Week Two Journal

Ashley Moore

National University

Intro to Interpersonal Comm

Melissa Vangsness

01/19/2024
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Personal Examples of Non listening

My first real-life situation to show an example of non-listening is my grandpa. He is the best example of

selective listening that anyone could have. He can tune in and out of any conversation. Typically, he is

sitting in his select spot on the couch and watching whatever he has on the television. On numerous

different occasions, he will pick up on pieces of a conversation, usually after something is said that

catches his attention but can easily tune right back out. He is my best example of selective listening but

to be more specific there was one time I was on the couch on the opposite side of the room from him

sitting next to my grandma and I was telling her about how something in my house had either broken or

wasn’t working. I was telling her that I wasn’t sure what to do to fix it. When I had begun to tell her, I did

notice that Grandpa was watching a football game that he appeared to be very interested in. After I

finished explaining to my grandma what had happened, I said, “Grandpa what do I do to see what’s

wrong or to fix it?” No response. I said, “Grandpa”, a little bit louder this time. He looks at me and says,

“What?” My grandma said, “Did you not hear anything she said?” Remember, not only are we all in the

living room together, but the room is not big, and the television is not very loud. He said, “No, what?”

So, I repeat everything. With selective listeners, I think it’s important to make sure you have their full

attention before you start talking and that they are making eye contact with you.

My next example will show pseudo listening. I admit I am guilty of this myself. Especially with my 9-year-

old daughter. She loves to talk about anything. Sometimes when I am doing other things while she is

talking I kind of just give her a “uh-huh” here and there, so she thinks I am listening. Well, I did this one

time, and she was trying to tell me about plans she had the following day after school. Letting me know

she wouldn’t be on the bus and what time she would instead be home, etc. I just said, “Uh-huh” and

continued to do what I had been doing. When the next day came, and she didn’t get off the bus, I

flipped. I was terrified something had happened; she never did this, especially not without me knowing
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ahead of time. I had no idea where she was. I called the school, and they told me that her after-school

dance group had extra practice that week in preparation for an upcoming performance. Then it clicked

and I could vaguely remember her saying something about practice and after school. I felt very guilty

and knew it was my fault. After this happened, I made a point to pay a little more attention to the kids

when they were talking.

Next I chose to describe an example of monopolizing. Prior to starting at National University, I had

attended a small college in the town where I live. In one of my accounting classes there was another

student that made this particular class more difficult. She was a female, late teens maybe early twenties.

Seemed a little preppy or at least upbeat, but wore glasses and took her studies seriously. Some of the

other students thought the girl was just a know it all and a ‘brown noser’. I had thought she was just

EXTREMELY interested in accounting. Either way, she would dominate the whole class period, speaking

as much, if not more, than the actual instructor. She chimed in with corrections and examples, without

being called on or raising a hand. No information that the instructor introduced was new to her, she

knew it all, and knew it better. She would answer any questions that were asked, either by the instructor

or a student. Countless times the instructor would attempt to redirect the conversation or continue with

the planned lesson plan. These strategies never worked for long. Looking back at the scenario now, I

suppose that the instructor should have spoken with her alone about the problem, and may have done

so just without success, I don’t know. I can’t really think of anything I could have done differently except

maybe speaking to her after class, alone and explaining how she was making it difficult to learn in this

class and asking her to try to bring it down a few notches.

Finally, I will describe an example of defensive listening. This particular example took place at my job. I

was an assistant manager at a gas station and had been working there for about 3 years when this

happened. It was around 10 in the morning and I had just walked into the building. The store manager,

my boss, was already there and a newer cashier was working the register. This cashier had been working
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with us for about a month. After clocking in and saying hello to everyone I grabbed the handheld and

started the truck order. While I’m scanning various items the manager stepped put of the office and

began talking about all the emails she had been reading from corporate and how they are about to start

changing a bunch of stuff. Somewhere in the conversation I made the comment about how much harder

my shift is when I open and the coolers aren’t stocked from the night before, this had happened to me

twice that week already. Apparently, both mornings I was referring to, the new cashier had closed the

previous night. I was not aware of this until she had an outburst immediately after I made the comment.

She started raising her voice and saying how she didn’t have enough time to do all the duties on the

night checklist. She worked herself up into a hostile rant and went on about her lack of training and how

her position is underpaid. When she was finally done she actually ended up walking out and quitting.

When I made the statement I was in no way being passive aggressive. If she had shared any of the

concerns with us that she was yelling about, most probably could have been resolved. But I think the

cashiers response is a good example of defensive listening. If I didn’t make the statement I had, I think it

would have been something else that set her off. Maybe the job was to much for her or maybe she

didn’t really want to work. Regardless, if she had communicated better with any of her managers, the

whole situation could have been avoided. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong by saying what I said, it

was true, and I was unaware she was the previous closer both times. Next time I suppose I can choose

my wording a little more carefully and take into consideration who could be listening.
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References

Wood, J. (2016). Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters (8th ed). Boston MA:

Cengage Learning.