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Example 2: Being Called On

Handout
Your teacher calls onChallenge WHAT’S
3 and you’re not sure of the answer. You:
A NOWM
you in class,

A. Freeze up. It’s getting

you have?
more and Describe
moreeach awkwardfeeling
now. AP ?
Focus your flashlight inside your body. Can you notice any feelings that
youAfter
notice: yourWhatteacherdoesgoesit feel
onlike in your
to the next
kid, you just feel W body?
hen ha
totally What
rd thsorts
shutdown of thoughts do you have about it? Have you ever had the
ingsinside.
ha ppen
hafeeling
s thoubefore? Are you comfortable
, our bodieswith the feeling?
ghts that ar have sensat
B. Grunt and shoutou that it’s eteacher
sort of called
mixedon io ns warning!
we don’t al
r frie ndnot fair
s or family.the upyou
andwithout
confusing,
any ways unders
mind and bo When we m an d we might tand, our m
ash all thos not get alon ind
dy and wha e things toge g well with
C. Make a joke. That feealways
lings seems to make ant’s haawkward
ppening be situation better. ther—wha
or emotio tween us an t’s happening
ns. d others—w inside our
e experienc
D. Feel your face M getting hot as nervousness washes over you. In a shaky voice, you tell the e what are
ost kids (and called
teacher that you’re even socan
me ad
sometnot sure, and
imes. A4No
you feel everyone
ults) have trlooking at you. You just want to
Challenge wMap is a ou bl e dealing w
disappear. with yo special guid ith their em
Rubur thefepalms
elings. of your
It sh owhands
s you wtogether
efast
that
forw10 seconds.
ill he lp you na Focus yourotions
and in your ha t’s happ medo an dthey
Example 3: Hearing flashlight reon
la
an Argument the
tio palms
nships with of your hands. How en do
in they feel?
g inside your What cope
A NlookowM ap Touch yopalms
ur friend Whatmdo indyou
andnotice?
like? showone s w
of your
here you
tos,youryourforehead.
fa m ily body
decide w are
, and the pl
an .
Your parents get in a big fight. here Youyo can u tell madriat gheach
t noother now.etYou:
wathey’re
nt to really
go next. w soright you can
When you
A. Get in your bed, pull thekncovers
ow howover to m your
ake face, and try to feel nothing about it. Before you
ask for wha and use a N
know it, an hour or more t yo u ne
has passed, and owMap, yo there the whole time.
instead of w ed — ca lmly and brjust been laying
you’ve u’ll understa
nd your feel
orrying abou avely. You’ll ings so you
and connec t them bein feel good ab can
B. Feel like a volcano is about ted. to explode in you! The g up set wthey
more argue, the out you
more yo urwant
family toand yo
ith you all th ur friends
e time. Mos
walk in and shout, “STOP!” But instead, it comes out later through mean remarks tand of alwhat
l, you’ll feel
To ake a N happy
your parents m owMap, yo
call an “attitude.” u’ll need so
me special
tools:
C. Shove those uncomfortable feelings deep down and keep

1.
moving along. There are things that need to get done, like
Pause
doing homework, washing the dog, or just zoning out in
button
3. OK?
front of the TV. OK
monitor
D. Can’t stop thinking, “What do I do?” and “This is awful.”
Feelings are swirling around inside you, and it feels like an

2.
alarm bell is goingFoff ocu in your body. You don’t know how to
s
fix this situation
flaandshlighteveryone OK.
make

4. NowMap
compass

Copyright ©
4 Copyright © 2022, Mind20
Your Brain,
22, Mi Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved.
nd Yo ur Brain, Inc
. NowMaps
: A Tween’s
Guide. All rig
hts reserved
.
1
 Handout

WHAT’S A NOWMAP?

When hard things happen, our bodies have sensations we don’t always understand, our mind
has thoughts that are sort of mixed up and confusing, and we might not get along well with
our friends or family. When we mash all those things together—what’s happening inside our
mind and body and what’s happening between us and others—we experience what are called
feelings or emotions.

Most kids (and even some adults) have trouble dealing with their emotions
sometimes. A NowMap is a special guide that will help you name and cope
with your feelings. It shows you what’s happening inside your mind and body
and in your relationships with your friends, your family, and the planet.
A NowMap shows where you are right now so you can
decide where you want to go next.

When you know how to make and use a NowMap, you’ll understand your feelings so you can
ask for what you need—calmly and bravely. You’ll feel good about your family and your friends
instead of worrying about them being upset with you all the time. Most of all, you’ll feel happy
and connected.

To make a NowMap, you’ll need some special tools:

OK?
1. 3.
Pause OK
button monitor

2. 4.
Focus NowMap
flashlight compass

Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved. 1
 Here’s how those tools will support you in your NowMap adventure. At each point along your
journey, you’ll do four things:
Challenge 3
1. Pause: You’ll use your
Focus the pause button
flashlight to stop
inside youryour body
body. Canand
youstop talking
notice so you can
any feelings that
practice responding instead of reacting.
you have? Describe each feeling you notice: What does it feel like in your
body? What sorts of thoughts do you have about it? Have you ever had the
2. T une in: You’ll usebefore?
feeling your focus
Are flashlight to notice
you comfortable what’s
with happening inside you and
the feeling?
around you. Then you’ll name what you are feeling so you can understand what you
need.

3. M
 easure it: You’ll use your OK monitor to decide how you’re feeling about your
experience right now—if you’re “OK,” “almost not OK,” or “not OK.”

 ope withChallenge
4. C 4 passed your “too much” point and are not OK (or almost not
it: If you’ve
Rub the
OK), you’ll choose palms of
a coping your
skill hands
to feel together fast for 10 seconds. Focus your
better.
flashlight on the palms of your hands. How do they feel? What do they
lookyou
Are like? ready
Touch one
toofsetyouroff
palms
on toour
youradventure?
forehead. What do you notice?

2 Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved.
 Quiz

WHAT’S YOUR
WorksheetREACTION STYLE?

“ TOO MUCH” STUFF

Two people can experience the same exact situation on the outside but experience it differently
on the inside, meaning that how they react to the situation can be quite different. The word
react is just
Since each a simple
of us way todifferent
is different, refer to things
how we behave
will (the
push us toactions
our “toowe take that others can
much”
see), and
points. these to
Getting actions
know are
thesuper related
situations thattousually
how wefeel
think
likeand
“toofeel inside
much” to(the ways we react
you will
inside help
that youwe
only better prepare
can see). yourself
In other so that
words, when that
a reaction a tough
involves howtime
we behave, think, and feel
happens,
when you’ll beisready
something to takearound
happening good care
us orofeven
yourself.
inside of us. A reaction is usually without our
choice—it happens automatically and can be something we may not be aware of, nor initially
Check
be ableoff
to the situations
change easily.that often push you past your “too much” point:
_____ Getting bad news
This quiz will help you become more aware of your reaction style, which will bring you one
step_____
closerNot
to understanding or being
being that confident kidconfused
we know about
you cansomething
be. As you imagine each example
situation
_____ in the quiz,
Making circle your likely reaction—what you are likely to experience on the inside
a mistake
and how you are likely to act on the outside—and try to be completely honest with yourself.
_____
There’s noThings
“good”not
or going
“bad” as planned
reaction style. It’s just all part of being human. What you’ll be able
to learn
_____isBeing
how to go from these automatic reactions to more flexible responses.
late
_____ 1:
Example Tests and grades
Telling Secrets
_____ Losing a game
One of your good friends promised to keep a secret, but now a few other friends are talking
about _____ Having
it. It’s cleartoo
yourmuch
friendtodidn’t
do keep the secret. You:
_____ Not doing well at something
A. Feel heavy in your body and totally shut down so you don’t feel much inside. You don’t want
Thetogoodkeepnewstalking, so instead
is, you’re goingoftosaying
learn anything totools
a bunch of your in
friend, you quietly
this book to move away and
helpspend
you come
time onback down
your own.from your “too much” point—as well as tools to
prevent you from getting to this point in the first place. Before you know
B.
it, you’ll become
Find the friendawho
pro at responding
gave away your tosecret
hard or challenging
and explode insituations in a
front of everyone so they’ll feel just
healthy way!
as embarrassed as you are: “I know you told! You’re a horrible friend, and I can’t trust you!”

C. Pretend it’s not happening, even though it’s really hurting you. Instead, you stay busy and
put your attention into other things, like offering to help your teacher with something.

D. Get so overwhelmed by the embarrassment that you feel sick, are shaky, and have so many
thoughts swirling around that you feel dizzy. You really don’t know how to fix this situation,
and it’s overwhelming.

Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved. 3
 Example 2: Being Called On

Your teacher calls onChallenge 3 and you’re not sure of the answer. You:
you in class,
Focus your flashlight inside your body. Can you notice any feelings that
A. Freeze up. It’s getting
you have? Describe
more and moreeach feeling
awkward youAfter
now. notice: What
your doesgoes
teacher it feel
onlike in your
to the next
body? shutdown
kid, you just feel totally What sortsinside.
of thoughts do you have about it? Have you ever had the
feeling before? Are you comfortable with the feeling?
B. Grunt and shout that it’s not fair the teacher called on you without any warning!

C. Make a joke. That always seems to make an awkward situation better.

D. Feel your face getting hot as nervousness washes over you. In a shaky voice, you tell the
teacher that you’re not sure, and you can feel everyone looking at you. You just want to
Challenge 4
disappear.
Rub the palms of your hands together fast for 10 seconds. Focus your
Example 3: Hearing flashlight on the palms of your hands. How do they feel? What do they
an Argument
look like? Touch one of your palms to your forehead. What do you notice?
Your parents get in a big fight. You can tell they’re really mad at each other right now. You:

A. Get in your bed, pull the covers over your face, and try to feel nothing about it. Before you
know it, an hour or more has passed, and you’ve just been laying there the whole time.

B. Feel like a volcano is about to explode in you! The more they argue, the more you want to
walk in and shout, “STOP!” But instead, it comes out later through mean remarks and what
your parents call an “attitude.”

C. Shove those uncomfortable feelings deep down and keep

moving along. There are things that need to get done, like
doing homework, washing the dog, or just zoning out in
front of the TV.

D. Can’t stop thinking, “What do I do?” and “This is awful.”

Feelings are swirling around inside you, and it feels like an
alarm bell is going off in your body. You don’t know how to
fix this situation and make everyone OK.

4 Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved.
Example 4: Missing a Friend

A friend promised to play withWorksheet

you at recess, but now they’re playing with someone else. You:

“ TOO MUCH” STUFF

A. Can feel your whole body shut down when you realize they’re not sticking to the plan.
Sadness washes over you, and since it feels like you can’t play now anyway, you go sit by
yourself instead.
Since each of us is different, different things will push us to our “too much”
B. Feel super hurt, but those hurt feelings are starting to feel like a fire inside that’s going to
points. Getting to know the situations that usually feel like “too much” to
youexplode!
will helpYou
youwant
betteryour friendyourself
prepare to feel hurt too,when
so that so you “accidentally”
that a tough timethrow a ball at them.
happens, you’ll be ready to take good care of yourself.
C. Just ignore the uncomfortable feelings and keep moving along to find someone else to play
Check
with.offSure,
the situations thatthere’s
it hurts—but often lots
pushofyou past
stuff youyour
can“too much” point:
do instead.

D. F_____ Getting
eel like bad news
your whole world just collapsed when you realize your friend ditched you. You feel
taken
_____ over by a mixture ofor
Not understanding sadness and worry.
being confused about something
_____ Making a mistake
Take_____
a look back at
Things notyour answers
going to learn more about your reaction style. Keep in mind you
as planned
might have a blend of styles, and in some cases, it depends on the situation. All of us are unique!
_____ Being late
• I f you mostly answered A, you shut down. When things get too intense, you feel
_____ Tests and grades
scared and nervous, and you really don’t want to cause more chaos. Instead of sharing your
_____ Losing
feelings a game
and what you need, you shut down because it just doesn’t feel safe to speak up.

• I_____
f youHaving
mostly too answered
much to do B, you lash out. When things get too intense, anger
swirls
_____ through
Not doing your
wellbody. It feels like a big, intense anger volcano that just needs to burst!
at something
And it often does burst with an explosion of angry words or unhelpful behaviors, like
Thepushing, hitting,
good news or making
is, you’re goingfun of someone
to learn a bunchelse.
of tools in this book to
help you come back down from your “too much” point—as well as tools to
• I f you mostly answered C, you look anywhere else but inside. When
prevent you from getting to this point in the first place. Before you know
thingsbecome
it, you’ll get tooaintense, you try to just
pro at responding ignore
to hard your feelingssituations
or challenging and needs inbecause
a they don’t feel
goodway!
healthy or pleasant. You don’t like feeling uncomfortable stuff. You try to keep the troubling
thoughts and feelings out of your mind, pushing them deep, deep down. Instead, you stay
distracted, thinking about other people’s problems or staying super busy.

• I f you mostly answered D, you get swept away. When things get too intense,
it feels like a big flood of feelings has swept you away. Your body starts to feel unwell, and a
mix of emotions—like sadness, worry, anger, loneliness, and jealousy—might be happening
at once. You’re not even sure what you feel, but you know you don’t feel well and wish you
knew how to make the flood of feelings stop.

Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide. All rights reserved. 5
 MY NOWMAPS TOOLS

OK
Coloring Page:

6 Copyright © 2022, Mind Your Brain, Inc. NowMaps Jr. All rights reserved.
About the Authors
Daniel J. Siegel, MD, author of the NowMaps series, is a clinical professor of psychiatry
at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, the founding co-director of the UCLA
Mindful Awareness Research Center, and the executive director of the Mindsight
Institute. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, with welcome visits from their adult son
and daughter.

Deena Margolin, LMFT, co-author of NowMaps for tweens, specializes in helping children
and families connect with compassion and build skills for resilience. She is a co‑founder of
Big Little Feelings (@biglittlefeelings), a community that helps parents and caregivers of
children ages 1–6 to navigate tricky toddler situations and raise resilient, compassionate
humans. Her experience includes serving as associate director of the Mindsight Institute
under Dr. Dan Siegel and Caroline Welch; she later trained at the Center for Mindful Living.

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