Hyper-Independence: "I" versus "We" Approach

Growing up, a constant reminder of being independent in a society like ours reverberated throughout
persistently. Aspiring lifestyle beliefs like "I've got my back" are indeed positive approaches under
certain circumstances, but there are two spectrums to everything, and too much of anything indicates
the danger looming beneath it all. Hyper-independence occurs when one pursues every task or duty on
their own and is unwilling to accept help from others. Their life is built around self-reliance in every
aspect; starting from everyday tasks to handling strenuous situations or decisions.

Expressions such as "I got it, don't worry!" "I can manage on my own" or "I don't need anybody; I am my
own superhero" are not natural tendencies but indicate a hyper-independent individual. A thin line
separates the true essence of being "superhuman" to oneself from someone who has been hurt
repeatedly in the past, being rejected, discouraged, and left to fend for themselves until they had no
choice but to rely on themselves.

These days, the word "independent" is synonymous with strength and competence, meaning that being
able to complete every task on our own is a definitive measure of our willpower. However, this notion is
detrimental to our mental health, as hyper-independence leads to some of the following pressing issues
in our day-to-day lives: Below are some of the more commonly used phrases of a hyper-independent
person:

1) Bottling up emotions: "It is useless to share my problems as no one even bothers to understand me
and will be unable to help me with my struggles."

2) Afraid of being vulnerable and avoiding emotional connections: "There's no point in putting effort in
or waiting around; they will leave me either way."

3) Extreme burnout: "I am required to complete every task alone and do not require anyone's help or
assistance."

4) Autonomous persona and perfectionist approach to life: "I do not require other people's opinions, as
relying on myself has always given me the best outcomes."
5) Loneliness: "I love my solitude," which can be interpreted as "I never had anyone to rely on, and I am
the only one who can help myself."

According to research, hyper-independency can take root in you through childhood, intergenerational
trauma, or adverse adult experiences. It has been instilled in our systems at some point in our lives.
However, chains of self-limiting beliefs can be broken, and we can move towards a healthier way of
being independent by seeking help from others, slowly but steadily breaking the shackles of negativity
we are placed at. Being independent does not only mean relying on yourself but also refers to the
willingness to accept help when offered. A healthy, independent individual is someone who has
confidence in themselves and understands that it is okay to need assistance and share the burden at
times. It is in our nature as humans to be interdependent, and as a famous activist and advocate Kate
Kelly Sq. once said, "You do need people." "We all do."