CONSUMERISM: There is a common belief that consumerism made individuals too

focused on money and material possessions and more materialistic. However, there is
a different viewpoint, meanwhile, that suggests consumerism has really helped many
people‘s lives. Consumerism may lead people to place an excessive amount of value
on money and material belongings, but it also has a number of advantages that make
it more positive phenomenon.

On the one hand, consumerism supports materialism by leading individuals into

never-ending cycle of purchasing and selling. In other words, people are more
concentrating on buying items, both those they need and those they want. Sometimes,
people buy products they may not even need due to marketing techniques have the
power to influence consumers. On of the best example , in this case, is iPhones by
Apple. Every year, Apple releases a new version of the iPhones to the public,
promising purchasers improvements over the previous generation but it may not
always be true. Even so, a lot of people purchase a new model, not only because they
need it but also because of the brand reputation for quality products and the sense of
importance they might offer.

On the other hand, consumerism helps to economic growth. A lot of companies are
opened, thus creating more jobs. These businesses compete with each other, in order
to reducing the underperformers. Costumers can now purchase goods that are better
and safer. Additionally, consumerism offers people with more options. For example,
nowadays, markets have goods for people with specific needs. These could be
products that are sugar-free and meeting the needs of diabetics. This is a single
example of many ways in which consumerism can provide people opportunities that
can improve their lives. From this point of view, living in the ‘‘consumer culture’’
seems to be a good development.

In conclusion, consumerism has both positive and negative sides that can either make
one‘s life worse or better. However, I believe that consumerism offers more benefits
and improves people‘s lives. These benefits frequently come in the form from new
possibilities and safer products.
Let's analyze the Text Range (TR) aspects of your response and identify specific
problems:

**Text Range (TR)**:

1. **Introduction Clarity**: Your introduction could be more clear and focused. The
first sentence introduces the topic, but the second sentence starts with "However, there
is a different viewpoint," which creates confusion as it's unclear what viewpoint you
are referring to.

*Improvement*: You can improve the introduction by clearly stating the opposing
viewpoints. For example, "While some argue that consumerism leads to materialism,
others believe it has positive effects on people's lives."

2. **Paragraph Structure**: Your essay lacks clear paragraph structure. It's important
to divide your essay into paragraphs to separate different parts of your essay, such as
the introduction, main points, and conclusion.

*Improvement*: Divide your essay into paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph for
the introduction, separate paragraphs for each main point, and a concluding paragraph.

3. **Word Choice and Clarity**: There are instances where word choices could be
more precise for better clarity. For example, the sentence, "Costumers can now
purchase goods that are better and safer," is unclear due to the word "costumers,"
which should be "customers." Also, "in order to reducing the underperformers" could
be clearer as "in order to eliminate underperforming businesses."

*Improvement*: Use precise and clear language to enhance the clarity of your essay.

4. **Conclusion Clarity**: Your conclusion is somewhat vague and could be more

definitive. It mentions "benefits" and "new possibilities," but these should be specified
for greater clarity.

*Improvement*: Specify the benefits and possibilities you're referring to. For
example, "In conclusion, consumerism offers a wide range of benefits, including
improved product options, economic growth, and job opportunities."

**Overall Score Estimate for Text Range**: The primary issues in this aspect are
related to the clarity of the introduction, paragraph structure, word choice, and the
specificity of the conclusion. Improving these aspects would enhance the overall text
range of your essay. Considering these issues, your response would likely score
around 6.0 to 6.5 on the IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria for Text Range.
Let's examine the Coherence and Cohesion (CC) aspects of your response and identify
specific problems:

**Coherence and Cohesion (CC)**:

1. **Introduction and Thesis Statement**: In your introduction, you use the phrase
"meanwhile" incorrectly. "Meanwhile" is used to indicate a simultaneous occurrence,
but here, you are introducing a different viewpoint. It creates confusion. Your thesis
statement should be more specific to guide the reader about what to expect in the
essay.

*Improvement*: Revise the introduction and thesis statement for clarity. For
example, "While some argue that consumerism leads to materialism, others believe it
has positive effects on people's lives. This essay will explore both perspectives."

2. **Paragraph Structure**: Your essay lacks clear paragraph structure. It's important
to divide your essay into paragraphs to separate different parts of your essay, such as
the introduction, main points, and conclusion.

*Improvement*: Divide your essay into paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph for
the introduction, separate paragraphs for each main point, and a concluding paragraph.

3. **Transition Phrases**: Effective transition words or phrases are essential to

connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. In some places, you lack
such transition phrases, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument
smoothly.

*Improvement*: Use transition phrases like "On the one hand," "On the other hand,"
"In addition," and "In conclusion" to signal shifts between ideas and create a logical
flow.

4. **Word Choice and Clarity**: There are instances where word choices could be
more precise for better clarity. For example, "On of the best example" should be "One
of the best examples." Additionally, the phrase "in order to reducing the
underperformers" is unclear.

*Improvement*: Use precise and clear language to enhance the clarity of your essay.

**Overall Score Estimate for Coherence and Cohesion**: The main issues in this
aspect are related to the introduction, paragraph structure, lack of effective transition
phrases, and the clarity of certain sentences. Improving these aspects would enhance
the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay. Considering these issues, your
response would likely score around 6.0 to 6.5 on the IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria for
Coherence and Cohesion.
Let's analyze the Grammar Range and Accuracy (GRA) aspects of your response and
identify specific problems:

**Grammar Range and Accuracy (GRA)**:

1. **Verb Tense Inconsistency**: There are several instances of inconsistent verb

tenses in your essay. For example, you wrote, "On of the best example," which should
be "One of the best examples." In the same sentence, you used the past tense "is,"
which should be the present tense "is."

*Improvement*: Correct the verb tense inconsistencies. For example, "One of the
best examples," and "is iPhones by Apple."

2. **Subject-Verb Agreement**: In the sentence, "Sometimes, people buy products

they may not even need due to marketing techniques have the power to influence
consumers," there is a subject-verb agreement error. The subject "marketing
techniques" should be followed by the singular verb "has."

*Improvement*: Correct the subject-verb agreement error. For example, "marketing

techniques have the power."

3. **Sentence Structure**: Some sentences have awkward structures that make the
meaning unclear. For example, "These businesses compete with each other, in order to
reducing the underperformers" is unclear due to the phrase "in order to reducing."

*Improvement*: Rewrite the sentence for clarity, such as "These businesses compete
with each other to reduce underperformers."

4. **Word Usage and Clarity**: In the sentence, "Additionally, consumerism offers

people with more options," the phrase "offers people with more options" could be
simplified for clarity.

*Improvement*: Simplify the phrase to "provides people with more options."

**Overall Score Estimate for Grammar Range and Accuracy**: The main issues in
this aspect are related to verb tense inconsistency, subject-verb agreement, sentence
structure, and word usage. Improving these aspects would enhance the overall
grammar and accuracy of your essay. Considering these issues, your response would
likely score around 6.0 to 6.5 on the IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria for Grammar
Range and Accuracy.
Let's analyze the Lexical Resource (LR) aspects of your response and identify specific
problems:

**Lexical Resource (LR)**:

1. **Word Choice and Precision**: There are instances where word choices could be
more precise for better clarity. For example, in the sentence, "Sometimes, people buy
products they may not even need due to marketing techniques have the power to
influence consumers," the phrase "due to marketing techniques have the power" lacks
clarity.

*Improvement*: Use more precise language. For example, "Sometimes, people

purchase products they don't actually need because marketing techniques can be
persuasive."

2. **Repetition**: You've used the word "consumerism" multiple times in close

proximity. This repetition can make the text sound less varied.

*Improvement*: Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to reduce repetition. For

example, you can use "consumer culture" or "excessive consumption" instead of
"consumerism."

3. **Word Form**: In the sentence, "On of the best example," there is an issue with
the word form. It should be "One of the best examples."

*Improvement*: Correct the word form to "One of the best examples."

4. **Collocation**: In the sentence, "a lot of people purchase a new model, not only
because they need it but also because of the brand reputation for quality products and
the sense of importance they might offer," the phrase "sense of importance" doesn't
collocate well in this context.

*Improvement*: Use a more appropriate phrase, such as "perceived prestige" or

"sense of status."

**Overall Score Estimate for Lexical Resource**: The primary issues in this aspect
are related to word choice and precision, repetition, word form, and collocation.
Improving these aspects would enhance the overall lexical resource of your essay.
Considering these issues, your response would likely score around 6.0 to 6.5 on the
IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria for Lexical Resource.