“Doctor, my husband is talking in his sleep! All night! What can I do?

”
“Let him speak during the day!”

The leader of the vegetarian society couldn’t help himself anymore. He needed to try some
pork. He really wanted to know what it tastes like. And so, on a summer’s day, he told his
members that he was going on a vacation. He went out of town, and visited the nearest
restaurant.
He ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited to try it. After a few minutes, he heard
someone call his name. He saw that one of his colleagues was walking towards him. Just
at that same moment, the waiter came with a roasted pig, and it had an apple in its mouth.
“Well, isn’t this just terrible!?” says the leader after a moment, “All I did was order an apple,
and look what the apple comes with!”

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have your test results. I have bad news
for you. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.”
The old man says, “It is not so bad. I don’t have cancer!”

Peter goes to a doctor, “Doctor, I have a problem,” he says.

“When I sleep in my bed, I think that there is somebody under my bed. I look under my bed
and I think there is somebody on my bed. On, under, on, under. I think that I am crazy!”
The doctor thinks for one minute. Then he says, “Come to me for 2 years. Come here three
times in a week and I will help you.”
“How much will I pay?” Peter asks.
“One hundred dollars for a visit,” the doctor says.
Peter says, “I will think about it.”
Peter never comes back. After two weeks, he meets the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to visit me?” the doctor asks.
“One hundred dollars for one visit? It is expensive for me. A barman helped me for 10
dollars.”
The doctor doesn’t understand, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut the legs of the bed.”

“Where is the manager?”

“He is on the phone. It’s his wife.”
“How do you know that it is his wife?”
“Because he is not saying anything.”

Jerry was in hospital. He was recovering from his surgery. A nurse asks him how he is.
“I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used during the surgery,” he
answered.
“What did he say?” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”
A student stops a car and asks the driver,
“Can you take me to school?”
“Sorry, I’m going in another direction,” says the driver.
“Super, take me there!”

On a plane that was headed to New York, the flight attendant went to a blonde who was
sitting in the first class section. He asked her to move to the lower class because she did
not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going to New
York, and I’m not moving.” The flight attendant didn’t want to argue with a customer, so he
asked the co-pilot to speak with her. The co-pilot went to the blonde and asked her to move
out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going
to New York, and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot went back to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain
said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately
jumped up and ran to the lower class section. She mumbled to herself, “Why didn’t anyone
just say so…”
The flight attendant and the co-pilot were surprised, and they wanted to know what the pilot
had just said. The pilot replied, “I told her that the first class section wasn’t going to New
York.”

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he saw a policeman
who said, “Now, now young boy, I think you should take that monkey to the zoo.”
The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again
when he saw the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey boy, I thought I told you to
take that monkey to the zoo!”
The boy answered, “I did! Today, I’m taking it to the cinema.”