I was a Normal Child

I am not a normal child anymore. I don’t remember when I used to be

either. This disease, it’s a disgrace. I will die soon and I know it. My
parents are ashamed because of me. But I know this isn’t my fault. My
life turned upside down even before I knew it and it’s all because of
that medical report. Yes, that printed sheet of paper that confirmed I
was HIV +ve. What did I do to deserve this? I am humiliated when I go
to school every day. The teachers, my friends, my other classmates,
everyone stays away from me. They all wished I were dead. I want to
suicide, but I’m not a coward. I want to give up, but I’m no quitter. I
want to run away but I’m not a recreant. It was just a matter of weeks
when everyone started treating me like a rat that contains plague.
Maybe, that’s what I really was, a mere rat containing plague that
would affect people if they’d come near me. No sooner than, I felt like
a tissue paper that was thrown in the garbage after being used and
torn.

I’m not a normal child anymore because if I was, I would have been
there, on the football field, striking a goal. This sickness, I don’t know
when it will leave me and I don’t know why I’m here too. Why didn’t
Varun or anyone else get affected? What wrong have I done to be in
this situation? I’m the one who gets bullied everyday and I’m not the
one who gets punished by the principal every now and then. I’m just 10
and I’ve already shamed my parents, neighborhood, school, friends,
everyone around me. My mother won’t talk to me because of that little
printed paper. Why did all of this happen suddenly? Wasn’t everything
going so well already? I was getting brilliant grades, was liked by so
many people in school and also made my parents proud once upon a time.
I don’t know why I’m here.

I was a normal child when my parents would drop me to school and not
to the hospital. AIDS does alienate an individual from themselves, from
the society, from the family and now from their loved ones too. My
friends who would make promises to stay with me forever have now
vanished into thin air. I am tired of being depressed and guilty for my
situation because I didn’t ask for this. If I was evil enough like Varun
and his friends, I would go around sneezing at everyone who mocks at
me. But, I’m no quitter and definitely not an idiot like them. I’m going
to get through this. Probably not get well soon or anything, but prove
that I am still a normal child.

I was a normal child when my birthdays would be the best in town,

where everyone from my school would remember and wish me. But, I
didn’t WANT to get AIDS. I am here because I guess, God’s got a plan
and it’s definitely not something I had ever thought about. They say,
there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, but they forgot that
there’s light even after you die. There are millions of things that ‘they’
say, but I’m saying that I will demand respect. So what if I have
AIDS? I’m still human, I still have look like everyone else, I’m still
Akash and I’m still 10. So, what’s with this intuitive discrimination
towards me just because I am HIV +ve? AIDS does not spread by
holding hands, hugging or coming close to a person. No matter how many
AIDS programmes people have alerted us about, some people just don’t
understand and still treat me like I’m not human. I know I will die soon,
but till then, I’m going to live the way I want to, the way I desire, the
way I’ve always been living, but this time, not for others, but for
myself.