ּBamidbar

It is almost Shavuot, zman matan Torateinu, the time of the giving of the Torah. We are about to
commemorate Revelation and even perhaps receive it all anew. How might we ready ourselves for such
an auspicious occasion? How might we receive the gift that is given?

As we begin the book of Bamidbar–a.k.a. the book of Numbers or the book of the wilderness– we are
offered some suggestions.

***

The book of Leviticus, which we just completed, concerned itself largely with order in the m​ ishkan
(Tabernacle). The book of Bamidbar opens this week with a concern for order a ​ round ​the m
​ ishkan​. The
Israelites a​re arranged precisely on its perimeter and counted and tasked with specific jobs. To be part of
the camp is to be a part of its regimented array.

It is therefore striking that a portion ​that spells out this degree of containment, ​Bamidbar, generates
​midrashim t​hat accentuate lack of containment. The ​parsha ​begins innocuously enough:

ֽ ‫ֵאתם מֵ ֶ ֥א ֶרץ מִ צ ַ ְ֖רי ִם ל‬

‫ֵאמ ֹר׃‬ ֑ ֵ ‫וַי ְדַ ֵּ֨בר ה אֶ ל־מ ֶ ֹׁ֛שה ּבְמִ דְ ַ ּ֥בר סִ ַינ֖י ּב ְ֣א ֹהֶ ל‬
֛ ָ ‫מֹועד ּבְאֶ חָ ֩ד ל ַ֨ח ֹדֶ ׁש הַ ּׁשֵ ִ֜ני ּבַּׁשָ ָנ֣ה הַ ּׁשֵ ִ֗נית ְלצ‬
)‫א‬:‫(במדבר א‬

The Lord spoke to Moses in the Sinai desert, in the Tent of Meeting on the first day of the second
month, in the second year after the exodus from the land of Egypt, saying. (Numbers 1:1)

​ idrash
Perplexed by the seemingly unnecessary geographic reference to the desert in this address, the m
offers this suggestion:

‫ לכך נאמר במדבר‬,‫ אינו יכול לקנות את התורה‬,‫למה במדבר? אלא כל מי שאינו עושה עצמו הפקר כמדבר‬
)‫ פרק ו‬,‫ במדבר‬,‫ (מדרש תנחומא‬.‫סיני‬

Why does the verse say "in the desert"? For anyone who does not make oneself ownerless
(hefker) like the desert cannot acquire Torah. That is why it says "in the desert of Sinai." (Midrash
Tanchuma, Numbers 7)

The desert needed to be mentioned at the start of this book because the desert was essential to the
word of God that followed. It was not merely a spatial designation. It communicated meaning.
"Hamidbar midaber​," "the desert speaks," claim the Hebrew poets. And so claims the ​midrash. ​The
Torah needed to unfold in the context of a ​midbar ​because Torah rests on the experience of h
​ efkerut that
only a desert can deliver so palpably.

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What is ​hefkerut?​The very opposite of tidy order. It is ownerlessness, wilderness, unruliness. It is radical
openness, uncontrolled and untamed. It is total vulnerability, exposed and raw. Being in the desert--with
its vast expanses, blazing sun, magnificent quiet, scant water, and timeless landscapes--generates all of
these experiences. In the midst of unending sands, one can feel one's smallness bump up against the
grandeur of eternity. In that space, one can become uncannily receptive. One might begin to hear the
voice of God. So render yourself ​hefker, ​says the ​midrash, ​in order to receive Torah. Open yourself widely.
Detach yourself from those things that tether you and tame you. Give yourself over to the wilderness, for
you just might then find yourself back at Sinai. The path to order is paved through disorder.

For the Sefat Emet, hefkerut a​lso contains yet another valence.

‫ זוכין‬.‫… כי התורה היא שלימות הנבראים וכפי מה שהנבראים חסרים בעיני עצמם ומקוין אל השלמה‬
‫ אבל מי שהוא כמדבר כמ"ש במדר' שאינו‬... ‫ ומאוד קשה לבעל בחירה להיות חסר בעיני עצמו כראוי‬.‫לתורה‬
‫זוכה לתורה עד שנעשה הפקר כמדבר וזה הי' הכנת בנ"י קודם קבלת התורה שהגיעו לבחי' מדבר להיות‬
)‫ במדבר תרל"ד‬,‫ברור בעיניהם וגם לברר זה בכל הנבראים שיהיו מקוין אל השלמה כנ"ל… (שפת אמת‬

The Torah represents the wholeness (​shleimut​) of created beings and to the degree that they are
lacking in their own eyes, they will yearn for that wholeness. They will merit Torah. It is very hard
for conscious beings to see themselves as deficient, as we must...But one who makes oneself like
a desert [gains this insight], as it says in the midrash, ​one cannot merit Torah without first
becoming ​ownerless (hefker) l​ike the desert. This was the preparation of ​the Jewish people
before they received the Torah: that they arrived at this attribute of "desert-ness"; that it
became clear to them that they needed to yearn for wholeness and to clarify this need for
others. (Sefat Emet, Bamidbar 1874)

The desert experience is one of thirst, of recognizing that we do not contain within ourselves all that we
need to survive and thrive. It highlights our dependence, our need to look outward (and upward) to
complete ourselves. Becoming ​hefker i​s becoming aware of this essential human insufficiency.

For the Sefat Emet, this awareness is an elemental part of the spiritual life, which is a striving toward
wholeness. It all begins with desire. In order to arrive at ​shleimut, ​one must recognize that one is
not-yet-whole. In order to get filled up, one must behold the ways in which one is ridden with holes. The
Torah offers a path toward completeness, but it can be received only by those who can see how very
incomplete they are. This is what the ​midbar w​as all about: becoming conscious of thirst so that it might
be quenched by the waters of Torah. The path might be long--40 years long--and circuitous, but this is
what it takes "​liknot et ha'Torah,​" to actively acquire wisdom (Midrash Tanchuma, Numbers 7).

We stand now on the cusp of Shavuot, during the days of preparation for revelation. How might we
prepare for ​Sinai? Enter ​midbar Sinai, ​our ​parsha ​enjoins us. Notice how very imperfect we are and how
very needful. Tap into our core deficiencies. Recognize that Torah is a process of both unbuilding and
upbuilding. And that wholeness (​shleimut) c​omes only to those who really yearn for it.

Sefat Emet on the Parshah—Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler

© Institute for Jewish Spirituality 2022 2
Bifnim/For Reflection

1. The Sefat Emet mentions the midrash that teaches, “One cannot merit Torah without first
becoming ​ownerless (hefker) l​ike the desert.” Using your own words, try to paraphrase this
midrash. What does ownerlessness mean? Why does the midrash teach that becoming
ownerless is so important to the process of entering into a relationship with Torah?
2. In your own experience, what, if anything, do you find aids you in developing or sustaining this
sense of hefkerut? What inhibits it? Do you engage in practices to help you nurture it? If so, what
are they? If not, why not?
3. Parashat Bamidbar is always read before the holiday of Shavuot when we complete the counting
of the Omer and commemorate our acceptance of the Torah at Mount Sinai. As you prepare for
Shavuot this year, reflect on your relationship with Torah: Is it a source of wholeness or
completion in your life? If so, why? What, if anything, have you done to make it so? If not, why
not? What, if anything, might you do differently to change your relationship with Torah?

Avodah/Practice – Rabbi Myriam Klotz

This week’s teaching invites us to practice letting go of the domesticated certainties we hold to and ‘own’
as known entities we inherit or acquire. In the silence and openness, empty of our knowing, we are
better prepared to receive the revelatory transmissions offered us on Shavuot.

BaMidbar, in a stark desert ecosystem, we can palpably come up against the limits of our capacity to
control and tame. When in an unfamiliar and harsh environment like a desert, we come to the edges of
what we know as familiar, and in the uncertainty and unpredictability of that environment, we can
quickly see the reality of hefkerut: we are limited, our very lives are dependent upon fundamental
necessities such as water, livable ranges of heat and cold temperatures, food, and our sensory capacities
to receive fresh input from moment to moment.

Yet, we don’t have to trek to a desert to practice hefkerut. If you have fallen ill with an acute or chronic
illness, or you are experiencing changes in hearing, vision, memory, balance, or perhaps you experience
your gender or sexual orientation as different from heteronormative binaries, for but a few examples,
you might sense vaguely or quite concretely that your body is not your own to control, curate, or
domesticate. You have agency in your response to such forces, but you don’t innately dominate them, at
least in the long run.

Our practice this week invites us to trek into the ever-changing wilderness that is the body we
temporarily inhabit. Focusing on how our bodies experience hunger, digestion and elimination is one
way to glimpse the revelation of the state of hefkerut as we focus our awareness to notice how
dependent we are upon conditions of health and access to food sources. It can help us get quiet to hear
the inner movements of the gut and stomach over which we do not have control.

Our practice is in two parts this week:

1. Pay attention to your belly to notice states of hunger and satiety. How does your body speak to you
to let you know you are hungry? What sensations and moods help signal hunger? How intense is your
hunger? Notice where it is on a 1-10 scale. As you practice listening for the signals from your body, you

Sefat Emet on the Parshah—Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler

© Institute for Jewish Spirituality 2022 3
might also notice how easy it is to override the speech from your gut if you are multitasking, anxious, or
in a hurry.

Before you eat, pause first to behold the food before you, and say a blessing over it:

‫ּבָרּוְך אַ ּתָ ה י ְהֹו ָה אֱ ֹלהֵ ינּו מֶ לְֶך הָ עֹולָם ׁשֶ הַ ּכ ֹל נִהְ י ָה ּבִדְ בָרו‬

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha’olam shehakol niyah bidvaro.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Supreme Force of the universe, at whose word all came to be.

A blessing practice over food points us to the ways in which our bodies are dependent upon
nourishment to live, and helps us cultivate a state of gratitude for the sustenance that we ingest.

After eating, you can pause and say this blessing, Bore Nefashot, which explicitly states that we are in
need of substance, not self-sufficient, and therefore grateful for the nourishment we just ingested:

‫ָּבראתָ לְהַ חֲ יֹות ָּבהֶ ם נֶפֶ ׁש‬

ָ ‫ּבֹורא נְפָ ׁשֹות ַרּבֹות ו ְחֶ סְ רֹונָן עַ ל ָּכל מַ ה ֶּׁש‬
ֵ ,‫ אֱ ֹלהֵ ינּו מֶ לְֶך הָ עֹולָם‬,‫ָּברּוְך אַ ָּת ה י ְהֹו ָה‬
‫ ָּברּוְך חֵ י הָ עֹולָמִ ים‬.‫חָ י‬-‫ָּכל‬.

Baruch atah ado-nai elo-hai-nu melech haolam borei nefashot rabot v’chesronan al kol ma she’barata
l’hachayot bahem nefesh kol chai baruch chei ha’olamim.

Blessed are You, God, our God, Supreme Force of the universe, Creator of numerous living beings and
their needs, for all the things You have created with which to sustain the soul of every living being.
Blessed Be the Life of the worlds.

2. The process of digestion begins in the mouth as you chew. The saliva begins to break down food
before it travels down into the stomach and further, through the miles of intestines. What isn’t needed
by the body is excreted. In the dark canyons of the gut and bowels, not under our control, the bowels
contract and expand to move excrement finally out of the body. When a bowel becomes blocked, if it
can’t be opened, death is almost certain.

Pay attention to the process of digestion that occurs inside the wilderness terrain of your gut and
bowels. How dependent are we upon the healthy functioning of our guts! Notice how your body signals
to you that it is ready to excrete waste, and what you experience as it does so, and the sensations that
arise afterwards.

The prayer below, Asher Yatzar, is found in the daily morning blessings of the siddur (prayer book) and is
also said after a person goes to the bathroom. You might pause each time you go to the bathroom this
week, and say this prayer or simply reflect on the miracle that just took place in the wild darkness of
your inner body, contracting and expelling and resting in just the right measures to sustain this body
today.

Sefat Emet on the Parshah—Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler

© Institute for Jewish Spirituality 2022 4
If you are not able to experience this process in full health today, you are also right there at the edge of
the midbar, the place where the self’s sense of agency dissolves into awareness of its fragility and
dependence upon forces beyond its control.

‫ָּגלּוי‬. ‫ ּוב ָָרא בֹו נְקָ בִים נְקָ בִים חֲ לּולִים חֲ לּולִים‬,‫ אֲ ֶׁש ר יָצַר אֶ ת הָ ָאדָ ם ְּבחָ כְמָ ה‬,‫ָּברּוְך אַ ָּת ה ה’ אֱ ֹלהֵ ינּו מֶ לְֶך הָ עֹולָם‬
‫ אִ י אֶ פְ ַׁש ר לְהִ תְ קַ ֵּים וְלַעֲ מֹוד לְפָ נֶיָך ַאפִ ּלּו‬,‫ אֹו י ִָּס תֵ ם אֶ חָ ד מֵ הֶ ם‬,‫ ֶׁש אִ ם י ִָּפ תֵ חַ אֶ חָ ד מֵ הֶ ם‬,‫וְי ָדּועַ לִפְ נֵי כִֵּס א כְבֹודֶ ָך‬
‫ רֹופֵ א כָל ָּבָׂש ר ּומַ פְ לִיא לַעֲ ׂשֹות‬,‫ ָּברּוְך אַ ָּת ה יי‬.‫ָׁש עָ ה אֶ חָ ת‬

Baruch a-tah ah-doe-nai, elohaynu melech ha-olam, ah-share yah-tzar et ha-ah-dam bih-choch-mah,
u-varah bo nih-kah-veem nih-kah-veem, chah-loo-leem chah-loo-leem, gah-loy vih-yah-doo-ah lif-nay
kee-say kih-voe-deh-chah, she-eem yih-pah-tay-ach eh-chod may-hem, oh yee-sah-tare eh-chod
may-hem, ee ef-shahr lih-hit-kah-yem vih-lah-ah-mode lih-fah-neh-chah ah-fee-loo shah-ahh ehh-chot.
Baruch a-tah ah-doe-nail, row-fay kole bah-sahr ooh-moff-lee lah-ah-sote.

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Supreme Force of the universe, who formed a person with wisdom
and created within them many openings and many hollow spaces. It is obvious and known before Your
Seat of Honor that if even one of them would be opened, or if even one of them would be sealed, it
would be impossible to survive and to stand before You even for one hour. Blessed are You, Adonai, who
heals all flesh and acts wondrously.

Sefat Emet on the Parshah—Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler

© Institute for Jewish Spirituality 2022 5