LAMP Reflection #1: The American Dream

Over the course of this unit, we explored various aspects of the American Dream,

including finances, education, gender, race, relationships and availability of rights. Therefore, the

writing we completed during this unit was focused on comparing and contrasting, or

synthesizing, different perspectives. Throughout this unit, we developed multiple essential

writing skills. For instance, we dissected word choice, by referencing specific phrases, word

connotations, and rhetorical devices. Using the understanding of word choice, we identified

parallels and differences between the diction and phrases used in two sources to compare and

contrast the main ideas asserted in each.

When I was writing my practice synthesis paragraph on “What to the Slave is the Fourth

of July” by Federick Douglass, and “I Hear America Singing” by Walt Whitman, I explored the

tone through word connotation to compare and contrast the main ideas in each source

surrounding liberty. Before writing this paragraph, the perspectives of a slave and a white

American seemed drastically different, but now I can see that analyzing the quotes in more detail

can reveal similar word choice, despite the contrasting tones. I chose to organize evidence from

Whitman’s poem before quotes from Douglass’ speech so that Douglass’ comments around

slavery could disprove Whitman’s American ideals. Therefore, my signal phrases served a

valuable purpose in creating this connection. For instance, when I effectively made the transition

by writing, “Although Douglass reiterates this individual freedom, which was founded during the

country’s independence from Britain, he confronts Americans on the pain they have inflicted on

enslaved people: [. . .].” As a result, synthesis became more straightforward, and the practice has

improved my skills as a reader.

These writing experiences strengthen my American Dream essay on school violence,

because the ability to recognize deliberate word choice from informational texts bolsters my
analysis. For example, when using a piece of evidence describing the mental health

consequences of teasing, I wrote “The author describes the students as “grappling” with mental

illness to highlight that abuse from others reinforce the battle they fight with their own mind,

worsening symptoms of helplessness and despair.” By acknowledging that “grappling” suggests

a fight or struggle, I realized that the author wants to convey the extent of pain caused by mental

illness. As a result, I demonstrated an understanding of the author's intentions and message.

A weakness of my American Dream essay is that someone may have difficulty

understanding my perspective, since school violence has more recently been associated with

school shootings. I made the decision to include bullying in my research because verbal threats

of violence can create a negative school environment. With that said, if I were to research for this

essay again, I would have brainstormed more specific keywords, because bullying is more

generic, and not entirely related to threatening behavior. Hence, I would have tried to find

primary sources from students that portrayed verbal abuse.

As I was writing this essay, I had to determine how my evidence would be structured. I

chose to separate my evidence into mental health, iniquities, and activism because I wanted to

address the cause and effects of school violence. However, if I were to re-organise this essay, I

might challenge myself to create more than three body paragraphs that contain only two pieces

of evidence to improve the flow of my argument. For instance, when I look back at my paragraph

on mental health, I wonder why I did not instead create a paragraph on low self-esteem from

bullying, and another on trauma caused by school violence. Dividing the paragraphs would

enable me to write in greater depth about the synthesis of two sources, and keep certain ideas

separate in the reader's mind. In order to achieve my goal of arranging my evidence into more
specific paragraphs, I will make connections between my sources during the research process to

help create an effective outline.

The revision process was another challenge of the essay process, because I struggled to

fine-tune my analysis to be effective and concise. Based on the amount of repeated words in my

American Dream essay, I would try to merge sentences with similar wording because that may

indicate the same line of reasoning. The removal of words such as “that” and prepositions such

as “which” and “of” would reduce the wordiness of my writing. Also, based on the frequency

that I use “demonstrates,” “suggests” and “emphasizes” to refer to specific parts of quotes, I

could use a greater variety of active verbs. In order to improve my revision skill, I will simplify

my reasoning, adjust my grammar and incorporate a greater variety of verbs.

Similarly, my thesis statement requires greater precision. I chose to write the first clause

of my thesis statement as “School violence challenges the treatment of success in America”

because I wanted to address the mentality of success under the American Dream. But, I wonder

why I did not clarify that school violence changes how students, faculty and the American public

approach success. My reader might think that the treatment of success refers to other groups not

addressed in my essay, such as the American government. To maintain a clear argument, I will

write my thesis to be specific to the groups impacted by the topic.

Overall, the American Dream unit has offered me a process to compare two sources, by

using word choice to arrive at a consensus if the two perspectives are in agreement or not. My

greatest areas of improvement include refining my research, thesis statements, essay structure

and consolidating my analysis. When approaching these challenges, I will improve my system of

organizing my ideas, and enrich my argument with direct vocabulary.