Dork Covenant (6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

-
To the love of my
life, my wife Judith,
for believing in this,
andinme.

DORK COVENANT
The Collected Dork Tower, Volume I
by John Kovdlic
Published by Dork Storm Press

PO Box 45063,
Madison, WI 5 3744
Fax: (801) 881-7833
E-mail: john@ kovalic.com
MARKETING AND ADVERTISING:

Liz Fulda, sales@DorkStorm.corn
Phone: (608) 255-1348 Fax: (608) 255-1352
PRINTED IN CANADA.
FIRST PRINTING, October 2000

ISBN1-930964-40-4
Story and art 02000 John Kovalic. All rights reserved. No portion of this
publication save for brief review excerpts may be reproduced without the express
consent of the copyright holder. This is a work of fiction: any similarities to any
actual persons or muskrats save for the purpose of satire is purely coincidental.

<--
A

5
"Hey, Marcia. Come and see the sata@f 1

1 4 - t-
+p4-' \
L
d l I
I
2
\3
That one still cracks me up
-/ Ihave no great affection for gaming, but then I'm always suspicious when
- qL a noun becomes a verb without warning. Like "party." It is interesting to me
that, right around the time-that "party" became a verb (I party, you party,
he/she/it parties, we party, you party, they party), what it was describing had
virtually ceased to exist and the sort of characters that Kevin Smith has made \
career out of documenting had taken over. I n myday, when those fellows
Dok over the keg, you knew that you should have left half an hour ago. '
You might well ask what has this to do with John Kovalic and his excellent
omic book, Dork Tower.
You might well ask what is wrong with the characters that Kevin Smith
,ocuments?
fi
- You would ask in vain, however, for Iconfine my closely reasoned arguments
to the back pages of Cerebus.
Uh. Cerebus? The comic book that Idraw? I1 I l l Y
-/ Yes. Yes. Twenty-three years now (almost). A little over three years to go.
'ardon? Yes, it's one long story that I started in ... Science fiction? No, no.
~~ Iit isn't reallya ... well, Cerebus diddo a tour of the solar system in one of ..
Fantasy? Uhh. Yeah. Imean, not as much as there was early on when it was
niostly a Conan parody. Conan. Well, before the movies, Conan was a ... No,
Im ' not really interested in Hollywood myself. You mean, like a Cerebusanimated I
C'artoon or something? No, Ireally... Well, the loss of control. See, when you 1
S' ign a contract with a studio, they. .. Pardon? Well, millions of dollars if everything
- goes right. But, you see, it only goes right once in a great while. Like with
c _
-
Y
the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but then you have to stop writing and
drawing and become the CEO full-time of whatever you ... Well, Idon't know 3
~LIW
TRM5
o ~ t 41
mv
LOW
3.
t
how many millions the Tuflles made, exact/' But millions and millions, yes.
definitely... See, to me, when you self-publish your work, as Ido with Cerebus
and as John Kovalic is now doing with Dork Tower, the idea is to reduce the
'
'
7~ amount of outside interference and to limit the business side to turning the
artwork into printed comic books and getting them t o the ... --
\ToNo, comic books. The ones in the newspaper are comicstr@s, a-
d - ? Yes, it was very sad that Charles Schulz died.
/
JOHN KOVALIC GOT A LE-TTER FROM HIM ONCE. ~r-
Y
7\S"T .P Yes, that's right. TheCharles Schulz. Oh, many millions of doll;x s ... maybe ,
'

I
Yes. It 13hard to imagine, Well, Ithink what impressed John was more the ~D,I
qualityof the str@and that was why getting a letter from its creator was such Th'
a big deal to him ... why he has the letter framed and up on his...
9
-
7
No. A lotof cartoonists do that, but Schulz didn't have ghosts. He wrote and
drew and pencilled and inked and lettered every Peanuts strip that ever...
Yes, wasn't that great? Yes, Iwatch it every Christmas myself. And when
,
;
II
Linus goes out into the spotlight and starts reciting from Luke's Gospel... ~
hL' Well, it was first aired in 1965, so Iguess it's made a lot of money since
VE
S - then. Idon't really know how those things work. Whether the studio gets paid
CC
q'r every time it's aired and pays Schulz's estate (now), or if someone bought the '/lS
\ rights to it, you know, some big corporation like Time-Warner or ABC or
something offered a lot of money for it at some point and Schulz (or whoever ?,+,,
owned it) just decided... ----
- A Dork Towermovie?
- 1 I1 I1
1 t i
Well, Idon't know. See, that's one of the funny things with self-publishers. '4
Some of them are interested in Hollywood and some aren't. It seems to me 1
that you don't really know which one you are until you get an actual offer frc
... Pardon? A
,-\ - ,I \I I
Well, Idid-years and years ago--get a phone call from Lucasfilm... Yes. S
-,
1
- Wars. Definitely. Star Wars has made millions and millionsof dollars... Wt
no, just the one phone call. As Isaid, I'm not interested, so, you know, thc
wasn't much reason for them to call back. Regret it? No. No, uh, exactly the
opposite. As Isaid, Idon't really have any interest in Hollywood. As Isaid, ;,u,aEo,
the loss of controljust... ABout L'kV
3 nub.
Danny DeVito as Igor? -BOOK-, ) \ \ n ,
c h,OWS'
Well, Danny DeVito has got to be... what? Late forties, early fifties by now.
I always got the impression that the characters in Dork Tower are... Well, yes, -
you're right. There aregamers who are in their late forties and early fifties.
A Yes, that's true. If you have characters of different ages, they do like that in 2 - --
-~
_2_
,
,
Hollywood. Hit the different demographic groups. You could cast same hot ~
p
At
twenty year-old as Matt and get that older brother-younger brother thing.
Make Igor the sloppy one and Matt the neat one. Yeah, like the Odd Couple.
i No, no--exactly. The first Odd Couple movie or maybe even the Odd Couple
television show. Or you could make Matt a girl. Jenna Elfman and Danny I
DeVito. Wouldn't that be something? Yeah, they're both really funny.
\t, Speaking of really funny, have you ever readDork Tower?The Dork Tower
, [ comic book? No?
You really should.
\<
5
-
\
Yes, L
Yes, it is.
It's very, very funny. - I -
2
/"

\ -
- --. I
11
Come on, Daddy needs a new
sword of wounding."
-Langly in X-Files:
"Unamal Saspects"
-.

pascal groux (order #6564234) 9
TH\Nb Q\FFE?.€kK F
” DRRY ROLEP

U

I

SLAY" MRGAZ\NE
COMES IN APLRSTIC
SO. HOW'S THE

I BlbCON@?S

OUT AT SOME
FQINT OR
OTHER.
U
23
MAKE
BIG My
CON 1 LI
cl I

‘T

I 1
I1 I
I O

1 I t I I
U
I1
Perky, a little bouncy, not too bouncy...I 1
-Brittuny in Duriu: “Mulled”

0 MI

L\KE THR’i ADRMS

.,. ..

41998 Shetland Productions muskra@msn.fullfeed.com DORK CE
% ,L: http:/hwmr.pegasusgames.wdDORKTOWER.HTML

OKAY- YOU ENTER THE TUROUE
ROOM. THE GEM OF €TERN hL
WWER L\ES \NN€M\DDL€ OF,,,

OK(AY!OK(A ONE
k,"
MORE CURRRCTER.Oa!
BUT TWS IS \T.'SO BE
CAREFUL W\TH \T ru\S
TIME!
U
7 1

IME SAYS ,WE G€T IT ) I/

54
1- /

“The trouble with computers, of course,
99
is that they’re very sophisticated idiots.
-The Doctor (Tom BuRer) in
Doctor Who: “The Robot” - - . ’
/---
,
/
.. .
r
~
/
I
/
.
0-
r
I
- --___
- .__ , .
I

I
I
m
P m w ME.
I'VE Gay TO
60 CrlBBER
HEARD
OF IT?

IT'S R WLLING
THOUGHT, MRT ...
FPOMHERE ON
63
5 0 THERE'S
ONLY O N E

BY I

( IGOR!
YO0. L\KEW\SE, \ EN!\

I

\

EPISODE IV/

“Laugh it up, fuzzball.”
-Han Solo t o Cbewbacca in
Star Wars: Tbe Empire
Strikes Back

--
81
I ---
B
b

I

$-
a ."
oh my,,.
\ JUST FEEL,,, \S IT JUST

O\IFRwUEIM€D! ME OR \s
W W N RWRY! TU€ SCpEaJ
NNNG.
NN "6.
I
I You CRN? LET YWR
EMOf\Oh\S CLOUD
0 \ GUESS,,,

)iJo WOW SO GKFii
I I
n I

L

-
)1998 Shetland Pmductions rnuskra@msi 1.mDORK CENTRAL: http:/h.pe(

I

pascal groux (order #6564234) IO0
n

11
O n my world, there are books,
thousands of pages, about the power of
one mind to change the Universe, but
none said it as clearly as this."
-DeZenn t o SincZair in
/- Babylon 5: "The Gathering"
/
/
4-
7 %
\ b&DTH€R€'S MORE! l&?I

CUTTING HUMOR' A
\fi. NORE! J
pf
I
107
pascal groux (order #6564234) I08
“LET’S S W W R SOME 3SW’ SHUT UP

J
0-c , I

,

123
TO DRRWIN

I
I
U
U
11
Take me out tonight, where there’s music
and there are people who are young and alive...11
-The Smiths: “There is u Light Thut
Never Goes Oat’’

I
..

h
THE \NTFRNAT\OIJRL
HOUSE OF PAMUKES
FOR YEU\MGTOO LOUD

m
7 F
n
AND TU\RDLU, WELL,

LET'S FRCE It, HE'S

NEW STUFF. 1% GOT A FEW 1

139
I42
143
I
THE WORLD !
p4 Lt
J

The winner of today’s game gets
T T to participate in the all-day
w e l c o m e to GloomCon, a “Escape from Dork Tower”
dreary little convention where adventure/tournament tomorrow,
you and your lifeless friends have which is a punishment you now
made the fatal error of signing up desperately want to avoid.
for a LARP called “Escape from However, there’s only one creature
Dork Tower.” It’s a live-action left, he’s been worn down to one
role-playing game that takes you hit point, and no one who’s still
all over the hotel, playing tic-tac- alive has any desire to kill it.
toe for “combat” and collecting So, run away! If the Monster
“magic beans” for use in your catches you, you’ll be forced to
“quest” to save the “princess” fight it, and you’ll win the game
from the “Evil sorcerer” who’s automatically. And if you win,
locked her up in his “tower.” In you’ll be stuck playing this all
other words, it’s even stupider again tomorrow, which basically
than you thought. means you lose.
“pauses” for each step remaining in your
move, so the Monster can keep moving
Players: 3-6 towards you.
Playing Time: 15-30 Minutes
You Need: A Pawn for every player, Moving the Tables: You can move one
some Pennies, one 6-sided die, and one table after taking a step. After you move
Master Pawn to represent the Monster. into a room, you may move a table from
The Board: The board represents the
convention area of the hotel. It is
composed of 25 rooms separated by 42
doorways.
To Begin: Determine a first player by
some random method, and then place
your Pawns on the numbered rooms
surrounding the Ballroom, starting with
the player who will go first. In other
words, Player 1 starts on the “1,” Player
2 on “2,” and so on. any doorway in that room to any other
Start the Monster in the Ballroom (the doorway in that room.
center of the board, labeled “Escape From You can’t move a table before you take
Dork Tower”). a step. In other words, when you start
Place pennies across some of the your turn,you can’t move a table in your
doorways, as shown by the circles on the current location to open up a new exit;
board. These pennies represent tables, you must move one step first, through an
which block off the doorways they cover. open door.
The tables will move around throughout
the game, and the number and starting How the Monster Moves: The Monster
configuration of the tables will vary takes each step right after you do. He
depending on how many people are can’t move through tables, but he can
playing. move through other players. However,
Now you’re ready to play! he can only catch the player who is
currently active; the inactive players are
On Every Turn: Roll the die, and take “out of game,” and so he can’t see them.
that many steps from room to room. The Monster always tries to take the
After each step you take, the Monster shortest path towards you. If the best
will take one step towards you by the route is blocked, he moves along the
shortest open path. So, if you roll a 5, shortest unblocked route. If there are two
both you and the Monster will take 5 or more equivalent moves, the Monster
steps. If the Monster ever catches you, will randomly pick one. You can do this
you lose! by rolling the die, or by letting someone
who’s not paying much attention pick a
How You Move: You can move into any route. If there is no open path to you
empty room, through any open doorway. (which is unlikely) then the Monster does
You can’t move through a table. not move. If you and the Monster start a
You can’t move into an occupied room. turn on the same space, he can’t catch
You must take a step if you can. you just yet, because you’re still “out of
If you are blocked off completely (which game.” In this case, you’ve got just one
is highly unlikely), you must count off step to throw a table in his way!
I52
Winning: There isn’t a winner in this If there are more than 6 players: You
game, just one loser. When the Monster can start extra players in the outside
catches up to you, you win, which means corners. Starting; at the umer left. and
you lose, because everybody else goes proceeding cl&kwise, Iiumber the
away happy. If you have a competitive corners 7,8,9, and 10. Remove the tables
I , ,
streak, keep score over a series of games. fiom every occupied corner.
The losers get 1 mark for each loss, and
the player with the fewest marks wins.
Strategy: It’s very hard for the Monster
to catch you unless you run into a dead
end, or get stuck in a corner. Therefore,
to isolate someone, pla ers must try to
l
build dead ends for ot ers by moving
the tables, and by using themselves as
roadblocks. Remember, layers can’t m
through other players, !l ut the Monster
can. So, cluster around the player you
want to catch, and trap him.
Escapefiom Dork Tower 01999 Cheapass
Where to put the tables: For 5 or 6 Games. A game by James Ernest,
players, place 12 tables on the doors illustrated by John Kovalic with helpfiom
marked with white dots. For 3 or 4 Toivo Rovainen, Joshua Howard, Jeff
players, place 4 additional tables on the Vo el, Dave Howell, and a punch bowl
doors marked “T.” fuf1 of timid and retiring guinea pigs.
[HEAPASS IAMB
visit us on the web at www.cheapass.com.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The number of people I have to thank is simply staggering to me.
My family, first and foremost, and my friends. My readers (thank you
thank you thank you). My gaming group (Lory, Randy, Terry, Krista
(MIA) and Din0 (MIA)) in general, and Scott Olman (the real Igor)
and Bill Bodden (the real Pegasaurus Bill) in particular. Everyone at
Pegasus Games, Castle Perilous, the Source, Capitol City Comics,
Westfield Comics, Etc., 20th Century Books, Star Clipper and
Dreamhaven Comics. Everyone at the late, lamented Shadis magazine
for starting this whole thing in the first place -- DJ, Rob, Jim, Marcello,
Cris, Maureen and the 2-Man - it was like family, guys, and I miss
you. Dave Gross and everyone at Dragon Magazine for being so
freaking great, and Larry Smith for dragging me there in the first
place. Which is to say nothing of the folks at Pyramid and Scrye
magazines these days. Steve Jackson Games, Cheapass Games and
The Army of Dorkness (you know who you are). Dave Sim, Terry
Moore, Mrke Baron, Gary Gygax, SteveJackson and Jolly Blackburn,
for being great guys. The folks on the Dork Tower mailing lists and
at the Dork Tower Yahoo club. Bruce McLean and the crew at the
Millfield Newspaper. Adrian, Malcolm and Andrew, my first gaming
group lo those many years ago. Alex Robinson, Scott Roberts and all
the others whose work keeps me going. Everyone else whom I've
forgotten as I sit here typing this, blown away by it all.
Last -- and far from least -- I wouldn't here if it wasn't for the help
of my partners in crime, Aaron Williams and Liz Fulda.
Blame them. And my cats.

About the Author
John Kovalic was born in Manchester, England, in 1962.
Dork Tower began in SHADIS magazine in 1996, and the
multi-Origins award-nominated Dork Tower comic book
was launched in June 1998. The first issue sold out in
eight weeks to fantastic reviews and tremendous industry
buzz. John's award-winning editorial cartoons appear
everywhere from his hometown WISCONSIN STATE
JOURNAL and CAPITAL TIMES (Madison, WI) to the
NEW YORK TIMES and the WASHINGTON POST.
His other creations include SnapDragons and Newbies
(with Liz Rathke), Wild Life, Beached, the Unspeakable
Oaf and many others.
One of the first cartoonists to put their work on the

internet, his self-produced World Wide Web site,
kovalic.com, has received numerous national and
international kudos. If you ask him nicely, he'll tell you
how he helped create GAMES Magazine's 1999 Party
Game of the Year, the international best-selling, award-
winning "Apples to Apples." He may even tell you how
he once ended up in the pages of the National Enquirer.
His degree was in Economics with a minor in Astrophysics.

In his spare time, John searches for spare time.

Gaming
L i v e in to
themide!
I Aherestare
iust d i e rolls. I andDORK TOWER T-shirts,back-issues, other comics
award-winning games illustrated by John Kovalic
are now available! Quantities are limited (to how
many you want to buy).
All prices INCLUDE postage and packin

to the United States. Please add 25%
for international airmailshipments.Please
send your checks, postal orders or
OR MY W..
i.%KILLED W I - M I I DORK OFFERINGS
Master Card, Visa or Discover card
information to:
Box 45063
Madison, WI 53744
Please make checks payable to
Dork Tower. E-mail orders:john@kovalic.com.
I SmiPARK I Check out the DORK STORE at
fine merchandise!
DORK TOWER back issues (7, 8, 9, IO and II available) ......$4 each
MURPHY'S RULES collection (80pp) ............................................ $ I 7
WILD LIFE: The Cardinal Collection (128pp) ............................... $I I
The WILD LIFE Journals (I28pp) .................................................. $I I
The WILD LIFE Files (128pp) ....................................................... $ II
Shockingly classy DORK TOWER Golf Shirts
Medium, Large, Extra Large ...................................................... $32
Y XXL & XXXL ................................................................................. $35
CTHUUU
COLLECT WLOF XXXXL ....................................................................................... $37
T-SHIRTS
(Gorning is Life; Will Gome for Food; Sith Pork; Collect Coll ofCthulhu; PokeGONE; Perky Goth)
...................................................... $2 I
I I
7 Medium, Large, Extra Large
XXL ................................................................................. $23
xxXL.................................................................................$25
XXXXL....................................................................................... $27
High-Quality DORK TOWER Baseball Caps................................. $2 I
APPLES t o APPLES Game (Out ofthe Box Games)............. $23
APPLES TO APPLES Expansion Deck One (Out ofthe Box Games)..$lb
APPLES TO APPLES Junior (Out ofthe Box Games)............. $23
BOSWORTH Game (Out of the Box Games).................................... $23
CHEZ GEEK Game* (Steve lackson Games)................................... $23
ESCAPE FROM ELBA Game (Cheapass Games)................................ $7
pascal groux (order #6564234) +Contains mature themes
High-quality, full-
\1
cotton Dork Tower
Golf shirts: The Dork 4
shirt you can wear to 4
work! Available now
from the Dork Store.
Just $32 for sizes M. L and XL
$35 for XXL and XXXL
$37 for XXXXL (gamer size). -I
/
..
\'
- -
+
Send a check, money order or credit card information
(name, address, number and expiration date) to:
Dork Offerings, Box 45063
Madison, WI 53744 -
a
M-XL..........$21 M-XL..........$21
XXXL.....
XXXXL..
t-shirts. back-issues and paraphernalia, check out the Dork Store On-line at http://kovalic.com.


Dork Covenant (6564234)

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Dork Covenant (6564234)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

Published by Dork Storm Press

MARKETING AND ADVERTISING:

FIRST PRINTING, October 2000

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

"Hey, Marcia. Come and see the sata@f 1

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 15

pascal groux (order #6564234) 17

SO. HOW'S THE

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 24

pascal groux (order #6564234) 25

pascal groux (order #6564234) 28

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 34

pascal groux (order #6564234) 42

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 47

pascal groux (order #6564234) 48

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 52

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 62

pascal groux (order #6564234) 66

pascal groux (order #6564234) 67

pascal groux (order #6564234) 68

pascal groux (order #6564234) 72

pascal groux (order #6564234) 73

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 82

pascal groux (order #6564234) 84

\ JUST FEEL,,, \S IT JUST

pascal groux (order #6564234) 89

pascal groux (order #6564234) 91

pascal groux (order #6564234) 92

pascal groux (order #6564234) 93

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234)

/- Babylon 5: "The Gathering"

\ b&DTH€R€'S MORE! l&?I

pascal groux (order #6564234) I19

pascal groux (order #6564234) 120

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 124

pascal groux (order #6564234)

pascal groux (order #6564234) 132

pascal groux (order #6564234) I34

AND TU\RDLU, WELL,

pascal groux (order #6564234) I37

pascal groux (order #6564234) 138

pascal groux (order #6564234) 146

pascal groux (order #6564234) I53

Blame them. And my cats.

pascal groux (order #6564234)