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Companion Worksheet

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME (BUT IT ISN’T):


MAKING THE JOURNEY FROM “WHAT WILL PEOPLE
THINK?” TO “I AM ENOUGH” (Gotham, 2007)
Brené Brown, Ph.D., MSW

RECOGNIZING SHAME

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DQGJHWEDFNRQ\RXUIHHWIDVWHU

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My shame symptoms include:

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© 2019 2019 Brene
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EXPLORING TRIGGERS AND VULNERABILITIES

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WRWDOO\XQUHDOLVWLF

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3-5 Ideal Identities


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01.

02.

03.

04.

05.

3-5 Unwanted Identities


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01.

02.

03.

04.

05.

2
2 ©Brené
© 2019 2019 Brene
BrownBrown
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Unwanted Identity 1.

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02.:K\LVLWVRXQZDQWHG"

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Unwanted Identity 2.

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02.:K\LVLWVRXQZDQWHG"

03.:KHUHGLGWKHPHVVDJHVWKDWIXHOWKLVLGHQWLW\FRPHIURP"

Unwanted Identity 3.

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02.:K\LVLWVRXQZDQWHG"

03.:KHUHGLGWKHPHVVDJHVWKDWIXHOWKLVLGHQWLW\FRPHIURP"

Unwanted Identity 4.

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02.:K\LVLWVRXQZDQWHG"

03.:KHUHGLGWKHPHVVDJHVWKDWIXHOWKLVLGHQWLW\FRPHIURP"

Unwanted Identity 5.

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02.:K\LVLWVRXQZDQWHG"

03.:KHUHGLGWKHPHVVDJHVWKDWIXHOWKLVLGHQWLW\FRPHIURP"

3
3 ©Brené
© 2019 2019 Brene
BrownBrown
LLC. |LLC. | brenebrown.com
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WRNQRZWKDW,¶PFRPSOH[DQGWKDW,KDYHPDQ\VWUHQJWKVLQFOXGLQJ

01.

02.

03.

STRATEGIES OF DISCONNECTION

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02.:HKDYHDOVROHDUQHGWKHVWUDWHJ\RIPRYLQJWRZDUG7KLVFDQEHVHHQZKHQZHDWWHPSWWRHDUQ
FRQQHFWLRQE\DSSHDVLQJDQGSOHDVLQJ

03.:HKDYHGHYHORSHGZD\VWRPRYHDJDLQVW7KHVHLQFOXGHWU\LQJWRJDLQSRZHURYHURWKHUV
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Reference: Hartling, L., Rosen, W., Walker, M., and Jordan, J. (2000) Shame and humiliation: From isolation to relational
transformation (Work in Progress No. 88). Wellesley, MA: The Stone Center, Wellesley College. To learn more about the
work being done at the Stone Center and the Wellesley Centers for Women, visit www.wcwonline.org.

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4
4 ©Brené
© 2019 2019 Brene
BrownBrown
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CONNECTING

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LVFULWLFDOEHFDXVHZHDOOKDYHWKHEDVLFQHHGWRIHHODFFHSWHGDQGWREHOLHYHWKDWZHEHORQJDQGDUH
YDOXHGIRUZKRZHDUH

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DV,WUDYHOP\SDWK

55 ©Brené
© 2019 2019 Brene
BrownBrown
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