A Midsummer Night's Dream

Fall 2023 Novel Studies: Unit 2
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A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Modernized
Act 1,
Scene 1
Modern English:
[Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate, and Attendants]
Theseus
Beautiful Hippolyta, our wedding day fast approaches. In four days there
will be a new moon, but this moon is taking forever to wane. It’s like an
aging stepmother or widow, growing old and spending her husband’s
fortune before his heir can inherit it.
Hippolyta
These next four days will quickly turn into nights, and the next four nights
will pass quickly as we dream. Then the new crescent moon will appear in
the sky above our wedding night like a silver bow.
Theseus
Philostrate, go tell the young people of Athens to get ready to celebrate.
Make sure they’re lively and joyful. They should save their melancholy for
funerals—it’s not fitting for our celebration.
[Exit Philostrate]
Hippolyta, I pursued you in war and won your love by defeating you with
violence. But I will marry you in a different way: with a joyful, public
celebration.
[Enter Egeus, his daughter Hermia, her lover Lysander, and Demetrius, the man
Egeus wants Hermia to marry]
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Egeus
Greetings, Theseus, our celebrated duke.
Theseus
Thanks, Egeus. What’s going on with you?
Egeus
I’m very upset, and I’ve come here to seek your advice about my daughter
Hermia. Come forward, Demetrius. Theseus, I have given my permission
for this man, Demetrius, to marry my daughter. Come forward, Lysander.
But this man, Lysander, has seduced her. You, you, Lysander, have written
Hermia poems and exchanged romantic gifts with her. You’ve serenaded
her at her window at night, singing fake songs about your fake love. You’ve
infatuated her with bracelets made of your hair, rings, ornaments, trinkets,
knicknacks, baubles, bouquets, and treats, all of which are very persuasive to
my impressionable young daughter. You have stolen my daughter’s heart
with cunning, and you’ve changed her from an obedient daughter to a
stubborn, harsh one. Theseus, if she doesn’t consent to marry Demetrius
here in front of you, I hope you will allow me to exercise the ancient right
of Athens: since I am her father, I will rid myself of her, either by marrying
her off to Demetrius or sending her to her death according to the law.
Theseus
What do you have to say for yourself, Hermia? Listen carefully, beautiful
girl. You should treat your father like a god because you have inherited
your beauty from him. Indeed, to him you’re just a wax doll he has molded,
and he has the power to leave you as you are or disfigure you. Demetrius
would make a good husband.
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Hermia
So would Lysander.
Theseus
Lysander may be a good man, but he does not have your father’s
permission, so Demetrius is the better choice.
Hermia
I wish my father could see things from my perspective.
Theseus
You should see things from his perspective instead.
Hermia
Please forgive me, your grace. I don’t know what makes me bold enough to
say something so desperate to a person so powerful that it may hurt my
reputation for modesty, but I beg you to tell me — what’s the worst that will
happen to me if I refuse to marry Demetrius?
Theseus
You will either be put to death or give up the society of men forever by
becoming a nun. Think carefully, Hermia. Understand that you are young
and think about your passionate feelings. Think about whether or not you
could handle living as a nun, forever shut up in a cloister, living a celibate
life and singing weak songs to the cold, barren moon. Those who can
control their passions and choose such a life are blessed three times over.
But you’ll live a happier earthly life if you choose to marry. If you marry
Demetrius, you’ll be like a rose who’s picked and distilled into sweet
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perfume. If you choose to live as a nun, you’ll be like an unpicked rose who
withers away in celibacy.
Hermia
I would rather live and die as a nun than give up my virginity to Demetrius,
whom my soul cannot love.
Theseus
Take some time to think about it. Give me your answer by the next new
moon, which also happens to be my wedding day. On that day, you will
either be put to death for disobeying your father, marry Demetrius, or
choose to live as a poor, celibate nun forever.
Demetrius
Dear Hermia, please agree to marry me. And Lysander, give up your
ridiculous claim on Hermia so that I can claim what I am entitled to.
Lysander
Since you have Egeus’ love, Demetrius, why don’t you just marry him and
let me have Hermia?
Egeus
It’s true that Demetrius has my love, Lysander, and therefore he is entitled
to what is mine. Hermia is mine, and I give my right to her to Demetrius.
Lysander
Theseus, I am just as well born as Demetrius, and just as rich. I love Hermia
more than he does, and I have just as much wealth as he does — if not
more. And, most importantly, beautiful Hermia loves me. Why shouldn’t I
fight for her. Demetrius — I swear on my head — pursued Helena, Nedar’s

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daughter. He won her heart and now she’s madly in love with this fickle
man.
Theseus
I’ll admit, I did hear that, and I meant to speak to Demetrius about it. But I
was so busy with my own affairs that I forgot to. Demetrius and Egeus,
come with me; I have some advice I’d like to give you both in private.
Hermia, try to want what your father wants for you, or else you will be
subject to the law of Athens — which I will not change for you — and must
either die or become a nun. Come, Hippolyta. How are you, my love? Run
along, Demetrius and Egeus, I have something I need you to do before my
wedding, and I’d like to discuss something that concerns you both.
Egeus
We will follow you because we have to and because we want to.
[Exit all but Lysander and Hermia]

Lysander
How are you, my dear? Why is your cheek so pale? How is it that the roses
that were once there have faded so quickly?
Hermia
The roses in my cheeks have likely wilted because of a lack of rain, but I
could easily give them water with the storm of tears from my eyes.
Lysander
Oh no. Everything I’ve ever read or heard about in tales or history shows
that the road to true love is a bumpy one. Either it’s a difference in social
position —
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Hermia
How terrible to love someone beneath you in society.
Lysander
Or the lovers are different ages —
Hermia
How awful to be too old to marry a young person.
Lysander
Or else other people choose our lovers for us —
Hermia
How horrible to have others choose whom we love.
Lysander
Or if friends and family approve of the choice, love will be thwarted by war,
death, or illness, making love as momentary as a sound, as fleeting as a
shadow, as short as a dream, as brief as the lightning in the coal-black night,
which bursts brightly in the heavens and before a man can even say, “Look!”
is swallowed up by darkness again. That’s how fast love can be destroyed.
Hermia
If true love has always been thwarted in these ways, then it must be destiny.
We should have patience then, because our problem is typical for lovers —
as typical as thoughts, dreams, sighs, wishes, and tears.
Lysander
Good point. So listen, Hermia. I have a widowed aunt who has a lot of
money and no child to pass it down to. Her house is far outside of Athens,
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and she thinks of me like a son. We can get married there, and we’ll be free
of Athens’ harsh law. If you love me, then sneak out of your father’s house
tomorrow night and meet me in the woods three milesoutside of town —
the same place I once met you and Helena to celebrate May day. I’ll wait for
you there.
Hermia
Dear Lysander, I swear on Cupid’s strongest bow and his best, golden-
headed arrow, on the innocence of Venus’ doves, on that which binds lovers
together, and on the fire in which Queen Dido burned herself to death
when she discovered that her lover Aeneas had left her — I swear on all the
vows that men have ever broken (which far outnumber the vows that
women have even spoken), I will meet you in the wood tomorrow.
Lysander
Keep your promise, my love. Look, here comes Helena.
[Enter Helena]
Hermia
Hello, beautiful Helena. Where are you headed?
Helena
Did you call me beautiful? Please don’t say that. Demetrius loves your
beauty. How lucky to be as beautiful as you! Your eyes are guiding stars, and
your voice sounds more beautiful than a lark does to a shepherd in May.
Sickness is contagious — I wish beauty and approval were too. I’ve only
caught your words, Hermia. Before I go, I wish my ear would catch your
voice, my eye would catch your eye, and my tongue would catch your
tongue, so I could sound, look, and speak as you do. If I had the whole
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world, I’d give it all up if I could only appear as you do, so that I could have
Demetrius’ love. Teach me how to look like you, and teach me how to do
whatever it is that you’ve done to make Demetrius fall in love with you.
Hermia
I frown at him, but he still loves me.
Helena
I wish your frowns could teach my smiles their skill!
Hermia
I curse at him, but he still loves me.
Helena
I wish my prayers were as good at stirring love in Demetrius as your curses!
Hermia
The more I hate him, the more he follows me around.
Helena
The more I love him, the more he hates me.
Hermia
It’s not my fault he’s so foolish, Helena.
Helena
It is your beauty’s fault. I wish I had that fault!
Hermia
Don’t worry — he won’t see my face anymore. Lysander and I are planning
to elope. Before I met Lysander, Athens seemed like paradise. But Lysander
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is full of such lovable qualities that he has transformed heavenly Athens
into a hell.
Lysander
Helena, we’ll tell you our plans. Tomorrow night, when Phoebe, the moon
goddess, sees her face reflected in the water and turns dewdrops into pearls
on the grass — that time of night that still hides lovers’ escapes from others
— we will sneak out of the gates of Athens..
Hermia
And in the woods where you and I used to lie down and gossip on primrose
beds, Lysander and I are going to meet. And from there, we will turn away
from Athens and find new friends elsewhere. Goodbye, dear friend. Pray
for us, and good luck with Demetrius. Keep your promise, Lysander. We
must not see each other until midnight tomorrow.
Lysander
I will, my Hermia.
[Exit Hermia]
Goodbye, Helena. I hope Demetrius will love you as much as you love him.
[Exit Lysander]
Helena
How come some people are so much happier than others? Throughout
Athens, everyone agrees that I am just as beautiful as Hermia. But what does
that matter? Demetrius doesn’t think so. He refuses to admit what everyone
else knows already. He’s making a mistake, loving Hermia — and I, too, am
making a mistake, loving him. Love changes what’s low and worthless into
something beautiful and dignified. We love with our minds, not with our
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eyes, and that’s why we depict Cupid as blind in paintings. And when we
love, we don’t have any judgment, just as Cupid, who has wings, but no
sight, acts rashly and recklessly. We depict Cupid as a child because he
makes such bad, unwise choices. Just as mischievous boys make false vows,
so Cupid lies. Before Demetrius saw Hermia, he swore that he was mine.
But as soon as Hermia caught his eye, he broke those vows. I’ll go tell him
about Hermia’s plans to run away with Lysander. Then he’ll go after them.
If he’s grateful, it will cause me pain because I will have helped him pursue
Hermia. But from here on out, I will endure more pain if it means that I will
see him when he leaves and again when he returns.
[Exit Helena]
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Act 1
Scene 2
Modern English:
[Enter Quince the carpenter, Snug the woodworker, Bottom the weaver, Flute the
bellows-mender, Snout the pot-repairer, and Starveling the tailor]
Quince
Is everyone here?
Bottom
You should probably call everyone individually, according to your list.
Quince
I have here a list of every man who is considered in Athens to be a good
enough actor to join our play to entertain Theseus and Hippolyta on the
night of their wedding.
Bottom
First, Peter Quince tell us what the play is about, then read the names of the
actors, and then conclude.
Quince
Indeed. The play we will perform is The Saddest Comedy and Cruelest
Death of Pyramus and Thisbe.
Bottom
A very good play, for sure, and a happy one, too. Now, Peter Quince, call
each of the actors forward according to your list. Fellows, spread out around
him.
Quince
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Respond when you hear your name. Nick Bottom, the weaver?
Bottom
I’m ready. Tell me what part I will play, then go ahead.
Quince
You, Nick Bottom, are going to play Pyramus.
Bottom
What kind of a man is Pyramus? Is he a lover or a tyrant?
Quince
He is a lover, and he kills himself heroically for love.
Bottom
That will require me to cry in order to perform it well. If I accomplish that,
the audience should pay attention to their own eyes. I will make them cry
storms of tears. I will grieve immensely. Okay, onto the other roles. — But
my personality is best suited to play a tyrant. I could play Hercules very
well, or some other part that would require me to rant and rave and tear
everything apart.
The raging rocks
And shaking shocks
Shall break the locks
Of prison gates
And the sun
Will shine from afar
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And make or break
The foolish fates.
That was good. Now name the rest of the actors. — No, that performance I
just gave was more in the style of Hercules. A lover should be more
mournful.
Quince
Francis Flute, the bellows-mender?
Flute
I’m here, Peter Quince.
Quince
Flute, you will play Thisbe.
Flute
Who is Thisbe? A traveling knight?
Quince
Thisbe is the woman whom Pyramus loves.
Flute
No, please don’t make me play a woman. I am growing a beard.
Quince
That’s fine. You’ll wear a mask when you play Thisbe, and you must speak
as high and soft as you can.
Bottom
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If I can hide my face, let me play Thisbe, too. I’ll speak in a very high, soft
voice: “Thisne, Thisne!” — “Ah Pyramus, my love! I am Thisbe, your lady
love!”
Quince
No, no, you have to play Pyramus. And Flute, you have to play Thisbe.
Bottom
Fine. Go ahead.
Quince
Robin Starveling, the tailor?
Starveling
Right here, Peter Quince.
Quince
Robin Starveling, you will play Thisbe’s mother. Tom Snout, the tinker?
Snout
I’m here, Peter Quince.
Quince
You will play Pyramus’ father. I will play Thisbe’s father. Snug the joiner,
you will play the lion. And now I’ve finished assigning roles.
Snug
Do you have the lion’s part written down? If you do, can you please give it
to me? I’m a slow learner.
Quince
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You can improvise the role, because your only lines are roaring.
Bottom
Let me play the lion, too. I will roar so loud that the audience will all love it.
I will roar so well that the Duke will want me to roar again and again.
Quince
But if you do it too well, you’ll scare the Duchess and all the women so
much that they will shriek, and that would be the death of us all.
All
Indeed it would, every one of us.
Bottom
True, friends, if we scare the women out of their wits, they will have no
choice but to hang us. But I will change my voice so that I will roar as gently
as a dove. I will roar as if I were a nightingale.
Quince
You can only play Pyramus, because Pyramus is a sweet man, a proper man,
like one might see out and about in the summer, beautiful and gentlemanly.
That’s why you have to play Pyramus.
Bottom
Fine, I’ll play Pyramus. What beard should I wear to play him?
Quince
Whatever you want.
Bottom
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I will play the role in a yellow beard, an orange-brown beard, a purple-dyed
beard, or golden beard, like a French coin — the perfect yellow color.
Quince
But some French people are bald from syphilis, and then you’ll have to play
the role clean shaven. Okay everyone, here are your lines. Please learn them
by tomorrow night, and meet me in the woods a mile outside of town, by
moonlight. We will rehearse there, because if we meet in the city, people
will see us and figure out what we’re planning. Until then, I will write down
a list of props we’ll need for the play. Please don’t let me down.
Bottom
We’ll meet you there, and we will rehearse properly and diligently.
Everyone try to be perfect. Goodbye.
Quince
We’ll meet at the Duke’s oak.
Bottom
Enough. Keep your promise or quit the play altogether.
[Exit all.]
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ACT 2
Scene 1
Modern English:
[Enter, from opposite sides of the stage, a Fairy, and Robin (Puck)]
Robin (Puck)
How are you, fairy? Where are you going?
Fairy
I wander over hills and through valleys, through bushes and through
shrubs, over hunting grounds and over pastures, through flood and through
fire — faster than the moon orbits the earth. I serve the Fairy Queen
Titania, placing dew on her fairy circles in the grass. Her bodyguards are tall
cowslip flowers. You an see dark spots on their yellow petals; these are
rubies that are gifts from fairies. You can smell their perfume in those spots.
I’m here searching for dewdrops, so that I can hang them on the petals of
cowslips. Goodbye, you clown; I must go. Our Queen Titania and all her
elves are coming soon.
Robin (Puck)
The Fairy King, Oberon, will celebrate here tonight. Make sure he doesn’t
see the Queen, because Oberon is very angry that Titania has taken a young
boy from an Indian king to act as her attendant. She has never had such a
sweet child. Oberon is jealous, and wants the child to be his attendant and
roam the wild forests with him. But she refuses to turn the boy over to
Oberon. She gives the boy flower crowns and dotes on him. And now
Oberon and Titania fight every time they meet—whether it’s in the forest,
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the fields, by springs, or at night. They fight so much that all their fairies
hide in acorn cups.
Fairy
Unless I’ve mistaken you for someone else, you’re Robin Goodfellow, that
playful, mischievous spirit. Aren’t you the one who scares young women in
the village, stealing the cream off the top of the milk, breaking the hand
mill, and wearing out the housewives by preventing the milk they churn
from turning into butter? The one who leads people astray as they walk at
night, and then laughs at them? You work on behalf of those who call you
hobgoblin and sweet puck. Isn’t that you?
Robin (Puck)
You’re right. That’s me — a happy night wanderer. I joke with Oberon and
make him smile when I trick a fat old horse by neighing like a young foal.
Sometimes I lurk in the bowl of a gossipy old woman, and when she drinks
I bob up like an apple against her lips and make her spill beer all over her
wrinkled neck. A wise old woman telling sad stories sometimes thinks I’m a
tripod stool, and when I slip out from under her, she falls down, cries
“ouch!” and starts coughing. Then all the women put their hands on their
hips and laugh, and sneeze, and swear it’s the funniest thing that’s ever
happened. But make room, fairy. Oberon is coming.
Fairy
Titania is coming too. I wish Oberon weren’t here.
[Oberon and his fairies enter from one side, Titania and her fairies from the other]
Oberon
It’s not so great to see you, haughty Titania.
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Titania
What do you want, jealous Oberon? Fairies, let’sleave. I have sworn off
Oberon and I’ll never sleep with him.
Oberon
Wait a second, Titania. Aren’t I your lord?
Titania
Then I guess I’m your lady. But I know you’ve slipped away from fairyland,
pretended to be Corin the shepherd, and played love songs on corn pipes to
Phillida, the Thracian king’s daughter. Why have you come here from the
farthest mountains of India? The only reason is that your Amazonian
warrior mistress Hippolyta is getting married to Theseus, and you’ve come
to bless their marriage.
Oberon
Can you seriously criticize my relationship with Hippolyta when you love
Theseus? After he raped Perigouna, didn’t you lead him through the
glimmering night to cheat on his other women, Ariadne and Antiopa with
beautiful Aegles?
Titania
You’re just pretending to be jealous. Ever since the beginning of
midsummer, your fighting has disturbed my fairies whenever we meet to
dance in the hills, valleys, forests, or meadows, by rocky springs or rushing
streams, or on the sea shore. Those dances are for the wind, and because
you’ve disturbed us, we cannot answer the song of the wind. As revenge, the
wind has drawn fogs out of the sea, and when the fog falls on the land, it
makes the rivers overflow. You’ve made the oxen’s and farmer’s efforts
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pointless because the corn has rotted before the ears have developed their
husks. There are no sheep in the sheep pens in the flooded field, and the
crows fill themselves up by feasting on the carcasses of the dead sheep. The
playing fields are filled with mud, and there are no footprints in the grass
because no one walks there. The mortal humans haven’t experienced a
winter here, which means that their nights are not blessed with winter
hymns and carols. The moon, who influences the tides is pale with anger,
and fills the air with contagious diseases. All this disorder has altered the
seasons: red roses are covered in frost, and summer blossoms grow on
winter’s thin and icy crown, like a sick joke. Spring, summer, fruitful
autumn, and angry winter do not appear as they usually do, and the
confused world can’t figure out which is which. This all comes from our
arguments and disagreements. We have caused this.
Oberon
Fix it, then. The responsibility lies with you. Why should Titania cross her
Oberon? All I want is the changeling to be my attendant.
Titania
Stop being upset about this. You will not buy the child from me. His mother
was a devoted member of my order. We used to gossip together at night in
India, or sit together on the beach, watching the merchant sailors and
laughing to see the sails full of wind, looking like pregnant women. She was
pregnant with this child at the time, and imitated these ships, sailing over
the land to bring me trinkets. But she was mortal, and died in childbirth. So
it’s for her sake that I am raising her son. For her sake, I will not give him
up.
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Oberon
How long are you going to stay in this forest?
Titania
Possibly until after Theseus’ wedding day. Come with us, if you want to
dance with us and watch our moonlit celebrations. If not, leave me alone,
and I’ll leave you alone.
Oberon
Hand over the boy and I’ll go with you.
Titania
I wouldn’t do that even if you gave me your whole fairy kingdom. Fairies,
let’s go. We’ll fight if I stay any longer.
[Titania leaves with her fairies]

Oberon
Leave, then. You won’t leave this grove until I take revenge on you for the
insult of not handing over the boy. Gentle puck, come here. Do you
remember the time I sat on a promontory and heard a mermaid, who was
sitting on the back of a dolphin, sing a song that was so sweet that she
calmed the sea, and the stars came down to hear her?
Robin (Puck)
Yes, I remember.
Oberon
You couldn’t see it, but I saw Cupid that day, flying between the moon and
the earth, armed with his bow and arrow. He aimed at a beautiful virgin
who was sitting in the west, and fired his arrow so fast it could have pieced a
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hundred thousand hearts. But the moonbeams diverted the arrow, and the
vestal virgin, unhit, moved along, none the wiser. But I saw where the arrow
landed. It hit a white flower, which then turned purple from the wound.
The maidens call it “love-in-idleness.” Get that flower for me — I showed it
to you once. If you put the flower’s nectar on the eyelids of a sleeping
person, it will make them infatuated with the next living thing they see. Get
me that flower, and return before a whale can swim three miles.
Robin (Puck)
I’ll circle the earth in forty minutes.
[Exit Robin (Puck)]

Oberon
Once I have this nectar, I’ll watch Titania while she’s sleeping, and put some
of it on her eyelids. Then, when she wakes up, the next thing she sees —
whether it’s a lion, bear, wolf, bull, nosy monkey, or busy ape — will be the
object of her affections. And before I lift the spell (which I can do with
another herb), I’ll make her hand over the child to me. But who’s coming?
Since I am invisible, I can eavesdrop on their conversation.
[Enter Demetrius, with Helena following him]

Demetrius
I don’t love you, so don’t pursue me. Where are Lysander and beautiful
Hermia? I’ll kill Lysander and Hermia kills me with her rejection. You told
me they had escaped into this forest, and I’m going nuts because I cannot
find Hermia. So go away. Stop following me.
Helena
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You draw me like a magnet, but my heart is as true as steel. If you stop
attracting me, I won’t be attracted to you.
Demetrius
Am I leading you on? Am I speaking nicely to you? Or am I telling you as
clearly as possible that I do not love you and I cannot love you?
Helena
That only makes me love you more. I am your dog, and the more you beat
me, the more I’ll follow you. Treat me like you would treat your dog: shun
me, hit me, neglect me, set me loose — just let me, as unworthy as I am,
follow you. Is there a lower status — and yet a high status in my opinion —
than to be treated as your dog?
Demetrius
Don’t tempt my hatred. Looking at you makes me sick.
Helena
Not looking at you makes me sick.
Demetrius
You’ve hurt your reputation by fleeing the city, putting yourself in the
hands of a man who doesn’t love you, and trusting your virtue to a deserted,
shady place in the middle of the night.
Helena
Your virtue will save me, because when I look at you, it’s not night.
Therefore I don’t think it’s nighttime, and this forest isn’t deserted when
you’re here. How can I be alone when you, who are the whole world to me,
are here?
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Demetrius
I’ll run away and hide in the trees, abandoning you to be attacked by wild
beasts.
Helena
There’s no beast as cruel as you. Run, if you want. We’ll just switch around
the myth: Daphne will chase Apollo, instead of the other way around. The
dove will chase the griffin, and the deer will chase the tiger. Speed is
worthless when a coward chases a brave person who runs away.
Demetrius
I won’t stay and listen to this. Let me go. Or if you follow me, rest assured,
I’ll hurt you in this forest.
[Exit Demetrius]
Helena
You hurt me everywhere — in the temple, town, or field. Demetrius, you
harm my entire sex. We women can’t fight for love like men can. We’re
supposed to be pursued — not do the pursuing. I’ll keep following you.
Even if you kill me, that hell would be heavenly because I love you so
much.
[Exit Demetrius, with Helena following him]

Oberon
Good bye, dear. Before he leaves this forest, you’ll be fleeing him, and he’ll
be chasing you.
[Enter Robin (Puck)]
Do you have the flower? Welcome back.
Robin (Puck)
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Yes, here it is.
Oberon
Please hand it over. I know a place where wild thyme, oxslips, and violets
grow. It as a canopy of musk-roses and eglantine. That’s where Titania
sleeps, lulled to sleep by her fairies with dances and music. In this place a
snake sheds her skin, which is big enough for a fairy to wrap up in. I’ll drop
this flower nectar on Titania’s eyes and make her dream horrible dreams.
Take some of this nectar, Puck, and in this forest search for an Athenian
lady who is in unrequited love with a young man. Drop this nectar on his
eyes, but do it when you can be sure that the next thing he sees will be this
young woman. You’ll be able to tell it’s him because he’ll be wearing
Athenian clothes. Perform this duty carefully, so that he’ll be more in love
with her than she is with him. And then meet me before the first rooster
crow.
Robin (Puck)
Don’t worry, my lord. I’ll do it.
[Robin (Puck) and Oberon exit separately]
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Act 2
Scene 2
Modern English:
[Enter, from opposite sides of the stage, a Fairy, and Robin (Puck)]
Robin (Puck)
How are you, fairy? Where are you going?
Fairy
I wander over hills and through valleys, through bushes and through
shrubs, over hunting grounds and over pastures, through flood and through
fire — faster than the moon orbits the earth. I serve the Fairy Queen
Titania, placing dew on her fairy circles in the grass. Her bodyguards are tall
cowslip flowers. You an see dark spots on their yellow petals; these are
rubies that are gifts from fairies. You can smell their perfume in those spots.
I’m here searching for dewdrops, so that I can hang them on the petals of
cowslips. Goodbye, you clown; I must go. Our Queen Titania and all her
elves are coming soon.
Robin (Puck)
The Fairy King, Oberon, will celebrate here tonight. Make sure he doesn’t
see the Queen, because Oberon is very angry that Titania has taken a young
boy from an Indian king to act as her attendant. She has never had such a
sweet child. Oberon is jealous, and wants the child to be his attendant and
roam the wild forests with him. But she refuses to turn the boy over to
Oberon. She gives the boy flower crowns and dotes on him. And now
Oberon and Titania fight every time they meet—whether it’s in the forest,
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the fields, by springs, or at night. They fight so much that all their fairies
hide in acorn cups.
Fairy
Unless I’ve mistaken you for someone else, you’re Robin Goodfellow, that
playful, mischievous spirit. Aren’t you the one who scares young women in
the village, stealing the cream off the top of the milk, breaking the hand
mill, and wearing out the housewives by preventing the milk they churn
from turning into butter? The one who leads people astray as they walk at
night, and then laughs at them? You work on behalf of those who call you
hobgoblin and sweet puck. Isn’t that you?
Robin (Puck)
You’re right. That’s me — a happy night wanderer. I joke with Oberon and
make him smile when I trick a fat old horse by neighing like a young foal.
Sometimes I lurk in the bowl of a gossipy old woman, and when she drinks
I bob up like an apple against her lips and make her spill beer all over her
wrinkled neck. A wise old woman telling sad stories sometimes thinks I’m a
tripod stool, and when I slip out from under her, she falls down, cries
“ouch!” and starts coughing. Then all the women put their hands on their
hips and laugh, and sneeze, and swear it’s the funniest thing that’s ever
happened. But make room, fairy. Oberon is coming.
Fairy
Titania is coming too. I wish Oberon weren’t here.
[Oberon and his fairies enter from one side, Titania and her fairies from the other]
Oberon
It’s not so great to see you, haughty Titania.
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Titania
What do you want, jealous Oberon? Fairies, let’sleave. I have sworn off
Oberon and I’ll never sleep with him.
Oberon
Wait a second, Titania. Aren’t I your lord?
Titania
Then I guess I’m your lady. But I know you’ve slipped away from fairyland,
pretended to be Corin the shepherd, and played love songs on corn pipes to
Phillida, the Thracian king’s daughter. Why have you come here from the
farthest mountains of India? The only reason is that your Amazonian
warrior mistress Hippolyta is getting married to Theseus, and you’ve come
to bless their marriage.
Oberon
Can you seriously criticize my relationship with Hippolyta when you love
Theseus? After he raped Perigouna, didn’t you lead him through the
glimmering night to cheat on his other women, Ariadne and Antiopa with
beautiful Aegles?
Titania
You’re just pretending to be jealous. Ever since the beginning of
midsummer, your fighting has disturbed my fairies whenever we meet to
dance in the hills, valleys, forests, or meadows, by rocky springs or rushing
streams, or on the sea shore. Those dances are for the wind, and because
you’ve disturbed us, we cannot answer the song of the wind. As revenge, the
wind has drawn fogs out of the sea, and when the fog falls on the land, it
makes the rivers overflow. You’ve made the oxen’s and farmer’s efforts
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pointless because the corn has rotted before the ears have developed their
husks. There are no sheep in the sheep pens in the flooded field, and the
crows fill themselves up by feasting on the carcasses of the dead sheep. The
playing fields are filled with mud, and there are no footprints in the grass
because no one walks there. The mortal humans haven’t experienced a
winter here, which means that their nights are not blessed with winter
hymns and carols. The moon, who influences the tides is pale with anger,
and fills the air with contagious diseases. All this disorder has altered the
seasons: red roses are covered in frost, and summer blossoms grow on
winter’s thin and icy crown, like a sick joke. Spring, summer, fruitful
autumn, and angry winter do not appear as they usually do, and the
confused world can’t figure out which is which. This all comes from our
arguments and disagreements. We have caused this.
Oberon
Fix it, then. The responsibility lies with you. Why should Titania cross her
Oberon? All I want is the changeling to be my attendant.
Titania
Stop being upset about this. You will not buy the child from me. His mother
was a devoted member of my order. We used to gossip together at night in
India, or sit together on the beach, watching the merchant sailors and
laughing to see the sails full of wind, looking like pregnant women. She was
pregnant with this child at the time, and imitated these ships, sailing over
the land to bring me trinkets. But she was mortal, and died in childbirth. So
it’s for her sake that I am raising her son. For her sake, I will not give him
up.
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Oberon
How long are you going to stay in this forest?
Titania
Possibly until after Theseus’ wedding day. Come with us, if you want to
dance with us and watch our moonlit celebrations. If not, leave me alone,
and I’ll leave you alone.
Oberon
Hand over the boy and I’ll go with you.
Titania
I wouldn’t do that even if you gave me your whole fairy kingdom. Fairies,
let’s go. We’ll fight if I stay any longer.
[Titania leaves with her fairies]

Oberon
Leave, then. You won’t leave this grove until I take revenge on you for the
insult of not handing over the boy. Gentle puck, come here. Do you
remember the time I sat on a promontory and heard a mermaid, who was
sitting on the back of a dolphin, sing a song that was so sweet that she
calmed the sea, and the stars came down to hear her?
Robin (Puck)
Yes, I remember.
Oberon
You couldn’t see it, but I saw Cupid that day, flying between the moon and
the earth, armed with his bow and arrow. He aimed at a beautiful virgin
who was sitting in the west, and fired his arrow so fast it could have pieced a
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hundred thousand hearts. But the moonbeams diverted the arrow, and the
vestal virgin, unhit, moved along, none the wiser. But I saw where the arrow
landed. It hit a white flower, which then turned purple from the wound.
The maidens call it “love-in-idleness.” Get that flower for me — I showed it
to you once. If you put the flower’s nectar on the eyelids of a sleeping
person, it will make them infatuated with the next living thing they see. Get
me that flower, and return before a whale can swim three miles.
Robin (Puck)
I’ll circle the earth in forty minutes.
[Exit Robin (Puck)]

Oberon
Once I have this nectar, I’ll watch Titania while she’s sleeping, and put some
of it on her eyelids. Then, when she wakes up, the next thing she sees —
whether it’s a lion, bear, wolf, bull, nosy monkey, or busy ape — will be the
object of her affections. And before I lift the spell (which I can do with
another herb), I’ll make her hand over the child to me. But who’s coming?
Since I am invisible, I can eavesdrop on their conversation.
[Enter Demetrius, with Helena following him]

Demetrius
I don’t love you, so don’t pursue me. Where are Lysander and beautiful
Hermia? I’ll kill Lysander and Hermia kills me with her rejection. You told
me they had escaped into this forest, and I’m going nuts because I cannot
find Hermia. So go away. Stop following me.
Helena
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You draw me like a magnet, but my heart is as true as steel. If you stop
attracting me, I won’t be attracted to you.
Demetrius
Am I leading you on? Am I speaking nicely to you? Or am I telling you as
clearly as possible that I do not love you and I cannot love you?
Helena
That only makes me love you more. I am your dog, and the more you beat
me, the more I’ll follow you. Treat me like you would treat your dog: shun
me, hit me, neglect me, set me loose — just let me, as unworthy as I am,
follow you. Is there a lower status — and yet a high status in my opinion —
than to be treated as your dog?
Demetrius
Don’t tempt my hatred. Looking at you makes me sick.
Helena
Not looking at you makes me sick.
Demetrius
You’ve hurt your reputation by fleeing the city, putting yourself in the
hands of a man who doesn’t love you, and trusting your virtue to a deserted,
shady place in the middle of the night.
Helena
Your virtue will save me, because when I look at you, it’s not night.
Therefore I don’t think it’s nighttime, and this forest isn’t deserted when
you’re here. How can I be alone when you, who are the whole world to me,
are here?
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Demetrius
I’ll run away and hide in the trees, abandoning you to be attacked by wild
beasts.
Helena
There’s no beast as cruel as you. Run, if you want. We’ll just switch around
the myth: Daphne will chase Apollo, instead of the other way around. The
dove will chase the griffin, and the deer will chase the tiger. Speed is
worthless when a coward chases a brave person who runs away.
Demetrius
I won’t stay and listen to this. Let me go. Or if you follow me, rest assured,
I’ll hurt you in this forest.
[Exit Demetrius]
Helena
You hurt me everywhere — in the temple, town, or field. Demetrius, you
harm my entire sex. We women can’t fight for love like men can. We’re
supposed to be pursued — not do the pursuing. I’ll keep following you.
Even if you kill me, that hell would be heavenly because I love you so
much.
[Exit Demetrius, with Helena following him]

Oberon
Good bye, dear. Before he leaves this forest, you’ll be fleeing him, and he’ll
be chasing you.
Do you have the flower? Welcome back.
Robin (Puck)
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Yes, here it is.
Oberon
Please hand it over. I know a place where wild thyme, oxslips, and violets
grow. It as a canopy of musk-roses and eglantine. That’s where Titania
sleeps, lulled to sleep by her fairies with dances and music. In this place a
snake sheds her skin, which is big enough for a fairy to wrap up in. I’ll drop
this flower nectar on Titania’s eyes and make her dream horrible dreams.
Take some of this nectar, Puck, and in this forest search for an Athenian
lady who is in unrequited love with a young man. Drop this nectar on his
eyes, but do it when you can be sure that the next thing he sees will be this
young woman. You’ll be able to tell it’s him because he’ll be wearing
Athenian clothes. Perform this duty carefully, so that he’ll be more in love
with her than she is with him. And then meet me before the first rooster
crow.
Robin (Puck)
Don’t worry, my lord. I’ll do it.
[Robin (Puck) and Oberon exit separately]
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Act 3
Scene 1
Modern English:
[Enter Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute, Snout, and Starveling]
Bottom
Is everyone here?
Quince
Right on time. This is the perfect place for our rehearsal. This grass here
will be our stage, and this stand of trees will be backstage, and we’ll rehearse
the play just as we plan to perform it for the Duke.
Bottom
Peter Quince?
Quince
What is it, Bottom, my good friend?
Bottom
There are some parts of Pyramus and Thisbe that just won’t work. First,
Pyramus has to draw a sword to kill himself, and the ladies in the audience
won’t like it. What do you think we should do about that?
Snout
Indeed, that’s definitely a problem.
Starveling
I think we should take out all the parts with killing
Bottom
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No, no, no. I know how we can fix this. Write a prologue for me to perform,
and make sure it says that we won’t hurt anyone with our swords, and that
Pyramus is not really killed. To assure them even more, tell them that I am
not really Pyramus — I’m Bottom the weaver. This will get rid of their
fears.
Quince
Good. We’ll have a prologue, and we’ll write it in common meter.
Bottom
No, give each line two more syllables. Write it in tetrameter.
Snout
Won’t the ladies also be afraid of the lion?
Starveling
I’m afraid of it, that’s for sure.
Bottom
Think about it, gentlemen. If we — God help us — put a lion onstage in

front of a bunch of ladies, it would be terrible. There’s no scarier animal
than a lion, so we should figure something out.
Snout
Another prologue could tell everyone that he’s not really a lion.
Bottom
No, you should tell everyone his name, and make it so that the audience can
see half of Snug’s face through the lion’s neck. And then he should say
something like “ladies,” or “beautiful ladies, I would wish you,” or “I would
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request you,” or “I would ask you not to be afraid, not to tremble in fear.
Your lives are worth as much to me as my own life. And if you think I’ve
come here as a real lion, I’d be risking my life. No, I am not a lion. I’m a
man just like all other men.” That’s it. Let him say his name and tell
everyone clearly that he’s Snug the joiner.
Quince
Good, that’s settled. But there are two other tricky parts of the play: one is
that we need to have the moon shine in the room, because, as you know,
Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight.
Snug
Will the moon be shining the night that we perform the play?
Bottom
We need a calendar, a calendar. Look in the almanac, and see when the
moon will be shining.
[Enter Robin (Puck), invisible]

Quince
[Consulting an almanac] Yes, the moon will be shining that night.
Bottom
Okay, then we can leave the window of the great chamber open, and the
moon will shine through.
Quince
Yes, or someone could come in holding a bush of thorns and a lantern and
say that he’s there to represent moonshine. But there’s another problem: we
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need a wall on stage, because the story says that Pyramus and Thisbe talk
through a hole in a wall.
Snout
We can’t possibly bring in a wall. Any ideas, Bottom?
Bottom
One of us must perform Wall. Make sure he has plaster, or loam, or lime
with him to represent the wall, and he can hold his fingers like this, and
Pyramus and Thisbe can whisper through his fingers.
Quince
If we do that, then problem solved. Come sit down, all of you, and rehearse
your parts. Pyramus, you go first. When you’re done with your speech, go
into the trees. Everyone follow your cues.
Robin
What country bumpkins are these, so close to where the Fairy Queen is
sleeping. Are they rehearsing a play? I’ll be the audience — an actor, too, if
the occasion calls for it.
Quince
Say your lines, Pyramus. Thisbe, stand here.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
Thisbe, the flowers with sweet, odious scents
Quince
Odious? Odorous!
Bottom-as-Pyramus
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Sweet, odorous scents. Your breath has such sweet scents, dearest Thisbe.
But wait, I hear a voice. Wait here a minute, and I’ll come right back.
[Exit Bottom]
Robin (Puck)
[Aside] This is the weirdest Pyramus I’ve ever seen.
[Exit Robin (Puck)]

Flute
Is it my cue?
Quince
Yes, it is. You’re supposed to look like you’re just waiting for him to
investigate a noise he heard. He’s coming right back.
Flute-as-Thisbe
Luminous Pyramus, you are as white as the lily, as red as the rose on the
thorny bush. You’re a lively youth, a lovely jewel. You’re as steadfast as a
horse that never tires. I’ll meet you, Pyramus, at Ninny’s tomb.
Quince
“Ninus’ tomb,” man! But don’t say that part yet — that’s what you say in
response to Pyramus. You’re speaking all of your part at once, including the
cues. Pyramus, enter. You missed your cue; it’s “never tire.’
Flute
[As Thisbe] As steadfast as a horse that never tires.
[Enter Robin (Puck) and Bottom with the ass-head]

Bottom-as-Pyramus
If I were handsome, Thisbe, I’d still love only you.
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Quince
A hideous monster! We are haunted! Please, men, run for your lives! Help!
[Exit Quince, Flute, Snout, Snug, Starveling, and Bottom]

Robin (Puck)
I’ll follow you, and I’ll lead you around in circles, through bog, through
shrubs, through trees, through bushes. Sometimes I’ll appear as a horse,
sometimes as a dog, or a hog, or a headless bear, or even as fire. I’ll neigh,
bark, grunt, roar, and burn, like horse, dog, job, bear, or fire everywhere I
go.
[Exit Robin (Puck). Enter Bottom again, with the ass-head]

Bottom
Why are they running away from me? They’re playing some trick on me,
trying to make me afraid.
[Enter Snout]
Snout
You’ve changed, Bottom. What is that on your head?
Bottom
What do you see there? I’ll tell you — you see nothing but yourself, being an
ass.
[Exit Snout. Enter Quince]

Quince
Bless you, poor Bottom. God help you. Your appearance has changed.
[Exit Quince]
Bottom
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I know what they’re up to. They’re trying to make a fool of me, to frighten
me. But I won’t run away, no matter what they do. I’ll walk around, and I’ll
sing so that they can hear I’m not afraid.
[Sings] The blackbird
with orange-brown bill,
the thrush with his beautiful song,
the wren with his small voice.
Titania
[Waking] Who is this angel who wakes me up from sleeping in my bed of
flowers?
Bottom
[Sings] The finch, the sparrow, and the lark,
the grey cuckoo with his simple sound,
whom many men hear
and are too afraid to say no to —
Who would talk to such a stupid bird anyway? Who would call the bird a
liar, even if the bird calls the man a cuckold?
Titania
Please, gentleman, sing again. My ear loves your voice, and my eye loves
your appearance. Your beautiful qualities move me to swear that I have
fallen in love with you at first sight.
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Bottom
I think, madam, there’s no reason for that. But to be honest, reason and love
aren’t seen together much these days. It’s really a shame that honest people
don’t put them together more often. But I’m just kidding around.
Titania
You are as wise as you are beautiful.
Bottom
No, no, that’s not true. But if I were smart enough to find my way out of this
forest, that would be smart enough for me.
Titania
Please don’t leave these woods. You must stay here, whether you want to or
not. I’m not your average fairy. The summer is ruled by me, and I love you.
So you must go with me. I’ll give you fairies to wait on you, and they’ll
bring you jewels from the deep ocean, and sing you to sleep on beds of
flowers. I will transform your mortal body into that of fairy, lighter than air.
Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mote, and Mustardseed!
[Enter four fairies: Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mote, and Mustardseed]

Peaseblossom
I’m ready.
Cobweb
Me too.
Mote
Me too.
Mustardseed
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Me too.
All
What would you like us to do?
Titania
Be kind and courteous to this gentleman. Follow him around and dance for
him. Feed him apricots and blackberries, grapes, green figs, and mulberries.
Steal honey from the bumblebees, and make candles with their wax. Light
these candles with glowworms, so that my love can have light at bedtime
and when he wakes up. Take the wings off of colorful butterflies and make
them into fans to brush the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes. Bow to
him, and treat him well, elves.
Peaseblossom
Hail, human.
Cobweb
Hail.
Mote
Hail.
Mustardseed
Hail.
Bottom
Pardon me, sirs. What is your name, sir?
Cobweb
Cobweb.
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Bottom
I would love to get to know you better, good Master Cobweb. If I cut my
finger, I’ll ask for your help. And your name, good sir?
Peaseblossom
Peaseblossom.
Bottom
Please send my regards to your mother, Squash, and to your father, Pea
Pod. Good Master Peaseblossom, I look forward to getting to know you, too.
And what is your name, please, sir?
Mustardseed
Mustardseed.
Bottom
Good Master Mustardseed, I am familiar with your suffering. Many of your
family members have been devoured as seasoning on sides of beef. I swear,
your kindred have made my eyes water many times. I’m pleased to make
your acquaintance, good Master Mustardseed.
Titania
[To the fairies] Wait on him, and lead him to my bed. I think the moon looks
down upon us with tears in her eyes, weeping her dewdrops onto every
flower, sad that some are forced to be chaste. Tie up my love’s tongue to
prevent him from talking. Bring him silently.
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Act 3
Scene 2
Modern English:
[Enter Oberon]
Oberon
I wonder if Titania has woken up yet, and I wonder what she first saw — the
thing she must have fallen deeply in love with.
Here comes my messenger. How are you, crazy fairy? What mischief are
you up to in this haunted forest tonight?
Robin (Puck)
Queen Titania has fallen in love with a monster. Near to her sacred sleeping
place, while she was asleep, a crew of clowns — lower-class tradesmen who
work for their money in Athenian stalls — were meeting to rehearse a play
they’ll perform on Theseus’ wedding day. The most foolish one of their
group, who is playing Pyramus, left in the middle of a scene and entered the
trees. When I came upon him there, I placed an ass’s head on his. Soon
enough, he had to re-enter the rehearsal, to answer Thisbe. When his fellow
actors saw him, they all ran away like wild geese or jackdaws who take flight
after hearing a gunshot. As soon as they saw him, they all ran away just like
that, and when one of them heard my footsteps, he cried “Murder” and
screamed for help from Athens. They were so senseless with fear that they
became afraid of inanimate objects, like the bushes and thorns that caught
on their clothes and pulled at their sleeves and hats. I spurred them on, and
left poor Pyramus alone, utterly changed. That’s when Titania woke up and
immediately fell in love with an ass.
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Oberon
This is all going even better than I planned. But have you dropped the
nectar on the Athenian’s eyes, like I told you to?
Robin (Puck)
Yes, I did it while he was sleeping — so that’s done too — and I did it while
he was sleeping near the Athenian woman, so that when he wakes up, she’ll
be the first thing he sees.
[Enter Hermia and Demetrius]

Oberon
Stay close. This is the right man.
Robin (Puck)
This is the woman, but this isn’t the right man.
[Robin and Oberon step aside]

Demetrius
Why do you reject the man who loves you? You should reserve such cruel
words for your worst enemy.
Hermia
Now, I’m gently scolding you, but I should be even more abusive. I’m afraid
you’ve given me a reason to curse you. If you killed Lysander in his sleep,
you’re up to your ankles in blood, and you might as well kill me
too. Lysander was more faithful to me than the sun is to the day. Would he
have run away from me while I was sleeping? I’ll believe that as soon as
someone digs a hole in the earth so huge that the moon can sneak through
the center and move the tides on the other side of the world. You must have
killed him — you have the look of a murderer, so deathly and so grim.
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Demetrius
That’s how murder victims look, too, and that’s how I should look, since
you’ve stabbed me in the heart with your meanness. But you, who are the
murderer, look as bright and clear as the planet Venus in the night sky.
Hermia
None of this matters with Lysander gone. Where is he? Please bring him to
me, Demetrius.
Demetrius
I’d rather give his dead body to my dogs.
Hermia
Go away, you dog! Go away you mongrel. You’re really testing my patience.
Just tell me if you’ve killed him. If that’s the case, you can never be
considered a man. For once, just tell the truth, for my sake. Did you dare to
look at him when he was awake? And did you kill him while he was
sleeping? How brave! You’ve done nothing a worm or a viper couldn’t do.
Maybe a viper did do it, because there’s never been a more two-faced snake
than you.
Demetrius
Your anger is misdirected. I’m not guilty of killing Lysander. He’s not even
dead, as far as I can tell.
Hermia
Please tell me he’s okay.
Demetrius
If I did, what would you give me?
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Hermia
The privilege of never seeing me again. So I’m leaving. Never seek me
again, whether or not he’s dead.
[Exit Hermia]
Demetrius
It’s no use following her when she’s this mad, so I’ll stay here for a while.
The weight of sorrow grows even heavier because I owe a debt of sleep. I’ll
pay that debt off now, and sleep here a bit.
[He lies down and sleeps]

Oberon
[To Robin (Puck)] What have you done? You’ve made a huge mistake: you
put the love potion on some other man who was truly in love with this
woman. As a result of your error, a true love has gone bad, instead of
turning this man’s false love true.
Robin (Puck)
This is the work of fate. For every one man who keeps his oath, there’s a
million who don’t, breaking oath after oath.
Oberon
Search through the forest faster than the wind until you find Helena of
Athens. She’s love-sick and pale from all of her sighs. Use some trick to
bring her here, and I’ll put the nectar on this man’s eyes before she gets
here.
Robin (Puck)
Here I go, faster than the arrow from the bow of a warrior.
[Exit Robin (Puck)]

Oberon
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Purple flower, fly like an arrow from Cupid’s bow, and hit the apple of his
eye.
[He drops the juice on Demetrius’ eyelids]
When he sees his love, let her shine to him like Venus in the sky. When you
wake up, if she’s near, ask her to return your love as a cure for your
lovesickness.
[Re-enter Robin (Puck)]

Robin (Puck)
Fairy captain, here is Helena and the young man I mistakenly gave the love
potion to, begging her to love him. Shall we watch the scene they’re
making? Lord, these humans are idiots!
Oberon
Stand back. They’ll wake up Demetrius with their noise.
Robin (Puck)
Then these two men will both be pursuing Helena. That’s fun enough. The
most ridiculous things are often the most entertaining.
[Robin and Oberon step aside. Enter Helena, Lysander, following her]
Lysander
Why do you think my love is a cruel joke? If it were, would I be crying. See?
When I make my vows to you, I cry. And when a vow is made through tears,
you know it’s the truth. How can I seem like I’m mocking you, when these
tears are proof of my sincerity?
Helena
You’re just being even trickier — you’ve made the same vows to Hermia,
and your holy vows to her are at war with your wicked vows to me. Are you
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going to ditch her? If you make the same oaths to two different women,
they won’t mean anything. If you compare the weight of the vows you’ve
made to Hermia, and the weight of the vows you’ve made to me, you’ll see
they weigh the same: nothing — because they’re lies.
Lysander
I wasn’t using good judgment when I made my vows to Hermia.
Helena
You’re not using any now that you’ve abandoned her.
Lysander
Demetrius loves her, and he doesn’t love you.
Demetrius
[Waking] O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine! What could I possibly
compare to your eyes? Crystal is cloudy in comparison. Your lips are as ripe
as cherries, tempting me to kiss them. When you hold up your hand, the
pure white snow of the Taurus Mountains, blowing in the eastern wind,
turns as black as a crow in comparison. Let me kiss this, pure, white hand as
a seal of our engagement.
Helena
You’re a devil! You’re all in it together, playing some cruel joke on me. If
you were kind and courteous, you wouldn’t harm me so much. Is it not
enough to hate me — as I know you do — so you have to mock me too? If
you were real men, as you appear to be on the outside, you wouldn’t abuse a
good woman this way, making vows and praising me, when you really hate
me. You are both competing for Hermia’s love, but now you’re mocking her
by pretending to love me. What a fine, noble thing to do, to make a poor
young woman cry with your ridicule. No decent man would be so cruel to a
virgin, testing her patience just to have fun at her expense.
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Lysander
Don’t be so unkind, Demetrius. You love Hermia; you know I know that. So
with good intentions, with all my heart, I give her to you. You should give
me Helena, whom I love and will love until I die.
Helena
All this trickery is a waste of breath.
Demetrius
Lysander, you can keep Hermia. I don’t want her. If I ever did love her, I
don’t anymore. My heart visited her like a guest on a journey, but now, to
Helena, it has gone home to stay.
Lysander
No, that’s not true Helena.
Demetrius
If you insult my faith to Helena — which you know nothing about — you’ll
pay for it dearly.
[Enter Hermia]
Look, here comes Hermia. Your love is right over there.
Hermia
When it’s dark at night, the eye cannot see, but the ear can hear even better.
Night may impair vision, but it makes us hear twice as well. I didn’t find you
by looking, Lysander; my ear brought me here, recognizing your sound.
But why did you leave me so rudely?
Lysander
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Why should he stay when love tells him to go?
Hermia
What love could make you leave me?
Lysander
My urgent love for pretty Helena, who beautifies the night even more than
the stars. Why are you looking for me? Doesn’t the fact that I ditched you
tell you that I hate you?
Hermia
You don’t know what you’re saying. This can’t be real.
Helena
Oh, she must be in on it. Now I understand — all three of them have joined
together to play this joke to spite me. Harmful, ungrateful Hermia, have
you conspired with these two to ridicule me? Have you forgotten all our
friendly intimacy — the sisterly vows we’ve made, the hours we’ve spent
together, refusing to be parted? Have you forgotten our friendship from our
innocent school days? Like two artistic gods doing needlepoint, we would
stitch one flower with two needles, sitting on the same cushion, singing one
song in the same key, as if our hands, sides, voices, and minds were all part
of one body. We grew together like a double cherry: we may have appeared
separate, but we were one: two lovely cherries, both on one stem. We have
two bodies and one heart, as if we were two separate coats of arms that
share the same color and crest. And you want to rip our friendship apart,
just to join with two men who are mocking your poor friend? It’s unkind
and unbefitting a young woman. All women, including me, would scold you
for it, even if I’m the only one you’re harming.

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Hermia
Your strong words confuse me. I’m not ridiculing you. It seems like you’re
ridiculing me.
Helena
Haven’t you told Lysander to follow me and praise my looks just to make
fun of me? Haven’t you told Demetrius — who just now kicked me — to call
me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare, precious, heavenly? Why is he saying
these things to a woman he hates? And why does Lysander — who loves you
so much — say that he doesn’t, and give me affection instead, if you haven’t
told him to do it? You’re just teasing me because I’m not as lucky as you to
have so much love. I’m miserable, and my love is unrequited. You should
have pity for me — not hate me.
Hermia
I don’t understand what you mean.
Helena
Yes you do. Go right ahead and look sympathetic to my face, and then
mock me behind my back. Go ahead and wink at each other, and keep up
the joke. Your prank is so well executed, someone should write it down. If
you had any decency, grace, or manners, you wouldn’t do this to me. But
goodbye. It’s partially my fault, but that will be fixed soon enough — when I
leave or die.
Lysander
Wait, Helena. Let me explain myself, my love, my life, my soul, beautiful
Helena.
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Helena
Oh, this should be good.
Hermia
[To Lysander] Sweetheart, don’t insult her like this.
Demetrius
[To Lysander] If you won’t listen to Hermia’s pleas, then I’ll make you leave.
Lysander
You can’t make me leave any more than Helena can beg me to stay. Your
threats are weaker than her pleas. Helen, I love you. I swear I do. I swear on
my life, which I would gladly give up for you — Demetrius is wrong when
he says I don’t love you.
Demetrius
[To Helena] I love you more than he does.
Lysander
Then draw your sword and prove it.
Demetrius
Come on.
Hermia
Lysander, what’s your plan here?
[Hermia grabs Lysander]

Lysander
Get away from me, you ugly woman.
Demetrius
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No, no, sir, give up. You’ll look like you’re trying to get away from Hermia
so you can fight me, you’ll pretend to follow me, but you won’t really.
You’re just weak — give up.
Lysander
[To Hermia] Get off me, you cat, you burr. Let go of me, or I’ll shake you off
like a snake.
Hermia
Why are you being so rude? What has changed, my love?
Lysander
Your love? Go away, ugly woman, go away. Get out, you poison. Leave.
Hermia
You’re not joking?
Helena
Yes, truly they are — and you’re joking too.
Lysander
Demetrius, I’ll keep promise to you — let’s fight.
Demetrius
I wish we had signed a contract, because I can tell you don’t keep your word.
I don’t trust your promise.
Lysander
What, do you want me to hurt her? Hit her? Kill her? I may hate her, but I
won’t physically harm her.
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Hermia
There’s no greater harm you can do to me than hate me. Hate me? Why
would you hate me? What’s going on, my love? Aren’t I Hermia? Aren’t you
Lysander? I’m still just as beautiful as I ever was. You loved me last night,
but you left me last night too. Am I supposed to believe you left me —
heaven forbid — for real?
Lysander
Yes, I swear on my life, I left you and never wanted to see you again. So give
up — don’t have any hopes, questions, or doubts. You can be certain that it’s
no joke: I hate you and love Helena.
Hermia
[To Helena] You clown! You destroyer, you thief of love! Did you steal my
love’s heart from him in the dark of night?
Helena
Oh, very nice. Don’t you have any modesty or lady-like shame? Not even a
hint of embarrassment? Is your plan to make me so mad that I’ll scream my
answers at you? Damn you,! You’re a phony and a puppet.
Hermia
How am I a puppet? Oh, I see what’s happening here. Now I understand that
Helena is comparing our sizes. She’s pointing out how tall she is, and now
she has won Lysander over with her height. And have you, Helena, grown
so high in his opinion simply because I’m so short in comparison? How
short am I, you beanpole? Tell me — how short am I? I’m not so short that I
can’t scratch your eyes out.
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Helena
You may mock me, gentlemen, but please don’t let her hurt me. I’ve never
been mean. I don’t have a talent for insulting others. I’m too meek. Don’t let
her hit me. Just because she’s shorter than me doesn’t mean I can take her in
a fight.
Hermia
Shorter? Call me short one more time...
Helena
Hermia, my dear, don’t be so mean to me. I have always loved you, Hermia.
I have always been your confidante and never did you wrong… Except for
the fact that because I loved Demetrius, I told him that you had sneaked
into this forest with Lysander. Demetrius followed you, and because I love
him, I followed him. But he’s done nothing but scold me and threaten to hit
and even kill me. Now please just let me quietly slink back to Athens — I
won’t follow you anymore. Let me go. See how naively in love I’ve been?
Hermia
So leave. Who’s stopping you?
Helena
My foolish heart — which I’m leaving behind.
Hermia
Are you leaving it behind with Lysander?
Helena
No, with Demetrius.
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Lysander
Don’t be afraid. She won’t hurt you, Helena.
Demetrius
No, Lysander, she won’t, even if you help Helena.
Helena
When she’s mad, she’s smart and cunning. She was a real piece of work
when we were in school, and though she’s small, she’s fierce.
Hermia
Is she calling me small again? Nothing but small and short? Why are you
letting her insult me? Let me at her.
Lysander
Leave, you dwarf, you insignificant weed, you bead, you acorn.
Demetrius
You’re trying to hard on behalf of a woman who wants nothing to do with
you. Leave Hermia alone. Don’t talk about Helena, and don’t fight on her
behalf. You’ll pay for it if you keep being so mean to Hermia.
Lysander
Hermia has let go of me. Lysander, follow me if you dare, and we’ll see who
has more of a right to Helena.
Demetrius
Follow? No, I’ll go beside you, neck and neck.
[Exit Lysander and Demetrius]

Hermia
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Helena, this mess is all your fault. No, stay right there.
Helena
I don’t trust you anymore, and I won’t stay here just so I can be treated
badly by you. You may be fast in a fight, but my legs are longer, so I can run
away.
[Exit Helena]
Hermia
I’m shocked. I don’t know what to say.
[Exit Hermia. Oberon and Robin (Puck) come forward]

Oberon
This is your fault. You made another mistake, or else you’re making
mischief on purpose.
Robin (Puck)
Believe me, I just made a mistake, my king. Didn’t you tell me I would
recognize the man by his Athenian clothes? You can’t blame me that I
placed the nectar of the flower on an Athenian’s eyes. And frankly, I’m glad
it turned out this way, because all their fighting is very entertaining in my
opinion.
Oberon
You can see the lovers are looking for a place to fight. Hurry and make it
cloudy. Cover the sky with black fog as soon as you can, and make Lysander
and Demetrius get lost so that they can’t find each other. Make yourself
sound like Lysander and egg on Demetrius with insulting taunts. Then
make yourself sound like Demetrius and yell at Lysander. Lead them away
from each other until they both fall asleep. Then crush the herb on
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Lysander’s eye and it will undo the other charm and make him see the
world as he used to. Then, when they wake up, all of this fighting will seem
like a pointless dream, and the lovers will go back to Athens to be together
until death parts them. While you’re doing this, I’ll go to Titania and beg
her to give me the Indian boy. Then I’ll undo the spell I put on her that
made her fall in love with the ass, and all will be right with the world again.
Robin (Puck)
My fairy lord, we need to act fast because night is fading and the morning
star is shining there, sending ghosts home from their wandering to their
churchyards. The cursed spirits who died on the road or drowned in the
river have already gone to their worm-filled beds, afraid to be seen by the
day. They have banished themselves from sunlight, and must remain
forever in darkness.
Oberon
But we’re a different sort of spirit. I love the morning, and often wander in
the forest until the fiery sun, rising over the sea, turns the salty, green water
yellow. But, that being said, hurry up. We can pull this off before daytime.
[Exit Oberon]
Robin (Puck)
Up and down, up and down, I will lead them up and down. I am feared in
field and town. Goblin lead them up and down. Here comes one.
[Enter Lysander]
Lysander
Where are you, arrogant Demetrius? Say something.
Robin (Puck)
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[Pretending to be Demetrius] I’m here, villain, ready to fight you. Where are
you?
Lysander
I’m coming for you right now.
Robin (Puck)
Follow me to flatter ground that’s better for fighting.
[Exit Lysander. Enter Demetrius]

Demetrius
Lysander, say something. You runaway! You coward! Did you run away?
Speak! Are you hiding in a bush? Where are you hiding yourself?
Robin (Puck)
[Pretending to be Lysander] You coward, you’re bragging to the stars and
telling the bushes that you’re spoiling for a fight, but you won’t actually
come face me? Come and get me, you coward. I’ll hit you with a stick.
You’re not good enough for a swordfight.
Demetrius
Are you there?
Robin (Puck)
Follow my voice; this isn’t a good place to fight.
[Exit Robin and Demetrius. Enter Lysander]

Lysander
He’s fleeing from me, but still egging me on. As soon as I reach him, he’s
gone again. He’s much faster than me. I chased him quickly, but he fled
even more quickly, and now I’m lost on a dark, uneven path. I’ll rest here.
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[He lies down]
Come, gentle day. Once I see the gray light of dawn, I’ll find Demetrius and
get my revenge for his insult.
[He Sleeps. Enter Robin (Puck) and Demetrius]

Robin (Puck)
[Pretending to be Lysander] Coward, why haven’t you come to fight me?
Demetrius
Follow me if you dare. I know why you run from me, disappearing at every
turn, and don’t dare face me. Where are you now?
Robin (Puck)
Come here. I’m here.
Demetrius
No, you’re mocking me. You will pay for this, if I see you in daylight. Go
whatever way you like. I’m faint, and need to stretch out to sleep on the cold
ground.
[He lies down]
When dawn breaks, I’ll find you.
[He sleeps. Enter Helena]

Helena
I wish the tiring, endless night would pass quickly. I wish the sun would
shine in the east, so that I can head back to Athens in daylight, and leave
behind these people who hate me. Sleep, which sometimes takes away
sorrows, give me a break from myself.
[She lies down and sleeps]

Robin (Puck)
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Only three? Come on, one more person. Two women and two men make
four people.
[Enter Hermia]
Here she is, insulted and sad. Cupid is a cruel mischief maker, driving these
poor women insane like this.
Hermia
I’ve never been so tired, or so sad. I’m covered in dewdrops and torn by
thorns. I can’t crawl any further. My legs are giving out. I’ll rest here until
dawn.
[She lies down]
Heaven help Lysander if they fight!
[She sleeps]
Robin (Puck)
Sleep soundly on the ground. I’ll apply this remedy to your eyes.
[He drops the flower’s nectar on Lysander’s eyelids]
When you wake up, you’ll be delighted by the sight of Hermia. When you
wake up, you’ll believe the country proverb: that every man will take a
woman, every Jack will have a Jill, and nothing will go wrong. The man will
have his horse again, and all will be well.
[Exit Robin (Puck)]
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Act 4
Scene 1
Scene 1
Modern English:
[Enter Titania, Queen of Fairies, Bottom with the ass-head, and fairies
Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mote, and Mustardseed]
Titania
Come sit down on this flower-strewn bed while I stroke your friendly
cheeks, stick muskroses in your hair, and kiss your big, beautiful ears.
Bottom
Where is Peaseblossom?
Peaseblossom
At your service.
Bottom
Scratch my head, Peaseblossom. Where is Master Cobweb?
Cobweb
At your service.
Bottom
Good Master Cobweb, take your weapons and go kill a red-hopped
bumblebee on top of a thistle for me. And, good monsieur, bring me the
honey. Don’t tire yourself out while you’re doing it, monsieur, and make
sure you don’t break the honey sac. I would hate to see you covered in
honey, sir.
[Exit Cobweb]
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Where is Monsieur Mustardseed?
Mustardseed
At your service.
Bottom
Give me your hand, Monsieur Mustardseed. Please, stop bowing, good
monsieur.
Mustardseed
What would you like me to do?
Bottom
Nothing, but help Master Peaseblossom to scratch me. I need to go to the
barber, sir, because I think my face is very hairy. And I am a very sensitive
ass. If my hair tickles me even a little bit, I need to scratch.
Titania
Would you like to listen to some music, sweetheart?
Bottom
I have a good ear for music. Let’s hear some percussion.
[Rustic music]
Titania
Or tell me, darling, what you want to eat.
Bottom
Just a bit of oats. I’d love some good, dry oats. I think I have a craving for a
bundle of hay. There’s nothing like some good, sweet hay.
Titania
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I have an adventurous fairy that will find the squirrel’s stash of nuts and
fetch you a few of them.
Bottom
I’d prefer a handful or two of dried peas. But please, don’t let any of your
fairies bother me. I feel a powerful need to sleep.
Titania
While you sleep, I will wrap you in my arms. Leave us alone, fairies.
[Exit fairies]
I’ll wrap myself around you like the woodbine twists itself around the
honeysuckle, like ivy wraps around the branches of an elm tree. How I love
you! I’m mad about you!
[They sleep. Enter Robin Goodfellow and Oberon, meeting]

Oberon
Welcome, good Robin. Do you see this sweet sight? I almost pity Titania for
how much she loves him. When I ran into her in the forest, searching for
gifts to give this foolish ass, I fought with her because she had crowned his
head with fresh, fragrant flowers. And the dewdrops that look like pearls
when they’re on a flowerbud were now on his flower crown and looked as if
they were crying of embarrassment. When I had had enough of taunting
her for fun, and when she asked me politely to stop, I asked her to give me
the young boy, and she did immediately. She sent her fairy to take the boy
to my home in fairyland. Now that I have him, I’ll break the love spell I put
her under. Gentle puck, you’ll remove the ass’s head from this Athenian
peasant, so that when he wakes up, he can go back to Athens with the other
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four lovers, and think of this night’s events as nothing more than a dream.
But first I will release the Fairy Queen from this spell.
[He drops the nectar on Titania’s eyelid]
Be as you always were. See what you have always seen. Diana’s flower has
more power than Cupid’s. Now, my Titania, wake up, my sweet queen.
Titania
[Waking] My Oberon, the things I’ve seen! I thought I was in love with an
ass.
Oberon
He’s right there.
Titania
How did this happen? I hate the sight of him now.
Oberon
Be quiet for a bit. Robin, take off the ass head. Titania, call for music that
will make these five sleep more deeply than usual.
Titania
Music, please. Music that will charm them to sleep.
[More music]
Robin
[Removing the ass head from Bottom]
Now when you wake up, you’ll see with your own foolish eyes.
Oberon
Play music.
[The music changes]

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Take my hand, my queen. Let’s dance so that we’ll shake the ground where
these five are sleeping.
[Oberon and Titania dance]
Now we’re not fighting anymore, and we will dance in triumphant
ceremony tomorrow night at the Duke’s wedding to bless their marriage. At
the Duke’s house, the two pairs of lovers will also be joyfully married.
Robin (Puck)
Fair king, listen. I hear the morning lark singing.
Oberon
My queen, let’s silently skip and chase the night around the globe, which we
can circle faster than the moon does.
Titania
My lord, while we travel, tell me how I came to be sleeping here with these
mortal humans on the ground.
[Exit Oberon, Titania, and Robin. The lovers are still asleep. Horns sound offstage.
Enter Theseus with Egeus, Hippolyta, and all his attendants.]
Theseus
One of you go and find the forest ranger. Now that we’ve completed our
May Day ceremonies, and the day is still young, Hippolyta should hear my
hounds barking in the hunt. Let them loose in the western valley. Go, I say,
find the forest ranger.
[Exit servant]
We will go up to the mountain top, my beautiful queen, and listen to the
music of my hounds barking back and forth to each other.
Hippolyta
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Once, when I was with Hercules and Cadmus, they hunted bear with
Spartan dogs in the woods of Crete. Their barking was so impressive that he
skies, the rivers, and all the land seemed one loud bark. I’d never heard such
a beautiful cacophony, such sweet-sounding thunder.
Theseus
My hounds are descended from Spartan dogs, with huge jowls, sandy fur,
ears that hang so low they sweep the dew from the grass, crooked knees,
and folds of skin at their throats, just like Thessalian bulls. They may be
slow to chase, but their barks are like bells echoing each other. There have
never been such musical barks, in Crete, Sparta, or Thessaly. You can judge
for yourself when you hear them. But wait, who are these people?
Egeus
My lord, this is my daughter sleeping here. And that’s Lysander. This is
Demetrius, and this is Nedar’s daughter Helena. I wonder how they got
here.
Theseus
I’m sure they got up early to celebrate May Day, and when they heard I’d be
here, they came to honor our celebration. But tell me, Egeus, isn’t this the
day Hermia is supposed to let us know if she has chosen to marry
Demetrius or not?
Egeus
It is that day, my lord.
Theseus
Tell the huntsmen to play their horns to wake up these four.
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[Exit servant. From off stage, someone says “Sound horns.” The lovers awake. Horns
sound. The lovers begin to get up.]
Good morning, friends. Valentine’s day is over, but you lovebirds are just
now pairing off?
Lysander
Pardon, my lord.
[The lovers kneel]

Theseus
Please, all of you, stand up.
[The lovers stand]
Demetrius and Lysander, I know you are rivals. How has it happened that
you trust each other enough that your jealous has changed so much that
you’re both willing to sleep next to your former rival with no fear of
conflict?
Lysander
My lord, I must answer you in a daze, half asleep, half awake. Honestly, I
can’t say how I got here, but I think — I want to speak the truth, and now I
think this is the truth — I came here with Hermia. We wanted to leave
Athens for somewhere we might, out from under Athenian law —
Egeus
That’s enough, my lord. That’s enough. You must punish him under law.
They would have sneaked away. Demetrius, they would have ruined our
plans, stealing your wife from you and taking away my right as her father to
consent to her marriage.
Demetrius
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My lord, beautiful Helen told me about their secret plan to flee into this
forest, and I followed them in anger, and Helena followed me because of
her love for me. But, my good lord, I don’t know what came over me, but
something did. My love for Hermia melted like snow, and seems like
nothing but an idle fancy from my childhood. All my faithfulness and
virtue are now directed toward Helena, who is the object of my affections. I
was engaged to her before I saw Hermia. But just as I hate to eat when I’m
sick, and when I’m healthy, my appetite returns, I now long for and love
Helena, and I will always be true to her.
Theseus
Beautiful lovers, it’s lucky you met here. We’ll hear more of your story
soon. Egeus, I am overruling you. In this temple, along with me and
Hippolyta, these two couples will get married. And now that the morning is
mostly gone, we’ll call off the hunt. Come back to Athens with us. Three and
three, we’ll hold a celebratory feast. Come on, Hippolyta.
[Exit Duke Theseus with Hippolyta, Egeus, and all his attendants]
Demetrius
The events of last night seem so far away and so hard to grasp, it’s like they
were once mountains that have now turned into clouds.
Hermia
It’s like I’m looking back at last night with double vision. Everything is
blurry.
Helena
I feel that way too. I feel like I’ve found a treasure in Demetrius, and though
he’s mine, he also belongs to someone else.
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Demetrius
It’s like we’re still sleeping, still dreaming. Was the Duke really here? Did he
really tell us to follow him back to Athens?
Hermia
Yes, and my father was here, too.
Helena
And Hippolyta was here.
Lysander
Yes, and the Duke did tell us to follow him to the temple.
Demetrius
Well, we must be awake then. Let’s follow him, and we can tell each other
about last night along the way.
[Exit the lovers. Bottom wakes]

Bottom
Call me when it’s my cue, and I will respond. My next cue is, “most fair
Pyramus.” Hello? Peter Quince? Flute the bellows-mender? Snout the
tinker? Starveling? My goodness. Have they sneaked away and left me here
sleeping? I’ve had the strangest dream. It’s was so strange it would be
impossible for me to say anything about it. I thought I was — well no one
could tell what I was. I thought I was, and I thought I had — but I’d have to
be a fool to try to say what I had. No one could ever hear, see, taste, feel, or
tell what happened in my dream. I’ll ask Peter Quince to write it up as a
song, and I’ll call it “Bottom’s Dream” because it’s so deep that it has no
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bottom. And when we perform our play for the Duke, I’ll sing it at
intermission. Or better yet, I’ll sing it when the heroine, Thisbe, dies.
[Exit Bottom]
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Act 4
Scene 2
Modern English:
[Enter Quince, Flute, Snout, and Starveling]
Quince
Did you send anyone to Bottom’s house? Has he come home yet?
Starveling
No one knows where he is. No doubt he’s been kidnapped.
Flute
If he doesn’t come back, then the play is ruined. We can’t go on, right?
Quince
Right. It’s not possible to do the play without him. There’s no one else in
Athens who could play Pyramus.
Flute
True. He’s the smartest craftsman in all of Athens.
Quince
Yes, and he’s the best looking person too. And his voice is the paramour of
sweetness.
Flute
You mean “paragon.” A paramour is nothing good.
[Enter Snug the joiner]

Snug
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Masters, the Duke is coming back from the temple, and it turns out two or
three other couples got married too. If we had been able to put on our play,
we would have been made men.
Flute
Poor Bottom. He would have gotten sixpence every day for the rest of his
life if he had been able to play Pyramus for the Duke today. He would
definitely have gotten sixpence a day. If the duke didn’t give him sixpence a
day for playing Pyramus, I’ll eat my hat. And he would have earned it.
Sixpence a day for playing Pyramus or not a penny at all.
[Enter Bottom]
Bottom
Where are these men? Where are these fellows?
Quince
Bottom! O what a day! What a happy moment!
Bottom
Masters, I’m here to tell you about wondrous things. But don’t ask me what,
because if I tell you, then I’m no Athenian. I will tell you everything, just as
it happened.
Quince
Tell us, dear Bottom.
Bottom
You won’t get a word out of me. All I can tell you is that the Duke has eaten.
So get your costumes on, put your beards on, and lace your shoes with new
ribbons. Then let’s meet at the palace as soon as possible. Every man should
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review his part. The long and short of it is, the Duke has requested our play
to be performed. Whatever happens, let Thisbe have clean clothes, and
make sure whoever is playing the lion doesn’t trim his nails, because we’ll
want them long, to look like the lion’s claws. And dear actors, don’t eat any
onions or garlic, because we want our breath to smell pleasant, and then
they will think the play is pleasant too. I’ll say no more. Hurry! Go!
[Exit all]
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Act 5
Scene 1
Modern English:
[Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus, and attendant lords]
Hippolyta
These lovers are talking about strange things.
Theseus
Too strange to be real. I could never believe the tall stories or fairy tales
they’re telling. Lovers and crazy people hallucinate fantasies that can never
be understood by reasonable people. The crazy person, the lover, and the
poet are all alike — they all have vivid imaginations. The madman imagines
more devils than there are in hell. The lover, just as crazy, thinks an ugly
woman is beautiful. And the poet looks up and down from heaven to earth
and back again, his eyes rolling in his head. His imagination creates unreal
things, and his pen pulls them out of thin air and makes them real. A strong
imagination is so powerful that, once it feels joy, it makes up a reason for
that joy. Or the imagination of a fearful person at nighttime easily imagines

that a harmless bush is really a bear.
Hippolyta
But we’ve heard the whole story of their night in the woods, and their
minds all imagined the exact same things. That must mean that they
experienced more than just a fantasy. Their stories, however weird and
astonishing, are all too similar to be made up.
[Enter the lovers: Lysander, Demetrius, Hermia, and Helena]

Theseus
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Here come the four joyful lovers. Friends, I hope your hearts are filled with
joy and love for all the days to come.
Lysander
We hope even more joy awaits you in your royal walks, at your table, and in
your bed.
Theseus
What entertainment shall we have to pass the three hours we have between
dinner and bedtime? Where is the person who’s usually in charge of our
entertainment? What celebrations do we have ready? Perhaps we could
watch a play, to pass the time more speedily? Call Philostrate.
Philostrate
I’m here, mighty Theseus.
Theseus
Tell us, what entertainment have you arranged for the evening? What play
or music? How will we pass slow-moving time if we don’t have anything fun
to do?
Philostrate
Here is a list of what entertainment is available. Choose which one you’d
like to see first.
“The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung by an Athenian eunuch, who will
be accompanied by a harp.”
Theseus
No, I don’t want that. I’ve already told my beloved Hippolyta that story in
praise of my cousin Hercules.
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Philostrate
“The riot of the tipsy drunkards, who angrily tear Orpheus, the Thracian
singer, to shreds.”
Theseus
That’s an old one, and it was performed for me the last time I came home
from conquering Thebes.
Philostrate
“The three muses mourn the death of scholarship, which recently passed
away in poverty.”
Theseus
That’s a satire, too incisive and critical to be appropriate for a wedding
reception.
Philostrate
“A long short scene of young Pyramus and his love Thisbe: very tragic joy.”
Theseus
“Happy” and “tragic”? “Long” and “short”? That’s as strange as “hot ice” or
“black snow.” How are we supposed to make sense of these opposing
descriptions?
Philostrate
My lord, the play is only about ten words long, which is the shortest play
I’ve ever heard of. But even at ten words, my lord, it is too long. In the
whole play, there’s not one well written word, not one well cast actor. And
it’s “tragic,” my lord, because Pyramus kills himself in the play. When I saw
that rehearsed, I admit I did tear up. But they were tears of laughter!
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Theseus
Who are the actors performing it?
Philostrate
They’re rough laborers from Athens. They’ve never put their minds to work
until now, and they’ve exhausted their brains putting together this play for
your wedding.
Theseus
Then let’s watch it.
Philostrate
No, my lord. It’s not fit for you. I’ve seen them rehearse it, and the play is
worthless — unless you’d be entertained by their painful attempt to serve
you.
Theseus
I want that to watch that play, for there’s nothing wrong with a play that’s
performed with a simple sense of duty. Go get the actors, and have a seat,
ladies.
[Exit Philostrate]
Hippolyta
I don’t want to watch poor workers struggling against their limitations and
failing to dutifully serve you.
Theseus
Sweetheart, this play won’t be like that.
Hippolyta
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But Philostrate just said that they are incapable of acting.
Theseus
That just means that it will be even kinder of us to thank them for nothing.
It will be entertaining to see the mistakes they make while they’re trying to
perform out of duty for me. We noble people should appreciate their
efforts, not judge their quality. Anywhere I’ve gone, clerks have tried to
greet me with prepared welcomes, but in the moment, they shook, went
pale, stuttered, lost their voices, and then trailed off, failing to pay me the
proper respect. Trust me, sweetheart, I didn’t take it personally, and saw
that though they were silent, they really were welcoming me. I felt just as
much respect from their modesty and nervous dutifulness as I feel when
others speak loudly, boldly, and eloquently. In my opinion, love and simple,
tongue-tied speeches say the most, in the least amount of words, in my
opinion.
[Enter Philostrate]
Philostrate
If it pleases you sir, the Prologue will be performed.
Theseus
Let him take the stage.
[Flourish trumpets. Enter Quince as the Prologue.]

Quince-as-Prologue
If we offend you, we mean well. You should think that we don’t mean to
offend you — we have good intentions. Our only goal is to show our simple
skill. Think, then, that we’re here out of spite. We haven’t come here
meaning to make you happy; that is our true intent. It’s all for your pleasure
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that we are not here. We are ready to make you sad, and our show will show
you everything you’re likely to know.
Theseus
This guy does not use proper punctuation.
Lysander
He performed the prologue like an untrained horse would — he doesn’t
know when to stop. There’s a lesson here, my lord: it’s not enough to speak;
one must speak true.
Hippolyta
You’re right, he has performed this prologue like a child playing a flute.
He’s making sounds, but they are out of control.
Theseus
His performance was like a tangled chain. It was all connected, but
completely disordered.
[Enter, with a trumpet before then, Bottom as Pyramus, Flute as Thisbe, Snout as
Wall, Starveling as Moonshine, and Snug as Lion, for the dumb show]
Quince-as-Prologue
Ladies and gentlemen, this show contains wonders, but soon enough you’ll
know the truth. If you’re curious, this man is Pyramus, and this beautiful
woman is most definitely Thisbe. This man, with lime and plaster
represents the wall, that hateful wall that separated the lovers. And through
a hole in this wall, poor Pyramus and Thisbe must whisper to each other, so
don’t be surprised by that. This man, who carries a lantern, dog, and a
thorny bush, represents moonshine. If you’d like to know, the lovers meet
to woo each other by moonlight at Ninus’ tomb. When Thisbe arrives, she is
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scared away by a hairy beast named “Lion,” and as she flees, she drops her
cloak, which the lion picks up with his mouth, and, in doing so, stains it with
blood. Soon enough, the tall and sweet youth named Pyramus arrives and
finds Thisbe’s cloak stained with blood. So he picks up his blade and stabs
himself in the chest. Thisbe, who had been waiting in a mulberry patch,
finds him dead and kills herself with Pyramus’ dagger. To know the rest,
listen to Lion, Moonshine, Wall, and the two lovers perform for you, while
they’re here.
[Exit all the clowns but Snout as Wall]

Theseus
I wonder if the Lion is going to talk.
Demetrius
Sir, if all these asses are speaking, it’s no wonder that a lion would.
Snout-as-Wall
In this same play, it will happen that I, Snout, represent a wall, and in this
wall please imagine a cranny, hole, or chink through which the lovers
Pyramus and Thisbe whisper secretly to each other. This loam, this plaster,
and this stone show that I am that wall. This is the truth. And this is the hole,
the right side and the left side, through which the scared lovers will
whisper.
Theseus
Who could ask for a better speech from stone and plaster?
Demetrius
It’s the smartest wall I’ve ever heard speak, my lord.
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[Enter Bottom as Pyramus]

Theseus
Pyramus is approaching the wall. Quiet.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
O dark night, O night with such black colors, O night that always is when
day is not, O night, O night, alack, alack, alack, I am afraid my Thisbe has
forgotten her promise. And you, O wall, O sweet, lovely wall that stands
between her father’s house and my father’s house, you, wall, O wall, O
sweet, lovely wall, show me your hole, so that I can peer through it with my
eye.
[Snout, as Wall, shows his chink]
Thank you kindly, wall. God protect you for helping me. But what do I see?
I don’t see Thisbe. Oh evil wall, through whom I see no happiness, I curse
your stones for misleading me in this way.
Theseus
I think since the wall can speak, it should curse back at Pyramus.
Bottom
No sir, he truly should not. “Misleading me” is Thisbe’s cue to come
onstage. She is supposed to enter now, and I am supposed to see her
through the wall. You’ll see, it will happen in just a moment, just as I said.
[Enter Flute as Thisbe]
Here she comes.
Flute-as-Thisbe
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Oh wall, you have so often heard me moan at you for separating me and
beautiful Pyramus. My lips have often kissed your stones, which are stuck
together with mortar.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
I see a voice. I’ll go to the hole in the wall to see if I can hear my Thisbe’s
face. Thisbe?
Flute-as-Thisbe
My love — you are my love, I think.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
Think whatever you want — it won’t change the fact that I am your love, as
faithful as Lemander.
Flute-as-Thisbe
And I will be as faithful to you as Helen, until the day I’m fated to die.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
Not even Shafalus was as faithful to Procrus.
Flute-as-Thisbe
I will be as faithful to you as Shafalus was to Procrus.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
Kiss me through the hole in this hateful wall.
Flute-as-Thisbe
I can’t reach your lips — I’m just kissing the hole in the wall.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
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Will you meet me right away at Ninny’s tomb?
Flute-as-Thisbe
Come hell or high water, I’ll go there right away.
[Exit Bottom and Flute separately]

Snout-as-Wall
And so I have performed my part. And since I’m done, I’ll go away now.
[Exit Snout]
Theseus
Well now that they’ve gone away, the wall that separated the neighbors has
fallen.
Demetrius
My lord, that’s what happens when walls eavesdrop.
Hippolyta
This is the most ridiculous play I’ve ever seen.
Theseus
Even the best plays are just pale versions of reality. And the worst plays just
require a little imagination to make them better.
Hippolyta
Your imagination, maybe, is what makes it tolerable — not theirs.
Theseus
If we choose to imagine these men as they imagine themselves to be, then
we’ll see them as talented actors. Here come two noble beasts: a man and a
lion.
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[Enter Snug as Lion, and Starveling as Moonshine with a lantern, thorn bush, and
dog]
Snug-as-Lion
Ladies, you who fear the tiniest mice creeping on the floor, might shiver
and shake when this lion roars in wild anger. But know that I am really
Snug, the joiner, and I’m not really an angry lion, or even a lion’s mother. If
I really were a lion, and came in here, I’d surely lose my life.
Theseus
What a gentle beast. He has a good conscience.
Demetrius
This actor is the best lion I’ve ever seen on stage.
Lysander
He’s as courageous as a fox.
Theseus
And as smart as a goose.
Demetrius
No, my lord. He’s not courageous enough to be smart.
Theseus
I think it’s the other way around — he’s not smart enough to be courageous.
But let’s leave that to him. Let’s listen to the moon.
Starveling-as-Moonshine
This lantern represents the crescent moon.
Demetrius
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He should have worn the horns on his head like a cuckold.
Theseus
He’s not a crescent moon — his horns are hidden inside the circle of the full
moon’s face.
Starveling-as-Moonshine
This lantern represents the crescent moon. I represent the man in the
moon.
Theseus
This is the biggest mistake of all. If he is to play the “man in the moon,” the
actor should be inside the lantern.
Demetrius
He’s scared of the candle — you can see it’s very hot.
Hippolyta
I’m tired of this moon. I wish he would wane offstage.
Theseus
It seems like he’s about done, but to be kind, we should patiently wait for
him to finish.
Lysander
Go ahead, Moon.
Starveling
All I’m supposed to tell you is that the lantern is the moon, I’m the man in
the moon, this thorn bush is my thorn bush, and this dog is my dog.
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Demetrius
But shouldn’t all these things be in the lantern, if they’re all in the moon? Be
quiet, here comes Thisbe.

Flute-as-Thisbe
This is Ninny’s tomb. Where is my love?
Snug-as-Lion
Roar.
[Lion roars. Thisbe drops her mantle and runs off]

Demetrius
Good job roaring, Lion.
Theseus
Good job running away, Thisbe.
Hippolyta
Good job shining, Moon. Really, the moon is shining very well.
[Lion chews on Thisbe’s mantle]

Theseus
Good job shaking that mantle like a mouse, Lion.
Demetrius
Here comes Pyramus.
[Enter Bottom as Pyramus]

Lysander
Now the lion has disappeared.
[Exit Lion]
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Bottom-as-Pyramus
Sweet moon, thank you for your sunshine. I thank you, moon, for shining
so bright, because I know I will see Thisbe clearly in your beautiful, golden,
glittering beams. But wait. O no! Look, poor man, what awful tragedy has
happened? Eyes, what do you see? How can it be? O darling dear! Your
trusty cloak is here stained with blood. Come, angry Furies. Come, fates,
come, come and avenge her. Cut the thread of my life. Destroy, crush,
conclude, and kill.
Theseus
If it were combined with the death of a close friend, this scene might almost
make a man cry.
Hippolyta
I’ll be darned if I don’t feel sorry for him.
Bottom-as-Pyramus
O nature, why did you make lions so vicious that they have devoured my
love? She was the most beautiful woman that ever lived, loved, liked, or
looked. Tears, fall. Sword, wound my breast. Yes, on the left, where the
heart beats. Thus I die. Like so, like so, like so.
[He stabs himself]

Now I am dead. Now my soul has fled into the sky. My tongue no longer
sees. Moon, fly away.
[Exit Moonshine]
Now die, die, die, die, die.
[He dies]
Demetrius
He’s nothing but a single die, rolling an ace now, because he is just one.
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Lysander
He’s less than an ace now. He’s dead, so he is nothing.
Theseus
A doctor could save him, so that he could be an ass once more.
Hippolyta
If Moonshine has left already, how will it be possible for Thisbe to see
Pyramus when she comes back to find him?
Theseus
She’ll find him by starlight.
Here she comes. Her passionate speech of mourning will be the conclusion
of the play.
Hippolyta
I think she shouldn’t have much to say about this guy. I hope she’ll be brief.
Demetrius
A speck of dust will tip the scales to decide who’s better — Pyramus or
Thisbe. If this actor makes a better man, God help us. But God help us if the
actor playing Thisbe makes a better woman.
Lysander
Look, Thisbe’s sweet eyes have spotted Pyramus already.
Demetrius
And so she’ll start moaning in grief, watch:
Flute-as-Thisbe
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Are you asleep, my love? Are you dead, my dove? Pyramus, Get up! Speak,
speak. Are you silent? Dead? Dead? I must cover your eyes with a tomb.
Your lily-like lips, your red nose, your yellow cheeks are gone, are gone.
Lovers, cry out in grief. His eyes were as green as leeks. Three fates, come to
me with your pale hands. Dip them in his blood, since you have cut the silk
thread of his life. Tongue, don’t say a word. Come, trusty sword, and stain
my chest with blood.
[She stabs herself]
Goodbye, friends. This is how I die. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
[She dies]
Theseus
Moonshine and Lion are the only ones left to bury the dead.
Demetrius
Yes, and wall, too.
Bottom
No, no. I promise, the wall that once separated Pyramus and Thisbe’s
fathers is still down. Would you like to see the epilogue? Or shall two of us
perform a rustic dance for you?
[Bottom and Flute stand up]

Theseus
No, please don’t perform an epilogue —your play does not need any
explanation. Never explain yourselves, because when the players are all
dead, there’s no one left to blame. Indeed, if the person who wrote this had
also played Pyramus, and had hanged himself with Thisbe’s garter, that
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would have been a fine, tragic ending. You have performed the play very
well. But let’s have a bergamask. No need for an epilogue.
[Bottom and Flute dance, then exit]
The clock has chimed midnight. Lovers, it’s time to go to bed; it’s almost
time for the fairies to appear. I am worried we’ll sleep in past the morning,
since we have stayed up so late tonight. This silly play has passed the
evening well. Dear friends, let’s go to bed. We’ll continue celebrating our
weddings every night for two weeks.
[Exit all. Enter Robin (Puck) with a broom]

Robin (Puck)
Now the hungry lion roars and the wolf howls to the moon, while the
farmer snores, having finished all his exhausting tasks.
Now the burnt logs glow in the fading fire, while the screech-owl,
screeching a loud omen, makes the sick man ponder his coming death.
Now it’s the time of night when the graves open wide and let out their
spirits to glide around the graveyard.
It’s time for us fairies, who flee the sun like the dragons who pull the chariot
of the goddess of the moon, following darkness, to frolic freely.
[Enter Oberon and Titania, King and Queen of Fairies, with all their train]
Oberon
Provide glittery light throughout the house. Every one of you elves and
spirits should hop like birds near every dying fire and sing and dance this
song with me.
Titania
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First, repeat the song from memory, and give each word a lovely note. Let’s
all hold hands while we sing and bless the Duke’s palace.
[The song. The Fairies dance]

Oberon
From now until dawn, we will each wander through this house. We’ll find
the best marriage bed, and bless it, making sure that the offspring of the
couple will always have good fortune. So these three couples will always be
in love with each other, and nature will not spoil their children with
blemishes. No mole, harelip, or scar, or any other birthmark shall ever
appear on their children. With this sacred dew from the field, bless every
chamber in the palace with sweet peace, and bless the owner, Theseus, with
safe rest throughout his life. Go on, hop to it. We’ll all meet before dawn.
[Exit all but Robin (Puck)]

Robin (Puck)
If we spirits have offended, just think the following, and all will be well: you
have been sleeping here while these strange sights appeared before you; and
this silly play was nothing but a dream. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t get
upset. We beg your pardon, and will fix everything. On my honesty as a
fairy, if we are lucky enough to avoid your boos and hisses, we will fix
everything soon enough. If not, you can call me a liar. Goodnight everyone.
If we are friends, give me your hands, and I will make everything right.
[Exit]
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A Midsummer Night's Dream

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A Midsummer Night's Dream

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Fall 2023 Novel Studies: Unit 2

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

aging stepmother or widow, growing old and spending her husband’s

fortune before his heir can inherit it.

the sky above our wedding night like a silver bow.

Philostrate, go tell the young people of Athens to get ready to celebrate.

funerals—it’s not fitting for our celebration.

Greetings, Theseus, our celebrated duke.

Thanks, Egeus. What’s going on with you?

Hermia. Come forward, Demetrius. Theseus, I have given my permission

for this man, Demetrius, to marry my daughter. Come forward, Lysander.

my impressionable young daughter. You have stolen my daughter’s heart

with cunning, and you’ve changed her from an obedient daughter to a

stubborn, harsh one. Theseus, if she doesn’t consent to marry Demetrius

would make a good husband.

permission, so Demetrius is the better choice.

I wish my father could see things from my perspective.

You should see things from his perspective instead.

say something so desperate to a person so powerful that it may hurt my

happen to me if I refuse to marry Demetrius?

could handle living as a nun, forever shut up in a cloister, living a celibate

withers away in celibacy.

whom my soul cannot love.

either be put to death for disobeying your father, marry Demetrius, or

choose to live as a poor, celibate nun forever.

ridiculous claim on Hermia so that I can claim what I am entitled to.

let me have Hermia?

to what is mine. Hermia is mine, and I give my right to her to Demetrius.

fight for her. Demetrius — I swear on my head — pursued Helena, Nedar’s

along, Demetrius and Egeus, I have something I need you to do before my

We will follow you because we have to and because we want to.

[Exit all but Lysander and Hermia]

that were once there have faded so quickly?

How terrible to love someone beneath you in society.

Or the lovers are different ages —

How awful to be too old to marry a young person.

Or else other people choose our lovers for us —

How horrible to have others choose whom we love.

death, or illness, making love as momentary as a sound, as fleeting as a

shadow, as short as a dream, as brief as the lightning in the coal-black night,

is swallowed up by darkness again. That’s how fast love can be destroyed.

as typical as thoughts, dreams, sighs, wishes, and tears.

tomorrow night and meet me in the woods three milesoutside of town —

Keep your promise, my love. Look, here comes Helena.

Hello, beautiful Helena. Where are you headed?

I frown at him, but he still loves me.

I wish your frowns could teach my smiles their skill!

I curse at him, but he still loves me.

I wish my prayers were as good at stirring love in Demetrius as your curses!

The more I hate him, the more he follows me around.

The more I love him, the more he hates me.

It’s not my fault he’s so foolish, Helena.

It is your beauty’s fault. I wish I had that fault!

is full of such lovable qualities that he has transformed heavenly Athens

— we will sneak out of the gates of Athens..

must not see each other until midnight tomorrow.

sight, acts rashly and recklessly. We depict Cupid as a child because he

see him when he leaves and again when he returns.

You should probably call everyone individually, according to your list.

I have here a list of every man who is considered in Athens to be a good

night of their wedding.

actors, and then conclude.

Death of Pyramus and Thisbe.