ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMTN'S STUDIES,

vol 24, NO.2, 159-t 82

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Not a mother, yet a woman: Exploring experiences of

women opting out of motherhood in lndia
Chandni BHAMBHANI and Anand INBANATHAN
lnstitute for Social and Economic Change, Bangalore. lndia

ABSTRACT
Motherhood is a role and institution that defines a woman's identity and
provides her adult status in lndian society. A girl, from her childhood, is
socialized to be a future mother and reproducer of the family. ln this context.
when a woman is not a mother, either by circumstance or choice, she is
deemed as "incomplete" with a "deviant' identity. This paper analyzes the
experiences of women who defy such structurally embedded notions of
womanhood and redefine their identity beyond the institution of
motherhood. Explorinq the experiences of twelve childfree women in some
cities of lndia, this paper examines their reasons for opting out of
motherhood. The intricacies of each narrative reflect the complexity of
arriving at any generalization on what makes women forgo motherhood.
Nonetheless, the unwillingness to embrace the role of motherhood at the
cost of losing their freedom and the urge to pursue personal desires emerge
as predominant reasons along with other motivations.

KEYWoRDS Childfreedom; womanhood; motherhood; choice; experience

lntroduction
Reproduction is the source of human existence, family and society. But, para-
doxically, the responsibility to "reproduce" is accorded lesser value than to
"produce" (Ortner, I972; Week,2011). Such disproportionate value assign-
ment to productive and reproductive roles emanates, justifies, and reinforces
conventional gendered division of roles. This, in turn, underlies the male-
breadwinner and female-caretaker family model, which continues to cloud
family structure despite women's participation in the labor force (Boris &
Lewis, 2006). ln spite of contributing to the "productive" market and gradually
climbing career trajectories and, in some cases, even shattering the invisible
glass ceiling, women in lndia largely derive identity via their traditional
roles of being "good" wives and mothers (Poggendorf-Kakar, 2001, p. 134).
The inordinate emphasis on women's mothering role not only makes it a

CONTACT Chandni BHAMBHANI @ chandnibhambhanil4€&mail.com

6 2016 Asian Center for Women's Studiet Ewha Womant Universily
160 o C. BHAMBHANI AND A. INBANATHAN

"compulsion."l but also generates the conditions for "good" mothering, which
often makes working women feel guilty for not being "good" mothers. Such
deep-rooted cultural notions surrounding women's identity and its inevitable
association with motherhood, constitute the lived experiences of women in
lndia. ln fact, these have the profound effect of molding women's perspective
regarding their own identities, as well as augmenting the notion of woman-
hood vis-d-vis motherhood.
livhat, for you, is the essence of b€ing a woman?" is a question that was
posed to an iconic lndian actress, Sushmita Sen, on the platform of the Miss
Universe pageant in 1994. Her reply was, "The origin of a child is a mother
and is a womon [emphasis added]" (Tayag, 2017). A similar response "a
rnother lemphasis added] deserves the highest respect" from the Miss
World Winner of 20'17, Manushi Chillar, to the question: which profession
according to her deserved the highest salary Vikas, 2017), reflects the central-
ity of motherhood in the thought processes of women. The first response con-
notes that "woman" is the creator of life, consequently unraveling the intense
stigmatization appended to women who are childless. The second response
illustrates the unpaid nature of motherhood and the asymmetrical parental
responsibilities largely fulfilled by women, almost denouncing them for
being unable to discharge their roles appropriately. ln this context, when a
woman is childless, either due to circumstances (i.e., involuntary childlessness)
or choice (voluntarily childless or childfree), she is looked down upon as a
deviant person (Basten, 2009; Kelly, 2009).
Childlessness is perceived as a curse for women in most South Asian
societies, including lndia (Riessman, 2000; Rouchou, 2013). As the social struc-
ture and notions of family in a pronatalist society such as lndia are built
around having children, not having any is due to circumstances or choice,
while having them is taken for granted. On the one hand, women who are
childless by circumstance are stigmatized for not being able to fulfill their
reproductive function, while on the other, those choosing not to reproduce
are seen to direct their lives away from the social norm of procreation.
Several studies conducted in developed nations show the increasing trend
of childlessness, particularly childfreedom as a lifestyle choice of women of
younger cohorts (Basten,2009; Dye,2008; Gillespie,2000; Tanturri & Mencar-
ini,2008). On similar lines, burgeoning online communities of childfree people
(e.9., child-free by choice in lndia, child-free lndians, reluctant procreators,
etc.) indicate the emerging trend of childfreedom in lndian cities. This
change in attitudes of women is due to ongoing transformations in society.
There are numerous studies focusing primarily on the magnitude and conse-
quences of involuntary childlessness (Fathalla,2002; Ram, 2005; Riessman,
2000; Shivaraya & Halemani, 2007; Unisa, 1999; Widge & Cleland, 2009).
However, little is known about the emerging group of women who choose
to be childfree (Ram, 2005; Ram, 2012). This paper explores the emerging
 ASIAN ]OURNAL OF WOM€N'5 sTUDIES (, 161

phenomenon of childfreedom among women in lndian cities and their

reasons for opting out of motherhood.

Background: The evolving notions of reploduction and

motherhood
The background of the study presents culturally rooted concepts of reproduc-
tion and motherhood and their transformation. The crucial factors directing
these changes range from the impact of modernization and urbanization
on the society and culture, to political and economic factors. The reviewed
literature depicts change in women's attitudes towards their traditional
child-bearing role as a result of the attainment of education and employment,
eventually providing the scope for controlling their own fertility as well as
other intimate decisions.
Motherhood is perceived as core to women's existence as it is connected to
their biology, that is, reproducing potential, thus differentiating a female from
a male. Feminist scholars opine that there is an inordinate emphasis on the
reproductive capacity of women, which confines them to their biology. This
is not considered a 'productive" activity even though it generates labor for
production; it is deemed to be natural and does not yield any exchange
value, whereas men's "productive" activity is acknowledged because of its
market value (Ortner, 1972; Week, 2ol't). Women, from early childhood, are
molded within the patriarchal structure to be future nurturers, without ques-
tioning the male-female, productive-reproductive dichotomy.
A childbearing career is an essential part of an adult woman's life, dictated
by cultural values and so the failure to conceive minimizes her status as a
woman (Jeffery, Jeffery, & Lyon, 1989). A "true'woman in lndian society is
defined as "one who pleases her husband, gives birth to a male child, and
never speak back to her husband" (Bhattacharji, 1990, p. 5'l). The construc-
tion of a woman's identity in terms of motherhood in this pronatalist
society has roots in ancient yedl literature. The purpose of women, as exem-
plified in the Monusmriti,3 is to procreate. They should thus be worshipped
because they are the "house of light" (Bhattacharji, 1990, p. 53), embodiment
of goddesses, such as Durga, Shakti, Laxmi and so on. Such notions were glor-
ified during the lndian nationalist movement (mid-l9th and 20s centuries).
The nationalists conceived and viewed lndia as a "sacred mother" to be safe-
guarded from the influence of westernization, which sought greater control
over women. ln order to preserve such sanctified motherhood, women
were kept out of education and employment. However, within the nationalist
movement, social reformers such as the Raja Ram Mohan Roy (1772-1833)'
lshwar Chand Mdyasagar (1820-1891), Maharshi Karve (1858-1962), and
others, tried to abolish certain undesirable cultural practices against women
and educated them. Lala Lajpat Rai (1915) advocated the entitlement of
162 o C. BHAMEHANI AND A. INBANATHAN

women to the highest education on the condition they give up studies at the
age of sixteen to fulfill the obligation of getting married and attaining mother-
hood. The restriction on women working outside the home to keep them free
from all anxieties and pecuniary cares was also emphasized (Rai, 191 5). Resist-
ance against this patriarchal imposition of motherhood has been expressed in
the form of epic stories and the purunas o( ancient texts (Bhattacharji, 1990).
The woman's body, seen as that of a future mother, focuses attention
towards post-structuralism, which encourages recognition of the body not
merely as material acculturation but also mediated by language: by meta-
phors and semantic Arids that organize and animate our perceptions and
experiences. We read our bodies through various interpretive schemes
(Bordo, 1993). Thus, a maternal body is an outcome of interpretations, reinter-
pretations and discourses, and not just biology. ln a society that has had con-
stant social, political and economic transformations, the notion of
motherhood continues to evolve through reinterpretations by women them-
selves as well as society.
The shift from extended to nuclear families, as well as better education and
employment opportunities for women, transformed the condition of women,
providing them autonomy over their bodies and lives (Jejeebhoy, 1992; Kapur,
'1974). Nevertheless, the majority of women still live without control over their
own lives due to varied reasons such as the lack of awareness, accessibility
and affordability. Empowerment strategies have stressed emancipation of
such sections of women and in future greater positive outcomes are antici-
pated. The other side of the women's empowerment story, however, displays
women being entangled between traditional and conventional roles (Narayan
& Bhardwaj, 2005; Rani & Darolia, 201 1). The family-career dichotomy has led
to a change in the image of a woman, which runs contrary to the traditional
norm of an "ideal woman." Glorification of motherhood pressures women to
be "good" as opposed to "bad" mothers, for instance, if they do not breast-
feeda their children, spend adequate time with them, and give more impor-
tance to work than their families. lndra Nooyi (Chairperson and Chief
Executive Officer of PepsiCo) in an interview said she was considered a
"bad" mother for being unable to attend the weekly meetings at her daugh-
te/s school (Friedersdorf, 2014). Other such instances of iconic lndian women
(Kochhar, 2016) bear witness to the everyday struggles ofwork and family that
are faced even by highly successful women in a pronatalist society. lncreasing
nuclearization of families has further increased women's burden as they
become the main caretakers, without the childcare support previously pro-
vided by kin (5ingh, 2009). The prevalence of childtentered nuclear families,
which place emphasis on a woman's child-rearing role, strengthens the idea
of not fulfilling one's womanhood by not embracing motherhood. Due to cir-
cumstances or choice, women who do not become mothers, are forever made
to justiry their existence.
 ASIAN JOURNAL Of WOMEN's STUDIES O 163

Circumstantial childlessness and/or choosing childfreedom

Childlessness refers to the state of a person (or couple) who does not have any
children. Although single people can be childless, the dominant discourse.
particularly in lndia, acknowledges this for those in relationshiPs (typically in
a marriage as live in relationships are yet to gain social and legal acceptance
in lndia). Childlessness is a complex issue, which can be characterized as an
amalgamation of biological, social, economic, and environmental factors
(Letherby & Catherine, 1999). Reasons for childlessness vary, depending on
any ofthese factors or their combination. There are those who are biologically
unable to have children (involuntary childlessness), are temporarily childless,
or are intentionally and permanently childless (childfree) (Park, 2005). lnvolun
tary childlessness includes couples who are unable to have children; those
able to have children but have not had successful pregnancies; and those
who may have unfortunately lost their children.
Around 8-10 percent couples around the world have difficulty in conceiv-
ing at some point of their lives, amounting to 50 to 80 million people (WHO,
'1991). The magnitude of childlessness in lndia is estimated to be around 2.5
percent, based on NFH55-3 data (Shivaraya & Halemani,2007). lt is, however,
difficult to presume the trend ofvoluntary childlessness, first, because the esti-
mates are based only on the number of women with no children at the end of
their reproductive lives, and second, as there will often be a mix of voluntary
and involuntary factors leading to childlessness (Chancey & Dumais,2009).
This highlights the fact that childless men are not taken into account and
childlessness is largely attributed to women although in about half the
cases, men may have been responsible (Riessman,2000; Widge & Cleland,
2OO9). Besides, studies on childlessness in lndia have primarily investigated
the social, psychological and economic consequences of involuntary child-
lessness (Daar & Merali,2oO2; Fathalla,2OO2; Rouchou,20l3; Unisa, 1999),
which leaves voluntary childlessness an underexplored subject. lt is, therefore,
difficult to draw any inference from existing literature and trace the trend of
childfreedom6. This reflects strong pronatalist norms in lndia, which have
directed academic research largely towards understanding childlessness by
circumstance.
Awareness of voluntary childlessness is a fairly recent phenomenon in
lndia, as reported by several newspapers/magazines and blogs. Samar
(2011) wrote a news piece expressing resentment about the criticism he
and his wife faced for making the choice to be childfree, as it is expected
across all strata of lndian society that once a couple marries, they are duty-
bound to procreate, and if they do not do so within a few years of marriage,
they may be considered "secretly gay, infertile, impotent or indeed, all of the
aforementioned." Walker (2014) compiles a list of reasons young, urban lndian
couples have to remain childfree; Negi (2015) in her blog explicitly writes how
r64 O c. sHAMBHANTAND A. TNBANATHAN

women who choose to be childfree still have to deal with the belief that they
are childless, as women are supposedly born to be mothers. Gupta (20'17) pre-
sents a comprehensive account of the challenges faced by an anonymous
woman who chose to reject motherhood and lead a childfree life in Indian
society. A few academic writings have also mentioned the subdued voices
of women who have voluntarily opted not to become mothers. Riessman
(2000), who researched the stigma and resistance strategies of childless
women in South lndia, presents the experiences of at least three voluntarily
childless women in a sample of 31 married childless women and was
perhaps the first researcher to have brought out the voices of childfree
lndian women. Edited anthologies by Misra (2013) and Bhattacharya (2014)
depict narratives centered around various aspects of the unconventional life
of a childfree woman. The focus of these work, however, was not solely on
childlessness by choice.
ln the last 30 years, various studies on childlessness by choice have exam-
ined the characteristics of the voluntarily childless; their reasons and motiv-
ations, risks, prevalence, stigmatization, coping strategies and other
associated aspects. These have been undertaken largely in Europe and
America, including North America (Basten,2009). Some countries in Asia
such as Japan, South Korea, China and Singapore, where the fertility rates
have been dropping, are simultaneously witnessing considerable increase in
the magnitude of childlessness by choice, and researchers have tried to
analfze the reasons underlying the choices made by those individuals who
do not wish to procreate, as this demographic transition projects a near
future image of a growing elderly population and shrinking younger gener-
ation (Jolivet, 1997; Li, Pltiss, & Kwok-bun, 2013; Yang & Rosenblatt, 2OO8;
Zhang,2017\. Family values in these Asian countries revolve around continu-
ing familial, community and social legacies through procreation and, hence,
being childless by choice goes against the norm. Research on childlessness
by choice in the West, has also focused on attitudes towards individuals, par-
ticularly women, who choose to be childfree.
Childfree women are ponrayed as possessing characteristics that stand in
contrast to those who are'temporarily childless,' i.e., those who want to have
children in the future or want to have them but are unable to do so for phys-
iological reasons. These women are depicted as less traditional and conven-
tional in their gender roles, less religious, more selfrentered, and are
financially stable (Basten, 2009). Transformation in the attitudes of women
regarding choices such as delaying conception and choosing childfreedom,
indicates the impact of several factors. Higher educational attainment and
enhanced labor force participation have been found to be crucial in changing
women's family preferences (Angeles, Guilkey, & Mroz, 2003; Jejeebhoy, 1996).
It has also resulted in a rise in the average age at marriage. Banerjee (2006)
reveals that a delay in marriage contributes substantially to a reduction in
 ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN's sTUDIES O' 165

fertility rates by decreasing the number of reproductive years in a woman's

life. ln lndia. where the legitimacy of a child is derived from the parents'
marital status, a rise in age at marriage is correspondingly leading to fewer
children (Banerjee, 2006). ln addition, knowledge of and access to technol
ogies such as contraception and abortion have provided women with
greater control over their bodies and lives, thus leading to more say in
decisions regarding childbirth, delayed conception, and spacing between chil
dren. Thus there is a matrix of interwoven factors underlying the reduced
desire to have children.
Several scholars assert that childfreedom opens new ways for women to
rediscover their identities, simultaneously providing them scope to deal
with the biological and reproductive bases of suppression. For women who
are not mothers the paths of identity development increase when they do
not have to be identified as opposed to men, but as both similar and truly
different (lreland, 1993). By rejecting and resisting dascourses that conflate
femininity with motherhood, childfree women create new discourses that
can subvert and transform constructions of femininity (Gillespie, 2000;
Basten, 2009; Kelly, 2009).
The studies reviewed above are mostly of western societies where women
have considerable liberty and autonomy because of their higher educational
and employment status. A similar phenomenon is slowly emerging in the
lndian metropolitan cities, where highly educated and working women are
choosing childfreedom. Ram (2005) who has analyzed childlessness in lndia
over two decades (1981-2001) indicates that its rise can be partly attributed
to people voluntarily opting for it. She also projects an increase in the
number of childfree couples in the future, given growing aspirations and
changes in lifestyles. The online associations of childfree couples (such as
child-free by choice in lndia, child-free lndians, reluctant procreators and
others) are providing platforms for identifying and interacting with like-
minded people, mainly in the lndian metropolitan cities, as reported by
Basten (2009). ln addition, Nandy's research (2013) on the 'outliers of mother-
hood' questions the notions of agenry, autonomy and subject of women who
choose not to have children, and/or are at an ambivalent stage about doing
so. ln a similar vein, by exploring a range of issues, this study aims to gain
understanding of childfree women's experiences. This paper specifically ana-
lfzes the reasons articulated by childfree women in shaping their choices to
forgo motherhood.

Methodology
This study utilized a grounded theory approach to seek insights into the emer-
ging phenomenon of childfreedom in lndian cities. To explore participants'
emic perspective on their decision to make such choices, an exploratory
i66 O c. BHAMEHANTAND A. TNBANATHAN

research design was adopted. The flexibility and pragmatism ofan exploratory
research design, in combination with a grounded theory approach, facilitated
adjustment according to field circumstances and requirements. Glaser and
Strauss (1967, p.3) argued that the researcher "must have a perspective
that will help him see the relevant data and abstract significant categories
from his scrutiny of data" rather than beginning from a theory. This study
has been done within the context of the values associated with reproduction
and motherhood and, at the same time, the stigma asso(iated with not repro-
ducing. However, the exploratory nature of the study provided space for the
emergence of unseen perspectives that may have been initially overlooked.
The process of simultaneous data collection and analysis prescribed by
grounded theory methodology provided the opportunity to go back and
forth between the data already collected and what was yet to be collected.
A semi-structured interview guide was used and this was revised during
data collection, depending on emerging themes. lndepth interviews of
twelve childfree women were conducted in Mayoctober, 2014. The data
were analyzed using open, axial and selective coding, which constitute the
three steps of grounded theory analysis.

Study area
To start with, Mumbai was selected as the proposed area for the study as
this is a city of hope and aspirations, with a wide array of opportunities,
because of which it lures people, especially of the younger generation
from different parts of the country to fulfill their dreams. ln turn, this has
also led to nuclear households, wherein couples become the sole
decision-makers of their lives, away from their natal families. Mumbai was
thus presumed to be a suitable area to understand the phenomenon of
childfreedom. However, the challenges that would emerge by restricting
the area for such an exploratory study to a single city were not anticipated.
lnadequate data sources on women who chose to be childfree made it
extremely difficult to find participants within the city. Therefore, women
who reported being childfree were approached to participate in the
study, regardless of where they lived. The flexibility offered by an explora-
tory research design made it convenient to expand the area without com
promising on the rigor of the research. Among twelve participants, seven
were from Mumbai, three from Chennai, and one each from pune and
Vadodara.
The participants of the study were selected through theoretical sampling,
as the purpose of grounded theory methodology is to develop a peEpective
that responds to the ground (or field) reality. We sought to reduce the gap
between theoretical assumptions and field reality of childfree women,
which cannot be achieved through statistical sampling, which fixes a
 ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN'5 STUDIES O 167

sample size and makes generalizations about the population, based on the
characteristics of the sample. ln the grounded theory approach, sampling is
an emerging process, driven by the analysis of the collected data, while we
identified the participants in keeping with field conditions.
Given the major challenges of the study for identifyinq appropriate par-
ticipants, because of an inadequate data source, online platforms, such as
Child Free by Choice lndia, Reluctant Procreators etc. provided initial link
for contacting childfree women. These contacts then provided references
to other such women, eventually giving it a form of referral via snowball
sampling. The participants of the study, however, were purposively
selected, based on the following criteria: (i) they should be married, (ii)
they should reside in an urban setting, and (iii) they should define them
selves as childfree by choice. The participants belonged to different socio-
economic backgrounds, sharing the common experience of being childfree'
Their ages ranged from 23 to 44 years (M =34-5\ and they had been
married for an average of 6.6 years. One participant had a bachelor's
degree, one a Ph.D, and the rest had master's degrees Participants were
predominantly engaged in professional and managerial occupations'
Three women were self-employed, two were planning to start their own
enterprises at the time of the interviews and had been engaged in manage-
rial positions in the past. The high educational levels and occupations of
the participants of this study resonated with the attrlbutes of childfree
women, as identified by other studies (Basten,2009; Gillespie,2000; Tan-
turri & Mencarini, 2oo8). Also, the urban location of these participants
was in tune with findings of similar studies in Asia (Jolivet, 1997; Li,
Pluss, & Kwok-bun, 2013; Yang & Rosenblatt, 2008), which illustrates that
large cities perhaps provide more anonymity and tolerance for varied
family forms. All but one of the participants were Hindus, the lone excep-
tion being a Sikh. Eight participants were married of their own choice to
men of different religions and faiths, while in three cases, the partners
had been chosen by parents with the consent of the participants' We prom-
ised confidentiality, hence, pseudonyms are used and no details are
included here that may disclose their identities.

Findings
The choice to be childfree progresses through the course of reasoning and
rationalization and individual choices were not made in isolation' Rather,
they were made within a certain social context. Making a choice rests on
one's motives, values, beliefs and purpose in life. ln turn, these are shaped
by personal experience and the lives of others. The six major emerging
themes that illustrated our participants' motives, values, bellefs and purposes
are presented here.
168
o C. sHAMEHANI AND A. INEANATHAN

Conhonting selfish rcasons for having children

The purpose of having children lies in the values associated with them. The
motive to have children primarily represents a combination of economic,
emotional, religious and social reasons (Hoffman, 1973/1977). ln order to
explain the choice not to reproduce, the participants of the study shared
their reasons. As Chetna said (Personal communication, August 'l'1, 2014):
"lsn't it selfish to have children because you see people around and they
are so child obsessed." The obsession to have children makes childfree
women review what motivates people to have children.
The view that Kaanti expressed carried forward Chetna's assertion:

I think it's really selfish to have kids for that reason [for providing old age 5ecur-
ityl. Even my dad says the same thing, like'kids are not your servants and they
don't owe you anything.'So ifyou want to have kids, it should come out of your
true something [desire] ... ldon'twant to have kidsjust to have someone to take
care of me in my old age. And who knows whether the kids will take care of me,
anyway. So, it's not a guarantee ... they are not retirement plans or anything of
the kind (Personal communication, september 2,2014).

By illustrating expectations of parents that are woven into certain motives to

be fulfilled by children, Kaanti confronted the core meaning of parenthood.
Furthermore, Tanu's outlook advanced to the level of questioning the very
motivation for undenaking parenthood:

I think people who want children are intrinsically selfish. There has to be some
amount ofselfishness. To love, to hold we want something [a child] ... why can't
you love and hold some other small kid lan adopted child]? I think they are a bit
selfish, not just selfish but very selfish. Because, when you talk to such people
and you say you are thinking of adoption, they will say no, no. no, no... (per
sonal communication, )uly 28, 2O1 4],.

The participants, therefore, questioned motivations for having children. The

need for a biological child to fulfill their maternal instinct appeared to be a
pretense regarding the core meaning of motherhood for some participants.
Some even raised questions on the innate nature of the maternal instinct
by asserting that if women were biologically determined to be affectionate
to children, they should be able to establish the mother-child bond with
any child, not necessarily the one they give birth to. This in turn led them
introspect their nurturing instinct, which for them went beyond the maternal
instinct.

Manifesting nurturcr instinct

Growing up in a culture that provides women with the social script for per-
forming a caring and nurturing role, the participants demonstrated a form
of the nurturing instinct despite being childfree. Participants considered
 ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN',S STUDIES @ 169

their urge to nurture on par with the maternal urge. Such instincts of childfree
women is fulfilled by caring, being affectionate and nunuring other beings
but not necessarily children. For instance, the presence of pets in the lives
of most of the participants was a noteworthy phenomenon. ln fact, some of
them said that their pets in a way were their children. Chetna, who has a
pet dog, shared this view, "... we got the dog and we are responsible for
her and she is in some way like a child, you know, except there is no expec
tation from her." (Personal communication, August I'1,20'14). Similarly, Meera
who is an animal activist and runs a cat shelter, articulated her expe(ience of
living with cats,

... whatever is inside me [maternal instinct], lcan shower it on my pets. I have

ten pet cats. I shower my love on them... they reciprocate better than any
human being. They don't blame you for anything, they are not unhappy with
you if [you] don't fulfill their expectations. they don't taunt you by asking why
did you bring us into this world? And their love is so unconditional " lt i' so
pure because it is without any expectation (Pe6onal communication, Septem-
ber 19,2014).

Expectations of fulfilling one's needs and aspirations dilute the core of parent-
hood according to Meera, which is not the case with pets.She further added:
"l found that having a pet is a much more worthy experience than having a
bab/ (Personal communication, September 19, 2014). Although she had
never experienced having children, but on seeing the experience of others
who did, led her to prefer rearing pets rather than children. Pets in a way
are preferred companions for these childfree women, as others also said
they wanted to spend time and energy on caring for and loving animals
rather than babies.
For some participants, p€ts fulfilled their nurturing and caring needs, while
for others like Tara their relationships with peers was equivalent to the
bonding between a mother and her children. She said:

lfind that lget a lot of.ioyalso apart from a lolof dukh and dord lagony and painl
in my othei mothering relations which I have...l have super juniors, friends'
friends of friends, neighboE, family members, including my own ageing
mother now, okay... I am very happy with these kinds of [mothering relations]'
and being mother to a new program, some new intervention, new team
(Per-
members ... And I don't think that I need to do this biological motherhood
sonal communication, October 10, 20'14).

Similarly, Harshita said she had three 'children,' which included her pets and
mother-in-law: 'she [mother-in-law] is like our kid ... [she] is the most difficult
to handle of them all" (Personal communication, August 1, 2014)' Tara and
Harshita have found means to satisry mothering roles in their other relation-
ships. These have provided them with contentment and in fact helped them
in making the choice to be childfree. Allthese relationships involved a certain
1to o C. BHAMBHANI AND A, INBANATHAN

degree of love, affection, and care. But the glorification and idealization of the
mother-child relation often makes women sacrifice their own identities in
order to fulfill their mothering roles perfectly (Krishnaraj, 2010). ln contrast,
these childfree women in a way were redefining motherhood or re-establish-
ing a distinct relationship involving a similar degree of nurturance, care, love
and affection, not with children but with other humans and animals.
Not having children does not, however, imply that childfree women dis-
liked children. Tanu explained: "lt's not that ldon't like kids. I quite like
them as long as they go back home because I get stressed after sometime"
(Personal communication, 28th )uly,2O14\. Chetna, who had volunteered to
take care of children for an NGO working for victims of domestic violence,
said: "1 like kids, lam very good with kids. I have worked with kids. But I
never wanted to have children of my own, I don't know why" (Personal com
munication, August I1,2014). Acquainted with handling children, Chetna did
not have the urge to procreate because she was content with the life she
already had and hence did not want to have her own biological children.
The reluctance to have children for these women was a matter of personal
choice, rather than dictated by the social environment that projects mother
hood as an inevitable undertaking in women's lives. Their narratives illustrated
how the institution of motherhood and the joys it brings, also brings several
unspoken agonies that often gets shrouded in the motherhood mystique.

Questioning the sandity of mothehood

From the biology of women, to the socially acclaimed attainment of
womanhood, motherhood is regarded asa milestone in a woman's life.
The embodiment of womanhood is weighed in relation to motherhood
(Bhattacharji, 1990; Jeffery et al., 1989; Krishnaraj, 2010). Such dominant cul-
tural discourses are deeply ingrained in women through socialization. The
extensive literature on the importance associated with the notion of
motherhood clearly indicates its sanctity, which, if challenged, provokes
resentment. Participants of this study attempted to debunk the dominant
discourse by sharing the usually unexpressed travails that accompany the
joys associated with motherhood. As Kavita remarked (Personal communi-
cation, September 26, 2014\:

lam sure they [referring to acquaintances who are mothers] were joyous about
motherhood. But that Uoy of motherhoodl narrative we hear often. The pro-
blems of mothe.hood and travails of motherhood, we hardly hear. We are not
allowed to talk about them.

Considering themselves as 'non-conformists' and 'outliers,' these childfree

women tried to shed light on unrevealed facets of motherhood. Further,
they noted that despite the immense misery woven into the blissful
 171
ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN'S STUDIES @

experience of motherhood, its institutionalization impelled women to

bear its
her children'
agonies too. Having seen her mother sacrifice her life to bring up
Malvika (Personal communication, May 29,2014) explains:
you
Ihad seen my mom working extremely hard to bring up all of us ln a sense'
mothe/s life like, you have to cook for the kids, and you have to
know what a is
take care of all their needs ...

The unequal burden of child-rearing falling on women intensified

the dubious
put
nature of the conventional divinity of motherhood' Kavita sarcastically
just given birth' 'so
forth another view: '... once I asked a friend who had
how's life?'and she said 'from whole to hole' You are feeding the baby' clean
ing the shit and so she is like'moving from whole to hole"'(Personal com

munication, SePtember 26, 20'l 4).

Witnessing the experiences of their family members and acquaintances'
the participa;ts questioned the value of motherhood, which in a way tied
the entire identity of a woman to her mothering role' As they were not
pros and cons'
involved in motherhood, they were able to reflect on its
thus questioning the glorification surrounding it lt provided them
with a plat-
mothers'
form to rationalize the choices they had made by not becoming
Thus, getting acquainted with the travails of motherhood through her
bring-
motheis experience, Malvika said:, "1 do not want to dedicate my life to
up another body [a childl. I have always wanted to use my life to doing'
ing
29th May'
lf,".nging, helping many lives, if lcan" (Personal communication'
2014).
partici-
Separating the entanglement of womanhood and motherhood'
differentiating "womanhood" from
pants indicaied their inclination towards
imotherhood." Women are socialized from their childhood to be future nur-
of takinq
turers. Looking after their siblings, they imbibe the characteristics
love' They are
up responsibility for others with utmost care, empathy and
needs Sharing their
taught to fulfill their siblings' wants before their own
opp,-osition to such socially and culturally disseminated
norms' they tried to
prolect their own perspective. Chetna confronted women who were unable
io iee themselves as women and not just mothers (Personal communication'
August 11, 2014):
a mother "' lt's
... you [women] are not able to go beyond the identity of being
going to be very hard for folk later if your identity as a mother is so stronq'
point your
i*"rt" ,t some poin! your kids are going to move out; at some
point' you
soralled obligations towards everybody will be over' and at some
forget as a mother'
will even havi to question your identity as a woman,
them-
The participants pointed out that women who are unable to visualize
middle of an identity
selves in roles other than those of mothers were in the
crisis. Exploring deeper and realizing "self" away from glorified
maternal
112
o C, BHAMBHANI AND A.INBANATHAN

roles would emancipate women, as articulated by Chetna. This raised the

concern regarding the true emancipation that cannot be solely attained
via higher education and employment, unless they realize and seek aspira-
tions that go beyond traditional roles. This does not imply that traditional
roles deny or prevent their emancipation, rather it means that self-realiz-
ation of their identities was vital to being women, regardless of mother-
hood. Thus, by questioning the sanctity of motherhood, the participants
were in a way redefining womanhood, which has been intrinsically tied to
motherhood for ages.

Unwillingness to bear a lifetime commitment

The responsibility that follows reproduction requires unlimited commitment.
Familial and societal expectations create a social script that prescribes the dos
and don'ts of childbearing and rearing. The question of the sanctity of
motherhood highlights the travails that accompany the institution of mother-
hood due to its adherence to socially defined roles. ln the process of making
the choice to avoid having children, these women admitted that they were
unwilling to bear a lifetime commitment by reproducing, which Tanu clarified
as follows:

Having children needs a lot of stamina and you really need to be absolutely in
love with the kid to be able to stand by him the entire day. Children are nice,
very sweet, but yeah, ifs tiring. it's a tiring business ... there is too much of
work I think we are lazy people.

The traditionally assigned role for parents is burdensome, considering the

present social structure. The nuclear household places an enormous burden
on women as primary caretakers of children in most families. Harshita,
through the experiences of her acquaintances, shared this view, "l have
seen a lot of women struggling to have kids. After having them, they find it
diffcult to balance their home life and work life. That's when they stan resent-
ing the children."
Women often become mothers without anticipating the kind of responsi-
bility that comes with child-bearing and rearing. Often, it becomes unma-
nageable for them to handle, and convincingly fulfill the expectations and
obligations required of mothers, which invokes feelings of resentment and
guilt. The fear of non-fulfillment of maternal responsibilities is evident in
Shikha's articulation: "lf you know that you will not be able to fulfill the com-
mitment that accompanies having children, then you don't have a right to
give birth to anyone" (Personal communication, September '18, 2014).
Gaining parenting experience from acquaintances, the participants'
decision to be childfree was further strengthened, as their awareness about
gendered roles and responsibilities associated with parenthood crystallized.
Shikha said (Personal communication, September 18, 2014):
 AS|AN JOURNAL OF WOUel',S STUOIES @ tz:

am actually tired. lf I look back I have been working since the eighth
stan-dard' I
I
need a break... lt's befter if lgo to an orphanage or a kid's center and lwillwork
for children.l don't know about my own child; as ofnow ldon't know if lwillever
have my own kid.

The extensive responsibilities Shikha had did not give her the time
to take a
break from her work to conceive. This highlighted the concern of declining
ela-
family and community support for child rearing' Kavita's argument further
boraied this point "l think there are no support structures from acquired
relationships. I have only moved around in acquired relationships' and
Thus' there
because of all these things you are also not ready for a child'"
women were not prepared to
were various reasons because of which these
undertake motherhood. Lack of social support systems and the apprehension
reinforced
that they would be unable to futfill maternal roles appropriately'
the participants' choices to remain childfree.

Freedom to lollow their own pursuits

Unwilling to commit themselves to bring up child may also have been linked
a
in
to the a;xiety of losing one's freedom. The prospect of getting entangled
particiPants to choose childfreedom' ln
motherhood acted as a push factor for
desired' acted
contrast, the merit of rejoicing in the liberty of doing what they
as a pull factor for choosing childfreedom' Their narratives indicated the
to
importance they attached to their freedom, which they were reluctant
lose by becoming mothers. Harshita, whose interests included travelling
1' 2014):
and cooking vegan delicacies, said (Personal communication, August
The
Actually, we travel often, and so we don't know when and where we will be
best part is that we have so much freedom to explore things we want to' Like
vegan-
right now, the kind of time I have been putting on this website [to spread
is"ml, it would not have been possible if I had a kid ' l would not have been able
of personal interests to this extent if there were children to
to pursue any my
attend to.
to fulfill her
Thus, for Harshita entering motherhood meant losing the freedom
interests and aspirations. Tanu expressed a similar unwillingness to
lose her

freedom (Personal communication, July 28, 2014\:

ldon't particularly crave to be a mom. I mean no offence to other women-That's

up to them ... I realize that having children results in a lot of work There
is so
there is so much more one
much more freedom and flexibility without them;
can do.
at
Thus, it was inconceivable for these women to even think of having children
the cost of losing the liberty to pursue their own interests' Tara's statement
illustrates the essence of the participants' push and pull factors to remain
childfree. She said: "l just cannot imagine having children, lcan't imagine
r74 O c. sHAMBHANTAND A. TNBANATHAN

depriving myself of my freedom to do everything that I do. Pregnancy is defi-

nitely no, lcan't imagine that situation".

Specific attributes for the choice of childfreedom

Apart from the aforementioned reasons, there were specific circumstances in

the lives of some participants that inclined them towards choosing childfree-
dom. The intricacies of these specific cases could not be clubbed together
under a separate category. Hence, selected individual cases that exhibited dis-
tinct reasons for the choices they made to remain childfree are illustrated
here.
Meera decided to remain childfree because of her childhood experience.
She was the oldest of three children and witnessed her parents regretting
the birth of two daughters. This made her feel guilty for ruining her
parents'lives, as they had to struggle hard to bring up three children.
Having seen her mother spend her entire life worrying about children, she
decided not to carry this experience forward by having children. She said (Per-
sonal communication, September 1 9, 201 4\:

I understand that you were not born by choice. Your parents decided and then
you came into this world. But it is up to you [me] to decide whether you want to
bring one more life like that [referring to an unwanted child]. So at least we can
stop this at ourselves, and not pass it on to the next generation.

Kavita's case presents another peculiar instance. She intentionally delayed her
marriage due to the act of procreation tied to it. She got manied at the age of
40 but had earlier been in a long-term relationship. She admitted that even
during her earlier relationship, she had never craved a biological child. She
is now close to reaching menopause and remarked (Personal communication,
September 26, 2014):

Now it's possible even women who haye reached menopause can also try
having a biological child. 8ut I am not interested in disturbing my body to
that leveland I do notthink there is any particularvalue to a biologicalchild any-
where. I dont think my genes or his genes are so precious that they need to be
continued further.

Although the alternative of adoption has always been there, she had chosen
to remain childfree as the couple felt content with each other and did not feel
the urge to reproduce. The specific nuances of these cases characterize the
complexity involved in forgoing motherhood. Women questioned the
desire to not merely pass on their own biology, but also the experiences
that one regretted having undergone and accordingly made their decisions.
An awareness of what one may pass on to another person as a mother,
further reinforced the choices made by some research participants to be child-
free. Such subjective experiences of childfree women displayed their varied
reasons for making their choices, and in turn facilitating their firm realization.
 ASIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN'S STUDIES 175
@

Discussion
The women's reasons for choosing childfreedom have been discussed here in
the light of Schick's (1997) decision theory, according to whom a deliberate
choice is made out of the various options available. The oPtions for the par-
ticipants of this study were: having a biological child, adopting a child, and
not having children. The gap between making a choice from various available
alternatives, and executing it required certain motivational factors that
inclined them towards a particular choice. Socialized in a culture where
reproduction constituted a strong beliel participants refuted social beliefs
regarding reproducing after they were married. The requirement of reason'
explanation while making a choice, and believing in it is demonstrated by
Schick (1997). Thus, the process of rationalization employed by Participants
exemplified the reason-explanation requirement and simultaneously indi-
cated the reason and rationale for the motivational factors that underlay
their choices.
The rationalizations by participants of their choices were evident from
various assertions made by the women regarding their decisions to remain
childfree. The three themes identified earlier-confronting selfish reasons
for having children, manifesting the nurturing instinct, and questioning the
sanctity of motherhood-comprised their rationalizations. The review of exist-
ing studies indicated the sort of social stigmatization of childfree women as
they were perceived to be selfish, highly career oriented, and merely inter-
ested in fulfilling their own aspirations (Basten,2009; Gillespie,2000; Kelly,
2OO9). By challenging such notions, our participants questioned the selfish-
ness of people who, they alleged, usually have children in order to fulfill
their own pursuits. They perceived the idea of old age security as the chief
motivation for people's desire to have children. Childfree women criticized
such selfish motivations that downPlayed the sanctity of the parent-child
bond. The participants themselves stayed at a distance from their own
parents, and expressed doubts about being able to take care of them when
they became old. These cases did not, however, bring out the need for insti-
tutionalized elderly care in the lndian context, which may need to be
addressed as well.
Participants also challenged peoples' reluctance to adopt children. diluting
the parental instinct, which they perceived to be over and above blood ties.
The selfish motivation of continuing one's lineage prompted people to
have biological children, as some participants said. At the same time, the
mother<hild relationship was glorified to such an extent that for a woman,
none other was considered to be on Par with it (Bhattacharji, 1990; Krishnaraj,
2O1O). Participants expanded the scope of characteristics that defined the
maternal instinct by incorporating relationships that fulfilled their urge for
nurturing. ln order to justify their choices to remain childfree, they questioned
r76 @ c. BHAMBHANTAND A. TNBANATHAN

the way the maternal instinct is defined, merely in terms of having biological
children. Thus, they framed a wider definition of the nurturing instinct com-
pared with the narrowly defined maternal instinct. This incorporated uncondi-
tional love, joy and satisfaction that one gets from various relationships. For
the participants, the fulfilknent of the nurturing instinct was not just linked
to a biological child; rather it could be fulfilled through close ties with pets,
friends, peers and even destitute children.
While manifesting the nurturing instinct other than for their own chil-
dren, the participants questioned the sacred domain of motherhood.
They identified those travails of motherhood that were not mentioned
often. They contested and criticized women who were unable to see them-
selves beyond their mothering role. The narratives of the participants
depicted the way they were redefining themselves beyond their reproduc-
tive capacities. Embarking on a change in the traditional characteristics of
an "ideal woman," they provided instances of characteristics of contempor-
ary women who thoroughly introspected and understood social constructs
before adopting them into their own lives. Be it choice about marriage or
about whether or not to have children, these women examined traditional
norms to
see whether they suited the contemporary context. Schick's
('1997) explanation of thoroughly understanding a belief in order to
affirm one's choice holds good here. By thoroughly observing and compre-
hending the travails of motherhood, which are not always obvious because
of the glorification of maternal roles, the participants justified their
childfreedom.
The primary reasons for choosing childfreedom included these women's
unwillingness to make a lifelong commitment to children and their desire
for the freedom to pursue their own interests. The role of women in reproduc-
tion is predominant, as they are primarily considered to b€ responsible to pass
on traditions to children and preserve the private sphere of life from the
impact of changes (Krishnaraj, 2010; Rai, 1915). Reproduction, however,
entails incredible liabilities and workload, but is still considered to be of
lesser value compared to men's engagement in production that yields
market value (Week, 2011). ln the contemporary context, women are over-
burdened by the dual responsibilities of professional and personal life. The
nuclearization of households has further aggravated the situation. To avoid
such difficulties, the participants of the study expressed apprehensions
about having children. This, in a way, reflects how even in contemporary
society, where women are employed and get paid, the expectation for
them to maintain the private sphere persists. Further introspection on the
responsibility sharing aspect by childfree couples could perhaps unravel an
overlooked facet of the unequal responsibility of parenthood, which falls
largely on women and this may be why they did not want children. Choosing
childfreedom provided these women with the liberty to pursue their own
 177
ASIAN JOURNALOF WOMEN'S STUDIES @

aspirations, because the anxiety of losing one's liberty made them unwilling to
become mothers.
The participants'introspection and understanding of societal notions sur-
rounding reproduction and motherhood was just one part of their narra-
tive. The other included involuntary motivational factors that in a way
have strengthened their convictions to remain childfree' A few women
faced medical complications, which further strengthened their resolve not
to have children. Although these were biological reasons, the choice not
to seek treatment or explore other ways of becoming mothers such as
through adoption was voluntary. This depicted the barely noticeable and
thin line between voluntary and involuntary childlessness that creates the
delusion of involuntary childlessness in a pronatalist society' This is
similar to the "continuum of childlessness" described by Letherby and
Catherine (1999), wherein some women are able to emphatically place
themselves at one or the other end, involuntary or voluntary childlessness'
while others occupied an ambiguous middle terrain. The participants of this
study were able to place themselves at the voluntary end of the conti-
nuum, given their motivations and the decisions they had consciously
made.

Conclusion
The purpose of this study was to explore an emerging social phenomenon
in order to understand the reasons for making a choice that virtually
amounts to contempt for prevalent social norms. The conclusions here
would need to be seen as tentative, inasmuch as they are based on the experi
ences shared by wvelve voluntarily childfree women. Another maior limitation
of this study was the exclusion of the husband's experience in the choice
to
remain childfree. Future research can incorporate the experience of childfree
couples as a unit that can provide insights into men's perceptions on this This
study, however, offers a prelude to identify certain key reasons to remain
childfree. reflects that a conscious choice requires the consideration of
lt
various values, motives and beliefs. The reason-explanation requirement for
believing in a choice corroborates the participants' rationalization of their
own choices. The motivational factors of unwillingness for making a lifetime
commitment, and the desire for freedom to pursue their own careers and
other paths, emerged as reasons to choose childfreedom' These were, in
turn, endorsed by contradicting the selfish intent to have children and the
glorification of the institution of motherhood, which often limits women's
perspective, to considering the maternal instinct as innate and in need of
being substituted by the wider concept of the nurturing instinct' A thorough
examination and understanding of social beliefs facilitated particiPants in
understanding their own beliefs before choosing childfreedom' Also, while
'118 C. BHAMBHANI AND A. INBANATHAN
@

trying to justifr/ their own choices, these voluntarily childfree women ques-
tioned the standard notions regarding the value of children, womanhood
and motherhood.
The emotional, economic and social values associated with having children
have made procreation a strong social expectation. However, with the increas-
ing nuclearization of households and declining familial support for bringing
up children, having children leads to excessive burden and involves a major
opportunity cost for women. The extreme idealization of motherhood vis-A-
vis womanhood made these women choose childfreedom rather than
become substandard parents. By rejecting motherhood, or choosing non-
motherhood, these women in a way redefined womanhood beyond
motherhood.

Notes
I . As illustrated in one of the recent bloqs, 'Motherhood and the work life balance'
(20'17, October 17). Retrieved November 21,2017,frcm https!lfeminisminindia.
com/201 7/ 1 o/ 1 7/ $otherhood-work-life/
2. The oldest and foundational scriptures of Hinduism in the lndian subcontinent
produced approximately during 1500-500 BCE and consisted of hymns and
poems whose interpretations guided the conduct of a person who professed
the Hindu religion or worldview.
3. Manusmriti isan ancient law text of Hinduism relating to civil and criminal law,
marriage and procedural law.
4. The concept of'good" mothering once revolved around feeding formula milk
to infants and in fact it wa5 promoted as being healthy for babies, as demon-
strated by Gabrielle Palmer in her eye-opening book The Politics of Brcostfeed-
ing 0988)- Formula milk eventually took the form of support for working
mothers; gradually making those who did not breastfeed their babies substan-
tially "bad."
5. The National Family Health survey (NFHS) is a large-scale, multi-round, house-
hold survey conducted throughout lndia by using representative samples. The
estimates of childlessness has been taken from the last round of the survey
(i.e., NFHS-3 2005-06) as the estimates of childlessness ftom the recent NFHS
4 (2015-16) were unavailable at the time of writing thi5 paper.
6. This paper uses the te.m "childfree" because the majority of the participants in
this study preferred it to other terms such as those with the suffix "less'(i.e.,
voluntarily childless, childless by choice), which had a negative connotation,
as if lacking something, whereas "childfreedom" signified a conscious choice
made by them.

Acknowledgements
We would like to express gratitude to Proi Sivakami Muthusamy and Proi N. Jayaram
(now retired), Tata lnstitute of Social Sciences CIISS), Mumbai for their suggestions on
the study.
 I
AsIAN JOURNAL OF WOMEN's STUDIES O 179 I
I

Notes on contributols I

chondni BHAMBHANI is a PhD scholar in sociology at the lnstitute for Social and Econ
omic Change, Bangalore, lndia. Her ongoing doctoral research on the lived experience
of childfreedom inlndia and Canada has received support from lndian Council of Social
Science Research, Shastri lndo{anadian lnstitute and Jawaharlal Nehru lvlemorial 1

Fund, New Delhi. Email: chandnibhambhanil 4@gmail.com

Anand INBANAIHAN is Associate Professor, Sociology, lnstitute for Social and Econ-
omic Change, Bangalore, lndia. He has carried out research on Migration. Decentralisa-
tion and Governance, Family, in lndia and also has several publications on these areas
of research. Email: anandinb@gmail.com

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