UNIT 3.

The Marriage and the Filipino Family

Lesson 1. The Filipino Family
Family is considered to be the foundation of social life for most Filipinos. The nuclear family is the
core family unit; however, bonds are often tight knit among extended family members. Indeed,
people may be encouraged to have a relationship with their aunts and uncles that is just as strong
as the relationship with their parents. Close familial relationships often go beyond one’s genetic
connections or bloodlines to incorporate distant relatives, close neighbors or friends. For example,
it is common to hear people refer to distant relatives or non-relatives with familial terms such as
‘tita’ (aunt), ‘tito’ (uncle), ‘lola’ (grandmother) and ‘lolo’ (grandfather). One instance is when a
grandchild refers to their grandparent’s friend or cousin as lola or lolo.

Filial Piety

Filial piety is an important concept in Filipino

culture. It is understood as essential in order to
maintain the collective face of the family and to
avoid experiencing hiya (see Social Interactions
and Hiya in ‘Core Concepts’). Many Filipinos
hold the belief that each family member has
several duties and responsibilities they must
uphold. Observing one’s duties and
responsibilities is important in order to correctly
respect others and to ensure harmony among
family members. For example, family members
are required to show respect to their elders at all
times. The opinions of younger family members’ and children’s opinions are considered to be
secondary to their superior. Moreover, those requiring age care are nearly always taken care of
by their children or grandchildren.

Household Structure and Transnational Families

In a Filipino household, it is common to find three generations living together. Often, grandparents
play a large role in raising their grandchildren. Extended family will often live relatively close to
 one another and will come together during large celebrations. It is common to find families in the
Philippines that have some members who return to their family home during weekends after
spending a week in major cities for work or study.

Since the 1970s, the Philippines has been exporting labor abroad, with some members engaging
in paid labor abroad while many remain in their home town or village. This means that many
Filipino families are spread across the world. Filipino society has widely adapted to the change in
family structure. Some parents will leave their child in the Philippines in order to seek labor abroad
to better support their family left behind. In turn, they will send back remittances to their parents
or siblings who have been given the duty of caring for the child. It is also common to find aunts,
uncles and godparents taking care of their nieces, nephews or godchildren, by
sending remittances back to the Philippines in order to pay for their education.

Those living abroad with left behind families will attempt to see their family once a year by
returning home to the Philippines during their break from work in another country. This can be
particularly difficult for those with children or elderly parents in the Philippines. In order to support
their families in the Philippines, Filipinos abroad will send a ‘balikbayan box’, containing various
items such as clothing, household objects and gifts for their family. In the Australian context, it
can be quite emotionally distressing for some Filipinos in intercultural marriages to be denied the
opportunity to send remittances home or unable to visit their family, as they feel they are failing
to uphold their duty towards their family.

Gender Roles

At times, Filipino society is tagged as patriarchal. This is in part due

to machismo attitudes and the masculine standards of many Filipino
men. However, the Philippines is closer to exhibiting
a matriarchal society. The female influence is significant
throughout the country, with many women holding senior
roles throughout business and the government. In the
household structure, it is often a matriarchin charge.
Generally, the head of the household is usually the oldest
female, often the grandmother (lola). Income from family
members are often pooled together, then the matriarch will
look after the family finances.
Dating and Marriage

In the Philippines, dating often comes in stages, beginning

with courtship. Typically, a man will try to impress a female by
courting her. If the woman considers the man to be a good
suitor, they will continue dating. Individuals have a significant
level of freedom in terms of choosing marriage partners,
although the choice of a spouse may be influenced by the
preferences of the family. In some families, it is expected for
the prospective partner to gain approval of their potential in-
laws. However, in urban areas, dating and marriage practices
 tend to be less conservative and are becoming more
influenced by the West.

Expectations and practices of marriage are heavily shaped by the Catholic Church. Marriage is
understood as a milestone and it is expected that individuals will one day marry a suitable partner.
Having children out of wedlock is generally frowned upon in Filipino society. Thus, many couples
will marry prior to giving birth to their child to avoid social repercussions. Monogamy is the norm
and divorce is both socially stigmatized and illegal. However, views on marriage are changing.
For example, there is now more acceptance of a person’s choice to remain single if they wish to
be so.
 LESSON 2. The Filipino Family in Relation to
Society’S CULTURe and VALUES
The complexity of Filipino culture is compounded as this has been exposed to continuous and
various streams of culture from without.

This influences were not passively absorbed in to the Filipino culture but assimilated in a
selective way, and this process of a acculturation varied from region to region.

Contributory Factors to Filipino Culture

The Filipino culture is a summation of indigenous forces and foreign influences that had come to
bear upon the people in varying degrees during the last centuries. These foreign influences that
contributed in the shaping of a Filipino culture are as follows:

The Malays - The basic component of Filipino culture is the Malay

temperament which could best be described by “niceness and
pleasantness” to others rather than by virtue of law abiding features. In
its fluidness of culture, the Malay family clan or unit is the world’s best
security system.

Chinese – filial piety between parents and children, the

flexibility to go along with other people and the “sageliness
within and the kingliness without” of the Filipino is believed to
be due to Chinese influence.

The Indian influence - Indian influence is found in the languages,

mode of dressing, architectural art, folk, beliefs, brass, and
copperware.
The Hindu influence – is the most pervasive in the Filipino belief system. For instance, is the
prediction of Filipino newspaper readers for horoscope and fortune- telling sections.

The Spanish heritage – it is reflective of more

developed societies at their point of contact,
broadened the outlook of the Filipino. Spain
introduced a community oriented rather than a
family- oriented religion in the form of Christianity. It
contributed to an elite class. A social and political
organization, according to western institutions, was
brought into the Philippines.
The Americans – the United States further broadened this heritage by introducing a democracy
that called for individual liberty and equality as well as a national political community to which
everybody was supposed to participate through national suffrage

The Filipino has thereby a foothold in many cultural spheres: The Malay, the Anglo-Saxon, the
Hispanic, the Hindu-Islamic and even the Chinese.

The Filipino cultural perspectives

The Filipino culture’s existence and development is viewed and interpreted in many ways. Some
of them are:
1. The Traditional Concept- the traditionalist holds that Filipino culture was developed due to
the conglomeration of the physical, intellectual, moral, and spiritual aspects. It assumes that
underneath the independent and widely divergent culture as shown in their way of life, there is an
underlying basic root of unity that holds the cultural tree together and infuses one clear, distinct
substance through its veins. This includes their art of living, philosophy in life, attitudes toward
God, nature and fellowmen.

2. The Nationalistic View- this concept regards culture as the summation of the needs of the
people, the description of their past and present condition, an expression of their values, thoughts
and emotions, and the depiction of their historic struggles to liberate themselves. True national
culture is inextricably linked to the people’s needs, ideas, emotions, and practices.

3. Cultural Dualism- this theory maintains that the Philippines is a transitional society dominated
on one side by the traditional culture and on the other side by the modern culture. The norms and
values of these two forces inevitably oppose each other leading to conflicts in the life of individual.
Because of the conflict brought by the various foreign influences into the Philippines, the Filipinos
have to engage into a selective integration and modification of foreign influences into a distinct
Filipino culture.
 LESSON 3. Filipino Family VALUES and CULTURe
The Filipino culture

Belief System

Filipinos are religious. They believe so much in supernatural powers and view themselves
as only a speck in this wide universe. This Filipino belief in the supernatural powers taught them
to trust prayers rather than hard work in the realization of their dreams. Success is considered a
blessing from above, a result of good luck and faith. It also taught him to value traits like
perseverance, patience, and endurance.
Good is considered relative. What is considered good to one may not be good to another.
Happiness and success differ from one person to another. Elders, parents, and superiors are
respected and obeyed. Hospitality is one practice Filipinos believe in because it is their way of
implementing threw golden rule: “Do unto others what you want others do unto you”.
Value System

Cultural values are shared assumption of what is right, good, or important. Values actually
guide man’s behavior and action as he relates himself in most situations in life.
The Filipino values can best be seen from the aspects of personal and social relationships.
Personally, the Filipinos value more their honor and status than anything else. Majority of them
takes care of their honor (karangalan) rather than wealth.
In decision making, the Filipinos usually consult and take into consideration the consensus
of the family members as the feelings of those who are to be affected.
Socially, the Filipinos give more emphasis on social relationships. This can be seen
through the hospitality they give to their visitors and friends. They love to mingle with people
particularly with friends and relatives. They engage themselves in mutual cooperation, which is
best pictured through the “bayanihan”.

In terms of emotion, the Filipinos are friendly. They smile at people, even with strangers
when they are approach. They are warm and simple. Women in the Philippines are highly
regarded and respected and can be relied upon when it comes to family affairs.

The Filipino VALUES

Utang-na-loob - it is a technique of reciprocity of debt of gratitude to others within the

family circle or primary group, sometimes unlimited in nature, emotional rather than financial or
rational. It is a sign of marginal economy where no place is available for bargaining, formal
agreements, written contracts, specific rights, and responsibilities.
Inability to repay “utang-na-loob” will result in the individual being labeled as “walang
utang-na-loob” or “walang-hiya.”
 Pakikisama – this is closely related to utang-na-loob. It is the value of belongingness and
loyalty to the small in-group with sensitivity to the feelings of others on the principle of “give and
take.” Pakikisamais a folk concept of good public relations and avoidance of conflict with the
leader or majority of the groups.
Hiya – this controls to a large extent the behavior of the individual and most likely, is
generally dependent on what others will think, say, and do. Because of hiya, a Filipino cannot say
“NO” even if it is against his will to do what is being requested.
Bahala na – a common expression among Filipinos in this rest on the fatalistic outlook
and strong dependence on the “spirits’ who will take care of everything if they are really meant for
a person.
Authoritarianism – it is the dependence of Filipinos in a paternalistic rather than in a stern
way upon the elders of the family, upon their boss, if employed, and upon people in authority as
their father figure.
Individualism – it is a pattern of behavior which characterizes the Filipino as a self-
centered. The desire to make a name for himself becomes the primary motivation for success.
Amor-propio – it is the individuals highly emotional reaction to protect his honor and
dignity when they are threatened or questioned and to retaliate. Common forms of amor-propio
are “helehelebago quire,” or “pakipot” which shows at the outset a person initially refusing an offer
even if he really wants very much to accept it.

TrAditionAl Filipino FAmily VAlues thAt MAke us Distinct Among Others

“Good morals and values start at home and a uniform won’t change that” - Jamie Sawyer

Majority of Philippine population is bonded together by common values and traits that are first
taught at home and being applied in our day to day lives.
Here are some of the family values Filipinos have:

1. Pagpapahalaga sa Pamilya (Family-oriented)

Filipinos are known for having strong and close family ties. They place high regard and put
importance on their family before anything else. They work all day and do all they can to feed
and provide for their family.
In other countries, when a person turned 18, he/she can live away from his/her family. In the
Philippines, they value their family so much that they keep them intact through the years.

2. Respect

One of the precious things Filipinos have is that they are respectful.
Young, youth, people in all ages know how to show respect and
courtesy. Some ways to show them are the use of “Po at Opo”,
“Pagmamano” or putting the back of an elder’s hand on your
forehead, and calling our older siblings or elders Ate or Kuya.

3. God-fearing

Though we, Filipinos, belong to different religious groups, we all have God(Supreme being) in
our center. Filipino families sometimes go to church or pray together with their family.

4. Pakikisama (Helping others)

Filipinos get along with different kinds of

people. They can easily adjust to any
situation and are flexible. This trait fosters
cooperation, good and helpful deeds.
When their neighbors are in trouble, they
will help them in whatever they can. They
also do not let their family members go
through hard times alone, instead, they
help each other.
5. Hospitality

One of the most popular qualities Filipinos have is that they are very hospitable. When there are
visitors at home, they will do a lot of preparations for good entertainment and accommodation so
that they will feel at home and enjoy the stay. When there is an occasion at home, there are a lot
of food and you can expect to have take-outs (pabalot) after.

6. Utang na Loob (Debt of Gratitude)

This trait shows a sense of duty and responsibility. Filipinos know how to repay other people.
When someone helped us, we return the favors with goodness.

7. Love and Happiness

In a Filipino family, our parents usually cook for us, that’s what one of the ways on how they
show their love. Also, through good and bad times, Filipinos always find a way to smile and be
happy. Whatever the problem is, we are always reminded that our family’s always there to love
and support us no matter what.

Filipino values will prevail even if years will pass by. It will never be removed because it serves
as a distinction among other race. Definitely, it’s more fun in the Philippines and it’s the best to
be part of Filipino family