Research Paper

TEENAGE FRIENDSHIPS

Topic/Question:Have teenagers had experience pushing people away due to their

mental health?

l.Introduction:
What are friendships all about? Why is it so important to have friends?
Friendships are bonds between two or more people who want to engage
with one another. It involves having mutual interest in each other’s
thoughts, feelings and experiences. Friendships work on reciprocity of
trust, respect, emotional support and admiration."Friendships are
relationships that involve two very critical dimensions – interdependence
and voluntary participation," explains Northern Illinois University
psychologist and friendship expert in an email interview. As anyone who's
ever been in a friendship knows, it's a complex process and experience.
"True friendships are hallmarked by each member's desire to engage with
the other; it's about mutual interest in one another's experiences and
thoughts, as well as a sense of 'belongingness' and connection," she says.
"Friendships require reciprocity of admiration, respect, trust, and emotional
and instrumental support."

That's all well and good, but if a potential new friend doesn't see the same
joyous charms in you, it's unlikely that anything deep and lasting will come
of it. That said, there's no telling when and where a friendship will develop.
Often, they arise from a shared interest or hobby, and people are typically
drawn together because they're in the same stage of life, like new parents
or retirees. People of similar backgrounds and cultures also tend to come
together by bonding over shared lifelong experiences. Although most of
these relationships take time to get really deep, occasionally friendship is
more like a lightning strike. "Sometimes you can be in a big group of new
people and you catch someone's eye and it's like 'boom!' instant
friendship," Degges-White says about an experience she's termed the
"clicking phenomenon." "It's kind of like that burst of 'love at first sight,' but
it's a friendship, not romance."
What Are the Different Types of Friends?
Friendship is categorized into four types: acquaintance, friend, close friend
and best friend. Over time, an increase in mutual respect and the degree of
reciprocity builds up and strengthens friendship.Males usually bond with
one another during activities while women bond while sharing their feelings.

Why is friendship important?

Healthy relationships play a pivotal role in general happiness. People are
healthier, happier and less stressed when they have good friends to lean
onto.

How Mental Health Affects Youth?

This distance leaves you hurt and confused. You thought your relationship
was progressing nicely, until they started throwing up walls to keep you
back, that is.Or maybe you’re the one who pushes people away. You start
shutting down when a relationship starts to become serious or pull back
when friends and other loved ones approach things you’d prefer not to
share.If you catch yourself repeatedly falling into this pattern, you might
worry you’ll never build the intimacy you desire.Don’t despair, though.
Change will require some dedicated effort, but you can learn to let people
in.

ll.Extent of the problem

Like everyone, young people can have occasional mood swings, feel
irritable sometimes and be particularly sensitive to rejection and criticism.
But if these symptoms and behaviors have lasted for two weeks or more,
the young person could have depression.Depression is a mental illness,
and it is one of the most common health problems for young people in
Australia. There is no single cause of depression; life events, hormones,
chemical imbalances, and genetics can all play differing roles depending on
the individual. While each young person will have their own responses to
life events, some circumstances that can contribute to anxiety and
depression in young people.

Depression also sucks. Majorly. Among other symptoms, feelings of low

self-worth can bring your confidence crashing down. Interactions that’d
previously feel natural and easy can become overpowering and scary when
you’re in the middle of a depressive episode.As with depression itself, a
fear of intimacy can last as long as the underlying root cause persists.
Seeking advice from a mental health professional can speed up your
recovery and help you stop pushing people away.

Fear of intimacy is often our subconscious way of avoiding stress and

rejection. Because we rarely do it deliberately, it can be tricky to realize it’s
happening. Often, others will notice before you if you’re behaving
differently.Those closest to you are probably your best indicators of
whether you’re acting differently in states of heightened emotion, we’re
rarely the best judges of how we come across.

lll:Cause and Effect

It seems so counterintuitive to distance ourselves from others during the
times when we need the most support. But this is a common pattern of
behavior among those who shy away from intimacy. Research
acknowledges the human need for intimacy, but that need is wrapped up in
a fear of rejection.Opening yourself up to rejection is a pretty sizable risk.
The pain of trying and failing to make a connection with a friend, family
member, or romantic partner can be intense. Some of us are naturally more
risk-averse, so we reach out less. Others have had bad experiences in the
past which knock their confidence.Either way, it’s not that being alone
generally makes us happy. Sure, people can complicate your life, but
connecting with others is good for you, on the whole. It’s fear of rejection
that seems to drive intimacy issues, leading us to push people away.Trust
issues are pretty common among those who’ve experienced the pain of
betrayal before.lied to you, it’s understandable you might have a hard time
recovering from that betrayal.Broken trust is hard to repair, and its effects
can linger, following you from one relationship to the next. What if you
achieve the closeness you want, only to learn they’ve deceived you, too?
Trust doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s absolutely normal to need some
time before you feel able to trust someone. Still, a persistent lack of trust in
someone who has never given you cause for doubt can eventually cause
some bumps in the road.Maybe you constantly question them or check up
on them, or you simply struggle to open up emotionally — neither of which
are helpful for building a healthy relationship.You could also, of course,
have some difficulty trusting yourself. This often ties back to self-
confidence.If you made mistakes in the past, you might worry about
messing up again and hurting your current partner. Guilt and self-doubt
might leave you pushing them away to protect you both

IV.Survey
To get information about this kind of situation I created a survey about this
and got 25 respondents.Now let's talk about it!

As we can see there are

76% of 10-15, 20% of 16-
18, and 4% of 18+ that
are there age who
answered my survey.

Before I let them start

answering questions about
friendships I let them rate first their stress or anxiety to 1-10. AS we can
see 4% for 1,0% for 2, 8% for 3, 8% for 4, 4% for 5, 16% for 6, 20% for 7,
8% for 8, 24% for 9,12% for 10.
Did you experience having a problem with your friends/bestfriends? 24%
for No and 76% for yes.

Did you experience pushing

away people due to your
mental health? 48% of noand 52% of yes.

V.Possible Solutions
Self-reflection and awareness are the keys to overcoming intimacy
problems. Often, pushing people away is an unconscious process, a
defense mechanism to avoid stressful situations. When these mechanisms
are in tip-top condition, we don’t notice them. But when they malfunction,
we get problems. Today’s understanding of psychological defense
mechanisms suggests that we can get a better grip on problematic
behaviors by learning to recognize how we defend ourselves and why.
Keeping a journal of how you feel day-to-day might help you spot patterns
and emotional triggers.From there, you can start replacing problematic
habits with positive ones. Letting people into your life is a gradual process,
but you can do things to make it a smoother one.Start small for example,
next time you get an Insta DM from a friend you keep ignoring, send a short
message back instead of leaving it on unread. This way you can learn to
redevelop trust in others.While recognizing your tendency to push people
away marks a key first step toward change, it’s just that a step.Learning to
let people in will take time and practice, but these strategies can help.Some
people are naturally more outgoing than others. You might be perfectly
happy keeping a small circle of close friends to confide in (which certainly
makes the holidays cheaper). But more extroverted peeps might see it as
more of a problem to solve.If you’re going to make a conscious effort to
change your behavior and open up to more people, do it for you. If you’re
losing touch with close friends or partners, people you value in your life,
then you might want to explore options to fix that.But don’t feel the pressure
to become a social butterfly if that’s simply not who you are.Forcing
yourself to maintain more relationships than you can cope with risks
unnecessary stress. If you feel there’s a problem that needs correcting, you
can look at taking steady, positive steps.Effective, honest communication
indicates a healthy relationship. It can also be scary if you’ve fallen into a
pattern of shunning communication. If past trauma is your reason for doing
this, opening up can feel like a massive step. Don’t worry, though. As with
the previous step, slow and steady is best.Think critically about how much
you need to open up to sustain a relationship. You might not need to give
your life story and all the reasons you have problems with intimacy right
away. In fact, that might overload the other person if they didn’t know it was
coming.
VI.Conclusion
If you really want to forge more connections with more people, there’s the
temptation to rush things. That’s doubly true if you used to be naturally
outgoing and you want to get back to the way things were. But it’s rarely
the most sustainable method.Studies show that showering people with
affection in the early stages of a relationship, sometimes called love
bombing, isn’t a healthy sign. It indicates low self-esteem and a degree of
social anxiety.Instead, take things slowly. Give both yourself and the other
person time and space to breathe. Rather than focusing on your plans or
goals for the relationship, try to notice what’s happening in the moment.

If you’ve decided to overcome intimacy issues and stop pushing people

away, bear in mind that it doesn’t happen overnight. Respect your own
boundaries and those of others.Don’t open yourself up to too many people
at once. You need space to process interactions and spot those positive
patterns emerging. That’s tough to do when you’re rekindling ties with
dozens of people.Likewise, don’t place unrealistic expectations on others.
What you’re trying to achieve isn’t a one-way street. Depending on your
reasons for pushing people away in the first place, you might ask too much
from those close to you or feel like too much is expected of you.Instead, try
to establish a fair partnership. Show interest in someone’s day without
prying into all the details. Share your emotions while also being sensitive to
theirs. Because you’re avoiding doing this with too many people at once,
you can take your time and get a sense of what’s appropriate.The way
we’ve evolved means that interdependence is a big factor in the reasons
we choose friends and partners. You might shy away from intimacy
because you’ve gotten a bad deal in the past from those who abuse your
contributions.Reestablishing a healthy sense of give and take, along with
clear boundaries, can be a massive help in building trust in others.

Tips And Advice if Someone is pushing you away:

Has someone started pushing you away recently, and you don’t know why?
Don’t let the situation fester. It’s best to have a direct conversation. They
might not be aware that their behavior has changed or know how that
change affects you.

Offer support. If something is happening in other areas of their life, ask how
you can help them. This means they don’t have to go it alone.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If your partner fears rejection,
overcommitting to solutions risks setting yourself up to fail.
Be patient. Your loved one might not want to open up at first, or they may
still be struggling to articulate how they feel.

We’ve all got the right to decide how many people we want in our lives. We
get to choose how close we want to be to them in order to feel satisfied.
But whether you’re a happy hermit or the life and soul of the party, pushing
away the people you love can be a sign of deeper problems.

If you think you’re showing signs of pushing people away as a defense

mechanism, think carefully. Is it a way to cope with past experiences? Is it
a warning sign of depression? Take time to focus on yourself and your
feelings to determine the real issues.Overcoming a fear of intimacy might
be as straightforward as having a few difficult conversations. It could
involve a longer journey. Either way, honest self-reflection is the first step
toward deeper, more meaningful connections.

Reference:
Introduction:
https://people.howstuffworks.com/what-is-friendship.htm
ll:https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/Depression-in-
young-people https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/pushing-people-
away#how-to-stop
lll-v::https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/pushing-people-away#causes