Dear Order

By: SilverWolf7007

"I'm still alive, as you may surmise from this note. Of course, I could be
dead and someone is faking the letter to fool you…" Harry is NOT happy
about being left at Privet Drive all summer with no one to talk to.

Status: complete

Published: 2006-09-17

Updated: 2016-09-19

Words: 29689

Chapters: 22

Rated: Fiction K+ - Language: English - Genre: Humor - Characters: Harry

P., Hermione G., Luna L. - Reviews: 7,280 - Favs: 16,242 - Follows: 12,164

Original source: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3157478/1/Dear-Order

Exported with the assistance of FicHub.net

Dear Order
Introduction
Letter One
Letter Two
Letter Three
Letter Four
Letter Five
Letter Six
Letter Seven
Letter Eight
Letter Nine
Letter Ten
Letter Eleven
Letter Twelve
Letter Thirteen
Letter Fourteen
Letter Fifteen
Letter Sixteen
Letter Seventeen
Letter Eighteen
Letter Nineteen
Letter Twenty
Letter Twenty-One
Epilogue
Letter One
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Giant Flaming Turkey

By SilverWolf7007

Letter One - "Charlie, send many dragons."

The summer holidays had begun three days ago, and several key
members of the Order of the Phoenix were about to sit down to
dinner.

However, there was a definite anticipatory atmosphere in the house,

which was making people snappish.

As such, the five students staying in the house for the holidays were
hiding in an upstairs room for as long as possible, along with the
twins.

Bill and Charlie were downstairs in the lounge, playing a violent

game of chess. Tonks and Kingsley were watching from a safe
distance so as not to be hit with flying shrapnel.

Molly was in the kitchen, along with Minerva. No one else was brave
enough to even step too close to the doorway when the both of them
were in there.

Arthur and Moody were attempting to set up the dining room for
imminent use, as there were too many people to fit in the kitchen.

Albus was sitting in the lounge, across the room from Charlie and
Bill's small-scale massacre, trying to read a book. He was having
rather a lot of trouble with this, as the text kept changing from
'Transfiguration Through the Ages' to '172 Alternatives to Sherbet
Lemons and Tea' and back again.
By the fire, Severus and Remus were sitting in armchairs and
apparently having a serious card game in between hexing Albus's
book and Remus glancing at the windows.

It was assumed that the two men were playing poker, as they were
using Muggle cards and seemed incredibly focussed on winning. It
wasn't until Remus's rather triumphant hiss of 'Go fish' that anyone
realised what they were really playing and the collective respect the
others had for them went down a tad.

Finally, Arthur poked his head through the door and told them the
dining room was ready. Everyone abandoned their activities and
headed in to sit down. Charlie went upstairs to find the kids and
returned with them not long after, looking a little scarred.

Molly and Minerva brought out the meal, and everyone began to eat.

Ten minutes later, all food was abandoned as Hedwig flew through
the window, all eyes glued to her.

She circled the room for a moment, searching, and then landed on
Charlie's shoulder.

He turned and looked at her. "You want me to open it?"

Pointedly she stuck out her leg. Charlie shrugged, took the note and
unfolded it. He snorted.

"Read it aloud," Bill prompted.

Charlie's lips twitched. "All right.

' Dear Order,

Am still alive, as you may surmise from this note.

Of course, I could be dead and someone is faking the letter to fool

you. Quick, you'd better come and check. Charlie, send many
dragons.
Also say hi to 'Mione, Gin, Luna, Nev and Ron for me. And everyone
else except Dumbledore.

Love Harry.' "

He noticed he was receiving some sceptical looks. "I'm not kidding,

you can read it yourselves."

The note was passed around the table, everyone finding some
amusement from it - even Albus.

Charlie went back to his dinner, as did everyone else, one and all
wondering what Harry would write in three days time.

Once upon a time, a silly author had a silly idea. That idea is the
letter in chapter three. It amused her. Now that silly author has
committed herself… to a twenty-one chapter fanfiction. Sigh. Silly,
silly author. As if she doesn't have enough unfinished fics on her
plate…

Ah well. I've been going okay with this one, the first four are done
and five is in the works. Plus they're all pretty much stand-alone
chapters, so no evil cliffies.

So yes, I hope you enjoyed, please review and tell me your opinions.
Love to you all!

S. Wolf
Letter Two
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Badly Singed

Flamingo

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Two - "I don't care how you do it, just do it."

Three days had passed since Harry's first letter, and again there
were eighteen people wandering about Headquarters.

In fact, aside from Molly, Hermione, Minerva and Ginny, who were in
the kitchen cooking, everyone was in the lounge room this time.
Mostly, they were chatting.

Albus had given up on reading two days ago, when someone (he
suspected Severus) had turned his book on cacti into a book on the
mating habits of werewolves.

Remus and Severus were again locked into a vicious battle, this time
playing Exploding Snap.

Luna had convinced Fred to use a spell to lengthen George's hair,

and she was now happily putting it into many tiny plaits. George was
allowing her to do this, as she had also convinced him to grow Fred's
fingernails a centimetre longer and had given him a manicure the
day before.

For some reason, neither twin had bothered to protest too much -
although this may have had something to do with the promise they
had extracted from Luna to do the same to Bill, Charlie and Ron
once she was done with them.
Minerva stepped out of the kitchen, the girls on her heels. Ginny
immediately joined Luna, causing George to sigh loudly.

Molly wasn't far behind them, leaving the roast to, well, roast.

Naturally enough, it was about then that there was a tapping on the
window (that Bill had been told to leave open and then promptly
forgot about). Neville jumped up and let Hedwig inside.

She headed straight for Moody, who sighed and took the letter as
Ron gave Hedwig a few owl treats.

The ex-Auror chuckled at the note, and needed no prompting to read

it aloud.

"' Dear Order,

Have lost my mind due to boredom. Mad-Eye, please come help me

find it.

Love Harry.' "

There was amusement shared around the table, along with

sympathy for Harry and several pleas to be allowed to write to him,
which Albus refused.

Moody, however, was still looking at Harry's letter. There was more
written underneath, which he hadn't read aloud. It was meant for his
eyes… well, his eye only.

' Mad-Eye,

I've written this in invisible ink, which I'm sure you can see with that
eye of yours. Please don't tell anyone I wrote this - at least, not just
yet.

Have Remus sniff the paper. I don't care how you do it, just do it.

Ta!'
He sighed resignedly and made a show of sniffing the paper
suspiciously. He thought he caught a hint of something, frowned in
confusion, and held the letter out to Remus. "Here Lupin, you try. I
think there's something on it."

Worried, Remus took the note and held it to his nose. He sniffed.

He sniffed again.

He sniffed a few more times, and then he froze. Slowly, he put the
letter on the table and backed away.

Then he sneezed. Several times.

Moody felt mildly guilty for causing this, but mostly amused.

Remus managed to get his nose under his control and gave Moody
a watery glare. "You bastards. You and him. Little tosser. He told you
to do it, didn't he?"

His only answer was a smirk.

Hermione looked at her ex-professor curiously. "What was on it,

Remus?"

He glowered at the innocuous-seeming little note on the table. "

Lavender," he hissed viciously.

For some reason, this just made everyone laugh. He sneezed. They
laughed harder.

Remus pouted.

What can I say; I was so thrilled at the response to the previous

chapter that I just had to get the next one out. Or I'm just impatient.
Or bored. Don't expect all the updates to come this fast, though!

But again, guys, thanks. Reviews make me happy.

Love to you all!

S. Wolf
Letter Three
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Carefully Crisped

Canary

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Three - "I'd like you to do me a favour, Professor Snape, if

that's at all possible."

The third letter caught everyone off guard, simply because it arrived
much earlier than the previous ones.

It was, in fact, well before lunch, and the weather was wonderful.

The nice day allowed everyone who wanted to be to be in the

backyard, which was apparently just as safe as the house. In fact,
everyone was out there somewhere, except for Severus, who was
inside brewing a potion, and the twins, who were probably doing
something along the same lines that was much more explosive.

Outside, Ron and Charlie were playing off against Ginny and Bill,
while Luna and Hermione watched from the ground (well they were
actually reading, but they glanced up occasionally to make sure no
one had fallen off).

Remus, sitting under a tree, had something that he was keeping

from the eyes of everyone else, his wand out, and was (as he put it)
'tinkering'. It was a general theory that he was sulking because
Severus had refused to play cards with him outside.

Molly, Arthur, Kingsley, Tonks, Minerva, Moody and Albus were

sitting around an enlarged picnic table, discussing Voldemort, the
war, and politics. This really just means that they were gossiping, of
course.
It wasn't long before Fred and George wandered outside, their hair
and freckles an eye-wateringly bright shade of blue. No one
bothered asking how it had happened, as this wasn't the first time
the twins had emerged from their room displaying evidence of their
experiments. Molly just sighed at them.

Severus, surprisingly, wasn't far behind them. He immediately gained

everyone's undivided attention, as not only was he always reluctant
to surface from the house, but he had Hedwig perched on his
shoulder and a highly amused smirk on his face.

Even Ron, Charlie, Ginny and Bill stopped flying and joined
everyone else near the picnic table to hear the latest missive from
Harry.

Remus pocketed whatever he had been tinkering with and quickly

walked over, attempting to steal the letter from the Potions Master's
hands. Severus easily avoided him.

"Well?" Moody growled after several silent minutes. "We don't have
all day, Snape."

Severus's lips twitched slightly. "If I recall, Moody, you actually do ."

He earned himself a withering glare in reply.

Ignoring this, he turned to the Headmaster. "Albus. I have a

message for you."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Potter wishes for me to inform you that you suck."

Hermione sighed. The twins snorted. Luna and Ginny giggled.

Remus snickered. The other three Weasley boys hit the ground in
hysterical laughter.

Albus looked somewhat put out.

Severus silently handed the letter to the still-snickering werewolf
before retreating back into the house and his potions lab.

Remus looked down at the note in his hands.

' Dear Order,

Still alive, see?

I'd like you to do me a favour, Professor Snape, if that's at all

possible. I need you to convey a message to the Headmaster for me.

Tell him he sucks.

Love Harry'

Well, that was the thing that started it all. Just the whole 'Professor
Snape, please tell the Headmaster that he sucks' thing. Yeah.
Nothing special. Oh well. Heh.

Big hiya and thanks to the reviewers who weren't signed in. I'd like to
reply to you all individually, but sometimes that makes bad things
happen. As for those who did sign in, I don't think I missed replying
to anyone, but feel free to poke me if I did.

I'm amazed that this fic has so many reviews. Much love to you all.

S. Wolf
Letter Four
Hi! I know I don't usually put author's notes up here these days, but I
thought I'd give a bit of warning. This chapter contains some mention
of slash. It's light; it shouldn't scar anyone, but feel free to skip this
chapter if you'd prefer not to read it. Come back next chapter,
though!

Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Ugly Duckling

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Four - "Would anyone mind terribly if I joined

Voldemort?"

The usual group occupying the Headquarters of the Order of the

Phoenix were currently in a highly unusual situation.

They were on the roof.

All eighteen of them.

None of them were entirely certain as to how they had gotten there,
although Molly suspected the twins on principle.

Albus, on the other hand, was fairly certain that Severus and Remus
had been experimenting with spells again, and had thusly caused
this strange, sudden displacement.

No one else ascribed to this theory due to the rather compromising

position the two men had been in when they had arrived on the roof.

It had been rather amusing, actually. Ron had screamed, while

Neville, Arthur and everyone of the female persuasion (barring Luna)
had blushed violently. Moody, Kingsley and the older Weasley boys
had all just burst out laughing.

Albus had just blinked at the two naked, wet men in shock. Now
there was something he hadn't expected!

Luna just smirked. A little smugly, in fact, but no one noticed this.

Remus had shrieked slightly and attempted to hide himself behind

Severus, which caused the other man to glare rather fiercely at him
through his dripping hair. Both of them were blushing.

All over.

Minerva had been the first to recover her wits (besides Luna, who
was too busy being smug and enjoying the view to bother helping)
and had quickly conjured them each a robe, which the two men
donned immediately.

Once everyone had gotten over the fact that the werewolf and the
potions master had appeared on the roof dripping wet and snogging
heavily, or was at least pretending to be over it (or was suppressing
their recent memories), talk quickly turned to the other thing that had
just happened.

Namely, their sudden appearance on the roof.

It wasn't as though anyone had actually moved from where they had
been. Oh no, it had been a spontaneous appearing act, in which
everyone in the house had been magically transported from their
previous activities and directly dumped on the top of the house.

Supposedly, not a single one of them had any idea of how they had
arrived there.

Of course, no one even bothered to ask Luna, who was gazing

dreamily off into the distance. If they had, they would have probably
received a smug smirk and an admission of culpability.
But they didn't.

So Luna kept silent, her eyes on the distant speck in the sky that
was gradually growing into a snowy owl.

Eventually, the immature bickering that might have been mistaken as

calm, collected discussion (at least by those involved) began to
dwindle off as the others on the roof gradually noticed Hedwig
heading their way.

By the time she arrived at the roof, there was nothing but silence as
everyone waited to see whose shoulder she would perch on.

Hedwig, for once, didn't seem to have a particular destination. She

circled them a few times in consideration before landing on the top of
Kingsley's bald head, it being the highest perch there.

Kingsley winced and coaxed the owl down onto his shoulder, making
a mental note to have a discussion with Harry concerning his evil-
minded familiar. He ignored the blood trickling down his neck from
Hedwig's landing and removed the letter.

He read it. He blinked a few times. He read it again. He snorted.

"What, what, what?" Tonks demanded, bouncing on the balls of her

feet in curiosity.

Kingsley cleared his throat and read the letter aloud.

"' Dear Order,

Am hoping that you're all in good health, and that Professor Snape
delivered my message to the Headmaster.'"

Kingsley paused as several members of his audience snickered.

"' I've been thinking. Would anyone mind terribly if I joined

Voldemort? I get the feeling that he doesn't randomly leave people
stuck in a house with the Dursleys for the entire summer with no
contact with sentient human beings.

I'm sure he and I can work through our issues, and his little killing
people thing.

Love Harry'"

Everyone stared at him.

"You don't think he's… serious, do you?" Charlie asked with a

worried frown.

Neville snorted. "Of course he isn't. At least, he isn't yet ."

"In that case," Severus began, tone irritated. "Can we work on

getting off the roof ? I still have shampoo in my hair."

Heh. Letter Five is written, and will be posted fairly soon. Then I
have to work on Letter Six… oh dear…

Hope you had fun.

S. Wolf
Letter Five
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Parched Pigeon

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Five - "Try to follow Dumbles around, when and where

possible."

Nymphadora Tonks was never one to pass up a challenge, and what

was contained in the letter that had been delivered to her earlier that
morning was definitely a big one.

Of course, she usually had some kind of understanding as to why

she was doing… whatever it was that the challenge required of her.

Then again, when one took into account who had set this challenge,
one would realise that there was a reason for its obscurity.

The reason was that Harry, despite being a lovable kid, was utterly
insane.

But even though she knew that, Tonks just couldn't resist. After all,
Harry was known for causing mayhem wherever he went, and while
she may not understand why he wanted her to do what she was
planning to do; she knew it would undoubtedly unsettle the
Headmaster in some way.

No one at Headquarters could pass up the opportunity to annoy the

old man any more. His continued insistence that they couldn't
contact Harry, coupled with him constantly offering tea and lemon
drops (and occasionally lemon tea or tea drops, when Remus or
Severus got bored) had him getting on even Arthur's normally
unshakable nerves.
These were the thoughts that led Tonks to her current situation.

Well, those thoughts, and the letter, of course. But that wasn't the
point.

The point was, Nymphadora Tonks was now standing in front of a

mirror, making sure she had everything right. Well, as right as she
could get it with Harry's vague instructions.

'" Like me but much paler, with tidier hair and red eyes." Damn, Har,
did you have to be so difficult about this?'

Finally, she felt satisfied with her new appearance, and decided to go
find the Headmaster to test it out.

On her way to the lounge room, where she knew the man was
currently playing chess against Ron, she reread the letter that
Hedwig had dropped on her face at about five that morning.

' Dear Tonks,

Will send my official 'Dear Order' letter in a few hours time, so send
Hedwig back immediately.

I have a challenge for you.

Please spend the day looking like me but much paler, with tidier hair
and red eyes. Try to follow Dumbles around, when and where
possible.

Ta!

Love Harry'

Tonks sighed and shook her head, not for the first time since
receiving the letter. She just hoped that this would be worth it.
Albus Dumbledore felt that he was rather good at chess, on the
whole. This is why he was feeling somewhat inadequate. Ronald
Weasley was defeating him quite soundly.

He found himself wishing, desperately, for something to interrupt the

game. He didn't think he would ever live down being beaten by a
sixteen year old boy.

Albus later wished that he had just gracefully accepted this defeat,
as it seemed as though his very thoughts had summoned such a
disruption.

Ginny gave a startled shriek, gaining the attention of everyone else.

She pointed to the doorway, where for a moment several people
thought Harry was standing.

The boy in question stepped further into the room, eyes locked on
the Headmaster. Albus's own eyes widened in horror as he realised
exactly who this boy seemed to be. "Tom," he breathed.

Everyone else began staring in horror, Minerva and Moody even

drew their wands.

Severus just raised an eyebrow at Remus, who was snickering

somewhat uncontrollably on the couch. All eyes turned to him as he
fell to the ground with a thud. For some reason he seemed to find
this hilarious, his snickers turning to full blown laughter.

An annoyed sounding tap on the window was answered by Fred,

and Hedwig quickly perched herself on Ginny's shoulder. The girl in
question, recovered from her earlier shock, took the offered letter,
read it, read it again and then giggled for a moment before reading it
aloud.

"' Dear Order,

I hope you're all enjoying Tommy's visit. You may be wondering

where Tonks is. She's, uh, on holiday, for the day. Yeah.
Gin, sorry if Tommy startled you. Just so you all know, he'll be
following the Headmaster around today.

Thanks 'Tommy'!

Love Harry.'"

Albus Dumbledore finally began to wonder at the wisdom of leaving

Harry Potter to his own devices all summer.

Yes, Albus, wonder. And when you realise what a monumentally

stupid idea it was, smack yourself around the head. Because that
would be funny

Still haven't gotten around to working on Letter Six, because I'm lazy.
On the other hand, I have the actual letters written for chapters six
through to twelve. Now I just need to add the chaptery parts.

Don't worry, I'll get there. Hopefully you'll all stick with me.

S. Wolf
Letter Six
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Demented Dove

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Six - "Please come to my funeral."

When Tonks had decided to continue wandering around

Headquarters looking like Tom Riddle, Ginny had decided to pull out
the camera that Colin had bought her for Christmas. She knew that
Harry would appreciate seeing some of the scenes taking place,
especially when Tonks grew tired of being male from the waist up
and morphed her body back to normal while keeping her head as
'Tommy's'.

Even before that there had been some good shots of 'Tom Riddle'
conversing quite amicably with the Headmaster, and one rather
disturbing image of 'him' making out with Fred. Or George. They'd
both kissed 'him', but Ginny wasn't quite sure which one she'd
photographed.

At one point Ginny had even convinced Tonks to put on her bikini
and pose for a shot. She was considering sending a copy to
Voldemort.

Three days after it all began, dinner in Order Headquarters had been
an incredibly quiet event, because everyone was expecting Harry's
letter to arrive.

However, dinner had passed, it was after nine and eighteen

individuals were beginning to worry.

"If it doesn't arrive, Mad-Eye and I can check on him in the morning,"
Kingsley stated. Dumbledore just nodded with a sigh.
Ron rolled his eyes. "Yes, and if his letter gets here at midnight and
wakes me up, then I'm going to kick his arse in the morning."

Hermione smacked him around the head, earning her a thankful

smile from Molly, who couldn't have reached him. "Language,
Ronald," she called across the room.

Fred gasped in mock outrage. "Who do you think you are, his
mother?"

Molly glowered at him.

Everyone fell silent when a tapping was heard from the window.
Neville let Hedwig inside, and she immediately flew over to
Hermione's shoulder.

Hermione opened the letter, read it over, twitched slightly, rolled her
eyes and then sighed. "Harry's finally lost his sanity."

Charlie looked genuinely surprised. "Harry had sanity?"

George snorted. "Of course not. What's the letter say, 'Mione?"

She handed it to him silently, and he read it aloud with a slightly

dramatic flair.

"' Dear Order,

Have died a tragic, terrible, messy death due to spontaneous self-

combustion. Am writing this letter as a ghost. With my teeth. Quills
taste funny. I would not recommend them as a snack.

Please come to my funeral. Headmaster, you're not invited.

Someone make sure that Voldie gets an invite, though.

Am going to stop writing this letter now, because my jaw is aching,

despite the fact that I'm a ghost. Hermione, don't poke logic-shaped
holes in my reasoning.
Love Harry' ."

"Albus, perhaps we should consider getting the boy some

professional help," Minerva suggested, lips twitching. "I'm not sure a
raving lunatic will be able to best Voldemort."

Severus snorted. "Voldemort himself is a raving lunatic; I don't see

how Potter being one as well will in any way affect the outcome of
the duel."

"Well, it might give Harry an advantage," Tonks said with a shrug.

Albus twitched, as he had been prone to doing whenever Tonks
spoke up unexpectedly - she was still using a male voice that
sounded scarily similar to a young Tom Riddle. "Assuming Voldie
believes Harry to be sane."

"Harry is as perfectly sane as I am," Luna declared dreamily,

adjusting the hood of the glittery blue Death Eater cloak she was
wearing.

Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "Luna, dear girl, you've raided

Severus's closet, stolen one of his Death Eater robes, and convinced
someone to turn it blue and cover it in glitter. No sane person would
ever wear one of those robes voluntarily, they're awfully scratchy."

Luna pouted. "You think so little of me? I asked Miss Tommy to

charm it to be more comfortable."

"Very sensible," Fred said sagely.

"I think our dear little Harry is just infinitely bored," George explained.
"And a little crazy, yes. Perhaps we should do something to entertain
him?"

"I'm afraid, Mr Weasley," Fred began in a grave voice, cutting off the
Headmaster who had also begun with those very same words. "That
we simply cannot risk it."
Dumbledore sat back in his chair and unwrapped a sherbet lemon
with a faint, sulky frown.

George collapsed on the ground with a heartbroken wail of anguish.

Ahem. This chapter was written with the help of few sherbet lemons.
I may not be especially fond of Dumbles, but I cannot fault his choice
in sweets. And they are awfully addictive. Thanks to anyone who
suggested anything to do with photos. And thanks to the anonymous
reviewers who I can't reply to.

Thanks for reading!

S. Wolf
Letter Seven
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Burnt Bird

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Seven - "Why did Dudley bring me back to life?"

It was five in the morning on the seventeenth of July, and despite the
early hour, all eighteen occupants of Number Twelve Grimmauld
Place were in the kitchen.

In fact, aside from Luna and the twins, they were all standing on the
kitchen table.

Most of them were contemplating the day's mystery. Exactly how had
the entirety of Headquarters ended up flooded?

Hermione was glaring at the Headmaster as if the lack of logic were

his fault. "Sir, how can this happen? Every room in the house, no
matter which floor - not to mention the roof! They all have a covering
of at least two feet of water on the ground! It doesn't make any
sense!"

Dumbledore shifted slightly, trying to inch away from Hermione and

not knock Minerva from the table into the water. "I'm afraid that I
have no answer for you, Miss Granger."

Water suddenly splashed up and showered down onto the

occupants of the table, reminding them all of what had woken them
so early. They all turned to glower at the culprits.

Luna, Fred and George had decided that the new floor covering
would be best put to use as a makeshift swimming pool, and had
even swum down the stairs, which were also covered in water.
"You know the part that disturbs me the most?" Kingsley sighed as
he turned his gaze from the three and down into the water. "The
goldfish."

Fred grinned up at him, grabbed one of the fish and waved it in a

vaguely threatening manner. The fish immediately began to struggle,
and George smacked his brother's head, causing Fred to drop it.

"Very mature, boys," Bill said dryly.

"At least they aren't trying to -" Charlie cut himself off as George
started trying to shove one of the poor goldfish down the back of
Fred's t-shirt. "Never mind."

Molly opened her mouth to scold her sons for their animal cruelty,
but didn't bother as she noticed that Luna was opening the window
for Hedwig.

Hedwig quickly flew over to George and dropped the letter from
Harry on his head. She then dove downwards, caught a goldfish in
her talons and flew back out the window with a self-satisfied hoot.

Everyone stared after her until Ginny remembered that there was a
letter to be read, and so threw a fork at George to remind him of that
little fact.

George opened the slightly damp envelope, shook the letter open
and read it with even more dramatic flair than he had used three
days before.

"' Dear Order,

I have now become a malformed skunk. Yes, skunk. Because

someone forgot to tell Dudley Dursley that he is not a necromancer.

I am slightly confused. Why did Dudley bring me back to life?

Never mind.
Love Harry

PS. I could really use a glass of water. Got any to spare?' "

Ignoring the fact that Harry was evidently becoming more and more
insane by the second, Remus decided to address what he felt was
the most pressing matter in the letter. "Harry had something to do
with this, I just know it!"

Severus turned and raised an eyebrow at the man over the heads of
Neville and Hermione. "You are sounding disturbingly like me this
morning, Remus."

Remus shrugged. "I'm right though, and I know you agree with me.
Somehow, Harry caused this."

"It could just be a coincidence," Tonks offered doubtfully. No one

missed Dumbledore's small sigh of relief that the woman had given
up all traces of Tom Riddle the day before. "Maybe he was just really
thirsty?"

Moody snorted. "You believe that about as much as I do, girl, and we
all know that I'm the suspicious type."

"Really?" Luna asked, wide-eyed. Her affected innocence was

ruined slightly by the fact that she was corralling goldfish between
her hands and herding them in circles. Moody just glared at her.

Minerva sighed and gave up on her dignity and being relatively dry,
stepping down into the water to join the three teenagers. "Whether
Harry is to blame for this or not, there really isn't much we can do to
him currently. I suggest we focus on attempting to drain the building."

"And then once we've achieved that," Arthur added. "We can see
about disabusing Harry of this notion that he's a zombie-skunk."
Oh dear lord, it's a Dear Order chapter! Do try not to die from the
shock of it all.

It has come to my attention that an insanely large amount of people

are reading and reviewing this fic. I love you all. I can't reply to all the
reviews any more, but I still love you all. And I'll try to reply to as
many of you as I can (after I've posted the chapter this time, or it'll
never get out). Now, repeat after me- 'Wolfie loves me and thanks
me for my reviews'.

Ahem. Yes. Anyway.

Thanks for reading, as always, and please review. Reviews make

the author happy, although they can't cure her unfortunate tendency
to type in the third person.

S. Wolf
Letter Eight
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Distinctly Dead Dodo

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Eight - "Feel the melodrama, people!"

It had taken three days to drain the House of Black, dry everything
off and discover what had happened to the goldfish (Luna and
Neville had bribed Kingsley into conjuring several large fish tanks to
house their new pets. Both had then vanished from the cleaning
attempts as they were too busy trying to name their fish).

And yet, despite all the work that had gone into righting the situation,
no one had yet managed to discover how it had happened. The
majority of the inhabitants of the house were of the firm opinion that
Harry was somehow to blame, and Luna, Fred, George and Tonks,
as the ones believed most likely to be conspiring with him, were all
questioned thoroughly.

For once, all four were entirely innocent (of that particular prank, at
least) and the questioning was widened to everyone under fifty, not
including Severus. After all, everyone knew that there was no way
Severus would be helping Harry with anything, let alone pranks.
Also, he was the one doing most of the questioning.

Still, no culprits were found. Eventually Dumbledore even questioned

Minerva, Arthur, Molly and Moody (and Moody questioned him). After
that, even Severus was interrogated thoroughly.

By the time those three days had passed, everyone had pretty much
given up on finding out how Harry had pranked them, or at the very
least, known about the prank.
But because everyone had been so preoccupied, there had been no
time to attempt to speak to Harry about his apparent skunkdom.

The morning that they were awaiting Harry's next letter at the
breakfast table, Luna and Neville were the last to join them.

Charlie, who was a closet romantic and also somewhat of a

conspiracy theorist, gave them a sly grin. "So, where have you
been?"

Neville blushed at the implication, but rolled his eyes as he sat down.
"Not wherever you think I've been."

"We've been in the fish room," Luna said, voice deadpan. "The
difficult task that we have undertaken is almost complete."

Ron raised an eyebrow at Neville. "Difficult task?"

The other boy snorted. "I'd like to see you name seventy-nine fish."

Everyone stared.

"Surely you can't tell them apart?" Tonks asked incredulously. No

one really heard the question Remus asked at the same time, which
had been "didn't you start with eighty?"

"Of course we can," Luna refuted. Her voice still held no inflection,
and it was gaining her odd looks from a few of the others. "Of
course, the task of naming them became a little less tiresome when
Sushi ate Squishy the First. The name Squishy became available
again, you see. Therefore we bestowed the name upon Squishy the
Second."

Thankfully, everyone was saved from commenting upon this when

Hedwig flew through the window, and Remus found himself silently
thanking Harry as he relieved Hedwig of the letter. She remained
perched on his shoulder for a few moments until he realised why she
was still there and gave her some bacon.
Hedwig then soared back out the window while Remus read the
letter. He blinked several times, shook his head rather violently, and
tried again. No, it had not been a figment of his imagination. He
sighed and reread it aloud to the astonished ears of his housemates.

"' Dear Order,

Have decided to stop making such a fuss about being an ex-ghost

malformed skunk. I get the feeling that perhaps you don't all believe
me to be telling the truth.

Instead, I shall angst. Feel the melodrama, people!

Oh woe is me! Oh woe is me! I used to have a Hamster Tree! But it

was eaten by a newt, and now I have no cuddly fruit! Oh woe is me!
Oh woe is me! I used to have a Hamster Tree!

Insert more angst and melodrama here. I am far too busy with my
Potions essay to be emo any longer.

Love Harry' "

"Potions essay?" Severus said weakly. "He's actually doing his

potions essay ?"

Luna snatched the letter from Remus and read the 'Hamster Tree'
paragraph out again, singing it to the tune of 'O Christmas Tree'. She
still managed to keep her voice expressionless, though.

"Well, at least he's over the zombie skunk thing," Tonks said in a
falsely bright voice. "That's a good thing, right?"

"Is it just me, or is he getting more insane with each letter?" Ginny
mused.

"It's just you," Luna said flatly.

"Ignore Luna," Hermione sighed. "He's getting even more insane,

somehow."
"Evidently so," Severus murmured. The man had been visibly
shaken by what he thought was irrefutable proof that Harry needed
to be removed from the Dursleys immediately. "This is Harry Potter
we're talking about! He shouldn't be doing his potions essay ! It
violates the natural order of things!"

"There, there, Professor," Luna comforted, voice still blank. "If it

makes you feel better, Neville and I will name one of the fish after
you. Perhaps one of the Siamese fighting fish."

In no way did this make Severus feel better, and so he left the table
for his potions lab and some therapeutic brewing.

And now Wolfie endeavors to shock her readers with an unusually

quick update. Blame. The. Fish. Or thank them, if you are so
inclined. In fact, ignore the fish in the chapter and blame my fish. He
is new, and unnamed. It would be easier to name eighty fish.
Seriously, my friend and I had a list of about eighty names by the
end of a two hour lecture. I still haven't picked one, but I'm close.

Hm. I seem to have forgotten that I was using the third person. Oh
well.

Thank you, so very much, for all the reviews. I send you all much
love for them.

S. Wolf

PS. As I should have mentioned when I updated, rather than when I

just realised I hadn't mentioned it after the chapter had been up for a
bit (thankfully not long) the Hamster Tree song is not mine. I
shamelessly stole it from Clive Barker's book Abarat.
Letter Nine
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Mechanical Magpie

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Nine - "I think you get the idea."

Minerva McGonagall woke up at nine am on the twenty-third of July

and immediately felt that she was going to have an unusually
irritating day.

It took her a few minutes to work out what could have caused this
feeling, and then after realising that Harry's letter was due, she
acknowledged the more immediate annoyance.

There was a twin in her room.

After several moments of covert observation, as the twin in question

hadn't yet realised that she was awake, she concluded that it was
Fred. She also concluded that whatever he was up to, it needed to
be stopped immediately.

" Fred Weasley !" she snapped, causing Fred to give a rather girlish
scream, leap backwards and fall over a chair, landing with his head
stuck under her bed.

Minerva sighed and peered down at the visible part of the teen.
"What on earth are you doing?"

"I promise you, Professor," he assured her in a muffled voice. "This

isn't what it looks like. Er, unless you thought that it looked as though
I was sneaking around your room in order to find classified
information such as the general location and placement of the
furniture in here, in which case it is what it looks like. Um. Is it safe to
take my head out?"

"Why would it not be?"

"Well… are you going to turn it into a pumpkin?"

"I highly doubt it."

"Are you going to perform any other kinds of disfiguring

transfiguration?"

"I shall resist the urge."

"Thank you. I think." Fred extricated his head and stood quickly. "I'll
just get out of your hair then, Professor…"

"You do that," she sighed. Then she frowned. "Wait."

Fred froze with one foot halfway out the door. "Meep?"

" Why were you investigating my furniture, Weasley?" she

demanded.

He cleared his throat and looked sheepish. "Well, we were sort of

planning a prank, George and me, but now I guess there's no
point… sorry…"

Minerva sighed again. "I see. All right, get out. I wish to get dressed.
Your punishment will be decided later."

Fred blanched and nodded somewhat frantically. "Yes, yes, of

course, leaving now." He turned to continue out the door but paused.
"Also, Professor, I'd just like to say that I'm very impressed with how
intimidating you can be when you're in your bed wearing a green
tartan nightgown."

" Out, Weasley !"

"I'm gone!"

Harry's letter arrived at the end of breakfast, somewhere between

the beginning of the fight between Ron and George over the last
pancake and the announcement from Luna that the final fish had,
after much deliberation, been named Strawberry Cupcake Kitty-Cat.

Minerva, much like everyone else at the table (barring Ron and
George), forgot the letter momentarily in order to stare at the
unrepentant Luna and the somewhat embarrassed Neville.

She was soon reminded of the letter's presence by the arguing

Weasley boys suddenly falling silent. She turned her eyes to them as
she picked the envelope up off the table and realised that Hedwig
had taken it upon herself to settle their dilemma and was currently
tearing the pancake up into more manageable shreds before eating
them.

Shaking her head, Minerva opened the letter.

Dear Order,

I have a question for you regarding the end of summer and my return
to Hogwarts.

I think you get the idea.

Are we there yet?

Love Harry

PS. Are we there yet?

Minerva's eye began to twitch and she handed the letter over to
Severus in silence. It was slowly passed around the table, evoking
the occasional snort of laughter or eye-roll.
Eventually, Dumbledore read the letter and, as the last person to do
so, merely set it down before turning to the others with a mild frown.
"Do you think that perhaps Harry is somewhat bored?"

There was a loud thud as at least five people slammed their heads
onto the table.

If this chapter seems to suck, or not make sense, or something, then

blame the fact that it was written at four in the morning. On the other
hand, yay, update! Hopefully it was at least somewhat enjoyable.

There was something I was going to say, but I don't remember

anymore. Oh yes, now I do. I just thought I should apologize for the
rather long wait between chapters. I'll try not to do that again…

Um, Kitty, please get your paws off the screen. And don't press that
key! Silly Kitty…

Thank you, everyone, for reviewing.

Much love,

Wolfie
Letter Ten
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Memory-Challenged

Chicken

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Ten - "Feel free to lord it over Hermione all you want."

The fact that they hadn't anticipated it in the least was ridiculous.
They should have, really, because they all knew that Harry had a
bizarre and perverse sense of humour, and that he sometimes took a
bad joke too far.

It was very early on what promised to be a very beautiful Friday

morning, and many occupants of Grimmauld Place were waking up
earlier than usual because the house seemed too hot.

"There is sand in my pants," Ginny muttered, still half asleep.

Hermione and Luna opened their eyes for the first time that day to
stare at her. Well, Hermione did.

"Mine too," was Luna's response as she leaned over the side of her
bed. Hermione shifted her attention from Ginny to the blonde,
wondering what she was doing.

After several minutes, Ginny got out of her bed and headed into the
adjoining bathroom, returning moments later with a glass of water
that she emptied over Luna's rather sad-looking sandcastle. "It'll
never work without water, Luna."

"Oh, why thank you, Ginny. I appreciate your assistance."

Hermione just continued to stare from her bed as the two younger
girls, Luna still leaning down and Ginny kneeling on the floor, began
constructing a small fortress.

Minerva, Molly, Arthur and Albus were seated silently at the kitchen
table drinking tea and doing their absolute best to ignore the desert
that the house had transformed into.

Eventually, Molly broke the silence. "Well, at least the house isn't
filled with fish, or any other creatures."

"As far as we've been able to determine as of yet, at least," Minerva

said darkly.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but never got the chance, as
Severus stormed into the kitchen looking utterly homicidal, a worried
Remus on his heels.

"What has happened?" Albus inquired. He and the others watched

curiously as Severus began brewing coffee.

Severus just growled in response and started searching through the

drawers for something.

Albus, Minerva, Molly and Arthur turned as one to Remus, who was
hovering halfway between the doorway and Severus and seemingly
torn between amusement and horror.

"Remus?" Molly prompted after several moments.

Remus cleared his throat and gave them an awkward, tense smile.
"I'm afraid that Severus had an… unpleasant… surprise when he
awoke this morning."

"Go on," Arthur encouraged.

He opened his mouth to do just that, but it snapped shut again when
Severus pulled a very large knife out of the bottom drawer and
began moving towards him with a triumphant smirk.
Molly let out a startled shriek, worried that Severus was about to
attempt murder.

Remus just sighed and stood his ground. "No, Severus."

The potions master stopped moving, but continued to hold the knife
out in front of him. "Remus…"

"I can understand your displeasure, Severus, but I do think that your
current actions are a tad too extreme."

Severus seemed about to begin a long rant regarding exactly why he

was not acting extremely and that his actions were completely
justified, but Kingsley, Charlie and Bill walked into the kitchen at that
point, all looking utterly confused.

"Severus," Kingsley began, apparently not even noticing the overly

large knife being wielded by the man. "Do you happen to know why
there's a camel in your room?"

"Because I'm having camel fillets for breakfast," Severus replied

flatly, lifting his knife meaningfully. "Now if you'd all get out of my
way, Remus, I would like to get on with preparing my meal."

"I… see…" Bill murmured. "Actually, that's a lie, I don't see."

Remus rolled his eyes, stepped forwards and stole the knife from
Severus, tossing it carelessly to the other side of the kitchen, where
it embedded itself in the wall.

Everyone stared at it.

"Severus, sit down ."

Not being entirely stupid, despite his immense rage, Severus did so,
attempting to conceal a wince.

"What happened to you?" Charlie asked, perhaps unwisely.

Severus twitched.

"The camel bit him," Remus explained shortly. "Now he's cranky."

Ron woke up in the living room, noticed that it seemed to resemble a

desert, saw Tonks, Fred, George, Neville and Moody all asleep at
various points around the room, and wondered what the hell had
been slipped into his pumpkin juice last night.

The others awoke slowly, aided by Hermione dragging Ginny and

Luna down the stairs and scolding them loudly for, apparently, not
checking the sand they were playing with carefully enough.

"How were we supposed to know the stuff was infested with

scorpions?" Ginny protested.

Hermione continued her lecture as everyone else joined them from

the kitchen and sat down, with the exception of Severus who loomed
by the doorway menacingly and glowered up the staircase whenever
he thought Remus wasn't paying attention.

Finally, once everyone was as comfortable as they could be with the

copious amounts of sand in various obscure places, it seemed as
though the semi-regular meeting about 'what the hell happened to
the house this time' was ready to start.

However, Hedwig flew through the open window and perched on the
back of the chair Luna had claimed, offering up her letter.

Luna took it calmly, dusted off some rather suspicious sand, read it,
smiled, and pocketed it.

There was a collective twitch from everyone else.

Severus, never exactly patient at the best of times and currently in a

somewhat testy mood, strode over to the blonde and held out a hand
pointedly.
Luna smiled up at him. "Can I help you, Professor?"

"Letter. Now."

Deciding not to risk the man's wrath for the moment, Luna handed it
over.

Severus read it. Severus then quite calmly handed it to the nearest
person who was not Luna, walked over to a wall and slammed his
head into it. Remus pulled him away and shoved him onto a couch.

Ron looked at the letter he was now holding, shrugged, and read it
aloud to sate everyone else's curiosity.

"' Dear Order,

Are we there yet? Oops, wait, sorry, wrong letter. Been there, done
that. Terribly sorry, I'm a tad distracted.

You see, I now have irrefutable proof that Crumple-Horned

Snorkacks do, in fact, exist. There is one perched on my head.

Luna, I will never doubt you again. Feel free to lord it over Hermione
all you want.

If I ever find my camera, I will take a photo. If not, I will just bring the
Snorkack with me to Hogwarts.

Wow, all this excitement is leaving me a little parched. It's almost like
being in a desert. You know the feeling?

Are we there ye - damn, that's a surprisingly hard habit to kick!

Love Harry

PS. For future reference, am still alive.' "

It was Molly who managed to sum up what everyone was feeling in

just two words.
"Oh dear."

I had to restart the chapter twice, and rewrote the letter three times,
but I got there eventually. Yay me.

I need sugar. Or sleep. Or something.

Yep.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this silly little chapter, and
thank you all, so very much, for reviewing. I feel as though that's not
quite in order… but it could be the sleep deprivation talking.

Love to you all,

Wolfie
Letter Eleven

Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Catastrophically

Confused Cockatoo

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Eleven - "Ah, pets are such troublesome things."

The sand was far more difficult to get rid of than the water had been,
and they were still finding scorpions in the strangest of places
(including Bill's cereal and Albus's beard).

Nevertheless, the atmosphere at Grimmauld Place on the 29th of

July was surprisingly cheerful. After all, though they still had a few
traces of the desert left, and though Severus was in a remarkably
foul mood, and though it was late afternoon and they had yet to hear
from Harry, the day itself had been wonderfully uneventful.

Albus, for reasons that no one else could possibly guess at or

explain, had decided to hold a vote on whether or not the 29th had
been a good day. The results of this had been confusing, as despite
Severus's obvious dissatisfaction with it, the outcome had been
unanimous.

After Minerva had counted the vote slips and found one missing
there had been a house-wide hunt, as Severus remained adamant
that he had handed in his slip voting against the day.

Much later, Ron discovered a much chewed voting slip on his pillow
and immediately knew who the culprit had been. However, he chose
not to reveal his findings as he realised that Severus would just use
it as an excuse.
Severus, of course, knew perfectly well who had been at fault in the
misplacement of his vote. Normally this would not especially bother
him, as he honestly couldn't care less about one of Albus's crackpot
surveys.

However, as Severus had experienced four relatively unpleasant

days, and as they had all been unpleasant for the same reason, he
vowed to do something about it.

Ron, on the other hand, knew perfectly well that Severus would be
out for blood (again), and resolved to thwart him at every turn.

As a result, Grimmauld Place was thrown into a chaos that could not
have been more destructive if Harry himself were behind it.

By nine o'clock that night, the Order and students had been divided
into four factions.

The first of these was led by Severus, and had been named (by
Fred) the Anti-Elmer Squad.

Severus had not originally intended to involve any others in his

vendetta against the camel that Ron had adopted after the desert
incident. But Moody had developed an intense dislike of the creature
after it had eaten his toast, and had joined Severus the moment he
got wind of the younger wizard's plans.

As far as Severus could tell, Fred, Ginny and Tonks had merely
taken his side in order to cause mayhem.

The second faction, of course, was the Defenders of the Camel. Ron
had taken action in recruiting people to his cause the moment he
had found the voting slip. Hermione had, as usual, been more than
willing to defend an 'innocent' being from suffering unfairly, and Bill
had developed an affinity for camels during his time in Egypt.
Remus, it seemed, merely wanted to annoy Severus, and George
had declared upon joining that he and Fred had chosen to take
opposing sides 'just for laughs'.

The third faction was a neutral party, and consisted of Albus, Arthur,
Minerva and Molly. The four of them had seated themselves in the
kitchen and were consuming copious amounts of tea, which had led
to Moody snarkily dubbing them the Tea Club on his way through the
kitchen (none of them had missed seeing the pepper he had
grabbed on his way past the bench).

The fourth faction would have never existed if Luna had chosen to
take a side in the Great Camel Debacle. As she did not, she began
to feel left out of the action and created he own side, the Religious
Squirrels, to generate senseless anarchy.

She recruited Neville and Charlie to her cause, despite their protests
and initial attempts to remain neutral. After the third explosion (the
second caused by the Religious Squirrels), Kingsley had slipped out
of the kitchen, abandoning his half-full cup of tea, and joined them of
his own free will.

By ten o'clock, the Tea Club were astonished that the house was still
basically in one piece, and a temporary ceasefire had been agreed
upon by Severus and Ron. The two of them had led their weary
teams into the kitchen and begun helping themselves to the tea -
though both sides were shooting each other constant suspicious
looks as they did so.

Luna and her Religious Squirrel group were nowhere to be seen.

Charlie had appeared several minutes after the Anti-Elmer Squad
and the Defenders of the Camel had sat down, in order to announce,
"The Religious Squirrels have taken possession of the top two floors
of the house, and we plan to base our future operations from Mad-
Eye's bedroom, so he and anyone else on those floors might want to
find somewhere else to sleep. Also, Neville wanted me to remind
Ron to feed Elmer, Kingsley wants a cheese sandwich, and could
someone please feed the inhabitants of Luna and Neville's
ridiculously large aquarium room, because it's on the first floor and
that's Anti-Elmer territory."

Charlie then proceeded to collapse dramatically on the floor, gasping

for breath.

Ron peered at him from the other end of the kitchen. "Elmer's been
fed. Are you all right?"

His brother lifted a hand and attempted to wave reassuringly. It

ended with a rather pathetic flop.

"I'll take care of the fish," Tonks offered. Ginny choked on her tea.

"Uh, maybe I should take care of that?" the younger girl offered. "No
offence, Tonks, but…"

Tonks chuckled wryly. "Good point. I wouldn't want to have to face

Luna and Neville if I damaged any of their precious fish."

"Especially Severus," Ginny agreed, eyes twinkling deviously.

" Especially Severus," Tonks agreed fervently, grinning.

Severus growled a little at the mention of his small blue namesake,

but couldn't muster the energy to complain about the mutinous
words of his subordinates.

Silence reigned in the kitchen as the two groups drank their tea and
rested. Charlie remained prone on the floor until Molly leaned down
and deposited a platter of cheese sandwiches by his nose.

He twitched a little at the scent and his stomach grumbled loudly.

Molly snorted. "Go on, take those upstairs and share them, before
Kingsley starts gnawing chair legs. I know how that man can get
when he doesn't get his cheese sandwiches…"
There was a collective shudder. Everyone knew how Kingsley could
get when deprived of cheese sandwiches - and it wasn't pretty.

Charlie heaved himself to his feet, retrieved the sandwiches from the
floor and retreated to the Religious Squirrel's HQ.

The kitchen fell into silence as everyone drank their tea, besides
Molly who was making more sandwiches for the rest of them.

It was at this point, of course, that a rather tired looking Hedwig flew
through the window. No one even bothered to move, and Severus
allowed her to perch on his shoulder without even a token attempt to
shoo her elsewhere.

He didn't even remove Harry's letter until he had taken his first
sandwich from the plate Molly put in the middle of the table. Chewing
slowly, he untied it and fed Hedwig half of it. She seemed unduly
grateful.

Being exhausted, he chose to read the letter silently, and no one

protested until he dropped it on the table and began attempting to
strangle the air in front of him. Hedwig took flight, heading further
into the house.

Remus reached across the table and took possession of the letter,
and unlike Severus, read it aloud.

"' Dear Order,

Good morning, all!

My Snorkack, Hubert, is a crafty little critter. Very inventive. Loves to

dig.

Sorry if this letter arrives later than usual. I'm a little further away
than I should be. Don't worry, I haven't left Privet Drive. Well, I don't
think I have.
You see, like I said, Hubert loves to dig. He's digging a bottomless
pit in the Dursley's front yard, and I'm afraid that I've fallen in.

Don't worry, as soon as she's done bringing you this letter, Hedwig is
going to bring me some more rope - just like she brought me this
parchment and my quill. I just hope that she remembers to attach it
to something first this time…

Ah, pets are such troublesome things. I hope you're all enjoying the
company of all the animals in Headquarters with you.

Love Harry

PS. My birthday is in two days. I expect gifts. Shiny ones. I also plan
to celebrate. Alcohol here I come…' "

They were all silent until Hedwig flew past them and back out the
window, a coil of thin rope clutched in her talons.

Arthur very slowly placed his tea down on the table. "Now, I don't
want to sound like I'm crazy, but… do you think it's possible that…
he's serious ?"

"Well, he'll be legally allowed to drink alcohol as a wizard once he's

sixteen, I don't see any reason he would joke about such a thing,"
Luna said from the doorway. "And everyone likes shiny things."

"I'm sending him a polished spoon," Ron decided. "That's shiny."

"I'll send him a camel ear," Severus growled half-heartedly. Ron

glared at him feebly.

"Not that, Luna, the Snorkack and the bottomless pit," Hermione
corrected.

Luna gave her a look of genuine surprise, and lowered the cheese
sandwich she was holding without taking a bite. "Why, of course he's
serious. I have never known Harry to kid about such a serious
matter."
Not even Hermione had the energy to enter into a debate about
Snorkacks with Luna Lovegood that night, and so Luna collected a
second platter of cheese sandwiches and a jug of pumpkin juice
before retreating once more to, presumably, Moody's bedroom.

If nothing else, this chapter just proves that I have no control over
this story whatsoever. It was never meant to be this way! In fact, I
genuinely have no idea how it did turn out like this.

Nevertheless, this is the way it turned out. And so, War has
overtaken the Order of the Bird Of Your Choice and Severus Snape
still might get his camel fillets. Whatever shall happen next? It is
impossible to predict.

Besides, the real question is this: How, exactly, is Hedwig going to tie
that rope to anything? She may be the most awesome owl since,
well, ever, but still, she is an owl.… How is she going to catch up to
Harry, who has presumably been falling for many hours now? And if
Hubert the Snorkack gets tired and takes a break, will it result in our
Boy-Hero's untimely demise?

In case it was not blatantly obvious, this author's note is being

written on sleep deprivation (is what happens when internet-deprived
Wolfie temporarily gets internet).

Um. Okay then. Please review. Because I love each and every one
of you reviewers like I love kittens, bettas, candy and Adam Hills.
Seriously. I only wish I could take the time to respond to each and
every one of you.

Love to all,

Wolfie
Letter Twelve
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Overly Inebriated Owl

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Twelve - "Ow."

A temporary truce had been called over the next two days in order
for everyone to organize the procuration of birthday presents, wrap
them (or have someone else wrap them, in several cases), and send
them off into the darkness.

On Harry's sixteenth birthday the Anti-Elmer Squad and the

Defenders of the Camel resumed warfare and the Tea Club
reclaimed the kitchen. Leadership of the Religious Squirrels had
been transferred from Luna to Kingsley, and Molly was making sure
that all three factions received regular deliveries of sandwiches and
pumpkin juice.

Luna, having abandoned the Religious Squirrels early on in the day,

had taken to sitting mysteriously still in the corner of the kitchen and
staring blankly at the wall with a vague smirk. Occasionally, she
would chuckle. When asked, she had assured the Tea Club that she
was 'quite fine, thank you', and seeing as she was eating regularly
and taking bathroom breaks they let her be.

The next day Luna rejoined the Religious Squirrels just in time to
assist with a raid on the Defenders of the Camel that nearly resulted
in Elmer being camel-napped. Luckily Bill intercepted Charlie and
Neville just in time to prevent them making off with the animal and
the Squirrels were forced to retreat. Luna chose to have Kingsley
remain their leader, as he was having entirely too much fun to give
up the position without, as she put it, 'sulking away the rest of the
war'.

At around seven that evening, Molly enlisted the rest of the Tea Club
to assist her in locating everyone in the building and bringing them
into the kitchen for 'a proper dinner' (using force, if necessary).

No one bothered to protest too much (except Kingsley, who would

have been more than happy with his cheese sandwiches, and
Severus, just on principle) and by eight thirty they were all seated
around the kitchen table, on which was more vegetables and roasted
meat than they would possibly be able to eat. Many of them
suspected that Molly was going to be sending them leftovers instead
of sandwiches during the following day's warfare.

Hedwig flew into the room in a decidedly odd manner and crash-
landed in a bowl of mashed potatoes in an Errol-like fashion. Ginny
rescued both her and Harry's letter, handing the latter to Ron and
taking Hedwig to the sink.

Ron reluctantly put his fork down, swallowed his mouthful and
opened the letter, beginning to read as Ginny attempted to rinse the
worst of the potato off Hedwig.

"' Dear Order,

Ow. My head. Harry no like hangover.

Love Harry.' "

"That's it?" Fred demanded, staring at Ron in astonishment.

George looked highly affronted. "He didn't even say thank you!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "I was taking a break, calm down." He quickly
ate a few mouthfuls, choked, and had to be rescued by Mad-Eye.

"Chew your food, laddie," the auror growled.

Once Ron had fully recovered, he resumed reading Harry's letter.

"' PS. Ron, thanks for the soup spoon. It's very shiny. Snape, no
thanks for the voodoo camel. You have serious issues. Stop picking
on Elmer.' Hey, how does Harry know about Elmer?"

"I am of the belief that he had been behind all of the strange
happenings here this summer," Severus said dryly.

"Yes, but you also believe Harry is behind overpriced potions

ingredients, global warming, and that door," Remus said, gesturing
to the basement door on the other side of the kitchen.

Severus did not strangle Remus. He thought he was being very

restrained. Luna began smirking at the wall again.

Ron cleared his throat, apparently ignoring the mystery of Harry's

knowledge of Elmer for the time being. " 'Fred, George, I'm sure
you're both falling off the edge of your seats in anticipation… so I'll
thank you guys last. Ha.' "

Fred and George, never ones to turn down a challenge, both fell off
the edge of their seats. George managed to flip a forkful of peas at
Minerva in the same move, and was rewarded by a rainfall of
carrots. Albus averted Fred's attempt at avenging his twin and
stopped the emerging food fight in its tracks. As the twins clambered
back onto their chairs the Headmaster gestured for Ron to continue
reading.

"' Molly, Arthur, thanks for the cake and pies and candy and
vegetables and… other food… and for the disco ball. It looks great in
my current location.' "

Ron looked up and stared at his parents in shock. "Disco ball?"

Molly blushed slightly and gave Arthur a reproachful look, at which

he smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "It's shiny, and he seems to like
it."
Rolling his eyes once more, Ron resumed reading. " 'Professor
McGonagall, I really appreciate you going to the trouble of buying my
schoolbooks this year. I'd attempt to pay you back but I read the note
you wrote in my Transfiguration text, so I'll just be grateful and say
thank you and keep my spleen right where it is.' "

Minerva's smile was smug and not a little vindictive, but she didn't
speak and no one dared to ask exactly what her note to Harry had
contained.

"' Sherbet lemons, shiny socks, a cake and a new set of robes…
thanks, Headmaster. I will make use of everything you sent me - I'll
eat the sweets and cake, I'll wear the socks, and I'll use these robes
as a defence against Death Eaters someday - because no one can
see electric blue robes with pineapples and bananas on them and
remain unscarred.' " Ron shuddered. "I can't even imagine them and
remain unscarred," he moaned.

"It is a truly terrifying image," Luna said gravely, still staring at the
wall.

No one but Albus disagreed, and he merely murmured something

about no one understanding his fashion sense these days (" What
sense?" Mad-Eye scoffed) before waving a hand at Ron.

"' Hermione, this new copy of Hogwarts: A History is fantastic - you

realise that Ron and I have never read it before simply because you
never let it out of your clutches, right? Now I can finally discover why
you like it so much… has it got dirty pictures in it? Is that why?' " By
the time he finished reading that paragraph Ron was shaking with
barely-contained laughter.

His brothers, Ginny and Neville had no such restraint - Fred and
George fell off their chairs once more, while Bill and Charlie were
slapping each other on the back. Neville was bright red but still
laughing, and Ginny was snickering as well - though more at the
outraged expression on Hermione's face than at Harry's words.
Hermione sputtered near-incoherently in an attempt to deny such
'heinous accusations' against her personal bible, and eventually
worked her way to a full sentence, directed at Ron. "I don't really
prevent you two from reading it, do I?"

Ron answered reluctantly. "Well… you've never offered to lend either

of us your copy. And that one time I tried to borrow it you yanked it
out of my hands and hit me over the head with it, which, by the way,
hurt ."

"You tried to borrow it? The only time I remember hitting you with
Hogwarts: A History was when you tried to steal it while I was
reading it…"

"You were raving about this one section, I just wanted to see!"

She gaped at him. "I thought you were going to throw it out a window
!"

They stared at each other in shocked silence for a few moments

before Hermione began giggling and Ron's hold over his laughter
broke at this apparent misunderstanding. Eventually Ron calmed
himself, the twins reclaimed their seats once more and everyone
settled down to pay attention.

"' Ooh, shiny… a shiny plant! Thanks Neville, you'll have to tell me all
about it next time you see me. I'm sure that you have more
information than what you put in your accompanying note.' A shiny
plant, Neville?"

Neville shrugged, still slightly red. "It has healing properties."

"Certainly something Potter will be able to make use of," Severus

said.

Ron nodded amicably and returned his eyes to the letter. " 'Bill - love
the pyramid pyjamas, particularly the way they twirl so hypnotically
and send you right to slee…' "
Tonks snickered. "Well that will solve any insomnia he may be
experiencing."

Bill grinned. "Plus they're red, so with the little gold pyramids they're
very house-oriented."

Severus gave a disgusted snort.

"'… Okay, I'm back. Charlie, these dragon-hide gloves are the most
awesome gloves I have ever owned, thanks!' "

"Sewed them myself," Charlie said with a straight face. Ginny, Molly
and Bill knew better and laughed at him.

"' Ginny, Tonks, I love you. This is the most fantastically hilarious
collection of photographs I have ever seen. I really like the 'Tommy in
bikini', 'Tommy Snogging Twin', 'Tommy Flirting with Many Weasley
Males in Drag', and 'Tommy Doing Laundry in McGonagall's Green
Tartan Dressing Gown' in particular.' "

Ginny and Tonks grinned.

Kingsley frowned. "Wait, wait. Is that Tommy in drag or Weasley

males in drag?"

Five Weasley males went bright red. Arthur chuckled and answered
for them. "Weasley males in drag. It was… entertaining to watch, to
say the least."

"What kind of father are you?" Fred asked while George gave a
scandalised gasp.

Arthur gave him a steady look. "One who's spent over eighteen
years raising you two, which gives me every right to make fun of you
mercilessly."

"Touché, Dad," they chorused.

Ron took a drink of water before he spoke, half wishing he had given
the letter to someone else - they were all still able to eat. " 'Thanks
for the hipflask, Mad-Eye, and thanks even more for filling it up.
Ultimate thanks for sending those hangover potions as well - they
were put to very good use.' "

Molly probably would have read Mad-Eye the riot act for giving Harry
alcohol, but the ex-Auror had evidently foreseen her reaction and
Silenced her before she had the chance. Ron actually sighed in
relief.

"' Kingsley… um. Thanks for the cheese sandwich? It was great. And
thanks for the new trunk; my old one just wasn't cool anymore.' "

Everyone took a moment to raise an eyebrow or two at Kingsley,

who shrugged. "Cheese sandwiches are good for the soul."

Ron shook his head slowly. " 'Ah, Remus, what can I say? That is
possibly the shiniest feather boa in existence, and it frightens me
that you say it used to belong to Sirius. My father's sparkly shoes are
no better. Are you trying to traumatise me?… but thanks for the
chocolate and my mother's locket. Insert sappy sentimental hug and
tears here.' "

Remus seemed torn between a mischievous cackle and a rather

teary smile. It made for an interesting facial expression.

Molly smiled gently at him and patted him on the shoulder.

Severus, on the other hand, stared at him in horror. "Was it… that
feather boa?"

"Yes, Severus, yes it was," Remus admitted, almost smirking.

With a shudder, Severus turned to Ron. "Keep reading, Weasley,

and assist me in blocking the existence of that monstrosity out of my
memory once more."
"Gladly. 'Luna… nice robe. I bet this is what all the fashionable Death
Eaters are wearing this season.' "

"Lovegood, did you send Potter my robe?"

"Indeed I did. You instructed me to never return it to your

possession; as such I determined that it would be sufficiently shiny to
appease Harry's wishes."

Severus shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Can I finish? Thank you. 'Thanks, all. Love Harry, again.' "

"That's it?" George shrieked, grabbing Fred dramatically.

"Are we truly that unloved?" Fred asked shakily, clutching onto

George's arm.

Ron chuckled. "Fine, fine, I'll stop torturing you. 'PPS. Oh all right,
Fred, George, I didn't forget you guys. Thank you, from the bottom of
my slightly tipsy heart, for the firewhisky, the enchanted singing
mice, the magical bubble-wrap, the Gryffindor coloured potions set
(which I will definitely be using if I get into Snape's potions class), the
plethora of fake wands and, most of all, for the owl-cohol. Hedwig
loves the stuff. I hope I won't have to send her to AAA meetings.

Third time's the charm, Love Harry,'. "

Molly was still unable to speak, but attempted to launch herself

across the table to throttle her sons. Arthur held her back, pointing
out that Harry was of age now, after all, and at least he had Mad-
Eye's hangover potions. This did little to appease Molly.

Severus was twitching at the very thought of red and gold potions
equipment, and most likely at the thought of Harry making it into his
class as well (he had, in fact, done so, but Severus had been trying
to repress that fact until the beginning of term).
Finally Ginny asked the question that was on most of their minds.
"What's AAA?"

"Avian Alcoholics Anonymous," Luna, Fred and George answered.

Hedwig's hoot sounded embarrassed from where she was perched

on the dish rack, attempting to finish cleaning and drying her
feathers. Ginny petted her head sympathetically.

Kingsley sighed. "I'm not sure that Harry is the only disturbed one of
you lot."

Fred and George feigned insult. Luna merely giggled at the wall.

It's been less than two months. No one die of shock, now. Not only
that, but this is the longest chapter yet.

Wolfie may have forgotten to go anywhere today, but it turned out for
the best in many ways. Wolfie also should have gone to bed hours
ago, but refused to leave this chapter unfinished. Why? Well, what if
Wolfie had left it half done and gone to bed… and woken up with no
idea of where to take the chapter? Is tragic, tragic thing when this
happens.

Well, because Wolfie loves you, Wolfie chose to post almost

immediately after completion. She gave it a reread, fixed a few
things, added a few things (that last part about Hedwig, because
Hedwig sort of got forgotten in the reading of the letter), and is now
writing this author's note as ramblingly as possible.

Wolfie would also like to announce that she has internets now, and
while this does not necessarily mean more frequent updates, it will
mean that when Wolfie has things to post she will be able to do so.
Like right now. So yay.

Wolfie is going to bed now, and in her sleep will send unconscious
love-waves around the world to her reviewers.
Love to all readers,

Wolfie
Letter Thirteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Terminally Tardy

Toucan

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Thirteen - "Hello again."

In the aftermath of Harry's birthday letter, the war between the

Defenders of the Camel, the Anti-Elmer Squad, and the Religious
Squirrels seemed to lose importance to those involved. It helped that
Hermione had realised all of a sudden that she had been neglecting
her summer homework (and that none of the other students in
residence had so much as looked at theirs), and had taken it upon
herself to End Things that very afternoon.

As a result, Elmer was safely confined to a locked room two floors

away from Severus' bedroom, Kingsley had been given a big platter
of cheese sandwiches to appease his disappointment at the fun
ending, and Severus was assured that Elmer could not escape
(Dumbledore and Moody had cast the locking spells themselves).

Life at Grimmauld Place quickly returned for what passed for normal,
and remained that way until the next morning, an hour or so before
lunch.

Severus was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee because the tea
supply was running dangerously low, when Moody sat heavily in a
chair across the table from him and regarded him seriously.

After a few moments of silence, Severus sighed and looked up,

meeting the man's gaze and raising an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I think you might be onto something, Snape."

Severus blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"About Potter being in the house."

"I've said no such thing, Moody. The boy couldn't possibly be here
without our knowing." Severus gave the man a pointed look. " You
surely would have spotted him by now."

Moody shook his head and banged his hand on the table. "Lupin
said just the other day that you believed Potter to be behind the
basement door," he growled.

Severus sighed. "You can't believe everything you hear from Remus,
Mad-Eye. In fact, you can rest assured that if it pertains to what I do
or not believe in regards to Potter, it is in fact untrue."

Moody grumbled to himself, but didn't reply, and moments later took
his leave.

Severus should have known that wouldn't be the end of things.

By the next day, Moody had managed to convince the two oldest
Weasley boys, Tonks, and even Minerva, that Harry was somewhere
within the walls of Grimmauld Place.

Fred and George, overhearing the conversation, had decided that

Moody meant that Harry was literally in the walls, and had taken to
knocking on them at random moments, calling out to Harry.
Needless to say, they had not received any response.

Ron had attempted to join the search, even though he doubted that
Harry was anywhere but Little Whinging, but Hermione had instantly
cottoned onto his plan to avoid his homework and had dragged him
back to the kitchen by his ear.

The only other person who was involved in the search was Kingsley,
who had confided to the former Tea Club that though he didn't
believe Moody's theory that Harry was hiding in the house, he
missed the adventure of the Camel War and just wanted in on the
fun.

Kingsley also confided in the Tea Club (and consequently the five
school age members of the household, who had spread their
homework over more than half of the kitchen table) that he
suspected that something had happened to Moody's magical eye -
surely the search would have been moot had the eye been working.

Albus had seemed highly amused at Kingsley's suspicions, though if

he knew Kingsley was wrong or perhaps he knew that Kingsely was
correct, no one was certain.

That evening, Molly served dinner with several frowns toward the
end of the table the students were taking up. Everyone else had
crowded around the empty half, aside from the students themselves
who had each cleared just enough room for their own plates, and
Severus, who had taken his plate and set it pointedly atop a pile of
Potions essays (one from each student) and was not taking any
particular care against spilling anything. Hermione was far too
concerned about the safety of her essay, which was at the top of the
pile, to even remember to eat her own dinner.

Midway through the meal, Hedwig flew through the open window
holding Harry's letter in her beak, and landed gracefully on the back
of an empty chair. She looked around the table with a rather pointed
stare, as if to ask why no one had taken the letter from her yet and
by the way, where was her dinner?

Neville stood from his seat and took the envelope, and rather
thoughtfully plated a few extras from dinner and set them in front of
the chair Hedwig had claimed. She hooted at him appreciatively and
dug in, while Neville returned to his own seat to open the letter and
read it out.

" 'Dear Order,

Hello again. It's me, Harry. You may remember me from such letters
as the one soaked in lavender oil,' "

Remus snorted. "How could I possibly forget?"

"I've been meaning to ask you about that, Remus," Tonks said. "Are
you allergic to lavender or something?"

"Not exactly," Remus said with a shrug. "I've just got a very sensitive
nose, being a werewolf, and certain scents just… make me sneeze.
Lavender being one of them, which Harry knew full well. That brat."

Neville cleared his throat a little nervously and continued. " 'or the
previous one that was alarmingly long.

I feel the need, today, to remind you that I am in fact still alive.
Actually, thanks to the peculiar talent Crumple-Horned Snorcacks
have of reversing botched necromancy, I'm not even a zombie skunk
any more.' "

"Thank heavens," Arthur joked.

" 'And in case you've been wondering, Hedwig did manage to rescue
me from Hubert's bottomless pit just before my birthday. I really
ought to fill that in.

In totally unrelated news, I haven't seen Dudley for a couple of

days…

Love Harry' ."

There was, as often was the case, several moments of silence after
Neville had finished reading, broken only by the sound of Hedwig
finishing off her chicken.

Minerva broke it with a sigh. "Albus, perhaps one of us should go

and make sure Potter hasn't genuinely lost his cousin down a
bottomless hole."
The Headmaster, unsurprisingly, shook his head. "I am certain,
Minerva, that both Harry and his cousin are perfectly safe."

"If the boy's down a pit, you're going down to fetch him out," she said
ominously.

"Very well, my dear."

Er, hello again. This is Wolfie, letting you know she's not dead. And
is, in fact, still writing.

Wolfie will not make promises, because she cannot keep them, but
she does have Plans, and ideas for at least the next chapter (you
know, cos something's up with Mad-Eye's eye and stuff).

Wolfie hopes everyone enjoyed this chapter.

Much Love,

Wolfie
Letter Fourteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Horrifically Harried

Hawk

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Fourteen - "After finishing my Potions homework…"

It didn't take long for Bill and Charlie to lose interest in Moody's
search for Harry and go in search of food, leaving only Kingsley and
Tonks assisting Moody. Their return to the kitchen provided a
welcome distraction from homework for all but Hermione, though
even she reluctantly let her attention be drawn from her
Transfiguration essay in order to hear what they had to say.

"There's definitely something up with Mad-Eye's magical eye," Bill

said as he helped himself to a sandwich. "There isn't a spell or
potion known that can fool it, so I can't believe that Mad-Eye thinks
it's possible that Harry's found one. And he'd have finished searching
within the hour if he trusted what he was seeing with it."

Charlie nodded, hastily swallowing his own sandwich in order to add,

"So Bill and I thought we might take a look around to see if Mad-
Eye's lost it around here or something."

"Surely he would have mentioned something if it had gone missing

here?" Molly said, only seeming to be paying half attention. She was
making yet more sandwiches to add to the platter on the table,
having taken to keeping it full and under charms to keep them fresh.
It had become almost impossible to gather everyone for regular
meals over the past few days, not to mention the growing piles of
essays and schoolbooks taking up the table, and this way she felt
sure that no one was going hungry.
"'Course he wouldn't," Bill scoffed, "not exactly 'constant vigilance' to
lose your own eye, Mum."

Arthur nodded. "That's a good point. He did mention having some

difficulties with it a couple of weeks ago."

Bill frowned thoughtfully but didn't speak as Kingsley, looking oddly

morose, drifted into the kitchen to inspect the sandwich platter. After
a moment his shoulders slumped, he looked up, bestowing a
sorrowful look of betrayal upon Molly, and then left the room empty
handed.

Molly sighed loudly. "Honestly, that man!" she huffed.

Albus chuckled, eyes twinkling over his tea cup. "Perhaps he would
be better pleased if there were some sandwiches with cheese in
them, Molly?"

"There are several different types of sandwich on that platter, Albus,

at least half of which contain cheese!" she snapped. "He refuses to
eat them unless they're on plain white bread with nothing more than
cheese and butter!"

There was a moment of quiet during which Hermione, Arthur, and

the four present Weasley children all shivered in fear. Refusing to eat
Molly Weasley's cooking was likely to result in a similar outcome to
most of Fred and George's potion experiments - explosive and
messy.

Then Albus cleared his throat, albeit a little nervously. "Ah, well,
perhaps-"

"NO!" Charlie, Bill, and Ginny shouted.

The Headmaster fell silent in utter shock, unused to being both

shouted at and interrupted. He then took notice of the distinctly
worrisome way Molly was wielding the butter knife, a dangerous glint
in her eye, and thought better of suggesting she just make Kingsley
some plain cheese sandwiches.

He cleared his throat again. "Perhaps he should be less, ahem,

picky?" he suggested weakly.

Molly relaxed her grip on the knife slightly, and the tension in the
room lessened, but no one dared speak for almost half an hour.

Hermione was getting into the most interesting part of her essay and
even having a bit of a breakthrough, managing to ignore Ron's
grumbling about being bored, Ginny acting out a goblin war with a
set of salt and pepper shakers, Neville humming happily to himself
as he wrote his Herbology essay, and even that Luna was drawing a
large picture of a flamingo over the top of her Charms essay and
giggling maniacally.

Naturally, that moment of peace and quiet and wonderful intellectual

realizations was the moment that Hedwig arrived with a loud hoot
and completely erased all Transfiguration epiphanies from
Hermione's mind.

Hedwig flew to the back of an empty chair across the table, and once
she was still they could all see her tail feathers were singed and she
looked quite ruffled.

"Oh my," Minerva murmured, reaching out and smoothing the

feathers on the owl's head. Hedwig hooted thankfully in response.

As though they knew Harry's letter had arrived, Remus and Severus
stepped into the room, followed by the twins. The latter two walked
over to Hedwig, Fred taking the letter and George looking closely at
her tail feathers.

"I thought I heard Hedwig," Remus said with a smile. "Have we read
Harry's letter yet?"

"Not yet," Arthur said. "I suppose someone ought to."

"Er, Professor," George said suddenly, turning to Severus. "Is it just
me, or does Hedwig look as though she's just escaped a potions
explosion?"

Severus inspected the owl, and then scowled. "Yes, Weasley, it does
appear that way."

"I think you better open that letter, Fred," Ron suggested, dropping
his quill eagerly.

Fred grinned and nodded before doing so.

" ' Dear Order,

After finishing my Potions homework,' " Fred paused to grin at the

barely suppressed groan Severus let out at that. " 'I have realised
that a few of the potions we were assigned to study could be altered
and in some cases greatly improved by the addition of a few
common spices.' "

Severus sat down, very pale.

" 'Aunt Petunia wasn't particularly pleased to find me experimenting

with them in the kitchen, for some reason. She kept muttering
something about kelp. Odd woman.

Love Harry

PS. Could someone come and grow my eyebrows back, please?' "

"Are you all right, Professor?" Hermione asked, noticing that Severus
seemed to be shaking.

The Potions Master let out a choked sound that was, after a few
seconds, recognizable as a laugh. "Potter is experimenting with
potions. Oh dear lord. He's going to bring Hogwarts down around our
ears." He continued muttering in this vein under his breath. Remus
patted him on the shoulder in an attempt at comfort.
"Right then!" Bill said suddenly, standing from his chair and striking a
dramatic pose. "I'm going on a dangerous mission to find Mad-Eye
Moody's magical eye! Who's with me?"

Ron, Charlie, and Ginny immediately leapt from their seats, along
with the slightly less enthusiastic Neville and Luna, and the five of
them followed Bill out of the kitchen.

Hermione shrugged, tossed down her quill, and joined them.

What is this a second update in one year? Ahem. Wolfie wishes she
had more time to write, as Wolfie would dearly love to update weekly
or something. Alas, Wolfie spends too much time
working/procrastinating/sleeping.

Wolfie hopes this chapter is up to scratch, and also hopes she

manages to get the next chapter out a bit sooner. There is currently
a very brief outline for each of the remaining chapters, so if nothing
else, Wolfie knows where Dear Order is going.

And now Wolfie needs to actually be at work in less than eight hours
and therefore must get some sleep.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and to everyone who has
read this chapter. Wolfie hopes everyone got some kind of
enjoyment from it.

Much, Much, Much Love,

Wolfie
Letter Fifteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Marvellously Magical

Macaw

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Fifteen - "You may notice that Hedwig is a little more

colourful than usual."

After two days, Hermione was ready to admit they were never going
to find Moody's magical eye. Unfortunately, she was the only one of
the group willing to give up, and given some of the things they had
come across during the search, she wasn't quite ready to walk away.

They had crossed paths with Moody, Tonks, and Kingsley several
times, though they hadn't told them what they were doing. Moody
seemed to be becoming more and more irritated with his lack of
success, while Kingsley was still sulking over his lack of cheese
sandwiches. Tonks had confided that she was only still tagging along
because she found both their attitudes highly entertaining.

They had also, very early one morning, encountered an escaped

camel on the fourth floor. The five of them had stared silently, and
Elmer had stared back. Then both the group of humans and the
camel went their own way.

Hermione did wonder how he had escaped, though by lunch time

she had her suspicions. They had found Fred and George cackling
in the attic, which seemed rather like an admission of guilt (though it
could also be attributed to the fluffy pink stuffed unicorn Fred was
holding. Hermione was fairly certain she didn't want to know).

They had also passed an amused Remus on the stairs late that
night, followed by Severus, muttering furiously to himself and
glowering suspiciously at Luna, who just smiled innocently.

A few hours after that, Charlie fell asleep with his forehead resting
against the door of a second floor bathroom. Moments later Bill,
leaning against the wall, stopped speaking mid-sentence, and after
several prompts for him to finish what he was saying, they realised
he too had fallen asleep. They had thoughtfully moved both men to
actually lie on the floor before heading further down the hallway.

Soon, Ginny tripped on a rug and chose to stay down, Luna

shrugging and lying on the floor beside her. Ron, too, barely made
into the next room, passing out in the doorway.

Hermione and Neville had crossed the hallway to the next nearest
bedroom, though neither of them actually made it to a bed before
curling up on the floor and falling asleep.

The first thing Hermione noticed when she woke up was the
birdsong, and the second was the rock digging uncomfortably into
her hip.

She didn't open her eyes immediately. Instead, she shifted to a more
comfortable spot, contemplated whether they had all been victims of
a sleeping spell of some kind, and inhaled the fresh, earthy, floral
scent of the rainforest.

"Hermione?" she heard Neville say softly from somewhere to her left.
"Are you awake?"

She sighed. "Yes, Neville, I believe I am."

"We appear to be in a rainforest."

"You mean Headquarters has been decorated as a rainforest, this

time?"
Neville hesitated before answering, and in the silence Hermione
thought she heard a roar. "No, I mean we actually seem to be in a
rainforest."

Hermione opened her eyes and stared up through the canopy of

trees in shock. She could see sunlight through cracks between the
trees, saw a few large, colourful birds flying above her, even thought
she saw a monkey of some kind swinging from branch to branch.

"When I find out how Harry is doing this, I am going to do something

very unkind to him," Hermione said, as calmly as she possibly could.
It didn't seem to have been calm enough, as Neville looked rather
nervous when she sat up to look at him. "I wonder where everyone
is?"

Neville shrugged, looking behind them to where the doorway had

been. "I'd say somewhere out there in the wilderness, since we don't
seem to have rooms to judge by."

They headed in the direction they thought they had come from the
night before, and while they didn't find any of the others, they did find
a staircase.

Hermione just stared. "There can't be a staircase in a rainforest,

Neville."

Neville gingerly patted her on the shoulder. "There, there. It's magic,
remember?"

They chose to descend, and eventually found the rest of the

occupants of the house sitting in a small clearing, around a large
rock with a platter of sandwiches upon it.

"I take it this is the kitchen?" Hermione asked, sitting down next to
Ginny and reaching for a sandwich.

"Judging from the sandwiches, we believe so," Albus replied. "Did

everyone enjoy their morning stroll through the rainforest?"
He received many glares and a couple of eye rolls, one cheery "oh
yes!" from Luna, and an embarrassed smile and nod from Neville.

"That boy has gone too far this time," Moody growled. His magical
eye was spinning wildly, though no one believed it was doing him
any good.

"I'm not sure Potter is behind any of this at all," Severus muttered,
eyeing Luna with great suspicion.

No one paid him any attention, and he himself forgot all about Luna
as Elmer walked into view, seemingly intent on reaching the
sandwich platter.

Directly behind the camel was a large tiger. Everyone tensed, pulling
their wands out ready to defend themselves.

Hermione was closest to the tiger, and almost started backing away
until she looked the animal in his yellow eyes. She blinked.
"Crookshanks?"

The tiger let out an odd mewling sound and gave Hermione a
pathetic, put upon look. Hermione quickly put away her wand and
ran to her cat-turned-tiger, cooing at him. "Oh my poor baby, what
did that mean, nasty Harry do to you?"

After a few minutes of soaking up Hermione's sympathy and love,

Crookshanks looked up and growled fiercely. Elmer froze mere
inches from the sandwich platter, having snuck closer while
everyone was watching Hermione. He was, in fact, standing directly
beside Severus, who when he noticed leapt backwards, swearing
loudly.

Crookshanks snarled, and Elmer slowly retreated until he was out of

sight.

"I'm rather fond of your cat in this form, Miss Granger," Severus
admitted, smirking. "Perhaps we should keep him this way."
Hermione glared, though Crookshanks himself didn't seem adverse
to the idea.

They all looked up as a large blue and yellow bird dove down at
them, startled when it landed on Kingsley's shoulder.

"Is that a Macaw?" Charlie asked, leaning closer to investigate.

"No," Kingsley said, a pained look on his face. "I believe it's an owl."

The bird gave a strangled sound halfway between a screech and a

hoot, seemingly to confirm Kingsley's statement.

"That's Hedwig?" Remus said, startled. "How could you tell?"

"The way her talons are yet again drawing my blood was enough to
give me a hint," Kingsley told him dryly.

Charlie reached over and untied the letter from Hedwig's leg,
stroking her back for a moment before opening the letter.

" 'Dear Order,

I went hunting for some kelp, because Aunt Petunia seemed to think
my potions needed some. I don't know where she got that idea, all I
managed was to set fire to her kitchen curtains and turn my Pepper-
Up Potion pink.' "

"I sincerely hope he didn't drink any," Bill chuckled.

Severus snorted. "I sincerely hope he did ."

Charlie rolled his eyes. " 'Anyway, I poured it down the sink and it
worked wonders on the blockage we had.

I made Aunt Petunia some tea to make up for destroying her

curtains, but for some reason she just screamed and threw it at me
before running away. I am beginning to suspect she has had some
bad experiences with Potions.' "
Both Remus and Severus coughed to cover a guilty laugh and an
evil snicker, respectively.

" 'You may notice that Hedwig is a little more colourful than usual. I
think she fell into a couple of paint tins, or has been dabbling in
home decorating. I may need to check her cage for hidden owl-
cohol, in case she has fallen off the wagon.' " Charlie paused and
gave Hedwig a sympathetic smile. "I wouldn't blame you if you had."
She squawked sadly in response.

"Poor Hedwig," the twins chorused. "Spending so much time with

Harry would drive anyone to drink."

" 'Well, still alive for now,

Love Harry' ."

Hedwig, having done her duty, took off from Kingsley's shoulder and
flew into the distance.

No one spoke.

"Now what?" Ron said, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know about the rest of you," Severus began, a predatory light
in his eyes, "but I'm taking Granger's tiger and going camel hunting."
And with that, he headed off in the direction Elmer had gone,
Crookshanks obediently following at his heels.

"Hey!" Ron shouted. "Leave Elmer alone!" He stood and gave chase.
Grinning, the other four Weasley boys followed.

"Well, that sounds fun," Luna said to the nearest tree. "I believe I
shall go along."

Ginny jumped up at that. "Luna scents shenanigans like Kingsley

does cheese sandwiches," she explained at seeing the startled looks
from her parents. "I'm not missing out."
Kingsley followed along too, possibly because the mere mention of
his favourite food drew him in.

Hermione sighed. "Well, I can't exactly go back to my homework.

Knowing Harry, it's currently flying about the tree tops."

"And we can't go back to what we were doing," Neville added with a

wary glance at Moody. "Everything we were looking through is rocks
and leave now."

"Plus, you really just want the chance to study some of the plants,"
she teased.

Neville smiled sheepishly. "Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure I saw a giant
flower eat a monkey earlier. I want to find that one!"

Hermione laughed. "Of course."

They shared a look, grinned, and chased after the others.

Why, hello again. Fancy us meeting again so soon. Despite needing

sleep and having a nasty headache, Wolfie decided to have a go at
starting chapter fifteen. And found herself finishing it.

The rainforest was originally going to appear at the beginning of

chapter fourteen, but it just didn't fit. It may or may not be gone by
chapter sixteen. Wolfie will not know until said chapter is written.

Wolfie's furry feline friend Harvey wishes Wolfie to provide food,

therefore Wolfie must post this chapter quickly before Harvey starts
chewing Wolfie's typing fingers.

Hoping everyone enjoyed this chapter, and that no one has died of
the shock from such a quick update.

Much love to all,

Wolfie
Letter Sixteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Pretty Purple

Penguin

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Sixteen - "Mm, sandwich."

Late that first evening, everyone gathered once more around the
rock that held the sandwich platter to eat and discuss their day.

Despite all the other food from the kitchen being missing, the
sandwich platter had still been continually topped up throughout the
day. No one really suspected Molly, as Kingsley's precious plain
cheese sandwiches had made an appearance, but it was unknown
whether it had been the Headmaster, another member of the Order,
just part of the rainforest spell, or perhaps a house elf.

"Speaking of house elves," Ron said suddenly through a mouthful of

sandwich, "has anyone actually seen Kreacher this summer?"

There was silence as everyone exchanged startled glances.

"I remember seeing him the first week back from Hogwarts,"
Hermione answered. "Just once or twice, wandering from room to
room. But I haven't seen him since."

"It has definitely been a few weeks since the last time I remember
seeing him as well," Remus added. "Though I will admit, I have
caught his not entirely pleasant scent more recently."

"Well, at least we know he's still around," Bill sighed. "I'd imagine
we'd all smell something if he had just up and died in a closet
somewhere."
Conversation drifted towards the state of the house. There were no
distinct rooms, though there were still different floors discernible only
due to the staircases.

"And because there are no rooms, we don't have anywhere to

sleep," Tonks said. She seemed rather disgruntled, and had done
since returning to the group. "I really don't want to sleep on a pile of
leaves."

"You're just worried about those giant beetles," Kingsley said with a
grin. He was sitting cross legged with a pile of cheese sandwiches
on his lap and hadn't stopped smiling since finding them on the
platter.

"Giant beetles?" Fred asked brightly.

"Oh, do tell," George added, leaning forward eagerly.

Tonks glowered at them, then at Kingsley, and refused to speak.

Albus cleared his throat, hoping to derail any and all arguments, at
least for a few moments. "I wouldn't worry too much about sleeping
arrangements, my dear. I suspected the house may remain this way
for a while."

Luna snickered. Severus narrowed his eyes at her, scowling.

The Headmaster raised his wand and conjured eighteen squishy

purple sleeping bags, just like the ones Hermione remembered from
when Sirius had broken into Hogwarts in her third year. With another
wave of his wand, the sleeping bags floated over their heads and
drifted gently into their laps.

Kingsley quickly moved it from atop his sandwiches, and stroked one
gently. Everyone pretended not to notice.

Severus was eyeing his sleeping bag with extreme distaste. "Was
the colour truly necessary, Albus?"
"Oh yes," the older man replied cheerfully. "It's such a lovely colour,
Severus."

Charlie stood and shook out his own, kicking off his shoes and
climbing in. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I've had a very
tiring day."

For the most part, the others followed his example. Kingsley
remained sitting long enough to finish the last of his hoarded
sandwiches. Severus was poking his sleeping bag with his wand in
attempt to change it to a more palatable black or dark green, with
little success.

Hermione leaned back onto Crookshanks, using him as a giant,

warm, furry pillow. He didn't seem to mind, and she felt she would be
safest from monkeys, birds, and giant beetles with a tiger on her
side.

Albus, Minerva, Molly, and Arthur had conjured themselves some

tea, and stayed up drinking it and chatting quietly well into the night.

The next morning, Hermione woke up with a start when someone

screamed.

She sat up quickly, and was horrified. Tonks, who was still
screaming, was covered in beetles almost the size of her head.
There were more of them scattered amongst the rest of the group,
everyone now awake and noticing them.

One beetle started toward Hermione, but when Crookshanks

growled from behind her it retreated. Hermione scratched behind his
ears in thanks.

Luna, on the other hand, was quite excited. "Quick!" she exclaimed,
holding a hand out behind her and not looking away from the nearest
beetle. "I need a safari hat and a magnifying glass!"
Everyone paused momentarily, even Tonks, who was in the middle
of being rescued by Moody.

After a few seconds, Luna huffed impatiently and wiggled her

fingers. Albus obligingly conjured her required items and levitated
them into her waiting hand. "Thank you," she said primly, placing the
hat upon her head. She then dropped to her stomach, leaning on her
elbows and using the magnifying glass to examine the beetle she
had been watching more closely.

Severus gave the Headmaster an odd look. Albus just gave a serene
smile, at which Severus rolled his eyes and lost interest. "Cat. Giant
beetles or dastardly camel?"

Crookshanks looked to Hermione and seemed apologetic, then

turned towards Severus hopefully. "Oh, go on," she sighed. "I'm sure
I won't be eaten by giant beetles while you're gone."

Severus seemed pleased as he led Crookshanks out of the clearing.

Ron shared a look with each of his siblings, resulting in each of them
grabbing a handful of sandwiches and once more giving chase.

Hermione spent the next two days alternately helping Luna track
beetles and joining Neville's plant discovery expeditions, which was
made far easier when the two paths coincided.

They'd taken their sleeping bags along with them, camping wherever
they felt sleepy and returning to restock on sandwiches when they
ran out.

Most of the older group were still staying around the former kitchen
table. Even Severus was returning of a night, as evidenced by his
sleeping bag sitting innocently in the pile under a tree. It was a single
shade darker than the others, a result of a good two hours of work.
On the second day, just before returning for dinner, Hermione felt
inexplicably sleepy. Judging from Neville's yawn and Luna's beetle
commentary degenerating into sleepy mumbling, she wasn't the only
one. All three of them chose not to fight it, instead crawling into their
sleeping bags. They were out within moments.

The next morning, Hermione woke up in her bed. Glancing about the
room, she saw that both Luna and Ginny were also waking up.

"Aw, the beetles are gone," Luna said sadly.

"Don't worry," Ginny consoled, "I'm sure there are still one or two
wandering around."

Luna blinked, then smiled. "Oh, good point."

Hermione sighed. "Breakfast?"

The three of them were almost the last to arrive in the kitchen, where
Molly was frying eggs and bacon and cooking toast. The sandwich
platter was nowhere to be seen.

The last person to enter the kitchen was Kingsley, who paused in the
doorway and stared at the table in horror. "No sandwiches?"

Molly turned and fixed a decidedly vicious glare upon him. "No. No
sandwiches. There will be no more sandwiches. Even if it means me
never leaving this kitchen until September, everyone in this house
will be eating proper meals three times a day!"

Kingsley sulked, but even he seemed to know better than to argue

with Molly Weasley and instead he merely took a seat and helped
himself to some breakfast. Everyone pretended not to see him
placing a fried egg and some bacon between two slices of toast.

The kitchen was mostly silent up until Hedwig's entrance, which

elicited a startled growl from the back of the kitchen. Hedwig
dropped Harry's letter on Arthur in fright, swooping over the table for
a rasher of bacon (and leaving several white feathers drifting into
everyone's breakfast) and straight back out the window.

Hermione turned and stared into the shadows, sighing when she
saw that Crookshanks was still a tiger. "I suppose I should have
expected that."

Severus suddenly looked more cheerful. Remus elbowed him

harshly. "Stop thinking about camel hunting."

"One day I will take that beast down," the potions master vowed.

Arthur coughed to gain attention. "Would anyone like me to read

this?"

"Oh no, Father dearest," Fred began, feigning great shock. "That
won't be necessary!"

"It's not as though we're curious," George continued. "Or as though

we've been waiting for it-"

"-or any of Harry's other letters-"

"-all summer!"

Arthur just rolled his eyes and opened the letter.

" 'Dear Order,

I think Hubert is still growing. He's definitely gotten bigger lately. Or

maybe he's just getting fatter. He has been eating a lot of chocolate
lately, we seem to suddenly have far more than usual.' "

"Because Dudley's in the bottomless pit and therefore is no longer

being a bottomless pit," Ron said wisely.

Minerva didn't speak, merely giving Albus a poisonous glare. The

Headmaster's ever-present twinkle actually dimmed in fear.
" 'I think I'm going to go and make myself a cheese sandwich. Since
my birthday, I've kind of developed a taste for them. Thanks,
Kingsley.

Mm, sandwich.

Love Harry'. "

"Perhaps I should go check on Harry," Kingsley said. "Make sure his

cousin is still above ground, see whether he's completely off his
rocker?"

"No." Everyone turned to stare in shock at Molly. "Not that I don't still
believe that the boy ought to be checked on, but I know full well that
you just want a cheese sandwich, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and I won't
stand for it!"

"Also, I am certain that Harry is just as mentally sound as I am,"

Albus said reassuringly.

"I am in no way comforted by that," Kingsley sighed.

Greetings!

Wolfie is beginning to suspect Dear Order might be finished by the

end of the year (though, of course, she could be wrong).

Also, Wolfie would dearly like to thank each and every one of you for
reading, and a special thanks to all the reviewers. Wolfie loves you
all ever so much.

Now Wolfie is going to continue writing. Hope you liked it!

Love to all,

Wolfie
Letter Seventeen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Vastly Vicious

Vulture

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Seventeen - "I forgot Neville's birthday."

With Molly refusing to provide sandwiches of any kind, Kingsley had

taken to making his own. Despite wishing to shove nutritious meals
down the throats of everyone, Molly wasn't willing to let Kingsley go
on a food strike all together (which he had threatened to do, until
Hermione, lamenting that accursed lack of logic in the wizarding
world, pointed out that Kingsley was a grown man and fully capable
of making his own damn cheese sandwiches).

Kingsley had taken to keeping a plate of them on the kitchen bench

at all times and snacking on them whenever he was peckish. This
often left him with only one or two sandwiches on his plate, as he
never made any more until he had run out.

With this arrangement in place, and no more spells being cast over
Grimmauld Place, the last two days had been remarkably peaceful.
Even the twins hadn't caused any explosions, and though Severus
was still leading Crookshanks on Elmer hunts, he didn't seem
entirely dedicated anymore and tended to spend more time reading
books in the sitting room with Crookshanks sleeping on his feet.

And then somebody stole Kingsley's cheese sandwich.

It was the middle of the afternoon, and as usual there were several
occupants of the house lingering in the kitchen.
Hermione was working on homework, while Ron was reading comics
hidden in the pages of his Potions textbook. Neville was comparing
notes he had taken on the rainforest plants with a book he had found
in the library.

Ginny was experimenting with hairstyles on Luna, who was once

again staring at the wall. Her expressions changed and she was
gesturing with her hands as though she was having a conversation,
but she was completely silent. Ginny had chosen to just ignore her
friend's odd behaviour and put up with the occasional head
movements.

Tonks was also sitting at the table, working on paperwork. She

claimed Kingsley was making her do all of his as well as her own,
though Kingsley had been seen to be doing his own enough times
that no one believed her.

As usual Albus was seated at the head of the table with a large cup
of tea. He was paging idly through an ancient looking leather bound
spell book with no title, glancing up every now and then to send a
twinkle-eyed smile to anyone who caught his gaze.

Kingsley had left a single sandwich on his plate after lunch and had
disappeared somewhere with a trashy looking novel, muttering about
having been too busy lately and needing to catch up on his reading.

Hermione's attention was drawn from her essay when she caught
movement in the corner of her eye, and she started slightly when
she realised Elmer had wandered into the kitchen.

The camel was known to be incredibly bad tempered, so she didn't

dare move as he passed behind her. She almost, almost, raised her
wand to protect Kingsley's sandwich when she realised where the
animal was headed.

Almost. Instead, she just watched as Elmer sniffed his way across
the kitchen, finding the sandwich and picking it up. Oddly he didn't
eat it immediately, but left the room with the sandwich still dangling
from his mouth.

"Well that was odd," Ginny observed after a moment. Hermione

nodded, Ron shrugged, Luna grinned, and Neville looked up from his
book with a dazed expression on his face, having completely missed
Elmer's appearance.

Several minutes later, they had all returned to their previous activities
and had for the most part forgotten all about Elmer when Kingsley
returned to the kitchen, took one look at his sandwich plate, and
screamed.

Barely two seconds later Fred and George raced into the kitchen,
instinctively reacting to the possibility of chaos.

Severus was on their heels. "What the hell is going on in here?"

"My… my sandwich," Kingsley said, staring forlornly at the plate. "It's

gone."

Rolling his eyes, Severus turned to leave. "That's no excuse to be

screaming the house down, Shacklebolt, I thought somebody was
being murdered." He sounded almost disappointed.

"Who took it?" Kingsley demanded, switching from upset to angry in

a heartbeat. "Who took my precious last sandwich?" He stared
around the occupants of the kitchen suspiciously.

"Elmer did it," Ginny told him.

"Ginny!"

"Well he did, Ron. Really, if you're going to raise a kleptomaniac

camel, maybe someone else should take care of him."

Severus stuck his head back through the kitchen door. "Did I hear
that correctly? The Beast stole the sandwich?"
"Yep!" Ginny said cheerfully.

"I will have revenge," Kingsley vowed.

"Wonderful," Severus said with a dastardly smirk. "Welcome to the

club."

"Oooh, can I join?" George asked eagerly. "I've always wanted to try
camel!"

Fred sat at the table and stole some of Hermione's parchment and
Tonks' quill. "I'll write some recipes down."

Ron sighed and stood up. "Well, if you're going to hunt Elmer again, I
suppose I will have to protect him with my life. Again."

Hedwig, with impeccable timing, chose that moment to swoop into

the kitchen and at least temporarily disrupt the impending camel
hunt.

She landed on Kingsley's shoulder, holding out her leg as he untied

the letter and then staying where she was, talons digging in perhaps
more than necessary.

Kingsley sighed. "I don't know what I've done to upset you, Hedwig,
but I do wish you would stop drawing my blood."

Hedwig just ruffled her feathers and dug in deeper. Wincing,

Kingsley gave up and opened the letter.

" 'Dear Order,

I have just realised that I have made a very grave mistake. To be fair,
I was falling down a bottomless pit at the time, but that is no excuse.

I forgot Neville's birthday.' "

Kingsley stopped for a moment while they all shared looks of

surprise. Neville's birthday had been celebrated with a small party in
the time between the first wave of the Camel Wars and everyone
running around like headless chickens to find birthday presents for
Harry. Because it hadn't been a letter day, the fact that Harry hadn't
mentioned it had never crossed their minds.

After a moment, Kingsley continued. " 'Neville, I am so, so sorry. I

promise I will make it up to you. I will buy you all the exotic monkey
eating plants you could ever possibly want. I will buy you candy. I will
buy you alcohol. I will even buy you a pony, if you like.

I hope you don't want a pony. I don't think the Headmaster will let
you have one at Hogwarts, or that your Gran will let you have one at
home. Plus Trevor might get jealous.

Maybe I could talk to Hagrid about getting you your very own
Thestral? Or Hubert might help me find a second Crumple Horned
Snorkack.

Just let me know, I'll hook you up.

Love Harry' ."

There was silence, then Albus spoke. "If you would like Harry to buy
you a pony, Neville, I'm sure an exception could be made for you to
keep it at Hogwarts."

Neville coughed. "Uh, thank you, sir, but I don't think I really want a
pony." He paused. "Monkey eating plants, though…"

"I suppose we should be glad we don't keep monkeys at the school,"

Severus muttered. "Though I expect we will lose a few less than
intelligent pets."

"Maybe I don't want one," Neville said. "I know Trevor more than
likely comes under the definition of less than intelligent."

"On the plus side, then you could get a smarter pet?" Tonks said with
a cheeky grin.
"I think I have plenty now, what with the fish," Neville sighed. "I'm not
sure how we'll transport them to Hogwarts."

"Oh, I'm sure the Headmaster will take care of it," Luna said, turning
away from the wall to give Albus a little smile.

"Ah, yes, of course," Albus agreed, smiling.

Severus looked between the two with suspicion. No one else

noticed.

Hello again, lovely readers!

Wolfie kind of has some wonderful news. She has finished writing
Dear Order. As such, the remaining chapters should be posted with
relative frequency, though not on an actual schedule because Wolfie
never remembers to stick to those. But it shouldn't be too long until
the end is posted.

Wolfie is a little sad about having finished Dear Order, but Wolfie is
also excited to be writing Something Else.

Anyway, Wolfie will stop rambling now, enjoy the chapter everyone!

Much Love,

Wolfie
Letter Eighteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Particularly Paranoid

Partridge

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Eighteen - "This Transfiguration essay is awfully

complicated."

"All right, THAT IS IT!"

Every last human occupant of Grimmauld Place froze in fear.

"I will NOT stand for any more of this homework disrupting
nonsense! Ronald, Ginevra, Luna, Neville, SIT AT THAT TABLE
AND GET TO WORK!"

Ron was immediately cowed, dropping into the nearest seat and
pulling his pile of unfinished essays close. He flipped open a book,
grabbed the corresponding essay and began working feverishly,
casting wary glances upwards every few seconds.

Ginny and Neville shared a glance and a shrug before joining Ron,
though much more calmly. They each figured it was far safer to just
get on with it, rather than risk Hermione actually snapping and
hexing people.

Luna was already seated, but obediently opened her history text
before turning to the wall. "You really ought to make sure your
History of Magic essay is finished."

Hermione eyed her dangerously, but Luna spoke no further, getting

to work with a flourish of her quill.
With her fellow students diligently working, Hermione turned to the
rest of the Order. "There will be no distractions," she hissed. "There
will be no whining about sandwiches, there will be no camel hunts,
no interesting prank inventions, no potions explosions, no anything,
do you understand?"

Their expressions ranged from genuinely fearful to amused to

annoyed, but for the most part, everyone nodded.

"Good. Now unless you have legitimate reason for being in the
kitchen, GET OUT!"

Aside from Molly, who swiftly made her way across the room to the
bench, they all left. Molly was working on dinner, so Hermione let it
slide and joined her friends in finishing their summer work.

Two hours later, there had been not one distraction, and Molly had
called everyone in for dinner. Hermione allowed that this time
schoolwork should be removed from the table during meals (likely
more because she feared Severus using her essays as a placemat
than for any consideration of convenience).

Molly placed down platters of chicken drumsticks, vegetables, and

bread rolls. And then, she placed a huge platter directly in front of
Kingsley, who gasped (and, as Tonks would swear to her grave,
started tearing up). "Cheese sandwiches?"

"Yes." Molly sighed. "Just this once, Kingsley, understand?"

He beamed at her and nodded, already halfway through his second.

Halfway through dinner Hedwig arrived. Spying the food spread

across the table, she dropped the letter into Minerva's peas before
stealing a drumstick and a bread roll and disappearing back out the
window to savour them.

"It's almost cannibalism, isn't it?" Charlie mused.

Bill shrugged. "Different species?"

"Evil owl," Kingsley countered.

"You're biased," Tonks snickered.

Minerva cleared her throat, letter already open in her hand. "If I may.

'Dear Order,

I have been working on the rest of my homework, seeing as my

Potions essay is done.

Professor McGonagall, this Transfiguration essay is awfully

complicated.' "

"That's what I said!" Ron exclaimed.

"It's no such thing, honestly," Hermione said.

" 'If I happen to not finish it, I'm blaming your overly high
expectations of your students.' If he hasn't finished his essay, I'm
giving him detention. With you, Albus."

"I don't usually oversee any detentions, Minerva," he protested

weakly.

She gave him a look feared throughout the wizarding world. "You will
if I say so, Albus."

"Very well, my dear."

" 'Currently, though, I'm working on my History of Magic essay. I

really ought to make sure it's finished. After that, I might work on
Charms. Or I might try brewing potions in Aunt Petunia's sink again.
Works almost as well as a cauldron, though for some reason she
protested me lighting fires under it.

Anyway, off to Goblin rebellion land!

Love Harry' ."

Severus was staring pointedly at Luna, who looked back with an

unnerving smile. Somehow everyone else had missed the
connection between Luna's comments to the wall and Harry's letter,
but Severus was almost beginning to doubt his assertion that the boy
wasn't in Grimmauld Place.

Luna, as if reading his thoughts, grinned widely and shook her head.
Severus just narrowed his eyes at her.

"Wow, Hermione," Ron said. "You actually managed to yell so loud

that Harry heard you all the way in Surrey and started his homework
too."

"It's just a coincidence, Ron," she sighed.

"I doubt it," Severus muttered. Luna just kept grinning.

ugh. Wolfie has a cold. Note too hard. Next chapter is much longer,
also won't be as long a wait. Wolfie promises.

Thank you for all your reviews, and for reading.

Much love to all,

Wolfie
Letter Nineteen
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Supremely

Suspicious Seagull

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Nineteen - "'It's all very mysterious"

Under Hermione's strict timetable, it only took a few days for all of
the students' homework to be completed.

Once the last word had been written, the ink had dried, and
Hermione had proofread each and every one (Ron ignored all her
suggestions, claiming he had already worked harder this summer
than any other), they stowed their work in their trunks and
abandoned the kitchen in favour of the nearest living area.

Hermione curled up in an armchair with a book on ancient cults she

was reading for fun, while Ron was soundly defeating both Ginny
and Neville at chess. Once he was done playing them, Hermione
was planning to suggest he play four different games at once to give
himself a challenge.

Luna was lying on the floor drawing pictures of trains, snakes, and
flamingos, humming happily to herself as she drew.

Moody and Albus were also in the room, chatting over yet more tea.
From what Hermione could hear, they were discussing Voldemort's
suspicious lack of activity over the summer and the pranks that had
been pulled at Grimmauld Place. Moody seemed to think the two
could be connected.

Severus was, for reasons no one was able to discern, brewing a

potion in the corner. Remus, sitting on a nearby couch, had an odd
lump of clay in his hand and was prodding it with his wand.

The relative peace was disrupted when the twins burst into the room,
shouting. "We found it, we found it!"

Everyone looked up at their entrance, and the rest of the house's

occupants emerged from the kitchen at the commotion.

"Found what?" Hermione asked, when it seemed the twins weren't

going to volunteer the information.

"Mad-Eye's eye!" George said.

Moody stood suddenly. "My what ?"

"Your magical eye!" Fred said brightly. "We thought you'd lost it, and
it turns out we were right!"

The Auror seemed caught between confusion and anger, removing

the false eye he was wearing and staring between it and the one in
George's hand in shock.

"Why did you think I had lost it?" Moody asked finally.

"Well, because you couldn't tell either way whether Harry was here,"
George said. "Bill and Charlie figured you would have seen him right
off if your eye was working."

"The boy is here," Moody growled. "He has to be!"

"If that is the truth, then I am a caterpillar," Luna said, not looking up
from her drawings. "And if you are proven correct, then I shall indeed
wrap myself in a cocoon and emerge a butterfly."

Everyone just took a moment to stare at Luna, who kept colouring

her flamingo.

"Anyway," Fred said after the pause. "Now you can check and know
once and for all whether he's here."
"Where did you find it?" Bill asked as Moody took the eye from
George and carefully cleaned it off. "We searched everywhere ."

George shrugged. "Actually, we should come clean. We weren't even

looking, then we walked past Elmer-" Here George paused for
Severus' habitual growl and Kingsley's newly added snarl. "-and
there it was, dangling from his mouth. He near bit my hands off when
I took it from him."

"And then he kept spitting at us until we ran away," Fred added.

"Nasty attitude, that camel."

By this time, Moody had inserted his original eye and it was rolling
madly around his head as he searched the building. Finally, it settled
and he sat down with a huff. "Well, girlie, I suppose you won't be
becoming a butterfly anytime soon. Potter is nowhere in this house."

"I know," Luna replied, smiling at the train she had moved onto
colouring red. "Harry hasn't been here since last Christmas. I did try
to tell you."

"Well if it hasn't been Potter, who has been casting all these spells?"
Moody demanded. He turned to Albus. "This just lends weight to my
theory! You-Know-Who is behind this!"

The sound of Severus clearing his throat drew attention to his corner.
"Actually, the incident at the Ministry before summer has left the Dark
Lord with quite a migraine," he said. He gave a rather nasty smirk.
"Which is not lessened by even my strongest pain relieving potions."

There were several snickers throughout the room, until Moody

realised what Severus had implied. "If it's not the boy, and it's not the
megalomaniac, who the hell is behind it all?"

Severus silently stared accusingly at Luna, who looked up from her

artwork just long enough to smile at him knowingly and wink.
Minerva, on the other hand, was looking directly at Remus. "Oh, I
think I have an idea."

Remus blinked at her, all wide eyed innocence. "Why Minerva,

surely you don't think I could have had anything to do with this?"

She snorted. "You were mastermind to a fair few of the more large
scale Marauder pranks when you attended Hogwarts, and you are
rather fond of Harry. Whether you're working with him or merely on
his behalf, I'm uncertain, but I would consider you my main suspect."

"Oh really?" Remus said. "I, personally, suspect Fred and George."

"Who, us?" the twins chorused. "Never!"

"You did create that portable swamp," Ginny pointed out. "Plus you
idolise the Marauders and have been causing all kinds of havoc
since turning seventeen. I can see where Remus is coming from."

"Well, that's just offensive, don't you think, Gred?"

"Indeed, Forge, quite offensive indeed."

"If it wasn't you two, who do you think it is, then?" Ginny asked.

"Oh, Bill, absolutely," Fred said.

"Bill?" George scoffed. "No, no, brother mine, it is most certainly

Charlie."

Bill and Charlie rolled their eyes.

"It's definitely Severus," Tonks said, grinning.

Severus almost upset his cauldron in shock. "It most certainly is not!"

"Are you sure, Severus?" Albus asked, eyes twinkling merrily. "You
must admit, you are the last person anyone would suspect to be
working with Harry."
"Yes, because I would never agree to work with that brat, certainly
not in order to cause such unmitigated chaos!"

"Er, Severus," Molly said hesitantly, eyes on the cauldron, which was
bubbling dangerously close to the rim.

"No! I will hear no more of this! I am not working with Potter!"

"But Severus-"

"Remus, surely you of all people don't believe-"

"No, of course not, I'm the one who has had to listen to your
countless rants on the evils of Potters in general and Harry in
particular all summer," Remus pointed out, rolling his eyes. "But your
camel repellent potion is about to overflow, and you added enough
different varieties of snake egg that it will corrode through the
floorboards."

Severus swore and vanished the potion.

Almost the very moment he did so, Elmer slowly poked his head
through the door. After sniffing the air for a few moments he seemed
to deem it safe enough to enter (likely because Crookshanks was
currently in the aquarium room, watching the fish swim around).

Elmer seemed content to avoid the corner Severus was seated in,
and Kingsley was quick to join him there. The camel didn't appear to
be causing any particular trouble, at least for the moment, and while
Severus and Kingsley each kept a wary eye on him, everyone else
was content to ignore him and continue their speculation as to who
was behind the bigger pranks of the summer.

Hedwig flew in through the doorway not long after, landing on

Ginny's shoulder and looking around in confusion, as though
wondering why nobody was in the kitchen for once.
Ginny took the letter, but paused before opening it to raise her
eyebrows at Kingsley. "I don't know what you're always complaining
about, Hedwig doesn't dig in the way you say she does."

Kingsley scowled at both girl and owl. "She has it in for me, I know
it." Hedwig hooted at him dismissively before nibbling gently at
Ginny's hair.

Grinning, Ginny opened Harry's letter and began to read.

" 'Dear Order,

I received a postcard in the Muggle mail from Brazil today.' Brazil?

Who does Harry know in Brazil?"

"No one I know of," Hermione said. "Maybe Seamus or Dean or

somebody is on holiday there?"

Ginny shrugged. "Maybe . 'Aunt Petunia was oddly horrified by it,

claiming it must be cursed and refusing to touch it. For some reason
she didn't think it was written in English.' "

"I have a bad feeling about this," Remus sighed.

" 'After closer inspection, I now suspect it may be written in' -" Ginny
stopped. "Oh dear . 'Parseltongue.' "

"Wait, what?" Tonks said. "Parseltongue? Does that mean it's from
You-Know-Who?"

"I really don't think the Dark Lord is in Brazil," Severus said,
sounding pained.

"Well, he could have gotten someone else to send it," Remus

suggested doubtfully. "But… a postcard? Really?"

"Perhaps we should let Ginny keep reading and we might find out?"
Arthur suggested.
As everyone fell silent, Ginny obediently did so. " 'Now, I know what
you're thinking,' -"

"Oh, I really, really doubt that," Ron muttered.

"- 'but I don't have any more ideas as to how a snake would use a
quill or a pen than you do.' "

Hermione groaned. "Really, Harry?"

" 'It's all very mysterious. Perhaps I should go find a snake in the
garden and experiment?' "

"Please let it be a poisonous one."

"Shut up, Severus."

" 'I heard about a wizard who could speak with dolphins, I wonder if
they can write letters too?

Anyway, the postcard is very pretty, it has a picture of a train on it,

and some flamingos in a pond in front.' "

Severus just looked down at Luna, who ignored him for once,
keeping her eyes on Ginny.

"Shut up, Severus," Remus repeated.

"I said nothing!"

"No, but I saw the accusation in your eyes. Honestly, how do you
think Luna could be carrying out all these pranks and keeping in
contact with Harry without anyone knowing about it?"

"Wait, Professor Snape suspects Luna?" George said incredulously.

"Nah, it can't be Luna!" Fred agreed.

Luna just swung her feet in the air and gave her snake markings like
a boa constrictor.

Ginny sighed impatiently and kept reading. " 'I wish I could keep a
flamingo as a pet, it would keep Hubert company- he doesn't get
along very well with Hedwig.' "

"I suddenly feel kinship with a Crumple-Horned Snorkack," Kingsley

said wearily.

" 'Then again, Hedwig is awfully picky as to who she gets along with.'
Oh, you are not," Ginny cooed. Hedwig hooted her agreement.
Kingsley snorted and shook his head. " 'I do hope she isn't causing
anyone any pain at Headquarters.

Time for some tea!

Love Harry' ."

"He didn't really get a postcard from a snake, did he?" Neville asked.

"Oh of course not!" Hermione exclaimed. "Don't be silly, Neville,

there's just no way."

Neville shrugged. "I don't know, Hermione, this is Harry we're talking
about."

She paused. "Good point."

"No!" Luna shrieked suddenly. "No, bad Elmer! Bad! That's a very
bad house-camel! Naughty!"

As everyone looked around, Elmer galloped out of the room, several

pieces of half chewed paper visible in his mouth. Luna was now
standing, staring after him and pouting at the loss of her drawings.

Severus stepped from his corner. "Granger, where is your tiger? I will
reclaim Lovegood's ridiculously suspicious drawings."
"Oh, no, it's all right, Professor," Luna said, sighing sadly. "Thank you
for the consideration, but it's best that Elmer disposes of the
evidence, really. But he will be punished for it."

Hermione frowned. "How, exactly?"

"I'm going to feed him some of Sirius's old underpants."

"That would be acceptable," Severus said, eyeing Luna. "Though I

doubt a camel would care."

"Elmer is a very sensitive camel," Luna said blithely. "He refuses to

enter Sirius's room, or go near things that smell too much like him.
They seem to make him inexplicably nauseous, so he will
understand it is a punishment."

"I'm not sure that knocks out my theory that Harry is the camel or if it
lends it weight," Arthur mused. Everyone stared at him in shock.
"What, you hadn't considered it?"

"Given where he bit Severus, Arthur, I sincerely hope your theory is

wrong," Remus said with a barely suppressed laugh.

"As do I," Severus muttered. Luna laughed.

Wolfie still sick. Wolfie loves reviewers. And readers. You are all
lovely. Thank you.

Wolfie is also still finding thinking of notes too hard. Therefore Wolfie
will stop typing and post the chapter already. Hope everyone enjoyed
it.

Much love,

Wolfie
Letter Twenty
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Extremely Explosive

Eagle

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Twenty - "Think about that for a minute."

Grimmauld Place had been so quiet and devoid of pranks that just
about everyone living there was beginning to think it was too quiet.

Kingsley was quite vocal about missing the shenanigans, to the point
where Molly made him more cheese sandwiches for breakfast and
shoved one into his mouth just to shut him up.

"At least you have a job to keep you occupied," Ron said glumly
while Kingsley was still incapable of speech. "I don't even have any
homework left."

"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you sound disappointed
about having finished your schoolwork," Ginny said with a laugh.
"You're not even eating breakfast as enthusiastically as usual. Come
on Ron, cheer up. Enjoy the last of the summer; we'll be back at
Hogwarts in ten days."

Hermione sighed happily. "I can't wait." She turned to Minerva and
Albus, who shared a glance. "Are you sure you won't tell me
anything about this year's Defence Professor?" It was far from the
first time she had asked, but she was hoping that her persistence
would pay off eventually.

Minerva huffed irritably and placed her tea cup down with rather
more force than necessary. " No, Miss Granger. You will have to wait
until the beginning of term, like all the other students."
Luna patted Hermione on the hand sympathetically.

"A galleon says they haven't even hired anyone yet," Ron muttered
to Ginny. She grinned and shook his hand.

Molly slapped the backs of their heads. "No gambling at the

breakfast table."

"What about the lunch table?" Fred asked.

"Is the dinner table fair game?" George added.

"Allow me to correct myself," Molly said, rolling her eyes. "No

gambling at the kitchen table."

"How about the pantry?" Charlie said innocently.

"Under the sink?" Bill suggested.

"On the ceiling?"

"How can you gamble on the ceiling?" Ron asked his sister.

Ginny shrugged. "Sticking Charms?"

They were interrupted by a sudden explosion from the next room.

Smoke started wafting into the kitchen.

Molly immediately looked to the twins, who had both frozen in

surprise with mouthfuls of food. She raised her eyebrows, and,
cheeks bulging, both Fred and George shook their heads, trying to
look innocent (which didn't exactly come easily for them).

After a few seconds Severus and Remus stumbled into the kitchen,
covered in soot and coughing from all the smoke.

"What in the world happened in there?" Minerva demanded. "Are you

both all right?"
"We're fine, Minerva," Remus assured her, moving quickly towards
the sink. "Just a little potions accident."

"Accident?" Severus snapped, rolling his eyes. "I'd hardly call that an
accident. More like an act of deliberate sabotage!"

"It was no such thing!" Remus said. "I merely handed you too much
pixie dust."

"The problem being that the potion didn't call for any pixie dust
whatsoever," Severus said with a sneer. "You truly are a disaster
near a cauldron."

"I only wanted to see what would happen," Remus said, trying (much
more successfully than the twins) to look innocent.

"You only wanted to see an explosion," Severus corrected. "Which

you did. And now we need to repair or replace all the furniture in the
lounge."

"You know, there's something I've been wondering," Tonks said

slowly, interrupting the argument taking place. "This is far from the
loudest explosion we've had this summer, but I can't help but notice
that Sirius's old mum hasn't had anything to say about it."

This distracted even Severus.

"How have we not noticed this earlier?" Moody demanded. "After all
the trouble she caused last summer, and throughout the year, and
we've only just realised she's been silent?"

"I wonder why, though," Tonks said. "She wouldn't just stop her
bigoted screeching for no reason."

"Maybe it's got something to do with Kreacher being missing?" Ron

suggested.

Arthur cleared his throat, a little awkward. "Ah, actually, no. I have no
idea where Kreacher is, but I can explain why Mrs Black hasn't been
bothering us."

All eyes turned to him expectantly.

"Did you get her off the wall?" Ginny asked eagerly.

"Unfortunately not," he replied. "I sort of… blackmailed her."

"Blackmailed her?" Kingsley said. "How do you blackmail a portrait?"

Arthur smiled, a little sheepish. "By hanging a portrait of someone

she dislikes directly across from her."

At their looks, he elaborated.

"I found a portrait of Sirius in an upstairs room, and asked for his
assistance. He agreed to be as annoying as possible until his mother
was willing to do absolutely anything just to make him stop talking."

"So, what, she promised to stop screaming at everyone and you took
Sirius away?" Bill asked.

"More like if she stays silent, the portrait of Sirius stays Silenced."
Arthur grinned. "Every now and then I go and unSilence him, just to
remind her who is in charge."

There was a beat of silence.

"Oh, Dad, that's evil," Fred said, admiration shining in his eyes.

"We salute you," George added, then both twins indeed saluted.

Arthur chuckled. "Thank you, boys."

"Do I dare even ask how Sirius manages to be so annoying she's

willing to go along with it?" Remus asked, understandably wary. He
had spent a very long time with Sirius as his best friend, and knew
full well how annoying the man could be.
"I admit, I have been casting a partial silencing on the hallway so I
couldn't hear," Arthur said with a shrug. "Sirius himself suggested it.
He promised it would be the most annoying he was capable of being
as a portrait."

Remus shuddered. "I can only imagine it involved singing."

Hedwig flew in the window at that point, and the moment she spotted
the platter of bacon taking pride of place at the centre of the table,
she dropped the letter on Moody's head and landed in the middle of
it.

"Hedwig!" Ron said in dismay. "I was eating that."

She glared at him, taking a piece of bacon and ripping into it

viciously to prove her point- that it was her bacon now.

Moody picked up the letter from where it had landed in his lap,
looked at it, and then passed it to the sulking Ron.

Since he couldn't have any more bacon, Ron shrugged and opened
the envelope.

" 'Dear Order,

I was having trouble sleeping last night, and while I was lying in bed I
couldn't help but remember times in the past when I couldn't fall
asleep.

I remember back in first year I put earplugs in my ears, when Ron's

snoring and Dean's sleep talking was keeping me awake. That didn't
help, so I put pillows on their heads.' " Ron stopped and rolled his
eyes. "That wasn't just first year, he's kept doing it. By the way, if I'm
ever smothered in my sleep, it was Harry and I expect someone to
avenge my death."

"All right," Hermione agreed. "If Harry ever smothers you to death, I
will smother him in return."
Ron grinned. "Thank you . 'Then there was that time in fourth year
when Seamus kept opening my golden egg, that jerk. We ended up
having to stun him for hours to stop him.' "

"We could hear it from our dorm, too," George groaned. "It was
awful."

"We could hear it in the girls dorms," Ginny said. "We all thought it
was some kind of alarm and started rushing into the hallway until
Katie Bell realised what the sound actually was."

Ron shook his head. "Harry had to hide the egg, in the end. Seamus
just can't keep his grabby hands to himself . 'And then, last
Christmas, I couldn't fall asleep. I don't even know why, just one of
those nights. So Sirius decided to sing a song to put me to sleep.' "

"Oh dear lord," Remus whimpered. "Poor Harry. I didn't know about
that."

"That bad?" Tonks asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh yes."

" 'In case you were wondering, he was not successful. If there is one
thing I will most definitely not miss about Sirius, it is his singing.' "

"Amen," Remus muttered.

" 'Imagine a sound, like nails on a chalk board mixed with yowling cat
and strangled goose. Think about that for a minute. Sirius sang just
like that. Maybe there's a portrait of him somewhere that would be
willing to demonstrate for you all.' "

"How did he know about the portrait?" Moody snapped.

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence," Molly sighed.

" 'Or tell you a bedtime story. Yeah, he's not so great at those, either.'
"
Remus coughed. "I do regret encouraging that."

"You and Harry fell asleep, though," Ron pointed out. "Wasn't that
much of a failure."

"It was terrible and I will stand by that until my dying day."

" 'Anyway, I'm starting to get a headache, so I might have a nap.

Love Harry' ."

" I'm starting to develop a headache also," Severus muttered.

"Take a potion for it," Kingsley said wisely, biting into his final cheese
sandwich.

"I intend to, however, I will need to brew one first." He fixed a vicious
glare on Remus. "And you had best not be anywhere nearby until I'm
done."

"Oh all right, I'll find someone else to bother."

"You can bother me, Remus," Luna said cheerfully. "I was just going
to feed my fish. And possibly Hermione's cat, he has been getting
much entertainment from watching our dear fishies. He's taken
particular interest in Fishcake, Eric, The Square One, and of course
Severus."

"Of course."

Well. Erm. Hello.

Wolfie has no excuses for being terrible at consistent updating. Well,

none that feel adequate. Wolfie is very, very sorry for the wait for the
end of Dear Order. The remaining two chapters (because of course,
epilogue) will be posted at some point during the next week or two,
as Wolfie has time to edit them for human consumption.
Wolfie would like to thank each and every reviewer and reader for
their patience, and for their time. She loves you all very very much.
All of you. Whether you've been reading along for years, or you're
reading for the first time, thank you. Wolfie hopes it was worth the
wait.

Much love,

Wolfie
Letter Twenty-One
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Blindingly Bright

Budgie

By SilverWolf7007

Letter Twenty-One - "Let me guess, no?"

The day Harry's last letter was due, Hermione and Ginny were
woken by a delighted shriek.

Hermione jumped out of bed immediately, wand in hand, ready to

defend against Death Eaters, Harry Potter, or cannibal plants.

Instead, her foot sank into the ground and she fell face first into the
sand.

Sputtering, she pulled herself to her knees and looked around in

shock.

Her bed was on a beach. Her bed was on a beach . "What the
heck?" she muttered, still trying to spit out the rest of the sand.

"There is sand in my pants again," she heard Ginny sigh from behind
her.

Turning, she saw that the redhead's bed was also on the beach, and
she was sitting up in it looking bleary eyed and annoyed.

They shared a commiserating stare for a moment, before

simultaneously remembering that they had been woken by
screaming and quickly returned to scanning the area.
Luna was standing, barefoot in her nightie, ankle deep in the water.
She was bouncing on her toes excitedly, pointing out beyond the
waves. She turned, suddenly, and bestowed upon them a dazzling
grin. "Look, isn't he precious !"

Hermione moved forwards, standing as close to Luna as she could

whilst still keeping her toes dry. "Isn't who precious?" she asked
warily, squinting out towards a dark blur.

Ginny had joined them, though she had fewer qualms about her feet
getting wet, and was shielding her eyes to better see what Luna was
staring at. She dropped her hand to her hip and gave Luna a
deadpan stare. "That's a shark, Luna. How can a shark be
precious?"

Grin fading to a pout, Luna turned to look at Ginny. "He's one of my

babies, Ginny, of course he is precious."

"One of your- Luna, are you saying that huge potentially man eating
shark is one of your goldfish ?"

Luna smiled, eyes misting proudly. "Oh yes, I believe that is in fact
Sushi. He's all grown up."

"You have seventy eight fish, Luna, how can you possibly tell which
is which when they've been turned into sharks ?"

"Oh, they aren't all sharks, Ginny. Some of them are still fish. I
believe that Fido and Howard are now seagulls, and Severus,
Marvolo, and Eggbeater are piranhas."

"Piranhas," Ginny repeated faintly. "Wonderful."

Luna just shrugged and began walking down the beach, kicking her
feet in the water as she did. "Are you hungry? I think we're late for
breakfast."

Hermione shared another look with Ginny behind Luna's back.

"I can see that."

They blinked. "What?"

She turned and smiled at them. "Eyes in the back of my head."

"You have no such thing," Ginny argued, catching up and passing

her.

"Well, no," Luna admitted. "You two are just so predictable." She
glanced back at Hermione, who was reaching for a nearby crab with
the intention of putting it down Luna's nightie. Luna raised her
eyebrows. "Well, maybe not that predictable."

Guiltily, Hermione set the crab down (gently as possible, given that it
was probably either one of Luna's fish or one of her own books). "I
am trying to be less predictable," she said. "As a defence
mechanism. I am just about to spend another nine months in the
company of Harry Potter."

Luna laughed. "I think that would be very, very wise."

"And I think we should be very, very scared," Ginny sighed.

They walked for a good fifteen minutes before the distant rock
formations began to take shape, and Hermione had to admit she
was less than surprised to see a table shaped rock, surrounded by
chair shaped rocks, most of which were occupied by a selection of
their housemates.

The table itself was covered in an assortment of breakfast foods, a

large platter of what looked like cheese sandwiches and bacon
taking pride of place in the centre. As they drew closer, they could
see there was a sign in front of the platter, declaring it to be the sole
property of Hedwig, 'so hands off!'. Hedwig herself was as yet
nowhere to be found, though Kingsley was shooting covetous looks
at the cheese sandwiches.
"Good morning!" Albus greeted, twinkling cheerfully at them as they
arrived. He was wearing a long, sparkly, purple nightshirt. "Isn't this
weather lovely?"

"Oh yes!" Luna agreed fervently as Hermione and Ginny shrugged

and muttered unconvincingly.

"A crab tried to remove my little toe, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm
not entirely sold on the beach," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "First
beetles, now crabs… I don't know what all these creatures have
against me."

"I think you're just unlucky, my dear," Albus said, helping himself to
some scrambled eggs. "I'm quite sure that it is not intentional."

"If it were anyone but you, Tonks, I'd disagree, but it probably really
is just your bad luck," Bill said sympathetically.

She sighed, reaching for some toast and knocking over her glass of
pumpkin juice. Several crabs floated out, which Charlie rescued and
set free onto the sand. "Yeah, maybe."

Several other members of the household joined them over the next
half hour, all in varying styles of pyjamas, the most interesting being
Moody's sleep battle robes, the twins' bright green boxer shorts (that
they revealed glowed in the dark), and Minerva's green tartan
nightgown that, on closer inspection, had silver thread embroidered
through it. For some reason, it seemed to intimidate Fred into hiding
behind George, who seemed more interested in teasing their former
Head of House about being a closet Slytherin supporter than
protecting his twin.

By the time Ron and Neville stumbled out of the rainforest, ragged,
barefoot, and hungry, only Remus, Severus, Molly, and Arthur were
still unaccounted for.

"Where have you been?" Hermione asked Neville. It was pointless to

ask Ron, who had spotted the food and fallen upon it as though he
hadn't eaten in weeks.

Neville, who was also unusually enthusiastic about the food,

swallowed a mouthful of eggs before answering. "Our beds are
pretty deep in the rainforest, it took us this long just to find you guys."

"Really?" she said, surprised. "Ours were on the beach."

"We were in the rainforest," George said. "But not very far in. We
could see the ocean easily."

"Ron and I wandered in circles a bit trying to work out which way to
go," Neville admitted. "Eventually, he smelled food and we followed
his nose."

"I wonder if that's why Mum and Dad are taking so long," Charlie
mused. "I doubt they've slept in."

"Not to mention Remus and Professor Snape," Ginny said. "Unless

they got distracted hunting Elmer again or something."

The elder Weasleys arrived a few minutes later, holding hands and
smiling.

"We've just had a lovely stroll along the beach," Molly said as she sat
down. "I think this is my favourite prank so far."

"How wonderful!" Albus exclaimed. "I am rather pleased that I am not

the only one enjoying it."

Arthur looked around the table curiously. "Where are Remus and
Severus?"

With impeccable timing, Remus stepped out of the forest, wearing

brightly patterned shorts. "Severus and Crookshanks caught sight of
Elmer on the way here, and naturally, they followed him."

"Naturally," Fred agreed.

"Those are, uh, some bright shorts, Remus," Bill said, eyeing them in
amusement.

Remus shrugged. "I was wearing longer pants, but I thought I might
go swimming, so I left them behind on my bed."

"I see."

They all jumped as Elmer suddenly loped past them, Crookshanks

on his heels. Severus, in long black pants and singlet, wand in hand,
followed after them.

Elmer veered toward the ocean and then back into the forest, but
Crookshanks spotted something moving in the water and froze,
staring.

Severus looked between the escaping camel and distracted tiger

before throwing up his hands in defeat, pocketing his wand, and
joining them at the table.

"Do you always have pockets in your pyjamas?" Charlie asked after
several minutes of awkward silence and vicious toast chewing.

"Yes," Severus said shortly before taking another dramatic bite of his
toast.

"Oh, calm down, Severus," Remus sighed. "I'm sure you'll get
another chance."

"Stupid cat," the potions master muttered darkly. "Attention span of a

goldfish."

"I don't know," Hermione said, feeling the need to defend her pet.
"He's been staring pretty steadily at Luna's precious shark for the
last ten minutes."

Luna's head whipped around. "My baby!"

As they all followed her gaze, the shark swam into the shallows of
the ocean and Crookshanks pounced. Several seconds of needless
violence later, he was dragging the dying shark onto the beach and
chewing happily on its tail.

"Sushi, no," Luna whimpered.

"I'm sorry, Luna," Hermione said as sincerely as she could manage.

Luna sighed. "Oh, it's not your fault, Crookshanks is just following his
instincts."

"I don't see why he couldn't have followed them to killing the camel,"
Severus snarled.

"More people would miss Elmer, I suppose," she said with a shrug.
"Neville and I will miss Sushi, but that's about it."

Neville eyed the dead shark before shrugging. "Sushi bit me once.
I'm not heartbroken."

Luna gave him a betrayed look.

Thankfully Hedwig chose that moment to distract everyone as much

as possible from the crunching behind them, landing directly in her
platter of bacon and sandwiches. She held her leg out to Severus,
who raised an eyebrow.

Hedwig hooted. Severus leaned back in his chair. She shook her leg
at him. Severus crossed his arms. Hedwig glared at him pointedly.

"Just take the damn letter!" Remus said, rolling his eyes.

Reluctantly, Severus reached out and did so -and while his hand was
there, he snatched a piece of bacon and a cheese sandwich, the
latter of which he threw to a delighted Kingsley. Hedwig screeched,
then ruffled her feathers in almost a shrug, as though saying 'well
played'. She started nibbling her bacon, while Severus ate his own
stolen piece before opening Harry's letter.
" 'Dear Order,

Aunt Petunia has gone to the seaside to recover from some kind of
stress she has apparently been suffering from this summer.' "
Severus paused to snort. "Oh, yes, I know that stress . 'I will miss
her while she is gone, though at least she will stop scolding me for
eating Dudley's chocolate for breakfast.' "

"I want chocolate for breakfast," Ron muttered.

"When you live on your own and make your own breakfast, you can
eat whatever you please," Molly told him. "Until then, you eat what
you're given and you like it."

" 'Uncle Vernon doesn't care about the nutritional value of my meals,
so that's a relief. Though Dudley probably doesn't appreciate me
eating all of his sweets.' "

"Not that he can protest from the bottomless pit," Fred said, grinning.

" 'I wish I could have gone with Aunt Petunia, I've never been to the
seaside. It's a shame, I've heard it can be quite lovely. I'm sure
you've all been, you'll have to tell me all about it.' " Severus stopped
to stare at the letter in disgust. "Ugh. That's it. I refuse to finish
reading the rest of this." He thrust the letter at Kingsley, who
shrugged and took it.

" 'Oh, Professor Snape,' ." Kingsley paused to look at Severus, who
had rolled his eyes to the sky and was refusing to look down, " 'could
you please tell the Headmaster that he is now forgiven for that thing
he did and that he therefore no longer sucks?' "

"Oh, that's a weight off my mind," Albus said, sounding genuinely

relieved.

" 'I really would appreciate it. Also, if you could give Luna some more
of your Death Eater robes to make all sparkly, that would be great,
we need a uniform for my new secret club.' "
Luna looked hopefully at Severus.

"No. Definitely not. Never in a million years."

She pouted.

" 'Let me guess, no? Honestly, Professor Snape, you never let me
have any fun.' "

"It is my life's goal," Severus said. No one was entirely sure how
serious he was.

" 'Ah well, we'll find something else to wear. Maybe something eye-
wateringly bright. Or from the Headmaster's closet. Most likely both.

Love Harry' ."

"I suddenly feel the need to set wards and booby traps upon my
wardrobe," Albus said.

Luna turned to him. "It's certainly worth a try," she said. "But there's
no guarantee we won't get into it anyway."

Albus sighed. "Alas, I am aware of that."

"Right then," Remus said. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I
think I might go for a swim, especially now there is less danger of
being eaten by a shark."

Luna sniffed sadly.

"You might want to watch out for piranhas," Ginny warned.

"No," Luna said. "They're in the pond in the middle of the rainforest.
The ocean should be safe enough, now…"

Hermione turned to look at Crookshanks, who was lying contentedly

next to half a shark. She grimaced. "I think I might take a long, long
walk up the beach before I swim or sunbake."
"Ooh, we could go back to our beds and built a giant sand fort to
sleep in!" Luna suggested, bouncing back from her sadness
suddenly.

"Sure, that sounds fun."

"I'll come too," Ginny said quickly. "Between the three of us we'll
have it done by bedtime."

Ron cleared his throat. "Any chance of Neville and me crashing on

your fort floor instead of trekking back and forth to our beds?"

"Why not," Hermione agreed. "You can even have a spare blanket or
something to sleep on."

The five of them set off down the beach, followed after a few
moments by Crookshanks, who was likely hoping for a blanket of his
own.

"I'm never going to catch that camel," Severus lamented with a sigh.

"Probably not," Kingsley agreed with a commiserating look. "But I'd

be willing to come along if you wanted to have one last try."

Severus thought for a few moments, then shrugged. "We may as

well."

With that, they left.

Was a tad longer wait than intended, but at least it wasn't a year?
Now all we have left is the epilogue, which Wolfie shall put up soon.

Hope you all enjoyed this one!

Much love,

Wolfie
Epilogue
Dear Order

Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Unexpectedly

Expositive Kestrel

By SilverWolf7007

Epilogue - "How was everyone's summer?"

The thirty-first of August began as a beautiful, sunny morning and

only warmed up throughout the day. Hermione rather thought the
weather should have been more ominous, to fit with her sense of
impending trouble.

Just after lunch, Kingsley, Remus, Tonks, Moody, and Bill left to pick
up Harry from Privet Drive.

They were all hesitant as they left, uncertain as to what, exactly, they
would find.

About ten minutes after they left, Hermione was waiting for Luna and
Ginny to get the towels the Headmaster had conjured for them out of
their sand fort when it collapsed on top of them.

For two seconds her heart stopped, worried they might have been
hurt - then Ginny sat up coughing and spitting out sand, followed by
Luna's hand punching triumphantly through the sand pile like a
zombie out of a grave. Hermione burst out laughing at them.

Ginny glowered at her. "This isn't funny," she fumed. "There is, for
the umpteenth time this summer, sand in my pants . When Harry
gets here, I am going to BURY HIM."

Hermione just kept giggling, especially when Luna managed to sit

up, sand falling from her and still looking oddly like she was rising
from the grave.

Ginny gave her a look, somehow not seeing what was so funny.
"Shut up, Hermione."

Luna started giggling then, albiet through a mouthful of sand, which

only set Hermione off further. Eventually, even Ginny cracked a
smile, and by the time a very confused Ron and Neville wandered
over to join them, all three were laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ron asked.

"And what happened to the sand fort?" Neville added, staring at the
huge pile of sand and sand covered beds.

"Fort collapsed," Hermione managed to get out.

"Got buried," Ginny continued, gasping for breath.

"I was a zombie!" Luna said brightly, before dissolving further into
laughter.

Ron and Neville shared a look. Neville shrugged. "Guess you had to
be there."

Eventually the three girls managed to compose themselves (though

they were very pointedly avoiding looking at one another or at the
collapsed sand fort), and they, along with the boys, started walking
down the beach to 'kitchen rock', as it had been dubbed by Arthur.

"I wonder how long it will take for them to collect Harry?" Ron
wondered as they walked.

"Anywhere from ten minutes to ten hours, probably," Ginny said.

"Knowing Harry."

"Is it just me," Neville said through a yawn. "Or is the beach
shrinking?
"Oh dear," Luna murmured. "Harry won't get to see the pretty
seaside."

Ginny yawned too, setting off Ron and Hermione. "And I think I'm
about to get more sand in my pants." She promptly fell face forward
into the sand, letting out a snore.

The others followed not long after.

Hermione awoke sprawled across a couch in the living room off the
kitchen in Grimmauld Place, and smiled. "Hello Harry."

Harry, who was perched on the arm of the chair across from her,
grinned. "Hello Hermione." He glanced down at Ginny, who was still
asleep in the chair. "I didn't know she snored so loudly."

"I wouldn't let her hear you say that,' Hermione warned. "She doesn't
take it well."

"Duly noted. Is there sand in your hair?"

"Don't pretend you had nothing to do with it."

"I'm completely innocent."

"And I'm the tooth fairy."

"Oooh, really?" Luna asked, suddenly sitting up from the floor next to
Hermione's couch. "I've been waiting so long to meet you!"

Ginny groaned sleepily. "I feel more annoyed than usual," she said,
eyes still closed. "And it's not just my pants."

"What's wrong with your pants?" Harry asked, though from the way
he slid off the arm of the chair and started backing away, he must
have known.

Eyes snapping open, Ginny gasped. "YOU!"

Harry smiled nervously, still backing toward the kitchen. "Er, hello
Ginny, how nice to see you?"

"You are so lucky the sand is all gone, Harry Potter," she growled. "I
will get my revenge for this!"

"I wouldn't call it luck," Harry said lightly with a laugh. "But anyway,
it's time for dinner and you three are the last to wake. If you're not
quick, Ron will eat everything." With that, he darted into the kitchen,
leaving the girls no choice but to join the rest of the household.

Once they were seated, Harry sent a beaming smile around the
table. "So," he asked, helping himself to some roast potatoes. "How
was everyone's summer?"

Hermione had to grab the back of Ginny's shirt to keep the other girl
in her seat. A few chairs down, she could see Remus doing the
same to Severus.

"Wonderful, my dear boy, and how was yours?" The smile Albus was
bestowing upon Harry was just as cheerful as the boy's own. Both
Hermione and Remus rolled their eyes and strengthened their grips.

"Absoultely fantastic, Headmaster," Harry replied without a trace of

sarcasm. "Especially with Dudley out of the way."

"Your cousin wasn't down a bottomless pit," Bill sighed. "There was
no such pit at all, and Dudley was sitting in his room playing video
games when we picked you up."

"There was a hole," Tonks muttered to Hermione under her breath.

"It was barely three feet deep, though."

"I filled most of the hole in once I pulled him out," Harry explained.
His tone of voice was completely reasonable, which left most of
those at the table the feeling they were reasoning with a madman.
"I am glad you enjoyed your summer, Harry," Molly said, piling more
potato on his plate. "But I do hope you weren't too lonely."

"Oh no," Harry said with a laugh. "I mean I didn't spend much time
with Uncle Vernon, and Dudley was otherwise occupied all summer,
but until Aunt Petunia had to go away I spent plenty of time with her.
Plus I had Luna to talk to."

That merited a pause. Severus and Ginny even stopped struggling.

"You… spoke with Miss Lovegood?" Minerva asked, frowning. "I

never saw Hedwig take a return letter - in fact, she refused any
attempts to give her one."

"That's right," Harry agreed, taking a mouthful of potato to try and

appease Molly. After swallowing, he continued. "I didn't get any
letters all summer bar my Hogwarts letter and my birthday gifts. But
Luna and I were chatting a fair bit."

"Chatting," Hermione repeated faintly, suddenly remembering all the

times Luna seemed to be conversing with the wall. "And how,
exactly, did you pull that off?"

"Er."

"A highly experimental telepathic link," Luna said dreamily. "It was
ever so fun."

"A highly expermen- Harry, Luna, that sounds incredibly illegal and
downright dangerous!"

Harry shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah…"

Hermione turned to Albus. "Much as they probably deserve it, they

won't get in too much trouble over this, will they?"

Albus blinked and looked away. "Ah, Hermione, your concern is

admirable. Rest assured that neither Harry nor Luna will be punished
for their rather remarkable - and completely unique - feat of magic."
"Yes, we will never be able to repeat the results we accomplished,"
Luna said, sounding a little sad. "On the plus side, the Headmaster
was so impressed that he has been my spell slave all summer."

Almost everyone remembered Luna asking for random objects or

glittery additions to her bedding and being provided them by Albus
with no questions asked.

Hermione and Severus, however, exchanged a vaguely horrified look

as they came to a very different realisation.

"I have a question," Kingsley said, unknowingly delaying an

explosion. "Before we start trying to work out everything else, where
is Kreacher?"

Harry blinked. "Kreacher? He's been here all summer."

"We haven't seen him in ages, though," Bill said.

"Yes, you have," Harry said slowly, trying not to smile. "In fact, you've
seen an awful lot of him."

"Oh dear lord no," Severus groaned.

"What?" Neville asked. "I don't get it."

"Elmer," Ron said, horror dawning across his face. "Kreacher is

Elmer."

Remus just barely managed to catch the edge of Severus's sleeve

as the other man tried once again to launch himself across the table,
fingers twitching in a very strangle-y manner.

"Damn it Remus, just let me strangle him a LITTLE!"

"How long, exactly, is Kreacher going to remain a camel?" Fred

asked.
George nodded. "Because we really do think this is an
improvement."

Harry shrugged. "Who knows? A while, probably. I don't know a lot

about Transfiguring House Elves."

"Then perhaps you should not have done so," Minerva said though
clenched teeth.

"Oh, I didn't," Harry replied. "How could I have? I've been at Privet
Drive all summer."

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked. "I mean, really, really sure?"

Harry stared at him. "Yes, Charlie, I'm very sure," he said, clearly
and slowly in case Charlie had trouble understanding. "Privet Drive,
all summer, admittedly eventful but no leaving whatsoever."

"You can't expect me to believe everything you put in your letters,

Harry."

"Why not? They were the completely true chronicle of my summer,

after all."

"If those letters of yours were anything but a very poorly disguised
cry for help, I will eat-" Charlie paused. Harry and Luna were both
leaning forward in their seats eagerly, eyes sparkling with
amusement (and no small amount of madness). Charlie coughed.
"Five chocolate frogs."

Harry and Luna both slumped back in their seats in disappointment.

"All right, I'll bite," Bill said, rolling his eyes at his brother's sudden
change of heart. "If you didn't do it, and by 'it' I mean all of the large
scale pranks this summer, who did?"

Before Harry or Luna could answer (as he was in the middle of an

overly dramatic smirk and she had started to frown), Hermione
spoke up, voice icy. "I believe Headmaster Dumbledore can answer
that one." She shot the man a vicious glare.

Albus chuckled, a little nervously. "I'd prefer Harry to answer all the
questions, my dear, as he is the one with the answers."

Severus, sufficiently distracted from trying to get away from Remus

to maim Harry, snorted incredulously. "Lovegood already answered
that one, Albus," he said. This cleared Luna's frown away.

"Luna said you had been her spell slave all summer," Hermione
continued. "And Luna's known too much to be uninvolved. Given that
she's also been in contact with Harry all summer, that explains why
he seemed so much like he was behind it all."

Luna giggled a little. "Between the two of us, we really were behind it
all, but Professor Dumbledore was kind enough to offer a few ideas
and a lot of magic."

Hermione sniffed. "I am very disappointed in you, Headmaster."

"Wait, WHAT?" Moody exploded. "Albus, it was YOU THIS WHOLE

TIME?"

Albus stopped feigning any kind of embarrassment or reluctance and

beamed around the table happily. "Oh yes, and wasn't it such fun?"

Hermione clenched one hand around her fork and the other around
Ginny's wrist (Ginny quickly went from struggling to attack someone -
Headmaster, Harry, she wasn't picky - and just started trying to free
herself from Hermione's overly strong grip).

"'Fun' is not the word I would use," Severus snapped.

Almost everyone else was caught in varying degrees of

speechlessness, or at least a reluctance to speak as they had
thought the summer rather fun.
"I will make you pay for this, Albus Dumbledore," Hermione said
ominously. "Somehow."

"I look forward to it," Albus replied with a smile.

The next morning Hermione found herself standing on Platform Nine

and Three Quarters, staring at the Hogwarts Express. Behind her,
Molly was fussing over Ron and Ginny, and both Neville's Gran and
Luna's father had arrived to see them off.

Harry stood next to her and slung an arm over her shoulders. "I have
a good feeling about this year, Hermione," he said. "I think it's going
to be great."

"Funnily enough," Hermione replied. "I have exactly the opposite

feeling. I think you're going to cause unmitigated chaos wherever
you go."

He grinned at her. "Well, yes, but it's going to be FUN."

Hermione gave in and smiled. "Yeah. I'm almost looking forward to

it."

Well. That's it. We're done.

It took about ten years, but Dear Order is complete. I have nothing
but gratitude and love for anyone and everyone who has taken the
time to read this fic, especially those who left reviews, and those who
have been reading along for years.

And while it feels a little like the end of an era, it's not really the end.
There will be… A Sequel. The first chapter of which I have now
posted. It should be fun.

Whether or not you'll join me there, thank you, from the fuzziest
depths of my heart.
All my love,

Wolfie