Mother

All these years, I have always wondered: why is my Mum too strict? Why is
my Mum always too worried? Why won’t she just let me be?

Those question may probably be the common ones asked by an only child,
who is given too much restrictions in life. In my case, my mother especially
denies me of joining friends in an outing, may it be in a swimming resort,
beach, or hiking. Once I told my Mum I’ll be hiking with my friends, and her
first response was: isn’t that place the one where teenagers were robbed and
killed? On another day, I told her I’d like to come with my class’s outing in a
resort, and her response, once again, was “I heard someone drowned in that
resort last week.” And of course, in both times, I wasn’t permitted to come. It
made me so frustrated and angry. I felt like I was being robbed of the freedom
of a youth. One day, I wasn’t able to hold my feelings back and finally
confronted her. I asked her why she is restricting me from experiencing all
these things, when all my friends can freely do whatever they want to do and
go wherever they want to go. I guessed she’d tell me that it’s because she
loves me, but I’m pretty sure my friends’ parents love them as much as my
mother loves me, but why are they allowed and am not? She answered me
and I didn’t quite understand it that time. She said “it’s because I worry too
much! (and yes, that comes with an exclamation mark) I worry alone whether
you’re safe! It would have been better if I have your father with me to tell me
everything’s going to be alright, but no! I worry alone!” I didn’t understand it
and thought it was not enough reason for all the restrictions given to me, and
we ended our conversation---confrontation rather, with her surrendering and
telling me that from now on I can do anything I want without asking her
permission. Well that didn’t apply though, since that’s impossible and she only
said that out of rage.

After weeks of contemplating her words, I realized her reason: fear. Fear of
losing the only reason that keeps her going. Fear of anything bad happening
to that person. Fear of losing her dear daughter. After realizing that, I started
to understand why I had to be an outcast from outside activities. I understood
the difference of the love my mother had for me from the love my friends’
parents have for them. To my mum, I am the only treasure, and the only
source of happiness God gave her in this cruel life. I should have known that
much before spouting out nonsense that only hurt both of us. Besides, she
lets me do things I want as long as she knows it wouldn’t hurt me. She would
let me go far places and other towns as long as it is academically related.
Through the years, she was the one who supported me when I felt like giving
up at school, and she told me what to do in times when I feel too frustrated to
decide for myself. I really am a lucky one for having her as my mother, and I
know a lot of my friends do not experience that.

One thing I learned in this life, which you may have heard repeatedly, is to
appreciate the blessings you have. Do not look for things you don’t have but
see the things you already have. It’s up to you if you’ll see I cup half full or half
empty, and I choose to be thankful that my cup is half full, not completely
empty.