Key: * means picture/new picture.

The road to passing my driving test.

Turning 17 in April 2014 I received driving lessons and a car. * It wasn’t anything flashy * but I was
over the moon with Nigel my Nissan *.

Currently, there is no hook to this story. Why should we bother reading further. Read the
rest of the story then add a ‘hook’ or some other suggestion of ‘mystery’/’tension’ /
drama etc.?

My friends * were all well on their way to passing * I decided to wait until exams were over.

After that stress came another, my first driving lesson.

*I was terrified, this, to me seemed a likely situation. My instructor was lovely * and helped me
remain calm throughout.

Post lesson I couldn’t stop smiling *. It was a big deal for me to be driving; I had an overwhelming
feeling of independence and growing up.

Eager to pass quickly so I could drive my car, * I began revising for my theory immediately.

Failing the first time and passing the second I was half way there. *

I booked my practical test in secret, only my mum and instructor knew *.

I felt that if I told friends and family * they’d expect a pass and was worried about being judged on
my performance had I failed.

The paragraph just above is key. Can you find a way to get across the emotions of worry
and judgment without ‘telling it’ so much? In what words can you get across the fear of
failure and judgement without actually saying that?
I could feel the pressure as the majority of people I knew had passed first time. *

Luckily I passed first time and with only 2 minors * now that was a cause for celebration *.

The writer just told us about the feelings of celebration. How can that be re-written to
show us the feelings instead?

Check through the whole story. Are there other places where you can re-script it for
showing not telling?