Rangitoto College English Department

Internal Assessment 2023

Student Instructions

1.8- Explain significant connection(s) across texts, using supporting

Topic: Significant
evidence
Connections NZ
and Pasifika
1.5 - Produce formal writing
Poetry

1.8- 4 Credits AS 90852 Version 2

1.5 - 3 Credits AS90053 Version 5

Assessment:
You must submit: Written response
Word limit:
Text type: Essay 700-1100 words
Due dates:
Using the significant connection(s) across texts which you have chosen, write a report in -Drafting checkpoint
which you: Friday the 26h
● identify the connection which is significant across your texts
● explain how the connection is significant across your texts by expressing your -Final hand in
ideas about the connection before 8:45 am
● give evidence that includes reference to specific and relevant details from each Thu 8/6
text which illustrates the connection across your texts.
Extensions must
Your report should:
be applied for in
● begin with an introduction that identifies your texts and the connection between writing in advance,
your texts and approved by
● explain how each individual text demonstrates the connection and is linked to the Level 1 English
the other texts Curriculum Leader,
Ms Gwynne

1.8 Achievement 1.8 Merit 1.8 Excellence

Explain significant connection(s) Convincingly explain significant Perceptively explain significant
across texts, using supporting connection(s) across texts, using connection(s) across texts, using
evidence. supporting evidence. supporting evidence.

1.5 Achievement 1.5 Merit 1.5 Excellence

Develop and structure ideas in Develop and structure ideas Develop and structure ideas effectively in
formal writing. convincingly in formal writing. formal writing.

Use language features Use language features appropriate to Use language features appropriate to
appropriate to audience and audience and purpose with control in audience and purpose with control to
purpose in formal writing. formal writing. command attention in formal writing.

Question:
New Zealand and the Pacific are unique regions that possess their own distinct cultures, history and concerns. The
canon of New Zealand and Pasifika literature is layered with these particular understandings.

Reflecting on the above, explore how 4 poems, written by New Zealand and Pasifika authors, present varied
interpretations of a core thematic connection. At least one of the four poems must be studied independently by you.

Plagiarism
Intentional or unintentional plagiarism will result in a Not Achieved grade. All pieces will be checked for plagiarised
content. Adopting accepted views/ideas is not plagiarism but presenting the words of another writer as your own is
plagiarism. Your response must reflect your ability to carefully organise and express your ideas in your words.
 1.8 Model Essay Structure
INTRODUCTION
State your thesis statement/contention and
establish your argument
Make a global statement to reach beyond the
text
Introduce four poems and their authors
Body Paragraph 1
Thesis statement relating to your contention
from Poem 1
Provide an example and explain what it reveals
about the author’s intent,
Elaborate on how the poem relates to the theme
and the author’s commentary on society
Provide another example and explain what it
reveals about the author’s intent
Linking sentence - Provide a sentence that
explains how poem one relates to your
contention
Body Paragraph 2
Thesis statement comparing poem 2 with
poem 1. Use connectives such as ‘similarly’ or
‘in contrast’ to weave your comparison into the
essay.
Love can be complex and unexpected, occasionally
even harmful.
We should be careful about what kind of relationships
we have and the people we love.
This theme is explored in the poems Advice to a
Discarded Lover by Fleur Adcock; Roses by Sue
Wootton; This is Love by Karlo Mila and To The Girl
Who Stood Beside Me at the Checkout Counter of
Whitcoulls Bookstore in Hamilton on Tuesday (To the
Girl) by Glenn Colquhoun.
Love is a complex experience.
This is demonstrated by Fleur Adcock in the poem
Advice to a Discarded Lover through the comparison
of her relationship with an ex-lover as feeling pity for
a rotting corpse. She uses macabre imagery to
emphasise the unexpectedness of love. The tone of
the poem is very harsh, introducing the idea that love
is not always easy or good. The persona is no longer
in love, but highlights the reality of what love can
leave behind. In the last verse the persona says, “Go
away until your bones are clean.” This shows that
she wants to protect her mental health, so she
removes her unhealthy relationship in order to be
happier.
This idea relates to love being complex, as often it
can do more harm than good. Through describing her
bad experience with love, the persona shows us that
love can be harmful at times and we should be
careful with relationships.
Throwing one last insult at her ex, the persona says,
“If I were to touch you I should feel / against my
fingers fat, moist worm-skin.” This reveals her
contempt for her ex, showing she is already moving
on in life and linking to the unexpectedness of love.
Therefore, the persona shows that love can be both
regrettable and valued, but we should be guarded in
order to maintain our mental health.
Similarly, the complex nature of love is emphasised
by Sue Wootton in the poem Roses.
Provide an example and explain the intended
effect of the example
Wootton explores the dark side of love through the
use of an extended metaphor of the underground
which represents the dark, hidden aspects of love.
She describes the heart as a ‘deep mine, riddled with
shafts.’ This highlights the dangerous nature of
relationships and how they can distract people from
their chosen path.

Weave a comparison between poem one and The extended metaphor of the underground repeats
poem two the idea that there is another, darker, side to love,
further strengthening the connection to Advice to a
Discarded Lover.

Provide another example and explain the
intended effect
Later in the poem, the poet states, “I give you roses:
ten dozen blood-stained words.” The caesura
reinforces the connection between flowers and hurtful
words; this highlights that the relationship has
become fractious and full of conflict.

Elaborate on how the poem relates to the theme The imagery apparent in the phrase ‘blood stained
and the author’s commentary on society words’ reflects the damage that people in
relationships can inflict on each other.

Linking sentence - provide a sentence that Wooton conveys the complexity of love through the
explains how poem two relates to your figurative language used in the poem, further
contention revealing another side of love and expanding on the
idea that love can be unexpected.

Body Paragraph 3

Repeat the format for body paragraph one but

with poem 3

Body Paragraph 4

Repeat the format for body paragraph two but

compare poems 3 and 4

Conclusion

● Reassert contention The complexity of love is consistently shown in all

four poems. Love is revealed to sometimes be
harmful to people and relationships while affecting
others in a positive way.

● Explain to audience how you proved
your argument
The poems Advice to a Discarded Lover, This is
Love, Roses and To The Girl Who Stood Beside Me
at the Checkout Counter of Whitcoulls Bookstore in
Hamilton on Tuesday communicate the idea that love
can affect relationships in unexpected ways.

● Make final link to context and bigger This indicates that people should be careful with
significance of argument their relationships, in order to live a healthy, happy
life.
 Essay Phrase Bank
Situating phrases
At the beginning... In the wake of [an earlier event],...
However, this develops… As a consequence of…
Later in the story… In the exposition/rising action/climax etc…
This comes to mean... Building towards the [expositions/rising action etc)
Next… In contrast to the [exposition etc], the [falling action etc]...
This changes when…
At the end…

Evidential phrases
Through [techniques and details], we can see…
The director shows us [thesis/keywords] through [evidence] when…
The director constructs for us [concept/theme] through...
When the director uses [technique], we see…
The combination of [technique 1] and [technique 2] emphasises…
[Technique 1 and/or 2] are effective because...

Explanatory phrases
Therefore, ... This suggests/implies…
Consequently, ... Despite this, ...
Because of this, …

Developing phrases Comparing/contrasting phrases

Moreover, ... This contrasts with…
Furthermore, ... Conversely...
Additionally, ... Unlike [an earlier point/ concept/ real life generalisation], this…
However, ...

Reaching phrases
From this we learn/realise/are challenged...
This is significant because…
At this point, the character/the reader learns...
This implies/suggests that…
The audience is encouraged to respond…
We are positioned to think/feel…
While [demographic 1] would…., [demographic 2] might respond…
From [perspective 1]...; meanwhile, [perspective 2]...

Patterns of technique
...recurs…. ...echoes…
...foreshadows… ...deviates…
...reemerges… ...fulfils/challenges audience expectations...

Summative phrases
In conclusion, …
Ultimately, ...
Consequently, ...
Therefore, it can be understood...
Altogether, …
Overall, it becomes evident...
Situating phrases
At the beginning... In the wake of [an earlier event],...
However, this develops… As a consequence of…
Later in the story… In the exposition/rising action/climax etc…
This comes to mean... Building towards the [expositions/rising action etc)
Next… In contrast to the [exposition etc], the [falling action etc]...
This changes when…
At the end…

Evidential phrases
Through [techniques and details], we can see…
The director shows us [thesis/keywords] through [evidence] when…
The director constructs for us [concept/theme] through...
When the director uses [technique], we see…
The combination of [technique 1] and [technique 2] emphasises…
[Technique 1 and/or 2] are effective because...

Explanatory phrases
Therefore, ... This suggests/implies…
Consequently, ... Despite this, ...
Because of this, …

Developing phrases Comparing/contrasting phrases

Moreover, ... This contrasts with…
Furthermore, ... Conversely...
Additionally, ... Unlike [an earlier point/ concept/ real life generalisation], this…
However, ...

Reaching phrases
From this we learn/realise/are challenged...
This is significant because…
At this point, the character/the reader learns...
This implies/suggests that…
The audience is encouraged to respond…
We are positioned to think/feel…
While [demographic 1] would…., [demographic 2] might respond…
From [perspective 1]...; meanwhile, [perspective 2]...

Patterns of technique
...recurs…. ...echoes…
...foreshadows… ...deviates…
...reemerges… ...fulfils/challenges audience expectations...

Summative phrases
In conclusion, …
Ultimately, ...
Consequently, ...
Therefore, it can be understood...
Altogether, …
Overall, it becomes evident...
 PROOF CHECKING GUIDE
Check for: This should be: 1.5 1.5
1st Second
hand in hand in

If you have used a capital Check that it is because you have written one of these three things:
letter, ● The pronoun ‘I’
● The first word of a sentence or quote/piece of dialogue
● A proper noun e.g. Rangitoto College, America, John Smith

If you have used an Check that it is because you have:

apostrophe ( ‘ ), ● Shown that something ‘belongs’ or ‘is of’ something else (possessive apostrophe)
● Your essay SHOULD NOT contain contractive apostrophes (can’t, he’ll, wouldn’t).
Instead write the words out in full (can not, he will, would not).

If you have used a comma Check that it is because you have used it when:
( , ), ● Your sentence begins with a subordinate clause e.g. Although, Because, After, If, Even
though
● You have used parenthetical commas in your sentence
e.g. The witch, who has very green eyes, is very spooky
● You are listing

Otherwise, use a colon, semicolon, a coordinating conjunction, or a full stop.

If you have used a Check that it is because you have joined two independent clauses...
semicolon ( ;), 1) In the same sentence,
2) Without having used a coordinating conjunction (ie, a FANBOYS),
3) And that these two independent clauses are closely connected

If you have used a colon Check that it is because you have joined two independent clauses...
( : ), 1) In the same sentence,
2) Without having used a coordinating conjunction (ie, a FANBOYS),
3) And that the second independent clause refines (adds detail to) or draws more
emphasis to the first independent clause

If you have used a Check that:

conjunctive adverb, ● It is because you are showing that two independent clauses are connected, and that
● It is ‘set apart’ from the rest of the independent clause by a comma (or commas)
○ Remember, a conjunctive adverb can be at the start, in the middle, or at
the end of an independent clause

For every sentence you Check that:

have written ● There is at least one independent clause in it, i.e. it has a subject (noun or pronoun),
verb and forms a complete thought
● You have only used one type of tense in your sentence (i.e. present, past or future
tense)
● You do not have a sentence fragment
● The subject and verb agree (both must be in their plural or singular forms)

For a subject you would normally add an ‘s’ to the plural form. The plural of “dog” is
“dogs”. For a verb the opposite is true. “Chase” is the plural form whilst “chases” is
singular
e.g.

The dog (singular form) chases (singular form) the cat

The dogs (plural form) chase (plural form) the cat

If you have used dialogue, Check that when you have used a dialogue:
● You have explained the context (you have made it clear to the reader who is saying
what)
● You have used quotation marks and punctuation correctly - if your sentence ends on
a quote then the full stop should sit inside the quotation marks
e.g. Robin also said that she “loves to ice skate.”

Have you checked for Check for sentence fragments: does every sentence have at least one subject and
syntactic mistakes: one verb and make sense by itself?
Check for comma splices and fused sentences
 New paragraph/essay structure 2023 - Year 11
TDC Paragraph
Structure:
STEP 1 - Topic sentence/s
● Begin your paragraph
by clearly stating the
central idea of the
paragraph.
● This can be done in
one sentence, or, if
necessary, in two or
three sentences.
STEP2 - Developing and
supporting ideas
● Elaborate and
explain the central
idea.
● Give more detail.
● Provide evidence and
analyse - explain and
interpret - this
evidence.
STEP3- - Concluding
sentences
● Present the
argument.
● Explain the
implications of the
ideas discussed.
● Show how the point
Tips for Senior Students General Style Advice for
Seniors
1. Your topic sentence/s must focus on the topic The purpose of an essay is
as well as the central argument you intend to communicate an argument to a
put forward in the paragraph. reader, so rule #1 is: write
2. Everything you write in your essay must be clearly.
demonstrably true. Therefore, avoid writing ● Write accurately.
outrageous topic sentences just for the shock ● Avoid ‘fancy’ language,
value. i.e. convoluted sentences
● An example of an ‘shock value’ opening and vocabulary that is
sentence is, “Human beings are inherently chosen only to sound
dishonest.” This is a fun debate topic, but will academic. Feel free to use
lose the trust of the reader who is expecting a thesaurus, but ensure
an analysis of a piece of literature, a literary that you truly understand
genre, or particular writer’s work. the words you choose,
● A better example would be, “Griffiths claims and that they are the best
that human beings are inherently dishonest, words for the job. Simple,
and yet his central character makes us plain words are often very
question this claim.” effective.
1. Provide more than one piece of evidence. Words to avoid in essays:
One piece of evidence is not enough to ● Quote: unless a character
convince the reader of the validity of your is quoting someone else
argument. in the text, you are
2. Provide a good analysis of each piece of unlikely to need this word.
evidence you use. Remember that evidence Remember, characters
does not stand for itself; it must be and writers do not quote
interpreted in the context of the argument or themselves.
point you are making in order to be valid. ● Proof/prove: literature
3. Be succinct in your explanations. Avoid does not prove anything.
overexplaining each piece of evidence, and It suggests, explores,
do not repeat yourself. Remember the rule: illuminates, analyses,
say it once and say it well. delves, etc. Proof is for
4. Avoid long quotations. Choose your evidence maths.
carefully, and ensure that you understand the ● States: unless it really is a
meaning and relevance of your evidence. statement, use ‘says’. It is
5. Use transitional phrases such as “therefore”, fine to repeat ‘says’. E.g.
“similarly”, “in spite of”, etc. but be very Richard says, “I’ll have her
careful not to overuse them. Ensure that you but I’ll not keep her long.”
use them only when you really need them; If you want to use
you do not need a transitional phrase at the alternative words to ‘says’,
start of every sentence. ensure that they are
accurate. E.g. Richard tells
1. Understand that ‘beyond the text’ does not us, “I’ll have her but I’ll
mean ‘outside of the text’. not keep her long.” This is
Avoid making the mistake of discussing matters accurate because Richard
outside of the text, such as current politics or turns to the audience and
social media (unless it is directly relevant to speaks directly to us.
the text). For example: 2. Avoid dictionary
● A poor example of ‘going beyond the text’ in definitions in your essays.
a discussion of George Orwell’s famous novel, Feel free to look words up
Animal Farm is, “Animal Farm makes us think in the dictionary, but it is
about the behaviour of Donald Trump….”
 made by the writer ● A better example of ‘going beyond the text’ not necessary to include
or writers is would be, “In Animal Farm, George Orwell these definitions in your
important or warns us that there is always the danger that essays.
relevant. the strong will take advantage of the weak. 3. Don’t start your
He shows us that those in powerful positions conclusion with “in
● Go ‘beyond the text’ in society are likely to prey on those too naive conclusion” and don’t use
by demonstrating to realise the implications of their actions.” your conclusion to simply
how the text has 2. Remember not to confuse the reader with repeat your main points,
on-going relevance in the characters in the text. While we can learn word-for-word. Draw your
its comment on or from the texts, we are not the same as the central points together in
understanding of characters and would not behave exactly like an interesting and
how people think, them. For example: succinct way. Make a
act, or behave. ● A poor example of comparing the reader to a concluding comment
character in a text is, “The character Teddy which takes your main
Daniels in Shutter Island teaches us that we argument a step further
must face our problems or we will go mad (if you can).
and begin living in a delusional world.” This is
not true; we are not Teddy Daniels and are
extremely unlikely to live out the life we see
him living on the screen.
● A better example would be, “Teddy Daniels is
an example of a man who has suffered
terrible grief, which causes him extreme
mental anguish. His character gives us insight
into the complexity of the human mind…”

THEME vsTHEMATIC STATEMENT

20 Powerful Thematic Statement Examples

A theme is NOT a theme statement.

- Themes: Love, Justice, Injustice, Family, Struggle, the American Dream, Wealth, Inhumanity
- Thematic Statements: People risk their own identity to find love; Power corrupts humanity; Without
empathy, there can be no justice.
- The great thing about thematic statements is that there can be multiple themes which can be
supported by the evidence.

Write a sentence about what the author believes about that topic.
- Example: In Finding Nemo, the author believes that a person should learn how to trust themselves
and others.
- Hint: Don’t use character names or specific details…keep it universal by using “a person” or “one”
instead!
- Hint: Don’t be too vague! “Family is important” is not a great theme statement, but “One should put
family before all others” is a theme statement.

Cross out “the author believes that” and revise the sentence.
- Example: In Finding Nemo, the author believes that a person should learn how to trust themselves
and others.
- Theme Statement: A person should learn how to trust themselves and others.

REMEMBER that your thematic statement must link to the idea of IDENTITY!!