Dear Miriam

I'm not sure on how to start but I’ll just speak from the heart. I’ve known you for a long time now as
well as you know me but I haven't been honest with you or with the girls in the team. When I started
basketball, I never meant to take it seriously which can explain that my behavior of disinterest or
crying for whatever reason I cant remember or not interacting with any of you but then when I
gradually took the time to get to know all of you individually as people I understood that some play
basketball because they want to play just for the fun of it some play because their friends are there
and some play to make a living or a career out of it and of it and as for me I don’t play for fun for
friends or to make a living I play to be the best so that even if I have an injury or anything (god forbid)
happened to me people can say that I was one of the best because when I started all I wanted to be is
the best or one of the top, that’s why when playing or stepping into the court gives me goosebumps
mixed with adrenaline, tears would start coming through my eyes when I remember the memories of
playing the experience I had go to through especially those summer days when id grind thinking and
overthink on how to be better than yesterday? How do I bring benefit/ contribute/ make myself
useful to the team? All those thoughts kept crossing my mind day in day out I thought id die of
overthinking about nothing, even my parents noticed. With all of these cherished experiences and
beautiful moments I forgot about them cause I was blinded by what coach said or coach did which is
in the past back then it hurt a lot I don’t even know but when you forget about it and remember how
grateful all of what coach has done I still didn’t took it to heart because it wasn’t worth but it got to
me at some point and I dropped out, maybe out of spite, pettiness, anger or sadness which I cant
seem to recall but I can still recall my cowardly behavior of not confronting or saying anything to any
of you out of fear. Now that I cleared the one in the past be referring to the 3 events that happened,
one was when you texted me which shocked me cause I thought id never see you again I was happy
tho missed your cookin but I left after the trip was done without any reasonable explanation and I
apologize for that, two was when I saw you and the others during winter season which I had mixed
feelings of chatting again but I swallowed whatever emotion I had and approached you because it was
late pass my curfew and I apologize for not coming to great any of you sooner out of fear of
embarrazzment in public with I already done and I find it really loving and funny that I jumped on y'all
like I was baby happy to her old friends, and third the 3rd has more to do with the other party than me
but i have to apologize for that one too because firstly it wasn’t any of my business to intervene in any
of the matter at hand that has happened between any of you secondly responding and adding
whatever I felt jumped out cause I was in my healing phase and im healed don’t worry this is just one
of the things that deep down I wanted to say and do for over 4 years now but what I wanted to know
is that even if you thought I was going through something I truly appreciate all of you for being kind
and nice about it even if I wasn’t good at expressing my feelings so wasn’t worried being
misunderstood but it wasn’t fair of me to side with someone who i barely even talked to meanwhile i
didn’t even reconsider to ask the main people if they were involve in any of it of or if it was true so I
apologize for any pain or doubt I may have caused you in the past which was uncessary and childish of
me of me I wont beg for forgiveness or tell you to forget about the past or ask for a second chance
cause I don’t expect for everything to go back the way they are because
I'm not sure where, so I’ll simply talk from the heart. I’ve known you and you've known me for a long
time, but I haven't been honest with you or with the girls in the team. When I first started playing
basketball, I never intended to take it seriously, which explains my disinterest or crying for reasons I
can't remember or not interacting with any of you, but as I gradually took the time to get to know all
of you individually as people, I realized that some play basketball because they want to play just for
the fun of it some play because their friends are there and some play to make a living.

I realized that some people play basketball for the fun of it, while others play to make a living or a
career out of it, and I play to be the best so that even if I get injured or something (God forbid)
happens to me, people can say that I was one of the best because when I first started, all I wanted to
be was the best or one of the top.

That's why, when I'm playing or stepping onto the court, I get goosebumps mixed with adrenaline and
tears well up in my eyes as I recall the memories of playing and the experiences I've had, especially
those summer days when I'd grind thinking and overthinking on how to be better than yesterday.
How can I help/contribute/make myself valuable to the team? All of those ideas continued running
through my head day after day, and I believed I was going to die from overthinking about nothing;
even my parents noticed. With all of these valued events and lovely times, I forgot about them
because I was blinded by what coach said or did, which is in the past.

With all of these cherished experiences and beautiful moments I forgot about them because I was
blinded by what coach said or did which is in the past back then it hurt a lot I don't even know but
when you forget about it and remember how grateful all of what coach has done Now that I've
cleared the one I was referring to in the past,

Now that I've cleared the one in the past, I'd like to refer to three events that occurred: the first was
when you texted me, which surprised me because I thought I'd never see you again; I was happy tho
missed your cooking, but I left after the trip was completed without any reasonable explanation, and I
apologize for that; the second was when I saw you and the others during the winter season, and I had
mixed feelings about chatting again, but I swallowed whatever emotion I had and approached you

Two, when I saw you and the others during the winter season, I had mixed feelings about chatting
again, but I swallowed whatever emotion I had and approached you because it was late past my
curfew, and I apologize for not coming to greet any of you sooner out of fear of embarrassment in
public with what I had already done, and I find it really loving and funny that I jumped on y'all like I
was a baby happy to her old friends, and three, the third has more to

The third has more to do with the other party than with me, but I have to apologize for that as well
because, first and foremost, it was none of my business to intervene in any of the matters at hand
that have occurred between any of you, and secondly, responding and adding whatever I felt jumped
out because I was in my healing phase and I am healed don't worry this is just one of the things that
deep down I wanted to say and do for over 4 years now, but what I wanted to know is

But what I wanted to say is that even if you thought I was going through something, I truly appreciate
all of you for being kind and nice about it even if I wasn't good at expressing my feelings so wasn't
worried about being misunderstood but it wasn't fair of me to side with someone who I barely even
talked to meanwhile I didn't even think to ask the main people if they were involved in any of it or if it
was true so I apologize for any pain or doubt I

But what I wanted to say is that even if you thought I was going through something, I truly appreciate
all of you for being kind and nice about it even if I wasn't good at expressing my feelings so wasn't
worried about being misunderstood but it wasn't fair of me to side with someone who I barely even
talked to meanwhile I didn't even think to ask the main people if they were involved in any of it or if it
was true so I apologize for any pain or doubt I
So I apologize for causing you any anguish or uncertainty in the past, which was unnecessary and
stupid of me. I won't beg forgiveness, implore you to forget the past, or ask for a second chance since
I don't expect things to return to normal.