PARTICIPANT P

Researcher: So magandang hapon, ang session na ito ay recorded na may pahintulot mula sa ating
participant. Ako po ay magpapakilala sir, magandang hapon po. Ako po si James Philip Ray Pinggolio. Ako
po ay kasalukuyang kumukuha ng aking PhD in Counseling Psychology sa De La Salle University Manila.
Ang aking dissertation study ay tungkol sa experiences of being tolerated or yung tinotolera among
Filipino gay teachers.
So unang-una po sa lahat, sir, gusto ka lang pong magpasalamat kasi alam ko sobrang busy po kayo sa
inyong trabaho or sa inyong mga pag-aaral pero kayo po ay, kumbaga pinaunlakan nyo itong araw na ito
para maging participant ng aking study. Sir, gusto ko lang po kayong makilala po ng lubusan. So maaari
po kayong magpakilala, inyong pangalan, age, affiliation po ninyo, educational background at
professional background.
Participant P: Alright. Hi, I'm Gerald. I'm 30 years old. I'm actually a Catholic. I'm a practicing Catholic.
I'm also teaching in a Catholic institution, exclusive school for girls. I finished with an educational degree,
Secondary Education Major In Physical Education sa Philippine Normal University. This is my 10th year sa
academe. So yes, masaya ako. Nakaabot ako ng 10 years. I'm teaching actually multi-level grade school
and high school but if you will ask me, mas pabor sa akin ang high school. I think I don't have much
patience kapag medyo malilit ang bata. And also my discipline is dance. I do sports but my discipline is
dance so medyo mas masaya ako kapag high school yung tinuturoan ko ng dance. Yun lang.
Researcher: Ayun sir. Okay sir. Sir, you have mentioned that you're already 10th year in the academe po.
In your present school, sir, was it the first school wherein you've been hired or may mga iba pa ba kayong
school, sir, na pinasukan or pinagkrabahuhan po?
Participant P: this is my first school. Nag-apply ako dito di pa ako graduate sa PNU. So pagka-graduate,
dito na ako. Up until now. And I think, as of the moment, feeling ko naman mag-stay pa ako for the next
5 years. So parang ganun po yung nakikita ko with my career.
Researcher: Opo. Ayun sir. And then, sir, may I know when did you got your license po? Mga anong year
po?
Participant P: Ah, 2014 also. I graduated 2014 and then nag-take agad ako. Yung first na take, di ba, may
dalawa yung dates for that. I think September. So yun yung board exam na pinag-take.
Researcher: Opo. So, it was in September 2014. Tapos, sir, you have mentioned you graduated in PNU.
Sir, at present po ba, kayo po ba ay nag-aaral, diploma or grad school, Masters?
Participant P: Actually, yan. Sige, pag-usapan natin yan. Hindi na ako nakapag-Masters. It's because of
the idea na ayoko na sanang mag-aral. Ito yung mga medyo early 20s mindset ko na ayoko na mag-aral,
I'm okay na. I'm working na. And at the same time, actually, I also have another job. I'm also a makeup
artist. I do events. Sa creatives. Actually, I don't want to be a teacher in the beginning. Gusto ko talaga
nasa theater. Gusto ko nasa creatives. Gusto ko performing arts and whatsoever. Pero dito ako napunta.
And I think nothing happens by chance kasi minahal ko naman siya. So kaya hindi ako nakapag-nag-
pursue pa ng higher education. It's because of, one, I don't feel like studying anymore noong beginning.
Noong medyo bata-bata pa ako na I have a lot of energy pa. Pero now, I see the importance of education
or pursuing higher education. Pero dahil my other career in makeup artistry is also blooming. So wala na
talaga ako. So currently, if you will ask me if I have plans or whatsoever, I actually enrolled in a diploma
course in PNU. It's just that it's not yet open. So, once it's open, I will take the diploma degree. It's like
diploma in teaching arts major in dance. So yun pa rin. So, I want to pagandahin pa rin yung teaching
styles ko and my knowledge about the different disciplines in dance.
Researcher: Opo. Ayan. Tapos sir, in your present school, ito ay full-time regular job po?
Participant P: Yes, yes.
Researcher: Opo. Tapos yung pag may makeup artist, kumbaga parang side hassle?
Participant P: Yes. Weekends and holidays. Yung mga ganyan. Pag-vacation day.
Researcher: Opo. Buti naman manage nyo sir yung paggawa ng lesson plan.
Participant P: You really have to stick with your schedule. Kapag work hours, work hours. Kung
magdadimplan siya ng extension after work hours, I will do that. So, I can allot my weekends sa other
passion that I want, which is the makeup art.
Researcher: Opo. Pero at least yung school is very open with regards to your part-time din.
Participant P: I think the idea of being open is yes. Kasi I have other colleagues na meron iba din side
hassle. As long as they were informed ahead of time, bago ka mag-start, bago nilang malaman. For
example, if you want to coach in another school or other job aside from teaching, basta inform sila.
Especially if you will sign a contract with another employer. Pero pag freelance ka, just like me, I think
okay lang naman.
Of course, there are certain parameters kasi you're still hired under an institution. Meron din silang
certain rules din sila that you have to follow. Especially if you're a teacher in a Catholic institution. Medyo
sensitive sila sa image of the teachers, how you project yourself in front of the students, and outside
school, inside school. So I think yun yung main reason why you have to inform the institution if you have
another job aside from teaching here in our institution.
Researcher: Ayun, sir. Okay, so you have mentioned about Catholic, sir. So kanina you mentioned that
your religious affiliation is Roman Catholic. Sir, active po ba tayo in terms of the church organizations? Or
do you attend mass every Sunday? So how do you profess your faith po?
Participant P: Sige, I used to be. That's the best answer I can give. I am a kid. Nag-ano ako Kids for Christ,
Youth for Christ. Naging altar server pa ko. I go to mass. Aside from going to Sunday masses, I also attend
FIS. I don't know if you're familiar with that. A Catholic group din siya. I do pray the rosary even though
it's not a rosary month. I am a Marian devotee, actually. I go to Baclaran every Wednesday before. But
life events happen. A similar study of Ateneo students happened way back, I think two years ago or a
year ago. And then I was able to get something from that.
That's why I'm very excited with this. Kasi during that time, nung nag-prepare ako because I really want
to give the best for these students. I realized a lot of things. Na parang bakit sobrang daming concern
with regards to being gay and being a Catholic plus being a teacher. Kasi yung being a gay and a Catholic,
big thing na siya. Big issue na siya and concern of other people. So nadagdagan mo pa ng traditional idea
of being a teacher. That you must be almost perfect. Or sometimes, hindi na human yung tingin sa
teacher because you should be the best example. So, it changes my perspective in terms of my Catholic
faith. I'm not saying na I'm not practicing anymore 100% or I'm not non-believer. I am a believer. I am a
strong believer. It's just that my practices now or the way I profess my faith is different now. I have
personal issues also.
How my faith and yung pag-profess ko ng faith affects. One is the reality of being aware of what's
happening. Sobrang trigger ko talaga sa news kapag yung mga Catholic priests or people sa church do
immoral things. And they judge gay people being immoral. One is the rapist priests, yung mga ganyan. Or
people sa church na nag-corrupt, yung ganyan. So, a lot of things. So parang ito talaga, ito yung exact
words na tumakbo sa utak ko.
Bakit ako ma-attend ng Sunday mass speaking to a priest who's a human na pwedeng gumawa din
naman na immorality? Pero yung mga teachings na sinasabi nila during the sermon or during the mass is
how sure I am na nag-walk your talk sila if the news says this one. So parang ako, dun lang siya nag-start.
So nung nag-introspect ako of how will I profess my faith because during that time, I questioned myself.
Naniniwala pa ba ako sa Diyos after hearing this news or being aware of the situations happening in the
Catholic Church?
And my answer is strongly and sounding yes. I still believe. And I believe na God is with me pa rin. I can
still feel the presence of the Lord. It's just that I have a different feeling if I'm in front of priests or people
who are very devoted na parang sobrang, Oh, totoo pa ba yan? Baka after ni Lord, ikaw na. Yung mga
ganon. So yun lang. Dun lang naman nagbago yung perspective but the connection to God. Sabi ko nga,
even though I don't attend masses anymore or as frequent as before, I still have strong connections. So I
don't think naman nawala. Nag-iba lang yung ways ko to communicate with Him.
Researcher: Kumbaga sir, parang in terms of, it's more the spirituality that you are holding. Kasi di ba, we
also talked about the difference of religiosity, yung following the doctrines and all, and then spirituality,
how you connect yourself to the Supreme Being. So isang part din yung spirituality.
Okay sir, ngayon sir, you have mentioned kanina your identity as gay, Catholic. Sir, how comfortable you
are talking about your sexual orientation as gay?
Participant P: I'm very, very open. I'm very comfortable. I'm very open to my friends, to my family, even
to my colleagues, and even to some of my students who are asking. But I have limitations in terms of
school because there's an ongoing conversation na hindi talaga sila 100% open in terms of sexuality. It's
because of the idea na my institution that I'm working with right now is a traditional Catholic school.
So the idea of being progressive in such a way that they recognize gay people equivalent to a Christian,
eh hindi pa masyadong same level. So kung tatanungin I'm comfortable, I'm very comfortable. If a
random person will ask my gender identity, I can freely answer his or her question. And I can actually
discuss my being to him or to her. I don't have any concern with that and I'm very, very open.
Researcher: Okay, so that's nice to hear, sir. Sir, just want to ask po, when did you realize that you are
gay?
Participant P: Actually, medyo I think grade school, meron ka ng idea of, I'm not straight, but I don't
know yet kung ano ako. It's because I was not exposed during that time of the terms, of the real
definition of a gay, a bi, a trans, a queer. I don't know yet. Ang alam ko lang, lagi akong inaasar na bakla
ako. So it's hard for me to define ano ba yung bakla. Why do people use it as an insult? So parang even
though you want to recognize na “ay baka bakla nga ako. Parang ayoko siyang i-accept, it's because
people see it as a different, like parang hindi maganda. But eventually, I think maturity and openness, I
think feeling ko high school, like first year high school. Kasi during that time, parang mas matured
enough na ako. Marami na ako nakikita, mas visible sa akin ang gay people in mainstream, in my school
back then, nung grade school ako. Tapos nung high school ako, there are gay people na older sa akin,
students also, and teachers.
So parang mas medyo nabuo yung idea sa utak ko na, “ah, ito pala yun, siya pala yung gay, siya pala yung
bakla.” But during that time, I'm not aware who's trans, who's queer, and who's bi. And then later on,
nag-progress na lang yun as you journey with your life. So madedefine na lang talaga siya. And of course,
may mga political definition of that one. So, kung tatanungin ako ba, i-debate natin, I think first year high
school. I was able to say that I'm gay. Na bakla ako.
Researcher: Okay po. Okay. And then sir, speaking of that you discovered yourself as gay when you were
in first year high school po, or parang you really identified yourself as a gay during your first-year high
school, was there any instance that you came out, or may mga coming out experiences ba kayo sir, or
wala na? What you see is what you get?
Participant P: Actually, meron. Pero nung later na to, ha, medyo matanda na. Pero with my friends, I
think I don't need to define myself during that time or no one is asking naman, oh because I used to be
flamboyant. I am flamboyant back then. I mean, sobrang bata pa lang ako. I'm very expressive myself.
Kasi nga nagsasayaw ako. So uso sexbomb nun. So yun yung sikat nun. So wala kang sexbomb na moves,
alam ko siya. So parang during that time, na-define na ako ng society, even before I define myself.
Because of that one. Because that's the ano eh. Di ba that's a common definition na if you're
flamboyant, if you're very feminine, you're gay. Ganon.
Pero yung out talaga, I don't think naman need ko siyang gawin. Pero gusto ko kasing makakawala. I want
to be free and I don't want to be questioned. So nung 21st birthday ko, nag-out talaga ako. Sa party. May
celebration ako. And 21st birthday siya. And talagang may ano. I'm holding a microphone. I'm giving my
speech. Sinabi ko, “I'm very excited to enter my 21st birthday or my year. I want to celebrate my 21 years
of existence. And I want to say that I'm gay and I'm proud to be one.” Sabi long ganyan.
Tapos nagpalakpakan lang. My whole family, my colleagues, and my friends are there. So, I think it's like
a freedom story, a freedom moment for me. At the same time, allowing the people to enter into my life.
Because of my not so good experiences.
Medyo ano ka, di ba? Takot ka to open up to a lot of people. Pero during that time, I allowed myself to
be vulnerable. And at the same time, I allowed myself na papasukin yung mga tao sa puso ko. I think
that's my coming out story. Yan yung 21st birthday ko.
Researcher: Okay. Parang ang gandang ano nun, sir. You came out on your 21st birthday. Freedom, in
terms of age and at the same time, in terms of your sexuality. Parang it's coming out. Ayun, sir. Maaari
nyo bang maibahagi sa akin kung gaano kayo, kumbaga paano nakakaapekto yung inyong sexual
orientation sa pakikitungon ninyo sa inyong magulang, sa inyong mga studyante, sa inyong mga
colleagues. So paano nakaapekto yung inyong sexual orientation?
Participant P: I don't see any difference naman. Paano siya nakakapekto? It's because siguro dahil
natanggap ko yung sarili ko or kinilala ko at nakilala ko yung sarili ko for who I am. I feel like mas naging
open ako for growth. Kasi wala akong restrictions and hindrances. So parang, “oh I should move this way
or dapat hindi ako makita na very flamboyant yung male PE teacher or dapat yung bunsong anak na
lalaki, dapat strong siya or something like that. Or in our group, sa friends namin, na dapat hindi iba yung
tingin sa akin out of the other boys na friends namin sa circle.”
So parang feeling ko, because of my gender identity and acceptance of my gender identity, I think mas
na-express ko yung sarili ko freely. So parang hindi ko siya naging concern. So na-set aside siya. So, mas
nag-focus ako to be better. Parang mas nag-focus ako how I can improve myself. Pero somehow, nung
tinanong mo siya, ang unang pumasok sa akin ay the idea of being free. Freely to express myself. So
parang dahil yung gender identity ko, the society kasi parang may idea na if you're gay, you should be
good all the time. May ganon siyang idea. It's because the idea is, dahil alam kong minority, marginalized,
or I experienced being discriminated, I always make sure na magaling ako every time I will do something.
That's a very young of me. Yung mga early twenties ko dito sa Assumption, yung mga bago palang ako
dito. Kailangan magiliw ako. Every time I will be given a chance to hold a microphone, dapat lahat ng
sasabihin ko at gagawin ko maganda. Kapag binigyan ako ng task ng boss ko, dapat effective siya. Dapat
may classroom observation, dapat magaling ako. Pero hindi dahil I want to be better, it's because of my
sexuality that affected my perspective in life talaga. At saka my point of view na parang dapat walang
makikitaan na butas para i-discriminate ako with my sexuality.
Dapat ang makikita nila na magaling agad ako. I think it's a defense mechanism, people might say that
one. But I think that affected, that's how it affected my life, yung sa gender identity ko. I want always to
be, like, yung best version of myself palagi.
Researcher: So, you've been discriminated before, yung mga ganung experiences. So, let's go on to the
core of this interview, sir. Let's talk about your tolerance experiences po. Or yung experiences ng
tinotolera or hinahayaan lang. Meron ba kayong mga experiences, sir, na parang feeling nyo, hindi naman
siya totally discriminated. Kasi, I know that you've experienced it. And then hindi rin siya totally
accepted. Parang hinahayaan lang kayo or tinotolerate lang kayo in terms of your actions, in terms of
your existence. So can you share some of your experiences, sir, wherein you feel that you're just being
tolerated, not accepted?
Participant P: Okay. The first one is during my final interview here in my institution. I think it lasted for 45
minutes. It's all about naman myself eh. It's all about my background, my family. Pero what struck me
the most during that interview was the last question.
The last question was, what is your gender preference? And then the follow-up question was, are you
sexually attracted to male? Those were the questions. And to be honest, I was ready to answer those
questions. It's because feeling ko hinanda talaga ako ng panahon, naqquestionin talaga ako with my
gender identity.
I was able to answer it. I think I aced that interview. That's why I'm here. But I feel like I'm just being
tolerated. It's because, why would you ask that? Why would you ask that to an employee? Do you even
ask that to all applicants? But note that I was able to pass that final interview. So, I feel like they didn't
mind that I'm gay. So, I feel like, “oh wow, very inclusive naman pala itong institution.”
Even though I answered them honestly na I'm gay, and yes, I'm attracted to same-sex or to male, they
still hired me. So, I think that's one. And then, first quarter of that first school year here in my institution,
I had an incident with a student. During that time, bago pala ang—this is a second story— bago pa lang
ang social media, like Instagram. And then, during that time, di pa naman masyadong strict in terms of
privacy.
Na kailangan, if you're a teacher, dapat nakaprivate account ka or dapat di ka maging friend with the
student. So, during that time, nakapublic yung—it's not intentional. It's the default security system of
Instagram before. Na public account talaga siya. I posted a photo. It's decent. I'm wearing a proper
decent attire. I just posted a picture na yung posing ko is not the traditional manly male teacher.
So just to give you an idea kung ano yun, I'm just standing tapos medyo nakaside view and then medyo
fiercely. So, I don't think na something siya na maccall ng attention or whatsoever. So, what happened,
students were able to find my Instagram account.
And then, they screenshotted that photo of mine. And then, pinost nila sa dummy account nila with, I
guess, mga 5,000 followings. Note to you, these are grade 3 students.
So, during that time, okay pa. Pero I was able to identify na meron palang dummy account yung
students. Tapos meron yung mga nire-repost silang photos.
Pero, ginatawag ako ng admin. It's because of that idea na may nagpost nga daw na students ng photos
ko and whatsoever.
But I think something na na-disturb ako, it's yung idea na. They asked me to review all my photos in my
social media accounts. Parang indirectly, asking me to turn down my photos or put my social media
accounts in private setting. Something like that. So during that time, bago pa ako, I'm so excited. I feel
like tolerated. I feel like accepted. Pero, unti-unti lang lumalabas yung restrictions na parang, “Uy, pwede
ka, hired ka dito pero.” alam mo yung indirectly, they are stating to you na you are hired. Pero, hindi
pwedeng mag-post ng ganyan ha. Yung mga ganon.
So another story is, during our first few months here in our institution, we have what we call parang
initiation. Parang lahat ng teachers magpe-perform, ganyan-ganyan. So I was given a spotlight back then.
So parang every new teacher magpa-perform kayo. So what I did is a gay impersonation of Regine
Velasquez. So I did like action, parang I act out the lyrics of the song.
So, it's very gay for my definition. Kasi ginagawa siya sa mga barangay contests or sa mga comedy bars
and whatsoever. And the institution is not ready, or maybe, not really ready, but they are not exposed to
that kind of stunt or performance. So, I did that one. I was well applauded. I feel like I'm the queen of the
night. Because nagustuhan nila. But that's the same incident why people look after me.
Every time I will do something. So kapag mag-host ako, parang palaging may restriction na, just ano ha,
yung choices of words, the way you inject humor, make sure it's fulsome, make sure it's for kids, make
sure it's for a Catholic institution. Na parang, “Oy, pwede kang maging very open of who you are. It's just
that it should be like this lang.”
So parang, yeah, na-praise, nabigyan ng importance yung talent and skills. But because I'm gay, and this
is how I project myself, bibigyan ka nila ng parameters. Just to be safe for other people. I think those are
some of my stories.
Researcher: Ayan, sir. Tapos, so that was in school, sir. How about in the family? Have you ever
experienced being out?
Participant P: I don't think kasi. I never had a problem with my parents. Kaya nag-out din ako na medyo
kailangan pa bang i-broadcast. It's because never ko naman na-feel na kailangan may hindi ako ganito or
dapat ganito ka. Parang never na-question my gender identity and how I express my gender identity.
So, as much as I want to give you something, pero I don't think na--Parang everything kasi is okay. Or
maybe, nung nag-iisip ako ng magandang sagot sa'yo, or nagba-backtrack ako sa utak ko, ito yung
pumasok.
I feel like kasi pinagplanuhan ko siya ng maayos. Na gusto ko, pag graduate ko ng high school at ng
college, kailangan, alam mo yun, may award ako. Or dapat, kahit hindi ako magaling academically, dapat
may paano may--meron akong mapanalunan na competition this school year.
Because I really want So parang bata pa lang ako, binuo ko na yung image na gusto ko i-portray sa family
ko. So, kaya parang hindi naman ako dumating sa point na parang macacall out ako or whatsoever. I feel
like whatever I do, even nung bata pa ako na I'm into, yun nga, makeup. Kahit hindi kasi ako
nagmemakeup, but I'm very fascinated with makeup sa mga ate ko. Tapos nag-coach ako before ng
pageant, but I was not able to join. Hindi ako nakasali ng mga miss gay or whatsoever.
Lagi lang akong behind the scene. I never heard naman na parang bawal o umuwi ka ng maaga, bawal ka
sumama sa mga friends mo magcocompete or whatsoever. O huwag mo pakialaman mga gamit ng ate
mo, yung mga ganyan. So parang up to date, parang wala naman ako nakitang na-discriminate ako or na-
question siya.
Parang feeling ko nga, ano lang eh, normal lang akong tao. Parang never akong na-title-an or nadiktahan
na parang, “Oh, ganyan ka kasi bakla ka, or ganyan kang magsalita kasi bakla ka.” Parang everything is
normal for me sa bahay and sa family.
Researcher: Ayan sir. Sir, you've been working as a makeup artist po, no? Tama? Sir, may mga instances
ba wherein you also experienced being tolerated in such situations na, halimbawa you have these clients
or maybe in an environment wherein you're working as a makeup artist. May mga ganun ba kayong
experiences of tolerance?
Participant P: Of course. I think kasi pagka-freelance ka, tapos hinire ka, parang mas entitled yung mga
tao magbigay ng opinions. So a lot even up until now. Meron kasi tinatawag na ano, yung pag yung
makeup artist bakla, di ba ang definition na naman, makapal, tapos glamorous or whatsoever.
So may mga instances sa ganito. Actually, gusto ko nga female makeup artist eh. Kasi kapag bakla, baka
baklang makeup yung gawin sakin. Pero kasi nakita ko yung Instagram mo, hindi naman masyadong bakla
yung makeup mo. It's just that, what do you mean by that? What do you mean, bakit ina-associate yung
gender identity ko with my craft or my output? Na parang, “sige, kukuhain kita kahit bakla ka, basta
ganito lang yung makeup ko, pambabae lang, hindi masyadong makapal” yung mga ganyan.
Or sometimes, another thing is, well-loved ako, I feel like tolerated, feeling ko well-loved ako because
they praise my gender identity and my talent in makeup. Parang, “ang gagaling talaga ng mga bakla mag-
makeup. Pag bakla talaga, ang galing ng color combination.” Dapat parang inassociate siya na parang
kapag beneficial for them, you are very good and well-praised.
Pero kapag talks about morality, but these are the same people who will condemn gay people when it
comes to or when we talk about Catholicism and teachings of God. Sila yung naniniwala na walang lugar
ang mga bakla sa mundo. Sabihin lang nila na ang galing-galing mo, pero pag nag dig-deep sa
conversation habang nagagawa ng makeup, they are very homophobic. Ipapackage lang nila yan ng
magandang words and phrasing. Pero, I'm not stupid, I'm not naive. I know what you mean.
Pero, yeah, a lot. Kasi mas may freedom. At mas varied yung clients, yung nakakasalamuha ko sa makeup
industry. So parang mas marami akong instances doon na tolerated, na feeling ko accepted ka. Yung
ganyan.
Researcher: Ayan, sir. Going back in the school, sir. How about your colleagues po, or parents ng mga
estudyante ninyo? So, were there instances wherein you feel na “ay, tolerating tong taong to, or ay, hindi
ako tanggap nitong taong to?” So, may mga ganun ba kayong officemates, or mga magulang ng
estudyante?
Participant P: Ay, first, meron. So, workmates, of course, meron. We have Christian Living Education
subject. And then, I'm a teacher in grade 9. And the topic in grade 9 CLE classes is all about morality and
moral dilemma. So, this teacher, very strong talaga siya because she's a very traditional Catholic, like,
Christian Living teacher. Na parang, “ah, ang galing-galing mo talaga pag ikaw nag-icebreaker, sobrang
jolly mo.”
Tapos, pero doon ka lang niya kukuhain kapag icebreaker lang, kapag motivation lang. But she will never
ask for, like, “gusto mo ba mag-share ng gospel reading?” or “gusto mo ba ikaw mag-process ng guide
question natin about the gospel?” Even though I'm very willing because I know naman who I am. Pero
actually, I actually asked her, eh, “Do you want me? Do you want me to give the share? I can prepare for
that because in two weeks time pa naman, I have time.” Sabi niya, “I was able to get another teacher
na.”
Tapos, parang, unconsciously, bakit parang hindi na lang ako nabibigyan ng chance? Bibo nga ako sir eh,
di ba? Pag gusto ko nga, may opportunity ako palagi. So, parang lagi ko lini-lead ito sa sarili ko. Pero,
parang, hindi naman niya sinabi directly na “hindi kasi you're gay or what.” Pero, you will feel. Or siguro
may bias, it's because of me, judgment ko yun. Pero parang I never, in my 10 years stay in Assumption, I
never saw an openly gay teacher, male or female, na magbibigay ng reflection in front of big crowd na
siya yung nag-handpick. So, I experienced that.
And another thing, this is during level meeting. One year, yung level na yun, sobrang daming openly gay,
like lesbian, gay students. And these students are well supported by parents. Ito yung nag-ask talaga,
nag-letter talaga yung parents to change their nicknames. Kung paano sila tatawagin. So, from very girly
name to a more manly name, parang ganon. But even the haircut, kasi sa school namin, wala naman
issue with the haircut kasi wala naman nakalagay sa student handbook. Bawal lang may hair color. Pero
kapag nagpa-short hair yung isang student, she will talk to that student and ask, “why did you cut your
hair? That's too short. That's not a very female type of haircut.” Bakit? May panlalaki ba? At pambabae?
So, parang during that level meeting, I defended the student hand. Sabi ko, “kayo lang naman ang nag-
de-define.” Tapos parang dumating sa linya na, this is not verbatim, but this is her ito yung sagot niya.
“Oh, you don't have to defend people na same like you.” Excuse me? Pag mapapakinabangan lang ako,
doon lang ako magaling. Pero kapag against her ideologies or perspective, parang, “ah hindi,
nagmamatter yung words mo.”
So, to that person, my experience talaga is different. I was also, before ako maging team leader, naging
grade level lead ako, so aside from teaching, I'm also handling one level. I handle all the class advisers,
ganyan. The school actually recognized me. I think parang promotion siya. Yun yung wordings nila sa
akin. It's because the previous year, I was awarded as the Rookie Teacher of the Year. Sabi, “because of
that award, we'll give you an opportunity to lead a team” and whatsoever. Yung ganyan.
Pero along the way, they will call you out. Na parang tipong, “oy, parang yung reminders mo kanina, hindi
na aligned with the school's vision and mission. Sabi ko na you have to be comfortable for who you are,
express yourself freely, as long as you know na correct pa rin siya.” They don't want na ganun ka vague.
They want na parang, “oh, you should sit properly like a lady.” Parang ganun, or “you tie your hair this
way.” Na parang, ha?
If you're a girl, dapat, ano ka, soft-spoken ka and refined. You can't be very strong and manly because
that's not parang those are not the exact words. But you know, ganun siya. Ganun siya sinasabi na
parang, “oh, kapag nakita niyo magaling ako sa classroom, I'm very good. Pero kapag may nasabi na ako
na parang not the same thought na gusto niyong sabihin or not the exact same words, parang hindi na.”
And I will associate it to my sexuality palagi because other teachers, na ganun din naman yung ginagawa,
ay hindi nacacall out. It's just that pag nanggaling siya sa bibig ko na openly gay teacher, may another
interpretation.
So parang feeling ko, natotolerate ako in some ways, pero palaging, kaya tolerate lang siya. It's because
meron pa rin certain parameters silang, pag hindi pabor, hindi pabor. Baka isipin lang din na, kasi baka
yung sinasabi mo is hindi naman talaga aligned with school values. I don't think so because we have the
same ideas naman with my other colleagues na same position.So parang doon ko lang na-identify later
on na parang iba yung pagmamatsyag. Iba yung pagmamatsag sa akin kapag ako yung naghahandle ng
team and ng students. Ayun.
Researcher: Yun, sir. Okay, so with several experiences you have shared about being tolerated, sir.
Ngayon, sir, kung titignan ninyo, so para sa inyo, ano yung mga signs, signals, or cues na sa tingin nyo,
“ay, hindi ako tanggap nito, at tinutolerate lang ako nitong mga ito?”
Participant P: mafifeel mo talaga na may indifference in terms of you. For example, we are I think 12
class advisors or grade level. We call ourselves before grade level 12. Pero for example, they will give you
briefing. “Ito yung sasabihin during the orientation. Pag medyo sensitive yung topic, they will ask you
talaga to stay.” “Oh je, ito lang yung pwedeng mga sasabihin or what.”
So, like, indifferent yung pagtrato. Palaging may reminders na parang magkakalat ka. Or baka ipush mo
na naman yung idea mo na ganito mo gustong ipresent to. Stick lang with this, kasi baka ma-misinterpret
siya. Yung mga ganyan. Another thing is, selected lang yung opportunities for you. I strongly believe na
every time you speak, you don't speak lang na cognitive lang. Na kailangan magaling ka lang gumawa ng
material. It shows your personality, your being. So parang feeling ko, ganon nila tinitingnan yun. So hindi
nila nila bibigyan ng opportunity na medyo i-open up mo yung sarili mo, openly to the people. Na alam
nilang hindi masyadong aligned with their parameters or their ideology na ito talaga yung example of a
Catholic teacher. So, yun.
Ano pa ba yung mga signs? Oo, lagi kang binabantayan. Social media, classroom, even yung mga leads
mo. San ka pupunta? Anong gagawin mo? Yung mga ganon. Well-guarded. Isa pa yun. Aside from that,
palagi kang maka-affirm. Because you always do your best. But at the same time, palagi siyang sandwich
method. I'm a teacher. I know kung paano mag-sandwich method.
They’ll give you affirmation. And then they will say something about your, ano yung dapat i-correct. I'm
very objective. I know myself naman. Kapag hindi talaga maganda yung ginawa ko, give me feedback. I'm
very open to that. Pero pag yung feedback, directed lang siya. The way parang, you're too lousy a while
ago. Parang too ano, hindi masyadong professional yung action. So parang, how can you entertain?
That's my way of entertaining people. Bakit parang pag ako yung gumawa, parang ganito siya.
It's okay, na gawin siya ng other people. Pero pag ikaw yung gumawa, hindi siya okay. So I feel like,
nagagalingan, natotolerate, okay lang maging bakla, pero wag mo na itong gawin. Sila na lang gagawan
yan. Kasi medyo nagiging obvious. Yung parang ganon.
Tapos, another thing is unjustifiable restrictions na parang okay sa iba. Okay na ang male teacher, ang
straight male teachers are not allowed to be with the female students kapag mag-isa siya. Pero
sometimes, pag bakla ka and openly gay ka, sige na nga, okay lang kahit mag-isa ka lang dun. Hindi
naman sabihin kasi bakla kayo. Pero you get it na. Kasi bakla ako, okay lang ito. So parang unjustifiable.
Well, for me, pabor siya. Kasi hindi ko na kailangan maghanap ng another female teacher to be with me
para kausapin itong bata na ito. But I still find that one, discrimination, unjustifiable restriction.
Aside from that, this is recent. We had a Parents’ General Assembly. During the faculty meeting, it
happened during the faculty meeting. “Okay, we want everybody to look presentable. So everybody,
shave tayo ng beard and mustache. For female, fix your hair. Light makeup lang. Female only ha. Walang
mag-makeup na lalaki.” Kailan pa naging gender-based ang makeup? So parang okay na maging
presentable. You need to look good. Pero dahil gusto mo magsuot ng makeup, hindi pwede kasi hindi
siya nakakaprofessional. So yung mga ganon, yung mga ganon incidents.
Researcher: Kumbaga parang may hint.
Participant P: Oo, ganon. Indirectly. Pero alam naman namin.
Researcher: Ang dami ko na pick up, sir.
Participant P: So ang daldal ko, sir, oh my goodness.
Researcher: as a salient theme for tolerance. Yung okay lang, pero, I think that's one of the main, that's
one of the core experiences of tolerance, yung sandwich approach.
Okay, sir. We have been mentioning a lot about tolerance. Pero on your own perspective, how do you
differentiate discrimination sa tolerance and then sa acceptance?
Participant P: Ako for me kasi nag-overlap siya, especially the discrimination and the tolerance. Pero
parang mas madali lang siya.
For me, tolerance is ito yung not fully accepted. Parang, they will allow you to do this, they will allow you
to express who you are based on their terms. So parang you just tolerate me because beneficial siya. I
will tolerate you because it's beneficial for me. And then for me, discrimination talaga is black and white.
If you don't allow me to perform these things or to acquire these things, it's because of one sole reason.
It's because your gender identity. That's discrimination.
So, I don't see it discrimination if it's true to all. But if it's only true to a marginalized group of the society
or it's only true to a bigger group aside from you, and for me that's discrimination because it should be
true to all. Acceptance is, I strongly believe na acceptance still has boundaries. It's just that you will
never be questioned in such a way na you have to think twice of your actions or you have to have a self-
doubt. As much as I want to say that acceptance is being accepted wholeheartedly with no whys or
whatsoever, what ifs or whatsoever, I strongly believe that we are living in a society and in a world
bounded with rules and anything. So, if my action is still against humanity, I don't see it as being
discriminated. I still see myself as being accepted. It's just that it's a common law for everybody. So
kapag marginalized or discriminatory, acceptance is, yan, ikaw. Parang ito, I don't have to define myself
to be accepted. Yung parang ganong idea na every time I will do my best, they will not question you.
They can ask questions for clarification or yung ganyan.
Kasi, I experienced that one na parangg, bakit may mga baklang sobrang laki ng mga katawan? May mga
bakla na very buff. Bakit may mga baklang sobrang manly? Bakit hindi ka nalang maging ganon? Yung
ganon na parang they will question the different expressions and I don't see that one as an acceptance.
Pero sabihin nila, pero okay lang sa amin yun ha? Wala kaming issue sa mga ganon. Sometimes it's out of
curiosity, pero kapag ka medyo may pa-sidenote na dapat ganon na lang kasi mas professional yung
tignan or mas maganda yung pakinggan, yung ganyan, hindi masyadong matinis yung boses mo,
Parang tinotolerate lang. Pero pag dumating sa point na I will not hire you anymore it's because you're
gay, that's discriminatory. The mere fact that you ask the sexuality of an applicant for me is
discriminatory already because there's a purpose why you asked that. Yung parang. Hala ang dami! Ikaw
na sir, magconcise na mga ideas to.
Researcher: Sir, parang kapag tinanong ka at hindi ka hinire, discrimination yun?
Participant P: Pero kapag ikaw ay tinanong at tinanggap ka naman, conditional tolerance. For me, ganon.
Parang ano siya, case to case basis, parang kung sino lang, kung sino, parang ganon.
Researcher: Ayan sir. Let's talk about your thoughts and feelings. Ano yung mararamdaman mo at naiisip
mo kapag ikaw ay dinidiscriminate lang? Ano ang iyong mararamdaman at iniisip kapag ikaw ay
tinotolerate lang? Or ano ang iyong iniisip at iyong nararamdaman kapag ikaw ay tanggap or accepted?
Participant P: Let me answer first the tolerance. I find hope. Kapag I'm being tolerated, there's hope. Yun
talaga yung feeling. Tapos there's an intrinsic motivation to have a good connection with that person.
Parang, I want you to enter to my life so you can fully understand me. And the ultimate goal is eventually
accepted me. It's hard, kasi we have different backgrounds because we have individual differences. Pero
mas hopeful ako sa tolerated. Of course, naman, wala naman ibang option kung hindi to be hopeful sa
mga tolerated.
Ako talaga, I'm very sad kapag nadidiscriminate. Solely kapag ang reason is my gender identity. Kasi
parang hindi ka pa kinilala. I'm frustrated up to the point na, I'm angry. I'm mad. I wanna shut you down.
I don't want to have conversation with you. I don't want to be friends with you. Because for me,
discrimination comes after you don't allow yourself to be educated. Because it is a decision to
discriminate. Bago siya naging rule na bawal ang bakla dito pinag-isipan na bakit bawal ang bakla? “Ah,
kasi ang bakla ganito, ganito.”
Feeling ko, mas nag-aksaya ng panahon or feeling ko, mas may thought process bago mag-discriminate
kesa yung tolerate. Kasi yung tolerate, it could be a sudden thought lang na parang, “ah, hindi muna yan
pwede.” “Hindi ko pa yan kaya i-accept.”
Yung parang, ano pa lang siya on the process of either accepting or discriminating. Kung nasa linear siya,
nasa gitna pa lang siya, may chance pa siya magkipag-patentero right and left.
Yung discrimination, yung mga taong nang-didiscriminate, ito yung mga fully decided, close-minded
people.
And what's the feeling of being accepted? Oh my gosh, I think that's the best feeling. Because that's the
feeling I felt from my parents and my family. It's because I was accepted wholeheartedly by my family. I
was able to flourish talaga with my career, with my decisions in life. Feeling ko my well-being is very, very
good on its best peak. It's because I'm well-accepted. So, if I'm with my friends who used to be
tolerating, not accepting it, masaya ako. Pero nung they fully accepted for who I am, iba yung feeling.
The feeling of belongingness, the feeling of you want to have a longer life, yung ganon. The thought of I
want to make a difference and a change because there are people who believes in me. Yung ganon yung
thought kapag accepted ka. And then you feel empowered to empower other people. Because it's clear
to you yung feeling ng being empowered. Yung ganyan.
And one of the reasons why I'm very empowered because I experienced to be accepted. So yun yung
take ko dyan.
Researcher: Okay, sir. Ngayon, sir. Ano naman yung iniisip mo? Although may mga konti na kayong sagot
eh. Pero just to be clear, sir. Ano yung mga iniisip nyo tungkol sa mga taong, sa tingin nyo lang, Iniisip at
nararamdaman. Sa tingin nyo na mga taong tinotolerate lang kayo at hindi kayo talaga natatanggap.
Thoughts and feelings about them? Or towards them?
Participant P: I feel like yung mga taong nag totolerate sakin. I'm surrounded mostly of Catholic people. I
think 95 to 98 percent. The toleration comes from the teachings of the Bible. How people interpret it.
Na, “gusto ka talaga naming kasi mabait ka kahit bakla ka. It's just that it's not fully accepting. We cannot
fully accept you. It's because alam talaga namin na sa law ni Lord hindi talaga kayo, hindi talaga siya
morally good.”
I think most of the time the reason being is their full and their strong relationship with the Church. Not
to God because they're two different entities.
I strongly believe on that. They have very much connected with the Church and the teachings of the
Church. I'm not saying na mali yung sinasabi ng Church. It's just that it's a traditional way of thinking.
Because the Church cannot answer who made us. They will just answer human beings are made by God.
Then who we are? Are we animals? Because if God, if human beings are all created by God then they
should love the same way how they love straight people. But they can't answer that directly. It's because
of may mga moral. Because we are defined as our doings.
Na Immoral ka kasi you are attracted to same sex, yung ganyan. So, ang naisip ko lang is ito yung mga tao
talagang strong ang faith and strong sa teaching ng Catholic Church. That's why they are just tolerating
us and do not accept us because kung titignan ko habang nag-uusap tayo sir pumapasok yung mga
mukha ng mga kaibigan ko sa paligid ko.
Ang nakikita ko may mga tao talagang very accepting. Ito yung talaga yung mga rasyonal and most of
them are not really practicing Christians. These are the people who are very open with different religion
To understand every religion. Sila yung mas, siguro, kaya nasabi ko na parang ang feeling ko itong mga
tolerating ay very influenced by the Catholic teaching. Kasi yun lang yung major difference nila.
This group of people who are very accepting are people who I can say agnostic, non-believer, or ganon.
And the other one are strongly Catholics
or maybe not strongly but very influenced. They live their life based on the Catholic teachings. And I
think yun yung naiisip ko. Yung epekto ng Katolisismo sa takbo ng utak ng tao.
Researcher: I see. Ayun, Sir. Ang gandang output non. So parang it's. So parang it's more of, It's the
religious inclination versus how open yung religiosity, yung knowledge of religiosity. And then another
factor could be the personality din, how open a person is. Yung openness. Ayun, okay.
Sir, pag-usapan naman natin yung how tolerance affects you. So sa outcomes tayo. Sir, paano
nakakaapekto ang tolerance or being tolerated sa inyo in terms of your mental health or well-being, sa
tingin nyo?
Participant P: Actually, ano siya, feeling ko may good and not so good siya. Kasi kung I'm well-accepted,
dun muna sa idea of acceptance, I think walang problema with my mental health. Pero pag nafifeel ko
nga na tolerated lang ako o pag natotolerate ako, you cannot be very fully happy. There's no genuine joy
and happiness if very clear sa akin na tolerated lang ako.
So I cannot, as much as I want to celebrate that idea, may part doon na parang sadness na bakit
nalilimitahan, bakit hindi nalang i-full-blast yung pagyakap o yung open arms sa akin. Pero I want also to
give credit na if pag natotolerate, nabibigyan ng opportunity. Kasi nga open sila sa idea, hindi nga lang
100% pang accepting. Happy kasi nabigyan ng opportunity, hindi na didiscriminate, na parang, sige nga,
try natin, yung ganong idea. So there's still joy. Pero if you will ask me kung magiging stable ako with my
well-being, with my mental health, kapag na-tolerate lang ako, I don't think so.
Because siguro with my personality, I'm striving for acceptance. Talaga. Not only being tolerated, but
okay na din ako dun kesa yung mga companies na no LGBT members talaga at all. So I think I'm still, even
after 10 years or 9 years, I'm still here even though I can, if you will ask me to categorize this institution
kung accepting, discriminatory, or tolerating, this is a tolerating institution. This is a loving institution.
Pero they can only tolerate me because this is a traditional Catholic school and I accepted that. I
accepted that. It's just that I don't see myself retiring in this institution if until that time, tolerating lang
yung ganon. Pero possible kasi nga, this is a traditional Catholic school.
Okay sir. So paano naman naaapektuhan yung experiences nyo being tolerated, yung inyong identity as a
gay teacher naman? So if you're being tolerated, so paano ka naaapektuhan nito bilang isang gay
teacher? Paano siya na-aapektuhan?
Participant P: Ang feeling ko, I'm very conscious. Yung experiences ko in life teach me to be very careful
and very conscious na every time na you will represent the institution outside, or if you will speak in
front of the teachers, they have to see me as a Catholic teacher, not a gay Catholic teacher. Yung ganon
na parang I conform with their standards and norms. That's how it affected me. But of course, part of
that one is na nurture din yung heart ko. Nagiging masaya din ako na I was given opportunity. Somehow,
I feel like kapag tolerating, may opportunity to rally other people to understand you more. So, because
nabigyan ako ng opportunity, nae-empower din ako somehow to show my best version kasi baka doon
nila ma-realize na parang hindi naman palang masama na allow these kinds of people. So, again, it's not
100%. Yun talaga yung nakakaapekto doon. Na tipong conscious ka, self-aware ka, you try to improve
yourself, not because you want to please them, it's because yun yung type of person you want to be na,
yung ganon.
So, it's not all about the accepting discrimination or tolerating, it's more on ano ka na as a person. Yung
nag-transcend ka na with the identity na lang na gusto ko na ngayon hindi mo na lang ako makikitang
bakla, makikita mo na ako bilang tao. I feel like yung tolerating, dahil ganon yung klase na environment I
am with, naging ganon yung progress sa akin na parang, hindi naman palaging talo ka, may triumphs din
naman pala sa tolerating environment.
Researcher: I see. Okay. Ngayon sir, paano nakaka-affect yung experiences nyo ng tolerance or being
tolerated sa pakikisalamuha nyo naman sa ibang tao? So, kanina you've mentioned about being careful,
being cautious, or being conscious, so are there any other instances or how the way na naapektuhan
kayo?
Participant P: Meron. Minsan hindi, you can't speak your words talaga. Kailangan well thought of ang
sasabihin, ang i-act out mo, hindi ka pwede masyado think aloud, kasi baka out of the blue, “oh, hindi
dapat na ganon mindset yung meron ka ngayon kasi nandito ka sa school or whatsoever.” I think ganon
lang naman na parang as much as you want to be very genuine with your intention, sometimes you
really have to be very critical at objective para lang ma-lugar, malugar mo yung sarili mo, yung
maconform ka or to adapt with the environment.
Ganon, so, kasi kung, I don't want to be very plastic, sometimes you really have to serve the people. So,
yung mga choices, I'm strong with my principles, even to the principal and to the sisters here, if they will
question about my sexuality and whatsoever, or if they will ask about that one, I will give the same
answer to my friends and to my family. It's just that, the intonation, the manner you speak to them, it
will be different. Yung ganon lang. But the thoughts, yung puso about my passion, it will never change.
Researcher: So, punta na tayo, sir, sa coping naman, or how you respond. Sir, paano ka tumutugon or
paano mo hinahandle yung iyong sarili when you experience being tolerated? So, how do you cope?
How do you respond to situations when you felt like or you feel like you're being tolerated?
Participant P: Kasi kung, sorry, iba na kasi yung perspective ko before tsaka now. Alam ko na kapag itong
taon to, tinotolerate lang ako, may personal bias na talaga ako. I will not be very open to you, ganon, or
you will not be the best person for me. Parang, hindi na. Hindi ikaw yung lalapitan ko if I need help.
Kasi, for sure, may prejudice kayo na agad. “Ay, kasi bakla yan, ganyan, or whatsoever. “ So, most of the
time, I don't deal with people not just tolerating. Pero with my work, I have to deal with them. It's a
conscious effort to communicate, to build relationship with them. Because, ganon eh, alam mo na may
boundaries with them. So, extra effort, yun nga, I think that's the best term, conscious effort to deal with
these people. Yun, ganon. Ganon siya.
Then, I don't give the same energy to these people. Same energy na ibibigay ko, or the energy na ibibigay
ko dun sa mga tao, accepted ako for who I am. So, parang hindi siya 100% effort palagi sa'yo. I'm so sorry.
Parang tipong, “okay, ito na ibibigay ko. Kasi kapag binigay ko yung 100% of who I am, talagang magiging
obvious and tolerating, you will call me out. Because this is me. And my persona is my identity.” So, if
you're just tolerating. yung ganon. Ganon lang yung pag-ano ka sa kanila. Pero I always, always try
naman to be open. Kasi nga, I can't be discriminatory as well. Baka naman sila rin maka-feel na it's
because we are not very accepting to you, ayaw mo na agad samin. And I have tendency of that I have to
recognize that one. Kaso nga, yung mga hard core talaga na parang, ayoko ng ganyan. Masyadong bakla
yan. Tigilan mo. Hindi. Yung ganon. So, pero challenge siya for me ha, yung not to be discriminatory to
other people who doesn't accept me.
Kasi, di na, 30 years old na ako, kung ayaw ko sayo, nako, hindi ko kailangan ng malaking grupo. I mean,
hindi ko kailangan ng maraming friends na tolerating lang. I rather have few friends who are accepting.
Di ba? Yung ganon. This is the real Gerald. I think yun ako, na parang even sa work, kung hahanap ako ng
tulong or whatsoever, ganon na lang. So, kung paano yung pakikitungo, pag cope ko with other people, I
adjust myself. Accordingly.
Kung ito yung gusto mo makita, ito lang ipapakita ko sayo. So, ganon. I'm not sure if it's boundary of
being plastic or being adaptive to the environment or to that person, but I think that's a 21st century
skill. Because not all the time, you will like the people you work with. But it is a skill how to deal with
these people. So, I think ano yan, advantage ko yan, pag lumipat ako ng ibang school.
Researcher: 21st century skill, soft skill. Yes, di ba? Kung ayaw mo, edi don't.
Participant P: Kaso nga lang, alam mo yung idea na empleyado ka lang. So, you have to serve your
purpose pa din based on your job description. So, parang kahit medyo matigas ako, sige na nga, I'll do it.
Or kahit ganyan ka or whatsoever. I mean, yun lang naman. Side note. Yun lang naman.
Researcher: Okay. Kumbaga, part din ng skill as a teacher, dealing with the, alam mo yan, yung mga
taong hindi mo rin gusto. Okay, sir. Next question po. So, sir, ano yung mga gusto nyong makitang
progress, improvement, or possible programs that you want to see or you are expecting in the coming
years intended for the LGBTs and intended for the gay teachers, Filipino gay teachers?
Participant P: I was given a chance to, it's like a privileged speech during the team leader's meeting. It's
like a mid-manager's meeting. And somehow, parang ganyan yung tanong. Galing siya sa isang issue
about putting pronouns sa Zoom. Yun yung issue. Kasi ayaw nila. What I want to see, a lot, a lot of things.
But I want to be very practical. One is open communication. And it should be a dialogue. It should be a
dialogue. You should be willing to listen and to speak. And you should know when to speak and when to
listen. Because understanding will come after dialogue. That's one. Openness.
In private institutions, in Catholic institutions, the state and the church. Second, I strongly believe that
we need to pass the SOGIE bill. Because it protects every individual. People might, parang categorize na
it's for the LGBT. It's because we will benefit. It will benefit a lot of people, especially me. Because kung
may SOGIE bill before, my gender identity will not be questioned during the final interview. Kasi up until
now, they ask that question. So that's SOGIE.
Third, sana, this is a very Miss Universe answer, but I feel like and I hope na people, through scholar
engagement and conversation, they will understand the homosexuality and the LGBT community not
basedly to morality. Parang mas gusto ko, mas objective. Because not, because your truth is not true to
other people of different religion ordifferent background. Yung hope na you judge the person after
knowing him or her, not because you were able to know the gender identity of this person. Or other way
around, same context, but you don't have to know the gender identity of the person.
Parang hindi mo na alam kung paano mo siya itatrato. So parang I want to see human race, human
beings, rather than gender identities, sana. I hope the school will be open to that kind of idea. Na parang
the curriculum should change also na walang gawaing pambabae at panlalaki. In TLE, walang dapat TLE
boys and TLE girls cooking and drafting. Baka dapat walang sports for male and female. Walang, iba,
parang it should be true to all. Because I strongly believe na when we change the mindset of the people,
it changes the way we see things. So, and school has a vital role. School and church. I think two, in the
Philippine context, I think church and school can make a difference for that one.
If a well-educated person becomes a leader of a national position, that can change the way the politics
or the government will see it. So, education can penetrate talaga. But, may idea, kailangan pumasok
muna siya sa educational system or else wala. Only selected people or those who are people who are
open lang ang pwedeng maka-achieve ng ganyan.
Researcher: Very well said, sir. Okay. And then, sir, have you ever tried or was there already a movement
or an organization wherein kayo yung nag-initiate? So, may mga ganun na ba kayong ano? So, naisip niyo
bang sumali or mag-initiate ng mga proyekto or projects na may kinalaman sa mga LGBTs inside the
school?
Participant P: As of now, wala pa. I think the biggest step I made is to voice out my concern during that
mid-managers meeting. Because during that time, I feel like I was heard. People are crying while I'm
talking. Because I think wala naman nangahas magsalita before me. Maybe that's very small pero kung
nakalabit ko man lang kahit isa sa kanila sa mga bosses of this institution, I think that's a big step already.
Hirap kasi kalaban talaga ng Catholic Church. Sino ba naman lalaban sa debate kapag binasahan ka na ng
verses? Bawal nga sa debate. If I have plans, I think I have to think about that one. Is it really worth it?
It's worth it. Sorry. I don't have to question if it's worth it. The question is, is this the best place to do
that? Yung parang baka hindi naman talaga dito, baka dapat I should penetrate the Department of
Education. Or baka I should penetrate the LGUs. Because here, I don't have power. But when I go
outside, I'm a Filipino. So parang baka mas may bosses, yung gagawin kong movement. And if I will do
that, I will do that because I want to make a change. Yung ganong idea. It's not because it's beneficial for
me. Because I'm 30 years old already and I feel like it's not all about my life anymore. Baka mamatay na
nga ako anytime soon.
So parang I was able to live my life na. It's just that may new teachers, because I handle new teachers
who are part of the LGBT community. Yung naramdaman ko before na nag-start ako, nararamdaman pala
nila 10 years ago na yun. Oh my goodness. Where's the progress? Ako yun lang naman. So yun lang.
Hala, emotional ko na. Anyway, yun lang naman, sir.
Researcher: Okay, sir. With our interview, what's your realization about tolerance? Is it favorable or not?
Participant P: Oh my gosh. That's the hardest question. Feeling ko, in contrary of all the things I've
mentioned, ito lang din pala yung synthesis ko sa dulo! I still see hope in tolerance. As long as I have 1%
or a piece of hope in my heart when it comes to tolerance. I'd rather, I see that one as an opportunity to
make a better world. Not 100%, but I hope it's just a phase of that long journey. And hopefully, the final
destination would be acceptance. So, feeling ko, it's a long process. It's a messy process. Yung tolerating
is just a phase of someone else's journey. Then later on, she will graduate to being accepting. Oh my
gosh.
Researcher: Ayan, sir. Any parting words? Any empowering words for the Filipino gay teachers and for
the LGBT?
Participant P: Oh my gosh. I'm so ready for this! Anyway, I think the first one is to empower yourself. You
have to equip yourself with skills and make sure your love tank is full. Because you're living in a world
that's very cruel. So, you make sure you have strong core and emotional emotions. Because parang gusto
ko kasi kahit talikuran tayo ng mundo, you have enough energy and stamina to stand with your both feet.
Regardless kung sinong matira o umalalay sayo or what. Educate yourself. Continue educating yourself.
That's one.
Do not be stagnant. You have to make sure that's why I praise you sir, for PhD. Oh my goodness. I'm so,
so happy. Sana hindi mapagod yung mga tao mag-aral. Whether informal schooling or not. Hindi naman
necessarily academic. Pero I think cognitive and intelligence is very important. So baka doon mag-focus.
And I'll never be able to napag-isipan kung ano yung sasabihin. But I feel like this is a cruel world, but this
is a very, very dynamic world. So parang never, you will never be alone.
So, my idea is you allow other people to tolerate you, but be objective all the time. We don't settle for
being tolerated only. We strive for better so people will accept us. Not because they feel pity to us, but
because they see value in us. So, we make ourselves valuable in this society. We have to make a change
in this society. We have to take up space in this society so they can see us. And when they see us, we are
visual representation and hopefully they get inspired. And later on, we inspire other people as well.
Ayun, sir. Sana pinaghandaan ko yung final question. Hindi ko naman ready. Yun na yung naramdaman
ko, sir.
Researcher: Opo, ayun. Ayun, sir. Sir, how do you find the questions?
Participant P: Ang hirap niya. Pero kasi, it's all about me. So pagka tingin ako sa taas, I give my time to
introspect who I am, what's the answer to this question based on my life experiences. At the middle of
the conversation or the dialogue and the questioning, I was able to, I get confused of how I will define
tolerate. Yung pagtotolerate. Because, in my years of existence, mas marami naman talaga yung times
that I'm being tolerated. Pero parang ang saya ko naman pala, sir. Parang hindi naman siya palaging
negative.
Pero siguro as time progressed, I demand more. Parang ito na lang ba after 30 years of my existence or
after 50 years ba? After 20 years ba? Pag nag-50 na ako? Is this still the same feeling that we are begging
to be accepted? Kaya nga natapos na ako to beg. So parang yun tumatakbo sa utak ko, sir. I really like the
questions. It's non-threatening. I feel so safe with your questions.
Parang nafeel ko na I'm very, it's okay to be me and it's okay to answer your questions. Because I tend to
be Miss Universe kapag kapagandahan ng questions sa mga ganito. Pero parang ito, and with your
presence also, I feel so safe. And I feel like whatever will be, kung ano niyong makita, kung ano man yung
ma-identify mong common, it will be very beneficial and it will contribute a lot with kung sino man
makabasa na ippublish mo or kung ano man yan, write-up or abstract or whatsoever, I think they will get
something from it.
So please, sir, wag kang mapagod. Just for me and for our passion. Sana.
Researcher: And andami kong nakuha sa inyo, sir. Actually, commonly, mga three pages lang. Pero sa
inyo, naka-four pages ako. Sa daming magagandang ideas, I might get some relevant quotes or maybe
one of your statements here can be used as a preliminary or opening statement for a presentation.
Ang dami kong realization, sir. Like the sandwich approach and then the way I see the positive and
negative tolerance. Although the literature also suggests na may positive and negative tolerance talaga.
And I see both elements in our interview. Ang ganda ng mga inputs, sir. I really, I highly appreciated and
parang to say, sir, na this is an ending, kumbaga parang last participant for the initial interview, sir. Parang
ang gandang pasabog! But what I really get, what I really got from the interview, sir, and also, sir, one of
the things that I appreciate, it seems that you're well-prepared before the interview.
Participant P: Oo. Binabasa ko nga yung questions. Andito siya actually, kasi inuunahan kita. Ano ba yung
sunod niya ang tanong?
Researcher: Hindi, parang I think at some point may preparation pa rin na nagawa eh sa mga gantong
interview, oo. Pero, sir, thank you very much po. I really appreciated our interview. So, inabot na tayo ng
one and a half hours.
Participant P: Oo nga, I'm so sorry, sir. Kinain ko oras mo. I'm so sorry.
Researcher: Oo, kumbaga, di ba sabi ko, before the interview, mas maraming kwento, mas maraming
statements. Kumbaga, mas massubstantiate natin yung experience. And I'll be getting a lot from our
interviews or from the interview I had with you, sir.
So, ayun po. Maraming maraming salamat sir, for being one of my participants. I really appreciated the
time, the effort, no? The cognitive effort lalo of the experiences, your sharings, sobrang thank you po
talaga.
So, sir, the token will come after po. Medyo malelate lang ng konti, but there will be tokens. And then, If
you will be requesting for the results po, so, results will be given naman po sa inyo, ng study. And meron
pa akong ano, sir, baka may follow-up pa ako, just to verify the statement.
Ayun. Sir, maraming maraming salamat po. Sir, baka may mga tanong pa po kayo, or may mga ano.
Participant P: I just want to say thank you also.
Researcher: Sobrang dami kong nahugot mula sa inyo. And sobrang saya ko, I will be getting a lot of
ideas. I got a lot of ideas. And marami akong mailalagay sa write-up ko, coming from you po. Ayun. Sir,
maraming maraming salamat po ulit. So, sir, message ko na lang po kayo. And so, sir, thank you very
much again. Sobrang thankful po talaga ako. And have a great night po.
Participant P: Thank you. Good night. Salamat. Bye-bye.