Self-Awareness

What Is Self Awareness?

Self-awareness requires us to dive inward and reflect. It is important in personal
development, and while it’s not typical for individuals to think about their level of
self-awareness constantly, it does require time and practice to become second
nature. As you learn more about yourself, you’ll start to hear a sort of an inner
voice.

Ultimately, our level of self-awareness is a reflection of the time we spend with

ourselves and what we take away. By nature, humans are not intensely self-aware,
but we can develop the tools required to hone this skill.

What Is Self-Awareness Theory?

Self-awareness theory is based on the idea that you are not your thoughts, but the
entity observing your thoughts; you are the thinker, separate and apart from your
thoughts (Duval & Wicklund, 1972).

We can go about our day without giving our inner self any extra thought, merely
thinking and feeling and acting as we will; however, we also can focus our
attention on that inner self, an ability that Duval and Wicklund (1972) termed
“self-evaluation.”

When we engage in self-evaluation, we can give some thought to whether we are

thinking and feeling and acting as we “should” or following our standards and
values. This is referred to as comparing against our standards of correctness. We
do this daily, using these standards as a way to judge the rightness of our thoughts
and behaviors.
Using these standards is a major component of practicing self-control, as we
evaluate and determine whether we are making the right choices to achieve our
goals.

There Are Two Types of Self-Awareness

For the last 50 years, researchers have used varying definitions of self-awareness.
For example, some see it as the ability to monitor our inner world, whereas
others label it as a temporary state of self-consciousness. Still others describe it as
the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us.

So before we could focus on how to improve self-awareness, we needed to

synthesize these findings and create an overarching definition.

Across the studies we examined, two broad categories of self-awareness kept

emerging. The first, which we dubbed internal self-awareness (private self-
awareness), represents how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations,
fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors,
strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others. We’ve found that internal self-
awareness is associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and
social control, and happiness; it is negatively related to anxiety, stress, and
depression.

The second category, external self-awareness (public self-awareness), means

understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed
above. Our research shows that people who know how others see them are more
skilled at showing empathy and taking others’ perspectives. For leaders who see
themselves as their employees do, their employees tend to have a better
relationship with them, feel more satisfied with them, and see them as more
effective in general.

Research on the Topic

This theory has been around for several decades, giving researchers plenty of time
to test its soundness. The depth of knowledge on self-awareness, its correlates, and
its benefits can provide us with a healthy foundation for enhancing self-awareness
in ourselves and others.

According to the theory, there are two primary outcomes of comparing ourselves
against our standards of correctness:
 1. We “pass,” or find alignment between ourselves and our standards.
2. We “fail,” or find a discrepancy between ourselves and our standards (Silvia
& Duval, 2001).

When we find a discrepancy between the two, we find ourselves with two choices:
to work toward reducing the discrepancy or avoid it entirely.

Self-awareness theory (and subsequent research) suggests that there are a couple of
different factors that influence how we choose to respond. Basically, it comes
down to how we think it will turn out. If we believe there’s little chance of actually
changing this discrepancy, we tend to avoid it. If we believe it’s likely that we can
improve our alignment with our standards of correctness, we take action.

Our actions will also depend on how much time and effort we believe that
realignment will take; the slower progress will be, the less likely we are to take on
the realignment efforts, especially if the perceived discrepancy between ourselves
and our standards is large (Silvia & Duval, 2001).

Essentially, this means that when faced with a significant discrepancy that will take
a lot of consistent and focused work, we often simply don’t bother and stick to
avoiding self-evaluation on this particular discrepancy.

Further, our level of self-awareness interacts with the likelihood of success in

realigning ourselves and our standards to determine how we think about the
outcome. When we are self-aware and believe there is a high chance of success, we
are generally quick to attribute that success or failure to our efforts.

Conversely, when we are self-aware but believe there is a low chance of success,
we tend to think that the outcome is more influenced by external factors than our
efforts (Silvia & Duval, 2001). Of course, sometimes our success in realignment
with our standards is driven in part by external factors, but we always have a role
to play in our successes and failures.

Interestingly, we also have some control over our standards, such that we may alter
our standards if we find that we don’t measure up to them (Dana, Lalwani, &
Duval, 1997).

This is more likely to happen if we’re focused more on the standards than on
ourselves; if we fail when we are focused on the standards more than our
performance, we are more likely to blame the standards and alter them to fit our
performance (Dana et al., 1997).
Although it may sound like merely shifting the blame to standards and, therefore,
letting yourself off the hook for a real discrepancy, there are many situations in
which the standards are overly strict. Therapists’ offices are filled with people who
hold themselves to impossibly high standards, effectively giving themselves no
chance of success when comparing themselves to their internal standards.

It’s clear from the research on self-awareness that it is an important factor in how
we think, feel, act, and react to our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

The Proven Benefits of Self-Awareness

Now, let’s shift our attention to research on the outcomes of being self-aware.

As you might imagine, there are many benefits to practicing self-awareness:

 It can make us more proactive, boost our acceptance, and encourage positive
self-development.

 Self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others,

practice self-control, work creatively and productively.
 It leads to better decision making (Ridley, Schutz, Glanz, & Weinstein,
1992).

 It can make us better at our jobs, better communicators in the workplace, and
enhance our self-confidence and job-related wellbeing (Sutton, Williams, &
Allinson, 2015).
 It gives us a greater ability to regulate our emotions
 It decreases stress
 It makes us happier

The Ways to Increase Your Self-Awareness

You can’t be a good leader without self-awareness.

It lies at the root of strong character, giving us the ability to lead with a sense of
purpose, authenticity, openness, and trust. It explains our successes and our
failures. And by giving us a better understanding of who we are, self-awareness
lets us better understand what we need most from other people, to complement our
own deficiencies in leadership.
The question, then, is how can we cultivate and develop it further. There are many
ways to do so. Below are the ways that I have found to work best:

Take personality and psychometric tests.

Take these personality and psychometric tests to help understand what traits you
have. Some popular tests that are aimed at increasing self-awareness include
the Myers-Briggs test and the Predictive Index.
There are no right or wrong answers to these tests. Instead, they compel
respondents to think about a set of traits or characteristics that closely describe
them relative to other people.

Write down your key plans and priorities. One of the best ways to increase self-
awareness is to write down what you want to do and track your progress. You can
also reflect on your standards themselves to see if they are good ones for you to
hold yourself to. You can try writing in a journal, talking out loud, or simply sitting
quietly and thinking, whatever helps you to reflect on yourself. In the
classic Harvard Business Review article, “Managing Oneself,” Peter Drucker
wrote, “Whenever you make a decision or take a key decision, write down what
you expect will happen. Nine or 12 months later, compare the results with what
you expected.” Drucker called this self-reflection process feedback analysis and
credited it to a 14th-century German theologian. He said it was the “only way to
discover your strengths.” Many successful people follow similar practices: Warren
Buffett, for example, has made it a habit for years to write down the reasons why
he is making an investment decision and later look back to see what went right or
wrong.

Have an objective vision of yourself.

Trying to see yourself as you really are can be a very difficult process, but if you
make the right efforts, getting to know your real self can be extremely rewarding.
When you are able to see yourself objectively, you can learn how to accept
yourself and find ways to improve yourself in the future.

 Try to identify your current understanding by writing out your

perceptions. This may be things that you think you are good at doing, or that
you need to improve. The key here is to understand what makes you tick, but
NOT worry about comparing yourself to others.
 Think about things you are proud of, or any accomplishments that really
stand out throughout your life.
Think about your childhood and what made you happy back then. What has
changed and what has remained the same? What are the reasons for the changes?

Ask trusted friends to describe you. None of us is altogether aware of how we

come across to others. We have to rely on the feedback of our peers, friends, and
mentors. To have your friends play the role of honest mirror, let them know when
you are seeking candid, critical, objective perspectives. Make your friend or
colleague feel safe to give you an informal, but direct and honest view. This can
mean saying something like, “Look, I am actually asking you as a friend, please
just be straight with me on this matter. Okay?“

Another strategy is to ask friends to call you out when you are doing a behavior
you already know you want to change. For instance, “Look, I know I am a ‘story-
topper’ who needs to one-up every conversation, but do me a favor and each time I
do that, let me know – preferably discreetly – so I can learn to stop.”

Ask for feedback at work.

In addition to consulting friends and family, use a more formal process at work to
get some feedback. If your company does not provide a structured way to do this,
try to implement one. Provided it is constructive and well done, having an option
for formalized feedback allows us to self-reflect on our own strengths and
weaknesses.
To have an effective formal feedback system at work, you need a proper process
and an effective manager. Once the feedback process is finished, it is important to
reflect on it by writing down your main takeaways. Write down any surprising
strengths and weaknesses that you did not realize you had before.

It will take quite some time to increase your self-awareness and get to know
yourself better. It can even take years and input from many people around you.
Building the necessary work habits to help you become more self-aware can
positively impact other aspects of your life.

Meditate. Yes, meditate. As most people know by now, meditation is the practice
of improving your moment-by-moment awareness. Most forms of meditation begin
with focusing on, and appreciating the simplicity of, inhaling and exhaling. But
these don’t need to be formal or ritualistic — greater clarity can also come from
regular moments of pause and reflection. During these meditations, you can also
ask a set of questions.

- What do I try to achieve?

- What do I do that works?

- What do I do that holds me back?

- What could I do to improve myself?

But the most frequent form of “meditation” I practice derives from carrying out
seemingly mundane tasks that inspire a degree of therapeutic serenity, including
washing dishes, working in my garden, and spending early Saturday mornings
writing in Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts as I wait for my son to be dismissed from
his drawing class. (Discussion here).

Walt Disney Method

Apart from being a legend in the film industry, Walt Disney (1901-1966) was a
creative mind and inventor with a broad strategic view on business. As a result,
Disney became the symbol of ‘the American dream’.
He built a successful business empire based on his creativity and great ideas. His
innovative method of working is still being emulated by many companies and is
known as the Walt Disney Method, further developed by Robert Dilts.
Walt Disney Method is about different perspectives

Walt Disney was a master at converting fantasies into reality. His most important
starting point regarding the Walt Disney method was to look at something from
different perspectives and include all these ideas in his final conclusion.

Whenever he had an idea for a film, he did not only think about how the film
would come across on the screen, he also examined ways to produce the film. Then
he would put himself in the critical shoes of the audience and adapt the film.
Finally, the film was ready for the public. The assessment from multiple
perspectives (Walt Disney Method) complemented each other well and resulted in
a blockbuster.
Walt Disney Method in practice

To successfully apply the Walt Disney Method, three places must be reserved
within the same room in which the role of ‘dreamer’, ‘realist’ and ‘critic’ can be
assumed in turn. In large brainstorming sessions three separate rooms can be used
in which the ‘dreamers’, ‘realists’ and ‘critics’ can discuss the ideas separately and
consecutively. Subsequently, the work will continue in three phases.

Phase 1

The objectives are looked at from the perspective of the dreamer. The creative and
visual thoughts that come up should not be hindered by reality and possible risks.
The Walt Disney Method is all about brainstorming power and the quantity of all
the ideas that have been submitted.

Phase 2

In this phase the possible ways to achieve the objective are looked at from the
perspective of the realist. This concerns the ability of making a dream a reality.
Limitations and possible risks should therefore not be seen as obstacles but as
challenges.

Phase 3
The critic’s perspective will be used to represent how the end user will experience
the plan or idea. Possible risks and gaps will be critically examined and changes
and areas of improvement will be submitted.

The ways of thinking (The Ericksonian Principles)

Dr. Milton Erickson, the namesake of Erickson Coaching International, was an

American psychiatrist working through the second half of the 20th Century. His
healing abilities were world famous and he was widely regarded as a wonder-
worker.

He was someone who took the time to carefully analyze his loving efforts and
systematically test them. He took the time to organize professional working
principles with Solution-Focused methods. Here was someone who turned love
into sustainable professionalism.

Milton created working games for impactful life changes. The results were that the
majority of his loving efforts not only landed powerfully, they created landslides of
value and results. He could find strategies to deliver transformational changes that
went far into people’s futures, and he did this both with his clients and later, with
his students. His work inspired many others to develop principles and habits that
could bring acts of loving kindness into their lives on a daily basis.

The Ericksonian Principles

The Five Ericksonian Principles are very important. With these principles, we
respect each individual that we work with as a resourceful, well-meaning human
being. We can learn to develop life and legacy games following the same
principles of coaching, showing love as professionalism. To do this, we use the
Erickson approach.

What are the Ericksonian principles?

1. People have real resources:

They have many more resources than they know!

Every person (including you) has all the necessary resources, both external
(money, connections, people and other material and informational resources) and
internal (experience, knowledge, skills, abilities, talents). Understanding this
principle will allow you to dismiss all possible "reasons" why you cannot become
the person you want to be at the moment, and will help you to work towards your
goals and be happy here and now.

2. Change is inevitable:

No matter how difficult, we learn, we grow, and we change. This principle says
that we should not resist any kind of change, because it is inevitable and
contributes to our development. Everything changes and we change. The other
thing is in which direction?

3. People do their best: They make their best choices each day with what they
know about life so far.

Looking back in time, there are many behaviours and decisions that we have made.
Often we judge these behaviours and decisions to be wrong. However, it is
important to accept that any decision we make is the very best one for that
particular situation and for us at that time. Therefore, we should not judge anyone.
According to the third principle, we draw conclusions and move forward without
having feelings of regret or resentment.

4. People are OK:

Human beings everywhere are basically okay!

Often we think of ourselves, our actions or other people as " not normal". This is
the reason why we stop working on ourselves, give up, or refuse to understand or
engage with the other person.

However, according to Erickson's first principle, we are all normal. And there is no
need to justify any difficulties, failures of life with our own oddities that came
from childhood traumas or our bitter life experiences. The same principle applies
to other people - they are OK, we are just unable or unwilling to understand them
at the moment.

5. Every person has a positive intention:

Even if a positive intention is hidden, it can quickly be found.
It is human nature that the purpose of any action is to do something good for
ourselves. Thus, people's deeds, even those that cause harm to others, do not
inherently carry a negative intent. The only thing is that people do not always
choose an environmentally friendly way of achieving a goal. But understanding
this will allow us to better understand the motive behind people' s behaviour and
find a common understanding with them.

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