The line chart below shows in the amount and type of fast food consumed by

Vietnamese teenagers from 1990 to 2015

The chart gives information about the consumption of three distinct of junk food by
youngsters of Vietnam which altered between 1990 and 2015. Overall, it is observed that
there was a significant change which consumed in three items of fast food. Pizza and Ice
cream rose dramatically over the period show while Fried chicken witnessed a decrease in
consumption of fast food. As can be seen the line graph, starting at about 10 times, the
consumption of Ice cream was a rapid increase to just over 80 in 2000. Similarity, the
number of times people eaten Pizza also climbed gradually from nearly 5 times to
approximately 30 times during 1990-2000. By contrast, fried chicken food had a slowed
decline by rougly 5% in the amount of times consumption in 2000. After by 2000, the
quantity of times consumption of ice cream has reached a peak at 100 before maintaining
this statistics in 2015, whereas, Pizza showed a considerable growth of more 50% this
period and it levelled of in 2015. With regard to fried chicken, it has been sharp cut down the
times of consumption on, reaching a low of 40 in 2015.

Task Achievement
Band Score: 6.0 Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the
task. It provides an overview of the main trends in the consumption of three types of fast
food by Vietnamese teenagers from 1990 to 2015. Key features, such as the increase in ice
cream and pizza consumption and the decrease in fried chicken consumption, are
presented, though some details are inaccurate or unclear. The essay lacks a full
development of the response, and some information could be more fully extended for a
comprehensive analysis.

How to improve:

Clarity and Accuracy: Ensure that details are accurate and clear. For instance, in the
sentence "Pizza showed a considerable growth of more 50% this period," it would be clearer
to specify the exact percentage and provide a more precise comparison.

Development of Ideas: Expand on the analysis by providing more detailed information. For
example, instead of stating "significant change," elaborate on the magnitude of the changes
in consumption for each type of fast food.

Grammar and Sentence Structure: Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
For instance, "Pizza showed a considerable growth of more 50% this period" could be
improved to "Pizza exhibited a substantial growth of over 50% during this period."

Overall, refining the accuracy of details, expanding on key points, and improving sentence
structure will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to describe the information presented in the chart
regarding the consumption of fast food items by Vietnamese teenagers. There is an overall
attempt at organization, starting with an introductory sentence and providing an overview of
the trends observed. However, the coherence and cohesion of the essay suffer due to
several issues. The progression of ideas lacks clarity, and there are inconsistencies in
language use, sentence structure, and the development of the trends. There are also issues
with referencing and logical sequencing, causing disruptions in the flow of information.

How to improve:

Structural Organization: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Each paragraph should focus on a specific trend or idea, following a logical sequence.

Language and Clarity: Work on sentence structure, grammar, and vocabulary to convey
ideas more clearly. Avoid inaccuracies and imprecise language.

Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between
sentences. Avoid overuse or underuse of connectors.

Referencing and Data Accuracy: Ensure accuracy in presenting data from the chart. Use
specific data points and refer to them consistently throughout the essay.

Paragraphing: Ensure logical paragraph breaks to organize ideas more coherently. Each
paragraph should focus on a distinct aspect or trend related to the fast food consumption
data.

Improving these aspects will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, allowing for
a more structured and understandable presentation of the information from the chart.

Lexical Resource
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, as the
writer uses a mix of words to describe the changes in fast food consumption. There is an
attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "considerable growth" and "sharp
cut down." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, as seen in
phrases like "considerable growth of more 50%" and "sharp cut down the times of
consumption on." Additionally, there are several grammatical errors, such as "which
consumed" instead of "which were consumed," and "while Fried chicken witnessed a
decrease in consumption of fast food" lacks clarity.

How to improve:

Enhance accuracy in word choice and collocation: Pay attention to proper usage and
combination of words, ensuring they convey precise meanings.

Improve grammatical structure: Work on constructing clear and grammatically correct

sentences to enhance overall coherence.

Use varied sentence structures: Introduce variety in sentence structures to enhance fluency
and flexibility in conveying ideas.

Proofread for errors: Prioritize proofreading to identify and correct spelling, grammar, and
word formation errors, minimizing any potential communication issues.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There
is an attempt to use a range of structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are
present throughout the essay. While communication is not severely hindered, these errors
do impact the overall clarity and precision of the language. The essay contains several
instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies that slightly affect the overall fluency and
coherence.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Work on incorporating more complex sentence structures to enhance

variety and fluency.

Grammar and Punctuation: Carefully review the use of grammar and punctuation to
minimize errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence
structure.

Vocabulary: Aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas with greater clarity
and sophistication.

Organization: Ensure that ideas are presented in a logical order, enhancing the overall
coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve the grammatical range and accuracy,
leading to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài chữa tham khảo

The provided line chart illustrates the consumption patterns of three distinct types of fast
food by Vietnamese youngsters from 1990 to 2015.

Overall, it is evident that significant fluctuations occurred in the consumption of these fast
food items. Both pizza and ice cream experienced substantial increases over the period,
while fried chicken witnessed a decline.

Initially, ice cream consumption began at around 10 times and rapidly surged to just over 80
by 2000. Similarly, the frequency of pizza consumption gradually rose from nearly 5 times to
approximately 30 times between 1990 and 2000. Conversely, the consumption of fried
chicken saw a gradual decrease of roughly 5% by the year 2000.

Post-2000, ice cream consumption peaked at 100 times before maintaining this level until
2015. In contrast, pizza consumption notably increased by over 50% during this period and
plateaued in 2015. As for fried chicken, its consumption sharply declined to a low of 40 times
in 2015.

Overall, the data indicates a substantial rise in ice cream and pizza consumption over the
years, whereas fried chicken experienced a considerable decrease in consumption among
Vietnamese teenagers from 1990 to 2015.