Viv! Boy, it's been a rough siege, Hey, there, Vivian! Now | know it
eh? | see you've gotten a few more must have been a long hard Winter!
grey hairs! The years sure are taking 1 can tell just by looking at you!
their toll, aren’t they?
 For goodness sakes, Arnold! Can't you
wait just a few more days until the
golf courses open?

Like the poet, Locksley Hall |<

u
| got news for you... “Who will help
said... .‘‘In Spring, ig me get my
a young man’s fancy
turns to thoughts of love.””
That young man is my son, pas Teese for
and he's had these same |/ said the Little.
Suse thoughts of love during Red Hen
the January blizzards! | // ao.

Hurry up and get the storm Then dash over to the garage Hurry up! Make it snappy! Listen, Buster... 1
windows off, and put up and get out the Summer Dash here! Quick, there!
the screens! And make it know you! Once the
furniture and the barbecue! WILL YOU STOP RUSHING Baseball Season starts
‘snappy! Then, quick like a bunny, ME ALREADY!?!
z «++ FORGET ITH
paint the front picket fence! |/

Hey, George! Raking Yeah, | know! But | work Okay, I'll buy that!
What the heck} | up the My neighbor's!
are you doing? leaves! on the principle that if So what leaves are
Autumn leaves are left you raking up now?
alone, they'll blow over
to my neighbor's lawn
...and he'll rake
them up for me!
 The frozen crust of the earth The temperature is a balmy
See, Stevie! It's
Spring! The trees “1 has thawed, the heavens have 73 degrees, the seeds are ‘| SO PUT
are beginning to '| wept for joy with April showers, cracking through their shells YOUR SLED
bud and life is (| rivulets of water are running and sending up green shoots,
starting anew— through the once rock-hard soil and the Robin Red-Breast is AWAY
changing it to life-giving mud— chirping his happy message, ALREADY!!
telling the world that the
long hard Winter is over—

“Who will help “1 will!” |)“1 willl”, ‘*DROP DEAD.

me put my boat said said
eon ALL OF F YOU ,
into the water?” me?” said ve said the Little Red Hen!
said the Little the Little
Red Hen... Red Hen... Katz!

a Ae “
Though April showers
may come your way...
z 4

Children, today Spring is for flowers! Baloney! Spring Robert! For speaking out of
is the first Spring is for warm days! means studying turn and being so negative,
day of Spring. Spring is for getting hard, and final you will stay after school
What's nice dark later! Spring is exams, and report and write something nice
about this _| for putting tops down cards, and Daddys about Spring on the black-
Season? Edward? on convertibles! Spring hollering! Phooey board one hundred times!
is for pretty ladies on Spring!
putting on shorts!
 BILLFOLD-OUT DEPT.

HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH OUR FICT

WE'D PROBABLY FIND IF WE WERE TO
pes HUGH M. HEENER
RESS: The PLAYBOY CUCACOUL
SN tae
Magazine; Ounerof Playbayky obChatn;Fedecator
i): ServaFhil
l osopphtr
TK Hest;
;
_IN_CASE
OF EMERGENCY, NOTIFY:
Ante, JiyneMansi. Mamiln Dey,
Michele; TaneWilkenson, ChristeSpeckStelle
Stevens...ta back, any cagoPBlices.

ia Avenue,
~ 1600 Pennsylvan
2000
rict of Columbia
Washington, Dist ,
er
_ Hugh M. Hefn r of "PLAYBOY"
ishe
matter & Publ Street
232 East Ohio is 60600
no (Ages 20-20%)
Chicago, Illi
Dear Mr. Hefner
: to
CHICAGO
happy
(Loop District)
r and are
pictorial tribute
As to your "ree
ton". uss the
isable to disc VOLUME XXVII
Luci Bird.
(Mallory — Maxwell)
ds
‘low them to

matter
pe done. ren
gg es ti on tha’
su llywood.
for then from Ho

However s than
k Mr. Huy igh M. Hef
Eiayboy‘Maimeee
icago, Ilinois
DearMr.Hefner:

© are sor vy, ""

we will lose you asa custeens his does
er.

lid
iNncerely vy,

Edward &;
V.P.In Ch,
 A CELEBRITY'S
WALLET PLAYBOY
- Office Memo
@ e
Lge Managing Editor the playboy mansion :
FROM: Jack Kessie,

ae a | OFFICE OF THE HOUSEKEEPER

Hugh,
ir:
Sir:
looks like we are stuck for a "Ribald Dear Mr. Hefner,
at Set form the upcoming issue. There
Classic The following is the Schedule
to be any “provocative” or of Activities you
doesn't ago '¢ adventures from past prepared for next week-end's simple "Let's Get
Acquainted And Say 'Hi' To The August Issue"
ees incur files at the moment. party. Please confirm that everything is in order.
What should we do?
8:15 GUESTS ARRIVE: Cocktails served in the den.
Takis, |Rat we've done before umelor these 8:30 YOUR ENTRANC E: The girls of "Cleopatra" wiil
dance in from the librar y bearing you on
‘ De con weeJust tales theactual eveits their shoulders. After a 20-minute spectacle,
circum stam they will carefully lower you amidst your
ofa Aigpical meckond al manaiardndl
One. re guests. Then they will mingle--serving hors
d'oeuvres.
translat
itule
e fancy Hugh — :00 BUSINESS CONFERENCE: Yourself, A.C. Spec-
torsky, Ray Russell, William Iverson, James
Baldwin, Shel Silver stein, Larry Siegel and

Th w Yor!kthPLAYBO
Nee Y Club cunt daageta
-..the pool.
tepbay ede olasee nes will take place in the usual conference area
Street, New York City, N.Y.)
Five East Fifty-Nin' i.
scram m MR HUGH M.HEENER 9) 2: cso oven:111 ne note giv into
ATTENTION: OF "Splashing", "Water Polo", "Drowning",
Sc \ i\ ‘Underwater Frug Lessons in Scuba Gear" and
SUBJECT: { those who want to participate for
LSKY |
THE FOLLOWING BUNNY
BAR HiPS)BELSKY EVENING SNACK: Miss March, Miss‘ April and x
avs |
The Bunnies Of New Orleans- ~all sans suits
Fase come
phe Pirehients pole: feon their
third floor chambe
WAS CAUGHT Shish Kabob for thers,hungry
carrying flaming
guests.
NyCODE OF RULES. :30 COLOR SLIDE DISPLAY: All enter living room
1sA DISTINGT VIOLATION OFTHE BUTNY Oyce BELOW: for a showing of 6' x 10’ illuminated color
wall JSeINDICATE THEPUNISH!
wo pehall Tem!
Toon frthe Slides of "The Girls of Vietnam."
ar Ha 'S. te Bunny, whe )11:00 AUTO RACE: Ken Purdy
| Glad EA lenges J. Paul Getty in a Dual Ghia chal-
g eat in a Kaiser Fraser...
om HiMpt : 15 miles around the Master Bedroom.
DANCING: Everybody dance while The Bunnies
from Miami stand on the table and "Frug"
in the Chopped Liver bowls.
END-OF-EVENING FREE-FOR-ALL: The 1,267
guests all form a Conga Line and dance out
onto Michigan Blvd.--after which they re-
turn to their respective guest bedrooms,
where they pick up pillows and meet in the
halls for "Pillow-Fighting-Until-Dawn."™
JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART II

=
rtuiHW Ea ==) I =
Ct =
 ONE HORSING-AROUND TOWN DEPT.

ONE OF THE NEW SHOWS This Is The Never-Ending Story Of. ..

BRIGHTENING THIS FINE
'65 TV SEASON COMES ON
TWICE A WEEK—AS IF
ONCE A WEEK WOULDN'T
BE BAD ENOUGH! IT’S AN
INNOVATION IN FAMILY
ENTERTAINMENT—IF YOU
HAPPEN TO BE A MEMBER
OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S
FAMILY! ACTUALLY, IT’S (UNLESS SOMEBODY DECIDES TO
A PRIME-TIME SOAP OPERA ENFORCE THE TELEVISION CODE!)

—ONLY SOMEBODY FORGOT

TO USE THE SOAP—MAINLY
ON THE WRITER'S MINDS! .
EACH EPISODE BEGINS WITH
THE NARRATOR SAYING. . .
UL SHOW BASED ON THE FIRST TEN EPISODES. AFTER
EDITOR'S NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS MAD'S VERSION OF THIS: DELIGHTF STARTED GOING OUT TO THE MOVIES AGAIN
QUIT. IN FACT, WE GAVE UP
WATCHING THEM, WE GOOD, TELEVISION ENTIRELY, AND
CARPETBAGGERS” AND “YOUNGELOOD HAWKE”.
Reece ne raub SEE CLEAN, HEALTHY ENTERTAINME NT LIKE “THE

_—zZMU®_SS\_ WH ze
Hello! I'm Matt Swine, publisher of the Passion Place newspaper! Here
in our quiet New England town, we have all kinds of people . . . young
and old, rich and poor, happy and sad, Republican and Democrat! And J
they all live here together because they have one thing in commot

Here in Passion Place, cl] | Let's look in | Rodney, how 5 I'll bet ‘
we don’t tear down the past— ] ‘on two of come you're jou say afraid | was
we respect it! In fact, we i || Passion Place’s always riding that to ifferent! I’d hat
| don’t know!
revere it, and yearn to return more promising |] around in your all the
| never tried! girls!
to the good old days... t | delinquents... convertible? Kiss me, Betty!
Se ec || Rodney Hairbrain Don't you | love you!
Mainly, the good old days of |" ever walk?
Sodom and Gomorrah!
 Rodney, stop it! Passion ‘Aw, Betty— | Now let's Hello, Constance Although
Place is full of snoopy you're too [-< =p meet Constance McFrenzie. How's we've been
gossips who pry into other >)| sensitive! McFrenzie. She's | your daughter, friends for
people's business! There's oe ’ the town “widow” }ajlison McFrenzie? 20 years, = |ES
no privacy—not even here! who doesn’t trust we folks in =
men and doesn’t A soap operas
(GO (i want anything to || Hi, Matt Swine. always refer
do with them! My daughter, to each other |__
That's her in the |{Allison McFrenzie | by both names! [==
tight, sexy skirt! {8 fine!
Ax Ades Book
THe

f SS EIGALLERY
ea y BY <
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LE
Hmmm—“Tropic of Ohh? Connie, don't you
Cancer”, “Fanny Hill”, Tut-tut, Connie! Remember, |”
[1 don't want ||And | 1 don’t think Allison is this is a family show—and
“Frank Harris"! Why are] that kind why | have a old enough to be you neverto | we at ABC have turned
you throwing all these of book not? | “Kids? told the terrible mention that! over a new leaf this year.
books out, Connie? in my store! Trade’! secret about her | get violent No violence! Just raw sex!!
whenever you do! Io

Mommy, ! I had to send my What do you know about life? Oh, mother, stop treating me
Mommy—Can can’t! Barbie Doll away! You're sheltered and innocent! like a child! I've never had
| go out Absolutely My Ken Doll got her You couldn't handle a playboy {|a date! I've never stayed up
with Rodney | not! You're into trouble! like Rodney. He's been making past 9P.M. And I’ve never
{| Hairbrain?’ | just a child! » why | Remember, this is out since he was 6 years old. ever even been in Juvenile
i Go playive not? Passion Place! Why, he’s played “Doctor” with {| Court! Do you know what
E) your dolls! so many girls, they made him an that can do to a girl's
honorary member of the A.M.A.!

Va
 Now let's chat with S| You mean | mean there rhe NCR, No, | mean
Passion Place’s new | know I'm there were were no patients! is where We |] You mean those who
| Doctor, Michael Rusty. going to like it no New Yorkers are put people |! those who don't!
| ‘He replaced old Doc here! My practice challenges? strange and cold! who offend || do naughty
Bricks, who died of in New York wasn’t They resent all the town’s things?
an overdose of his rewarding enough! incompetents! strict
moral code!
own advice!

We were |! It's no use I'm worried Incidentally, I'm a newspaper

necking! trying to about Betty | | you think Matt... just publisher, doctor,
Don’t worry. Here
| swear ||protect me! || Anacin, Matt. | in Passion Place, i will what do you But | haven't put |
we were ||They caught || She came to do for a living? out an edition in
when things look
necking! us red- see me after
blackest for
Betty You seem to be 20 years. Who
handed she broke up Anacin? probably | standing around needs a news-
y ... playing | with Rodney people, some
fortunate coinci-
get hit all the time. paper in a town
where everybody
“Scrabble”! || Hairbrain. dence always
bya
She has a truck! already knows
saves them. everyone else’s
bu: siness??

~Se ee BL !
Here is Leslie Hairbrain'’s Leslie Hairbrain, 6 It's time for Dad!! And | thought when Kid, | DO ill
j office. His secretary is is itt! 1 can’t Why my coffee break! you say you have things mean ili
| Julie Anacin. Being in a go on like this! not? to do at the office, you business!
4] small town can stifle some mean ‘business’! Monkey
4 people... but not Leslie business!
{| and Julie. They both have
outside interests . . .
pit
h[ y Munreraw
1oa ENTERPRISES
W
| Hy
 Gee, Dad, | always thought
you were a real family man—
Yes, now | know, Hello, Leslie Pretty good, This is when
And now |! and | don’t have Hairbrain. How Matt Swine!
a dedicated father—a loyal you know |]to be ashamed of This graph
| cornered
husband—and a moral person. are things at Julie in the
the truth! | you any more! | the office? will show stockroom... |
always knew you you... ae
wouldn't fail me!
= Se mee Fy
ae re
A ae|} T ate.
ae,
VEU oy
“Ff L \
= ae N
(ah
i

Se easy: | ea Sa Hi jsp
This is when This is when the And here's when Well, that No, thanks, Leslie.
Julie's husband other employees my wife came in takes care of | just dropped in
came in while | went to lunch, while | was yesterday's to show our viewers
was chasing her

Teed 55
leaving Julie chasing Julie chart! Want to what the main
around my desk... and me alone... — around her = see today’s industry was here
husband... chart... ?
—— in Passion Place!

|
tt

N
om

= =
se F my cuyas pues
Let's watch Rodney | But, Rodney, } That's just You're not
call on Allison to Rodney! Rodney is
how could it! | love the kind of
invite her to the you love me? | you because
Allison!! showing me
girl who What are how much
Annual Village You're such you're so would let a you doing?
Party. Each year, a swinger, pure and i boy do
we proclaim Decem- | and I'm so innocent! *
ber 24th a legal naive!
holiday in Passion
Place to celebrate
Ava Gardner's
birthday!
By the way, Rodney—how can you iPoor kid!
1 rh "re in love with | e
Betty? Or1Aeyour father who's All'you jill WHO'S WITH WHO THIS WEEK IN “PASSION PLACE”
in love with Betty? No, he has a ‘
crishonimy methar-er No, 9 LESLIE CATHERINE GEORGE JULIE. CONSTANCE DOCTOR MATT.-—_LAURA
that's Dr. Rusty who has a crush : WAIRBRAIN HAIRBRAIN ANACIN. ANACIN MCFRENZIE RUSTY SWINE BRICKS
‘on my mother! But she loves Matt i (wild) {Rich ealous) (Warm), (Gold) (Steady) (Steadier) (Hungry)
‘Swine ... who's really in love ||
with your father—Oh, I’ | |
terribly mixed uj RODNEY MAYBE ALLISON warcH
HAIRBRAIN NEXT D _wesnenae our,
(Wi & Rich) SEASON = fair & mie) oc!

TROUBLE mae ||

NORMAN KEEP YOUR SHH! THE PASSION THIS SPACE

HAIRBRAIN _____«EYEON BIG PLACE NEWS — FOR RENT
(Kid Brother) THESE TWO ‘SECRET! RAGGAZETTE CHEAP

= @ wl
"i just get my Well, whaddya know! # Oh, don’t mind him,
of this lousy But Las Vegas has wild coat and... HEY! Another scandal for } Rodney! We always
town! I'm going |women, all-night parties, ae | Passion Placel! himin the
hide
to Las Vegas! gambling and sin! Why I! | There's a man hiding closet! That's just
would you go there? i here in your closet! my FATHER!

L_I

<r Sa heer ar pare "

Your father!! But That's what we But when we moved here to Passion Boy, that You think | want
| thought. . . well, | wanted everyone to | Place and mother opened the book tears it, | my reputation here
the rumors about believe! Actually, | store and saw what was going on in Allisont in Passion Place
you being... well, || my mother and | this town, we hid Daddy and started { can't But— || to be ruined?! Me— ==
you know! We all father have been | those ugly rumors—mainly because ever see why going with a normal
thought you didn't || married and very | we wanted to be accepted! After all, you again! rot, girl—from a normal
have a father!! |) much in love for | who in this town would patronize Rodney? || family!? BO
twenty years! a store run by a happily married . 7 - 7
couple with a normal daughter?! FAW! y | re

4 a5 2
a i)
 BiomeVi
Believe fyOreVilts,
pa GIRGENIG oer
w~_ HAS NEVER ONCE SAID
“HOT ENOUGH
FOR YOU ?”
To ANY OF HIS PASSENGERS!

BA OS
;
Fr us HOWEVER, USED EVERY
"COLD WEATHER'" CLICHE /!
Meatrly because his elevator
(sin REYKJAVIC, (ceLAND

(HERNS\ SENNETY CERF

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF,

Y 18 Wor FUNNY f7
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> ONCE SEATED A COUPLE Is likely to be dropped!
AT RINGSIDE
WITHOUT HOLDING H/S
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HAND OUT FOR MONEY // A CAULIFL OWER
IN THE SHAPE OF A

BASS FIDDLE
Was grown by

THE COUPLE WERE His /2A/Q/NISLY AND SHE NEVER ONCE

HOWEVER, HE WAS OVERHEARD TELLING THEM, TRIED TO SELL THE STORY
"You DONT HAVE 70. PAY ME NOU, YOU CAN OWE MES“
72 BELIEVE IT ORWor!"
Nothing to see here!

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oe

Oafgee

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THIS COULD YET

NA
FOLD PAGE IN LIKE THIS

THE FOHAT NOT

EVEN RRE PRINT
A> <4 B FOLD BACK SO “A” MEETS “B"
_ THE LITTLE WOODEN PUPPET