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10 Signs You’re Dealing with an Empathic Narcissist

13 October 2023 by Carla Corelli

An empathic narcissist may sound like a contradiction in terms, but

unfortunately, they do exist. These individuals are very difficult to spot because
of their charm and charisma, but having a bit of knowledge about what to look for
can help you to recognize this type of person before you become too deeply
involved.

Here are 8 warning signs that you might be dealing with an empathic narcissist.
 Table of Contents

What is an Empathic Narcissist?

Empathic narcissists have the ability to comprehend and resonate with the
emotions and needs of others.

However, their intentions and actions often reflect manipulative tendencies rather
than genuine concern or altruism.

Empathic narcissists are skilled at portraying themselves as caring and

understanding individuals.

They have an uncanny knack for identifying what others want or need, and can
tailor their behavior to meet those expectations.

This allows them to build strong, seemingly compassionate relationships, often

making them appear as charismatic, attentive, and considerate individuals.
Despite this outward charm, there lies a darker side to empathic narcissists.

Their true intentions are usually self-serving, using their empathetic abilities not
to help or support others, but to manipulate and control.

They subtly exploit the emotions and vulnerabilities of others, turning their
empathy into a tool for personal gain.

While they may initially come across as supportive and understanding, the
empathic narcissist’s ultimate goal is to assert dominance and control.

This can lead to a destructive cycle where the narcissist continuously takes
advantage of others’ goodwill while maintaining their own inflated self-image.

An Empathic Narcissist Lacks Real Empathy

At the heart of an empathic narcissist’s character is a profound absence of

genuine empathy.

While they may expertly mimic the appearance of understanding and caring, this
is merely a superficial façade.

Beneath this veneer, there exists a pervasive disregard for the feelings and
perspectives of others.

Empathic narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation.

They skillfully project an image of sympathy and sensitivity, leading others to

believe they are deeply caring individuals.
However, their emotional responses are often calculated performances designed
to serve their own agenda.

Their ability to resonate with the emotions of others does not stem from genuine
compassion but rather from a desire to manipulate these emotions for personal
gain.

Whereas true empathy involves placing oneself in another’s shoes and genuinely
understanding their feelings, empathic narcissists lack this intrinsic connection.

They may be able to identify and mirror another person’s emotional state, but they
do not truly feel it or share in it.

Instead, they view emotions as tools to be wielded in their favor.

In essence, while empathic narcissists may demonstrate a convincing illusion of

empathy, they fundamentally lack the ability to genuinely care about the feelings
or thoughts of others.
This lack of real empathy is a cornerstone of their manipulative behavior, enabling
them to exploit others’ emotions whilst maintaining their own dominance and
self-importance

An Empathic Narcissist Always Seems to Know Exactly What You Need

or Want

Empathic narcissists often exhibit an uncanny ability to discern what others need
or want.

This adeptness at reading people can be so extraordinary that it feels as though

they possess a sixth sense.

They seem to grasp your desires, fears, and insecurities intuitively, often before
you’ve even articulated them yourself.

However, it’s crucial to understand that this apparent insightfulness does not
stem from genuine empathy or concern.
Instead, it is a calculated strategy employed by the empathic narcissist to
manipulate situations to their advantage.

By appearing to understand and cater to your needs, they subtly make you feel
obligated to them, thereby exerting their influence and power.

This ability to ‘read’ people and act upon their thoughts or emotions is a hallmark
of an empathic narcissist.

They may appear to be the perfect friend, partner, or confidante, always knowing
just what to say or do to make you feel good.

But beneath this caring façade lies a self-serving agenda.

Their actions are not motivated by a desire to make you happy but rather to keep
you dependent on them.
They create a dynamic where you begin to rely on their perceived understanding
and support, making it harder for you to recognize their manipulative tactics.

An Empathic Narcissist’s Show of Empathy Is Too Perfect

An empathic narcissist’s display of empathy can often seem impossibly perfect,

bordering on eerie.

They appear to grasp your emotions and thoughts with an uncanny precision,
even when you haven’t expressed them verbally.

However, while this might initially come across as genuine empathy or deep
understanding, it’s essential to recognize the manipulative underpinnings of such
behavior.

This seemingly flawless empathy isn’t rooted in genuine concern for you but is a
carefully constructed façade designed to serve their own needs.
Empathic narcissists are skilled emotional chameleons.

They use their apparent empathy to gather information about you, understanding
your desires, fears, and vulnerabilities.

They then use this knowledge not to support or comfort you, but to manipulate
and control you.

By appearing to understand and respond to your unspoken emotions, they subtly

gain power over you.

Empathic Narcissists Have Unhealthy Boundaries

Empathic narcissists often exhibit a marked disregard for personal boundaries,

resulting in interactions that are intrusive or overbearing.

Their understanding of where they end and others begin is often blurred or
entirely absent.
More than just failing to respect others’ boundaries, empathic narcissists actively
transgress them.

They will invade personal space, insist on unwelcome involvement in others’

affairs, or demand attention and emotional engagement without considering the
other person’s comfort or consent.

Empathic Narcissists Never Take Responsibility

Empathic narcissists exhibit a striking reluctance to take responsibility for their

actions or words.

They exist in a state of perpetual blamelessness, where it’s always someone

else’s fault when things go south.

This pattern of behavior extends beyond mere denial or avoidance.

Empathic narcissists often construct elaborate narratives where they are the
victims or the misunderstood heroes, and the problems they face are caused by
external factors or other people.

This allows them to sidestep any self-reflection or acknowledgment of their role

in the situation.

When things go wrong, instead of introspecting and recognizing areas for

improvement, empathic narcissists instinctively look outward.

They attribute their failures to circumstances beyond their control or lay the
blame squarely on the shoulders of others.

This deflection serves as a defense mechanism, shielding them from the

discomfort of admitting their mistakes or shortcomings.
An Empathic Narcissist is Superficially Charismatic

Empathic narcissists often have a surface-level charisma that is both captivating

and deceptive.

They possess an uncanny ability to charm and enthrall those around them, using
their allure as a tool to attract attention, admiration, and ultimately, control.

Their charismatic demeanor is not just about being likable or magnetic.

It’s a calculated strategy designed to manipulate others and orchestrate

situations to their advantage.

They can be enchantingly persuasive, making others feel special or valued, only
to exploit these feelings for their own gain.

This veneer of charisma can make empathic narcissists particularly dangerous.

Their charm acts as a smokescreen, concealing their self-serving motives and
making it easier for them to manipulate others.

They skillfully navigate social scenarios, always ensuring they’re at the center of
attention and admiration.

However, it’s crucial to remember that this charisma does not equate to genuine
care or good intentions.

Empathic narcissists may dazzle you with their charm, but beneath the surface,
their primary concern is their own needs and desires.

How to Protect Yourself from an Empathic Narcissist

Know the warning signs

Empathic narcissists often have grandiose ideas about themselves and come off
as overly charming, persuasive, and seductive. Be aware of these traits, as they
are usually just a façade meant to manipulate and control you.
Listen to your gut

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is when it comes to empathic

narcissists. Don’t be fooled by their smooth talking or seemingly compassionate
words – they likely have another agenda in mind.

Set boundaries

It’s important to set boundaries with any type of narcissist, but especially with
those who are empathic. Make sure your needs are being met and don’t let them
take advantage of you for their own gain.

Prioritize yourself

When dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, make sure that you
prioritize taking care of yourself first before anything else. Be conscious of the
time and energy you give others, so that you can save some for yourself as well.

Speak up
When necessary, don’t be afraid to speak up against any mistreatment or abuse
coming from an empathic narcissist in order to protect yourself from harm. Doing
so can help stop the behaviour in its tracks and will ultimately keep you safe in
the long run.

Final Thoughts on the Empathic Narcissist

Recognizing an empathic narcissist isn’t always easy.

However if we can recognise the signs that indicate that we might be dealing
with one, we can save ourselves from getting caught up in their toxic web before
it’s too late.

If any of these behaviours sound familiar, take some time away from the person
in question until you have had a chance to assess whether they truly care about
your wellbeing or whether they just want something from you.

Your mental health could depend on it.

Frequently Asked Questions about the Empathic Narcissist
What is an empathic narcissist?

An empathic narcissist, also known as a vulnerable narcissist or covert

narcissist, is an individual who possesses traits of both empathy and narcissism.
They may appear compassionate and caring on the surface, but still prioritize
their own needs and manipulate others to fulfill them.

How do empathic narcissists differ from other types of narcissists?

Empathic narcissists differ from other types of narcissists in that they often
present themselves as sensitive, kind, and understanding. While they may
possess some empathic qualities, they ultimately use these traits to manipulate
and control others for their own benefit.

Can empathic narcissists genuinely feel empathy?

Empathic narcissists can experience empathy to some extent, but it is often

selective and self-serving. They may genuinely understand and connect with
others’ emotions, but only when it aligns with their own needs or agenda.

What are some common behaviors of empathic narcissists?

Empathic narcissists often engage in behaviors such as playing the victim, using
guilt and manipulation to control others, seeking constant validation and
attention, deflecting criticism, and maintaining a façade of kindness while
pursuing their self-interests.

Posts About Types of Narcissists

The Five Types of Narcissist – Which One Are You Dealing With?
Understanding the Different Types of Narcissism
Narcissist – Covert – How to Recognize and Deal with a Covert Narcissist
Communal Narcissism Traits – The Intersection of Empathy and Egotism
Grandiose Narcissism: What It Is and How to Protect Yourself From It
Understanding Vulnerable Narcissism – Signs and Symptoms
What is a Narcissistic Sociopath?
Understanding Antagonistic Narcissism – Traits, Characteristics, and
Behaviours
10 Signs You’re Dealing with an Empathic Narcissist
Recognizing the Signs of a Malignant Narcissist – What You Need to Know
The Paradox of the Vulnerable Narcissist – When Empathy and Entitlement
Collide
The Cerebral Narcissist – The Intellectual Type of Narcissist
10 Signs You Might Be Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Types
The Dangers of Malignant Narcissism – Understanding the Traits and
Behaviours
When Narcissism Lurks Beneath the Surface – Uncovering the Vulnerable
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Breaking the Cycle – Overcoming Narcissistic Sociopath Abuse
The Collapsed Narcissist – The Devastating Effects of Public Humiliation
and Failure
The Cold Truth: Exploring the Mind of a Psychopathic Narcissist
Cerebral Narcissism – The Complex Psychology of the Intellectual
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How a Somatic Narcissist Uses Physical Attractiveness as a Weapon
The Cerebral Narcissist: Decoding the Mind of an Intellectual Manipulator
The Communal Narcissist – When Kindness Conceals Manipulation
Empathic Narcissism: Understanding the Paradox of the Empathetic
Narcissist
The Altruistic Narcissist: When Good Deeds Mask Selfish Intentions

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2 thoughts on “10 Signs You’re Dealing with an Empathic Narcissist”

SMB
22 November 2023 at 23:23

Thank you.
So much.
This may be the paradigm shift I needed so I can find the tools to have my
life back.

Sincerely,
Someone Who Needed To Find You

Reply

Carla Corelli
23 November 2023 at 07:52

I am so glad you found the post useful. Sometimes recognizing what you
are up against is the hardest part of the journey. Take care of yourself.

Reply
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About Carla

I was raised as the narcissistic family scapegoat and have experienced the pain of
narcissistic abuse first hand.
In this blog I share my personal journey of healing, offering support, encouragement, and
useful resources to survivors who like me, have experienced this insidious type of
psychological abuse.
More info about Carla.

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