COMMUNICATION

IN CONTEXT:
SCENARIOBUILDING

Dr Shailja Agarwal www.the-rheumatologist.org

 SESSION OBJECTIVES
• To understand context in
communication
• To understand techniques
of assertiveness
• To practice being assertive
• To practice 3 step method
Image courtesy: ukedchat.com
of being assertive
 Exercise-1
• Pet Care
Video Clip
STYLES OF COMMUNICATION

slideplayer.com
PASSIVE Giving in and saying “yes” when they don’t really want to. Not speaking up when they want
COMMUNICATION something. Acting this way in order to be liked, to be nice, or to not hurt the other person’s feelings.
Speech: lots of apologies and “ums” and “ers,” not coming to the point, saying nothing at all
Voice: soft, whining
Eyes: downcast or looking away
Posture: shoulders and head down, leaning for support, holding onto self
Hands: fidgety
Result: Usually don’t get what they want and feel being used.
AGGRESSIVE Trying to get your own way or stand up for yourself by putting someone else down or violating
COMMUNICATION that person’s rights. Taking what you want. Threatening or forcing a person to give you something.
Speech: “loaded” words (such as “always” and “never”), “you” messages (such as, “You are so…”),
put-down words, sarcasm, saying nothing while you take what you want
Voice: tense and loud or cold and quiet
Eyes: cold, staring, narrowed, angry
Posture: hands on hips, stiff, rigid
Hands: clenched, pointing finger, pounding fist, violent (shoving, grabbing, poking, etc.)

Result: Seem to get what they want, but may lose more in the end, stand the chance of losing
friends and self-respect.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Getting what they want through dishonesty. Saying one thing when they mean
COMMUNICATION another. Tricking or conning people into giving what they want.
Speech: baby talk, “poor me,” making excuses, giving insincere compliments
Voice: sweet or “con” tone, soft, angry, as per need
Eyes: downcast or looking away
Posture: leaning back, arms crossed, “too cool”
stance, stooped, holding onto self
Hands: fidgety
Result: They seem to get what they want, but may lose more in the end, stand the
chance of losing friends and self-respect. Their communication tends to leave other
people angry, confused and resentful.
Asking straightforwardly for things they want, without putting anyone down. Giving
people an honest “no” to things they don’t want. Willing to take “no” for an answer.
Not using other people and not letting themselves be used.
Speech: honest, direct and to the point, giving sincere compliments
Voice: smooth, flowing, firm, relaxed, loud enough to hear (but not too loud)
Eyes: direct eye contact (without staring), although in some cultures it is rude to
look right at a person
Posture: balanced, sitting or standing tall (but relaxed)
Hands: relaxed motions
Result: May not, at times, get what they want, but do keep their self-respect. May
not have control over how people react to their assertiveness, but it’s not their
intent to hurt anyone else’s feelings.
 ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUES
•
Example
Example
Example Situation
Situation
Situation
Fogging Imagine
“Whatthat
Sender: timeyoudoareyoureturning
call this? something
You're that is
faulty
“That tomeal
ahalf
store.
anThe
was conversation
practically mayup
inedible, go as
I can't
•
nearly hour late, I'm fed with
Broken Record follows.
remember
you lettingthe
“Iawful”
melastdowntimeallI ate
thesomething
bought these shoes last week and the heels
time.” so

•
Fogging response:
Negative Assertion have
“It“It
fallen
Receiver:
“Yes,
looks Ilike
wasn't
off. I would like a refund please.”
amthey've
later than
the best,been Iworn
exactly
hoped a lottoand
what
be these
didn’t
and I
you
•
can were
shoes see this
onlyhas annoyed
designed you.” wear.”
for occasional
Feeling Statements like about it?”
“Annoyed?
Stuck Of courseresponse:
Record technique I'm annoyed, I've
This is different from an aggressive response
“I been
have only had them
waiting a week
for ages. Youand theyshould
really are
(using ‘I’ at the that
faulty.
""Well
may
try toI would
have
think
that's
been:
like a refund
about
the last
other
time
please.”
people
I cook
a bit
for you“
“You cannot
more.” expect me to give you your money
beginning) Or
back aafter
passive-aggressive
Fogging
have
Stuck been:
Record
you've worn them
response:
response
technique response:
out.” that may

“The“Yes,
“I put I
heels was
so much
haveconcerned
effortoff
fallen that
theafter
entire you awould
afternoon
only week
and beI left
preparing
would waiting
that for almost
like ameal…did
refund nothalf
please.” evenan hour.”
watch my
“Well...
...favourite
and so on. why were youthat’s
sitcom…and late?” what you have
to say!”
 3 PART MESSAGE: MAKING
ASSERTIVE STATEMENTS
Use ‘I’ statements with the following template to communicate more
assertively:
1. How you feel:
I feel _____________,
Example: I feel frustrated because I have to wait
2. The situation:
I feel frustrated because I have to wait when you ______________.
Example: I feel frustrated because I have to wait when you arrive late.
3. What you would like to happen
I feel frustrated because I have to wait when you arrive late. Would/
could/ can you _________________________________?
Example: I feel frustrated because I have to wait when you arrive late.
Can I count on you to be on time tomorrow?”
 LET’S BE ASSERTIVE…
Template Reminder for feeling statements: I feel_______, when you
______. Could you ________
• Situation-1
• Situation-2
• Situation-3
 BECOMING ASSERTIVE
1. Decide when you want to be assertive
2. Use “I” messages
3. Consider using various techniques
4. Match ‘body language’ to what you’re
saying verbally
5. Review the situation
 GIVING AND
RECEIVING FEEDBACK

Dr Shailja Agarwal Source: smallbiztrends.com

 OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION
• To introduce fundamentals of giving and
receiving feedback
• To understand how to formulate feedback
• To understand how to receive feedback
• To practice giving feedback
 Exercise-2
Manager and subordinate Role Play

You have caught your employee, Arnab,

numerous times texting during work hours and
exceeding the number of breaks (s)he should be
taking. Other employees have been complaining
against this and have now started doing the
same. You need to contain this and decide to
initiate a conversation on this with Arnab .
 WHAT IS FEEDBACK?
• An interaction to enable somebody to do better or become better
• A skill necessary to leadership and team building

How to learn the skill:

• No matter, how much one has engaged in feedback process, it is
skill that can only be improved and refined through practice and
repetition.
• The fundamentals may seem elementary and simple in theory, but
they are far from simple to execute because more than often, while
giving and receiving feedback, we go back to our reflexes.
• In this session we will follow one fundamental approach to giving
and receiving feedback respectively, and practice the same through
the session.
 WHAT FEEDBACK IS NOT?
• Feedback is not to vent out or fix what you
believe is wrong with the other person.
• It is not an opportunity to tell a person a host
of his/ her shortfalls. It is rather a
constructive dialogue meant to enable the
receiver to improve on one or two aspects at a
given time.
• It is NOT about a person but is about an issue.
 PURPOSE OF FEEDBACK

• Repeat positive behavior

• Discontinue negative behavior
• Improve on shortfalls

Assumptions
• Feedback is more likely to be internalized when. . .
− Giver adopts the above intention
− Receiver assumes the giver has the above intention
Source: smallbiztrends.com
UNDERUTILIZED RESOURCE:
POSITIVE FEEDBACK: EXERCISE-1
(VOLUNTEER ACTIVITY)
• Reflect for 5 minutes on a positive feedback you might
want to give to the person sitting next to you. Turn to
this person sitting and share your positive feedback
about this person with this person.
• Do not provide any background, just say it.
• Do NOT describe what you would say. Actually say it.
Discussion:
A. What was good about this feedback?
B. How many specific observations were made?
C. How many generic observations were made?
D. Was it helpful to the recipient?
 GOOD FEEDBACK HABITS
• Give feedback often
• Cite specific, concrete data
• Focus on: specific behaviour impact
what you want the person to do differently
• Do not assume you are always right
• Ask questions
CHARACTERISTICS OF EFFECTIVE
FEEDBACK Specific and
objectively descriptive
Mnemonic: “SAY THIS” Constructing the About behavior that
Message can be changed
Yours – so own it
FEEDBACK
Timed Appropriately

Message
Habitually Two-way
Characteristics
Incremental
Supportive and
constructive
 FORMULATE YOUR FEEDBACK
Write down what you will say. . . .following 4 guidelines
1. Be Direct to the person and about that person

2. Identify Specific Behavior identify the behavior that generated your positive
regard for the outcome & person

3. State Impact/ what you would describe the outcome that the other person’s behavior
like the other person to do had – the experience or consequences it generated for
differently you or others

4. CAUTION beware: do not describe the person! Describe what

he/she did and the impact it had.
EXERCISE-2 (VOLUNTEER ACTIVITY):
POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Format:
“When you do/did [behavior], it has/had [this impact] on [me/the group/others], so I
just want to express my appreciation.”

• Reflect for 5 minutes on a positive feedback you might want to give to the person
sitting next to you. Turn to this person and share your positive feedback about this
person with this person.
• Do not provide any background, just say it.
 EXERCISE 3: DELIVERING
Format:
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
“When you do/did [behavior], it has/had [this impact] on [me/the group/others], so…
Step 1: Formulate the content of your feedback for your partner/ any participant of the class. (5 minutes)
• Identify concrete behavior that you observed (write it down)
• Describe the impact that behavior had (write it down)
• Do not describe the person
Step 2: Deliver the feedback
• Turn to your partner and provide a negative feedback on something
• The feedback should not be more than 3-4 sentences
QUICK SHOW OF HANDS:
– How many people heard generalities rather than specific behavior?
– How many people did not hear the impact that behavior had?
 EXAMPLES…
Don’t say this. . .
“It seems like you always shoot holes in
any of the proposed solutions that I
bring to you and you never take the time
to consider them.”
“You don’t do a very good job of
listening to me.”
Say this. . .
“Yesterday, when I proposed a new way to formulate budgets,
you cut me off mid-sentence and identified three reasons why
it would never work (specific behaviour). That makes me feel
as though you are not open and that you do not value my
effort and insight (impact).” I would be more comfortable if
you take time to consider my ideas (what you want the person
to do differently)
“I’d told you about our actual deadlines and client leads this
morning but at our meeting with the marketing reps, you
provided them with deadlines that were wrong and client
prospects different from the ones that we’re targeting (specific
behaviour). It makes me feel as though you do not listen to
me” (impact). It might help if you listen to be better (what
you want the person to do differently)
 POOR FEEDBACK HABITS

• Trying to improve too many aspects of performance

• Sweeping generalisations (e.g. You always show up late for
meetings)
• Judging the individual, not the behaviour (e.g. You are very
abrasive in meetings)
• Not owned (e.g. John said you are confused about the project
and your role.)
• Too late
• Too long (e.g. blah, blah, blah...)
• In public
RECEIVING FEEDBACK

kentblumberg.typepad.com
 YOUR BEHAVIOR WHILE
RECEIVING FEEDBACK
• Listen
• Clarify/ Probe
• Thank
• Think
• Change, if required
• Follow up
Source: www.jantoo.com

Do not argue/ justify and do not blame others

 OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION
• To introduce fundamentals of giving and
receiving feedback
• To understand how to formulate feedback
• To understand how to receive feedback
• To practice giving feedback
 SESSION OBJECTIVES
• To understand various styles
of communication
• To understand various
techniques of assertiveness
• To learn appropriate usage of
‘I’ statements in being
assertive
• To use the 3-part message in Image courtesy: ukedchat.com

assertive communication
• To practice experience being
assertive