Have you ever felt love at first sight?

We often use the term when we like someone for the first
time. Feeling first love is very beautiful, isn't it? Almost everyone has experienced it. I also
experience it. More precisely…. are experiencing it.

She is there. Seated pensively waiting for the rain to subside. Don’t care about the white shoes
that have been slightly wet and dirty due to splashes of rain. In her lap was a book that was quite
thick. But, her gaze was pointing at the cloudy sky which was still raining. She hasn't changed at
all. If she likes something, she won't care about his surroundings. Like during my first meeting
with her a few years ago.

Flash back

Tired, that's what I'm feeling right now. The lessons at my school today drained my mind too. I
feel like I want to sleep right on my comfortable bed. If only I wasn't waiting for the bus, I would
have fallen asleep now. Soon, the bus I waited for arrived. I sat in my favorite place, back and
near the window. Why do I always sit by the window? Because I prefer to see the scenery
outside, even though I only see vehicles passing by. Because of being bored, I put on my
earphones and started playing songs. The first few minutes, I was still focused on the song I
heard and the view outside the window. Until a few moments, my gaze was fixed on a beautiful-
looking woman sitting just a few chairs from where I was sitting. Her face looks tired. Her gaze
was focused on staring at the window. Even though she looks tired, it doesn't reduce her beauty.
Seeing her like that, can make my fatigue evaporate somewhere and make my heart beat faster
than usual. I like to look at her like this. Maybe, this will be my new hobby.

Not felt, the bus stopped where I was going down. I also stepped out of the bus. But wait, the
woman I have been watching on the bus, now runs in front of me. And passed the same path to
my house. Is her house in one area with my house? I don't know, but I guess yes. And sure
enough! Her house is in the same area as me! Just a few blocks apart! What a beautiful fate!

I live my days as usual. I have always met this woman for several days now. I always pay
attention to her. But, I don't dare to greet her just to get acquainted. You need to know if I'm a
little quiet. I have never interacted with the other grils. Once, I tried to say "hi" but, when I was
going to say hello, I choked. My voice is gone somewhere. Maybe, this is the effect of being
nervous. And it looks like, I'll just be a "secret admirer". Keep my heart in silence.
It's been a week since I met her. I'm still a "secret admirer" and will remain like that. But today,
I don't see her. Until the next day, I still didn’t meet her. And that continues today. She lost
somewhere. Even when I passed in front of her house, there was no one. Maybe it's time for me
to stop being a "secret admirer" and forget the feelings that have grown in my heart when I see
her. But should I? My heart doesn't feel willing. Even though, I never talked to her.

Tonight, an event will be held near my house. Actually, I didn't want to attend the event, but my
friend forced me to come along. Finally I joined my friend. I went half-heartedly to the program.
Think of this as entertainment for me who is broken hearted. The program went lively. Many
teenagers display art shows. Yes ... this is enough to cheer me up. My friend invited me to buy
food, but I refused. My appetite has disappeared since when. Maybe since I didn't see her. You
fool Sean! You're heartbroken just because of a woman you don't know. Even you don't know his
name! Finally, my friend bought food and left me alone. I returned to enjoy the program until
suddenly someone was tapping me on the shoulder. I turned and found someone who smiled at
me. Oh no! This person ......, the person who made me not excited for a few days because I didn't
see her. Yes! She's the woman I met on the bus. She reached out to me. But, I didn’t immediately
return a helping hand and even daydream. After I woke up from my daydream, I quickly
responded to her hand. "Anita" she said with a smile. A beautiful name like her face. I replied to
her smile and I answered "Sean". It seems like this will be a long night.

That's how I met her. I never thought she was the first to invite me to meet. At first, I thought she
was a quiet person and had difficulty talking to strangers. Because I only found out after our
conversation that night, if she was a foreigner. Her father was transferred to work at the
headquarters of one of the largest technology companies in my country. And it turns out, my
father and her father are work colleagues. A very good coincidence right? And that's why I
became very close to her. Our families often have dinner together or vacation together. Like
now, my family and her family are on vacation at one of my uncle's villas.

Raindrops don't stop apparently. Finally, I stepped towards her then sat right next to her. Feeling
there was someone other than herself, she turned to me. Soon, her sweet smile expanded on her
tiny lips. Like there is a magnet, I will also smile to see it. Have I said if her face is very
beautiful? She is indeed not like Europeans in general. But her beauty doesn’t defeat European
women.
"Why not go inside? It's cold here"

I asked her while putting a thick jacket over her shoulder. She still smiled and then looked back
at the sky which still faithfully lowered the raindrop.

 "It's not cold here, but it's cool Sean ..." she answered, still staring at the sky.

"You are strange, if it rains other people usually go straight into a thick blanket and laze around.
But you, you are even engrossed yourself outside while reading such a thick book.

I sneered a little but she giggled amused at what I said. She didn’t answer my words, but she
again read her book which had been delayed.

I sighed, I said in my heart stubbornly. I watch her. She was sweet, her lips were small, her skin
was pure white, her black hair dangling to her shoulders, her eyes were brown. Beautiful. That
one word can define itself. Again. Will not be bored I say if she is a beautiful woman. And I will
not be bored if I continue to be with her.

I don't know since when this feeling developed for her. At first I thought this was just a sense of
awe. And it will disappear over time. But in fact, my feelings for her continue to grow and
develop. Claiming to be only mine is mine. In fact, sometimes I can’t control jealousy when
there is a man who interact with her. Selfish? Yes, I admit that, and don't make a fool of me.
Because if that happens to you, you will know how to torture it. But, of course I enjoyed it.
Enjoy the time that goes on.

I'm scared. I'm afraid that she will leave me, whens he prefers to be with her chosen person. I
was afraid she would move away and start forgetting me.

"Sean? "

I crouched to see her, which turned out to be standing before me.

"You don't want to go inside? "

I stood up and held her hand tightly. Hoping to bring warmth to her. She looked at me, smiled
sweetly and returned my hand. If she had the same feelings as me, I would be a very happy
person on this earth. But unfortunately, she only thinks of me as an older brother, nothing more.
How do I know? Before I will express my feelings to her, she first says if I am an older brother
she never had. It hurts? Of course. I lose. Before I even started, I already lost.

But it's okay as long as she stays next to me, I'm quite happy. It's enough to make me feel
happiness. But what if she chooses with someone else later?

If it can make her happy, I will do it. Whatever it is. Her smile and happiness are the most
important for me. Even though I will feel very heartbroken.

We both entered the villa because the air was getting cold. The parents were gathering in the
family room apparently. My mother smiled teasingly when Anita and I joined them. Her gaze
was directed at my hand and Anita's hand. I just replied with a shy smile. And I'm sure my
cheeks blush a little. Immediately I gave up my face so that I would not be caught red-handed by
the parents if my cheeks blushed. Especially my nosy mother.

Anita released my hand and sat between her parents. Laughing spoiled at her father. Seeing her
like that, I imagined that if I lived with her later, she would do the same to me. How nice it is. I
sighed, dreams always felt beautiful and painful at the same time.

I sat next to my mother. Participate in talking with parents. I don't know if I don't understand.
Because my mind drifted far away somewhere. There is a strange feeling that is blocking my
heart. The more I ignored, the stronger the strange feeling lodged in my heart. I asked permission
to go to sleep on the grounds that I was tired.

When I got up, my mother held my hand. I turned towards her.

"Are you alright, Sean?"

I know my mother is very worried about me. It was very visible from the look on her face which
was slightly wrinkled in the eyes.

"I'm fine mom ... I'm just tired."

I give a convincing smile. Tell my mom if I'm really fine. Immediately after getting permission
from everyone, I went straight to the room I was occupying.
In the room, I lay my body on the bed. I still feel the strange feeling that is blocking it. I tried to
sleep. But I can't. Keep trying to find the most comfortable position to sleep, but still my eyes
don't close. Suddenly, I felt pain in my left chest. I groaned in pain. But the longer, the pain can't
be held by me.

I tried to reach the bedside on the left side of the bed. Almost there, my hand will reach the end
of the nightstand a little more. But the pain that struck my chest couldn’t be tolerated anymore.
My body fell from the bed. Raising the sound of a loud bang.

My consciousness is running low. But I could still hear the rush of footsteps.

"SEAN!" That was my mother's voice.

"Hurry up! call an ambulance!"

"Sean, please hold on ..."

My mother's voice was soft and held back tears. As hard as I can, I open my eyes. I saw my
mother holding back tears. Request that I survive. But this is my limit to being able to survive.
After all this time I fought for my survival. I look Anita who was behind my mother, her face
filled with tears. The soft smile pictured on my lips made the tears falling on her cheeks increase
profusely.

I'm not strong enough to survive. Slowly my eyes closed. Welcome the darkness that comes.

"Anita, you are the first woman who can make me fall in love. I love you always. Even though I
keep my love in silence ... "- Sean.

THE END.

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