2023 여름 GW - Advanced - S1

2023
Summer
GW_Advanced
Session 1
Paragraphs
A paragraph may stand by itself or be one part of a long piece of work. In academic writing,
paragraphs are often used to answer short questions, give definitions or descriptions, or give
opinions. If you can write good paragraph, you can write good essays. This unit starts with the
essentials of paragraph writing and then moves on to how to combine and expand individual
paragraphs to build essays.
Paragraph Structure
A good paragraph usually has three basic parts, as shown in the basic outline below.
1. Topic sentence
2. Supporting sentences
a. supporting detail
b. supporting detail
c. supporting detail
3. Concluding sentence
Sample.
Title: Africa’s Most Dangerous Animal.
1. Topic sentence: Africa’s most dangerous animal is the hippopotamus.
2. Supporting sentences
a. Physical characteristics – powerful animal, three meters in length, can weigh
over three tons, can outrun a human, has powerful jaws that can easily bite a
person in half.
b. temperament – very bad tempered, anyone who gets inn between and adult
hippopotamus and its calf or the water is likely to be attacked.
c. Statistics – Kills more than 500 people each year, more than any other large
African animal.
3. Concluding Sentence = the power, temperament, and number of victims of the

hippopotamus make it the most feared animal in Africa.
Ø Africa’s most dangerous animals is the hippopotamus. First of all, it is a very powerful
animal. It grows up three meters in length, can weigh over three tons, and can outrun a
huma. It also has extremely powerful jaws that can easily bite a person in half. Secondly,
the hippopotamus is very bad tempered. Anyone who gets in between an adult
hippopotamus and its calf or the water is likely to be attacked. Finally, the
hippopotamus is responsible for more than 500 deaths each year, which is more than
any other large African animal. In conclusion, the power, temperament, and number of
victims of the hippopotamus make it the most feared animal in Africa.
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Ø Topic Sentence
What is a topic sentence? The topic sentence can be seen as the key to your paragraph. It is
the most important part of the paragraph, and it opens the door to your opinions or ideas
about the topic. It gives the reader the main idea and must clearly state what the paragraph is
about.
1. Get the attention of the reader.

2. Introduce the main point of the paragraph
3. Contain a topic and a controlling idea.
4. Plant a question.
Example: Despite their similar appearance, there are several important differences between
A and B.
Put the topic in parentheses, and underline the controlling idea.
1. In the winter, people can avoid injuries by taking certain precautions.
2. There are several disadvantages to online shopping.
3. My fear of dogs began when I was a child.
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What makes a good topic sentence?
1. It is a complete idea.
Veganism benefits the environment in three ways.
2. It states a point that needs to be explained or proven.

YX’s revolutionary new computer is the best on the market.
YX developed a new computer. (Poor example)
3. It has one direction.

The college entrance exam should be reformed in three specific ways.
The college entrance system has benefits and disadvantages. (Poor example: two controlling
ideas)
4. It has an appropriate focus.

Social media appears to be causing serious mental health issues for many young people.
Social media is damaging for your people because it promotes online over offline relationships,
contributes to an unhealthy body image, and leads to cyberbullying.
(Poor example: )
Since the beginning of time, communication has been essential.

(Poor example: )
Activity : Look at the following topic sentences. For each one, state whether it is a
good topic sentence or a poor one and explain why.
1. It happened years ago when we lived in Stanford Road.

Poor topic sentence. No topic
2. Ostriches are birds.
3. There are three steps to take.
4. The government should provide a basic income subsidy for all university students.
5. English is both an easy and difficult language.
6. Steve Jobs’s success came from the good decisions he made early in his career.
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• ADDING TOPIC SENTENCES
For each of the following, you must add a topic sentence to start.
1. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
For example, learning a second language can increase intelligence. Indeed, Ellen Biaylstok, a
psychologist at York University, found that people who learn a foreign language often score
higher results on standardized tests(326). Another compelling reason for multilingualism is that
it can increase a child’s self-confidence, better equipping them to make friends and succeed later
in life. If that isn’t enough, it has also been shown that people who speak more than one language
are more open-minded and culturally sensitive.
2. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
My parents died when I was still a baby, and so my grandfather raised me. He took me in, cared
for me and helped me become the person I am today. Whenever I have had to make challenging
decisions, my grandfather has been there to guide, encourage and help me. Moreover, he has
inspired me to be a better version of myself and to think of others before myself.
3. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
In the last few decades, non-violent protest has become a known practice of many political
protestors from anti-Vietnam War protestors such as John Lennon, to many civil rights activists
such as Martin Luther King Jr. However, Mahatma Gandhi was arguably one of the most famous
advocates of non-violence as a form of political resistance and he set a model for many to follow.
Certainly it could be argued that the many peaceful protestors since have been inspired by
Gandhi’s example.
4. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Indeed, being able to order food online, being able to binge-watch television series from your
sofa, and not having to see a person face-to-face interact with them, are some of the many
examples of how technology has made it all too easy for us to be inactive. Arguably, these may all
be positive, convenient advances, but they have reduced our need to exert physical energy in our
daily lives, which is making us lazier and may well have damaging physical and social effects.
-4-
Ø Supporting sentences
In academic writing, it is necessary for the writer to provide support for their ideas. This might
well require research and investigation on the part of the write in order to gather sufficient
support. The supporting information in a paragraph is given in the supporting sentences, the
sentences that follow the topic sentence. They should always relate to the topic and back up the
main idea.
After you have made your main point in your topic sentence, you need to expand on it and
explain more about it.
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Sample Paragraph
Audrey Hepburn was an incredible woman who gave of herself tirelessly to

humanitarian work. She may be remembered predominantly for her elegance, grace and
acting abilities, however – unknown to many people – Hepburn spent years giving
selflessly of her time and money. Working with UNICEF as their Goodwill Ambassador,
Hepburn traveled around the world helping children in poverty. Indeed, from 1988 until her
death in 1993, Hepburn undertook over fifty trips to parts of Africa, Asia and South America,
delivering much-needed food and medicine to vulnerable children, and she did so with very
little publicity or fame; she truly believed in the cause and wanted to contribute where she
could. Therefore, it is clear that Hepburn’s contribution to the world goes far beyond her work
on screen.
è She may be remembered predominantly for her elegance, grace and acting abilities,
however – unknown to many people – Hepburn spent years giving selflessly of her
time and money. -> Here, the author has expanded on his/her initial point giving
more detail.
è Working with UNICEF as their Goodwill Ambassador, Hepburn traveled around the
world helping children in poverty. Indeed, from 1988 until her death in 1993,
Hepburn undertook over fifty trips to parts of Africa, Asia and South America,
delivering much-needed food and medicine to vulnerable children, and she did so
with very little publicity or fame; she truly believed in the cause and wanted to
contribute where she could. -> There are facts here which substantiate the main
point.
Ø Explain/ Expand
Things to remember about the Explain/ Expand section of your paragraph:

• After making your main point, you need to give specific details.
• This may just be a single sentence; it may be a few sentences
• It may be closely connected with, or integrated into, the evidence section of the
paragraph.
Ø Evidence
Things to remember about the Evidence section of your paragraph:

• You need to provide detailed evidence to back up your main point.
• This evidence may be in the form of ideas, examples, facts, statistics, or quotations.
• These supporting details will make up the bulk of your paragraph and they give
substance to your essay or article.
o When it comes to EE part of your paragraph, the explanation and evidence may be
integrated.
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Sample Paragraph 2
Fast food, particularly McDonald’s, is an easy target for people who claim to care about
health. However, there are good reasons to believe that McDonald’s is not just a dietary evil.
First of all, there is the assumption that McDonald’s meals are fattening due to the high calorie
content. In fact, according to a study by Queen’s College in London, “A Big Mac contains just
510 calories, which is some way short of the recommended daily intake of 2,550 calories for
men and 1,940 for women. Even the most calorific item on the menu, the Double Quarter
Pounder with Cheese, only contains 740 calories”(17). The second common criticism leveled at
McDonald’s is the level of trans-fats. In reality, all meat contains trans-fats, so the same
criticism must be also be aimed at every restaurant with meat on their menu. McDonald’s
burgers contain about 1.5g per serving, which is just 8% of the daily limit recommended by the
WHO(23). Finally, the salt, or more specifically, sodium content of McDonald’s meals is often
attacked as a major health problem. The data shows this criticism is unjustified. The
recommended daily intake of sodium for an adult is 1,500 mg, and no more than 2,300 mg. A
Big Mac, McDonald’s most famous and popular burger, contains just 1,040 mg of sodium(12),
which is well within the healthy limit. In summary, as with any other food, McDonald’s can be
part of a healthy diet as long as it is eaten in moderation.
Sample Paragraph 3
School uniforms can have an extremely positive effect on the social dynamics in a
school. One of the main reasons for this is the fact that they can make students less competitive
as they reduce the need for students to compete with each other through their choice of
clothing. Moreover, uniforms can create equality amongst students. Indeed, one study in
Florida found that school uniforms “eliminated status barriers, which made it easier for peers
to work collaboratively” (84). Similarly, school uniforms help create a school identity as they
make students feel a sense of pride towards their school. Thus it is clear that it would be
sensible for schools to review their school uniform policies.
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• Brainstorm Supporting Ideas
Topic Sentence : Schools should offer more classes that kids want to take, and they would
actually use in the real world.
Supporting Idea 1: They should learn how to estimate their taxes and take care of other
financial needs.
Supporting Idea 2:
Supporting Idea 3:
Ts: Fast food restaurants are responsible for making people overweight and unhealthy.
Supporting Idea 1: The inexpensive options are usually the most unhealthy.
Supporting Idea 2:
Supporting Idea 3:
Topic: ________________________________________
Topic Sentence: _______________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Supporting Sentences : ________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Ø The Concluding Sentence /Link
The concluding sentence is the final sentence in a paragraph. It finishes the paragraph in a
satisfying way, and it helps the reader to cement their understanding of the ideas.
1. Signal the end of the paragraph

Start your concluding sentence with a transition expressing summation or effect to
show readers they have reached the end of the paragraph. (Therefore/ Thus it can be
seen that…/ As a result )
2. Reinforce the main point of the paragraph

A concluding sentence needs to make reference to the topic of the paragraph and
emphasize the point the author is trying to make.
3. Use new words

You should not simply cut and paste your topic sentence. Even when writers decide to
restate the topic sentence, they need to paraphrase.
4. Stay on topic
A concluding sentence should not introduce new information to the paragraph, and
writes should not leave personal notes to readers such as “Thank you for reading.”
Sample Paragraph
Audrey Hepburn was an incredible woman who gave of herself tirelessly to humanitarian
work. She may be remembered predominantly for her elegance, grace and acting
abilities, however – unknown to many people – Hepburn spent years giving selflessly of
her time and money. Working with UNICEF as their Goodwill Ambassador, Hepburn traveled
around the world helping children in poverty. Indeed, from 1988 until her death in 1993,
Hepburn undertook over fifty trips to parts of Africa, Asia and South America, delivering much-
needed food and medicine to vulnerable children, and she did so with very little publicity or
fame; she truly believed in the cause and wanted to contribute where she could. Therefore, it is
clear that Hepburn’s contribution to the world goes far beyond her work on screen.
è The final sentence concludes the paragraph and links it back to the overall topic.
Sample
School uniforms can have an extremely positive effect on the social dynamics in a school. One
of the main reasons for this is the fact that they can make students less competitive as they
reduce the need for students to compete with each other through their choice of clothing.
Moreover, uniforms can create equality amongst students. Indeed, one study in Florida found
-9-
that school uniforms “eliminated status barriers, which made it easier for peers to work
collaboratively” (84). Similarly, school uniforms help create a school identity as they make
students feel a sense of pride towards their school. Thus, it is clear that it would be sensible for
schools to review their school uniform policies.
How do I make a good concluding sentence?
1. Signal the end of the paragraph. Begin your sentence with either a summation or an effect
transition to indicate the end of the paragraph.
Summation : In conclusion To sum up In summary

To summarize In brief In short
Effect: Therefore Thus As a result Consequently

The evidence shows that It is clear that
2. Conclude the paragraph in one of four ways. The way that the paragraph ends depends on
the type of paragraph. For example, a persuasive paragraph might end with a suggestion, but a
paragraph about a historical figure will rarely end with a prediction about the future.
a. Restate the topic sentence. (Paraphrase)
Topic sentence: People love cats for their many endearing qualities.
Concluding sentence:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
b. Restate topic sentence and three major details.
In conclusion, people feel great affection for cats because of their devotion, cleverness,
and friendliness.
c. Make a related suggestion.
In summary, if people want an animal with an interesting personality, they should get a
cat.
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d. Make a related prediction
As a result, people will fall in love with cats’ appealing characteristics if they own one.
DO NOT put any new information in your concluding sentence.

DO NOT leave a personal message to the reader.
o Read the following topic sentences from paragraphs elsewhere in the chapter, and
rewrite them as concluding sentences.
1. Seoul, the capital of South Korea, has a number of historical sites.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. There are good reasons to believe that McDonald’s is not just a dietary evil.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. The lack of affordable housing in California is just one of the contributing factors to the
increase in homelessness in the state.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
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• ADDING CONCLUDING SENTENCES
For each of the following, you must add a concluding sentence to end.
1. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
For example, learning a second language can increase intelligence. Indeed, Ellen Biaylstok, a
psychologist at York University, found that people who learn a foreign language often score
higher results on standardized tests(326). Another compelling reason for multilingualism is that
it can increase a child’s self-confidence, better equipping them to make friends and succeed later
in life. If that isn’t enough, it has also been shown that people who speak more than one language
are more open-minded and culturally sensitive.
________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
My parents died when I was still a baby, and so my grandfather raised me. He took me in, cared
for me and helped me become the person I am today. Whenever I have had to make challenging
decisions, my grandfather has been there to guide, encourage and help me. Moreover, he has
inspired me to be a better version of myself and to think of others before myself.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
In the last few decades, non-violent protest has become a known practice of many political
protestors from anti-Vietnam War protestors such as John Lennon, to many civil rights activists
such as Martin Luther King Jr. However, Mahatma Gandhi was arguably one of the most famous
advocates of non-violence as a form of political resistance and he set a model for many to follow.
Certainly it could be argued that the many peaceful protestors since have been inspired by
Gandhi’s example. ________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
- 12 -
4. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Indeed, being able to order food online, being able to binge-watch television series from your
sofa, and not having to see a person face-to-face interact with them, are some of the many
examples of how technology has made it all too easy for us to be inactive. Arguably, these may all
be positive, convenient advances, but they have reduced our need to exert physical energy in our
daily lives, which is making us lazier and may well have damaging physical and social effects.
_____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
5. There are a number of things to consider when choosing a pet. Most importantly, people
must carefully consider whether or not they are really ready to take on the responsibility of
caring for an animal. Can they provide a pet with everything it will need in order to live a happy
life in their care? Once someone is sure they can handle a pet, they must think about what they
want from their pet. Fish look beatufiul and are not too demanding in terms of time and space,
but some consider them boring. Dogs and cats can be playful, affectionate, and can become
great companions. Hamsters are popular and cute, but they are nocturnal. Some people wan a
more unusual pet, such as a lizard or an axolotl which need specialist equipment and
knowledge. Finally, anyone thinking of getting a pet must consider what they are able to offer
their animal. For someone with ample time and space, a dog might be a great option since they
need exercise and attention. For someone who has never kept a pet before, it might be a good
idea to start with a rabbit, which does not require training and does not live as long. It is
irresponsible to get a pet which people cannot care for adequately.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Ø Paragraph Outlines
Topic: The benefits of yoga
Topic sentence: Practicing yoga regularly can be good for your mind, your body and your
emotions.
Supporting point 1: Mental benefits

Detail : Develops clear thinking, improves concentration.
Supporting point 2: Physical benefits

Detail: Improves blood circulation, improves digestion, make you strong and flexible.
Supporting point 3: Emotional benefits

Detail: Reduces fear, anger, and worry, helps you to feel calm, develops self-confidence.
Concluding sentence: Therefore, to build mental, physical, and emotional health, consider
practicing yoga.
è Write!
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_________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Topic 1: Should students have to wear a school uniform?
Topic 2: Healthcare should/ shouldn’t be free.
Topic 3: The world is becoming a safer place.
Topic 4: Should children be forced to learn a second language?
Topic 5: Exams and tests are/ aren’t the best way to assess students.
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A 5-Paragraph Essay
Introduction: You need to grab the reader’s attention and introduce your main ideas. You will also
present your thesis statement with three distinct points.
Body Paragraphs: You need to present your ideas and expand on them with evidence and analysis.
Conclusion: You need to remind the reader of your main ideas and provide a summary of what
you’ve discussed in the rest of your essay. It should connect back to your introduction.
Ø The Introductory Paragraph

1. Introduce the topic.
2. Show the structure of the essay, often with the major sections of the essay or its structural
principle clearly stated
3. State the thesis of the essay, preferably in a single statement with a clear main clause.
Hooks + Background information + Thesis statement = Introduction
**Thesis statement is a road map for the essay; it tells the reader what to expect from the rest of
the essay.
The thesis statement contains a topic (T) and controlling ideas (C). A thesis statement lay
list subtopics, which are smaller topics that relate to the main topic that will be expanded upon in
the body paragraphs.
Students use of cell phones in schools should be prohibited.
Societies should not rely solely on electronic systems for voting because elections are too
important trust to computers.
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<Direct and Indirect Thesis Statements>
A direct thesis statement contains subtopics and therefore gives a specific outline of the
essay.
Indirect thesis : There are considerable benefits of learning English for Korean students.
Direct thesis : For Korean people, learning English is important for three reasons: to gain
entrance to good universities, improve job prospects, and open social opportunities.
Activity 1
Today, smoking is an issue that is on everybody’s mind. The whole country is divided on
this issue. Some people believe that smoking should be banned everywhere while others are
not so harsh. While it is true that smokers have rights too, tobacco should be outlawed because
smoking endangers everyone’s health, pollutes the environment, and drains people of valuable
energy.
Direct or indirect?
Switch!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
*Punctuation Tip*
Colons :
Colons are used to introduce a list of items. They can be particularly helpful when writing
thesis statements because they allow the write to introduce the subtopics. Colons must be
preceded by an independent clause.
Example- Living in a city has certain advantages over living in town : more employment
opportunities, better medical facilities, and higher educational standards.
Intro -> General Statements : Hook + background information
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Thesis Statements
Developing a good thesis statement is the most important part of an essay. It presents
your opinion or argument and lets the reader know what to expect from the paper.
Where do you start?
You have either been assigned a topic or have a topic of your own. A topic, however, is
just the first part of coming up with a thesis statement. Let’s say your topic is texting and
driving. The next step is coming up with a question about texting and driving around which
you will form you opinion. You may want to brainstorm several questions until you have one
you like.
Questions:
Who is texting and driving?

Is it really dangerous?
What kind of laws exist about texting and driving?
Why do people text and drive?
Let’s say you choose the second question and do some research. You find out that texting while
driving is just as dangerous as driving while intoxicated. Here is what the process of finding
your thesis statement might look like:
My opinion: It should be treated the same as drinking and driving.
Working Thesis: Texting and driving is a dangerous combination and should have the
same consequences as drinking and driving.
Topic:
Question:
Answer:
My opinion:
Working Thesis:
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What makes a good thesis statement ?
1. It has a clearly defined argument.
a. A controversial issue is whether elderly people should have driver’s licenses.

b. Some people think that elderly people should take a driver’s test in order to keep their driver’s
license
c. In this paper, I will provide research and discuss my opinion about elderly people and driver’s
licenses and all the controversy surrounding the issue.
d. People over the age of 65 should be required to take a drivers’ test every year to determine
whether they are fit to gold a driver’s license.
2. It contains one main idea.
a. Alcohol can impair people’s decision-making skills, sometimes leading to disastrous

consequences, and it is also bad for your liver and other organs, so the drinking age should not be
lowered.
b. Sime alcohol impairs decision-making skills, young people, whose brains are not yet fully
formed, should not have access to it before they are 21 years old.
3. It uses specific terms.
a. The workplace should embrace diversity and value what people can learn from differences to
become successful.
b. Diversity is good for our country.
c. Employers with a broad customer base should set quotas to employ people from a variety of
ethnic backgrounds in order to better meet their customers’ needs and become successful.
4. It is interesting and engaging (avoids the “so-what” problem)
a. Birth order can affect personality.
b. First-born children display better leadership skills and have greater financial success than their
siblings.
c. There are many similarities and differences between siblings.
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5. It can be supported by research.
a. Media images are the reason teens develop eating disorders.
b. Any young person who has body issues will develop an eating disorder.
c. Although researchers believe that the cause of eating disorder is complicated, media images of
ultra-thin, perfect-looking people are one of the contributing factors.
TIPS:
- Make sure your thesis fits the scope of your paper. If you have two or
three pages, you’ll want a narrow topic that you can cover adequately.
- Do not start your thesis statement with “I believe…” or “In my

opinion….”
- Do not “announce” your topic, for example, “In this paper I will be
discussing…”
- Make sure your thesis is not just a statement of fact, for example, “An
eating disorder is a serious illness.”
Practice Writing Thesis Statements
On a separate sheet of paper, explain why each of the following is a weak thesis statement and
then rewrite each one to make it stronger.
1. I am going to compare the influence of peers to that of parents on teenagers.
2. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White have many similarities and a few differences.
3. some people choose not to have television in their homes.
4. The effect of not keeping a budget.
5. This paper will explain how to be a good roommate.
6. Procrastination is harmful.
7. Exercise is good for you.
8. Should college athletes be paid?
9. Why wealthy people should/ should not pay more taxes than everyone.
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1. Topic: School lunch options
Essay Prompt: Should school cafeterias remove all “unhealthy” foods and replace them
with only “healthier” options?
Proposed Thesis: Because of growing concerns about obesity and health problems in
teens, school lunchrooms should replace fatty and sugary foods with healthier options
such as fruits and vegetables.
- For what type of essay is the statement written?
- Highlight or circle the world that indicate the topic.
- Underline the key words that indicate an opinion or position.
2. Topic: figurative language in Romeo and Juliet
Ths : In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare effectively used figurative language such as similes
and metaphors to highlight character’s emotions, show the intensity of Romeo and Juliet’s
love, and to enhance the imagery used throughout the play.
3. Ths: Obesity in children is caused by a variety of factors: the massive intake of fatty and
sugary foods, lack of exercise, and genetic predisposition.
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Types of Thesis Statements
There are many different types of essays, each with specific requirements and rules. The
following exercise will help you learn how to write thesis statements for different types of
essays.
1. Argumentative/ Persuasive : You are trying to win the reader over to your side. Your
thesis statement must state which side you are on in the argument being presented.
Ths: Smoking is a highly dangerous habit that should be made illegal.
è Does the thesis reflect an opinion or position?
è Does the thesis mention the topic of the essay?
2. Cause & Effect : You are either explaining the cause or the effects of something, and in rare
cases, both. Thesis statement must state 1) whether you are looking at the causes or the effects,
and 2) your position on the causes or the effects.
Ths: Lack of gun control is the direct cause of thousands of unnecessary deaths in the United
States.
3. Compare & Contrast: You must state whether you are comparing OR contrasting OR both.
Ths: Even though cats and dogs have different traits, they both can make excellent companions.
4. Descriptive: Your thesis should introduce your reader to the details they will read about in
your paper.
ThS : The intoxicating sights, sounds, and smells of the beach make this sandy destination my
favorite vacation spot in the world.
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5. Informative: Be sure to tell your audience what you are going to explain to them.
ThS: Homemade ice cream is a delicious and refreshing treat that can be made in just a few
simple steps.
6. Responses to Literature: You must show a connection between a text and the topic of the
essay. It must specifically state what you fell is most important about the topic in the specific
text.
ThS: The era of the Great Depression and the sparse California landscape each contribute to the
loneliness felt by the characters in Steinbecks’ Of Mice and Men.
Writing “Better” Thesis Statements
Teens should not be allowed to get a tattoo without parents permission because:
1) they may regret it later if they decide to get a tattoo of something super trendy now
2) they can get an infection or have future health problems
3) they are impulsive and may just be doing it because of peer pressure
NOTE: These 3 reasons are your thesis support., and will eventually become topic
sentence.
è BETTER VERSION
Teens should not be allowed to get tattoos before the age of 18 without
parent permission since this drastic “expression of individuality”, usually
forced upon by peer pressure, is a trend that will leave teens with a
permanent marker they may regret later – especially when their body art
results in infection or other unforeseen health problems.
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1. Cause / Effect Thesis: Smoking is harmful and should be made illegal.
3 reasons: it is addictive, it can cause cancer, it can kill.
2. The characteristics of a good video game.
ThS: A good video game is hard to find.
3 Reasons:
Better Thesis:
4. Mandatory military service
ThS : Teens should have to serve two years of mandatory military service right out of high
school.
3 reasons:
Better Thesis:
5. digital textbooks vs versus paper textbooks
3 reasons:
Thesis:
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Hook
1.
The city of Seoul has seen massive population changes over the last century and
now accounts for almost half of the population of South Korea. It is estimated that the
Seoul National Capital Area has around 25 million inhabitants and is second only behind
Tokyo in terms of world metropolitan figures. While this population boom has been a key
reason for the economic development of Seoul, and indeed South Korea, it has also had
negative effects. There are three main negative consequences of the population explosion
in Seoul.
2.
The buildings and houses lay scatted in and in ruins. The night air is filled with the
cries of people and the sirens of the emergency vehicles trying to navigate through the
broken streets. People wander in a daze picking up personal items from the debris that
used to be their houses. The chaos and destruction is overwhelming and tells a story of the
awesome power of nature. An earthquake has struck. Earthquakes are one of the most
devastating forces known to humanity because of a number of terrifying effects: shaking
and ground rupture, tsunamis, and soil liquefaction.
3. Question : Asking a question in the introductory paragraph can help create an

attachment between the reader and the write. To strengthen the effect of the question, it
is better to avoid yes/no question or directly ask the reader a question. Writes are meant to
answer questions for readers. Therefore, writers should only use thought provoking
questions that help to transition from one section or point to another. In addition,
questions should be used sparingly.
Today, in the United Stated of America, heart disease is the number one cause of
death and a major cause of disability. It is estimated that about every 30 seconds, an
American will have some kind of coronary event. A healthy lifestyle and diet are seen as the
best weapons against heart disease and yet, for many Americans, confusion still exists
regarding what they should or should not consume. Most people already know that
reducing saturated and trans fatty acids is an important first step; however, what other
dietary choices should people make? Surprisingly, recent research has shown that the
following three beverages have an effect on reducing the risk of heart disease: coffee, red
wine, and beer.
4. __________________is used when the writer wishes to explain a difficult or unknown

term that will be used throughout the essay.
For many visitors in China, the sight of Chinese people sitting around a table
thoughtfully placing small tiles on a board is as much a part of the Chinese experience as
visiting the Great Wall. The animated discussions and sounds of slapping tiles are signs that
an intense game of Mahjong is taking place. Mahjong is a traditional Chinese board game
commonly played by four people. It is played with 136 tiles based on Chinese characters
- 24 -
and symbols, and the object is to build sets by drawing and discarding tiles. Once positions
at the table have been finalized, there are three important steps involved in playing
Mahjong: dealing the tiles, drawing the tiles, and building and breaking the wall.
5. ______________________ is a short story or personal account of a person, place,

incident, or event that can be used to illustrate the ideas you want to make in your essay.
Every day as a young boy, Edison “Edson” Arantes do Nascimento would walk down
to the local school with his friends and kick and old leather ball around the concrete
playground. When alone and without a ball, a sock stuffed with old newspapers tied at the
top would suffice. Playing barefoot while kicking an old sock around the streets of Sao
Paulo, Brazil never seemed to trouble the young man. He dreamed of a greater future.
Early life was not easy for the hopeful young soccer star, and yet through the desperation
and the difficulties, Edison Arantes do Nascimento rose to the top to become the greatest
soccer player of all: Pele.
6. Funnel : This type of hook is like a funnel because it is wide at the top and narrow at the
bottom. It starts with general opening statements about the topic and gradually becomes
narrower and more focused. The funnel finishes with a specific statement that can lead the
reader into the thesis statement.
According to research by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and

Development, South Korea is now ranked third among OECD countries with respect to
divorce (Lee 15). The surging divorce rate is of great concern to family planning and
welfare organizations, and the government has now been pulled into the issue as the
problems caused by divorce begin to escalate. In order to navigate through this social
transition, an understanding of the causes of divorce should be examined. Perhaps then
some solutions can be found. There are three main reasons that can account for the high
divorce rate in modern Korean society: the change in women’s status in society, shift from
collectivism to individualism, and a change in values regarding divorce.
- 25 -
Opening Lines to Hook Your Reader
1. A persuasive essay about rights to free speech.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. An argumentative essay with the following title: Empathy Should Be Taught in Schools.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. A narrative essay about an abandoned baby left on the steps of a hospital.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. A persuasive essay, in which you argue for/against lowering the legal driving age.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
5. An informative essay about the advantages and disadvantages of home schooling.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
6. A narrative essay about the friendship in your life.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
- 26 -
Background Information
Providing some background information helps the reader understand what the topic is
about. It can come before the hook, after the hook, or both. Together the two parts make
up the general statements.
Example 1
The city of Seoul has seen massive population changes over the last century and
now accounts for almost half of the population of South Korea. It is estimated that the
Seoul National Capital Area has around 25 million inhabitants and is second only behind
Tokyo in terms of world metropolitan figures. While this population boom has been a key
reason for the economic development of Seoul, and indeed South Korea, it has also had
negative effects. There are three main negative consequences of the population explosion
in Seoul.
Example 2
Today, in the United Stated of America, heart disease is the number one cause of
death and a major cause of disability. It is estimated that about every 30 seconds, an
American will have some kind of coronary event. A healthy lifestyle and diet are seen as the
best weapons against heart disease and yet, for many Americans, confusion still exists
regarding what they should or should not consume. Most people already know that
reducing saturated and trans fatty acids is an important first step; however, what other
dietary choices should people make? Surprisingly, recent research has shown that the
following three beverages have an effect on reducing the risk of heart disease: coffee, red
wine, and beer.
è Two hooks?
Study Hooks & Background Information
Sample 1:
The animals that can live the longest are the ones that hide the best. Animals must
protect themselves from predators if they are to survive and reproduce, and many accomplish
this goal through camouflage. If they hide themselves well, their predators will not see them
and thus will not eat them. Camouflage is the end result of many evolutionary factors, but it
develops primarily as a response to animals’ environments. By blending in with their
surroundings, animals greatly reduce the chance that a predator will locate and kill them. The
four primary strategies of camouflage include concealing coloration, disruptive coloration,
disguise, and mimicry.
- 27 -
Sample 2:
Many students dread them, but tests are a key part of the educational experience. To be
prepared for the various exams they must endure over the years of their education, students
should develop study skills that help them learn a range of new academic materials with
maximum comprehension. A wide variety of study skills and techniques can aid students as
they work towards their objectives in all of their classes.
- 28 -
THINGS TO AVOID (at all cost!) Eek! Stay away from these in your
introduction!
ACADEMIC THROAT CLEARING : Sometimes, before people start delivering a

speech, they make that strange coughing sound to clear their throat; ever heard
it? It serves no meaningful purpose, and can give over a bad first impression.
Sadly, some writers do this in their introductions too – they spend the first few
sentences conveying vague, generalized, meaningless statements. You must avoid
this!
è Instead, do this!
Make sure that your first few sentences (as with all of your sentences) are
packed with useful, meaningful information – that is, if they were deleted,
your essay would lack something.
REPEATING THE QUESTIONS: Don’t just re-word the question or the title of your
essay; this is a lazy and unsophisticated way to start. Remember, by the time your
reader starts reading your introduction, he/she has already read the essay
question and are just looking for you to answer it.
è Instead, do this!
Your introduction should clearly lay out your answers to the question/topic.
That is, it should be a map of where you plan to go with your analysis; it sould
not just re-word the topic.
DICTIONARY DEFINITION: Ever read an essay which starts with “Webster defines
[…insert word from the tile…] as being…”? Yes? Chances are, so has your reader. It
is a cliched way to start and is often over-used; it can be a lazy and unoriginal way
to introduce your writing to your reader.
è Instead do this!
Instead of a word analysis, try to think of a unique, thought-provoking
statement or question to start your essay. Remember, you want to hook your
reader’s attention and make them intrigued to read on.
SUMMARIZING: Particularly when writing a literature essay, you want to stay

away from just summarizing the plot in your introduction. Always remember that
your reader knows the novel intimately: they don’t need you to tell them what
happens; they want your analysis
è Instead do this!
In your introduction, don’t simply give an overview the novel you are analyzing,
or just even the topic – rather, introduce your analysis and main points to
follow; you can flesh out those points and add context in the body of your essay.
- 29 -
Practice: Look at the following thesis statements. For each one, complete an
introductory paragraph.
ThS; Living in a dormitory offers several advantages to teenagers.
ThS: Societies should not rely solely on electronic systems for voting because elections are
too important to trust to computers.
Ths: A wide variety of study skills and techniques can aid students as they work towards
their objective in all of their classes.
ThS: Adoption rates in the United States are increasing due to incentive programs, positive
campaigns and fertility issue.
The Body Paragraphs
Each body paragraph usually contains these three parts:
1. A topic sentence -> 2. Supporting details. -> 3. A concluding sentences
Supporting Details : Description/ Definition/ Examples/ Statistics/ Fact/ Quotation
For each of the following ThS, select one subtopic and provide supporting details
1. Tobacco should be outlawed because smoking endangers everyone’s health, pollutes the
environment, and drains people of valuable energy.
2. The computer game boom is a serious problem : it can lead to addiction, cause physical
health problems, and lead to anti-social behavior.
- 30 -
>>Conclusion
It helps to frame your essay. In some respects, the concluding paragraph is like a mirror
image of your introductory paragraph.
Intro = Hook + Background information + Thesis
Conclusion = Restate thesis statement + summarize main points + Conclude

memorably
1. Restating thesis statement = paraphrasing
Example:
ThS: Living in a large city has certain advantages over living in a small town : better
entertainment options, greater employment opportunities, and more efficient
transportation.
è Citizens who live in large cities have more choices with regard to entertainment and
culture. In addition, it is easier to get a job, and the transportation is more convenient.
It is better to live in a large city than a small town since people have access to more
interesting activities, job flexibility, and convenient commute.
Practice!
- Earthquakes are one of the most devastating forces known to humanity because of a
number of tarrying effects: shaking and ground rupture, tsunamis, and soil liquefaction.
- Surprisingly, recent research has shown that the following three beverages have an
effect on reducing the risk of hear attack : coffee, red wine, and beer.
- 31 -
2. Summarizing the Main Points
If you have used an indirect thesis statement, a brief summary of the main point is
recommended. This will remind the reader of the key ideas in your essay. Even if you
have restated a direct thesis, a summary of the main points can still be worthwhile. You
do not need to re-tell all the information; a few sentences are often enough.
Example:
ThS: There are three main negative consequence of the population explosion in Seoul.
B1; More traffic congestion and delays travel. B2: an increase in air, soil, and noise
pollution B3; Increase cost of living
è In conclusion, it can be seen that the massive population growth in Seoul in the last
thirty years has resulted in a number of negative factors. As the population has grown, the
number of cars on the road has increased proportionately. The burden on the public
transportation system is leading to longer delays in travel time which can then lead to rising
stress levels. In addition, the growing pollution rate is a major concern for Seoul’s
inhabitants. Finally, with a greater demanding housing prices are soaring across the city.
Practice!
Paraphrase the thesis statement and add summary points.
1. Early life was not easy for the hopeful young soccer star, and yet, through the
desperation and the difficulties, Edison Arantes do Nascismento rose to the top to become
the greatest soccer player of all, Pele.
B1: living in poverty

B2: Hard work and dedication to soccer
B3: Becoming the best player in the world and winning the World Cup
- 32 -
2. English is a key that unlocks many opportunities, and for this reason, learning English is
an important goal for most students.
B1: Many prestigious universities use English as the language of instruction and teaching.
B2: Many companies now require employees to have a strong English ability.
B3: English allows students to travel with confidence and communicate with people in other
countries.
3. Conclude Memorably = reverse- hook
A. Make a prediction:
Tuition fees at universities have been rising while at the same time, financial aid for
students has been declining. If this trend continues, fewer families will be able to send their
children to university.
B. Recommend an action to be followed (call to action) ; Make a final statement that

advices an action to be taken can leave the reader with a strong impression with the
reader. This is commonly used in persuasive writing.
The cost of attending university has been increasing. Students are finding the financial
strain to be too much with many dropping out of school. It is clear that the system of
higher education is in trouble. To reverse this trend, students must demand that the
government increase its financial support for universities and improve financial aid
programs.
C. End with a warning : What are the consequence of not taking action?
With costs rising and financial aid declining, university students are now facing a crisis with
many dropping out or going to other countries to study. If Korea is to prosper in the future,
the brightest young minds cannot be lost. Without a change to the current system, ...
D. Use a final quotation

With costs rising and financial aid declining, university students are now facing
a crisis. If the country is to proper in the future, the brightest young minds should not be
lost. As Kim argued in his book, The Future Starts Now, “A nation’s economic wealth will
increase through an educated public” (Kim 121). It is therefore imperative that students be
given a “fair-go” so that they may build a better future for the country.
- 33 -
Practice! Add a memorable conclusion.
Citizens of large cities have more choices with regard to entertainment and culture. In
addition, it is easier to get a job, and the transportation is also more convenient. It is clear
that living in a large city is better. _______________________________
In conclusion, the massive population growth in Seoul in the last thirty years has resulted in
a number of negative factors. As the population has grown, the number of cars on the road
has increased proportionately. The burden on the public transportation system is leading to
longer days in travel time, which can lead to rising stress levels. In addition, increasing
pollution is choking the city and is a major concern for Seoul’s inhabitants. Finally, with a
greater demand in housing prices are soaring across the city.
______________________________________________
- 34 -
Practice! Read three body paragraphs, and then add an introductory and
concluding paragraph.
Intro:
First, daily homework is important because it can help students to reinforce lecture notes.
It is often difficult for students to understand everything in a lecture. Students are often
tired, and it can be difficult to understand teachers. Therefore, homework is an important
tool to reinforce classroom content. If students do not understand the content of the
lectures during class time, it is easy for them to fall behind. To ensure that students keep
up with the content of a lecture, doing homework is important.
While doing homework is important for reinforcing in-class learning, homework can also
expose students to different ideas by giving them extra information not covered in class. At
university, it is important for students to broaden their knowledge, gut this is not always
possible during class time. Due to time constraints, teachers cannot always cover
everything about a topic. Therefore, in order to provide students with new ideas on a topic,
teachers can give homework to their students.
Another strong argument for the necessity of homework is that it gives students the
opportunity to share their own ideas. During university lectures, students do not always
have the chance to voice their own opinions. In many lectures, students are simply passive
learners only taking in the information given to them form the professors. By doing
homework however, students can have a chance to apply classroom content and provide
answers to questions. In this sense, homework can give students the opportunity to put
forward their own ideas, which can enhance learning.
Conclusion:
- 35 -
Essay I Expository Essay
What Is a Cause-Effect Essay?

- A cause-effect essay tells how one event (a cause) leads to another event (an effect).
- A cause-effect essay can:
- analyze the way in which one or more effects result from a particular cause
(focus-on-effects method)
- analyze the way in which one or more causes lead to a particular effect (focus-
on-causes method)
Most Important Aspects of Cause/ Effect Writing:
- Must clearly state the connection and relationship of causes or effects

- Must be able to decide between the causes or effects that are major, or contributing
factors, and those that are minor, or supporting factors
- Must be strongly supported with logical reasoning.
You need to be sure that the causes and effects they describe are logically connected.
Topics for Focus-on-Causes Essays Topics for Focus-on-Effects Essays
The causes of the high divorce rate The effects of pollution
The causes of World War I The effects of high salaries for athletes
The causes of low voter participation in The effects of social media on business
elections
The reasons new teachers quit The impact of technology on education
Why only a small percentage of people What happens when a large percentage
read newspapers today adults cannot read well
Be sure to use bridges to help your transition from cause to cause or effect to effect. The
following are some examples of good cause/effect transition words:
accordingly as a result of caused by if…then leads therefore

to
due to because/because consequently in effect since thus
of
other wise brought about for this is so when
reason responsible
for
- 36 -
Cause/Effect Thesis: Remember that for a cause/effect paper, you are either explaining
the causes or the effects of something, and in rare cases, both. Your thesis statement must state
1) whether you are looking at the causes of the effects, and 2) your position on the causes or
the effects.
It is tempting and often comforting to believe that people can control their fate. Of
course, the decisions they make daily do affect the course of their lives, but people cannot
control every aspect of their lives. Forces beyond their control intervene in their affairs.
Although many people believe that the weather has little influence in their lives besides
determining what clothes they wear on a particular day, the weather has in fact caused
world history to radically shift in important ways that are still felt today.
1. Focus-on-Causes Thesis Statements
The increase in obesity is due to food commercials, cheap fast food, and technological
advancement.
2. Focus-on-Effect Thesis Statement
The weather has in fact caused world history to radically shift in important ways that are still felt
today.
Writing a thesis statement for cause-effect essays
1. topic: the effects of cell phone addiction
2. Topic: the effects of being an only child
3. Topic: the reasons for choosing a vegetarian diet
4. Topic: the causes of insomnia
- 37 -
TRANSITIONS AND CONNECTORS EXAMPLES
TRANSITIONS
as a consequence Industrial activity has increased. As a
as a result consequence, greenhouse gases have
consequently increased.
for this reason
therefore
thus
SUBORDINATING
CONJUNCTIONS As industrial activity increases, the amount
as of greenhouse gases increases.
because
since
COORDINATING CONJUCTIONS
so Industrial activity has increased
considerably, so greenhouse gases have
increased.
PREPOSITIONS
as a result of Owing to increased industrial activity,
because of greenhouse gases have increased.
due to
on account of
owing to
SENTECE FRAMES
a consequence of X is Y Industrial activity is a key factor in
an effect of X is Y increased greenhouse gases.
as a result of X, Y
if X…then Y
X can lead to Y
X is a key factor in Y
Practice!
1. Thus
2. Since
3. On account of
4. X can lead to Y
5. X is a key factor in Y
- 38 -
Sample : How Weather Has Changed World History
It is tempting and often comforting to believe that people can control their fate. Of
course, the decisions they make daily do affect the course of their lives, but people cannot
control every aspect of their lives. Forces beyond their control intervene in their affairs.
Although many people believe that the weather has little influence in their lives besides
determining what clothes they wear on a particular day, the weather has in fact caused
world history to radically shift in important ways that are still felt today.
Numerous examples from world history document the long-term effects of weather
in the formation of cultures and nations. In the thirteenth century, Kublai Kahn ruled over
the vast Mongol Empire, which spanned from the Pacific Ocean in the east to the Black Sea
in the west, from present-day Siberia in the north to Afghanistan in the south. To expand
his reign further, Kublai Khan led two invasions of Japan. As a result of two monsoons,
however, he ended these attacks. Delgado(2008) describes details of this event: “The
legend, often repeated in countless history books, speaks of gigantic ships, numbering into
the thousands, crewed by Mongol warriors, and of casualties on a massive scale, with more
than 100,000 lies lost in the final invasion attempt of 1281.”(p.4). Because of this
unexpected defeat Kublai Khan decided to stage a third invasion of Japan, but he died
before he could fulfill this ambition. Without these monsoons, Japan might have been
defeated by the Mongols and thus lost its identity as a unique culture, with far-reaching
consequences for Asia and indeed the world today.
Fog played an important role in the outcome of the American Revolution against
Great Britain. In the early years of war, which began in 1775, it appeared very likely that
the British would crush the armies of her colonial territory and incorporate it back into the
empire. The British troops were a well-trained and disciplined army that was feared
worldwide. In contrast, the American troops were newly trained, were sometimes poorly
organized, and lacked sufficient resources to fight effectively. Commander-in-Chief George
Washington could have easily been defeated in the Battle of Long Island on August 22,
1776, Historical records show that Sir William Howe, the British commander, was clearly
defeating Washington and was actually winning handily. Nonetheless, the weather
- 39 -
intervened when a heavy fog rolled in, so the American forces were able to retreat,
regroup, and survive to fight another day. Due to this fog, the American troops were not
defeated in their struggle for freedom. Consequently, today’s United Kingdom of England,
Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland does not include the United States.
Why Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia in the early nineteenth century, he met
with early success that appeared to guarantee that he might eventually rule the world. His
soldiers capture Moscow and destroyed the city, which encouraged him to push farther in
his military campaigns. However, because his dreams of glory were so strong, Napoleon
overlooked the simple fact that Russian winters are extremely cold. When the temperatures
fell below freezing, many of his soldiers and their horses died in the brutal weather. As
Belloc (1926) writes in his classic study of the Napoleonic Wars, “The cold was the
abominable thing: The dreadful enemy against which men could not fight and which
destroyed them” (p.217). As a consequence of the failure of Napoleon’s Russian
campaigns, his own rule ended relatively soon after. His defeat led to a reorganization of
power throughout the European nations, as well as the rise of Russia as a major world
power.
As these three examples unambiguously demonstrate, the weather has been a key
factor in numerous shifts in world history as well as in power balances among cultures and
nations. Without the rainy storms of the monsoon season, Japan might be the eastern
outpost of Mongolia; without the appearance of dense fog, the United States might still be
a territory of the United kingdom; and without winter snow, Muscovites might speak
French. Today weather forecasters can usually predict with a high degree of accuracy when
thunderstorms, hurricanes, tsunamis, and tornadoes will strike, but the course of history
cannot be fully isolated from the effects of the weather.
- 40 -
<Outline>
Introduction
A. Hook:
B. suggest that people cannot control every aspect of their environments.
C. Thesis
Body 1
A. Provide the example of Kublai Khan and his invasion of Japan.

B. Cite the study of J.Delgado
C. Discuss how…
Body 2
A. Provide the example of fog and George Washington

B. Cite the study of W. Seymour, who documents and the circumstances of the battle
C. Discuss how the United States might have remained a member of the British
Commonwelath, if not for a heavy fog.
Body 3
A. Provide the example of Napoleon’s invasion of Russia.
B. Cite the study of…
C. Discuss the consequences of Napoleon’s defeat in relation to Russia’s rise as a world

power.
Conclusion
A. Summarize the three examples from the body paragraphs
B. Suggest that although weather forecasters can predict the weather with more accuracy
than in the past, it still affects the history.
- 41 -
- 42 -
Outline Setup #1
I. Introduction
- Hook/ Grabber
- Focus
- Thesis
II. Body Cause #1

- Topic sentence 1:
- Explanation/Example:
- Explanation/ Example:
III. Body Cause #2:

- Topic sentence 2:
IV. Body Cause # 3:

- Topic sentence 3:
V. Conclusion
- Rephrase thesis:
- Challenge/ Suggestion
- 43 -
- 44 -
Outline Setup #2
I. Introduction
- Hook/ Grabber
- Focus
- Thesis
II. Body Effect #1

- Topic sentence 1:
III. Body Effect #2:

- Topic sentence 2:
IV. Body Effect # 3:

- Topic sentence 3:
V. Conclusion
- Rephrase thesis:
- Challenge/ Suggestion
- 45 -
FORMAL: News article /
INFORMAL: Email to a friend /
1. You SHOULD NOT use contractions in formal writing.
2. You MUST NOT use abbreviations in formal writing.
3. You SHOULD NOT end a sentence with a preposition.

Which book was this in? (X)
4. You MUST write in the third-person in formal essays.
5. You SHOULD NOT use any vague words or phrase.
6. You SHOULD NOT use slang in formal writing.
- 46 -
Change INFORMAL-> FORMAL
1. You’ll need $50,000 if you want to buy a cool car like that.
2. Kids don’t need to be told off every time they act up.
3. James and his buddies said that they were sorry after they got home.
4. I kept putting off the meeting, but in the end I couldn’t wait any longer.
5. Teens these days are moody and caught with themselves.
6. One could say that the character of Atticus is very likable.
7. The dramatic irony in Othello is that we know exactly what Iago is up to.
8. Really, the research wasn’t exactly convincing that global warming is a sure
thing.
9. These days, keeping up with social media seems like a 24/7 job.
10. This poem is OK, but it isn’t all that clear and it’s kind of boring.
11. I am sorry that I didn’t finish the game; I guess I was just too chicken.
12. Because I had heard the chitchat in the office, I knew I couldn’t go to the party.
13. Betty isn’t bearing up too well; she has a lot to deal with.
14. The test found that 350 people didn’t do very well on the track.
- 47 -
One journalist submitted the following article to his editor. Read through it,
and then make comments along the sides, identifying where he went wrong.
- 48 -
ESSAY 2 : LITERARY ANALYSIS
Why do we analyze things?
- We want to know what’s really happening.

- It helps us think, more deeply about the world.
- Adds more meaning, beauty, or excitement to the works we enjoy.
- It’s fun!
There are three levels to depth of analysis:
- plot
- life lesson
- social commentary/ criticism
Common literary devices that writes use to support their messages include:
symbolism irony repetition personification
allusion simile metaphor
There are seven steps to build a strong literary analysis essay.
1. Read a piece of literature.
2. Think about that text. Why, do you suppose, this writer created this story?
What’s a bold, arguable lesson to be learned from this story? The lesson needs to
be something two reasonable people could debate. This will become your THESIS.
3. Find evidence in the story to support your idea.
4. Sort evidence into logical groups. These will become your body paragraph
topics.
5. Add analysis to explain why the evidence you’re presenting is interesting and
supports your thesis idea.
6. Write your essay.
7. Proofread, polish, and publish your work.
- 49 -
Directions: Read the following student essay and complete the ratiocination guide below. Then,
answer the questions that follow .
As you read, complete the following steps. If you are unsure of what some of these items
are, make an educated guess.
• Locate and highlight the thesis statement.

• Locate and highlight the topic sentences and concluding sentences.
• Underline textual evidence (quotations/ paraphrasing).
• Draw brackets around the explanation/ analysis of textual evidence.
• Circle any higher-level vocabulary.
Many characters in Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451 prove to be interesting character
studies. These characters include Clarisse McClellan, Captain Beatty, and Guy Montag. Montag,
in particular, shows interesting evolution as a character as he goes from being a blind follower
of his society’s laws to questioning the very reason for his existence. The three dimensions of
Montag’s character, physiology, sociology, and psychology, reveal a well-rounded character
that changes throughout the story. Analyzing these elements of Montag’s character reveals a
theme that life should be questioned and the unobserved life is not worth living.
The physiology of Guy Montag shows that he fulfills the stereotypes of the “American
Dream” but is not satisfied by them. Montag is 30 years old, shown when he states, “‘Since I
was twenty, ten years ago’” (Bradbury 8). Bradbury’s decision to choose a man at 30-years-old
is purposeful because a man at that age has figured out life, started a family, and is supposedly
working the job he wants to work. However, Montag begins to question all of these things that
stereotypically represent a particular version of the “American Dream” during the 50’s. Montag
begins to realize that having accomplished this dream does not make him happy. Part of this is
revealed in the descriptions of Montag as a fireman because these descriptions show that he
does not have an independent identity. The narrator describes the firemen when he says,
“They had charcoal hair and soot-colored brows and bluish-ash-smeared cheeks” (Bradbury
33). The identity of each fireman becomes consumed by the remnants of fire and erases their
individual identities, morphing them into a single blob, identified only by their jobs. Montag
discovers that he does not like this lack of identity because of its impersonal nature. The
physiological aspects of Montag place him as a part of the “American Dream” stereotypes that
defined post-WWII America.
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The sociological background of Montag shows that he has come from a world with no close
relationships. This is implied by Montag’s memory of a time when his house lost power as a
child. He recalls, “One time, as a child, in a power failure, his mother had found and lit a lost
candle and there had been a brief hour of rediscovery [...] and they, mother and son, alone,
transformed, hoping that the power might not come on again too soon [...]” (Bradbury 7).
During this moment, Montag truly bonds with his mother, which is shown by the fact that he
remembers this day because it was so different from normal days when his mother would
ignore him. This is later emphasized when Montag cannot remember when or how he
methiswife, Mildred.
Montagthinks,“Funnyhowfunny,nottorememberwhereorwhenyoumetyourhusbandorwife”
(Bradbury 43). The fact that neither Montag nor his wife can remember this important life
event shows the distance in their relationship and even causes Montag to question the reason
for marriage at all. In this futuristic society, technology distracts people from having any sort of
close relationships for the sake of happiness and stability. However, Montag quickly learns that
not having close relationships makes life meaningless. The sociological aspects of Montag’s
character depict a dispassionate and distracted life that Montag wishes to change.
Before Montag meets Clarisse McClellan, he believes in and supports the society in which he
lives. In fact, he even enjoys his job and relishes in the power he wields by destroying books
and personal property. At the beginning of the novel, Montag recalls the smile that comes
across his face before going to bed. He reflects, “Later, going to sleep, he would feel the fiery
smile still gripped by his face muscles, in the dark. It never went away, that smile, it never went
away, as long as he remembered” (Bradbury 4). By smiling before going to bed, Montag shows
that he loves his job and that it makes him seemingly happy because it is supposed to make
him happy by society’s standards. Although Montag seems to be happy, Clarisse asks him a
simple question that forces him out of the illusion in which he has been living. Clarisse simply
asks Montag, “‘Are you happy?’” (Bradbury 4). No one has ever asked Montag that question,
and Montag thought he was happy up until that moment. This moment causes Montag to
question everything he thought he once knew, which ultimately drives his rebellion. However,
he quickly realizes that his happiness is merely an illusion and that he has not been truly living
but merely existing.
After meeting Clarisse, Montag’s perspective about his society changes from blind
acceptance to one of reckless ambition and skepticism. After Clarisse asks Montag if he is
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happy, Montag realizes that he is not. The narrator describes that “He felt his smile slide away,
melt, fold over and down on itself like a tallow skin [...] Darkness. He was not happy. He was not
happy” (Bradbury 12). Montag’s repeated behavior of smiling before bedtime changes
drastically after Clarisse asks him whether or not he is happy. This marks the moment when he
begins to question the ways of his society, and he also begins to want more from life than just
the distracted living that it offers. Because Montag has not done much thinking during his
lifetime, he has difficulty thinking through the consequences of his actions. The result of
Montag wanting to know more and his inability to think through his actions leads him to make
near-fatal mistakes. At one point in the novel, Montag decides to read a poem to his wife and
his wife’s friends. Faber sees the flaw in Montag’s action since he is a professor and has done
more thinking. Faber warns Montag, saying, “‘Montag, go through with this and I’ll cut off, I’ll
leave’” (Bradbury 98). But Montag does go through with it, which results in Montag’s own
house being burned and Montag nearly being killed by the Mechanical Hound. Montag’s rash
actions show he has much to learn even though he wants change so badly. The psychology of
Montag’s character shows that he evolves from an unthinking character to one that makes
mistakes by trying to think.
Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451 sends out a warning to society about losing individuality.
The physiological, sociological, and psychological traits of Montag reveal his identity conflict.
By studying Montag’s character, we can begin to see the importance of identity in society
because it is that very identity and individuality that allows for a person to question what may
turn out to be unethical and unfounded traditions.
Post Questions
• What is the student’s argument? Paraphrase the argument in your own words.
• How is the essay structured from beginning to end?
• How are individual paragraphs structured?
• How does the writer use textual evidence? How is that evidence formatted?
• What do you notice about the language of the essay?
• What else do you notice about the essay?
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The Literary Analysis Essay Introductory Notes
Literary Analysis = Interpretation of THEME
The purpose of the literary analysis essay is to interpret a piece of literature by assessing the
overall message (theme) of the story and how that message is supported/ communicated/
evidenced by literary elements ( character, plot, point of view, style, etc.) and literary
techniques (simile, metaphor, personification, symbolism, etc.). This makes the literary
analysis essay an opinion essay (or argumentative) because the write promotes an opinion and
supports that opinion/ interpretation by using evidence from the text – literary elements and
techniques.
So, if the literary analysis essay is an argumentative/ opinion essay, then is it the
same thing as a persuasive essay? The answer is no.
While the literary analysis essay DOES INVOLVE PERSUASION (or rhetoric), the goals of the
two types of essays are different. The purpose of the literary analysis essay (as stated
above) is to interpret a piece of literature (and persuade the reader that the writer’s
opinion/ interpretation is valid). The persuasive essay, on the other hand, is generally an
essay about a real world issue such as poverty, minimum wage, the death penalty, etc.
A literary essay involves promoting an interpretation – with the goal of

persuading the reader that your interpretation is correct.
However, the literary analysis essay is considered an academic piece of writing, so the
language should NOT SOUND like how you speak. It should use SAT-level vocabulary and
sophisticated sentences. In other words, it should sound “smart.” Think about who your
audience is—most likely someone doing academic research such as teachers, scholars,
professors, and students. So, keep that in mind when writing this essay.
Step One: Parts of the Thesis Statement
Part 1: Claim. This is the part of the thesis statement that contains your
opinion, which for the literary analysis essay, is your interpretation of the piece
of literature. This interpretation should come in the form of a theme statement
and should be universal.
Love leads to loss.

Ambition leads to corruption.
Lack of enforcing laws leads to corrupt values.
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Part 2: Evidence. This is the part of the thesis statement in which you
mention the specific piece of evidence you will discuss to PROVE your CLAIM. For
the literary analysis essay, the evidence should include 2-3 literary elements or
literary techniques. These include devices such as characterization, symbolism,
allegories, writing style, use of metaphor, diction, imagery, conflict, etc. It is
important that the evidence is listed in the ORDER OF THE ESSAY so that the
thesis statement outlines the body paragraph.
Practice! Read the following thesis statements. For each one, underline the claim and circle the
evidence.
1. Ambition without morals leads to destruction as shown through the characters of Macbeth
and Lady Macbeth in Shakespeare’s play The Tragedy of Macbeth.
2. Judging someone based upon appearances leads to false accusations as shown by comparing
and contrasting how Beowulf reacts to the monster Grendel in the epic poem Beowulf and John
Gardener’s novel Grendel.
3. In William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies, the symbol of the conch shell and the allegorical
characters of Ralph and Jack depict how democratic ideas cannot function without
enforcement of those ideas.
4. Ayn Rand’s writing typically focuses on the necessity for identity as a fulfillment of life’s
purpose, and her novella Anthem proves this concept through the symbol of Equality’s secret
diary and his internal dialogue.
Practice! Combine the following theme statements and pieces of evidence to create sample
thesis statements.
1) Claim: Living in society leads to inevitable corruption.

Evidence: The symbol of soma in Huxley’s Brave New World and the character
Bernard Marx.
è Thesis Statement:
2) Claim: Attempting to control fate only leads to disappointment.

Evidence: The mot of fate in William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet and the resolution
of the play that ends with the deaths of both title characters
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3) Claim: Keeping secret leads to destruction.
Evidence: The character Elinor Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen/ the
character Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
HW: Print out song lyrics to one of your favorite songs and try writing a thesis
statement in which you reveal your interpretation of song using both a claim and
evidence.
Step Two: Theme Statements
Topic = a single word or phrase such as “love”
Theme = a full sentence with a verb such as “love leads to loss.”
You need to focus your claim by narrowing the topic to a specific theme statement – otherwise,
your entire essay will be unfocused, and you might digress from beginning to end.
Write three possible theme statements for the topic of love.
1. Love leads to loss.
2.
3.
Write possible theme statements for the topic of greed.
Write possible theme statements for the topic of censorship.
Write possible theme statements for the topic of identity.
Write possible theme statements for the topic of individuality.
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An obvious statement that no one would disagree with is not worth exploring in a literary
analysis essay and needs to be revised because it limits discussion within the body paragraphs
and only leads to shallow analysis. For example, “everyone dies” is not an argument worth
exploring because it’s a factual statement that no one would disagree with. It should be revised
into a more argumentative theme statement.
You may have noticed that many of the example claims used have been worded in a “leads to”
format. By using this structure for the theme statement, you are taking the theme beyond the
obvious and narrowing it into a more focused, arguable claim. The “leads to” strategy prevents
you, the writer, from beginning with too shallow a claim and also gives you a cause/effect
structure that is helpful in formatting your essay.
For example, the theme statement “ambition leads to corruption” as an

interpretation of Shakespeare’s play Macbeth helps to outline the essay into two
parts: 1) how the character shows ambition, 2) how ambition becomes corrupt.
Practice! Consider the following claims. They are flawed because they are obvious statements
that will only lead to obvious analysis. Revise them to make them more “arguable” by using the
“leads to” format.
1 . Evil exists in the world.

Revised Claim: (What does the presence of evil in the world lead to?)
2. Temptation means wanting something.

Revised Claim: What does temptation lead to?
3. Don’t judge a book by its cover. (super cliché and too elementary for an academic essay)
Revised Claim: What does judging someone based upon appearances lead to?
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Step Three: ADDING EVIDENCE TO THE CLAIM
At this point in the brainstorming process, I have claim/ thesis statement for my thesis….so
now what?
The literary analysis essay requires evidence in order to prove the claim. For
literary analysis, your primary source of evidence is the piece of literature that is
being analyzed in the essay. The types of evidence you use to prove your claim
include literary elements such as character, plot, conflict, style, and point of view
as well as literary techniques such as irony, metaphor, simile, symbolism,
repetition, etc. You should aim to provide 2-3 piece of evidence in order to prove
your claim is true.
ADDING EVIDENCE TO THE CLAIM
Example: Macbeth
Claim: Ambition leads to corruption.
Possible Evidence to Select from:
1. Characterization of Macbeth- changes from noble hero to ruthless murderer due to ambition.
2. Characterization of Lady Macbeth – goes from corrupt to crazy
3. Plot – the main character goes from protecting his country to betraying his king due to his
ambition.
4. Conflict – appearances vs. reality
5. Symbolism – the bloody dagger symbolizes Macbeth’s guilty conscience and his corruption
6. Dramatic Irony – shows appearances are not what they seem
è Which pieces of evidence best communicates the claim: “Ambition leads to corruption?”
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PUTTING THE THESIS STATEMENT TOGETHER
Sample ThS 1.
Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness reveals that a departure from civilization leads
to barbaric behavior as sown through the symbol of the river, the imagery of the
Middle Station, and Marlowe’s descent into madness.
ThS 2.
Robert Frost’s poem “The road Not Taken” proves that choosing the easier path
in life leads to disappointment as shown through the imagery of the two roads,
the narrator’s plan to lie in the future as well as the narrator’s tone shift.
è Be sure to include the TITLE of the piece of literature, the AUTHOR’s FULL
NAME, the CLAIM, and of course, the EVIDENCE in the order you have
decided upon.
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INTRODCUTION
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HOOK
1) The Quotation
“Are you happy?” These are three words that change Guy Montag forever.
Siddhartha Gautama once said, “Happy is he who has overcome his ego.”
2) The Anecdote
3) Imagery
It is a dark, coyote-howling night. The wind screeches as tree branches dance in the gusts
and snow falls swiftly to the ground. Among the darkness, a single light pierces the deathly
chill- the single light of an isolated, ghost town. It is the light of a mansion that was built
over a hundred years ago, and vines from a nearby tree …
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4) Background Information
Gothic literature is commonly associated with horror and romance, but there is much
more to the genre than just dark love stories. The word “gothic” was first associated with
the architecture of the Middle Ages…
5) Flashing Images: Begin with a series of single words related to the essay for
impact
Monster-fighter. Treasure-winner. Boast-maker. The epic hero Beowulf epitomizes the
glory of the Anglo-Saxon people.
6) Contrast : Begin with a contrasting image that relates to the claim of the
thesis statement.
The Word State Motto: “Community, Identity, Stability.” However, Brave New World shows
that the World State only creates isolation , opposition, and chaos.
7) Parallel Structure
Brutus murders his leader for love of country, for love of self, and for love of power.
8) Ambiguity : Use purposeful ambiguity to get the reader asking Who? What?
When? Where? Why?
He had always been there for his son – even when his son’s outbursts made other people
nervous and afraid. He had always been the one his son could trust to protect him against
the scary world. But when he murdered the neighbor’s dog with a pitchfork, everything
changed, and Christopher Boone could no longer trust his father.
9) Startling Statement
10) Simile or Metaphor

Like a power-hungry traitor, Macbeth murders his king and sparks his own downfall and
destruction.
Try out three different attention-grabbing strategies.
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THE TRANSITION/BRIDGE
It is the filler space between the attention-grabber and the thesis statement.
Sample 1:
Siddhartha Gautama once said, “Happy is he who has overcome his ego.” In this
quotation, Gautama brings about an important interpretation of how one may achieve
happiness by implying that once a person focuses on an issue beyond his/her own personal
needs, that person will be able to experience real joy – essentially arguing that a selfless
viewpoint leads to happiness and satisfaction. Two works that show this to be true are
Macbeth by William Shakespeare and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. The character
Bernard Marx and Helmholtz Watson from Huxley’s novel show how egotistical reasoning
leads to fear and emptiness. The character Macbeth from Shakespeare’s play shows how self-
centeredness leads to hopelessness.
1. How does the student transition from Point A to Point C?
Sample 2
Poets and authors have frequently used nature imagery as a metaphor for human’s
journey through life. Whether it is an ocean that represents eternity, a sun that represents the
discovery of truth, or a flower that represents birth and rebirth, nature imagery carries a much
deeper level of meaning. In Mary Oliver’s poem “Crossing the Swamp,” she uses the crossing of
the swamp as a metaphor for overcoming an obstacle in life. The swamp causes the speaker of
the poem much strife, and the speaker even nearly loses hope altogether, which is very similar
to real life hardships. Through her poem, Oliver shows that conquering a struggle in life leads
to new opportunities and chances to grow as shown through the metaphor of the swamp, the
speaker’s negative tone, and the use of the dash to emphasize the poem’s theme.
1. How does the student transition from Point A to Point C?
Now it’s time to put the entire introduction paragraph together!
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BODY PARAGRAPH
Goal of Body Paragraph = ?
In each body paragraph of the literary analysis, the writer is trying to prove the thesis
statement. Therefore, in each body paragraph, the writer must revisit the thesis statement as
he/she discusses each piece of evidence, and he/she must explain each piece of evidence so
that it is convincing and makes sense to the audience.
Read the following paragraph of literary analysis, and then highlight, annotate & comment on
the structure: pay particular attention to the PEEL elements, and how the write has included
them.
“In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth, what effect does guilt have on the human mind?”
The image of blood is a gruesome symbol that appears throughout Macbeth and serves
as a constant reminder of the guilt that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth experience in all elements
of their lives. Indeed, at the beginning of the play, immediately following the murder of King
Duncan, Macbeth wonders if he will ever be free of his own guilt, linking it to the blood on his
hands. Indeed he wounders if the water from all the world’s oceans could ever “wash blood/
clean from hand?” (2.2.47-48) Lady Macbeth is similarly haunted by the image of blood on her
hands, echoing those famous words, “Out, damned spot!” (5.1.35), and lamenting the fact that
“all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten little hand” (5.1.51-52), and remove the smell of
blood. It is not literal blood that they are both unable to escape; it is the deeper guilt which the
blood has come to symbolize. Indeed, Macbeth realizes that he will never be spared from his
guilty-conscience; he sees that he will always have metaphorical blood on his hands. Similarly,
Lady Macbeth is driven mad by her guilty conscience, causing hallucinations of blood as a clear
symbol of his deeper theme, Shakespeare presents the dangerous, long-lasting, and
unavoidable effects of guilt on the human mind.
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Parts of the Paragraph
1. Topic sentence
2. Quotation #1 to support the topic sentence
3. Explanation of Quotation # 1 – at least two sentences
This is the part of the paragraph that explains how the evidence shows the
topic sentence and thesis statement is true.
4. Quotation #2
5. Explanation of Quotation #2 – at least two sentences
6. Concluding Sentence: This part of the paragraph summarizes the main point of
the paragraph once again. This sentence should be different from the topic
sentence, but it should repeat key words and ideas from the topic sentence and
thesis statement.
• Highlight the topic sentence

• Highlight the concluding sentence
• Underline in the paragraph where the writer connects to the claim from the thesis
statement
• Circle the evidence
• Highlight the quotations/ textual evidence in a different color
• Highlight the explanations of evidence in a different color
Sample
The Knight and Squire from Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales illustrate how heroism
leads to a positive reputation. The humble Knight, for example, is the epitome of chivalrous,
courageous behavior, which grants him a positive reputation. In the text, the narrator notes
that although the Knight wears simple clothing, “he done nobly in his sovereign’s war […] as
well in Christian as in heathen places.” The Knight valiantly fights in far-off places to spread
Christianity, the sign of a devout believer and willful fighter. Consequently, the Knight is greatly
respected by his peers as a man of “sovereign value” for his physical and mental strength. The
Squire also carries out heroic actions that cause others to approve of his position. In this case,
despite the Squire’s relatively young age, the narrator mentions that he undergoes “service
with the cavalry […] in hope to win his lady’s grace.” Facing ordeals on behalf of a lady
demonstrates the chivalry and gallantry smiled upon by medieval society. Additionally, the
word choice of “service” shows that the Squire is willing to devote himself to battle in spite of
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danger and for good reputation in society. Both the Knight and the Squire acquire good,
upstanding reputations as a result of heroism.
Step 1: Topic Sentences

The topic sentence of the body paragraph tells what the paragraph will be about. It establishes
the reading focus for the paragraph by including the specific evidence that will be discussed (as
outlined in the thesis statement) and reminding the reader once again of the claim. The topic
sentence acts as a thesis statement for the body paragraph.
Thesis Statement : Essay = Topic sentence : Body Paragraph
Example:
ThS: In the novel Frankenstein, Mary Shelly exposes man’s inhumanity and reveals the
tragic results of this cruelty as a warning to mankind. She evidences this in the novel by the
repeated rejection the monster faces at the hands of his creator and society.
- Claim: “Mans humanity leads to tragic results”

- Two pieces of evidence: “the repeated rejection of the monster by his creator and by
other people”
- The fist body paragraph will be about how the monster is rejected by its creator, and the
second body paragraph will be about how the monster is rejected by society.
***You must list your evidence in the exact same order as it will appear in the essay.***
1st Topic Sentence: Due to monster’s lack of acceptance by his creator, the monster vengefully
pursues and punishes the people closest to Victor Frankenstein, revealing the tragic
consequences that can befall acts of inhumanity.
è This topic sentence is successful in connecting back to the thesis statement because it
uses “word glue.” “Word glue” means using key words from the thesis statement again
in the topic sentence to remind your reader of the argument and the evidence.
Repeating "word glue” in topic sentences is a powerful rhetorical tool!
Thesis Statement Topic Sentence

In the novel Frankenstein, Mary Shelley Due to the monster’s lack of acceptance by
exposes man’s inhumanity and reveals the his creator, the monster vengefully pursues
tragic results of this cruelty as warning to and punishes the people closest to Victor
mankind. She evidences this in the novel by Frankenstein, revealing the tragic
the repeated rejection the monster faces at consequences that can befall acts of
the hands of his creator and society. inhumanity.
Write the topic sentence for body paragraph 2 using “word glue” from the thesis statement
provided above.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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PRACTICE!
Directions: For each of the following thesis statements, write the topic sentence for
body paragraph number one and circle the “word glue” that you used to connect to the
thesis statement.
1. Thesis Statement: Excessive pride will ultimately lead to one’s downfall because excessive
pride causes a person to ignore consequences, which is shown in Beowulf’s battles with
Grendel, Grendel’s mother, and the dragon.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Thesis Statement: In Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451, the author shows that
censorship leads to the discovery of identity because censorship sparks a person’s sense
of curiosity and questioning as shown through the symbol of fire and the characters Guy
Montag and Clarisse McClellan.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 2: Concluding Sentences
Example:
TS: Chaucer’s “The Pardoner’s Tale” presents the theme that greed leads to corruption through
the dramatic irony of the story.
CS: In summary, “The Pardoner’s Tale” warns against allowing greed to corrupt one’s morals as
emphasized by the dramatic irony of the three rioter’s deaths.
1. Underline similar words and ideas.
Example 2:
TS: In Chaucer’s “The Pardoner’s Tale,” he utilizes alliteration to emphasize corruption from
greed.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Example 3:
TS: Chaucer’s pilgrims, the Parson and the Pardoner, present different viewpoints on the
relationship between selfishness and corruption. The Parson shows how selflessness leads to
goodness, and Pardoner shows how selfishness leads to corruption through the diction used to
describe each pilgrim.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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<OUTLINE FORM>
I. Introduction Paragraph
1. Attention-grabber/ Hook:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Transition:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Thesis Statement:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
II. Body Paragraph 1
1. Topic Sentence:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Quotation #1:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Explanation (at least two sentences)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Quotation #2:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
6. Concluding Sentence:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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III. Body Paragraph 2
1. Topic Sentence:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Quotation #1:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Quotation #2:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
6. Concluding Sentence:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
IV. Conclusion Paragraph
1. Rephrase the Thesis Statement:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Rephrase/ Restate Main Points:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Final Thought/ Universal Statement / “So what?” Question:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Step 3: Blending Quotations
Quotations should be seamlessly “blended” into a sentence so that the reader is able to
remember key information about the quotation. This is called context. The reader. may not
remember who says the quotation or where the quotation comes from in the text. Dropping in
quotations without context will confuse your reader and inhibit the power of your argument.
There are three ways to “blend” quotations into writing: the run-in quotation, the embedded
quotation and the block quotation.
1. Quotations shorter than 3 lines:

Before stabbing himself, Othello reminds his listeners, “I have done the state some
service and they know it.” He speaks of himself as “one that loved not wisely but too well” and
compares himself to “the base Indian” who “threw a pearl away/Richer than all his tribe”
(5.2.337-47)
è Run-in & Embedded quotations

- Run-in Quotation : A quotation that is introduced formally and creates a natural pause
before the quotation where a comma is used to separate the quotation from the rest of
the sentence.
- Embedded Quotation: A quotation that is blended seamlessly into the sentence without
a pause. It sounds as if the quotations words are part of the writer’s own original
sentence.
2. Quotations of 3 lines or more

In the final scene, convinced that Desdemona is entirely innocent and having decided to
kill himself, Othello says to his auditors:
I pray you, in your letters,
When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,
Speak of me as I am, nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice. (5.2.339-42)
1. Introduce the quotation with a colon instead of a comma.

2. Indent two tabs for every single line of the block quotation to set it apart.
3. Don’t use quotation marks around the quotation; it is already indented.
3. Quotations within quotations : Use single quotation marks for quotations within
quotations.
4. Fragments & Run-ons
INCORRECT: Othello, “[…] not wisely but too well” (5.2.343).

è This sentence is actually a fragment because it is missing a verb. Be sure that when you
blend, you avoid fragments and run-on sentences.
CORRECT: Othello speaks of himself as “one that loved not wisely but too well” (5.2.343).
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5. Pronoun Agreement
INCORRECT:
Othello asks his auditors to “’speak of me as I am’” (5.2.341).
è The pronouns do not agree. The sentence shifts from third person “Othello” and “his” to
first person “me” and “I.” Because the writer has embedded the quotation, the pronouns
need to agree.
CORRECT: Othello bids his auditors to “’speak to [him] as [he is]’” (5.2.341).
or change the type of blending from an embedded quotation to an run-in quotation to avoid
having to change the pronouns.
Othello says, “’Speak of me as I am’” (5.2.341).
Notice that some words have been changed to make the pronouns agree. You are allowed to
change words in a quotation but be sure to put [brackets] around any words you change from
the original text.
6. Subject – Verb Agreement

INCORRECT: Othello says that he “’have done the state some service’” (5.2.338).
CORRECT:
7. Capitalization
INCORRECT: Iago says, “come, hold your peace” to Emilia (5.2.218).
CORRECT:
8. ELLIPSIS
If you delete words from the quotation, you must an ellipsis with brackets around it to show
the reader you have cut something out of the original text.
Though Iago bids his wife to “’hold [her[ peace,’” Emilia declares, “’Twill out […] I will speak as
liberal as the north [wind]’” (5.2.218-19).
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CORRETING THE ERRORS
1. Jennifer Green argues that “poetry is a powerful tool for expressing emotion.” (Green 45)
2. Owen proposes that ‘the monstrous anger of the guns” is the solders’ funeral bells (2).
3. When Juliet asks “What is in name?” (Act 2. Scene 2. Line 1), it echoes one of the central
themes of the play.
4. The Uber co-founder has been described as “a visionary, a disrupter, a genius and a jerk,”
(Fooroohar, 136).
5. According to one source, the country’s generosity “was not inevitable, but merely
astounding. (Lee 34)”
6. Plath employs anaphora throughout; “I do it so it feels like hell. / I do it so it feels real.” (46-
47)
7. When he mentions “that deadly illness” (Steve Smith 68), he is referring to the plague.
8. When the narrator says “of course, he started crying,” (page 45) we sense that this is a
common response.
9. Roger shows his true evil when, “with a sense of delirious abandonment, (he) leaned all his
weight on the lever” (180)
10. Candy clearly shows regret over his actions: I ought to have shot that dog myself (Steinbeck
180).
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BLENDING QUOTATIONS : TCS RULES
Quotation should not be “dropped” into the writing and stand by themselves. For each
quotation, you should include TCS. By including TCS, you help the reader remember the
quotation, which is necessary in order to convince the reader that your argument is valid.
T= Transition
It is important to transition smoothly into the quotation. Fluidity is the key!
C- Context
It is important to give the context for the quotation so that the reader remembers when,
where, how, and why the quotation is stated in the text.
S= Speaker
It is also equally important to reveal who says the quotation in order to clarify the
context for the reader. Remember, if a character does not say the quotation, the speaker
is simply the narrator.
Examples
1. For example, when the rioters first meet the old man, one of them yells, “What, old fool? Give
place! […] Why live so long? Isn’t it time to die?”
2. Another example occurs in the Prologue when the pilgrims have gathered at the Tabard Inn,
and the narrator describes the Monk’s “wrought-gold cunningly fashioned in pin” in the
Prologue.
3. Also, the narrator says in the description of the Knight at the Tabard Inn that because the
Knight has fought in many battles, he is “wise” and is “as modest as a maid.”
4. Moreover, the narrator describes the Miller as they wait to embark upon their journey to
Canterbury Cathedral, saying “[He] was a master-hand at stealing grain.”
5. Another example is when the Pardoner begins his story, and he says, “’It’s of three riters I
have to tell.’”
Practice with Embedding Quotations

1. Idea: One of the central lessons that Atticus tries to teach Scout is the importance of
empathy.
Quotation: You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of
view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.
Citation: Book To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee page 30 (said by Atticus)
è Throughout the novel we see Atticus trying to teach Scout about empathy; this is a
particularly evident when Atticus directly says to Scout that “you never really
understand a person until you consider things from his point of view[…] until you climb
into his skin and walk around in it” (Lee 30).
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Practice!
1. Idea: The dogs are a menacing presence on the farm, and the other animals are afraid of
them.
Quotation: At this there was a terrible baying sound outside, and nine enormous dogs wearing
brass-studded collars came bounding into the barn.
Animal Farm by George Orwell / Page 21/ Said by Narrator
è Break up the quotation and include at least three portions of it throughout your
sentence.
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2. Idea: The poet identifies the beauty of nature, and how it can be found in the smallest details.
Quotation: To see a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Poem Auguries of Innocence by William Blake Lines 1&2
è Include the quotation (or a part of it) in the middle of your sentence.
3. Idea: Juliet knows they cannot be together, coming from different families, yet she longs to
be with Romeo.
Quotation : Deny thy father and refuse thy name, / Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my live,/ And
I’ll be no longer be a Capulet.
Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare Act 2, Scene1, Lines 76-78 (Said by Juliet)
è Break up the quotation and include at least two portions of it in your sentence
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4. Idea: The speaker is clearly attracted to the idea of dying.
Quotation: I have been half in love with easeful death / Call’d him soft names in many a mused
rhyme, / To take into the air my quiet breath;
Poem Ode to a nightingale by John Keats Lines 52-54
è Include a part of the quotation; mention the name of the poet & poem in your sentence.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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TCS RULES
1. Every quotation in an essay must be accompanied by TCS

2. TCS does not necessarily have to appear in the SAME sentence as the quotation.
3. TCS does not have to appear in any specific order.
4. Who’s the speaker if the quotation is not dialogue? The speaker is the “narrator” of the story
or the “speaker” of the poem.
Practice! Select three quotations from your outline and blend them into your own
sentence using TCS. Label the TCS of each blended quotation and also the type of
blending you used: run-in, embedded, or block.
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Directions: Read the following body paragraph from a literary analysis essay and complete the following
ratiocination guide to label the parts of the paragraph.
1. Underline the topic sentence. What will the paragraph be about? Circle the key words
of the topic sentence.
2. Underline the concluding sentence. How has the writer rephrased the topic sentence?
Circle the words and ideas that the writer has rephrased from the topic sentence.
3. Find the two blended quotations and label the TCS of each one.
4. Highlight the commentary. How has the writer explained each quotation? Make notes
in the margins.
In Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the narrator uses a sinister tone to describe the
Thames River in order to foreshadow Marlow’s experience journeying up the African river.
For example, when the first narrator describes the offing from the perspective of the river,
he uses descriptive words such as “haze,” “dark,” and “mournful gloom.” These words carry
a melancholy tone, which makes the river appear foreboding instead of a symbol of
prosperous future. By describing the river with such negative terms, the narrator
foreshadows the impending disillusionment and despair of Marlow’s story that begins after
the first narrator’s commentary. Continuing his description of the offing from the
perspective of the Thames River, the first narrator also says, “In the offing the sea and the
sky were welded together without a join” (Conrad 3). In this description, the first narrator
uses references to mechanical parts with the diction “welded” and “joint” to show how the
offing between the sky and se have not been manipulated with mechanisms of the
industrial age. This mechanical diction shows a contrast between the civilization of the city
and the lack of civilization of the wilderness, which, again, establishes a foreboding
atmosphere surrounding Marlow’s journey into Africa. The first narrator’s initial
description reveal a pessimistic view towards the concept of adventure through his use of
tone, which foreshadows the pessimism of Marlow’s tale.
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1. Rephrased thesis statement
2. Summary of main points
3. Broad/ universal statement
Sample 1
In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth, the author depicts how unchecked ambition
causes corruption. Macbeth and Lady Macbeth allow their ambition for the throne to corrupt
their morals, and they become ruthless murderer as a result. The more Macbeth ignores his
conscience, the more ruthless he becomes, and he eventually faces the consequences of her corrupt
behavior, but the guilt is so overpowering that she commits suicide. All of these tragic actions
were avoidable. All of these tragic actions were unnecessary. Through the lens of this corrupt
married couple, Shakespeare shows how one’s conscience can protect, guide, and teach and
that ignoring it can lead to dire consequences.
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ESSAY 3 : PERSONAL STATEMENT
Sample Essay #1
By Dylan Morse
I kept a firm grip on the rainbow trout as I removed the lure from its lip. Then, my heart racing with
excitement, I lowered the fish to the water and watched it flash away.
I remained hooked.
I caught that 10-inch fryling five years ago on Fall Creek using a $5 fly rod given to me by my
neighbor Gil. The creek is spectacular as it cascades down the 150-foot drop of Ithaca Falls. Only
100-feet further, however, it runs past a decrepit gun factory and underneath a graffitied bridge
before flowing adjacent to my high school and out to Cayuga Lake. Aside from the falls, the creek is
largely overlooked. Nearly all of the high school students I know who cross that bridge daily do so
with no thought of the creek below.
When I was a toddler, my moms say I used to point and ask, “What? What? What?” Even now my
inquisitive nature is obvious. Unlike my friends, I had noticed people fly fishing in Fall Creek.
Mesmerized by their graceful casts, I pestered Gil into teaching me. From that first thrilling
encounter with a trout, I knew I needed to catch more. I had a new string of questions. I wanted to
understand trout behavior, how to find them, and what they ate. There was research to do.
I devoted myself to fly fishing. I asked questions. I woke up at 4 a.m. to fish before school. I spent
days not catching anything. Yet, I persisted. The Kid’s Book of Fishing was replaced by Norman
MacLean’s A River Runs Through It. Soon Ernest Hemingway’s essays found their place next to Trout
Unlimited magazines by my bed.
I sought teachers. I continued to fish with Gil, and at his invitation joined the local Trout Unlimited
Chapter. I enrolled in a fly-tying class.
There I met Ken, a soft-spoken molecular biologist, who taught me to start each fly I make by
crimping the hook to reduce harm to fish, and Mike, a sarcastic Deadhead lawyer, who turns over
rocks at all times of year to “match the hatch” and figure out which insects fish are eating. Thanks to
my mentors, I can identify and create almost every type of Northeastern mayfly, caddisfly, and
stonefly.
The more I learned, the more protective I felt of the creek and its inhabitants. My knowledge of
mayflies and experience fishing in many New York streams led me to notice the lack of Blue-Winged
Olive Mayflies in Fall Creek. I figured out why while discussing water quality in my AP Biology class;
lead from the gun factory had contaminated the creek and ruined the mayfly habitat. Now, I
participate in stream clean-up days, have documented the impact of invasive species on trout and
other native fish, and have chosen to continue to explore the effects of pollutants on waterways in
my AP Environmental Science class.
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Last year, on a frigid October morning, I started a conversation with the man fishing next to me.
Banks, I later learned, is a contemporary artist who nearly died struggling with a heroin addiction.
When we meet on the creek these days we talk about casting techniques, aquatic insects, and fishing
ethics. We also talk about the healing power of fly fishing. I know Banks would agree with Henry
David Thoreau, who wrote “[Many men] lay so much stress on the fish which they catch or fail to
catch, and on nothing else, as if there were nothing else to be caught.”
Initially, my goal was to catch trout. What I landed was a passion. Thanks to that first morning on Fall
Creek, I’ve found a calling that consumes my free time, compels me to teach fly fishing to others, and
drives what I want to study in college.
I will be leaving Fall Creek soon. I am eager to step into new streams.
- A personal statement is an opportunity to sell yourself by highlighting your

goals, strengths, accomplishments, motivators, character traits, and more.
It’s all about you!
- A personal statement is a written statement about yourself.
- Your personal statement should include a story that truly shows who you
are.
- Purpose? – It is a showcase of your qualifications and past
accomplishments. It is a demonstration of your writing abilities, creativity,
and aspirations.
- First and foremost, if there is a question in the prompt, answer it!
- You will want to include some of these elements.
• Your biggest accomplishment
• Your strengths and talents
• Your goals and aspirations
• Any unique or defining attributes
• any unusual obstacles you’ve overcome
- Write a cohesive statement that ties together an anecdote with your theme,
thesis, or message
- Use specific details that show who you are. Aim for more detail about fewer
things than less detail about many things.
- Be your unique and creative self.
DO NOT
- Talk negatively about yourself or others.
- Write with over-used cliches.
- Dwell on negative events.
- Complain about your life.
- Discuss money, fame, or fortune and a motivator.
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Strategies for Vivid & Lively Prose
I. Evoke a Vivid World

Now it’s time to make your writing come alive. The best reflective essays are written in
vibrant, gripping prose that evokes a vivid picture in the reader’s mind. You’ll want to use
evocative language to transport your readers into your world. Bring that world to life by filling
your essay with concrete description, punchy dialogue, and one or two unexpected yet apt
metaphors.
II. Construct Three-Dimensional Characters

Of equal importance, you’ll want to fill that world with three-dimensional characters. Describe
people in a manner that honors their complexity. Use description and dialogue to create a
clear sense of your characters’ internal states: thoughts, feelings, motivations, hesitations.
Approach your prose as if it were what one scholar calls “a medium for decrypting and
unpacking, layer after layer, clause after clause, the Russian-doll universe that people turn out
to be.”1
Needless to say, the most important character in your essay will be you. One danger that
students face in writing college essays is the temptation to round out their edges in order to
make themselves seem likable to their readers. “The mistake many would-be essayists and
memoirists make,” observes essayist Philip Lopate, “is to try so hard to be likable and nice, to
fit in, that the reader, bored, begins craving stronger stuff.” In order to avoid this mistake,
Lopate recommends that essayists write about themselves in the same way they would about a
literary character. “You need to be able to see yourself from the ceiling: to know, for instance,
how you are coming across in social situations, and to assess accurately when you are being
charming and when you seem pushy, mousy, or ridiculous. [. . .] The point is to begin to take
inventory of yourself so that you can present that self to the reader as a specific, legible
character.” Ironically, admitting one or two of your foibles will not only render you more
interesting to your readers, but will also make you sound more honest, humble, and self-
reflective — and hence more likable.
III. Cultivate a Lively Narrative Voice

Finally, be aware of the fact that your writing style will be expressive of your personality. That
is, you’ll be communicating important information about who you are not only through what
you choose to write about, but also through how you choose to write about it. The words that
you choose to use — and the ways in which you arrange those words into sentences — will
evoke an image of a distinctive personality. If your writing is dull, then the persona conjured in
the minds of your readers will be dull; but if your writing is lively, then that persona will be
lively too.
Use your writing style to foreground dimensions of your personality that you may be too
humble to name overtly: your observational intelligence, your playful sense of humor, your
capacity for critical self-reflection, and so on. If you are deliberate in your selection and
arrangement of words — and if you make an effort to cultivate a distinct narrative “voice” —
then your readers will come away with a better sense of who you are, and you will stand out in
their minds as a more memorable and compelling applicant.
1
André Aciman, “Proust’s Way?: An Exchange,” The New York Review of Books (Apr. 6, 2006).
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IV. Use a Wide Variety of Sentences
To keep your reader awake and engaged, you’ll want to make sure that your essay contains
sufficient variation in sentence structure. Be aware of what your “go-to” sentence is and avoid
using it too often. Make an effort to utilize a wide variety of syntax structures. Fiction writers
like Joyce Carol Oates are masters of sentence variability. Notice how Oates uses a wide variety
of sentence structures in the opening paragraph of her personal essay “They All Just Went
Away”:
I must have been a lonely child. Until the age of twelve or thirteen, my most
intense, happiest hours were spent tramping desolate fields, woods, and creek
banks near my family’s farmhouse in Millersport, New York. No one knew where
I went. My father, working most of the day at Harrison’s, a division of General
Motors in Lockport, and at other times preoccupied, would not have asked; if my
mother asked, I might have answered in a way that would deflect curiosity. I was
an articulate, verbal child. Yet I could not have explained what drew me to the
abandoned houses, barns, silos, corncribs. A hike of miles through fields of spiky
grass, across outcroppings of shale as steeply angled as stairs, was a lark if the
reward was an empty house.2
In the paragraph above, Joyce Carol Oates does an excellent job of meeting the criteria of an
effective essay. First, Oates evokes a vivid world. Instead of merely stating that she liked to go
on walks through neighboring farms, Oates utilizes precise words and phrases — “spiky grass,”
“outcroppings of shale,” “barns, silos, corncribs” — to evoke a vivid image of her surroundings.
Second, Oates constructs herself as a three-dimensional character. She is not afraid to portray
her childhood self as a “lonely” tramp whose happiest moments were spent in solitary
exploration. Nor is she afraid to portray herself as having been moved by subconscious
motivations. She observes that she “could not have explained what drew me to abandoned
houses.”
Last but surely not least, the paragraph above is characterized by remarkable variability in its
syntax. Notice how Oates begins the essay with a short sentence (7 words), follows with a long
sentence (29 words), then follows with another short sentence (6 words), and so on. Yet if
Oates uses a wide variety of sentence structures, she is also strategic about precisely when she
uses particular kinds of sentences. For example, she uses a long sentence to describe the
experience of going on a miles-long hike; yet she uses short sentences when she wants to drive
home a point. When writing your college essays, try to be similarly alert to how the form of a
sentence might help to reinforce its content.
2
Joyce Carol Oates, “They All Just Went Away,” The New Yorker (Oct. 16, 1995).
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Handout #4: How to Format a College Essay
1st Paragraph: A Tension-Filled Scene

Use your opening paragraph to drop the reader into the middle of a concrete scene filled with tension. Zoom in on a brief
moment of the interaction when the tension is highest, and capture that moment using vivid description. Your account of the
tension should hook the interest of readers and make them want to keep reading.1
Write this paragraph using the first-person point of view. Enable your readers to inhabit the shoes of the person who you
were at the time when the event(s) happened. Describe the feelings you were experiencing in the moment. Use the present
tense to generate a sense of immediacy.
In this paragraph, you’ll be demonstrating your skills in descriptive writing.
2nd Paragraph: Context

Use your second paragraph to zoom out and provide a broader context: who, what, where, when. When and where did the
event(s) take place? What led to the tension-filled situation? What kind of person were you then?
Write this paragraph using the first-person point of view. But shift into the past tense to clarify that you are now narrating
from the perspective of who you are today.2
In this paragraph, you’ll be demonstrating your skills in informative writing.
3rd Paragraph: Narration

Now return to the scene in your first paragraph and develop it into a narrative. What happened next? And after that? Tell a
story using some of the techniques of narrative writing: foreshadowing, suspense, dialogue, humor, and so on. Make sure to
recount how the tension in your first paragraph gets resolved. You will probably need to devote at least two or three
paragraphs to this section of the essay.
In this paragraph, you’ll be demonstrating your skills in narrative writing.
4th Paragraph: Narration (cont.)

Same as above.
5th Paragraph: Reflection

Use your last paragraphs to reflect back upon your experiences from the perspective of who you are today. How did the
experience push you to grow or change? What did you learn? Reflect back on your experiences and elaborate upon any
lessons learned — recognizing that the writing process itself may help you to clarify such lessons. Devote at least two or three
paragraphs to this section of the essay.
This section of your essay is where you demonstrate that you are a thoughtful human being who is capable of reflecting back
on his/her experience and learning something from it. Students typically find this section to be the most difficult to write. But
because colleges are looking for thoughtful and reflective students, this is the most important part of a college application
essay. So please devote extra time to it!
In this paragraph, you’ll be demonstrating your skills in reflective writing.
6th Paragraph: Reflection (cont.)

Same as above.
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Qualities of Personal Narrative Writing
- Also called “Autobiographical Incident.”
- Tells the story of one incident from your life
- short time period: One day, one hour, or even a few minutes
- Descriptive writing : Use all of your senses
- Includes dialogue, both spoken and internal
- First-person narration
- Use a clear chronology/ order of plot events
- Includes a lasting lesson or message to the reader in the story’s resolution/ conclusion
Outside the Lines
“Mom, what’s this one for?” I asked, holding up one of the shiny tubes that my mother used when
applying makeup.
“That’s called lip liner, but let’s see...it says right here, Ravishing Rose,” my mother pointed to the
label with one hand, still managing to dab blackish goo on her eyelashes with what looked like the
world’s smallest toothbrush. I always looked forward to hearing the exotic names that went with
each product, not knowing what they meant, but liking the sound of them.
I loved observing my mom as she primped for parties or dinners with friends. At the age of five,
everything my parents did caused me to wonder, but my mother’s reason for putting on makeup
was baffling. Whenever I asked her why she spent time with the tubes and vials, she always said,
“Well, even mommies need to feel pretty once in a while.”
In my mind, my mom looked beautiful all the time, whether she was cleaning the house, making
breakfast, or cuddling with me on the couch. She had light brown hair and green eyes. Her nose bent
a little to the left at the end because she’d run through a glass door as a child. Little things like that
made her all the more special, I thought.
Desperately, I wanted to show my mom that I could be just like her, that I was more grown up than
the average kindergartner. So when she left for the grocery store one Saturday afternoon, I decided I
would put makeup on for the first time. I watched through the front window as her car turned the
corner and I smiled as my dad waved at me from outside. Then, he walked back to the garage, ready
to tinker with his old truck for another hour. Finally alone, I scrambled up the stairs and entered their
bathroom. A thrill rushed through me, imaging my mom’s astonishment when she saw me looking so
elegant and lovely. I needed to act fast, though. Her trips to the market weren’t very long, and I
wanted this to be a surprise.
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Let’s see, I thought, the first drawer is for toothbrushes. The second drawer has hair things. Oh, here
we go...
I opened the third drawer treasure chest, slowly revealing what seemed to be hundreds of silver and
gold cases and tubes. I didn’t know where to start, so I grabbed two fistfuls of products, sat in front
of the mirror, and started painting my face in shades of red, pink, and purple. I couldn’t remember
which tube was used for which part of my face, so I just put everything everywhere.
When I was done, the results were not as I had imagined. I looked nothing like a green-eyed beauty.
Instead, my eyes resembled those of my nanny, a cranky lady named Ursula, whose tired eyes were
the result of many restless nights caring for small children like myself. She tried to cover the droopy
bags under her eyes with thick layers of white powder, but, to me, she always looked like an old
raccoon. The red on my lips wasn’t ravishing; it was actually the same shade my mouth turned after
drinking cherry Kool-Aid. Because I hadn’t exactly mastered the art of staying inside the lines, the
ruby-colored paste traveled all over my chin and under my nose.
Hypnotized by my reflection, I didn’t hear the car door slam in the driveway. I did, though, hear the
creak as my mother climbed the stairs toward her bedroom. It was then that I noticed the giant mess
I’d made. Bottles had spilled, sending colored rivers down the counter, dripping off the end and
puddling on the tile floor. Lipsticks were chipped, and there was powder everywhere. I’d carelessly
knocked over a nail polish bottle, and the oozing maroon liquid gave off a stench that stung my nose.
I tried to quickly gather all the makeup together, but stopped when I saw my mom’s reflection
behind me in the mirror.
“What are you doing?” she yelled, as she picked up different items, saying they were her favorite
type of this or that, and that I’d ruined or broken nearly everything. I just sat there, frozen. “I leave
you alone for half an hour, and you can’t stay out of trouble!”
When I couldn’t hold them back any longer, tears started to spill out of my eyes and roll down my
cheeks, which were caked with rose blush. By the time they reached the bottom of my chin, the
tears had carved a dark blue trail down my face. Usually, whenever I cried, my mom would wrap her
arms around me and tell me that everything was all right, that I hadn’t done anything wrong. This
time, she didn’t touch me. She didn’t look at me. She just rubbed away the streaks of color on
her counter top in silence, as if I weren’t even in the room. I expected her to tell me she shouldn’t
have yelled at me, but she didn’t. We didn’t speak for the remainder of the day, one of the longest of
my life, and she sent my dad to tuck me in that night instead of reading to me, as she usually did. I
fell asleep that night thinking she might not even love me anymore.
The next day, as I chased the few straggling Cheerios around my bowl of milk, my mother talked to
me about her frustration with me and her need to calm down. I told her I had learned my lesson, but
the real lesson was taught the night before. I had wanted to look older and, rather than treating me
like a baby and hugging me after I made a mistake, my mom handled the situation as if I were much
older. She left me to think about what I had done, which felt cold at the time; however, this was
actually good for me. The adult world can be cold. We will make unintentional mistakes and,
sometimes, we won’t be forgiven. That’s a message I carry with me and always gives me pause
before I accidentally make a mess of things by trying to act older than I am.
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Topic Suggestions
1. Recall a time in your life when you did something that you knew was wrong. You may remember a
time when you knowingly teased another person, a time when you cheated on a test, or a time when
you lied to a parent/ guardian. Write your essay about the incident. Include the kinds of details that
will help your readers see the situation, the characters, and what happened. They will also want to
know why you acted as you did, and how you feel about the incident now.
2. Recall an incident in which you experienced an important change. The change might involve
geographic location, family situation, physical condition, or personal life. Write about that incident.
Include details that will help your readers visualize the situation to see who was involved and what
happened.
3. Recall an incident in which you became more aware of another’s feelings. The other being might
be a person your own age, an adult, or even an animal. Explain the incident in detail so that the
reader can picture what happened. Include the kinds of details that will help your readers visualize
the situation and see what happened and who was involved.
4. Recall a time when you realized a particular person was (or was not) a true friend. Focus on the
central moment when you discovered the true nature of this person. Include details that will help
your reader visualize the situation and see what happened and who was involved.
5. Recall an incident that you felt was either lucky or unlucky. Include the kinds of details that will
help your readers see the situation, the characters, and what happened.
Show (Not Tell) Writing
Adding sensory details helps enrich writing and enables your reader to thoroughly experience the
scene you are trying to describe. For each of the following sentences at the bottom of this page, use
the “telling” sentence as the topic for a paragraph that shows the reader the subject of the sentence.
Do not use the “telling” sentence anywhere in your “showing” paragraph. Notice in these two
examples how each writer has created a unique character and scene based on the “telling”
sentence.
Telling sentence: The man is old.
Showing paragraphs:
1. “The codger reaches out and caresses Halleck’s cheek with one twisted finger. His lips spread open
like a wound, showing a few tombstone stumps poking out of his gums. They are black and green.
His tongue squirms between them and then slides out to lick his grinning, cracked lips.”
– Stephen King, Thinner
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2. “Limping along paths of crushed stone and tapping his cane as he takes each step, he races across
intricacies of sunlight and shadow spread before him on the dark garden floor like golden lace.
Alessandro Guilani is tall and unbent, and his buoyant white hair falls, floating around his head like
the white water in the curl of a wave.” – Mark Helprin, A Soldier of the Great War
Now, it’s your turn. On a separate sheet of paper, write a descriptive paragraph for each of the four telling
sentences below. You will have a total of four paragraphs when you are finished.
Telling Sentences:
1. I was exhausted. 2. She was angry. 3. Nina is rich. 4. The school was strange.
Sensory Details
Answer the following questions about the incident and continue writing on the back of
the page, if needed. Use this information while you write your Personal Narrative.
1. How did the incident sound?
2. How did the incident look?
3. How did the incident smell?
4. What did the incident feel like physically? Write a metaphor and a simile.
5. What did the incident feel like emotionally? Write a metaphor and a simile.
6. How did others feel about the incident?
7. Who were the others involved in the incident? What did they look like?
8. Looking back, how do you feel about the incident now?
9. Did the incident teach you anything or change your life in any way?
10. What message do you want your reader to glean from reading your personal narrative?
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Writing Figuratively
1. A figure of speech that implies a comparison between two relatively unlike things.
2. The use of words which actually sound like the objects or actions to which they refer.
3. A ‘softer’ more inoffensive word or phrase, used as a substitute for one considered too harsh
or blunt, when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.
4. A comparison between two unlike things, usually with the words ‘like’ or ‘as’.
5. The repetition of the same consonant letter or sound in adjacent, or closely connected,
words.
6. A figure of speech in which a part is used to represent the whole, or the whole for a part.
7. A play on words; sometimes on different meanings of the same word and sometimes on the
similar sense or sound of different words
8. When incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side
9. An exaggerated statement used to emphasize an idea or make a point
10. A brief, indirect reference to a person, place, thing or idea of historical, cultural, literary or
political significance.
11. The repetition of vowel sounds in consecutive, or closely related words.
12. The giving of human qualities to an animal, object of abstract idea.
13. Verbal (what is said is the opposite of what is meant); Situational (a contrast between a
situation’s result and what is usually expected); Dramatic (when the audience or reader know
more than the characters.)
14. A seemingly contradictory statement, which actually makes sense or contains some truth.
15. The repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses.
16. A comparison between two things in order to highlight a point of similarity. It is different to
a metaphor or simile, in that it expresses a set of like relationships between two set of terms.
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IDNETIFYING FIGURATIVE LANGAUGE
Someone once said, “No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.” Or
something like that. It was a statement my first therapist was fond of repeating. In fact, she was
always saying it. It struck me as odd. Wasn’t she supposed to fixing me, not encouraging my
flights of fancy? That’s probably why mother let her go. Dear Dr. Cassie didn’t want to
incarcerate me here in Hell. She didn’t think it was necessary. She didn’t see the need to put me
away. She didn’t think I was crazy. So my loving mother found someone who did. And, like Alice
down the rabbit hole, here I am.
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USING FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE IN YOUR WRITING
Read the following passage and then rewrite it below, making it more descriptive and
interesting by adding adverbs, adjectives, and most importantly, figurative language
techniques. You must use at least EIGHT DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES (tick them off below as you
use them).
Allusion Metaphor Alliteration Oxymoron Pun Personification Anaphora
Simile Euphemism Assonance Paradox Hyperbole Onomatopoeia
Jane walked into the coffee shop and collapsed into the first empty chair she could find.
Her whole body ached, and so she felt immensely grateful that this wasn’t an establishment
which required one to order at the counter.
Wanting to convey this gratitude to Tim, the freckled young waiter who approached her,
Jane tried, unsuccessfully, to smile. He looked confused, and mildly concerned, so she hastily
turned to her menu and ordered a large coffee with a raspberry slice on the side – she hoped
that the sugar would revive her.
As she sat, slumped in her chair, Jane observed her surroundings: coupled chatting
animatedly; grumpy teens absorbed in the screens in their palms; businessmen reading
newspapers. She appreciated the delicious smell of coffee and freshly baked goods wafting
from the kitchen, and listened attentively to the various sounds around her.
For the first time that day, Jane felt a sense of calm. Just how long this would last, she
had no idea, but she wasn’t thinking about the future; she didn’t have the energy for it. As Tim
placed her order in front of her, she smiled again, only this time more convincingly.
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DIALOGUE
Keep the following rules in mind when adding dialogue to your Personal Narrative:
1. All speech needs to be surrounded by quotation marks.
“This will be my greatest piece of writing,” I announced.
2. Instead of using a period at the end of the sentence, use a comma when you are
identifying the speaker.
“It’s impossible to forget Papa,” Carla said. “His skin was warm, his laugh was deep, and his
voice was always the loudest in the room.” (Note: The punctuation goes inside the quotation
marks.)
3. If you use a question mark, you don’t need to change it to a comma.

“How can this problem be fixed?” I asked.
4. If you use an exclamation mark, you don’t need to change it to a comma. Please, use
exclamation marks sparingly. “Help!” Alex cried. “Spot jumped the fence and is running
down the street.”
5. If you have interrupted speech to let the reader know who is speaking, a comma is
needed before the break and again after the speaker’s name as you continue the same
sentence. “Andrea,” Eli gasped, “I have urgent news.”
6. If someone is thinking about something, but doesn’t say the idea out loud, use italics
to note the unspoken thought.
Of course, she thought bitterly, everyone wants to be my friend now that I’ve won the lottery.
- 91 -
Write Like a Pro!
1. Six simple tips to immediately improve your writing
- Participles, Absolutes, Appositives, Adjectives shifted out of order, Vivid verbs, Similes
and Metaphors
- Participles: “-ing” verb or “-ed” verb placed at the beginning of the sentence.
Ex: The diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.
è Hissing and slithering, the diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.
- Absolutes: A two-word combination ( a noun and an -ing or -ed verb) added onto a
sentence.
Ex: The cat climbed the tree.
è Feet kicking, the cat climbed the tree.
- Appositives: A noun that adds a second image to a preceding noun.
Ex: The raccoon enjoys eating turtle eggs.
è The raccoon, a scavenger, enjoys eating turtle eggs.
- Adjectives shifted out of order: Instead of stringing three adjectives in a row, place one
before the noun and two after the noun.
Ex: The large, red-eyed, angry bull charged the matador.
è The large bull, red-eyed and angry, charged the matador.
- Vivid Verbs: Avoid “to be” verbs; instead energize your writing with more vivid choices.
Ex: The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.
è The gravel road curled around the left side of the barn.
- Similes and Metaphors: Comparing two dissimilar things for the sake of creating an
image in the reader’s mind. Similes do this using “like,” “as,” or any connective wording.
- Metaphors do this without the use of any connective wording.
Ex: The wind cut through my scarf and froze my neck.
è The wind, as icy as a witch’s curse, cut through my scarf and froze my neck.
è Love is a battlefield.
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Directions: Read the following student-written Personal Narrative. Then, do the following:
1. Circle three participial phrases.

2. Underline one absolute phrase.
3. Draw a rectangle around two appositives.
4. Draw a star over one example of adjectives shifted out of order.
5. Use a highlighter to mark four vivid verbs.
6. Write the letter “M” at the beginning of a line that includes a metaphor. 7. Write the letter “S”
at the beginning of a line that includes a simile.
8. On the back of the paper, explain which element of this story is ironic.
The Heist
A quick trip to the grocery store with my mother turned into the unexpected backdrop of one
of my biggest life lessons. When we first entered the store’s sliding double doors on that warm
August afternoon, I dutifully kept pace with the rolling red cart, peering over the edge as my mother
dropped bags of plums, peppers, and apples into the basket. Rounding a corner, I spied the store’s
toy section, my mother quickening her pace as she tried to move us past the Pandora’s box of plastic
temptations. She was too late; I was already bee-lining for my target.
Once every few months, my mother’s good mood would align with the rarity of a few extra
dollars in her wallet and she would agree to buy me a toy. Today was not one of those days.
“Can I have...” I began to ask.

“No,” she cut me off. “Not today.”
Drooping my hangdog eyes, I asked if I could stay and at least play with the plastic cars while she
finished the shopping; she agreed, begrudgingly, before guiding the cart around the next corner.
I first noticed the shoebox-sized cars in a traffic pileup on the bottom shelf. Only babies
would enjoy those blocks of pressed plastic, with their wheels that didn’t move and a sticker of a
smiling face in place of an actual driver. On a higher rack, I spotted a thin wooden paddle with an
attached ball the color of bubble gum, a platoon of green Army men on the verge of escaping from
their shrink-wrapped cell, and a handful of glass marbles held together by a small fisherman’s net of
red mesh. Suddenly, just above eye-level, I spotted something I hadn’t seen there before – a
Matchbox police car, all shiny black-and- white with siren lights, both red and blue. It even had a
man, a police captain, in the driver’s seat.
- 93 -
Having memorized the lines on my mother’s face, I already knew the answer to the question I
wouldn’t dare ask her. The only way to possess this car would be to steal it.
The car fit snugly between my pointer finger and thumb, as if it had been designed just for
my hand. I looked up and down the aisle and saw only slick floor tiles that shone like a mirror. No
one else was around. There wouldn’t be any witnesses, so I palmed the car, dropping it into the deep
pocket of my khaki shorts, a cavern of secrets.
I hurried down the aisle, fleeing the scene of the crime.

You’re going to get caught, I scolded myself. No, just shut up and keep moving. No one will know.
My mother was already in the checkout line, starting to unload the contents of her cart onto the
black treadmill that always made me nervous as I imagined one of my fingers getting caught and
mangled in the belt. I was too small to help unload the cart, so I stood on the opposite side,
separated from my mom by cans of tuna fish and a fresh snapper wrapped in waxy white paper from
the butcher’s counter.
On the drive home, buckled into the backseat, I silently slid my treasure from its hiding spot.
The little doors actually opened and the siren lights flashed when a tiny button was pressed by a tiny
fingernail.
“That’s a nice car,” Mom said, startling me as she caught my eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Where did you get it?”
“I...I got it from my friend David.”

“That was very nice of him. It looks expensive,” she replied, arching her right eyebrow.
Although she didn’t say anything else about the car, I knew that she knew I’d stolen it from
the store. The crime gnawed at my conscience and, the next day, I smashed the police car with a
hammer, sweeping the pieces into the gutter at the end of our driveway. That night, the pieces
reappeared on my desk, wrapped in a paper towel.
My mother never talked to me about that day, but the arched eyebrow and those car parts
made her point clear. Crime, I learned, comes with the expensive price tag of guilt and
disappointment. My life as an outlaw ended that day.
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VARYING SENTENCE BEGINNINGS
1. Ralph was extremely happy, as he had just passed his driving test.
è A present participle (ing): Having just passed his driving test, Ralph was extremely
happy.
2. She went to the gym so that she would lose weight.
è An infinitive (to+verb):
3. The boy rode the bike with a smile on his face.
è A present participle (ing):

è A prepositional phrase:
4. Tony punched the bag with real anger.
è An adverb:
5. Tim interviewed her because her essay impressed him.
è A past participle (-ed):

è A present participle (-ing):
6. The company moved offices so that they could reduce expenses.
è An infinitive:
7. She tiptoed quietly into the room as the baby was sleeping.
è An adverb:
è A present participle (ing):
8. Mr. Spark rudely dismissed me without asking what was wrong.
è An adverb:
9. I never went on the cruise as I knew I’d get seasick.
è A present participle (ing)
10. Sheila collapsed onto the bed; she was tired and sick.
è An adjective:
è A present participle (ing)
- 95 -
Varying Sentence Beginnings
It is very important when you are writing a series of sentences that the sentences do not
all sound the same. Sentences that all sound the same are not interesting to a reader. To help
with this problem, you can vary – change or rearrange, your sentence beginnings.
I want to be a veterinarian when I grow up. I want to take a class at the local community
college so that I can get some experience. I want to volunteer at the local animal shelter. I love
animals, and I want to someday own a farm with a lot of animals that I have helped.
- 3 out of the 4 sentences start with “I want.” This type of error can hurt even the best writers. It is
important that you pay attention to how your sentences begin so that you don’t sound like you
are repeating yourself.
- One of the ways to avoid this problem is to do some sentence combining. Another way to avoid
this problem is to be conscious of the beginning of your sentences, and try to rearrange the
words you choose so that you are not always starting them the same way.
I love animals so much that when I grow up, I hoe to be a veterinarian. In fact, I am planning
to take classes at the local community college, and to gain experience, I would also like to
volunteer at the local animal shelter. Someday, I hope to own a farm with animals that I have
helped.
- Notice that some of the sentences have been rearranged; some have been combined. As long as
you vary the beginning of each sentence so that it doesn’t sound boring or repetitive, you have
made a huge improvement to the paragraph!
When you work to combine short, choppy sentences, you are also working to vary your
sentences. Take a look at just some of the ways you can improve your writing by varying how
you start your sentences.
- Use two adjectives: Ripe, juicy peaches made my grandmother’s pie the best.
- Use a gerund: Skiing, a favorite winter sport, is being overtaken by snowboarding.
- Use an appositive: Sheila, the smartest girl in the class, received an award.
- Use an infinitive : To win an award was a proud achievement for Natasha.
- Use a prepositional phrase: In the high tower, she waited for~
- Use parallel structure (a conjunction between adjectives): Handsome and fearless, the prince
climbed the tower to his princess.
- 96 -
Let’s rewrite!
1. Many students have a hard time studying. Many students really don’t know what to do
in order to take notes. Many need to learn the skills to become better students. Many students
want to be better students. Many students are not sure how to study better in order for their
grades to improve.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
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2. Napoleon has changed so much throughout the story Animal Farm and the readers will
understand some of the changes Napoleon underwent. Napoleon was at first very honorable to
other animals. Then he quickly changed and became very unfair and sneaky. Napoleon kept on
changing more and more and became worse as time went on. Napoleon has changed a lot and
his changes will be explained in the following essay.
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3. There are many reasons the driving age should be raised from 16 to 18. The many reasons
I’m going to describe here. Teens have a reputation for being reckless and dangerous when
behind the wheel. Teens pack their car full of friends. Teens drive fast. Teens forget their
seatbelts. Teens should be put on a limited permit for three years while they learn how to drive
safely.
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- 97 -
- 98 -

2023 여름 GW - Advanced - S1

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1. Topic sentence: Africa’s most dangerous animal is the hippopotamus.

3. Concluding Sentence = the power, temperament, and number of victims of the

1. Get the attention of the reader.

Put the topic in parentheses, and underline the controlling idea.

1. In the winter, people can avoid injuries by taking certain precautions.

2. There are several disadvantages to online shopping.

3. My fear of dogs began when I was a child.

2. It states a point that needs to be explained or proven.

YX developed a new computer. (Poor example)

3. It has one direction.

4. It has an appropriate focus.

Since the beginning of time, communication has been essential.

1. It happened years ago when we lived in Stanford Road.

2. Ostriches are birds.

3. There are three steps to take.

5. English is both an easy and difficult language.

Audrey Hepburn was an incredible woman who gave of herself tirelessly to

Things to remember about the Explain/ Expand section of your paragraph:

Things to remember about the Evidence section of your paragraph:

Topic Sentence: _______________________________________________________________________________

Supporting Sentences : ________________________________________________________________________

1. Signal the end of the paragraph

2. Reinforce the main point of the paragraph

3. Use new words

How do I make a good concluding sentence?

Summation : In conclusion To sum up In summary

Effect: Therefore Thus As a result Consequently

a. Restate the topic sentence. (Paraphrase)

b. Restate topic sentence and three major details.

c. Make a related suggestion.

DO NOT put any new information in your concluding sentence.

1. Seoul, the capital of South Korea, has a number of historical sites.

Topic: The benefits of yoga

Supporting point 1: Mental benefits

Supporting point 2: Physical benefits

Supporting point 3: Emotional benefits

Topic 1: Should students have to wear a school uniform?

Topic 2: Healthcare should/ shouldn’t be free.

Topic 3: The world is becoming a safer place.

Topic 4: Should children be forced to learn a second language?

Ø The Introductory Paragraph

Hooks + Background information + Thesis statement = Introduction

Students use of cell phones in schools should be prohibited.

Intro -> General Statements : Hook + background information

Where do you start?

Who is texting and driving?

My opinion: It should be treated the same as drinking and driving.

1. It has a clearly defined argument.

a. A controversial issue is whether elderly people should have driver’s licenses.

2. It contains one main idea.

a. Alcohol can impair people’s decision-making skills, sometimes leading to disastrous

3. It uses specific terms.

b. Diversity is good for our country.

4. It is interesting and engaging (avoids the “so-what” problem)

a. Birth order can affect personality.

c. There are many similarities and differences between siblings.

a. Media images are the reason teens develop eating disorders.

- Do not start your thesis statement with “I believe…” or “In my

Practice Writing Thesis Statements

1. I am going to compare the influence of peers to that of parents on teenagers.

3. some people choose not to have television in their homes.

4. The effect of not keeping a budget.