Births, marriages and deaths Reading 1 Read the text several times over the next day or 20, doing the exercise following it each time. This will help you to remember and use the key words in the text. Having a buby ‘The day I got the results of the pregnancy test — positive, ‘pregnancy confirmed'— I was over the moon. I sat down and made out a shopping bst straightaway, List for Baby cot (or crib) for baby to sleep in pram and pushehair land a carry-cot) to transport him or her 2 dozen nappies for him or her to wear (undernesth) safety-pins for his or her nappy high-chair for him or her to sit in at mealtimes bb yound his / her neck when he’s / she’s eating dummy for him or her to suck rattle for him or her tu shake toys and dolls (and a teddy-bear) for hima or her to play with potty for him or her to sit on to avoid nappies a8 S00n as possible masses of cotton wool for general cleaning and wiping Icouldn’t believe il: me a mother-to-be! Actually pregnant! Expecting! ‘An expectant mother’ — that was my favourtte description of me. My friends all yoked about me being on some kind of fertility drug, conceiving as I did so soon after our wedding. Thad the customary morning sickness for « while, but after that, no trouble. Ewent along te the ante-natal clinic every fortnight and started doing all the proper breathing exerclses like an excited child. And I read! Book after book on the subject of childbirth: how big the foetus is in the ‘womb at the various stages, the pros and cons of confinement at home, how 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, the dangers of this and that. Some of it wasn't very pleasant reading, Tean tell you. ‘The feeling of relief was indescribable when, at the beginning of the fifth month, the doctor said he could hear the bety’s heartbeat. He was a fully-trained gynaecologist, hy the way —or was he an obstetrician? — I can’t remember. A few days later I felt the first Ikiek, and that was a protiy exciting moment, too. It. was in the twenty-eighth week that things began to go wrong. I had had several blood tests before, but after this one | was told my blood pressure was far too high ~ there was a risk of blood poisoning — and I would have to go into hospital, There followed a period of heartburn, cramp, vomiting and insomnia. I kept overhearing bits of conversations: may have to induce labour, ‘if the baby ispremature, we'll ..” etc. My mind was filled with visions of incubators, induction, Caesarian operations and appalling complications. And the baby wasn’t due for another six woeks! When the time came, I was in labour for twenty-three hours. I remember shonting through a haze as they took me into the labour ward: ‘No drip! No drugs! No stitches! Please!” I came out having had them all, and in the end it was a forceps delivery — or so I'm tuld. After all that, I just looked forward to the simple joys of motherhood. When they told me I couldn’t breast-feed and she would have to be bottle-fed, my post-natal depression really star‘ed. Some nights I would lie awake mumbling ‘Never agant’. It’s been pretty well the same story each time, but after the fifth I gave up saying ‘Never again’. i really do think that the stork system of having babies has a lot of advantages.* Practice 1 Find all these figures and places in the text. Then show how they are relevant, as im the examples. 15% That's how many pregnancies end in mesearreage. masses That's how much cotton wool she bought. 28th 23 hours at least 6 2 dozen the ante-natal clinic every 2 weeks the labour ward NOUR Oe @ = Add any further vocabulary that you feel is relevant to babies here. Reading 2 There are two stories below, one about marriage, and one about divorce. Start in the middle column, which both stories have in common, Then read each story When you have finished, cover the left-hand and right-hand columns in turn and try to remember the marital expressions, For the six months of our engagement, we trial separation, 1 seemed blissfully happy, £0 we 1 decided to go ahead and get married. get a divorce. ‘There were lots of decisions tu make: whether tohave a civil marriage in aregistry office or marry in chureh and have a white wedding We finally decided on the latter. After that, it was mainly @ question (1 thought) of where tu have the reception and where to go on our honeymoon. ‘ym The night before, he hada stag party organized by his best man while [had a hen party with some girlfriends, When we arrived at the church, we mare a etrange trio, I must say: me as the bride, Richard as the (bride) groom and my little sister as my bridesmaid. ‘The viear (priest) had a Jot to say and the service took ages “Gwendoline Mary, do you take this man, Richard Percy. in holy matrimony, to . My father gave me away, and cried. It seemed very strange for a few days to say, ‘Tma married woman’ But I never regretted it Well, Add here any other words about marriage that you meet. sue on the grounds of incompatibility or his cruelty or his adultery. | how much alimony he should pay and how much maintenance for the children. I spent hours recalling all our anniversaries and going through correspondence with my solicitor divorce court, the plaintiff, the respondent, the co-respondent. The judge (magistrate) the case ‘hereby dissolve’ — or did he say ‘annul? — this marringe ... and award a decree nisi to.” was in court with me, ‘Tm not a divorcée, but ] will be in six weeks time when I get o decree absolute.Reading 3 Look through these thoughts on death over the next few days, noting some of the many words and expressions that may be required on this delicate subject. Most of our relatives are dead. It’s a big subject. We all die. ‘The priest says we have gone to meet our Maker ~ gone to a better place. Close relatives say we have passed away. Schoolboys say someone has kieked the bucket. Legally speaking, we are referred to as deceased. ‘There are a hundred and one ways to die. Most people would like to die from natural causes — of old age. Many dor’t, as you can see below. Causes of Death among US males aged 25 to 44 1 Accidents 19,744 2 Heart Diseases 10,628 3 Cancer 7,690 4 Homicide 7,369 5 Suicide 6.868 Notes 1 Accidental death covers many things, of course. A fair proportion of those above will have been knocked down in a road accident, many will have died at the wheel of their car A few will have died in plane crashes, some will have drowned at sea. Some will have been burnt to death in 2 fre, a number gassed, rather inore electrocuted. A lot no doubt suffocated or were asphyxiated in an airiess room or fire, one or two will have choked to death on a fish-bone. 4 There are a hundred and one ways of being killed. If you are an important ebrity, you ean be assassinated, Remember the assassination of JFK and the subsequent murder of his suspected assassin? You can be stabbed to death with a eword or knife, You can he ehet with a gm like Rennie and Clyde. You ean be poisoned with something you didnt order in your dinner, You can be strangted with a piece of string or scarf. The Boston Strangler might ring a bell? War brings with it a language of its own: missing, presumed dead; fataily wounded; he laid down his life for his country; she sacrificed herself for the sake ofher comrades, In wartime, and even sometimes in peacetime, one hears of massacres and slaughter, with hundreds of victims and often no survivors. There are ather ways of being killed, apart from heing murdered or being killed in action. Capital punishment 1s one of them. Many countries still retain the death penalty fer serious offenders. If you are sentenced to death and are not pardoned or reprieved at a later date, then you will be executed; perhaps hanged — with a rope, or electrocuted — m the electrie chair, or guillotined — remember the French Revolution, or shat ~ by a firing squad, or garotted or ‘beheaded or .... But enough is enough, Fhear you cry. Agreed. If I could just remind you, though, that a couple of thousand years ego you might have been erueified — on. across, or stoned to death, like some Christian martyrs, ‘There area hundred and one ways of committing suicide. Many of the horrors above you can de to yourself, but the most popular method is to take an overdose of drugs like Marilyn Monroe and too many others. Ic outhanasia murder? Is voluntary euthanasia the same as suicide? Are they all crimes or do you believe that merey-killing can bring welcome release?‘The statistics dea] only with men aged twenty-five to forty-four. Twenty-five 15 very young, but death can come earlier. The infant mortality rate in some countries is as high as one in three. Despite the advances in medical science, many babies are stillborn, and the number of inexplicable cot deaths continues to give cause for alarm, For many people, all these figures are somewhat overshadowed by the fact that millions are dying of hunger. starving to death. Some are dying of thirst, many more of malnutrition. Is there a bloodbath waiting round the corner, do you think? Aholocaust waiting for the spark? Alot of things have to be done after death. An inquest may have to be held to determine how we died, This might involve a postamortem or autopsy, Then, most. of the arangements are made by a firm of funeral directors — or undertakers. Much depends on whether we have chosen to be buried or cremated. For burial, ‘we will be concerned with a coffin. in which to place the body. a hearse. in which to transport it, a grave, im which the coffin will finally be placed, and 5 eemetery (or graveyard). in which the grave will be dug. For cremation, more simply, an urn tu hald ou ashes, and a crematorium to hold the service. In either ease, one might, expect wreaths to be brought to the funeral service and an epitaph tu be engraved on our headstone. Then it will be ume for the will to be read; death duties may have to be paid; cur heir will inherit our estate; our widow or widower will no doubt be in mourning for a long time to come We are unlikely to have a tomb. Napoleon has a tomb in Paris, but that honour is. reserved for people like him. Nor will our eorpses be laid to rest in a mausoleum. It is extremely unlikely that someone will compose a requiem in our honour or build a statue to our memory, and almost certain that we shall not He in state fur even a day. An obituary in The Times would be asking a lot. No, I think the most we can. hope for is that someone might recognize our talents posthumously and dedicate something to us then. RIP, as we say, or rest in peace Practice 2 fi) @ Below you will find definitions of some of the important words m the ext. Try to give the word for each of them. If you cannot remember it, read the text again to find it. person who murders someone important a large decorative grave with a space inside be unable to breathe air; dying or killing in this way to kill by pressing on the throat with the hands someone put to death for their belie! poor condition of health resulting from lack of (good) food to burn the body of a dead person at 2 funeral ceremony an arrangement of flowers such as those given at a funeral a statement of how you want your things to be be shared after your death 8 piece of music written for a dead person Seouemeane _ ‘Write or discuss the answers to these questions. 1 What poems, plays and films have you read and seen which deal with the subject. of death? What was your reaction to them? 2 Haw would you summarise modern thinking about the way babies should be born? Do you agree with these theories? 3. What needs to be done to make a wedding ceremony successfial? Wnite or act out a conversation in which you ask sameone how her recent pregnancy went and how the baby is doing,