What does your profession say about you? 1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid.

You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life. 3. TECHNOLOGY - Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth. 4. ENGINEERING - One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome." 5. ACCOUNTING - The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. 6. HUMAN RESOURCES - Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter. 7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT - Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single ,decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager." 8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT - (See above - Same sign, different title) 9. CUSTOMER SERVICE - Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT - Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action. 11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" - As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market. 12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO - You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter. 13. GOVERNMENT WORKER - Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job... Thus the term "GO POSTAL"

Ways to turn down a lines by manHE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE : Your face must turn a few heads. SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy. SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

Facebook wants to know - " what's on ur mind....?" Twitter wants to know- "what's happening ....?" Foursquare wants to know- "whr r u ... ?" Orkut - "say something ... DAMNNN ! The internet is turning into a WIFE!

Man in bar: 1 large VODKA please. Barman: Rs.5, Sir Man: What? Only 5? Can I have some kebabs pls ? Barman: Here Sir, Rs.5 Man: Wow, thats real cheap, Can I meet the owner? Barman: no sir, he is busy with my GF. Man: what is he doing with ur GF? Barman: the same that I am doing 2 his business here

I told my maa-papa that i want a blackberry or apple They RepliedBhutte ka season hai beta, bhutte khao

To all my sweet sindhis... Sindhi Films - New Releases: 1.Hum Aapke Hain Kaun - Asaan Tavaanja Ker Lagun. 2.Deewar - Bhitth.

3.Aa Gale Lag Ja - Achch Bhaaki Pai. 4.Slumdog Millionaire - Jhopdiawaro Shahukar Kutto. 5.Phir Wohi Dil Laya Hoon - Wari Saagi Dil Khani Aayo Ayan. 6.Dil Diya Dard Liya - Dil Dinaeen Soor Vartaeen 7. Hangover - Matthe jo soor 8. Hangover 2 - Byo Mathe jo soor

Very Nice proposal ever: Boy: Aren't your legs paining.. Girl: NO. . . Y r u asking..? Boy: U have been running in my mind 4 a long time

A boy on a DATE in a BMW.. Boy: I hid sumthng frm u Girl: What? Boy: I am already MARRIED n have a CHILD .. Girl: U scared me!! I thought the BMW is not yours!

If movies were made in pubs:1. sita aur margarita 2. corona pyar hai 3, soda akbar 4. Rab ne pila di thodi ... 5. rum whiskey se kam nahi, 6, rum de basanti 7. Hum tight ho chuke sanam

8. passed out at lokhandwala 9. Jo pilaye wahi bartender 10. rum maaro rum 11. Beer zaara 12. Bev-D 13. Bevde zameen par 14. My name is sharabi &i am not a Bevda........:p

Attitude of Girls:. when a boy sends a nonveg SMS, Laughs for 10 mins, Reads it 20 times, Frwds 2 al hr frnds. Den rplies 2 d boy I dnt lik dis type of sms

In US aftr it rains d watr disaprs in 5min..in india roads diapr in 5min

Nurse jhuk kar Sardar ki aankh me eye drops dal rahi thi...Nurse: Ab kaisa dikh raha he..Sardar: Badiya, lekin agar 1 aur button khol do to aur saaf dikhega.

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".. And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"! And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... "COMPLETELY FINISHED"

An Illiterate Father with his educated son went on a camping trip,they setup their tent & fell asleep. Sum hours later,Father wakes his Son & asks: Look up & tell me wat u see?

Son: I see milions of stars. Father: & wat does that tell u? Son: Astronomicaly,it tells that there r milions of galaxies & planets.. Father slaps the son hard and says: Idiot, sum1 has stolen our tent! MORAL: Education ruins your common sense

There are basicaly 7 TYPES OF GIRLS1.HARD DISK Girls: Remember everything 4ever 2. RAM girls: Forgets about you the moment she turns her back. . 3. SCREENSAVER girls: just for looking 4. INTERNET girls: Difficult to access 5. SERVER girls: Always busy when needed 6. MULTIMEDIA girls: Make horrible things look beautiful 7.VIRUS girls: These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'..Once enters ur system never leave even if formatted.

Japanese Proverb If One Can Do,You Too Can Do. If No One Can Do, You Must Do. Indian VersionIf One Can Do, Let Him Do If No one can Do ,Why should i Do?

DIFFERENT VARIETIES OF MUMMY

AALSI MUMMY "How many times do I have to tell u the same thing" .DHAMKANE WALI MUMMY "Let your father come.. I will tell him what ur upto!!" ITIHAS PASAND MUMMY "Wen I was ur age I took over all the responsibilities!!" BHAVISHYA BATANE WALI MUMMY "I knew it.. You will break it/lose it!!" CONFUSED MUMMY "Am I a human being or a machine????" SELFISH MUMMY "I'd sent lunch for you or for your frnds??" SHAKI MUMMY "Full marks!!!! I'm sure u must have cheated!!!" HUMARI MUMMY "Are u going to get out of this blackberry or should I jus throw it

4 frnds at party. Aftr drinks, 1of d men hd 2 use d rest room. remainin talkd bout der kids. 1 man:My son startd workin at company. now he's the prsdent of company. He bcam so rich tht he gave hs bst frnd Mercedes for his brthday. 2 man: My son startd wrkin in big airline, den bcam partnr in d company, He's so rich he gave hs bst frnd brand new jet for his brthday. 3 man: My son became an enginr. and is now a milionr. He gav bst frnd 30,000 squar fit mansion. just as the 4th man returnd frm d restrum n askd: "Wot discusion goin? 1 of them said: V wer talkin success of our sons. Wot bout your son?

4 man: My son is gay and makes livin dancin as a stripr at a nytclub. 3 friends: What a shame..! 4 man :No, I'm not ashamd. He's my son n I love him. n he hasn't done too bad either. His brthday ws 2 weeks ago, n He recvd btiful 30,000 squar ft mansion, brand new jet n Mercedes frm his 3 boyfrnds

Lalu yadav bus stop pr khada tha, rakhi sawant waha se ja rahi thi wo boli, "dhoop me kyo khada hai"? Lalu bola,"sasuri dhoti ke andar b dhek leti he"

A fat man saw "lose 5kg in a week" in newspaper.He calls the company & a lady says be ready tmrw at 6am. The next morning he opens the door & finds a hot babe with just shoes,undergarmnts & shirt saying "u catch me u fuck me!" & the girl starts running.He starts running but doesnt catch her.During the whole week he tried to catch her but couldn't. Howevr he loses 5 kg. He then asks for the 10kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door and sees.... an even hottter babe in shoes,thong & a shirt sayin "u catch me u fuck me" He loses 10 kg dat week. So he thought this program is awesome! Lets try the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the lady said "R u sure? its really tough." he said "YES!" Nxt day at 6 he opens the door expecting to see a faboulus babe. But he finds a negro gay in just underwear saying "If i catch u, I will fuck u!"...

Mythology says Sati Savitri fought Yamraaj & got her husband back.. Moral of d Story.. No1 can save u from ur Wife. Not Even 'YAMRAAJ'

"Sometimes I look at some people and wonder , "Really?? Was this the sperm that won?.."

Height of technology: A student writes all answers as ||||||||| & at last he writes "ANSWERS R WRITTEN IN BAR CODING FORMAT TO PROTECT FROM BEING COPIED"

Generation gap: Son-dad,if u saw a 100rs note and a 500rs note on d floor, which will u tak? Dad-500 of course! Son-thats so stupid dad why cant u take both?

2 investment bankers were getting married. During wedding, wife vomits.. Husband- what happened? Wife says- Capital gains arising out of previous merger.

A Boy : Ek bar meri girl Frnd ne mujhe apne ghar bulaya, Main ghar paucha or bell bajai, Uski choti sister ne darwaza khola ,wo bahut sundar thi Muskura k boli aap bahut smart ho abhi ghar par koi nhi hai. Mai akeli hu, Mai Muskraya or apni Bike ki taraf wapas jane laga to uski puri family ghar se bahar aa gai or meri Sharafat ki tarif karte hue mujhe gale lagaya Or kaha hum ko Rishta manzur hai Ab mai kya Batau Ki Main to Bike ko Lock krne gya tha

YE EK TRUE incident hai:isko plz forword kijiye, taaki INDIA me aur KISI LADKI K SATH aisa naa ho........

be strong befor reading, date 1 july"2011" jise soch k insaan ki rooh tak kaap jati hai...... magar zalimo k haath na kaape, jaipur me 3 saal ki masoom bachhi jo abhi theek se bol bhi nahi sakti thi, aur jo din usk khelne kudne k the ,uske sage baap Aur kamine bhai ne milkar us masoom ko zabardasti "SCHOOL" bhej diya At party, some1 yelled: All married guys plz stand next to d person who made ur life worth living. The bartender was almost crushed to death

Teacher:To keep ur character good,think of every girl as ur sister Boy:But Madame, thinking of every girl as my sister will make my father's character seem bad na

Apka Kut'ta to Sher jesa dikta h,kya khilate ho? :Ye kamina Sher hi h,sala pyaar vyar k chakkar me pad gya,shakal Kut'te jesi ho gyi hai

"11LOVE Tips For Happy Married Life: 1. Air-Condition Ur Room Properly, 2. Spray Romantic Perfume, 3. Avoid Noises, 4. Use Quality Condoms, 5. Start Slowly With Gentle Kisses, 6. Always Prefer Wet LOVE to Reduce Pain, 7. Have LOVE For At Least Two Hours,

8. Fresh Up Ur Mouth Before Lip Kissing, 9. Switch On Some Romantic Music, 10. Have LOVE Regularly For Healthy Living, And 11 Then Return Home On Time Nahi to biwi Faad degi

Brilliant Answers for which student got 0% :Q- In which battle did Tipu Sultan die? Ans- His last battle ! Q- Hw do u stop acid indigestion? A- Stop drinking acid ! Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed? A- At the bottom of the page ! Q-What's the main reason for Divorce? A- Marriage ! Q- What's the main reason for getting Compartments? A- Exams ! Q- Ganga flows in which state? A- Liquid state ! Q: When was Mahatma Gandhi born? A: On his birthday ! Q: How will u distribute 8 mangoes amongst 6 people? A: By preparing mango shake..

Four worms were put into Four separate jars. The 1st worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The 2nd worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The 3rd worm was put into a jar of sperm. The 4th worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results: 1st worm in alcohol - dead; 2nd worm in cigarette smoke -dead; 3rd worm in sperm - dead; 4th worm in soil - alive. The Science teacher asked the class, "What did you learn from this experiment?" Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have WORMS

A little girl asked her mom how did the human beings appear? She said god made adam & eve &they had children & so mankind was made.. Later she asked her dad the same thing & he said the humans evolved from monkeys.. Girl got confused & asked her mom why both their answers differed? Mom answered Its simple dear! "I told you about my side of the family & your dad told you about his side".

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)". The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence." "Done!" Replies the official.

When u hear sounds like aah oh uhh between 9pm and 3.30am its SEX.... & when u hear sounds like aah oh uhh between 9am and 3.30pm its SENSEX...!

A 70 year old man ask is wife " Do u feel sad when u see me running after young gurls ? Wife replied " not at all . Even dogs chase cars they can't drive

BSE = Bombay Se Exit NSE = Nation Se Exit F/O = Future Over NIFTY = No Income For This Year FII = Fraudulent International Investor PE = Plunge Endless EBITDA = Exit Before It Tumbule Down Again

HNI = Has No Idea PMS = Pre-Meditated Scam SIP= Suicide by Investing Patiently CORRECTION = The Next Day After You Bought Shares MOMENTUM BUYING = The Fine Art Of Buying High And Selling Low VALUE BUYING = The Fine Art Of Buying Low And Selling Even Low!

Son to his dad: Papa class main ek ladka mujhe gay bol kar chidhata hai.. Papa:tumne use maara kyun nahi? Son: I can't papa....HE IS SO SEXY.

One night A Boy helped an unknown aunty to reach her home. Aunty :Beta, raat bahut ho gayi hai, yahin so jao, Bittu ke room me. Boy :Nahi aunty, mein hall me so jaunga. Next morning, a beautiful girl comes with a cup of coffee Boy : Aap kaun? Girl :Me Bittu aur ap? Boy :Me gadha, kuta, ullu ka patha.

A Pakistani family put their grandfather in an American nursing home. After a few days they came to visit him "How do you feel here?" asked the grandson, "It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous & respectful. There's a Musician, 85 yrs old, hasn't played the violin in 20 yrs & everyone still calls him Maestro. There is a Judge, 95 yrs old, hasn't been on the CHAIR in 30 yrs & everyone still calls him Your Honor. There's a Dentist, 90 yrs old hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 yrs & everyone still calls him Doctor

& There is ME, I haven't had sex for 35 yrs & they still call me, 'The Fuckin' Pakistani

Best Lines one will say after their school & College Life "Going to Learn was better than Going to Earn"

Define Human BeingA Person who kills animals.. After drinking, drives over poor people sleeping on the road & kills them & then wears a T-shirt saying "BEING HUMAN

''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

Women's poem: Before you lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.

I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best frnd. MEN'S POEM: I pray for a rich, deaf-mute nymphomaniac with beautiful curves who owns a liquor store & has a golf course. It doesnt rhyme but I dont care

The greatest joke of the millennium. Teacher "Where is the CAPITAL OF INDIA? "Student -"in Switzerland" (Swiss Banks)

Drinkers Gang-Aaj Tab Tak Piyenge Jb Tk Wo Samne Wale 3 Ped(Trees) 6 Nhi Dikhte! Bar Tender-Bs Karo Kamino, Samne 1 Hi Ped he. Ab Kya Jungle Banaoge

1 Friday, A boy wit super hot girl entered a jewellery shop & chose a ring worth 8 lacs for her. Girl felt awesome like we all know :p Boy gave a cheque & said he will collect d ring on Monday after d cheque is cleared. ( Very decently On Monday jeweller calld d boy: Ders no money in ur a/c. :s Boy:I knw, bt cn u imagine wat a weekend I enjoyd

Dad:I want u to marry a girl of my choice. Son:No Dad:The Girl is Bill Gates' daughter. Son:Then ok Dad:Goes to Bill Gates Dad:I want your Daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates:No Dad:My Son is CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates:Then Ok Dad Goes to the President of the World Bank. Dad:Appoint my Son as the CEO of your Bank. President:No Dad:He is the Son-in-law of Bill Gates. President:Then Ok... This is Business !!!

A man kills DEER & cooks it & doesnt tell kids wat it is. He gives a Clue" its wat ur Mom calls me !". Son Shouted: "Koi mat khana, KUTTA hai KUTTA!"

Dost aise hote hain PASS ho to Maa: Bhagwan ki kripa hai Papa: Beta Kiska Hai Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain! FAIL ho to Maa: Aag lage is mobile me Papa: Laad pyaar ne bigaad rakha hai Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain! B'DAY par Maa: Jug jug jiye mera beta Papa: Hamesha aage badhe

Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain! After BREAK UP Maa: Beta Bhool ja usko Papa: Mard ban Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain! MORAL OF THE STORYDuniya badal jaati hai par DOST kabhi nahi badalte!

"Bap ne bete ki talasi li ... Cigrate, Gutkha, Daru ki choti botal Or Ladkiyo k Mbl no.Nikle. Bap Ne bahot mara- Saale kabse Chal rha H sab? Beta zor se Rote hue-Papa ye apki hi jacket hai

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks, To be as rich as his child believes, To have as many women as his wife suspects

Jo aadmi hamesha hasta rehta hai usko ' HUS-MUKH ' kehte hain. Abb sawaal yeh hai, jiska hasna bilkul bandh ho, usko kya kehte hain? ' HUS-BAND '

I eat the animals which produce the methane gas which effects global warming... You guys eat the plants that are trying to fix global warming... So who's really killing the planet ????? Save earth, eat non veg!! :D Sincerely, A Non-Vegetarian

Ques: '' Who started the concept of 5 days a week & 2 days off ?'' Ans:'' Draupadi!

After drinking men talk unnecessarily.. Become emotional.. Drive badly.. Stop thinking.. Fight 4 nothing. Conclusion:- Alcohol contains female hormones

Why do Boys Hold Girl's Hands Wen Walking In Markets. Bcz if Dey Leave Their Hand, Dey Wil Start Shoppin.. It Luks RoMNTiC Bt Actually Its EcOnOMiC

Remember these Two words, it will open many Doors in life... 1. Push 2. Pull

Hot Girl gets in Professors cabin and says: I will do anything to pass! Prof: kuch bhi? Girl:yes! Prof: Sure? Girl:Yes Prof: To Padhle Beti...

V Pronounce 22 as TwentyTwo, 33 as Thirty Three, 44 as FortyFour, 55 as FiftyFive, Why not 11 as OnetyOne

A Shy Young Guy Goes 2 Bar & Sees A Butiful Gal Sittng Alone. He Gathers Sm Courage, Goes 2 Her Table & Asks: "Wud u Mind If I Sit Here Besides u?" She Rspnds Loudly: "No I Dont Wanna Spend d Nyt Wid u!"

Evry1 At Bar Turns & Stares At d guy. Young Guy Shockd & Embarasd Goes Back 2 His Table. Aftr Few Minute dt Gal Slowly Walks 2 Him Apolgises & Says "U c I'm A Science Stdnt In Psychology & Studying How Ppl Rspnd To Embarssng Situatns!" Guy Rspnds Loudly "Wat! Rs.3000! Dts 2 Mch 4 1 nite"Evry1 Stares at d galGuy Silntly Whisprs "Ab Le pange Commrce stdnt se

Have you ever noticed that after mon and tues.Even the calender says W T F

3 frnds lived in a flat on 100th floor1 day lift was nt wrking.. dey decided 2 tell a story while walking upstairs.. 1st told a comic story till 50 floor,2nd told a action story till 99th floor........3rd told a horror story in 1 sentence-.....................'I forgot the room keys in the car...:)

American Lady updated hr FB status "We Met, fell madly in Luv,Got Engaged,Had a Luvly Tym..Den things Turnd Sour..We Sepratd n Dvorcd.. Wat a bsy weeknd it ws

Advantage of speaking truth is that u don't have to remember what u said.. BuT Telling lies increases Ur Memory..

Think different.Teacher ne gadhe k samne daru or pani ki balti rakhi, Gadha paani pi gaya, Teacher to studnt-tumne isse kya sikha, Studnt-jo daru nhi pita wo gadha hai.

Princpal: school ka time 8 baje ka hai aur tum 9 baje aa rahe ho? Anurag: sir aap mera intazar mt kia karo School shuru kar dia karo:D

Loyalty Test : Wife buys a Dozen underwear of same Colour 4 hubby Hubby- why same Colour? Ppl will think I never change underwear Wife-Which people? Total SilenceA teacher asks a girl in her class, " What part of the human body expands to five times its normal size?

3) Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. 4) Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 5) Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. 6) Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. 7) Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 8) Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work it will. 9) Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 10) Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last. 11) Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 12) Law of Proposal : After u accept a proposal you will get a better oneX_X

What is INDIA? A nation where PIZZA reaches home faster than AMBULANCE & POLICE. Where U get CAR LOAN @8% but EDUCATION LOAN @12%. Where 1 kg ONION is Rs.24 but SIM CARD is free with 24 Rs talktime. Olympic shooter wins GOLD, govt gives 3 crore. Another shooter dies fighting with TERRORIST, govt pays only 1 lakh. Really, incredible INDIA. If u cannot buy a train ticket u r in jail for 6 months

but for spectrum tragedy just resign his job.

"GUJARAT" Govt. is 2nd best state Govt. in the world as announced by internatio nal council of UN. Before 10 year they had 50,000 crores loan in world bank. But today they've deposited 1 lac crore in world bank.In gujarat:"N O BAR""NO POWER CUT""15 % of WHOLE INDIA EXPORT is FROM Gujarat"Th ink who is 'INDIAN IDOL'? Rahul Gandhi or 'NARENDRA MODI

Agar aap soch rahe ho petrol waapis sasta hone wala hai toh UPA sarkar ki nazaar mein Aap Chutiye Hain Agar aapko lagta hai ke facebook pe "Save the tiger" page ko like karne se tiger save ho jayenge, toh aap chutiye hain Agar aap seriously sochte hain, ki iss agle sutte ke baad aap cigarette ko chhuenge bhi nahi, toh kasam marlboro ki aap chutiye hain Agar aap 1 msg 10 logo ko forward karke bhagwan se 10 wishes puri hone ki hopes rakhte hai, toh Vodafone bhi kahega ki Aap Chutiye Hain Agar apko lagta hai ki bar bar lift ka button dabaane se lift jaldi aa jaayegi toh Otis ki kasam pakka Aap Chutiye Hain Agar aapko lagta hai ki Rupa Frontline pehennese aap line mein sabse aage jaenge to Rajpal Yadav bhi bolega Aap Chutiye Hain

Guide: Welcome you all to Niagara falls. This is the world's largest waterfall & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the sound of Niagara Falls..

EXCUSE ME U r Under Arrest Its illegal 2 B so sweet. so I ARREST U 4 Life time, in d lockup OF My Heart as a sweet frnd Case closed! No bail sorry

Why girls live longer than boys? Scientific studies have proved that "Shopping" never causes HEART ATTACKS, But, "Paying-the-Bills" does!!! :)

Management philosophy By A Worker In Garage: 'I Can't Repair your Horn, So I Made your Brakes Well'...... Every Problem Has a Solution... We Need To FIND

Height of Job satisfactionA boy got a job in girls hostel. After 2 months owner asked: Y u dont com 2 take ur salary? Boy: KYA? Salary bhi Milegi..??

HONEYMOON.... A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

5 Things Hindi movies taught us: 1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.!

2. while defusing a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut, You will always choose the right one! 3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound! 4. A detective can solve a case only when he's suspended from duty! 5. If u decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps

What is the difference between Complete & Finished? You have a beautiful girlfriend. Your life is Complete Your wife comes 2 know about it You are Finished!

They say milk gives u strength. Drink 3 glasses and try moving a wall. You can't. But drink 3 shots of vodka and see - the wall moves on its own

Santa's speech to his workers in English: "Do is do, not do not do, Eat ur husband and lie in oven.. What my goes? Your goes your father's goes. In Punjabi:Karna hai karo, nahi karna na karo.. Khasmaa nu khao te chulle vich pao.. Mera ki janda ae? Jo janda ae twaada te twaade peo da janda hai!=))

When everything is going dark and dim,don't worry.. God is actually switching off the lights before throwing a surprise party for you

Kya apke toothpaste me namak He?

Agr H to thodi haldi, mirchi, imli, or nariyal dalkr chatni Q nhi bna lete,brush k sath breakfast b ho jayega

Nine pipe pour bun pipe pour pipe bun pour pipe "Means...?? Its not a Tongue Twister.Lalu Prasad Yadav gives his mobile number in a meeting 9541545145.

A man sentenced to be hanged was asked for his last wish. He said - I wish to be hanged after Kasab is hanged. And so he lived happily ever after >:O

A Boy & Girl were arguing over sum issue. After much of discussion, Girl finally saidTel me baby, do u want to win or do u want to b happy? Arguemnt ended...

MUST READ ITS AMAZING. Raj lives wid room mate Riya. raj's mom vists him. At dinner,seein d chemistry between raj and riya,mom doubts dat dere z smthin b/w dem. She asks,but he refuses. Mom leaves. Riya cmplained,her Favorite Silver Jar was missing since mom left. Raj mailed mom: im nt sayin u DID steal d jar,also im nt sayin u DID NOT.Bt jar is missin since u left us after dinner. Mom replied: im nt sayin u DO sleep wid Riya,also im nt sayin u DONOT. But if riya had slept on her own bed,she wud have found it under her pillow..!!=))

A sindhi comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. Hes got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, Whats in the bags? Sand, answered the sindhi. Iqbal says, Well just see about that. Get off the bike. Iqbals guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sindhi all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sindhi, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sindhis shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, What have you got? Sand, says the sindhi. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the sindhi, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, the sindhi doesnt show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a Dhaba in Islamabad . Hey, Buddy, says Iqbal, I know you are smuggling something. Its driving me crazy. Its all I think aboutI cant sleep. It will just be between you and me, can you let me know what are you smuggling? The sindhi, sips his Lassi and says, Bikes" :D

Virginty is like baloon, 1 prick n it's gone forever! Trust is like virginity, Once its lost, its lost forever!

Fabulous Comparisions Ravan ko court me laya gaya or kaha: Gita pe hath rakho Ravan bola: Sala Sita pe hath rakha to itna matter hua Ab Gita pe.... SORRY BOSS NOT INTERESTED

Today i met Mario. I greeted him n askd "do u remembr me?" He replied "No". I said, "Bastard!! .... I hve lost my whole childhood in saving ur girlfriend

PAKISTANI POEM: 'TaLiban TaLiban!' Yes PAPA MAKING BOMBS! No PAPA! TeLLing LieS..? NO PAPA... Open Ur JACKET *?DHAM?* @#DHUM#@%\DAAM/%

Chikku:sister muje 1 bottle blood dedo Nurse:Blood grouP bolo Chikku:koi b chalega Nurse:kaise chalega? C:Girlfriend ko love letter likhana he

A rabbit runs, jumps and lives only for 15 years!!! A turtle doesn't run, does nothing, yet lives for 150 yrs!! Moral: EXCERCISE IS HELL ! JUST SLEEP WELL !!

If Muaah is a text kiss, then "Kal-muaah" must be a scheduled kiss for tomorrow.

Is ur life boring?:( Type 'I LOVE' <space> ur lover name N send it to all ur relatives .MA KASAM hungama much jayega life me...

One day Beggar found Rs 100/- on the road. He decided to have a great dinner so he went to a 5 star hotel & enjoyed the dinner. When bill came of Rs.3500, he said, "I have no money." Manager called Police and handed the Beggar over to them. The Beggar gave Rs.100 to policeman and set free. What a fine example of "FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT" =))

Awesome Answers In IAS(Indian Administrative Service) Examination Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS) Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS) Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98) Q.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ? A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper ) Q. What can you never eat for breakfast? A: Dinner. Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state? A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

Dear Girls, If A Guy Pauses His PLAY STATION Just To Text You Back, Marry Him! & Dear Boys, If A Girl Ruins Her Wet Nail POLISH Just To Text You Back, Marry Her.! :p

Boy- mere ek dost ne mere phone se mere hi girlfrend ka numbr chura liya Frnd- to ab ? Boy- pagal kalse khud ki behen ko romantic sms bhej raha hai

FB fever : Once a guy updated his status : 'I'm gonna sleep shirtless tonight' After sometime., 17 mosquitoes liked his status.

STORY OF LUV AT SECOND SIGHT..! A gal fell in love wid a boy at second sight, bcoz at 1st sight she didn't know that he had AUDI Q7..!! ;)

100% killer PJ: This will kill u or u may even feel like killing me! What do u call a FISH without an eye? F SH

Sardar-I kiss my wife b4 I go to office everyday & U? Frnd- I kiss ur wife after U go to office everyday. Sardar- Ha..Ha.. I'm 1st, i'm 1st....

Killing sayari by sardar: jo dil me dard de wo dildar hai. Gaur farmayega. Jo dil me dard de wo dildar hai Or Jo "sar me dard de" wo "SARDAR" Hai.

Many relations come into life just as rain on ocean. But only some can take the best place like a drop on oyster which fortunately becoms a pearl......

2 rounds of brandy 30 min b4 meal help digestion. 1 glass of beer aftr waking up helps activate internal organs..1 round of scotch whiskey b4 sleep avoids heartattack..1 glass of wine before bath reduces blood pressure...Pass it to all, if u care.Kindness costs nothing! Let us all stay Healthy n Happy...!;)

KHATARNAAK DOSTI : 1 boy was late 2 reach home. His Dad "kaha tha tu?" "Friend ke yahaa tha." Fthr cald 2 his 10frndz 4 ans:"Haan uncle, yahi par tha" 3 ans: "abhi just nikla hai" 2 ans:"yahi hai uncle, Pad raha hai...phone du kya"..? 1 ne to had kar di He Answerd: "Haan papa, bolo kya hua?..

Actual chat meanings : - TC Bye : Shut up and get lost! - Hmm : So why are you telling me all this? - Hey, wassup? : Im bored! Talk to me pls? - Cool : I've heard enough of you, loser! - Okay : Whatever! Don't eat my brain now. - Lol : Trust me, I have absolutely nothing to say!

If u want 2b happy 4a short time-GET DRUNK If u want 2b happy 4a long time- FALL IN LOVE Bt if u want 2b happy forever- DONT EVEN THINK OF THESE TWO!!

Sardarr is far greater than Newton. Check this out, Nwtn: Wen v Throw A Ball in d Air, y Does It Cum Dwn? Sardar: coz der's Nobody In The Air To Catch The Ball !

Y Cud Pamela andrson nvr becum a Teachr? Bcoz wen She movd 2 Write on Board d Words got Rubbed wthout a Duster

Deadly & poisonous pj.. Ek saap ne mujhe das diya.... Maine use 5-5 ke chhutte de diye....!:D

3 drunk men, hired a taxi.D taxi driver figured dey wer drunk.So he just switchd on d engine & switchd it off & told them We have Arrived.d 1st guy gave him money,2nd guy said thanks but the 3rd guy slapped him.d taxi driver was stunned coz he was hoping dat none of them would realize dat d car hadn't moved an inch.So he asked ,What was dat for? 3rd guy replied,Control your speed next time.You almost killed us

Dad joined facebook :O kid's status update: 'Dad on fb.. wtf..!!':/ dad commented- wat is wtf?? :/ kid replied: 'wlcme to facebook!!

Teacher student se: "Pappu ne dopeher ko Pathan ki Behan ko aankh maari" Iss ka Future Tense bataao ? Student: "Pathan shaam ko Pappu ki gaand maare ga"=D =))

1st time in HISTORY Santa ne ek Intelligent question pucha & Teacher behosh ho gayi..... Q : BLACK is a colour WHITE is also a colour But BLACk & WHITE TV is not COLOUR TV.......WHY ???

A 6th stndrd kid wrote in his maths answr sheet: Dear Maths,

I'm sick & tired of findin ur 'x' Jst accpt d fact dat she's gone! Move On dude! :p;)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not..

Why does it take a million sperms to fertilize one egg...? Ans: Male Ego... Not even one will ask for directions

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He comes across a used Harley. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. Well, its quite simple, really, says the seller, whenever the bike is outside and its going to rain,rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.

OLD CONCEPT-"Do or die" NEW CONCEPT-"Do before u die" LATEST CONCEPT-"Dont die until u do Santa is confused-"koi batayega sala karna kya hai???''

Height of Insult-Man surfing tv channels asks his wife: Darling, should i watch cricket? Wife: For god's sake watch porn, u already know how to play cricket!

.A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will floc to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAMshe's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she

wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good Male readers: Please scroll down. The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!! Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart . Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

WIFE-Where'll u take me on our 10th anniversary? HUSBAND-We'll go to African jungle safari. WIFE-Nice, and on our 25th anniversary? HUSBAND-I'll bring u back.!!...

We always say 'have a BLAST' while wishing our frnds on bdays...silly kasab...took it seriously..... Nokia's next model will be called Kasab, it can't get hanged... ;) "BOMB" found in globus just now..........& she's HOT ! Apple has now introduced a new software ''ikasab'' it will never hang

Universal Theorems: LAW OF EXAMS: The topic we leave will come in the exams for sure... LAW OF QUEUE: The queue you just left will start moving faster than the one you switched to... LAW OF MECHANICS: Whenever there's grease in your hands, your nose will suddenly start itching .LAW OF REACHABILITY: A coin that is accidently dropped down from your pockets will attain the most unreachable corner possible...

THEOREM OF TELEPHONE: When dialing a wrong number, it will never be engaged

mumbai police is just buy in checking bikers wearing helmet or not, car driver is wore seat belt or not, drunk n drivers, fake nakabandi's everywhere even though if its huge raining but they dosen't have time to find out criminals n terrorists, very easily they come in city n plant bombs, police is just trained to do what they r doing they r not trained to detect or find these terrorists.., raidn hukka parlours

We only make movies like wednesday and they actually do it in real life " what a wednesday

It is kasab's birthday today 13/7/87 y d fucker is still alive...

Anyone Calls U Saying he is from Mobile company & Asks u to type #09 or #90. PLZ DON'T DO. YOU CUT THE CALL..B.coz this is an Attempt of Pakistan Terrorists to find out ur Sim card no. to attach ur phone line.

What is "BULL RIDING" in sex ? Get on top of your girlfriend While in action, whisper another girl's name, then see how long you can stay on top !

Sardar at Microsoft for a job.

Interviewer: Which are the 4 versions of Java? Sardar: Mar Java, Mit Java, Lut Java te Sadke Java !!!

For a boy its easier to pick up 40kg girl.. But 4 the same boy its quiet difficult to pick up a 14.2Kg gas cylinder Dedication & interest matters

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; ?So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence." Adam ate the apple again !

How do ARAB's name their babys? *If he smiles, "Ismail".. *If he has 1 hair, "Iq-bal".. *If he has 1 hair on bum, "Ass-if-iqbal".. *If homosexual, "ASS-FAQ".

*If he shakes his dad's cock, "Sheikh-abbu-da-lullah" *If he shakes his mom's boobs, "Sheikh-mah-boob" *If born wid n erection, "Fuck-ru-ddin".

Best slogan on T-shirt of the year 2011__ 'I don't need sex 'My Government fucks me everyday..'

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child." What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked. The doctor thought for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that lion." "Exactly" Said the Doctor" 5 things Indian movies taught us: 1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.! 2. while defusing a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut, you will always choose the right one! 3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain wen a woman is trying to clean his wound! 4. A detective can solve a case only wen he's suspended from duty! 5. If u decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps

A lady went 2 doc 4 help on sex life: dr. - give ur husbnd vigra..! Lady- i cant. he hate pills, dr- jst put it in his coffe... Nxt week, she came back unhappy dr- was it nt gud ? Lady-no it was the bst sex i evr had..he had few sips of coffee..thn pushed everythng off d table n made love 2 me right thr on table..! Dr-well, whats wrng thn ? lady-i'll nevr b able 2 show my face in barista evr again...:p;)

To all the married men.... N to the one who are planning to get married...... =)) A marriage story: A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'' 'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' Asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." Replied the husband. The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses...".He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. the husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" 'You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'' 'You want dirty words,

Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your mother fucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere

Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Mother in law reply - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is Broken...

Galib: Mohabat ki is rah par bahaut dard milega........ Mohabat ki is rah par bahaut dard milega. .............. Sindhi: Wadi sai is rah pe ek medical store kholtey hain, saala bahaut chalega

Man O' Man...Without Money, He rides a bicycle...When he has money, he rides an Exercise machine,Without money,he walks to earn food...When he has money,he walks to Lose the fat, Without money, he wishes to get married...When he has money,he wishes to get divorced, Without money,his wife becomes his secretary,When he has money,his secretary becomes his wife,Without money,he acts like a rich man,When he has money,he acts like poor man,Says share market is bad,but keeps speculating,Says money is evil,but keeps accumulating,Says high positions are lonely,but keeps wanting them,Says gambling and drinking is bad,but keeps indulging in them,Man O Man... Never means what he says,never says what he means..

A lady lawyer decided to give herself a big treat for her birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels. When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for 250.00. She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth 250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast." The clerk told her that 250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympicsized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use." 'But I didn't use them," she said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said. "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for 50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you 200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."=)).... U won't win against a lawyer. And u definitely won't win against a woman

Men are born between the legs of a woman and they spend their entire life trying to go back between them.. This is called HOMESICKNESS..!:p

8 Common lines after people get drunk1.Tu mera bhai HAI.! 2.Gaadi main chalaunga! 3.Mai teri dil se izzat karta hu! 4.yaar i love her! 5.Ye mat samajh ki mai pi kAr bol rAha hu.! 6.I M OK! 7.tu bol bhai kya chahiye,tere liye jaan hazir hai.! D best one- 8.Kal se daru band..

Malkin-Tu 3din kam pe nhi aayi. Kamwali-Mene to Facebook pe update kiya tha "Mai Gaon Ja Rhi Hu" Apke pati ne commnt b kia tha: "Miss u.. ;)

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA : Scenario 1: Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on. That's MUMBAI. Scenario 2: Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are definitely in PUNJAB Scenario 3: Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's DELHI. Scenario 4: Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along & quietly opens a tea stall. "Welcome to Bihar''

New & Effective slogan to protect Girl child: "Save girl child, else your SON will be forced to be a G A Y"

A Professor Explained Marketing to Management Students: 1) You see gorgeous girl in party, you go to her & say, " I am rich marry me..." - That's "Direct Marketing" 2) You attend party & your friend goes to a girl & pointing at you tells her: "He's very rich, marry him..."- That's "Advertising" 3) You are at a party & a girl walks to you & says, "You rich, can you marry me...?"

- That's "Brand Recognition..." 4) You see cute girl at a party and you go to her & say, "I am very rich marry me..." & she slaps you... - That's "Customer Feedback...." 5) You see a girl at party. You go to her & say, " I am very rich marry me... " & she introduces you to her husband.... - That's "Demand & Supply Gap..." 6) You see a cute girl at party. You go to her & say, "I am rich marry me...." & your wife arrives..... - That's "Restriction for entering new market...

Tragedies of boys' Life: 1.Gud girls r Not Gudlooking. 2.Gudlooking girls r Not gud girls. 3.Gudlooking & gud girls r not single. 4.Gudlooking,gud & single girls have strong Brothers. 5.Gudlooking, gud,single girls without brothers will treat us as her brother....

YE PYARA SA GULAB SIRF AaP K Liye (\./) /.".)"^----;";_ \,,/"( , , )\

//\\ //\\ ab Iska naam gulab h to mai kya kru.. ;)

What's the Height of Bad English. A Girl went to Office for the first day Marawadi Boss-Aao tharo sabse Intercourse karwa du...!:)

Define BOSS?Boss is a person who thinks that nine women togther can produce a child in one month.And if this Target is achieved then he wants twins next month.

How a man withdraws cash from ATM: 1) Park the car 2) Go to ATM 3) Insert card 4) Enter PIN 5) Take money 6) Drive away. How a woman withdraws cash from ATM: 1) Park the car 2) Check makeup 3) Turn off engine 4) Check makeup 5) Go to ATM 6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse 7) Insert card 8) Hit cancel 9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it. 10) Insert card 11) Enter PIN 12) Take cash 13) Go to car 14) Check makeup 15) Start car 16) Stop car

17) Run bck 2 ATM 18) Take ATM card 19) Back 2 car 20) Chck makeup 21) Start car 22) Chck makeup 23) Drive for a mile 24)release HAND BRAKE!

Brilliant Ans for which student got 0% :Q- In which battle did Tipu Sultan die? Ans- His last battle!:) Q- How do you stop acid indigestion? Ans- Stop drinking acid!:) Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed? Ans- At the bottom of the page!:) Q- What's the main reason for divorce? Ans- Marriage.:) Q- whats the main reason for compartment? Ans- exams Q- ganga flow in which state?Ans- liquid state.: What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant lady have in common? In each scenario, there's a dumb ass who didn't take it out in time!

Why girls can't play any team game..? 'Coz they can't bear the fact that 9 other girls will be wearing the exact same clothes'

The Postal department has issued stamps wid a picture of Mallika Sherawat.! Nw people r confused which side 2 lick..;) :p

A fairy saw a bear chasing a rabbit in d forest. She askd both to stop. "I wil grant u both 3 wishes" Bear-I wish all d bears in d forest, xcept me,b female. D rabbit wished for a helmet. Bear thot-stupid rabbit, wasting his wish. Bear- "I wish all d bears in d next forest b female" Rabbit askd for a bike. Bear was shocked agn. Bear- "make evry bear in d world female xcept me" D rabbit grinned, started his bike n said "Make dis bear gay";)

Wich is the most Dangerous Alphabet? ~W~ B'coz all WORRIES start with "W" WHO? WHY? WHAT? WHEN? WHICH? WHOM? WHERE? WINE! WHISKY! WOMEN! & FINALLY WIFE...

Arranged marriage is "While u r walking unfortunately a snake bites u" But Love marriage is ''Dancing in front of the snake & saying, Katle...katle.

Differences: MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

NATURAL:Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

FINAL THOUGHT: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing...:p

FUNNIEST CONTRADICTORY WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Act naturally 5.Found missing 6.Fully empty 7.Happily married...

"I luv walkn in rain so dat no one can c my tears!" - ye purana wala tha"i luv walkn in d fog so that no one can see that m smoking"- ye naya tha.. latest pta kya hai? "i luv walking, bcoz petrol is now 68 rs per litre."

Cat:hw old r u? Elpnt:5 yrs. Cat: U luk big. Elpnt: i m a COMPLAN BOY cat: i m 20yrs ......Elpnt: But u luk small Cat: PONDS AGE MIRACLE,;) :p

Why is it so hard for girls to find boys who are tender, sensitive & caring? ..Because such boys already have boyfriends ! :D=))

New age love: Wife: "Will you build a Taj Mahal for me when I die?" Husband: "I've already purchased a plot in Agra, the delay is from your end.

Train me Warning Likhi thi, "Bina Ticket Yaatri Hoshiyaar.." Santa Waah...aur Jo Ticket Lekar Yaatra kar rahe hain,Wo Sab kya BEWKOOF hain...?

johnny and his dad went to the store one day and Little Johnny asked his dad: can I have some chips?

Dad says: can your dick touch your asshole? Little Johnny says: No Dad: well that's your answer. They went to the next aisle and Little Johnny asks: can I have some candy? Dad: can your dick touch your asshole? Little Johnny: No!! Dad: well that's your answer. When they got to the cash register, the dad felt kinda bad and bought two lottery tickets. They go to the car and the dad hands Little Johnny a ticket. They both scratch their tickets. The dad lost and Little Johnny won 10 million dollars! Dad: you're gonna share that with your old man, right? Little Johnny: Can your dick touch your asshole? Dad lifts his head up and says proudly "Yes, it can!" Little Johnny replies: Good ! Go fuck yourself!!!=D

Bus Driver k piche betha bachha shor kr rha tha: Agar meri ma hathni & bap hathi hota to m chota hathi hota, Agr meri ma cow & bap bull hota to m chota bull hota. Bus driver gusse me: Agr teri ma randi & baap gandu hota to tu kya hota? Bachha bhi bahut madarchod tha, wo bola, Bus driver hota aur kya

Arz kiya hai.. Jaldbazi me Shaadi krke sara jivan bigad loge, Wah,Wah Jldbazi me Shaadi krke sara jivan bigad loge Soch samaj K kroge to b kya ukhaad loge.:D

boyfrd & gf Sath me Market se ja Rhe the. 1 Ladki ne Hello kiya. gf: Kon Thi ye? bf: Tum plz Mera dimag kharab Mt kro! Abhi Usko b batana H ki Tum Kon ho.

Read it, its Awesome : Kuch Saalo baad Pal Ye Bahut Yaad Aayenge. Jab hum Apne Apne Mukaam par Pahunch Jayenge, Akele jab bhi Honge, sath Guzare Hue Lamhe yaad Aayenge, Paise to bahut honge shayad, par Kharch karne ke Lamhe kam ho Jayenge, Aaj Zyada Message Aane se Gussa hote hai. kal Ek-Ek Message ko Taras Jayenge, Ek Cup Chai Yaad Dosto ki Dilayegi. fir Sochte Sochte Aankhe Namm ho Jayegi, In Palo ko Mil kar Dil Khol kar Jeelo Yaaro, kyuki Zindagi in Dino ko fir nahi Dohrayegi...

Sardar: "Will u Marry me?" Girl: "Sorry i'm a Lesbian" :p Sardar: "Whats a Lesbian?" :O Girl: "i like Girls".

Thailand: Amazing Thailand

India: Incredible India Malaysia: Truely Asia. Wat's Pakistan Tourism's tag line? Hav a Blast, Till you Last!!

SIMPLE TRUTH: When a woman gets pregnant... All her friends visit her & touch her stomach saying " CONGRATS " BUT no one touches a man's penis saying " Good job done" MORAL OF THE STORY : Hard work is never appreciated

Santa goes to library and asks for the book-PSYCHO, THE RAPIST. Librarian searches, comes back and slaps him and says-Idiot, rascal, chutiye ! The book is PSYCHOTHERAPY

Santa Singh, who had recently arrived in the US, wanted to earn some money. He decided to become a 'handy-man' and started looking for some work in an up market locality nearby. He noticed that a beautiful bungalow belonged to an Indian family. He went there and asked the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" the owner asked. Santa responded, "How about $ 20?"The owner said "Fine, there's a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage."The owner's wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation asked her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That's a whole day's job."The man replied, "He should; he was standing on it. Plus, he's an enterprising Sardar. Do you think he's dumb?""No, I don't think so. I guess I'm just influenced by those stupid Sardar e-mail jokes we keep receiving." A short time later, Santa came to the door and asked for $ 20."You've finished already?" the husband asked."Yes," he replied,

"and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats."Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the money and handed it to him."And by the way," Santa Singh added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW.....

Bil gates says,"I M NOT A UNIVERSITY TOPPER, BUT 2DAY ALL UNIVERSITY TOPPERS ARE MY EMPLOYEES".Bas yhi lines ne mujhe top krne se rok dia...

A frog askd panditji: whts my future? He rplid: beautiful grl is goin 2 touch u everywhere. Xcitd frog askd: where & how? Nxt week in BIO PRACTICAL...

Ever Heard about the device that converts your precious thoughts into speech..?? It is called 'DAARU' ..! :).

3 NICE STORIES. 1. Once all villagers decided 2 pray for rain, on d day of prayer ol ppl gathered nd only one boy came wid n umbrella. THATS FAITH. 2. Example of d feelin of a one year old baby. Wen u throw him in d air,he laughs bcoz he knows u wil catch him. THATS TRUST. 3. Every nite v go 2 bed, v have no assurance 2 wake up alive d next morning bt stil v hve plans for 2moro THATS HOPE.

Wife - whenever i sing classical why do you stand in balcony?? Husband - To ensure that neighbours dont think i'm fucking u forcibly;)

After an accident,a very angry driver: I showed u the headlights n told u to go by the side.Sardar: I also started the wipers and said No,no...No,

Why is a woman's mind cleaner n fresher than a man? Because she keeps changing it all the time

Somewhere someone is surely made for U & God has decided a perfect time to make U meet that person.. Till then Enjoy Ur own Settings.;)

Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both! The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty? Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you? To see if you really mean it! Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again. Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does. Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years. The stock markets now are like an old man's dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting screwed! This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan ....... "We stare because we care!" The saddest part of a man's body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!" A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window. Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice! Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once? Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock. If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split. What's the difference between a bomb & a condom? In a bomb blast, population decreases BUT in a condom blast, population increases

Boy got Rejected,Girl got selected in interview for the same Reason. Reason:They both had 1st Button of their shirts opened in front of CEO

Absolutely true... "If a BOY wants a 'Girl' to be an "ANGEL".... First 'He' should create HEAVEN for Her..."

March " Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...... box said ' 2-4 years!" April "Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!! " May "Tried to make orange Tang.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! " June "Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope." July "Lost breast stroke swimming competition.......learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! " August " Got locked out of my car in a rain storm..... car swamped because the soft-top was open. " September "The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it??? "

Read it, u'll enjoy:Rabri devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh).As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Yamraj answered, "Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.""Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that henever told a lie."And whose clock is that?"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, tellingus that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."Rabri

asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceilingfan.

Ek baccha hr roz Maths techer ko phone lagata tha Techer ki wife-Kitni bar kaha wo mar gaye hain. Baar baar phone kyu krte ho? Baccha- Sun k acha lagta hai..!

A wealthy Saudi businessman walks into a bar and sees a Jew so he walks over to the bartender and orders an expensive drink for everyone except for the Jew. He looks at the Jew and sees the Jew is smiling so he goes and buys another round for everyone except for the Jew and the Jew is still smiling...So he walks over to the bartender and asks him, 'what's with that Jew is he an idiot or something''Oh no Sir, he's the owner'!!

Marwadi: Hw many apples can u eat on empty stomach? Sardar: I can eat 6 apples. Marwadi: Wrong, U cn eat only 1 apple on empty stomach, coz wen u eat 2nd dat's nt on empty stomach. Sardar: super joke yaar :) I'll tell this to my frnd. Then sardar went 2 his frnd ! Sardar: How many apple can u eat on empty stomach? Sardar's frnd: I can eat 10. Sardar: Hut yaar, 6 bolta to mast joke sunata.......:p:D

Ek "PETROL Pump" Pe Likha Tha -Kripya Yaha Dhumrapan Na_Kare Aapki Zindgi Ki_Koi Kimat Ho Na Ho Humare PETROL"Ki Qimat Rs. 68.28/Litre Hai

Sardar ne AC lagwaya.. padosi ne pucha: Abhi to Sardi hai? Sardar: Oye maine Ulta lagwaya hai, Garam Hawa Andar aur Thandi Hawa bahar. Bolo Tara Ra Ra...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?' My darling,' she replied,' I get all the thanks I need, every time I see your mother kiss you on the chee.

NOTICE at CHURCH-"Do not leave your Mobiles / Wallets / Handbags / Girlfriends/Wives UNATTENDED Others may think it is an answer to their prayers.

Marriage tips: if wife wants to get husband's attention, jus look sad & uncomfortable. If husband wants to get wife's attention, jus look comfortable & happy.

Wanna hear an adult fairy tale? Once upon a time horny cindrella put pinocchio's nose between her legs & said..."Lie to me bastard... lie to me

A woman's prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from the mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb:p. The femur is as hard as concrete. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire Broadcast. A man is still looking at his thumb

KHTARNAK DOSTI Boy was late 2 reach home His father " kaha tha tu.?" Boy-" Friend k Ghar tha." Father called his 10 frends 4 answrd "Ha uncle, yahi par tha"3 answrd "abhi just nikla hai" 2 answrd "yahi hai uncle, Pad raha hai phone du kya" 1 ne to had kar di"Haan papa, bolo kya hua.

Y Dont Nails Bleed When V Cut Them?Coz they're"NA-KHOON

wife :mujhe kahi mehangi jagah le kar chalo husband :chalo petrol pump chalte hai Ek Ladki Ne Chote Bache K Gaal Pe Kiss Kiya GIRL-Oh Sorry Tumare Gaal Pe Lipstick Lag Gyi Baby- Kuch Acha Karne Se Agar Daag Lagte Hain Toh Daag Ache Hain.

A GUJARATI having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother. Prays to God. God is pleased. Grants him only 1 wish. Gujarati: OK God, my only one wish is- 'I want my mom to SEE my wife putting 2 crore worth diamond around on my CHILD's neck, in my mercedes benz parked near swimming pool of our new bungalow in Beverly Hills.'GOD: Damn it ! I still have a lot to learn from these Gujarati's.

if u paint with Rs.40,000 worth Royal Paint,ur home will look colourful.But If u drink Royal Stag,worth Rs.400 the world will look colourful

USA: Hamare Dog Football Khelte Hai. JAPAN: Hamari Fish Dance Karti Hai. CHINA: Hamare Haathi Cycle Chalate Hai. INDIA: HAMARE GADHE GOVERMENT CHALATE HAI

Why PLANNING is important ? One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt.They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the Question Paper: Q.1. Your Name ........ ........ (2MARKS) Q.2. Which tire burst? (98 MARKS) a) Front Left c) Back Left b ) Front Right d) Back Righ

Teacher was teaching Mahabaratha to 6th std students. "Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison. 1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison. 2nd Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born..." At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt. The teacher asked What? The boy said "If kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him, why did he put devaki & vasudev in SAME jail?" Teacher fainted ! Generation gap ! but common sense!

Outrageous theory of Relativity: Its 6am, u r in ur bed, u close ur eyes for 5min, its 7:45 At office Its 1:30, u close ur eyes for 15mins, its jus 1:31

Girl: If we got married, stop smoking. Boy: Ok! Girl: Drinking too. Boy: Ok! Girl: N going to the night club too. Boy:- Yes.. Girl:- What else can u leave?? Boy:- The idea of marrying You!

An Old farmer lived in his farm..He wrote to his Innocent son who was in jail.. "Dis year I wont b able to plant the potatoes coz I can't dig d ground alone..I knw if u were here u wud hv helpd me.."Son replied, Dnt dig d ground.. Thats whr I buried d guns..!"

D nxt dy, ground was dug by police looking 4 guns bt nothing found..Son wrote again"Plant ur potatoes dad..Its d best I cud do 4rm here A boy romantically told his GIRLFRIEND "I can see the whole world in your eyes'' A mumbaikar passing by asks,''Arre chembur nake pe traffic hai kya dekh na''

A commerce professor asks the student: What is the most important source of finance for starting business? Student: "Father in law

'What is the Cure for Love at 1st Sight?' The Great Philosopher Replied:"Take a Closer Second Look,It Helps a Lot!"

Pathan rishtey k liye tasveer khichwa raha tha, Background mein gadha b aa gaya, Pathan ne tasveer k sath yeh likh kar Bheja K: "Hum aagay waala hay"

insurnce agent: Sir, we do penis insrnce also. customer: U replce with new one? Agent:No sir, once it stops working,we ensure free service to your wife.

If sex between 3 people is called a 3 some and between 2 people is called a 2 some....then why is handsome still a compliment

The Congress Party decided to withdraw the humble 25p coin as legal currency. Their thinking was... "Ek Anna to sambhalta nahin, 4 anna kaise sambhalenge?