Kate Gilmore

Mr.Smith

ELA

16 October 2023

Students should not live in fear.

School violence has been a persistent issue in America, and in recent years, the statistics

of gun violence rates have increased a disturbing amount for a handful of reasons such as gun

laws, mental health and school security (Gupta, 2023). Acts of violence, specifically in school

settings, are often a result of mirrored behavior, such as bullying or harassment (Ivanova, 2023).

This poses a concern for the safety and wellbeing of not only the students, but also the teachers.

How are we supposed to learn if we are in constant fear of falling victim to someone else's

outburst? This huge problem may be more simple to resolve than we previously thought. While

we may not understand what prompts a person to commit an act of violence, we can restrict their

ability to act on these impulses; If America's government strengthens its gun laws, we as a

country can move forward with more security in schools.

It's hard to believe anyone would intentionally hurt another individual, and unfortunately,

this problem seems to be a common occurrence in schools. Due to the abundance of school

violence in recent years, there has been lots of debate regarding children's safety when in school.

This consistent anxiety regarding our security in the educational setting can cause a huge

decrease in mental health stability, not to mention it can completely jeopardize our learning. In

recent years, it has been discovered that approximately 7% of children aged 3-17 experience

issues with anxiety annually as of 2023 . In contrast with 2008 where the rate of anxiety in

children was only around 5.12% (Goodwin, 2023). The majority blame for this anxiety can be
targeted at the increase of school violence since 2008. This rise in anxiety can also be partly the

cause of the COVID19 virus that has occurred from 2019-present day. A recent article by Chris

Curran titled: School kids are so violent coming out of the pandemic that they’re sending

teachers to the hospital, Curran exclaims that research discovered two out of three teachers

perceived more student misbehavior in 2021 than in 2019 (Curran, 2023). With the threat of

these violent situations coming from those in and out of the classroom, how are we supposed to

move forward with learning while still maintaining safety?

We must start by posing the question of: Why are guns being allowed into the hands of

irresponsible individuals in the first place? You wouldn’t trust a 5 year old to drive a car, they

aren’t qualified enough to handle that type of privilege and it would be dangerous. Guns are no

different, individuals who aren’t qualified to use guns safely shouldn’t have them at all. This idea

is posed in the article Why US gun laws get looser after mass shootings written by Ranjani

Chakraborty. Chakraborty reasons the cause of gun laws getting so loose due to the idea of

protection, like a domino effect, when one mass shooting occurs, civilians will buy a gun for

protection which then raises the rates of how many guns are out in the world (Chakraborty,

2022).

We need to move forward with a solution to these violent rates starting with the

most prevalent issue: Gun Violence (Rubin, 2023). By decreasing the amount of guns on the

street, we can reduce the risk of violence caused by a gun. If the laws regarding who is allowed

to own or carry a gun are strengthened we can keep guns out of irresponsible hands. For

example, Until January of this year, individuals in Massachusetts age 15 or older were entitled to

own a gun (Mass Gov., 2023). It's completely irrational to be able to carry a gun before being

able to drive a car. Those who should be given the opportunity to own any type of gun should be
limited to age 21 or older, with a genuine reason to have the firearm and qualifications stating

that those who own firearms will be completely responsible with them and if not they should be

confiscated permanently. This isn't a topic to be taken lightly, when police officers are sworn in,

they take an oath to protect and use their authority for good. The second amendment states that

individuals have the right to bear arms but the Bill Of Rights applies to those who chose to live

freely, meaning those who violate the constitutional laws should not be given the opportunities

presented in any of the amendments (The Constitution, amendment two). To simplify this, those

who are not worthy of respecting the laws established by our Country, should not be able to carry

or own any type of firearm. It is also important that those who need attention regarding their

mental health are able to receive it. If a significant cause of school violence is mental instability,

then we should be helping these students who need it. Possibly in school counseling, or school

therapists should be an option in all schools to ensure that kids feel heard and can have ideas to

cope with their emotions rather than using violent behavior to release them.

In conclusion, to move forward as a country, educational system, and civilization, we

must establish some ground to decrease these violence rates. I, as a high school student, but also

as a member of society, feel constantly uneasy at the idea of my education and safety being

compromised. School violence poses a significant threat to students and our community. To

ensure the safety of individuals in the school system, we must move forward immediately with

our efforts to bring school violence to an end once and for all.
 Kate,

Good job citing a variety of sources and discussing the anxiety which violence places

on Americans. Overall, an improvement can be made in editing for consistency. Your

claims and body paragraphs do not always seem directly related to your thesis, and as a

result, the essay as a whole feels somewhat inconsistent. Additionally, adding further details

in a paper like this will act to benefit the argument. Synthesis is another aspect that is not

necessarily evidence here. There are some instances, but it can be improved.

Works Cited

Anonymous - YouTube, 9 March 2019, https://powerpoetry.org/poems/one-bullet-two-kills.

Accessed 16 October 2023.

Chakraborty, Ranjani. “How mass shootings change US gun laws.” Vox, 28 July 2022,

https://www.vox.com/23283057/gun-laws-loosen-mass-shootings-texas. Accessed 16

October 2023.

“Gun ownership in Massachusetts.” Mass.gov,

https://www.mass.gov/info-details/gun-ownership-in-massachusetts. Accessed 16

October 2023.

Gupta, Sanjana. “School Violence: Types, Causes, Impact, and Prevention.” Verywell Mind, 4

April 2023,
 https://www.verywellmind.com/school-violence-types-causes-impact-and-prevention-521

6631. Accessed 16 October 2023.

Ivanova, Irina. “School kids are so violent coming out of the pandemic that they're sending

teachers to the hospital, but an expert says to resist 'get tough' approaches.” Fortune, 24

September 2023,

https://fortune.com/2023/09/24/why-high-school-students-violent-dangerous-pandemic-s

olutions-discipline/. Accessed 16 October 2023.

“Stuck.” Power Poetry, 23 February 2019, https://powerpoetry.org/poems/stuck-79. Accessed 16

October 2023.

“Trends in anxiety among adults in the United States, 2008–2018: Rapid increases among young

adults.” NCBI, 21 August 2020,

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7441973/. Accessed 16 October 2023.

“Understanding School Violence | Fact Sheet 2016.” CDC,

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/school_violence_fact_sheet-a.pdf. Accessed

16 October 2023.

Rubric

Skill Not Foundational Proficient Advanced

Yet
Identifies a topic Appears in first Thesis establishes a
paragraph complex claim

Thesis establishes a
topic and a claim

Thesis Comments:
 Includes three or Includes multiple Includes specific,
fewer sources pieces of evidence meaningful, and
(from 8-10 sources) well-chosen evidence
Some evidence that clearly relate to that relates to the
relates to the thesis the thesis thesis

Includes multiple Includes a wide variety

Evidence pieces of evidence in of evidence
each body paragraph (primary/secondary
sources, political
Includes multiple types cartoons, opinion
of evidence pieces, studies, poetry,
fiction/narrative, etc.)

Comments:

Summarizes Explains how evidence Explains well-selected

sources supports topic points of comparison
sentence of individual among sources and
paragraphs evidence and their
connection to the
Explains how evidence thesis
Analysis supports the thesis of
the essay Demonstrates use of
advanced vocabulary
and varies sentence
patterns; evidence of
distinct voice and style
in the writing

Comments:

Little connection Explains how the Clearly explains

between texts; texts/sources are relationships among
difficult for the related, though points texts (how they
reader to see how could be more selective confirm or challenge
the texts are related or better developed each other, build on
Synthesis each other, provide
Includes multiple differing perspectives,
sources in each body etc.)
paragraph
Utilizes a variety of
Utilizes transition transition words and
words and phrases phrases

Comments:

Some elements Heading is correctly No errors in MLA format

missing or some formatted
errors in MLA format
Pages are numbered

Most in-text citations

are correctly formatted

Works Cited: each

source entry is in correct
MLA MLA format
Format
Comments:

Shows evidence of Most quotes are All quotes are correctly

basic proofreading correctly integrated integrated

Follows essay Shows evidence of

Conventions
organization careful proofreading

Shows evidence of
proofreading

Comments: