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Isabelle Marshall

Professor Adrienne Cassel

English 1201

18 November 2021

Literature Review

As humans we crave intimacy in life. We are expected from birth to one

day grow older and find someone to marry and settle down with. That thought

has been drilled into our minds for years, but sometimes getting into relationships

can cause more harm than bring any love to you. Sometimes you can't reach out

because of past experiences that ruined the idea of love and closeness to you

because of that you lose friendships and potential partners due to these bad

experiences. Think of these questions; Do past experiences in relationships

affect your future relationships and how do you communicate effectively about

this without sabotaging your relationships or hurting the people in your life?

In the past relationships were never about love. Women would meet with

several men, with her parents present, to pick the most suitable match for

marriage, which heavily relied on factors such as financial and social status. In

many previous years, love was not seen as the central importance to a marriage,
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and if it was to come it would emerge after the wedding had already occurred so

it wasn't about love it was about money and social status. Of course neither

partner was allowed to talk about their issues mentally or happening. They were

made to shut up and look like they were happy in their situation. Since there was

no love in a relationship like this, this is the type of relationship that would cause

a trauma upon someone to shut down and no longer try to express themselves

because they were stuck in this situation. In this age it was taboo anyways to

express yourself in any way, so talking about your feelings or what is bothering

you at the time is already just not happening and not normal at all.

Trauma has a major impact on the mental health and wellbeing of people

globally. Friends, family and members of the public are often well positioned to

provide initial assistance if someone is experiencing extreme distress following a

potentially traumatic event. In Offering mental health first aid to a person after a

potentially traumatic event It says “The Delphi consensus method was used to

determine which helping statements should be included in the guidelines.

Helping statements were derived from a systematic search of literature that

considered how a member of the public could help someone experiencing

extreme distress following a potentially traumatic event. The additional guidance

on providing initial assistance, talking about the trauma, offering short-term

assistance and seeking appropriate professional help reflects current

knowledge.” A notable addition is the inclusion of content on how someone can

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assist after a disclosure of abuse. Active listening that seeks to understand

someone rather than preparing to respond while the other person is talking is key

to rebuilding trust, and should be done shortly after your infraction. If you hurt

your partner, ask what your partner thinks happened and why it hurt. Empathize

with aspects you couldn't see from your vantage point. Apologize for what your

partner perceived as the harm. During these conversations, you must focus your

full attention and time on listening and, without interrupting, asking questions to

accurately perceive your partner's feelings and thoughts.

Trust is fundamental to relationships, trying to restore the feeling once it's

lost might seem impossible. It is often defined, sort of abstractly, as a willingness

to be vulnerable to another or to an institution, or we treat it more as a

characteristic of a relationship. Potential traumatic events are powerful and

distressing experiences that are usually life-threatening or pose a significant

threat to a person's physical or psychological well being. When you violate

someone's trust in you, the person might have trouble believing in your

subsequent good intentions or genuineness. In romantic relationships, distrust

can harm the emotional and physical connections between partners. Rebuilding

trust between people can be a long road. It's probably one of the hardest things

that most people have to experience, because it's very time-consuming, there's

been people stuck in this mindset that need to put in the real work. Oftentimes

they may or may not need professional help, depending on the scenario, to get to
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that goal. Early assistance or support from family or friends, as well as

professional treatment, may help to prevent the onset of mental illness or may

minimise the severity of mental illness should it develop many people do not

receive treatment, family and friends can play a role in recognising the symptoms

of mental illness, providing support and, if needed, encouraging appropriate

professional help. The mental health first aid guidelines for trauma have been

redeveloped to include expert recommendations on the most current and

appropriate helping actions. In How to rebuild trust in your relationships it says

“An increased level of detail compared to the previous version of the guidelines,

giving more guidance in providing initial assistance, talking about the trauma,

assisting after a disclosure of abuse, offering short-term assistance, seeking

appropriate professional help, supporting adolescents, as well as important

background information about trauma.” This helps continue a relationship and

understand.

Some individuals are no longer entering romantic relationships, others move

through relationships too quickly searching for "the one" and making quick

assessments of their romantic partners, while others stay in their relationships

but "check out" or do not work on their issues. Some sabotage by not entering

relationships. This is due to a belief that they are not worthy or that the

relationship is not going to work. Others are stuck in a cycle of successfully

initiating a relationship, yet being unable to maintain long-term engagements,

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and embarking on a path that appears to be a destined break-up. In this case,

individuals are moving through relationships too quickly searching for "the one"

and making quick assessments of their romantic partners. While others sabotage

by staying in their relationships long-term, despite being unsatisfied or unhappy.

In this case, individuals have "checked out", or have lost hope, and are no longer

working on their issues, hurting their chances of relationships. One common

theme to explain motivation amongst all these cases is fear. Participants in the

Peel and Caltabiano study shared their heartbreak stories and explained how

fear of being hurt again, fear of rejection, or fear of abandonment prevent them

from trying new relationships. Fear was also mentioned as a motive for why

individuals avoid committing to relationships. Additionally, participants explained

they avoid working on their relationships due to poor self-esteem or self-concept

and loss of hope. Defensiveness, trust difficulty, and lack of relationship skills

were the most salient themes contributing to relationship sabotage.

Defensiveness is a self-protection strategy used as a counterattack when feeling

victimised against a perceived attack. Trust difficulty is often a result of past

experiences of betrayal. This theme included being unable to trust romantic

partners and feeling overly jealous. Lack of relationship skills refers to

participants' inability to understand or have insight into the dynamics involved in a

coupled relationship.
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Good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an

essential part of any healthy partnership. All relationships have ups and downs,

but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and

build a stronger and healthier partnership. It takes two people to have a

relationship and each person has different communication needs and styles.

Couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their relationship.

Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work. Listening is a very

important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their

partner to talk openly and honestly. Building companionship by sharing

experiences, interests and concerns with your partner, and showing affection and

appreciation sharing intimacy, Intimacy is created by having moments of feeling

close and attached to your partner. It means being able to comfort and be

comforted, and to be open and honest with each other after a toxic relationship.

This openness and care for your partner is one of the most important parts of a

relationship. If you can’t seem to improve the communication in your relationship,

consider talking with a relationship counsellor. Counsellors are trained to

recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems

and to help change those patterns, as well as providing strategies, tips and a

safe place to explore issues.

All the sources that have been discussed and analyzed came from the

articles that are represented. These articles were set on helping accept love and
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trust in life. They were made for the people with these issues or the people they

love to understand what and why these people do what they do. Most were from

opposing viewpoints and were academic journals based upon mental health

struggles in relationships and trust after traumatic experience with someone you

loved. A lot of these were made for the friends and families of the certain

individuals like this that do these things as an escape or a way to not get hurt and

to understand why they do this. All of these articles connect with each other

through love and trust and the question of; Do past experiences in relationships

affect your future relationships and how do you communicate effectively about

this without sabotaging your relationships or hurting the people in your life?

Most misconceptions would be that it's their fault that they don't

communicate when people go through traumatic events that cause them to shut

down or not trust. There's also so many mental illnesses or illnesses in general

that cause you to separate from the people around you. In the article Offering

mental health first aid to a person after a potentially traumatic event “In 2015, it

was estimated that in the past year, 3.6% of the global population experienced

an anxiety disorder and 4.4% of the global population experienced a depressive

disorder. Anxiety disorders were ranked as the sixth largest contributor to non-

fatal health burden and depressive disorders ranked as the largest contributor. In

2010, mental and substance use disorders accounted for 183.9 million disability-

adjusted life- years or 7.4% of all DALYs globally. Significant treatment gaps for
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mental disorders have been described worldwide with professional treatment

only received by a minority of those who need it.” This shows the statistics and

facts of these illnesses that cause this to happen. Sometimes the person who

won't communicate doesn't have trauma that makes them do this the illness

does. It also says “When you violate someone's trust in you, the person might

have trouble believing in your subsequent good intentions or genuineness. In

romantic relationships, distrust can harm the emotional and physical connections

between partners, said Kiaundra Jackson, a licensed marriage and family

therapist, private practitioner and television personality. And in the workplace,

one of the greatest costs of broken trust is the loss of rapport due to negative

emotions and therefore avoiding each other, which prevents resolving the

distrust.” With partners you can lose trust in each other due to a number of

things but with this you have to learn how to trust your partner again and learn

how to communicate through it all.

There are easy steps to help your communication with your partners and

friendships. You must do things like Ask Open-Ended Questions, Pick Up on

Nonverbal Cues, Don't Try to Read Their Mind, Conversations are a Two-Way

Street, Set Aside Time to Talk and Tell Them What You Need From Them in

order to have good communication with the people around you. The reason

people do this is due to not being able to process your feelings and what's

happening in your life. As it’s been stated before “If you're on the receiving end of
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someone's gestures to rebuild trust, be receptive by considering that person's

perspective, Williams said in rebuilding trust. If applicable, perceive the person as

someone who has made mistakes, not a perpetrator whose only intention is

harm. You, too, likely have made bad or inconsiderate choices at some point.

Recognizing this can help you work together. Rebuilding trust can be a long road.

It's probably one of the hardest things that most people have to experience,

because it's very time-consuming, Jackson said. I've seen people stick in there,

put in the real work. Oftentimes they may or may not need professional help,

depending on the scenario, to get to that goal. But once it gets to that place, I

often feel like those relationships are stronger than they were before.” Trust is

truly one of the hardest things to earn or keep. It's easily broken and it's one of

the hardest things to earn back. Some people trust so easily and others can’t due

to a number of reasons that's been discussed. it just depends on the person and

their circumstances
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Work Cited
Peel, Raquel, and Nerina Caltabiano. "The relationship sabotage scale: an
evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity." BMC Psychology, vol. 9,
no. 1, 19 Sept. 2021, p. NA. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,
link.gale.com/apps/doc/A678028682/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-
OVIC&xid=2fc077df. Accessed 13 Nov. 2021.

Chalmers, Kathryn J., et al. "Offering mental health first aid to a person after a
potentially traumatic event: a Delphi study to redevelop the 2008 guidelines."
BMC Psychology, vol. 8, no. 1, 6 Oct. 2020, p. NA. Gale In Context: Opposing
Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A637885317/OVIC?
u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=612a177a. Accessed 17 Nov. 2021.

"How to rebuild trust in your relationships." CNN Wire, 5 Oct. 2021, p. NA. Gale
In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A677964032/OVIC?
u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=8583c3a5. Accessed 13 Nov. 2021.

“ Relationships and communication” Better Health.gov

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-
communication
Accessed 13 Nov. 2021.

“The 10 most common problems people have in relationships – and how to solve
them” inews.co.uk
https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/wellbeing/10-common-problems-people-
relationships-solve-125001
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Accessed 13 Nov. 2021.