Childresn Stages

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This manual was developed as part of Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (CSAT)
Grant 1 HD8 TI11119-01007, The Salvation Army First Choice Program for Drug-Addicted
Women with Children and the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) Grant R01
DA06162, Drug Abuse Treatment Assessment Research (DATAR).
artners
The Par Par
tners in Parenting
arenting manual was researched and compiled by Norma Bartholomew
and Dr. Danica Knight. Appreciation is expressed to development team members Dr.
Barry Brown, Dr. Lois Chatham, and Dr. Dwayne Simpson for their editorial suggestions,
and to Linda Houser and Charlotte Pevoto for their valuable assistance with layout and
design.
The Par tners in P

artners ar
Par enting training module and all related data collection forms may be
arenting
used for personal, educational, research, and/or information purposes. Permission is hereby
granted to reproduce and distribute copies of these materials (except reprinted passages
from copyrighted sources) for nonprofit educational and nonprofit library purposes, pro-
vided that copies are distributed at or below costs and that credit for author, source, and
copyright are included on each copy. No material may be copied, downloaded, stored in a
retrieval system, or redistributed for any commercial purpose without the express written
permission of Texas Christian University.
For more information, please contact:
Institute of Behavioral Research

Texas Christian University
TCU Box 298740
Fort Worth, TX 76129
(817) 257-7226
(817) 257-7290 (FAX)
Email: ibr@tcu.edu
Web site: www.ibr.tcu.edu
© Copyright 2002 Texas Christian University, Fort Worth, Texas. All rights reserved.
ii A TCU /DATAR Manual

Appendix
List of Supplemental Reading Materials
Page
Iowa State University – Univ
University ersity Extension Ser
University vice
Service
Ages and Stages Series
1-12 Months .................................................................................................................................................................... 199
12-18 Months ................................................................................................................................................................ 203
18-24 Months .............................................................................................................................................................. 205
2-Year-Olds ................................................................................................................................................................... 207
3-Year-Olds ................................................................................................................................................................... 209
4-Year-Olds ................................................................................................................................................................... 211
5-Year-Olds ................................................................................................................................................................... 213
6-8 Years ....................................................................................................................................................................... 215
9-11 Years ....................................................................................................................................................................... 217
Preteen, Young Teen Development ........................................................................................................................... 219
Children
Understanding Children Series
Toys .................................................................................................................................................................................. 221
Sibling Rivalry ................................................................................................................................................................ 225
Language Development ............................................................................................................................................... 229
Learning to Read and Write ....................................................................................................................................... 233
Disciplining Your Preschooler ..................................................................................................................................... 237
Disciplining Your Toddler ............................................................................................................................................. 241
Fears ................................................................................................................................................................................ 245
Self-Esteem .................................................................................................................................................................. 249
Moving to a New Home ................................................................................................................................................ 253
Temper Tantrums .......................................................................................................................................................... 257
Biting ............................................................................................................................................................................... 261
Toilet Training ................................................................................................................................................................ 265
Children and Sleep ........................................................................................................................................................ 269
Childhood Stress: What Parents Can Do .............................................................................................................. 271
All articles referenced above appear by permission of University Extension Service, Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa.
Available: http://www.extension.iastate.edu/pubs/ch.htm Downloaded and printed: 3/21/2000 and 8/6/02.
Partners in Parenting 197

1-12
Months
Babies learn and grow so quickly. By the end of this year
your baby will have almost tripled in size. He or she will
be crawling and maybe even taking a timid first step! Try
to spend lots of time holding, cuddling, and playing with
your little one. You will be richly rewarded with babbles,
smiles, and squeals of laughter.
By 4 months • Baby proof everything! Store toxic substances such as dish-

Physical development washer detergent, make-up, paint, or medicine up high. Put
• weight: 10-18 pounds safety latches on cabinets, and covers on electrical outlets.
Lower crib mattresses so an older infant can’t fall over the
•␣ length: 23-27 inches rail. Cover sharp corners of tables or shelves that your infant
•␣ sleeps about 6 hours before might bump into.
waking during the night • Provide interesting objects for baby to mouth and explore.
•␣ sleeps 14-17 hours daily Square nylon scarves, plastic measuring cups, large wooden
•␣ lifts head and chest when spoons, and colorful washcloths are favorite household toys.
lying on stomach Keep easy-to-swallow objects out of infant’s reach. Baby
should not be allowed to play with anything smaller than a
•␣ holds both eyes in a
half dollar (about 1 1/4 inch).
fixed position
• If your baby is bottle fed, be sure to hold him or her while
•␣ follows a moving object or
feeding. Even if your baby holds the bottle, being held and
person with eyes
cuddled helps develop a strong nurturing parent-child rela-
•␣ grasps rattle or finger tionship. Do not prop an infant drinking from a bottle as it
•␣ wiggles and kicks with arms may cause choking.
and legs • Respect your baby’s natural schedule. Most babies will settle
• rolls over (stomach to back) into a regular routine for eating, sleeping, and soiling their
diapers, but the schedule will vary depending on the baby.
• sits with support
Some babies need to eat more frequently than others. Some
Mental development will sleep through the night early on, others will continue to
wake briefly well into their second year.
•␣ explores objects with mouth
•␣ Talk to your baby. Face your infant when talking so he or
• plays with fingers, hands, she can see you and smile with you. Talk about what you are
toes doing, familiar objects, or people. You may even want to
•␣ reacts to sound of voice, (continued on page 3)
rattle, bell
•␣ turns head toward bright
colors and lights
•␣ recognizes bottle or breast
PM 1530A Revised March 2001

(4 months cont.) •␣ uses finger and thumb to • shows distress if toy is
pick up an object taken away
Social and emotional
•␣ transfers objects from one • squeals, laughs, babbles,
development hand to the other smiles in response
•␣ cries (with tears) to commu- •␣ hair growth begins to cover • likes to be tickled and
nicate pain, fear, discomfort, head touched
or loneliness
Mental development • smiles at own reflection in
•␣ babbles or coos mirror
•␣ loves to be touched and • cries in different ways to say
• raises arms as a sign to be
held close he or she is hurt, wet, hun-
held
gry, or lonely
•␣ responds to a shaking rattle • recognizes family member
or bell • makes noises to voice dis-
names
pleasure or satisfaction
•␣ returns a smile • responds to distress of others
• recognizes and looks for
• responds to peak-a-boo by showing distress or crying
familiar voices and sounds
games • shows mild to severe stress
• learns by using senses like
at separation from parent
By 8 months smell, taste, touch, sight,
hearing
Physical development By 12 months
• focuses eyes on small objects
• weight: 14-23 pounds and reaches for them Physical development
• length: 25-30 inches • looks for ball rolled out of • weight: 17-27 pounds
•␣ first teeth begin to appear sight • length: 27-32 inches
•␣ drools, mouths, and chews • searches for toys hidden • sleeps 11-13 hours at night;
on objects under a blanket, basket, or but may still wake up during
•␣ reaches for cup or spoon container the night
when being fed • explores objects by touching, • takes naps—some babies will
•␣ drinks from a cup with help shaking, banging, and mouthing stop taking a morning nap,
• babbles expressively as if others will continue both
•␣ enjoys some finely chopped, morning and afternoon naps
solid foods talking
• enjoys dropping objects over • begins to refuse bottle or wean
•␣ closes mouth firmly or turns self from breast during day
head when no longer hungry edge of chair or crib
• needs at least 3 meals a day
•␣ may sleep 11-13 hours at Social and emotional with 2 snacks in-between
night although this varies development
greatly • enjoys drinking from a cup
• responds to own name • begins to eat finger foods
•␣ needs 2-3 naps during the
day • shows fear of falling off high • continues to explore every-
places such as table or stairs thing by mouth
•␣ develops a rhythm for feed-
ing, eliminating, sleeping, • spends a great deal of time • enjoys opening and closing
and being awake watching and observing cabinet doors
•␣ true eye color is established • responds differently to • crawls well
strangers and family
•␣ rolls from back to stomach • pulls self to a standing
members
and stomach to back position
• shows fearfulness toward
• sits alone without support • stands alone holding onto
strangers; is friendly to
and holds head erect furniture for support
family members
•␣ raises up on arms and knees • walks holding onto furniture
• imitates sounds, actions,
into crawling position; rocks or with adult help
and facial expressions made
back and forth, but may not
by others
move forward
200 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Mental development • pays attention to Social and emotional
conversations
• says first word development
• claps hands, waves bye,
• says da-da and ma-ma if prompted • copies adult actions such as
or equivalent drinking from a cup, talking
•␣ likes to place objects inside on phone
• “dances” or bounces to music one another
• interested in picture books • responds to name
• likes to watch self in mirror
• expresses fear or anxiety
toward strangers
(continued from page 1) • wants caregiver or parent to
be in constant sight
babble back or echo sounds your baby makes much as you
would in a regular conversation. Even though your infant • offers toys or objects to
cannot understand everything you say, he or she will be others, but expects them to
learning many words that will form the basis for language be returned
later on. •␣ may become attached to a
•␣ Read to your baby. Babies enjoy cuddling on a parent’s lap, favorite toy or blanket
looking at colorful picture books, and hearing the rhythm of • pushes away something he
a parent’s voice. With time they begin to understand that or she does not want
words have meaning and can be used to identify objects.
•␣ Encourage older infants to feed themselves by offering Toys
pieces of banana and soft bread. Give your baby a spoon •␣ pictures on wall
with some mashed potatoes or other sticky food and let him
or her practice eating with a spoon. Yes, it will be messy! Be •␣ mobile of bright and
patient. Learning this skill takes lots of practice! contrasting colors
•␣ Play peek-a-boo. Hide your face behind a blanket, then peek • measuring cups
out at your baby. Older babies will learn to do this them- • crib mirror
selves and will enjoy this game for a long time. • rattles that make a variety
•␣ Give your baby the freedom to move around. Young infants of sounds
enjoy being on their back so they can kick, wiggle, and look • musical toys
around. Older infants need space and time to practice
crawling, creeping, pulling up, and walking. Spending too •␣ xylophone
much time in a walker, play pen, or infant swing may in- • bath toys
hibit the development of these important skills. •␣ spoons
• Help your baby develop a sense of trust and security by • pounding bench
responding to baby’s cries. Feeling secure encourages your
baby to try new things. Be consistent so your baby knows • balls of different sizes
what to expect. •␣ stacking rings
• Stay with your baby when someone new is around. Encour- •␣ board or cloth books
age strangers to approach slowly. Introduce your infant, • large plastic cars, trucks
and let him or her explore someone new in the safety of
your presence. •␣ soft, washable dolls or
animals

Books for parents
Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development, T.
Berry Brazelton
The First Twelve Months of Life: Your Baby’s Growth Month by Month,
Frank Caplan
What to Expect the First Year, Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff and
Sandy Hathaway
Your Baby and Child, From Birth to Age Five, Penelope Leach
The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from
Birth to Age Two, William Sears and Martha Sears
Caring for Your Baby and Child - Birth to Age Five, American Academy of
Pediatrics. Steven P. Shevlov, ed.
Books for children
Baby’s Faces, Ben Argueta
The Rock-A-Bye Collection (audio tape and book), J. Aaron Brown &
Associates, Inc.
Teddy In The House, Lucy Cousins
Touch and Feel: Baby Animals, DK Publishing
Grow! Babies!, Penny Gentieu
Animal Babies, Harry McNaught
Hide and Seek Puppies, Roy Volkmann
A word on development
Your child is unique. His or her learning and • Your pediatrician or health care professional
growth rates differ from other children the same • Area Education Agency—Early Childhood
age. If, however, your child is unable to do Special Education Department
many of the skills listed for this age group, you
may wish to talk to an early childhood special- • Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001.
ist. You are the best person to notice develop- Contact your county Extension office to obtain
mental problems, if any, because of the time other publications about children, parenting,
you spend with your child. If your child has and family life or visit the ISU Extension Web
special needs, early help can make a difference. site at http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Pages/
pubs/.
If you have questions about your child’s develop-
ment or want to have your child assessed, contact:
The developmental information provided in this bulletin

has been compiled from a variety of professional resources
to help you understand your child’s overall growth. It is not
a standardized measurement tool.
. . . and justice for all discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room
File: Family life - 8 The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Independence Avenue,
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or call 202-720-5964.
of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension family life disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director,
specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. Graphic design programs.) Many materials can be made available in Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of
by Valerie Dittmer King. alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint of Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

12-18 Months
The second year is a delightful time for parents and

children. Your baby is developing a personality and
rewards your time together with laughter, funny
faces, and affectionate hugs. First steps and first
words are exciting family events.
Physical development
• weight: 17-30 pounds • Enjoy some “floor time” with your child each day. Crawl around
together, play peek-a-boo behind the sofa, or roll a ball back and
• height: 27-35 inches
forth. Your child will love having you down on his or her level.
• crawls well
• Review your baby proofing. Your child’s increasing growth and
• stands alone, sits down mobility make it possible to reach unsafe heights and play with
• gestures or points to indicate dangerous material. Get down on your knees in each room and
wants look at things from your child’s perspective. Put toxic items like
• likes to push, pull, and paint, dishwashing detergent, medicine, and make-up in high
dump things cupboards, preferably with a safety cabinet latch.
• pulls off hat, socks, and • Put together a box of items that are fun to feel, poke, and squeeze.
mittens You might include plastic margarine tubs, an old sock, tissue
• turns pages in a book paper to crumple, measuring cups of different sizes, a turkey
• stacks 2 blocks baster, a nylon scarf, an egg carton, and paper cups. Choose items
larger than a half-dollar to avoid choking hazards.
• likes to poke, twist, and squeeze
• Relax and have fun dancing to music with your child.
• enjoys flushing toilets and
closing doors • Use bath time to point to some body parts and say them with your
• enjoys carrying small objects baby. Nose, ears, arms, legs, tummy, toes....
while walking, often one in each • Talk frequently to your child to increase his or her language skills
hand and encourage cooperation. You can make dressing time more fun
• holds crayon and scribbles, but by pointing to and identifying body parts and clothes. For instance,
with little control “See this pretty red shirt? The shirt goes over your head. Your
• waves bye-bye and claps hands arms go into the sleeves. What shall we put on your legs?”
• walks without help • Around 18 months your child may begin clinging and become anxious
• enjoys holding spoon when about being separated from you. If possible, reduce separations and
eating, but experiences diffi- be sure that your child is cared for by someone familiar.
culty in getting spoon into
mouth
• rolls a ball to adult on request
PM 1530B Revised May 2001

Mental development
• says 8-20 words you can under-
stand
• looks at person talking to him
or her Books for parents
• says “Hi” or “Bye” if reminded Your Baby and Child, From Birth to Age
• uses expressions like “Oh-oh” Five, Penelope Leach
• asks for something by pointing Caring for Your Baby & Young Child, Birth
or using one word to Age Five, American Academy
• identifies object in a book of Pediatrics, Steven P. Shevlov, ed.
• plays peek-a-boo Books for children

• looks for objects that are hidden Baby! Talk!, Penny Gentieu
or out of sight Baby’s Colors, Neil Ricklen
• understands and follows simple Baby’s First Words, Lars Wik
one-step directions Farm Animals, Phoebe Dunn
• likes to take things apart Goodnight Moon, Margret Wise Brown
Social and emotional Moo, Baa, La La La, Sandra Boynton
development
• becomes upset when separated
from parent
• likes to hand objects to others A word on development
• plays alone on floor with toys Your child is unique. His or her learning and growth rates differ from
• recognizes self in mirror other children the same age. If, however, your child is unable to do
or pictures many of the skills listed for this age group, you may wish to talk to an
• enjoys being held and read to early childhood specialist. You are the best person to notice develop-
• imitates others especially by mental problems, if any, because of the time you spend with your child.
coughing, sneezing, or making
If your child has special needs, early help can make a difference. If you
animal sounds
have questions about your child’s development or want to have your
• enjoys an audience and
applause child assessed, contact:
• Your pediatrician or health care professional
Toys
• nesting cups • Area Education Agency—Early Childhood Special
• bath toys, small boat Education Department
• soft, huggable dolls (large) • Iowa COMPASS 1-800-779-2001.
• large animal pictures Contact your county Extension office to obtain other publications about
• objects to match children, parenting, and family life.
• large, plastic blocks
• musical records or tapes
• soft balls of different sizes
• push cart, dump truck
The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been compiled from
• teddy bear
a variety of professional resources to help you understand your child’s overall
• plastic jar with lid; lids and growth. It is not a standardized measurement tool.
containers
• toy telephone
. . . and justice for all discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Independence Avenue,
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or call 202-720-5964.
File: Family life 8 of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, ISU Extension disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
family life specialist. Graphic design by family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director,
programs.) Many materials can be made available in Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of
Valerie Dittmer King. alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint of Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

18-24 Months
Welcome to the world of toddlerhood! This stage brings a

greater sense of independence to your child as he or she
learns to walk, run, and climb with greater skill. Your
little one now loves to imitate everything you do. Pre-
tending to talk on the phone is a favorite activity.
• weight: 20-32 pounds •␣ Enjoy dancing with your child to music with different rhythms.
• length: 30-37 inches • Talk with your child about everyday things. After 18 months, he or
she will learn new words at a rapid rate.
• walks well
• Read simple books with your child every day. Choose books with
• likes to run, but can’t always cardboard or cloth pages and encourage your child to turn pages.
stop and turn well
• Make your own scrap book of objects or people he or she knows by
• drinks from a straw using a small photo album.
• feeds self with a spoon • Encourage language development by expanding on what your child
• helps wash hands says. When your child says “kitty” you can say “Yes, the kitty is
• stacks 4-6 blocks little and soft.”
• tosses or rolls a large ball • Play a simple game of “find.” Place three familiar toys in front of
your child and say, “Give me the _____.” See if he or she tries to
• opens cabinets, drawers, find it and hand it to you.
and boxes
• Encourage your child to play dress-up by providing a full-length
• bends over to pick up toy with- mirror on the wall and a “pretend box” filled with caps, scarves,
out falling and old shoes.
• walks up steps with help
• takes steps backward
• enjoys sitting on, and moving Mental development • likes to choose between two
small-wheeled riding toys • has a vocabulary of several objects
• begins to gain some control of hundred words, including • hums or tries to sing
bowels and bladder; complete names of a few toys • listens to short rhymes or
control may not be achieved • uses two to three word sen- fingerplays
until around age 3 (boys often tences • points to eyes, ears, or nose
do not complete toilet learning • echoes single words that are when asked
until age 3 1/2) spoken by someone else •␣ uses the words “Please” and
• talks to self and “jabbers” “Thank you” if prompted
expressively • enjoys singing familiar songs
• has “favorite” toys
PM 1530C Revised May 2001

development
• likes to imitate others
• begins to show signs of
independence; says “no” Books for parents
• has difficulty sharing Your Baby and Child, From Birth to Age Five,
• very possessive Penelope Leach
Caring for Your Baby & Young Child, Birth to
• finds it difficult to wait and
Age Five, American Academy of Pediat-
wants it right now!
rics, Steven P. Shevlov, ed
• gets angry sometimes and has
temper tantrums Books for children
• acts shy around strangers All About Baby,ˆStephen Shott
• comforts a distressed friend Animal Time, Tom Arma
or parent Bunny and Me, Adele Aron Greenspun
• refers to self by name Goodnight Moon, Margret Wise Brown
• uses the words “me” The Little Quiet Book, Katharine Ross
and “mine” Trucks, Byron Barton
• enjoys looking at picture books
• tries to do many things alone
• enjoys adult attention
• enjoys pretending (wearing hats, A word on development
talking on phone) Your child is unique. His or her learning and growth rates differ from
• enjoys exploring; gets into other children the same age. If, however, your child is unable to do many
everything, and requires con- of the skills listed for this age group, you may wish to talk to an early
stant supervision
childhood specialist. You are the best person to notice developmental
• generally unable to remember
problems, if any, because of the time you spend with your child. If your
rules
child has special needs, early help can make a difference. If you have
• often gets physically aggressive
when frustrated — slaps, hits questions about your child’s development or want to have your child
• shows affection by returning a assessed, contact:
hug or kiss • Your pediatrician or health care professional
• may become attached to a toy or
blanket • Area Education Agency—Early Childhood Special
Education Department
Toys
• Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001.
• pegboard and pegs, pounding
bench, shape sorter Contact your county Extension office to obtain other publications about
• snap and lock beads, ringstack, children, parenting, and family life.
plastic jar with lid and contain-
ers, beads to string, nesting cups
•␣ soft, huggable dolls (large), teddy
bear, soft balls of different sizes The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been compiled
• animal pictures (large), musical from a variety of professional resources to help you understand your child’s
overall growth. It is not a standardized measurement tool.
records or tapes
• crayon and paper, play dough
• push cart, riding toy, toy tele-
phone
. . . and justice for all
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Independence
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or call 202-
File: Family life 8 basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, 720-5964. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative
disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension or family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
family life specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. programs.) Many materials can be made available in Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension
alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint Service, Iowa State University of Science and
Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King. of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Technology, Ames, Iowa.

2-Year-Olds
Two-year-olds like to be independent! Favorite

words are “Mine” and “No” and “I do it!” A great deal
of time is spent exploring, pushing, pulling, filling,
dumping, and touching.
• Baby proof your house again. Your toddler is now taller and
• weight: 22-38 pounds more skillful at opening doors and getting into mischief.
• height: 32-40 inches • Read aloud to your child every day. Use books with large pic-
• has almost a full set of teeth tures and few words.
• walks up and down stairs by • Try to expand your child’s words. If Anna wants more juice, let her
holding onto railing hear the correct word order, but don’t demand that she imitate you.
• feeds self with spoon If she says “more juice,” say “Anna wants more juice.”
• experiments by touching, • Encourage your child to identify noises like the vacuum, tap
smelling, and tasting water, dogs barking, thunder, airplane, and car.
• likes to push, pull, fill, • Let your child help you with simple chores such as picking up
and dump toys, or putting clothes in the laundry basket. Let your child
name things you are using.
• can turn pages of a book
• Add new information to what your child is saying. “Yes that’s a
• stacks 2-4 objects car, a big, red car.”
• scribbles with crayons • Give toddlers clear and simple choices. “Do you want to drink
or markers milk or juice? Do you want to wear green or blue socks?”
• many children (but not all) will • Know how to handle a temper tantrum
learn to use toilet
- don’t yell or hit the child,
• walks without help
- remain calm,
• walks backwards
- talk in a soothing tone,
• tosses or rolls a large ball
- put your hand gently on child’s arm if possible.
• stoops or squats
• Do not expect toddlers to share or take turns. Right now they
• opens cabinets, drawers are focused on learning how to physically handle themselves
• can bend over to pick up toy and on learning to talk. Learning to share will come later.
without falling • Provide spaces where toddlers can spend time alone. An old
cardboard box or a blanket over a card table works great.
Pm-1530d | Reprinted | June 1995

Mental development
• enjoys simple stories, rhymes,
and songs
• uses 2-3 word sentences
• says names of toys Books for parents
• hums or tries to sing Your Baby and Child, From Birth to age
• enjoys looking at books Five, Penelope Leach
• points to eyes, ears, or nose Caring for Your Baby and Child, Birth
when asked to Age Five, American Academy
of Pediatrics, Steven P. Shevlov, ed
• repeats words
Books for children
Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You
development See?, Bill Martin Jr.
• plays alongside others more Mouse Paint, Ellen Stoll Walsh
than with them The Little Red House, Norma Jean Sawicki
• acts shy around strangers When I Was A Baby, Catherine Anholt
• likes to imitate parents Sounds My Feet Make, Arlene Blanchard
• easily frustrated Harold and The Purple Crayon, David Johnson Leisk
• affectionate—hugs and kisses Mr. Little’s Noisy Truck, Richard Fowler
• insists on trying to do several
tasks without help A word on development
• enjoys simple make-believe Your child is unique. Children’s learning and growth rates differ
like talking on phone, putting from other children their age. If, however, your child is unable to do
on hat many of the skills listed for a certain age group, you may wish to
• very possessive—offers toys to talk to an early childhood specialist.
other children, but then wants You are the best person to notice developmental problems, if any,
them back because of the time you spend with your child. If your child has
special needs, early help can make a difference.
Toys If you have questions about your child’s development or want to
• large blocks, pegboard have your child assessed, contact:
• toy telephone • Your pediatrician or health care professional
• tricycle, rocking horse • Area Education Agency - Early Childhood Special
Education Department
• water and sand toys
• Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001.
• bubbles
Contact your county extension office to obtain other publications
• table and chairs, play dishes
about children, parenting, and family life.
• dress-up clothes
The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been compiled
• shape sorters, 3-4 piece puzzles from a variety of professional resources to help you understand your child’s
• small and large balls overall growth. It is not a standardized measurement tool.
• doll with bottle and blanket
• cars and trucks (large)
• nursery rhyme tapes, books
• large crayons, blunt scissors
• stuffed animals, wooden
animals
File: Family life 8
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension . . .and justice for all Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of
The Iowa Cooperative Extension Service’s programs and May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
family life specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. policies are consistent with pertinent federal and state laws and Department of Agriculture. Robert M. Anderson, Jr., director,
Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King. regulations on nondiscrimination regarding race, color, national Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of
origin, religion, sex, age and disability. Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

3-Year-Olds
The 3-year-old is full of wonder, and spends a lot of

time observing and imitating. They love to spend
time with parents and enjoy helping out with simple
household tasks.
• Make brushing teeth a part of your child’s daily routine.
• weight: 25-44 pounds
• Be patient with toileting — accidents will still happen for a while.
• height: 34-43 inches
• Purchase easy-to-dress clothing.
• develops a taller, thinner, adult-
like appearance • Provide large buttons or old beads to string on a shoe lace.
• develops a full set of baby teeth • Encourage sand and water play.
• sleeps 10-12 hours at night • Show your child how to throw, catch, and kick a ball.
• sleeps through most nights • Show your child how to hop like a rabbit, tiptoe like a bird, waddle
without wetting the bed (occa- like a duck, slither like a snake, and run like a deer.
sional accidents are still quite • Talk frequently, use short sentences, ask questions, and listen.
common)
• Add new information to your child’s sentences. “Yes, that’s a
• uses the toilet with some help flower—it’s a tall, red flower and it smells so good.”
(many boys may not be ready
• Teach your child to memorize his or her first and last name.
for toilet learning until
age 3 1/2) • Ask your child to tell you a story during your reading time.
• puts on shoes (but cannot tie • Sing simple songs with your child.
laces) • Look at baby pictures together and talk about “When you
• dresses self with some help were a baby.”
(buttons, snaps, zippers) • Talk about colors, numbers, and shapes in your everyday conver-
• feeds self (with some spilling) sation. “We need ONE egg. That’s a RED car. The butter is in this
SQUARE box.”
• tries to catch a large ball
• Ask for help with simple tasks such as putting the napkins by each
• throws a ball overhead
plate, socks in the drawer, or stirring the muffin batter.
• kicks a ball forward
• hops on 1 foot
Mental and language development
• walks short distance on tiptoe
• 75-80 percent of speech is • stumbles over words sometimes
• climbs up and down a small understandable; talks in com- — usually not a sign of stuttering
slide by self plete sentences of 3-5 words. • listens attentively to short stories;
• pedals a tricycle “Mommy is drinking juice.” likes familiar stories told without
“There’s a big dog.” any changes in words
PM 1530E Revised April 2001

• repeats words and sounds
• enjoys listening to stories and
repeating simple rhymes
• able to tell simple stories from
pictures or books
• enjoys singing and can carry a Books for parents
simple tune Your Baby and Child, From Birth to Age Five,
• understands “now,” “soon,” and Penolope Leach
“later” Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth
to Age Five, American Academy of Pediat-
• asks who, what, where, and why
rics, Steven P. Shevlov, ed
questions
• stacks 5-7 blocks Books for children
• enjoys playing with clay or play Caps For Sale, Esphyr Slobodkina
dough (pounds, rolls, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
squeezes it) Is It Red? Is It Yellow? Is It Blue?, Tana Hoban
• puts together a 6-piece puzzle All by Myself, Mercer Mayer
• draws a circle and square I Just Forgot, Mercer Mayer
• recognizes everyday sounds I'm Sorry, Sam McBratney
• matches object and picture A Tree Is Nice, Janice Udry
• identifies common colors
• can count 2-3 objects Toys • small table and chairs, crayons,
felt tip markers, play dough,
• nesting toys, cups that stack, glue and paper, paint, paint
Social and emotional puzzles (3-6 pieces) brushes, stickers
development • matching games, small pegs, • puppets, toy animals, dolls
pegboard
• accepts suggestions and follows • balls (different sizes), large
• large wheeled toys, tricycle, blocks
simple directions
slide, wagon
• sometimes shows preference for
one parent (often the parent of A word on development
the opposite sex) Your child is unique. Children’s learning and growth rates differ from
• enjoys helping with simple other children their age. If, however, your child is unable to do many of
household tasks the skills listed for his or her age group, you may wish to talk to an
• can make simple choices be- early childhood specialist. You are the best person to notice develop-
tween two things mental problems, if any, because of the time you spend with your child.
• enjoys making others laugh and If your child has special needs, early help can make a difference. If you
being silly have questions about your child’s development or want to have your
child assessed, contact:
• enjoys playing alone, but near • Your pediatrician or health care professional
other children
• Area Education Agency—Early Childhood Special
• spends a great deal of time Education Department
watching and observing
• Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001.
• enjoys playing with other chil- Contact your county Extension office to obtain other publications
dren briefly, but still does not about children and parenting. Also visit the ISU Extension Web
cooperate or share well site at http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Pages/pubs/
• enjoys hearing stories about
self, playing “house,” imitating The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been compiled
from a variety of professional resources to help you understand your child’s
• can answer the question, “are overall growth. It is not a standardized measurement tool.
you a boy or a girl?”
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension family life specialist. Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King.
File: Family life 8
. . . and justice for all to all programs.) Many materials can be made available Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science
age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250- and Technology, Ames, Iowa.
marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of

4-Year-Olds
Energetic and imaginative best describes the four-

year-old. They are able to learn new words quickly,
and use them in chatting with you, telling you jokes
and wild stories.
• Read aloud each day and encourage your child to help you tell
• weight: 27-50 pounds the story.
• height: 37-46 inches • Talk about reading. Show your child that words are everywhere:
• uses a spoon, fork, and dinner grocery labels, restaurant menus, department store signs, etc.
knife skillfully • Encourage your child to play with words by providing old cou-
• needs 10-12 hours sleep pons, junk mail, newspaper ads, and old cereal boxes.
each night • Ask your child to deliver short messages to family members.
• dresses self without much help • Say nursery rhymes and fingerplays together.
• walks a straight line • Make playdough, play follow the leader.
• hops on 1 foot • Cut out magazine pictures of different shapes, colors, or animals.
• pedals and steers a tricycle • Talk about things being in, on, under, behind, beside, etc.
skillfully
• Pretend to walk like various animals.
• jumps over objects 5-6 inches
high • Sort and count everything in sight like silverware, socks, rocks.
• runs, jumps, hops, skips • Teach your child the correct use of the telephone.
around obstacles with ease • Let your child help you plan activities and make lists for grocer-
• stacks 10 or more blocks ies, errands, etc.
• forms shapes and objects out
of clay or play dough
Mental development
• threads small beads on
a string • can place objects in a line from largest to smallest
• catches, bounces, and throws • can recognize some letters if taught and may be able to print name
a ball easily • recognizes familiar words in simple books or signs (STOP sign)
• understands the concepts of tallest, biggest, same, more, on, in,
under, and above
• counts 1-7 objects out loud
• understands the order of daily routines (breakfast before lunch,
lunch before dinner, dinner before bedtime)
Pm-1530f | July 1993

• speaks fairly complex sen-
tences. “The baby ate the
cookie before I could put it on
the table.”
• enjoys singing simple songs,
rhymes, and nonsense words Books for children
• adapts language to listener’s May I Bring a Friend?, De Regniefs and
level of understanding. To Beatrice Schenk
baby sister: “Daddy go bye
bye.” To Mother: “Daddy went Blackboard Bear, Martha Alexander
to the store to buy food.” Imogene’s Antlers, David Small
• learns name, address, and Bedtime for Frances, Russell Hoban and
phone number if taught Lillian Hoban
• asks and answers who, what, No Ducks in Our Bathtub, Martha
when, why, where questions Alexander
• continues 1 activity for I Want To Paint My Bathroom Blue, Ruth
10-15 minutes Kraus
• names 6-8 colors and If You Give A Mouse A Cookie By Laura
3 shapes Joffe Numeroff
• follows two unrelated direc- What Do You Do With A Kangaroo?, Mercer Mayer
tions: “Put your milk on the
table and get your coat on” • expresses anger verbally rather than physically (most of the time)
• pretending goes far beyond “playing house” to more elaborate
Social and emotional settings like fire station, school, shoe store, ice cream shop
development • loves to tell jokes that may not make any sense at all to adults
• takes turns and shares (most
of the time); may still be bossy Toys
• understands and obeys simple • matching games, puzzles 12-15 pieces, board games, dominoes,
rules (most of the time) play money, pretend cash register
• changes the rules of a game as • plastic blocks, balls (all sizes)
she goes along • glue, crayons, paint, scissors and paper, washable markers,
• likes to talk and carries on colored chalk, play dough
elaborate conversations • trucks and cars, bicycle with training wheels, dress-up clothes
• persistently asks why; may • puppets, books, bean bags, doll with clothes
name call, tattle freely
• enjoys showing off and brag- A word on development
ging about possessions Your child is unique. Her learning and growth rates differ from
• fearful of the dark and monsters other children her age. If, however, your child is unable to do many
of the skills listed for his age group, you may wish to talk to an early
• begins to understand danger childhood specialist.
— at times can become quite You are the best person to notice developmental problems, if any,
fearful because of the time you spend with your child. If your child has
• has difficulty separating make- special needs, early help can make a difference.
believe from reality If you have questions about your child’s development or want to
have your child assessed, contact:
• lies sometimes to protect self • Your pediatrician or health care professional
and friends, but doesn’t truly • Area Education Agency—Early Childhood Special
understand the concept of Education Department
lying — imagination often gets • Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001.
in the way Contact your county Extension office to obtain other publications
• likes to shock others by using about children, parenting, and family life.
“forbidden” words The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been synthesized
• still throws tantrums over from a variety of professional resources to help you understand your child’s
minor frustrations overall growth. It is not a standardized measurement tool.
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension family life . . .and justice for all Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and
The Iowa Cooperative Extension Service’s programs and policies are Technology and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperating.
specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. Graphic design by consistent with pertinent federal and state laws and regulations on Robert M. Anderson, Jr., director, Ames, Iowa. Distributed in furtherance of the
Valerie Dittmer King. nondiscrimination regarding race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age and Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914.
disibility.

5-Year-Olds
The 5-year-old is cheerful, energetic, and enthusi-

astic. Fives enjoy planning and discussing who will
do what. A “best friend” is very important, but hard
to keep as social skills are not well developed yet.
• weight: 31-57 pounds
• Encourage physical development by playing follow the leader with
• height: 39-48 inches skipping, galloping, and hopping.
• sleeps 10-11 hours at night • Help your child learn to use a pair of scissors by asking him or her
• may begin to loose baby teeth to help you cut out coupons.
• able to dress self with little • Stop before the end of a familiar story and ask your child to add
assistance his or her own ending.
• Ask your child to tell you a story. Write it down and post it on the
• learns to skip
wall or refrigerator.
• throws ball overhead • Ask “what if” questions? What if there were five little pigs instead of
• catches bounced balls three? What if Goldilocks stayed home?
• rides a tricycle skillfully, may • Involve children in writing “thank you” notes, holiday greeting cards,
show interest in riding a bicycle and letters. If your child likes to copy letters, let him or her dictate
with training wheels a short message and copy it from your writing.
• uses a fork and knife well • Give your child opportunities to sort, group, match, count, and
sequence with real-life situations such as setting the table, count-
• cuts on a line with scissors
ing the number of turns, and sorting out socks.
• hand dominance is established
• Help children understand and cope with strong feelings by giving
• jumps over low objects them words to use when they are angry. “I can see you are sad
about going home, angry at your friend ....”
Mental development • Observe how your child plays with other children. Teach him or her
• knows basic colors like red, to request, bargain, negotiate, and apologize.
yellow, blue, green, orange • Specific praise helps your child understand the true value of his or
• able to memorize address and her actions. Say “I like the way you stacked the toys neatly on the
phone number shelf” rather than “You did a good job!”
• understands that stories have a • Provide a comfortable place to be alone. A large cardboard box
beginning, middle, and end makes a wonderful hideaway.
• enjoys telling his or her own
stories
• understands that books are
read from left to right, top to
bottom
• enjoys riddles and jokes
• draws pictures that represent
animals, people, and objects
PM 1530G Revised April 2001

• enjoys tracing or copying letters
• sorts objects by size
• identifies some letters of the
alphabet and a few numbers
• understands more, less,
Books for parents
and same Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth
• counts up to 10 objects to Age 5, American Academy of Pediatrics,
Steven P. Shevlov, ed.
• understands before and after,
Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five,
above and below
Penelope Leach
• is project minded—plans buildings,
play scenarios, and drawings Books for children
• interested in cause and effect Ira Sleeps Over, Bernard Waber
Little Bear, Else Holmelund Minarik
Whistle for Willie, Ezra Jack Keats
Social and emotional Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day,
development Judith Viorst
• invents games with simple rules Are You My Mother?, Philip D. Eastman
Harry and the Terrible Whatzit, Dick Gackenbach
• organizes other children and
toys for pretend play
• still confuses fantasy with Toys
reality sometimes
• board games, card games, domi- • puppets; doll, clothes,
• can take turns and share but noes, puzzles (12 -15 pieces) dollhouse; dress-up clothes
doesn’t always want to
• blocks (plastic or wooden); play • trucks, cars, large cardboard
• often excludes other children in dough boxes (large appliance size)
play — best friends only
• glue, scissors, paper, washable • child-size tools; camping equipment
• uses swear words or “bathroom markers, crayons, water colors
words” to get attention
• can be very bossy sometimes A word on development
• likes to try new things and take Your child is unique. His or her learning and growth rates differ from
risks other children the same age. If, however, your child is unable to do
• likes to make own decisions many of the skills listed for this age group, you may wish to talk to an
• notices when another child is early childhood specialist. You are the best person to notice develop-
angry or sad—more sensitive to mental problems, if any, because of the time you spend with your
feelings of others child. If your child has special needs, early help can make a difference.
• likes to feel grown up; boasts
about self to younger less If you have questions about your child’s development or want to have
capable children your child assessed, contact:
• has a very basic understanding • Your pediatrician or health care professional
of right and wrong
• Area Education Agency—Early Childhood Special Education Department
• understands and respects
rules—often asks permission • Iowa Compass 1-800-779-2001
• understands and enjoys both Contact your county Extension office to obtain other publications
giving and receiving about children, parenting, and family life. Also visit the ISU Exten-
• enjoys collecting things sion Web site at http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Pages/pubs/.
• sometimes needs to get away
and be alone The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been compiled
File: Family life 8 . . . and justice for all USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Building, 14th and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington,
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis DC 20250-9410 or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance
of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, disability, of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30,
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of
family life specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
Many materials can be made available in alternative formats Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and
Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King. for ADA clients. To file a complaint of discrimination, write Technology, Ames, Iowa.

6-8 Years
Your school-ager is now ready for a steady pace of growing

and learning, one in which real life tasks and activities
overtake pretend and fantasy. Equipped with a longer
attention span, your child also is ready to delve into
projects, solve problems, and resolve arguments!
• skilled at using scissors and
• Provide opportunities for active play. Throwing at targets, running,
small tools
jumping rope, tumbling, and aerobics may be of interest.
• shows development of
• Provide opportunities to develop an understanding of rules by
permanent teeth
playing simple table games: cards, dominoes, tic-tac-toe.
• enjoys testing muscle strength
• Provide opportunities for your child to do noncompetitive team
and skills
activities such as working a jigsaw puzzle or planting a garden.
• has good sense of balance
• Encourage your child’s sense of accomplishment by providing
• can tie shoelaces opportunities to build models, cook, make crafts, practice music, or
• enjoys copying designs and work with wood.
shapes, letters and numbers • Encourage collections by allowing your child to make special stor-
• may have gawky awkward age boxes or books.
appearance from long arms and • Encourage reading and writing by encouraging your child to pro-
legs duce stories with scripts, create music for plays and puppet shows,
produce a newspaper, record events, go on field trips, or conduct
experiments.
Mental development
• Help your child explore the world by taking field trips to museums,
• may reverse printed letters (b/d) work places, and other neighborhoods.
• enjoys planning and building
• doubles speaking and listening
vocabularies Social and emotional development
• may show a stronger interest in • being with friends becomes • wants to play more with similar
reading increasingly important friends—girls with girls, boys
• increases problem-solving ability • shows interest in rules and with boys
• has longer attention span rituals • may have a “best” friend and
“enemy”
• enjoys creating elaborate collec-
tions
• shows ability to learn difference
between left and right
• can begin to understand time
and the days of the week
PM 1530H Revised May 2001

• shows strong desire to perform
well, do things right
• begins to see things from an-
other child’s point of view, but
Books for parents
still very self-centered
Parent’s Guide for the Best Books for Chil-
• finds criticism or failure difficult dren, Eden Ross Lipson
to handle How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So
Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elizabeth
• views things as black and white, Mazlish
right or wrong, wonderful or Caring for Your School-age Child: Ages 5 to
12, American Academy of Pediatrics
terrible, with very little middle
ground Books for children
• seeks a sense of security in A Chair for My Mother, Vera Williams
groups, organized play, and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very Bad Day, Judith
Viorst
clubs
Anna Banana and Me, Lenore Blegvard
• generally enjoys caring for and Everybody Needs A Rock, Byrd Baylor
playing with younger children The Garden of Abdul Gasazi, Chris Van Allsburg
The Kid Next Door and Other Headaches: Stories About Adam Joshua,
• may become upset when behav- Janice Lee Smith
ior or schoolwork is ignored Little House in the Big Woods, Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ramona, Beverly Cleary
Toy list A word on development

• arts and crafts materials Your child is unique. Each child’s learning and growth rates differ from
• musical instruments other children the same age.
• sports equipment If, however, your child is unable to do many of the skills listed for his or
her age group, you may wish to talk to an early childhood specialist.
• camping equipment You are the best person to notice developmental problems, if any,
• construction sets because of the time you spend with your child. If your child has special
needs, early help can make a difference.
• electric trains
If you have questions about your child’s development or want to have
• bicycles (use helmets) your child tested, contact:
• models • Your pediatrician or health care professional
• The local health department
• board games
• Area Education Agency - Early Childhood Special Education Consultant
• skateboard (use helmets) • Iowa COMPASS 1-800-779-2001, TTY: 1-877-686-0032
Contact your county extension office to obtain other publications about
children, parenting and family life.
The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been combined
. . . and justice for all Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis of call 202-720-5964.
race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, disability, Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, ISU political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family status. May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
(Not all prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many materials Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director,
Extension human development specialist.
can be made available in alternative formats for ADA clients. Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of
Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King. To file a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

9-11 Years
Friendships and accomplishments are important to older

children. Secret codes, made-up languages, and pass-
words are used to strengthen the bonds of friendship. Be
prepared to use all your “patience” skills as your child
may tend to think that he or she does not need adult
care or supervision.
Girls:
• are generally as much as 2
years ahead of boys in • Provide opportunities for older school-agers to help out with
physical maturity real skills. Cooking, sewing, and designing dramatic play
• may begin to menstruate props are useful ways to use their skills.
Boys and girls:
• Provide time and space for an older child to be alone. Time to
• have increased body strength
and hand dexterity read, daydream, or do school work uninterrupted will be
• show improved coordination appreciated.
and reaction time
• Encourage your child to make a call to a school friend.
• may begin to grow rapidly at
the end of this age period • Encourage your child to participate in an organized club or
youth group. Many groups encourage skill development with
Mental development projects or activities than can be worked on in the home.
• shows interest in reading • Encourage your older child to help with a younger one but
fictional stories, magazines,
and how-to project books avoid burdening older children with too many adult responsi-
• may develop special interest bilities. Allow time for play and relaxation.
in collection or hobbies
• Provide opportunities for older children to play games of
• fantasizes and daydreams
about the future strategy. Checkers, chess, and monopoly are favorites.
• enjoys planning and organiz- • Remember to provide plenty of food. Older children have larger
ing tasks
appetites than younger children and will need to eat more.
• becomes more product and
goal oriented
• has great ideas and inten-
tions, but difficulty following
through
• enjoys games with more
complex rules
PM 1530i Revised May 2001

development
• begins to see that parents
and authority figures can Books for parents
make mistakes and are not Parent’s Guide for the Best Books for
always right Children, Eden Ross Lipson
• often likes rituals, rules, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and
secret codes, and made-up Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber
languages and Elizabeth Mazlish
• enjoys being a member of a Caring for Your School-age Child: Ages 5
club to 12, American Academy of Pediatrics
• has increased interest in
competitive sports
Books for children
• has better control of anger
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret,
• may belittle or defy adult Judy Blume
authority
Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
• shows interest in opposite How It Feels to Be Adopted, Jill Krementz
sex by teasing, joking, show-
ing off How To Eat Fried Worms, Thomas Rockwell
The Indian in the Cupboard, Lynn Banks
• prefers spending more time
with friends than with par- Nothing’s Fair in Fifth Grade, Barthe DeClements
ents The Oxford Book of Poetry for Children, compiled by Edward
• may sometimes be verbally Blishen
cruel to classmates with Ramona’s World, Beverly Cleary
harsh “put downs” and snide Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Judy Blume
remarks
• tends to see things as right
or wrong, with no room for
difference of opinion A word on development
Your child is unique. Each child’s learning and growth rates
Toys and hobbies differ from other children the same age.
• arts and crafts materials If, however, your child is unable to do many of the skills listed
• musical instruments for his or her age group, you may wish to talk to an early child-
• sports equipment hood specialist. You are the best person to notice developmental
problems, if any, because of the time you spend with your child. If
• camping equipment your child has special needs, early help can make a difference.
• construction sets If you have questions about your child’s development or want to
• electric trains have your child tested, contact:
• bicycles (26-inch wheels for • Your pediatrician or health care professional
kids 10 and older; use hel- • The local health department
mets)
• Area Education Agency - Early Childhood Special Education
• models Consultant
• board games • Compass 1-800-779-2001.
• skates Contact your county extension office to obtain other publications
about children, parenting and family life.
The developmental information provided in this bulletin has been combined
File: Family Life 8
. . . and justice for all Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis of or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative
race, color, national origin, gender, religion, age, disability, Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in
human development specialist. Edited by political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family status. cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
Muktha Jost. Graphic design by Valerie (Not all prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many materials Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension
can be made available in alternative formats for ADA clients. Service, Iowa State University of Science and Technology,
Dittmer King To file a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Ames, Iowa.

parenting
preteen and early teen
Preteen, Young Teen Development

Parents often have concerns as When your little girl begins to grow up
their children approach the teen (OR I can’t believe how tall she’s getting)
years, and this time can be uncom-
fortable for their children, too. Of John and Linda wonder what’s going on with 12-
course, young people vary greatly year-old Lisa. Always an easy child, Lisa usually
in when and how quickly they gets along well with her parents. Sometimes she
experience the changes of growing had problems, like fighting with her younger brother, but usually
up. However, your preteen likely things have gone smoothly with Lisa. Almost overnight, she has
has begun the transition to the teen become argumentative and gets irritated or angry at the drop of a
years, and will continue to show hat. She spends hours in her room with the door shut or talks on the
changes in his or her body, thinking, telephone with her friends. What happened to the happy-go-lucky
emotions and relations with you child Bill and Linda once knew? Is her behavior normal?
and others. This publication will
discuss typical changes, as well as
individual differences.
feel extremely self-conscious—as if the same kinds of feelings that pre-
Physical changes everyone is watching them. Whether and young teens do, the feelings
Both parents and young people the changes occur early, late or at may be more intense and young
themselves notice physical the same time as most youngsters, people typically give in to impulses
changes during the pre- and early many young people feel they don’t more than do adults.
teen years. Physical growth that look right. Girls may have concerns
occurs during this time is more about menstruation and boys may It helps for parents to understand
rapid than at any time since in- need help understanding that “wet that their pre- and young teen may
fancy. Besides growing bigger and dreams” are normal. be just as uncomfortable with their
taller, the maturing child begins to intense feelings as are their parents.
develop bodily characteristics that It helps for parents to take their
distinguish the male and female children’s feelings seriously while, Changes in thinking
adult. For example, the beginning also letting them know these At the same time that bodies and
of breast development in girls may changes are normal. It’s important emotions are changing, the
start as early as 9 years and as late for parents to talk with both boys youngster’s ability to think in the
as 13. By age 123⁄4, half of the girls and girls about physical changes abstract increases. Beginning at
have begun menstruation. In boys, before they begin to experience age 11 or 12, youngsters are able
enlargement of the testes is the first them. to analyze situations and use
sign of puberty and begins from reason. They are able to think in
about 91⁄2 to 131⁄2. These changes in Emotional changes terms of possibility rather than
sexual development usually The same hormones that cause merely concrete reality. This means
happen before rapid increase in physical growth and maturation that adolescents are able to
height. This sexual maturation also also help create changes in emo- fantasize, speculate, and think more
is related to skin changes, which tions and in relationships with like an adult than younger children.
can cause embarassment for others. Emotional swings can be
teens, too. confusing to both parents and their These abilities can create problems
growing children: the young people in the relationship between pre-
Many pre- and early teens have may feel wonderful one minute and adolescents and their parents.
diffuculty adjusting to these physi- irritable, angry or sad the next Now, more than ever, youth are apt
cal changes. They may begin to minute. Although adults experience to question their parents’ rules and
Pm-1547e | December 1993

values. Young people often are It is important to let your child know adulthood. Research shows that
quick to feel that something is that you still want and expect him or young people typically return to the
“unfair.” As a parent, you may find her to spend time with the family. At values of their families in young
yourself wondering what happened the same time, help your child know adulthood.
to your happy-go-lucky child, who growing independence is important.
pretty much went along with things It may be helpful to set aside Parenting tips
and got along well with you. certain times each week for family The following ideas may help make
activities. your child’s transition to the teen
Social changes years easier for both of you.
■ Importance of friends. There is ■ Loss of self-confidence. Some
a gradual shift during elementary parents are surprised to find that it’s ■ Understand that most changes
school toward greater reliance and common for pre- or young teens to you see in your child are normal.
importance of same-age friends. lose self-confidence. Their young- ■ Listen to your child and take his
Most children by fourth or fifth ster may appear self-assured or or her feelings seriously.
grade enjoy spending much of their even cocky, but beneath the ■ When problems arise, work
free time with friends. Friends surface he or she probably feels together for solutions.
become even more important less confident. In addition to feeling ■ Talk to parents of older children
during the pre- and early teen physically awkward, youth compare to get a sense of perspective.
years. Parents may worry about themselves to some image of what ■ Schedule time for family fun.
peer pressure when, in fact, peers they should look like and they often ■ Realize that your child’s growing
can provide a positive as well as have new concerns about getting signs of independence are normal
negative influence. Good friends along with peers. Youth, as well as and healthy.
with similar values can help your their parents, often worry about
child gain confidence to meet the these years: “Will I have enough Once you realize that changing
changes and adjustments of this friends?” “Will I make the team?” bodies, emotions and new ways of
phase. Youth at this age typically “Will my body look the way it’s thinking and reasoning are normal
enjoy hanging around with “the supposed to?” for pre- and young adolescents,
gang” or having “secret clubs” with you can relax and worry less about
no adults around. They may enjoy Individual differences how your child is “turning out.” It
keeping secrets from parents. This Physical, emotional, cognitive helps to realize that one job for
is normal unless there are signs of (thinking) and social changes are preteens and early teens is to test
dangerous behavior (See Pm- typical for pre- and young teens. the rules, to challenge authority,
1547h, another publication in this However, no two young people will and to begin to think for them-
Parenting series). experience these changes in selves. It’s just as normal for pre-
exactly the same way. Some start and early teens to want to think for
Some parents express sadness the transition as early as 9 while themselves and to do more with
that children at this age spend less others may be 13 or older before friends as it is for toddlers to be
time with the family. While the the changes begin. Also, the child’s curious. The job of parents is to
family continues to be extremely personality and past behavior must have firm expectations and con-
important , preteens and teens do be considered. A child who has tinue to show love and respect for
spend more time with their friends. always had difficulty with change, their preteen, even when their
Some youngsters in middle school or who has had intense feelings as preteen challenges their authority,
and junior high actually seem to be a young child, may have more tests the rules and, at times, puts
embarassed to be seen with difficulty with the preteen stage. down their parents. This is no easy
parents. Parents may feel hurt task! Reading, going to parenting
when their child expresses this It helps to realize that about 80 workshops, and talking to other
feeling but it is usually a normal percent of teens never present parents can make the job easier
sign of independence. When the serious problems to their families or and more fun.
young person feels more confi- get into real trouble. Parents need
dence with friends, the feeling often to know that their influence remains
goes away. strong into the teen years and
For further reading, get copies of

Written by Virginia K. Molgaard, ISU Extension family life specialist, and edited by publications in the Living with your
Laura Miller, extension communications. Prepared as part of PROJECT FAMILY Teenager series, Pm-944a-d, available
at the Social and Behavioral Research Center for Rural Health, Ames, Iowa. at any ISU Extension office.
Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and . . . and justice for all
Technology, and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperat- Iowa State University Extension programs and policies are consistent
ing. Robert M. Anderson, Jr., director, Ames, Iowa. Distributed in with pertinent federal and state laws and regulations on nondiscrimina-
furtherance of the Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914. tion regarding race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, and
disability.

Toys
Fond memories of childhood sight, sound, smell, texture, and

usually bring to mind a favorite taste of things. Objects or toys
toy. A cuddly doll, colorful that can be squeezed, dropped,
crayons, or a special wagon are all poked, twisted, or thrown are
childhood favorites. sure to cause delight. Toddlers
Toys bring a great deal of joy to also enjoy any item that can be
children, but they also can be stacked, poured, opened, closed,
valuable learning tools. Explor- pushed, or pulled.
ing, pretending, and sharing are
just a few of the important skills ■ Preschoolers
children develop when they play. Preschool children learn by
Toys don't have to be expen- doing. They are busy developing
sive. After all, cardboard boxes in new skills. They like drawing,
the backyard and measuring cups painting, and building. They also
in the bathtub are favorite stan- spend a great deal of time pre-
dards. But parents who do wish tending. Dress-up clothes, pre-
to purchase toys may find it tend “props,” and puppets are big
helpful to know what toys to favorites.
choose and which to avoid for Preschoolers are energetic and
children of different ages. active. They need large
balls to roll and throw,
■ Infants and wagons to pull, and
toddlers tricycles to ride.
(continued on p.4)
Infants and toddlers learn
about the world through their
senses. They are interested in the
Pm-1529m | Reprinted | June 1997

Age Toys to choose Toys to avoid Age Toys to choose Toys to avoid
Newborn to •␣ brightly • toys with 2 to 3 years • play dough • toys with
colored objects parts smaller sharp edges
1 year • large crayons
• pictures than 1 1/4 inch • toys with
(about the • peg boards
within view with large small remov-
but out of size of a half able parts
dollar) pieces
reach • small objects
• toys with • low rocking
• mobiles that horses such as beads,
have objects sharp edges coins, or
attached with • toys with • sandbox toys marbles
cords less than detachable • soft balls of • electrical toys
12 inches long small parts different sizes
• lead soldiers
• unbreakable • toys with • cars or wag-
toys that rattle toxic paint ons to push • tricycles with
or squeak seats more
• toys with • simple musical than 12
• washable dolls cords more instruments inches high
or animals than 12 • simple dress- • riding toys
with embroi- inches long up items like
dered eyes • stuffed ani- hats, scarves,
• stacking ring mals with shoes
cones glass or • sturdy riding
• tapes or button eyes toys
records with • balloons • books that
gentle music rhyme
1 to 2 years • push and pull • small toys 3 to 4 years • dolls with • electrical toys
toys that can be simple clothes
swallowed • lead soldiers
• books with • balls, any sizes
cloth or stiff • toys with • flammable
• nonelectrical
pasteboard small remov- trucks, trains costumes
pages able parts
• building • toys with
• nonglass • stuffed ani- blocks sharp edges
mirrors mals with
• toy telephone or small,
• take-apart glass or
button eyes • dress-up removable
toys with
clothes parts
large pieces • toys with
• blocks—foam, sharp edges • sturdy tea sets• riding toys
plastic, or • plastic inter- used in hilly
cardboard locking blocks or inclined
• nested boxes • blunt scissors driveways
or cups • play dough
• musical and • washable
chime toys markers, large
• floating tub crayons
toys • sewing cards
• pounding and • simple board
stacking toys games
• books

Age Toys to choose Toys to avoid Age Toys to choose Toys to avoid
4 to 5 years • building • toxic or oil- 6 to 8 years • construction • kites made of
blocks based paint sets aluminized
• simple con- sets • sled, roller polyester film
struction sets • flammable skates (this material
costumes or conducts
• modeling clay • sewing electricity)
ones that can materials
• nonelectrical be easily • shooting toys,
trains, battery tripped over • simple camera and toys with
operated toys • printing and loud noises
• kites made of
• puppets and aluminized stamp sets like cap guns
puppet theater polyester film • paints, colored • fireworks of
• finger paint (this material pencils any kind
• stencils conducts • sketch pads • sharp-edged
electricity) tools
• board and • kites
card games • electrical toys •␣ electrical toys
• battery
(unless bat- run on house-
• simple musical powered
tery operated) hold current
instruments electrical toys
• shooting toys (Underwriters • bikes or
• small sports
and darts with Laboratory skateboards
equipment
pointed tips approved) ridden with-
• bicycles with
• fireworks of • jigsaw puzzles out helmets
20- inch wheels
any kind
and training • dominoes
wheels (all • lawn darts
• board games
should wear
bike helmets) • simple tool
sets
• books
• dolls
8 to 12 years • hobby materi- • fireworks of

als any kind
• arts and crafts • air rifles,
materials chemistry
• musical sets, darts,
instruments skateboards,
and arrows
• sports equip- (unless used
ment with parental
• camping supervision)
equipment
• construction
sets
• electric trains
• bicycles (26-
inch wheels
for kids ten
and older)

■ School-age dominoes teach math concepts helmets. Studies show that
and problem-solving skills. helmets can reduce severe
Children injuries from a fall.
School-age children feel more Think toy safety • Check all toys periodically for
grown-up and love activities that
More than 120,000 children are breakage and potential haz-
lead to “real products” such as
taken to hospital emergency ards. Damaged toys can be
jewelry, “designer” T-shirts, or
rooms each year for treatment of dangerous and should be
stamp collections. They also
toy-related injuries. Evaluate toys repaired or thrown away
develop a keen interest in sports
for your children from the stand- immediately.
and enjoy having adult-like
point of safety. The following are • Store toys safely. Teach chil-
physical equipment such as soft-
some guidelines. dren to put toys away so they
ball gloves, tennis rackets, or skates.
• Choose toys appropriate to the are not tripping hazards.
They have a better understanding
child’s age. Some toys intended Periodically check toy boxes
of rules and enjoy playing with
for children more than 3 years and shelves for safety.
others. Board games, cards, or
old may contain small parts,
which could present a choking Store toys safely
hazard for infants and toddlers. Toy safety involves choosing
Toddlers should never play the right toy, checking it regularly
with anything that is smaller for damage, and storing it safely.
than a half dollar. One of the greatest dangers in toy
• Think BIG when selecting toys, storage is the toy chest with a
especially for children under free-falling lid. Children are
age three. Big toys without injured when the lid falls on their
small parts can be enjoyed by head, neck, or arms. Upright lids
youngsters of different ages. in trunks and footlockers pose
Keep toys intended for older this kind of hazard.
children, such as games with Open chests or bins, chests
small pieces, marbles, or small with lightweight removable lids,
balls, away from younger children. or chests with sliding doors or
• Keep uninflated balloons out of panels do not present the hazard
reach for children under age 6, of a falling lid.
and discard pieces of broken Low, open shelves where toys
balloons because of the choking can be reached easily and put
hazard. away are a safer alternative and
are often preferred by children.
• Explain and show your Small items such as building
child the proper use of safety blocks or puzzle pieces can be
equipment such as bicycle stored in plastic tubs or boxes.
File: Family Life 8
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, exten- basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of
sion family life specialist. Edited by age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June
marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of
Muktha Jost. Illustration by Lonna apply to all programs.) Many materials can be made Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science
a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of and Technology, Ames, Iowa.
Dittmer King.

Sibling Rivalry
You have a headache and the dog ■ Let siblings express Jennifer has two sons, Jimmy, 5, and
is barking. You cannot get the sales Danny, 4, who had trouble getting
person off the phone and you can their feelings about along since they were very little.
see the long list of chores posted on each other Playing together often ends in grabbing
the refrigerator door. On top of When children complain about toys, calling each other names, and
everything else, your kids are each other, parents often try to talk complaints to Jennifer. At an evening
fighting like crazy with everything them out of their feelings. (“You class on parenting, Jennifer heard that
they’ve got— biting, scratching, and shouldn’t be mad at your sister,” or kids fight less when the parent describes
throwing toys. “Stop complaining. He’s the only what the kids might be feeling. It seemed
brother you have.”) too good to be true, but Jennifer decided
■ Fighting among Instead, acknowledge their anger to give it a try. The next time Danny
came to complain about Jimmy, Jennifer
young children or frustration. Let your children
said, “Sounds like you’re
know that you understand their
Constant fighting, put downs,
anger. That can help them feel better feeling pretty mad
and arguing among children cause
and even treat another child better. at Jimmy.” To her
frustration and concern in most
Use this as a tool to lessen sibling amazement,
parents. Although sibling rivalry
rivalry in several ways. Identify the
can have several reasons, brothers
angry child’s feelings with words,
and sisters often fight to get the
(“You sound furious! You wish he’d
attention of parents or to show power
ask before using your things.”) and
or superiority over another child.
suggest symbolic or creative activity
Some bickering is normal among
(“Would you like to draw a picture
brothers and sisters. Constant
of how mad you feel?”).
arguing, fighting, and creating
You may be surprised at how
potentially dangerous situations,
quickly the anger disappears when
however, are not normal. The
you let your children know that
following are some ideas to help
reduce your frustration over quar- you’re aware of, and understand
relsome siblings and lessen the their frustration.
fighting too.
PM 1529i Reprinted November 1998

Danny looked puzzled for a minute and jacket belongs in the closet.” instead Sherry then made a commitment to
then said, “Yeah, I am mad at him.” She of “Why can’t you hang up your stop comparing Mark to Julie. The next
then heard Danny go to another room clothes like your brother?”) day when she saw Julie hanging up her
and play by himself. Also, avoid praising one child at jacket and Mark dropping his on the
the other's expense. (“You’re sure floor, she resisted the urge to compare
■ Don’t compare better at picking up your toys than the children and said to Mark, “I see a
your brother.”) The child you're coat on the floor that needs hanging up.”
your children praising may feel sorry for the
It’s natural for parents to notice
that one child is more cooperative or
sibling you are criticizing or the ■ Treat children
child may feel superior and look
better behaved in some ways than
down on the other child.
individually, not
another child in the same family.
Sherry and John have 3 children — equally
Comparing siblings, however, does
Mark, 6, Julie, 4, and Todd, 1. Sherry, Parents sometimes believe that
not encourage better behavior, but
in her concern for Julie as “the middle the best way to avoid arguments
intensifies jealousy and envy. It also
child,” got in the habit of pointing out and unhappiness among their
is likely that the child you compare
Julie’s good behavior to Mark. For children is to give equally to each
unfavorably may want to get even
instance, she would say, “Mark, look how child. New clothing for a child often
with the child you praise.
Julie is cleaning up her plate. See if you is matched with something new for
Instead of comparing one child
can finish your dinner, too.” One day the siblings too. Spending time with
unfavorably to another, comment
when Sherry asked the kids to pick up one child often means trying to
only on the behavior that displeases
toys, she heard Mark say to Julie, “I’m spend an equal amount of time with
you. (“I see a brand new jacket on not going to pick up anything. You’re the other.
the floor. That bothers me. This the one who does everything right.” This practice of attempting to give
equally to all the children only
encourages comparisons by the
children who often feel cheated. No
matter how hard you try to make
things the same—portions of favor-
ite food, time spent, or gifts given—
children are bound to find some
way that you’re not being fair.
Children feel special and valued
when you give to each according to
individual need. Instead of telling
children that you love them equally,
privately point out their special
qualities that have nothing to do
with others in the family. (“I love
spending time with you” or “You’re
the only one like you in the whole
world and I love you.”)

■ Don’t take sides separating the children without assigning between the girls. Bob had grown up
blame, Larry and Sue noticed that Lisa getting along well with his older brother
Resist the urge to figure out who
and the baby were getting along better. and Ellen was an only child. It was hard
started the fight. Parents often
for them to accept their daughters’
believe that the older or stronger
child started the fight and should be
■ Let children work it competitiveness and constant fighting.
The fighting was so upsetting to Ellen
punished. Often it’s nearly impossible out for themselves that she would try to settle the argu-
to tell who started the fighting. Even Your children may still argue or
ments the minute they started.
very young children can start a fight bicker. The more you can stay out of
After reading an article in the
when you’re not looking, in the hope their minor fighting, the sooner they
newspaper on sibling rivalry, Bob
that you will punish the older child. will learn to settle their differences
suggested to Ellen that they try letting
Even if you are sure who started themselves. Remember the three B’s.
the girls work out their problems
the fight, taking sides only makes
1. Bear it. Ignore the fighting as themselves. Since both Bob and Ellen
things worse. The “victim” may feel
long as you can. Turn on some worked outside the home, the problem
pleased to have you on his or her
music and pretend you’re not was in the evenings and on weekends.
side, but the one who is blamed
even aware of the bickering. They decided to ignore the fighting as
probably will want to get even with
2. Beat it. When you can’t ignore it long as they could. When Ellen wanted
the other child. Avoid frequent
any longer, go to another room to settle an argument, she was to get
blaming of one child for starting
where you can’t hear it as well. Bob and do something around the house
fights as it may make the child feel
Your children may get the message with him to distract herself.
like a “bad apple” who cannot get
that you’re not going to settle Bob sat down with the girls and
along. Even if punishing the one
things for them. Some parents try explained the new plan. He said, “Mom
who started the fight may stop the
the “bathroom retreat” in which and I have decided that you two are old
behavior temporarily, it may lead to
they lock themselves in the enough to settle your own arguments.
resentment or poor self-esteem in
bathroom with some reading When you have a problem, we’re going
the long run.
material for a short time while the to leave it up to you to come up with a
Instead of taking sides, comment
fighting continues. Obviously, solution. Mom and I are going to stay
on the behavior you can observe. (“I
this option does not work when out of it.” Things seemed to get worse
see two kids fighting” instead of
you are concerned for the safety for a few days, but after a while Bob and
“Bobby, leave her alone.”)
of an infant or when children are Ellen noticed that the fighting was
Larry and Sue were concerned about
out of control. happening less often.
the possibility of 3-year-old Lisa injur-
ing the baby, who was 1 1/2. If the 3. Boot ‘em out! Ask the children to
children were in the same room and the take their fighting somewhere ■ Step in when
baby started crying, Larry assumed that else. (“If you two kids need to children cannot
Lisa was picking on him and usually fight, please do it outside where I
sent her to her room. don’t have to hear it.”) When
work it out
Step in during fighting between
When the situation grew worse, children know you’re not going to
brothers and sisters in the following
Larry talked to his sister. She thought take sides, the fighting often
situations:
that Larry might be making things settles down quickly.
worse by punishing Lisa. She suggested Remember, these ideas only are • when the same fights happen
separating the children when the baby appropriate when the fighting is over and over with no resolution,
cried without scolding or punishing minor and does not appear to be • when the fighting is serious and
Lisa. Next time the baby cried when dangerous. may be dangerous.
Lisa was near him, Larry simply moved Bob and Ellen loved being parents to If the children fight over the same
the baby to a different spot and said their two daughters, aged 5 and 6, issues day in and day out even after
nothing to Lisa. After a few weeks of except for one thing—the fighting you have given opportunities for

them to work it out, you may need At times, fighting that starts as a ■ Give yourself time
to teach conflict resolution skills. Do play fight turns into a serious fight.
The stories at the end of each
this when everyone has calmed Let children know that it’s only a
section make it sound as if the
down and avoid taking sides. play fight when both children agree
fighting can stop like magic if only
For example, teach children how that it’s in fun. When one child is not
you do the right thing. Realistically,
to use a timer to take turns with a having fun, the fighting must stop.
it takes time and persistence for you
plaything. Teach social skills by Laura was worried about the fighting
to learn new ways of treating your
showing them how to ask someone between her two sons, aged 6 and 4. The
children, and for them to learn new
nicely rather than grabbing or fighting got worse after the divorce and
ways of getting along. Don’t give
yelling. Also, ask both children in had Laura concerned about Joey injur-
up. It may even seem like it’s getting
the situation for their ideas on how ing his younger brother, John. One day
worse before it gets better.
to solve the problem between them. she heard John cry out and saw Joey
Learn to let your children express
Even children as young as 4 or 5 can clutching a pair of sharp scissors, ready
their feelings, avoid comparing
come up with useful ideas. to use it like a dagger on John. She
them, and treat each child as an
grabbed the scissors and spanked John,
individual. Their relationships are
■ Stop dangerous but she knew that it would happen
bound to improve. It is possible for
again unless she figured out a better
fighting way to handle it.
you to remain neutral and yet teach
When sibling rivalry turns into your children to stop fighting and
That night, Laura called her friend,
real fighting in which one or both handle differences. Remember that
Jeanne, who had three sons of her own,
children may be injured, parents when you help your children get
and asked for her advice. Jeanne had
must step in. A parent’s job is to along better, you are preparing
seen Laura’s boys in dangerous situa-
protect children from fighting that them for important relationships in
tions before and she gave Laura this
could lead to physical or emotional the future with co-workers, spouses,
advice. “You’ve got to do something to
damage. The following steps can and even their own children.
keep your boys safe, Laura. Spanking
help you deal with problem situa-
and yelling doesn’t seem to help. What
tions without choosing sides.
worked with my boys was to separate
■ References:
1. Describe the situation you see. (“I them without scolding anyone when the Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen,
see two sisters who are getting fighting got bad. Then, when they had Prima Publishing, 1989.
ready to hurt each other.”) calmed down, I would talk to them and Perilous Rivalry: When Siblings
2. Separate the children. (“This let them come up with ideas of how to Become Abusive, Vernon Wiehe,
looks dangerous. Sally, you go to solve the problem that had led to the McMillan, 1991.
the front yard and Janey, you go fighting.” Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele
to the back.”) Next day, when Joey was holding Faber & Elaine Mazlish, W.W.
3. Wait for a cooling down period. John down and pinching him, Laura Norton, 1987.
said, “I see somebody getting hurt.
4. Listen to each child’s point of
John, you go to the TV room and Joey,
view and acknowledge feelings.
you play in the kitchen.” She knew the Written by Virginia Molgaard, Ph.D., extension
human development specialist. Illustrated by
5. Work out a possible solution problem wasn’t over, but at least she Lonna Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie
together for dealing with the had prevented injury and hadn’t made Dittmer King.
problem in the future. Joey feel like getting even with John File: Family life 8
later on.
. . . and justice for all to all programs.) Many materials can be made available Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and
age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250- Technology, Ames, Iowa.
marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of 10/99

Language
development
What could be more exciting Nurture your child’s Nurture your child’s
than hearing your baby’s first language skills language skills
word? As that first word grows
• When babies babble, gurgle, and • Teach babies their names and
into a sentence and later into
coo, respond with the same names of familiar objects.
conversation, you will be watch-
sounds. • Talk to them about what you
ing a miracle—the miracle of
language development. • Talk with infants when you are doing: “Now I am getting
As a parent, you are your feed, dress, or play with them. Sara’s socks.”
child’s first teacher. When you • Sing songs.
take time to listen, talk, read, sing, • Play soft music.
and play games with your child,
you help teach important lan- ■ Age 6 to 12 months
guage skills that last a lifetime.
Typical language skills
■ Age 0 to 6 months • Waves bye-bye.
Typical language skills • Responds to name.
• Cries in different ways to say, • Understands names of some

“I’m hurt, wet, hungry, or familiar objects.
lonely.” • Shows interest in picture books.
• Makes noises to voice displea- • Pays attention to conversation.
sure or satisfaction. • Says first word (maybe).
• Babbles. • Babbles expressively as if
• Recognizes and looks for talking.
familiar voices and sounds. • Says “Da-da” and “Ma-ma”
(maybe)
Pm-1529f Reprinted Jule 1998

• Play peek-a-boo. • Speak clearly and simply; ■ Age 2 to 3 years
• Hold babies in your lap and “baby talk” confuses children
show them pictures in maga- who are learning to talk.
• Identifies up to 10 pictures in a
zines and books.
• Sing simple songs.
■ Age 18 months to book when objects are named.
• Uses simple phrases and
2 years sentences.
■ Age 12 to 18 months Typical language skills
• Responds when called by name.
Typical language skills • Says about 50 words, but can
• Responds to simple directions.
• Identifies family members and understand many more.
familiar objects. • Starts to say plural and past
• Echoes single words that are
tense words.
• Points to a few body parts such spoken by someone else.
as nose, ears. • Enjoys simple stories, rhymes,
• Talks to self and jabbers
and songs.
• Follows simple, one-step expressively.
instructions. • Uses two- to three-word
• Says names of toys and familiar
• Says two or more words. objects. sentences.
• Imitates familiar noises like • Uses two to three word sen- • Enjoys looking at books.
cars, planes, birds. tences like “Daddy bye-bye,” • Points to eyes, ears, or nose
“All gone.” when asked.
• Repeats a few words.
• Hums or tries to sing simple songs. • Repeats words spoken by
• Looks at person talking.
someone else.
• Listens to short rhymes or
• Says “Hi” or “Bye” if reminded.
fingerplays. • Vocabulary expands up to
• Uses expressions like “Oh-oh.” 500 words.
• Points to eyes, ears, or nose
• Asks for something by pointing when asked. Nurture your child’s
or using one word.
• Uses the words “Bye,” “Hi,” language skills
• Identifies an object in a “Please,” and “Thank you” if • Play word games like “This Little
picture book. prompted. Piggy” or “High as a House.”
Nurture your child’s Nurture your child’s • Listen, talk, and read with your
language skills language skills
child every day.
• Teach your child names of • Teach your child simple songs
• Read at least one book to your
people, body parts, and objects. and nursery rhymes.
child every day.
• Teach sounds that different
things make.
• Encourage your child to repeat ■ Age 3 to 4 years
short sentences. Typical language skills
• Read simple stories. • Give simple instructions. • Talks so 75 to 80 percent of
• Make a scrapbook with bright (“Give the book to Jon.”) speech is understandable.
pictures of familiar objects such • Read rhymes with interesting • Says own first and last name.
as people, flowers, houses, and sounds, especially those accom- • Understands location words
animals to “read.” panied by actions or pictures. like over, under, on, and in.

• Understands now, soon, and later. • Give children a few books of Nurture your child’s
• Asks who, what, where, and their own and show them how language skills
why questions. to take good care of them.
• Visit the public library regularly.
• Talks in complete sentences of
3 to 5 words: “Mommy is drink-
■ Age 4 to 5 years • Play games that encourage
counting and color naming.
ing juice.” “There’s a big dog.” Typical language skills • Encourage children to tell you
• Stumbles over words some- • Recognizes some letters if taught stories.
times—usually not a sign and may be able to print own • Help children create their own
of stuttering. name. story books with magazine
• Enjoys repeating words and • Recognizes familiar words in pictures or post cards.
sounds over and over. simple books or signs (STOP • Read books with poems and
• Listens attentively to short sign, fast food signs). songs.
stories and books. • Speaks in fairly complex • Take turns telling jokes.
• Likes familiar stories told sentences—“The baby ate the
• Record your child telling a
without any changes in words. cookie before I could put it on
story or singing a song.
• Enjoys listening to stories and the table.”
repeating simple rhymes. • Enjoys singing simple songs,
• Enjoys telling simple stories rhymes, and nonsense words.
from pictures or books. • Adapts language to listener’s
• Likes to sing and can carry a level of understanding. To
simple tune. baby sister: “Daddy go
bye-bye.” To mother:
• Recognizes common everyday
“Daddy went to the store.”
sounds.
• Learns name, address, and
• Identifies common colors such
phone number if taught.
as red, blue, yellow, green.
• Asks and answers who, what,
Nurture your child’s why, where, and what if
language skills questions.
• Include your child in everyday • Names six to eight colors and
conversation. Talk about what three shapes.
you are going to do, ask ques- • Follows two unrelated
tions, listen. directions. “Put your milk
• Play simple games that teach on the table and get your
concepts like over, under, on, coat on.”
and in. • Likes to talk and carries on
• Read books with poems, songs, elaborate conversations.
and rhymes. • Likes to shock others by
• Encourage your children to using “forbidden” words.
repeat favorite stories. • Loves to tell jokes that may
not make any sense to adults.

■ Age 5 to 6 You may not realize it but you If you would like to learn more
probably know quite a few songs songs and fingerplays check with
from your own childhood. Some your local library for children’s
• Speaks with correct grammar familiar songs you might know are: records and audio-cassette tapes.
and word form.
• “Hokey Pokey”
• Expresses self in pretend play.
• “Farmer in the Dell”
■ Read more about it!
• Writes first name, some letters, For more information about
• “Mulberry Bush”
and numbers. children and families, ask for the
•␣ “Hush Little Baby” following publications from your
• Reads simple words.
• “Eensy, Weensy Spider” county extension office.
Nurture your child’s Kindergarten Ahead, PM 784 (cost)
• “If You’re Happy and You
language skills Know It”
Understanding Children—Learning
• Visit the public library regularly. to read and write, PM 1529e
• “Old MacDonald Had a Farm”
Child’s Play - Fingerplays Plus, PM
• Encourage pretend play. Help Children also delight in finger-
1770 (cost)
children create props from old plays like “This little piggy” and
Puppets for Kids, PM 1229 (cost)
sheets, cardboard boxes, and “Eensy, weensy spider.” You also
Making Toys that Teach,
household items. Show chil- might like to try the following.
NCR 187 (cost)
dren how to label their cre-
So Alive—Three to Five,
ations with simple signs like Old Owl
PM 1431 (cost)
“Shoe Store” or “Tickets.” An owl sat alone on the branch of a
• Encourage children to put on tree (use arm as a branch, raise
■ Books for Children
simple plays and shows. thumb for owl)
The Listening Walk, Paul Showers
She was quiet as quiet as quiet
• Let children help you sort The Snowman, Raymond Briggs
could be
coupons and cut ads out of the Baby’s Favorite Things,
T'was night and her eyes were
newspaper. Marsha Cohen
wide open like this (circle eyes
• Ask your child to help you My First Look at Colors,
with fingers and look around)
locate and find grocery items in Stephen Oliver
She looked all around; not a thing
the grocery store. Gobble, Growl, Grunt, Peter Spier
did she miss.
Push -Pull, Empty -Full, Tana
• Check how many store signs Some little birds perched on the
Hoban
your child can identify when branch of the tree, (fingers of
Are You My Mother? P. Eastman
you are out running errands. other hand fly on tree)
Rosie’s Walk, Pat Hutchins
And sat there as quiet as quiet
■ Try fingerplays could be Caps for Sale, Esphyr Slobodkina
The solemn old owl said
and songs “Whoo-whooo-whooo,” (wave
Can’t carry a tune? Don’t have hand away, fluttering fingers Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension
family life specialist. Graphic design by Valerie
a piano? That’s not a problem with behind back) Dittmer King. Illustrations by Lonna Nachtigal.
young children. Kids love to sing! And jumped at the birds and away File: Family life 8
they flew.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) materials can be made available in alternative Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and
prohibits discrimination in all its programs and formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint of June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
activities on the basis of race, color, national origin, discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson,
gender, religion, age, disability, political beliefs, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Indepen- director, Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State
sexual orientation, and marital or family status. (Not dence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or University of Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.
all prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of 10/99

Learning to
read and write
Learning to read and write is books and learning. Parents also events. As children discover that
an exciting adventure for a young might buy inexpensive cloth stories have a beginning, middle,
child. This adventure can begin in books and allow children to play and an end, they learn to memo-
infancy and last a lifetime. with old magazines. rize and retell stories with amaz-
As children learn that books are ing accuracy! During this stage
for reading — not chewing — and Stage two children become particularly
that pictures and words are differ- Repetition and anticipation interested in details; if parents
ent, they begin to lay the founda- As children grow older they
tion for reading and writing. begin to copy their parents or
older siblings and “pretend to
■ Reading read.” They may ask parents to
read a story over, and over, and
Stage one over! Although parents may tire
Exploring of the same book, children
Although parents do not enjoy the repetition as they
always enjoy it, touching, tasting, anticipate the chain of events.
and even occasional tearing are Repeatedly hearing the story
favorite activities for infants and also helps children develop an
toddlers as they first discover understanding of connected
books. It is never too early to
show books or read to your child.
Read to infants and toddlers and
provide opportunities for them to
explore written material.
Snuggling up in a comfortable
lap while listening to a story sets
the stage for a lifelong love of
PM-1529e | Reprinted | October 1997

skip over a sentence or paragraph read. Following along with a finger • Get your child a library card
in a book, children will protest helps children learn that words are and make regular visits to the
quite loudly! placed in sentences from left to library. Take advantage of
right and in a certain order. story times and special events
Stage three sponsored by your library.
Words as symbols for ideas Stage five • Read to infants and toddlers.
During the third stage, children Focus on meaning They learn to associate reading
begin to develop a basic under- In this final stage of develop- with the comfort and security
standing that the pictures and ment, children begin to focus on of being held and with the won-
words in their book have different the meaning of words. They may derful sound of a parent’s voice.
purposes. Gradually, they under- stop the story repeatedly and ask • Preschoolers enjoy hearing the
stand that written words are “What does this say?” They begin same story over and over
symbols for ideas and thoughts. to recognize simple words from again. When reading books that
their favorite books in other repeat phrases, such as The
Stage four reading materials or places. The House that Jack Built, give young
Identifying and word “STOP” on a corner stop children an opportunity to
matching words sign can cause great excitement. participate by letting them read
In the fourth stage children Reading, listening, and writing the repetitive parts with you.
begin to identify and match are important skills that parents
• Preschoolers love to “pretend”
words. Although they may not can foster early in a child’s life.
to read by telling a favorite
really understand the meaning of The following are some sugges-
story they have memorized.
specific words or sentences, tions for parents to help their
Increase your child’s involve-
children often will run their children in the fascinating world
ment by stopping occasionally
fingers along the sentence of words.
to ask questions or talk about
or point to individual • Establish a regular time every what is waiting for them at the
words as the book is day for reading. Reading a turn of a page. Questions help
story gives children a sense children develop important
of what reading and language skills. Try “How
writing are all about. many pigs are there? Let’s
count them together,” “Why is
the puppy dog sad?” “Can you
show me everything in this
picture that is red?” “What do
you think will happen next?”
• Encourage older children to
read aloud to younger siblings,
or to read aloud a dramatic
piece from a play or a poem.
Most children love to put on a
good performance.

• Help your child understand the • Provide alternative reading • Let your child play with an old
structure of a book by making a materials such as TV schedules, typewriter (provide a supply of
“Me” book using a photo album. old catalogs, and magazines. typing paper).
Collect pictures of family mem- When traveling, read out loud • Write notes to your child about
bers, friends, favorite animals, traffic signs, road signs, and chores and errands and don’t
toys, etc. Albums with sturdy billboards. Check with your forget to include a thank you.
pages are easy to keep clean local librarian for a list of Encourage them to write letters
and allow you to change magazines written specifically and thank you notes to friends
pictures easily. You also can for children. and family members. Take
use snapshots, post cards, • Record a favorite book on tape dictation for a child who
magazines, and catalog pictures. so that your child can read cannot write and read the letter
• Explain the joy and importance along. Older children fre- back for for the child’s
of reading regularly. Before quently enjoy taping books as a approval.
children can become readers, gift for a younger child. • Let children write with
they must learn why people • For more information, ask for colored chalk on a sidewalk or
read and what people do when Ages and Stages, PM 1530a-g, at basement floor.
they read. your county extension office. • Give gifts of pens, pencils,
• Invite your children to help stationery, or a crossword
you read a recipe as you cook. ■ Writing puzzle book.
Read cooking instructions out When children write, they
loud. Point out measurement begin to focus on the details of
markings on measuring cups written words. The following are
and spoons. some ideas to help you encourage
• Show your children how you your child’s writing skills.
must read and write when you • Let your children make
pay bills. Let them open your grocery lists and
junk mail and decide what is to greeting card lists,
be saved or tossed. Encourage record birthdays on
younger children to use junk the family calendar, and
mail in pretend play. make charts for chores.
• Encourage older children to
check the weather predictions
and read movie commercials or
comic strips in the newspaper.
You also might want to help
your child start a collection of
newspaper and magazine
stories about sports, nature,
science, etc.

• Suggest they write for free ■ Read more about it!
pamphlets and samples.
For more information about
Supply them with postcards
children and families, ask for the
and stamps.
following publications from your
• Set up a message center at county extension office.
home and let children fill out So Alive—Three to Five,
phone memo pads. Encourage PM-1431 (cost)
older children to write down Kindergarten Ahead, PM-784 (cost)
messages about their Child’s Play - Art, PM 1770a(cost)
whereabouts or school Child’s Play - Fingerplays Plus,
activities. PM 1770b (cost)
• Buy a diary for older children Puppets for Kids, PM-1229 (cost)
(promise to respect their Understanding Children: Language
privacy). development, PM-1529f
To file a complaint of discrimination, write

File: Family life 8 . . . and justice for all USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326-W,
Whitten Building, 14th and Independence
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or
prohibits discrimination in all its programs and call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, exten- activities on the basis of race, color, national Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8
sion family life specialist. Edited by origin, gender, religion, age, disability, political and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the
Carol Ouverson and Muktha Jost. beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension
Illustrations by Lonna Nachtigal. programs.) Many materials can be made Service, Iowa State University of Science and
Graphic design by Valerie Dittmer King. available in alternative formats for ADA clients. Technology, Ames, Iowa. 7/99

Disciplining your
preschooler
Preschoolers are delightful to Preschoolers like to make variety of approaches to deal with
have around, but at times can be decisions for themselves because behavioral problems.
quite a challenge! Learning how it makes them feel important.
to get along with others and They also are likely to get carried
Set up a safe environment
One of the most important things
follow rules takes lots of practice away and become rather bossy.
a parent can do is to
for preschoolers; learning how to Preschoolers have lots of
establish a safe
guide and discipline preschoolers energy—sometimes more energy
environment.
takes lots of patience for parents. than adults! They play hard, fast,
and furious; then they tire suddenly
■ Understanding and get cranky and irritable.
Preschoolers spend a lot of time
preschool children learning how to get along with
Preschool children are busy
others. “Best friends” are very
learning about the world around
important, but such friendships
them. They ask lots of questions
are brief and may last only a few
and they love to imitate adults.
minutes. Hurt feelings (and
They are learning to share and
sometimes swift kicks) are part of
take turns (but don’t always want
the learning process too.
to). Sometimes they want to play
with others and sometimes they
want to be alone.
■ Ideas for parents
There is no one right way to
Preschoolers also are quite inde-
discipline. An approach that is
pendent. They like to try new things
successful in one situation may
and often take risks. They may try
not work in another. Also, differ-
to shock you at times by using
ent children respond in different
“forbidden words.” Getting atten- ways to disciplining methods.
tion is fun, being ignored is not. Successful parents often use a
PM 1529b Reprinted July 1998

Preschoolers move quickly and Time out Father: Hmm. Wonder why?
love to climb and explore. Take a Many parents like to use a tech- Child: I dunno. Maybe because I
close look at your home including nique called “time out.” A time out wouldn’t let him play.
the exterior, garage, and yard. is just that—a time out or cooling Father: Wonder how both of you
You may be able to avoid some off period. When a child is misbe- could play with the wagon?
accidents. Fix, repair, toss, or lock having or out of control, he or she Child: Maybe he could ride and I
up anything that might be a needs to be removed or isolated could pull!
danger to your child. for a few minutes. Time out can This is an example of active
It also is important to be on the be used with children ages 3 to 12 listening in which the father is
look out for dangerous situations and with as many children as you trying to understand the problem
while running errands or visiting have private places. For young as well as the child’s feelings. The
others with your children. Having children, however, the time out father does not try to end the
a safe place to play and appropri- period needs to be no longer than conversation; instead, he encour-
ate toys to play with can save you 5 minutes or they tend to forget ages it. With the father’s time and
from saying “NO,” making your the reason for the time out. support, the child is able to explore
job as a parent much easier. A time out gives a child a few the situation, understand the
minutes to settle down and think problem, and even offer a solution.
Establish a routine
about what has happened. Par- Sometimes preschoolers do not
Preschoolers need a consistent
ents need to follow-up by talking need an adult to intervene.
routine and reasonable bedtimes.
with the child about the misbehavior. Rather, they need someone who
Their small stomachs and high
Young children do not always will listen and help them work
energy levels frequently need
understand their misdoings. It helps through a problem.
nutritious snacks and meals.
to explain what happened, what Young children still have very
Establishing consistent times for
they should not be doing, and what limited problem-solving skills. The
eating, napping, and playing
they can do instead. They also child in the above example was 5
helps children learn how to pace
need the opportunity to practice the years old. With a 3-year-old in the
themselves. Balance the day with
correct behavior. Keep such dis- same situation, the father may have
active times, quiet times, times to
cussions simple. You might say, “It’s needed to be more direct or offer a
be alone, and times to be with
not OK to hit your sister. Instead, suggestion. For example:
others. Take care of basic needs to
tell her with words that you want Father: Maybe you could both
help prevent frustrating situations
to play with the blocks, too.” sit in the wagon, or maybe one of
with a cranky and whiny child.
you can pull and the other one can
Active listening
Set a good example sit. Which idea do you like best?
Child: John won’t let me ride in
Preschoolers love to imitate
adults. Watch your bad habits
the wagon. Natural or logical
Father: Sounds like you are upset consequences
because your youngster will be
about that. Natural or logical consequences
sure to copy them! If you want
Child: Yeah, he’s mean! help children understand the
your child to use good manners or
Father: Hmm. You sound really connection between their actions
pick up his or her room, be sure to
angry! and the results of their misbehavior.
demonstrate how to do it.
Child: Yeah! I had the wagon first. Natural consequences are
Preschoolers are very interested in
Father: You were playing with results that would naturally
“why” we do things; it helps to
the wagon before John was? happen after a child’s behavior if
explain what you are doing in
Child: Yeah, then he took it away. the parent did not do anything.
very simple terms.

The following examples show
how natural consequences work. Watch your language
Use your words carefully to teach children. Focus on what to do
• Four-year-old Cara was
rather than what not to do.
tossing a quarter around in
the car. Her mother asked her Try saying: Instead of:
to put the quarter in her Slow down and walk. Stop running.
pocket. Cara continued to toss Come hold my hand. Don’t touch anything.
her money and the quarter Keep your feet on the floor. Don’t climb on the couch.
flew out the window. She lost Use your quiet voice inside. Stop screaming and shouting.
her quarter.
• Five-year-old Dena and four- this can work effectively. Withhold
• Five-year-old Juan kept forget-
year-old Peter are fighting. Mom all attention, praise, and support.
ting to put the ball in his toy
says, “Looks like you two are Eventually, the child quits the
box when he came inside from
having trouble getting along. unacceptable behavior because it
playing. One afternoon the ball
Find something that you can play does not bring the desired atten-
disappeared. Juan lost his ball.
with together or you’ll have to tion. This works particularly well
Logical consequences should when a child uses forbidden or
play alone in separate rooms.”
be used whenever natural swear words to get attention.
consequences are dangerous or Redirection
unpractical. For example, it Often, the problem is not what When all else fails
would be dangerous for a child the child is doing, but the way he Sometimes children have a
to experience the natural conse- or she is doing it. In that case, behavioral problem that seems to
quence of running into the street redirecting or teaching the child a happen over and over. When
and getting hit by a car! different way to do the same thing nothing seems to be working, try
Logical consequences happen can be effective. If the child is the who, what, when, where, and
when a parent helps the child drawing on books, remove the how method. Ask yourself,
correct the behavior. A logical books and say, “Books are not for “When does the troublesome
consequence of a child running drawing on.” Offer a substitute at behavior seem to happen?
into the street could be losing the the same time and say, “If you What happens just before and
privilege of playing outside. Dad want to draw on something, draw after? Where does it happen and
might comment, “Looks like you on this paper.” If your child is with whom? How do I usually
will need to play inside. When throwing blocks, you can remove respond? How could I prevent
you can stay out of the street, the blocks and offer a ball to throw. the behavior? What other ap-
then you can play outdoors.” If the child wants to dance on the proaches could I use?”
The following examples also coffee table, help him or her down The best method to find a more
illustrate the use of logical and ask your child to perform for successful way to cope with
consequences. you on the front porch. behavioral problems is to take the
• Four-year-old Alex said time to think about options.
Ignoring the behavior
“Yuck!” and hurled his muffin
Undesirable behavior can some-
across the kitchen. Dad calmly
times be stopped by not paying
picked up the muffin and put
attention to it. In some situations
it in the trash. Dad com-
mented, “When you keep
your food on your plate, then
you can eat.” Alex went
without a snack.

■ Does spanking Preschoolers love to imitate. Most ■ Read more about it!
parents find it more successful to For more information about
work? focus on teaching a child what to children and families contact your
Preschoolers often respond well do rather than what not to do. It may county extension office and ask
to physical action when you need help to think of behavior problems for the following.
to discipline them. Touching them as opportunities to teach your child Is Your Baby Safe at Home, PM 954a-d
on the arm, taking them by the new skills. After all, the word Understanding Children: Temper
hand, picking them up, holding, discipline comes from the word tantrums, PM 1529j
or restraining them are all good disciple, which means to teach. Understanding Children: Toilet
ways to get their attention.
training, PM 1529k
Spanking also will get their ■ Taking care of Understanding Children: Biting,
attention, but doesn’t do a very
good job of teaching children how yourself PM 1529a
Ages & Stages, 1530e-g
to behave. In fact, it generally Parenting preschoolers is
distresses a child so much that he challenging and works better
or she can’t pay attention to your when you remember to take care
explanations and directions. It’s of yourself. Remember to rest, eat
hard to reason with a screaming, well, and relax. Above all else, try
crying child. to maintain a sense of humor.
Spanking and slapping can When you discover your child
quickly get out-of-hand for both dumping flour on the floor or
parents and children. Most re- finger painting with the sour
ported cases of abuse involve cream, remember that someday
loving, well-meaning parents this will be a great story to tell
who lost control. Studies show your grandchildren. Grab a
that children who experience or camera and take a picture! You
witness a great deal of spanking, will want to remember this.
slapping, or hitting are much Honest.
more likely to become aggressive
themselves. Children who are
bullied by older brothers, sisters,
or other children often react by
bullying others. Children who are
spanked frequently often hit
younger children.
File: Family life 8
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension

family life specialist. Illustrations by
Lonna Nachtigal. Graphic design by
Valerie Dittmer King.
. . . and justice for all apply to all programs.) Many materials can be made Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work,
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension Service,
age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250- Iowa State University of Science and Technology,
marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Ames, Iowa. 10/99

Disciplining your
toddler
No doubt about it, toddlers are a ing, grunting, and pointing. Unlike or bite to get (or keep) a favorite
handful! At times, it will seem like babies, however, toddlers can say a toy. In fact, toddlers may spend
they can be in two places at the few words, which can mean many as much time carrying around
same time, and be headed for things. “Cup!” may mean “Hand and protecting toys as they do
trouble in a third one yet. Many a me my cup,” “I want more milk,” playing with them.
parent can recite nerve-racking “The cup just fell off the table,” or
stories of toddlers perched on top of “The dog just stole my cup!” A
the bookcase, or of a fall that re- toddler, with this limited capac-
sulted in an emergency room visit. ity to communicate, is therefore
Setting limits and maintaining very hard to understand.
some kind of control are difficult
tasks with toddlers because they are
Toddlers can try
so independent, yet have so few your patience
skills to communicate and solve Sometimes, toddlers do
problems. The key to disciplining things that drive parents crazy.
your toddler includes love, under- They reach out and grab things
standing, and quick thinking! (like eyeglasses). They are rather
clumsy and awkward with ges-
■ Understanding tures; a loving pat often turns into
an accidental whack. A spoonful
toddlers of peas may wind up on the floor
Toddlers are limited in their rather than in the mouth.
ability to communicate
Toddlers are interesting little Toddlers cannot share
people. Like babies, they still like to Toddlers are also very
be held, talked to, and comforted. possessive. “No,” and
And they still often express them- “Mine,” are favorite words
selves by crying, shrieking, jabber- and they are quite willing to hit
PM 1529c Reprinted February 1997

Toddlers cannot plan Establish a routine able knickknacks at a friend’s home,
their own day Toddlers need naps and rea- perhaps you can distract him or
Toddlers are always “on the sonable bedtimes. Small stomachs her with a stuffed toy. Since young
go” and often play until they need nutritious snacks and meals children’s attention spans are so
“run out of gas.” They have very frequently. Growing bodies need short, distraction is often effective.
little skill at pacing themselves time to run, jump, and play every
day. Riding around all day in a
Redirect
and can be happy one minute
If your toddler is throwing
and cranky the next. Much of car seat, sleeping in a stroller, and
blocks, hammering on tables, or
this behavior depends on the eating fast food is OK once in a
drawing on books, remove the
new skills they are developing. while, but if it’s happening often
materials while saying something
The same toddler who screams you may want to rethink your
like “Blocks are for building, not
for an unreachable cookie may schedule. Taking care of basic
throwing.” At the same time
lead or drag you to the jar and needs can go a long way in
substitute another
point at another time. Learning preventing a cranky, whiny child.
appropriate toy
to do things in a socially accept-
Remove or isolate for the material
able way is a big step for
When a child is running out you just took
a toddler.
into the street or about to get into away and say
the household bleach, there is no “If you
■ How parents time for negotiation. Parents want to
can help MUST remove a child from a throw
Set up a safe environment dangerous situation. Picking up, some-
One of the most important holding, or putting a child in the thing,
things a parent can do is to crib for a few minutes until things throw the bean bag into the
establish a safe environment. can be made safe is perfectly OK. basket.” By redirecting the activ-
“Toddler-proof” your home by Your child may protest loudly, ity into a more acceptable situa-
locking up dangerous chemicals but your primary responsibility is tion, you let children know you
and medicines, covering electri- to keep him or her safe. accept them and their play, and
cal outlets, and storing breakable you channel a problem activity
Distract
objects up high, especially if into a more acceptable activity.
This works especially well with
your toddler is a climber!
very young children. Ignore
You also may want to take a
When a child is doing The goal in this strategy is to
close look at toys and how your
something unac- have the child stop the undesir-
toddler uses them. Getting hit
ceptable, try to call able behavior by not paying
accidentally on the head with a
attention to another attention to it. This can be effec-
foam block is no big deal, but a
activity—perhaps tive in some situations with older
“bonk” on the head with a hard
playing with another toddlers. Withhold all attention,
wooden block is more serious.
toy or reading a praise, and support. Without the
A safe place to play and appro-
book together. The desired attention, children even-
priate toys to play with will save
goal is to temporarily tually quit whatever they’re
you from saying “No” and make
distract the child from doing. This takes patience.
your job as parent much easier.
the current problem. For example,
if a child wants to play with break-

Use natural or logical logical consequences teaches brothers and sisters sometimes
consequences toddlers to help with the cleaning have trouble understanding this.
Natural consequences are and to understand that cleaning up Sometimes it helps to explain that
results that naturally happen after our mess is a part of growing up. your toddler is just “showing” her
a child’s behavior. For example, brother the toy. If your toddler
Set a good example
the natural result of does share, give praise, but respect
Toddlers love to imitate their
refusing to eat is the need to protect treasures.
parents. If you want your toddler
hunger. The
to treat the dog kindly or have Is it ever OK to spank?
natural conse-
good eating habits, be sure to Toddlers often respond well to
quence of
demonstrate how to do it. Re- physical action when you need to
dropping a
member also to talk about what discipline them. Touching them
cookie in the
you do. Even though toddlers on the arm, taking them by the
bathtub is that
may not fully understand every- hand, picking them up, holding,
it becomes
thing you say, they will begin to or restraining them are all good
soggy.
understand that there are reasons ways to get their attention.
Natural
for doing things a certain way. Spanking will also get their
consequences can be very effec-
tive for teaching children what Help your toddler attention, but doesn’t do a very
happens when they do certain understand “sharing”
things. As was mentioned earlier,
Logical consequences should sharing is not something that
be used whenever natural conse- toddlers do very well. They
quences are dangerous or unprac- aren’t able to understand the
tical. For example, it would be process yet. Toddlers do enjoy
dangerous for a child to experi- playing next to other children, but
ence the natural consequence of are not very good at playing with
running in to the street and being other children.
hit by a car! Logical consequences If you have several young
should be logically connected to a children, it is better (and easier) to
child’s behavior and should teach provide several similar toys than
responsible behavior. to require sharing. Two toy
For example, if a child persis- telephones can prevent many
tently flings peas across the squabbles and may even encour-
kitchen or spills milk over the age children to cooperate and
edge of the table, you may want communicate better.
to use logical consequenses. First Toddlers usually find it difficult
remove the peas or milk until to share because they don’t really
they can be used in an appropri- understand what ownership
ate manner. Second, provide an means. They may think sharing a
opportunity for your toddler to toy is the same as giving it away.
“clean-up.” Peas that are dropped It is very common for a toddler
must be picked up; milk that is to give someone a toy, but expect
spilled must be wiped up. Using it to be given right back. Older

good job of teaching them how to Toddlers love to imitate. Most toddler needs guidance if you
behave. In fact, it generally parents find it more successful to understand the reasons for his or
distresses children so much that teach a child what to do rather her behavior and know your
they can’t pay attention to your than what not to do. It may help to options. Good luck!
explanations or directions. It’s think of behavior problems as
hard to reason with a screaming, opportunities to teach your child ■ Read more about it!
crying child. new skills. After all, the word For more information about
Some parents who frequently discipline comes from the word children and families contact your
slap a toddler’s hand are dis- disciple, which means “to teach.” county extension office and ask
mayed to find their toddler for the following.
slapping back. Or worse yet, ■ A final note Is Your Baby Safe At Home,
slapping and hitting others. Disciplining toddlers is not PM 954a-d
Spanking and slapping can easy. And you won’t always feel Understanding Children: Temper
quickly get out-of-hand for both good about how you handled a tantrums, PM 1529j
parents and children. Most re- situation. It’s important to recog- Understanding Children: Toilet
ported cases of abuse involve nize that you are human. After Teaching, PM 1529k
loving, well-meaning parents all, it’s hard to be calm when your Understanding Children: Biting,
who just lost control. Studies toddler tries to drown the cat PM 1529a
show that children who experi- with orange juice or smack you in Understanding Children: Fears,
ence or witness a great deal of the face with a banana. You can PM 1529d
spanking, slapping, or hitting are respond quickly when your
much more likely to become
physically aggressive themselves.

family life specialist. Illustrations by
Lonna Nachtigal. Graphic design by
Valerie Dittmer King.
File: Family life 8
. . . and justice for all apply to all programs.) Many materials can be made Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work,
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension Service,
age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250- Iowa State University of Science and Technology,
marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Ames, Iowa.

Fears
To many parents, children’s fears Common fears Preschoolers are more self-
make no sense at all. Neverthe- assured than toddlers, but occasion-
Fear of separation
less, to children, monsters lurking ally experience fears about being
Toddlers’ anxiety about separa-
in the dark or scary noises coming separated from a parent when
tion is an indication of growth.
from the attic are quite real. starting a new school or child care
Before your toddler turned 2, he
Around your child’s second arrangement, staying overnight
or she forgot you after you left,
birthday, he or she may become with a relative, or moving to a new
and settled down quickly. Now
frightened by things that did not home. Ease into new situations
your child worries about and
cause fear before—the neighbor’s gradually. Visiting the new school
puzzles over your departure.
dog, the dark, the bathtub drain, several times before the first day, or
Always tell your child that you
and loud noises. staying with your child for the first
are leaving. Sneaking out decreases
Several factors contribute to a day or two can make a
trust. It may help to get your child
child developing fears by age 2. big difference.
absorbed in an activity before you
Children between the ages of 2 and
leave. An elaborate ritual of waving
6 have experienced real fear or pain
bye-bye and blowing good-bye
from being lost, injured, or bitten.
kisses also may help.
They also have vivid imaginations
and struggle with the idea of cause
and effect. A toddler knows some-
thing about size and shape, but not
enough to be sure that he or she
won’t be sucked down into the
bathtub drain or into a flushing
toilet. Older children also are aware
of dangers that they hear about
or see on TV. It’s hard to know
what is real and what is not.
PM 1529d Reprinted October 1999

Fear of baths Fear of dogs children fear monsters and snakes
Many young children worry Dogs are often loud, fast moving, that lurk in the bedroom shad-
about going down the drain with and unpredictable. Many children ows. Older children may fear
the water. No amount of logical talk fear them. Respect your child’s fear burglars and thieves. It is not at
will change this. Avoid letting the of strange dogs; a child’s instincts all uncommon for children who
water drain out while your child is may be right. If you wish to intro- are 10 and 11 to still use a night
still in the tub or even in the bath- duce your child to a friendly dog, light. A gradual reduction of light
room. If your child seems fearful of first try sharing pictures of the dog works for many families, while
water, you might try letting him or with your child. Next watch the some children decide on their
her play first with a pan of water, dog from a distance, and finally own to turn lights off. It is impor-
then in the sink, and finally over approach the dog together. You tant not to rush your child.
the edge of the tub (don’t leave a may want to demonstrate how to
child alone in the bathroom). pet the dog, but don’t force your
School-age children
child to pet the dog, too. If he or she
have fears too
refuses, you can try again later. During the school-age years,
imaginary monsters disappear, but
Fear of loud noises other fears begin to surface. School-
Although your toddler loves to age children often have to deal with
pound on a toy drum, the loud bullies, the fear of rejection or
noise from a vacuum cleaner or a embarrassment, and sometimes the
hair dryer may be very frighten- reality of being home alone after
ing. Even preschoolers can school. School-agers also are aware
develop fear of loud noises. Try of TV and news events that show-
letting your child look at and case murder, drug abuse,
eventually touch things in your kidnappings, and burglaries.
home before you turn them on. About one-third of school-age
If the fear seems intense, save children experience fears that
“loud noise jobs” for times when re-occur. Often these children
your child is rested and in a good develop strategies that help them
mood, or better yet, when he or cope. One common strategy
she is not around. children use is to turn the TV on
when they arrive home so they
Fear of the dark
don’t hear scary noises. Other
Parents often sheepishly admit
strategies include hiding under
that their child sleeps with a
beds or in closets, turning all the
night light (or the room light) on.
lights on in the house, and using
Children can sleep with lights on
the phone for comfort and com-
without damaging their health.
panionship. Older kids often feel
Many children sleep with a
embarrassed about feeling afraid
night light well into the school-
and are reluctant to share their
age years.
feelings. Asking specific questions
Fear of the dark is usually like “Do you have a special hiding
one of the last childhood place? Do you walk home a certain
fears to be conquered. Younger way? When you come home do

you check the doors?” will help • Accept your child’s fears as
parents identify concerns that valid. Support your child any
their children might have. A very time he or she is frightened. Use
elaborate plan for self protection a matter-of-fact attitude and
may indicate that the child is some reassuring words. It’s OK
feeling threatened and very afraid. to explain that monsters
don’t really live under
■ How parents the bed, but don’t
expect your child to
can help believe it. Remember
Your child’s fears depend on
that some fear is good.
his or her level of anxiety, past
Children should have a
experience, and imagination. If
healthy sense of cau-
any fears persist, give your child
tion. Strange dogs and strange be helpful. It is best not to force
more time and try to avoid events
people can be dangerous. As a child into fearful situations all
and situations that can trigger
children grow older, they begin at once. Often the “shock”
them. Your child may be better
to have a better understanding method will backfire and
equipped emotionally to deal with
of cause and effect, and reality intensify the fear. A small dose
his or her fears in a few months.
versus fantasy. They also may at a time is the best way to help
• Avoid lectures. It is not helpful gain some first-hand experi- a child overcome fear.
to ridicule, coerce, ignore, or ence with the object of their
use logic. Think back to your
own childhood. How often did
fear and discover ways to ■ A note about
control potentially dangerous
you hear phrases like: “There is situations. Eventually, most nightmares and
no such thing as a monster,” fears will be overcome or at night terrors
“Don’t be such a baby,” “There least brought under control. One out of every four children
are no lions or bears for miles
• Show your child how to cope. between the ages of 3 and 8
and miles from here,” or “Pet
Young children can learn some experiences either night terrors or
the nice doggie, he won’t hurt
coping skills that will help nightmares. Both of these situa-
you.” Did statements such as
them feel like they have more tions can be unnerving, but are
these really make
control of their fear. Learning generally short-lived.
you feel any
how to take deep breaths, using Night terrors generally occur
better?
their imagination to turn a within an hour of falling asleep.
scary monster into a funny The child awakens suddenly from
monster, or keeping a flashlight a state of deep sleep in a state of
by the bed after lights are panic. He or she may scream, sit
turned off are all good ex- up in bed, breathe quickly, and
amples of coping skills. Read- stare “glassy eyed.” The child also
ing children’s books about may seem confused, disoriented,
scary situations such as and incoherent. Each episode can
going to bed in the dark last from 5 to 30 minutes. A child
or having an operation who experiences night terrors is
in the hospital also can not aware of any scary thoughts

or dreams and is usually able to go Parents can help by remaining ■ Read more about it!
back to sleep quickly. In the calm. Hold your child close and
morning, the child usually talk in a soft, soothing voice.
children and families contact your
doesn’t remember waking at all. Comfort and reassure your child.
county extension office and ask
Night terrors may occur for If possible, stay close by until he
for the following publications.
several years. Generally they go or she falls asleep. Calm, consis-
Zero to One ( a newsletter series
away with time and are not an tent handling of nightmares or
for the first year of life), Pm-984
indication of any underlying terrors will help your child feel
1-2-3 Grow ( a newsletter series for
emotional problems. safe and secure.
toddler years), Pm-1071 (cost)
Nightmares generally occur in
So Alive—Three to Five, ( a news-
the early morning hours. Chil- ■ Books for children letter series for preschool
dren who experience nightmares Are You My Mother? P. Eastman years), Pm-1431 (cost)
can often recall the vivid details How Many Kisses Goodnight? Jean Understanding Children: Disciplin-
of their scary dream and may Monrad ing your toddler, Pm-1529c
have difficulty going back to The Runaway Bunny, Margaret Understanding Children: Disciplin-
sleep. Nightmares will often center Wise Brown ing your preschooler, Pm-1529b
on a specific problem or life event Goodnight Moon, Margaret Understanding Children: Self-
that is troubling the child. Wise Brown esteem, Pm-1529h
Bedtime for Francis, Lilian Hoban Growing into Middle Childhood: 5-
to 8-year-olds, Pm-1174 (cost)
Ira Sleeps Over, Bernard Waler
. . . and justice for all USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326-W,
File: Family life 8 Whitten Building, 14th and Independence
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA)
prohibits discrimination in all its programs and Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of
activities on the basis of race, color, national
family life specialist. Some material origin, gender, religion, age, disability, political Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and
adapted from 1-2-3 Grow by Pauline Davey beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
Zeece and Randy Wiegel. Edited by status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson,
Muktha Jost. Illustrations by Lonna programs.) Many materials can be made director, Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa
Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie available in alternative formats for ADA clients. State University of Science and Technology,
Dittmer King. To file a complaint of discrimination, write Ames, Iowa. 10/99

Self-esteem
Do you sometimes wish you talk, sing, and play with them. Toddlers establish a sense of self
could slip your child a dose of When basic needs are met, babies by learning to do things for
healthy self-esteem that would develop a strong sense of trust themselves and by touching,
last a life time? A great idea, but and security. tasting, and feeling everything in
hard to do! The manner in which needs are sight (even when it is forbidden).
The development of self-esteem met also sends messages.
is a lifelong task. From our first Parents who feed their babies
breath to the last, we are all devel- just to quiet them send a
oping, refining, and changing our different message than those
sense of self-worth and identity. who also interact with their
Self-esteem involves developing babies to make eating a pleas-
a sense of self-worth by feeling ant experience. Our actions
lovable and capable. Children often speak louder than words.
tackle this task differently at Even though infants cannot
different developmental ages. understand every word that is
spoken to them, they are sensi-
■ Ages and stages tive to tone of voice, smiles,
and laughter. The way adults
Infants conduct everyday routines
Self-esteem for infants is nour- with infants tells them
ished by attending to basic needs whether or not adults
and building a sense of trust. enjoy being with them.
When infants cry, they are telling
you that they are hungry, sleepy,
Toddlers
cold, wet, or lonely. The way you The first step away
respond to those needs tells your from babyhood is
baby a lot. Babies need to be held a step toward
and cuddled. They need adults to independence.
PM-1529h | Reprinted | December 1997

At times this new-found indepen- competent 5-year-old, they begin many opportunities to discover
dence can make a toddler seem a to develop an awareness of their their strengths and weaknesses in
bit bossy. “No,” “Mine,” and “Me own personal interests and skills. an academic setting.
do it,” are favorite words. For example, most 3-year-olds It is not uncommon for school-
Creating a safe environment are not critical of their art projects. age children to set standards that
and letting a toddler explore They are more process oriented are frustratingly high or low.
fosters this sense of indepen- than product oriented. When they Children this age have not had
dence. When Billy’s parents use play dough, they care more much experience in setting and
encourage him to help by pulling about the experience of squeezing, achieving goals. Also, they do not
off socks or wiping the table pounding, rolling, and squishing have the capacity to measure their
(even if it takes longer), they are than what they actually produce. own strengths and weaknesses.
letting him develop important On the other hand, 5-year-olds Adults can help by providing
skills and a stronger sense of self. are much more aware of details experiences that are challenging,
and pay more attention to the yet achievable. Progressively
Preschoolers work of other children. They learning new skills and becoming
Preschoolers sometimes seem learn by comparing their work to competent in those skills are sure
grown-up. They can feed and the world around them. As they ways to achieve a strong sense of
dress themselves, they love to strive to polish their drawing identity and self-worth.
imitate adults, and they are eager skills, it is not uncommon to hear
to please. Self-esteem is tied them express a great deal of ■ Tips for parents
significantly with learning new dissatisfaction. They want their
skills. As they develop from an drawing to look like a “real bird” Help your child feel
energetic 3-year-old into a more or “real truck.” This dissatisfac- lovable and capable
tion doesn’t necessarily mean that The two key ingredients of self-
they have poor self-esteem. It esteem are feeling loved and
just means that they are capable. Billy’s parents can foster
beginning to learn more this in many little ways every day.
about themselves and their It is important to Billy that they
personal skills. listen, take his feelings seriously,
and spend time alone with him.
School-agers You also can show your respect
As children enter school-age and support by allowing your child
they are very optimistic about to make decisions, respecting your
their abilities. Often, they also child’s possessions, and express-
have very high expectations ing love with words and hugs.
about doing well in school. As children grow older, they
Such a positive attitude is begin to discover that they have
wonderful. It is helpful, special talents and interests.
however, to remember that Parents can help by providing
young children have not had opportunities for children to

experiment with different activi- be to use specific praise. For amends. Confessing, returning
ties. Children who enjoy sports example, when your child sets the the candy, paying for the candy,
might be encouraged to try out a table, you might say “You did and resolving never to steal again
variety of activities such as soccer, such a good job! You put the can help bring Billy’s feelings of
basketball, softball, or swimming. spoons and forks in the right self-worth back into balance.
An interest in music might lead to place and remembered the nap-
piano lessons or church choir. A kins!” When you notice your
Set a good example
Taking responsibility for your
nature buff might wish to join child reading to a younger sister
own self-esteem is important too.
Scouts or 4-H. Remember, the you might say, “When you
Children learn so much by watch-
focus is to explore a variety of growled you sounded just like a
ing and imitating their parents.
interests. Try not to push or over- bear! It must be nice for Sara to
Talk out loud about your feelings
do any one thing at a particular have a brother who is such a good
and the ways that you cope with
time. Childhood should be a storyteller.” Specific praise means
life’s problems. For example, a
relaxed, stress-free time for more to a child than a brief “You
comment such as, “I’m feeling sad
discovery and experimentation. are great” or a smiley face sticker.
today because someone at work
One of your most important Low self-esteem can be said some mean things. I think I’ll
roles is as a teacher good sometimes take a walk after dinner to feel
Billy’s parents take time every It’s OK for children to feel better,” shows a child that indi-
day to teach him a new skill. badly about themselves at times, viduals can have control over
Everyday life skills are so important. especially when their actions how they feel and think about
Billy learns how to set the table, make them feel ashamed or themselves.
to cook with Mom and Dad in the guilty. For example, if Billy steals
kitchen, and to spray and wash a piece of candy from a
the car windows. Look carefully store it is usually
for your child’s hidden talents healthy for him to feel
and abilities and nurture them. bad about himself.
Feeling guilty can stimu-
Be a coach more than late a child to make
a cheerleader
A cheerleader just cheers. A
coach uses praise to foster behav-
ioral growth and to instill self-
worth.
Happygrams, stickers, ribbons,
and behavioral charts with smiley
faces are fun to receive, but they
often give children an incomplete
message. A better approach would

■ A final note ■ Children’s books ■ Read more about it!
Positive self-esteem is possible The Important Book, Margaret For more information about
for everyone, but it doesn’t Wise Brown children and families contact your
happen overnight. True self- I Know What I Like, N. Simon. county extension office and re-
worth is developed over a lifetime Harold and the Purple Crayon, quest the following.
and most of us will experience David Johnson Liesk Ages and Stages, PM-1530a-g
many highs and lows as we Just the Thing for Geraldine, Understanding Children: Disciplining
journey through life. A parent’s Ellen Conford your preschooler, PM-1529b
role is to help children feel loved Howie Helps Himself, Joan Fassler Understanding Children: Disciplining
and to teach them the skills they Ira Sleeps Over, Bernard Waber your toddler, PM-1529d
need to feel capable when faced Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Growing up Fit: Preschoolers in
with life’s many challenges. No Good, Very Bad Day, motion, PM-1359a (cost)
Judith Viorst Growing into Middle Childhood:
5- to 8-year-olds, PM-1174a
File: Family life 8

write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326-
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) W, Whitten Building, 14th and Independence
prohibits discrimination in all its programs and Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or
activities on the basis of race, color, national call 202-720-5964 Issued in furtherance of
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, exten- origin, gender, religion, age, disability, political Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8
sion family life specialist. Edited by beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the
Carol Ouverson and Muktha Jost. family status. (Not all prohibited bases apply U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
to all programs.) Many materials can be made Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension
Illustrated by Lonna Nachtigal. Graphic available in alternative formats for ADA Service, Iowa State University of Science and
design by Valerie Dittmer King. clients. To file a complaint of discrimination, Technology, Ames, Iowa. 7/99

Moving
to a new home
Although moving has become a move there will be places, things, The personality of the child is
common event for American and people you will miss. When important because it influences the
families, it is a “moving” experi- moving is brought about by a time a child may take to adjust to
ence in more ways than one. No death, divorce, or job loss, the sense the move. Some children are
matter how often families change of loss and sadness is more acute. naturally outgoing and will be able
residence, moving brings with it a Sometimes, a combination of the to make friends immediately while
variety of emotions and situations. exciting prospect of moving and some other children may take
One out of five American fami- the sense of loss that the same months.
lies moves each year, and most change could bring produces a see- Some aspects of the child’s
of those moves are within the saw of emotions. Many family personality may tend to get more
same community or to a neigh- members experience emotional ups pronounced. For instance, if your
boring state. and downs. child tends to worry and get ner-
Moving can be an exciting Moving is a challenging and vous, you are likely to see more of
adventure for families as they look difficult experience for a family, this behavior until the child begins
forward to new places, friends, and especially for children. It is natural, to feel more comfortable in the new
neighbors. Many families find that therefore, for parents to be con- surroundings. Roller coaster
the experience of moving often cerned about the effect of the move. emotions are not
brings them closer. Parents often wish to help ease the uncommon. One
The general sense of confusion transition for their children and day your child
and disorder can make moving make moving a positive experience. may be
both physically and emotionally When faced with a move, it is
stressful. While packing, moving, important to remember
dusting, and sorting take a toll on that reactions from
energy and attention, short tempers children will vary
and chaos drain the emotions. depending on their
There is also an element of grief. personality and devel-
No matter how eager you are to opmental age.
Pm-1529g | Reprinted | June 1996

understand a few basic household toys. Also, they may not realize that
thrilled and excited, then blue and
rules like “Don't climb on the close friends and neighbors will not
depressed the next.
counter tops or scribble on the make the move.
■ Ages and stages wall” may need to relearn the rules
What you can do
all over again in the new house.
Moving and your infant Try to pack children’s things last
or toddler What you can do and include your preschooler in on
Your time and attention are the packing process. Do not assume
Generally, infants and toddlers
especially important now. Remem- that your child understands the
make the transition quite well. They
ber to take a break during the rush process of moving. Explain the
may, however, pick up on your
to hold or play with your child. Be move to your child and give
anxiety and stress level, and seem
sure to keep any security objects reasons for the way you are doing
particularly fussy and demanding
such as a favorite teddy bear or things. Children’s books on mov-
in the few weeks before and imme-
blanket close by. Keep your routine ing are listed in this publication.
diately after your move. If your
as normal as possible. Regular Take the time to read aloud one or
child is being cared for by a care-
eating and nap times are important. two to help your child understand
giver other than yourself, he or she
the moving process. As with
may go through a sense of loss and Moving and your infants and toddlers, keep your
not be well able to express it. Older preschooler routine as normal and predictable
toddlers who have just begun to Often, preschoolers will express as possible.
a great deal of excitement over a
move, but may not really under- Moving and your
stand everything that is going on. school-age child
The details of moving inevitably School-age children often are
frustrate parents, and preschoolers quite excited about a family move
tend to think that the chaos and and love to become involved in
frustration may somehow be the planning process. School-age
their fault. children love to develop lists and
Preschoolers also find it hard to are very project oriented. Use their
understand what will go with them enthusiasm and energy to help
and what will stay you get some of your moving
behind. They may not tasks done.
realize that you are Relationships with peers are
taking furniture and very important for school-agers,
toys with you, and and they can understand the effect
often develop great of the move on their relationships
fears for their per- with friends and neighbors. Al-
sonal belongings and though they can understand the
separation from friends and neigh-
bors that is about to happen, they
may not have the maturity to deal
with their emotions.

Most school-agers are quite Teenagers are generally very Parents also can help teens by
positive before and even immedi- involved in social relationships. paying sincere attention to their
ately after the move. A month or so Your teen is focused on learning feelings. Accept your teen’s feelings
after the move, however, they may how to develop more long-term without getting defensive or
become quite angry about the relationships. Most teens feel that
lecturing. If a teen can express
move, especially if they have not friendships and romantic relation-
feelings openly and work through
had much success forming a group ships are unnecessarily interrupted
the “sense of loss” with parental
of friends. School-agers still have a by a move. Although teenagers
support, he or she will be much less
very active imagination and may have the maturity to understand
likely to express anger and depres-
have imagined that the move reasons for moving, they may not
sion in a harmful manner.
would somehow make their lives be prepared emotionally.
wonderful. When reality sets in,
therefore, they may experience a
What you can do ■ How long will
Parents need to give teens time
great deal of confusion, frustration,
and space when preparing for a
your child take to
and anger.
move. Many parents postpone adjust to the move?
What you can do telling kids about the move, hoping Researchers tell us that adults
Scope out the neighborhood that it will make things easier. and children need time to adjust—
before you move. Are there other Generally it is best to tell them right often as long as 16 months. For
children your child can play with? away. The “grief work” of breaking some families, the most stressful
If not, where can your child go to relationships and saying goodbyes time is two weeks before and two
meet friends? Is there a community takes time, and is best done before weeks after the move. For many
center or club such as 4-H, Scouts, the move. families, however, the time of the
or Campfire nearby? Even though teens seem much move is one when everyone pitches
Arrange to visit the school before more advanced in their social skills, in and works together as a team. It
enrolling your child. Be sure to they may worry a lot about making
point out familiar places like the friends and fitting in. Be sure to
school cafeteria, library, and visit their school and check out
restrooms. Kids worry about being local activities and employment
able to find their way around. opportunities for young people.
Take pictures of your child, new Communities have their own
home, and community and encour- culture and way of doing things,
age your child to share them with and this is often reflected in the
others. A farewell party is also a way teens dress. How they look is
good idea. A farewell party can very important to teens. Before
help ease the pain of goodbyes, spending money on a new
make the move a concrete event, school wardrobe you and your
and help the child accept reality. teen may want to do some quiet
observation or visiting with
Moving and your teenager neighbors to see what is “in.”
No doubt about it, moving is Purchasing a “special” outfit can
difficult for most adolescents.
often help a teen feel more
comfortable.

is only a month or so after the some will dive in head first. Moving Molly, S. Hughes
move that the reality of friends and Allow for personality differences. I’m Not Moving!, P. Jones
places left behind begins to sink in. • Be a good model. Children need Maggie and the Goodbye Gift,
Frustration, anger, and confusion to see and hear adults express S. Milord & J. Milord
are common emotions at this time. their feelings and work through A New Boy in Kindergarten,
Moving is stressful for adults and is problems. A parent who feels J.B. Moncure
particularly stressful for children as comfortable with saying “Gee, Mitchell is Moving, M. W. Sharmat,
they have limited coping skills. sometimes I sure feel lonely,” or The Monster in the Third Dresser
Other events associated with the “Today I told myself that I was Drawer and Other Stories About
move effect how children cope with going to meet at least one new Adam Joshua, J. I. Smith
a move. Financial problems, a person!” can provide a lot of Moving Day, T. Tobias
death, or divorce can sometimes support for children. Moving, W. Watson
make the problem worse and
• Promote peer interaction. Hook
children’s coping skills are
into the community quickly. Ask
stretched to the limit. Parents may For more information about
a neighbor if he or she will
then wish to seek short-term children and families contact your
introduce your child to neigh-
counseling for their children. county extension office and ask for
borhood children. Link up with
the following.
Strategies to help children familiar organizations such as
Scouts, Campfire, 4-H, and Zero to One (a newsletter for the
adjust to moving. first year of life), Pm-984
church youth groups.
• Be understanding. Acknowl- 1-2-3 Grow (a newsletter for the
edge both positive and negative • Use children’s literature. Books
toddler years), Pm-1071 (cost)
feelings. Let children know that can help children prepare for and
So Alive—Three to Five (a newsletter
it’s OK and normal to feel understand difficult situations.
for the preschool years),
anxiety. Watch out for verbal Story characters who model
Pm-1431 (cost)
and nonverbal communication. successful coping strategies are an
Simple Snacks for Kids, Pm-1264
excellent resource for children.
• Provide continuity. Much of the Balancing Work and Family:
stress associated with moving Coming home,
comes from the “newness” and
■ Children’s books making the
“difference” of things. Try to about moving transition,
keep routines and other daily Dear Phoebe, S. Alexander Pm-1404f
living habits as normal as pos- We Are Best Friends, Aliki Grandparenting:
sible. This is not the time to make It’s Your Move: Picking up, packing More than cookies
a lot of major changes in your up and settling in, L. Bourke and milk, Pm-1405
family life. I Don’t Live Here!, P. Conrad Understanding Children:
I’m Moving, M. W. Hickman Fears, Pm-1529d
• Be patient. New adjustments
take time. Individuals handle My Friend William Moved Away,
things differently. Some children M. W. Hickman
will ease into a new situation,
File: Family Life 8 The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-
basis of race, color, national origin, gender, religion, 9410 or call 202-720-5964. Issued in furtherance of
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, extension age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June
famly life specialist. Edited by Muktha Jost. marital or family status. (Not all prohibited bases 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of
apply to all programs.) Many materials can be made Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
Illustration by Lonna Nachtigal. Graphic available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science
design by Valerie Dittmer King. a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Office of and Technology, Ames, Iowa. 7/99

Temper tantrums
Temper tantrums—just the apparent reason. Studies show Preschoolers

thought of one is enough to make that infants who have their needs Preschoolers are less likely to
you cringe. Most parents agree that met quickly and who are held and throw tantrums. They have
there is nothing quite like dealing comforted when they cry, de- developed more coping skills and
with a kicking, screaming child. It velop a strong sense of security are able to communicate better.
can bring out the worst in all of us and well-being and may actually Still, when dinner is late or when
and it is always difficult to handle. cry much less later on.
Temper tantrums are a normal
part of growing up. All children Toddlers
have them. Often they happen for Toddlers throw tantrums for
different reasons at different ages. many reasons—some big, some
Sometimes they take you by small. A square block won’t fit in
surprise and sometimes they are a round hole. Shoes feel funny
predictable. There are no magic and socks don’t seem to come off
cures, but there are some success- right. To make matters worse,
ful techniques that can help. you won’t let them climb on top
of the kitchen table. Toddlers
■ Ages and stages have tantrums because they get
Infants frustrated very easily. Most
Infants may cry a lot, but they toddlers still do not talk much.
don’t really have tantrums. They They have trouble asking for
cry because they are wet, hungry, things and expressing their
cold, or lonely. Crying is their feelings. Toddlers also have very
only way of letting adults know few problem-solving skills.
that they need something. Some- Tantrums are most likely to
times infants have colic. They happen when toddlers are hun-
seem to cry endlessly for no gry, exhausted, or overexcited.
Pm-1529j Reprinted July 1998

things get frustrating, your Older children can learn to recog- Ignore—Older children will
preschooler may begin to behave nize when they are feeling upset sometimes throw tantrums to
more like a 2-year-old! Some or frustrated. Also, they can learn get attention. Try ignoring the
children learn at this age that acceptable ways to deal with tantrum and go about your
tantrums can be used to get some- their anger. business as usual. If staying in
thing they want. If parents give in the same room with a screaming
to demands, tantrums may begin to ■ How to handle child makes you uncomfortable,
occur with greater frequency. leave the room. If necessary, turn
a tantrum on the radio and lock yourself in
School-agers 1. Try to remain calm. Shaking, the bathroom for a few minutes.
Older children are typically spanking, or screaming at your Hold—Physically restrain
more tolerant of frustrating child tends to make the tan- children if they are “out of
situations, but they too get overly trum worse instead of better. control” (may harm themselves
tired, hungry, and irritable. Set a positive example for your and others). You also might say
Although school-age children child by remaining in control of something like: “I can see you
have developed stronger prob- yourself and your emotions. are angry right now and I am
lem-solving skills, they are faced
2. Pause before you act. Take at going to hold you until you calm
with increasingly complex social
least 30 seconds to decide how down. I won’t let you hurt me or
situations, and need to refine their
you will handle the tantrum. anyone else.” Often this approach
problem-solving skills. Learning
Four possible ways to deal with can be comforting to a child.
to get along with friends, work as
a tantrum include: Children don’t like to be out of
part of a team, or compete in a
Distract—Try to get your control. It scares them. An adult
sport requires skills that many
child’s attention focused on who is able to take charge of the
older kids haven’t fully developed
something else. If your child situation, remain calm and in
yet. Kids who have limited
screams when you take away control, can be very reassuring.
problem-solving skills or diffi-
something unsafe (like mommy’s 3. Wait until your child calms
culty expressing themselves with
purse) offer something else to down before talking about the
words are more likely to have
play with. This technique works situation. It’s difficult to reason
temper tantrums or fits of anger.
well with toddlers. with a screaming child. Insist
Remove—Take your child to on a cooling down period and
a quiet, private place to calm follow-up with a discussion
down. At home this may be the about behavior. Use this oppor-
child’s room or a special “cooling tunity to teach your child
down” place. Out in public it acceptable ways to handle anger
may mean sitting outside for a and difficult situations. With
few minutes or in the car. Avoid practice, preschoolers and
trying to talk or reason with a school-agers can learn:
screaming child. It doesn’t • How to ask for help,
work! Stay nearby until your • When to go somewhere to
child calms down. Then cool down,
you can talk and return to • How to try a more successful
whatever you were doing. way of doing something, and

• How to express their feelings • Offer real choices. Don’t say, ■ Read more about it!
and emotions in words “Would you like to take your
For more information on
(rather than hitting, kicking, nap?” unless you are prepared
helping children deal with anger
or screaming). to honor your child’s choice not
and learn self-control see exten-
4. Comfort and reassure your to nap. Instead try, “It’s nap
sion publications:
child. Tantrums scare most time now.”
Getting Along series, PM 1650 -
kids. They often are not able to • Choose your battles carefully. 1653
understand the reason for their Say “No” to things that are Understanding Children: Disciplin-
anger and generally feel shaken really important. Avoid fighting ing preschoolers, PM 1529b
when it is all over. They need over little things. Understanding Children: Disciplin-
to know that you do not ap- • Give your child a few minutes ing your toddler, PM 1529c
prove of their behavior, but warning before you end an Growing into Middle Childhood: 5-
that you still love them. activity. Saying “We are going to to 8-year-olds, PM 1174a (cost)
leave the park and go home in a Growing out of Middle Childhood: 9-
■ An ounce of few minutes,” or “I wonder what to 12-year-olds, PM 1174b (cost)
prevention we can cook for supper when we Balancing Work and Family: Avoid-
Tantrums are a normal part of get home,” helps your child get ing the morning rush, PM 404a
growing up. All children will ready for change. Balancing Work and Family: Coming
have them sometime. If tantrums • Help children not to “get in home and making the transition,
seem to be happening often, you over their heads.” Children PM 1404f
might consider the following need challenging activities, but Ages and Stages: 2-year-olds,
suggestions. not so challenging that they PM 1530d
• Study your child’s tantrums. experience overwhelming
When and where do they frustration and failure.
occur? Who is generally in-
volved? What happens before,
after, and during a tantrum?
Often, looking for patterns can
give you clues about conditions
or situations that bring out the
tantrum in your child.
• Set realistic limits and help
children stick to a regular
routine. Predictable mealtimes
and bedtimes are particularly
important.

Tantrums—A Plan of Action
When do tantrums occur?
Where do tantrums happen?
Who is generally included?
What happens before, after, and during a tantrum?
Things I can do to prevent a tantrum from occurring.
Ways that I can handle the tantrum when it occurs.

family life specialist. Illustrations by Lonna
Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie
Dittmer King.
File: Family life 8

The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits materials can be made available in alternative Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension
discrimination in all its programs and activities on formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint of work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in
the basis of race, color, national origin, gender, discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agricul-
religion, age, disability, political beliefs, sexual Room 326-W, Whitten Building, 14th and Indepen- ture. Stanley R. Johnson, director, Cooperative
orientation, and marital or family status. (Not all dence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science
prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many call 202-720-5964. and Technology, Ames, Iowa. 10/99

Biting
You’ve just discovered that age do not always understand Cause and effect
you have a pint-sized biter on the difference between gnawing About age 12 months infants
your hands. on a toy and biting someone. become interested in finding out
Isn’t it amazing how those tiny what happens when they do
Teething
teeth that once caused so much something. When they bang a
Children generally begin
excitement and celebration can spoon on the table, they dis-
teething about age 4 to 7
now cause so much fear and cover that it makes a loud
months. Swelling gums can be
frustration? sound. When they drop a toy
tender and can cause a great
Biting, however, is quite from their crib, they discover
deal of discomfort. Infants
common among young children.
sometimes find relief from this
It happens for different reasons
discomfort by chewing on
with different children and
something. Sometimes the
under different circumstances.
object they chomp on is a real
Understanding the reason for
person! Children this age may
your child’s biting is the first
not understand the difference
step to changing his or her
between chewing on a person or
behavior.
a toy.
■ Why children bite

Exploration
Infants and toddlers learn by
touching, smelling, hearing, and
tasting. If an infant is given a toy,
one of the first places the infant
puts it is in the mouth. Tasting or
“mouthing” things is something
that all children do. Children this
PM 1529a Reprinted October 1996

that it falls. They also may is a quick way to become the Independence
discover that when they bite center of attention, even if it is Toddlers are trying hard to be
someone, they get a loud negative attention. independent. “Mine” and “Me
scream of protest! do it” are favorite words. Learn-
Imitation
ing to do things without help,
Attention Older toddlers love to imitate
making choices, and needing
Older toddlers may bite to others and find it a great way to
control over a situation are part
get attention. When children learn new things. Sometimes
of growing up. Biting is a power-
are in situations in which they children see others bite and
ful way to control others. If you
do not receive enough positive decide to try it themselves.
attention and daily interaction, When an adult bites a child back want a toy or want a playmate
they often find a way to make in punishment, it generally does to leave you alone or move out
others sit up and take notice. not stop the biting, but rather of your way, biting helps you
Being ignored is not fun. Biting teaches the child that biting is OK. get what you want.
Biting—What’s really happening?

1st Incident 2nd Incident 3rd Incident
Where did the biting incident happen?
Who was involved?
When did the biting happen?
What happened before the biting

incident?
What happened after? How was the

situation handled?
Why do you think the biting might be

happening? (You may want to review
ideas in this publication.)
What will be your plan of action?

Prevention ideas:___________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
Teaching new behavior:_____________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
Try your action plan for at least a few weeks. Good luck!

Frustration ■ What parents can do Toddlers don’t have the skills or
Young children often experi- understanding to negotiate or
What is really happening?
ence frustration. Growing up is understand another child’s
Use the who, what, when,
a real struggle. Drinking from a point of view.
where, and how method to dis-
cup is great, yet nursing or If attention seems to be the
cover what is really happening.
sucking from a bottle is also main cause for biting, try to
When does the biting occur? Who
wonderful. Sometimes it would spend time with your child
is involved? Where does it hap-
be nice to remain a baby. Tod- when he or she is doing more
pen? What happens before or
dlers don’t have good control positive things. Snuggle up and
afterward? How was the situation
over their bodies yet. A loving read a book together or roll a
handled?
pat sometimes turns into a push ball back and forth. This is much
or a whack. Toddlers also don’t Try prevention more fun than giving or receiv-
talk well yet. They have trouble If you determine that the biting ing a scolding.
asking for things or requesting occurs as the result of exploration If the child is experiencing a
help. They haven’t learned how or teething, you may want to stressful situation, make life as
to play with others. When you provide the child with a cloth or supportive and normal as
don’t have words to express teething ring to gnaw on. If your
possible. Predictable meals and
your feelings, sometimes you child seems to bite when tired or
bedtimes, and extra time with a
show others by hitting, pushing, hungry, you may want to look at
loving adult can help. Some
or biting. your daily routine to be sure that
he or she is getting enough sleep activities can actually relieve
Stress and nourishment. tension. Examples are rolling,
A child’s world can be stressful squishing, and pounding play
If biting happens when two
at times. A lack of daily routine,
children fight over a toy tele-
interesting things to do, or adult
phone, you may want to purchase
interaction are stressful situations
an extra toy telephone.
for children. Events like death,
Trying to make
divorce, or a move to a new home very young
also cause stress for children. children share
Biting is one way to express simply does
feelings and relieve tension. not work.

dough, or relaxing and splash- Whenever the biter is out of
ing in the bathtub. It takes time control, you will need to restrain
and patience, however, for or isolate the child until he or she
children and families ask for the
healing to occur in painful calms down. Insist on a “time
situations like divorce or death. out” or “cooling-off period.” Wait following publications from your
a few minutes until the child is county extension office.
Teach new behavior under control and then talk to the 1-2-3 Grow (newsletter series
When a child bites, use your for toddler years), PM 1071a-h
toddler about his or her behavior.
voice and facial expressions to (cost)
show that biting is unacceptable.
Speak firmly and look directly ■ A final note Understanding Children: Disciplin-
ing your toddler, PM 1529c
into the child’s eyes. For ex- Biting is a difficult and uncom-
Child’s Play - Art, PM 1770a (cost)
ample, you might say ”Sara, it’s fortable issue to deal with for
parents. If your child is the victim, Understanding Children: Language
not OK to bite. It hurts Jon when
you may feel angry and outraged. development, PM 1529f
you bite him. He’s crying. If you
If your child is the biter, you may Child’s Play - Fingerplays Plus, PM
need to bite, you can bite this
feel embarrassed and frustrated. 1770b (cost)
(cloth, toy, food, etc.), but I
Take heart! Most toddlers who Ages and Stages, PM 1530a-i
won’t let you bite Jon or another
child.” If the child is able to talk, bite do so only a short while.
you also might say, “You can tell Paying close attention to the
Jon with your words that you reasons will help you come up with
need him to move instead of some useful solutions. Soon your
biting him. Say ‘Move, Jon.’” toddler will have learned impor-
You also may want the biter tant new skills for communicating
to help wash, bandage, and and getting along with others.
comfort the victim. Making the
biter a part of the comforting
process is a good way to teach
nurturing behavior.
File: Family life 8
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, exten- . . . and justice for all
sion family life specialist. Edited by The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits W, Whitten Building, 14th and Independence Avenue, SW,
discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis of race, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or call 202-720-5964. 2/99
Muktha Jost. Illustrations by Lonna color, national origin, gender, religion, age, disability, political Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of
beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family status. (Not all May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S.
Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many materials can be made Department of Agriculture. Stanley R. Johnson, director,
Dittmer King. available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science
of discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326- and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

Toilet training
■ Ready or not? interested in learning to use the ___ show interest in the toilet or
toilet. Learning new things is a potty chair?
Learning to use the toilet is a
full-time job for most toddlers ___Are bowel movements regular
big event in a young child’s
and toilet learning may not be as and predictable? (Some
life—a sure sign of growing up.
important as learning to climb, children move their bowels
Most children are eager about
jump, run, and talk. A toddler two to three times a day;
learning how to use the “potty”
who resists toilet training now others may go 2 to 3 days
and are quite proud of their
may be ready in 3 to 6 months, without a bowel movement.)
achievement.
then often learns almost overnight.
Toilet teaching is easiest when ___Has your toddler asked to
children are physically and wear grown-up underwear?
emotionally ready, which hap- ■ How do you tell if If you answered “yes” to most
pens between the ages of 2 and 3 your child is ready? of the questions, you may want to
years. Girls usually gain physical introduce your child to toilet
control over their bowel and Ask yourself the training. If you answered “no” to
bladder muscles before boys do. following questions: many questions, wait a while
On the average, most girls are Can my child: longer. Rushing a child
potty-trained by age 2 1/2 and through toilet training
___ follow simple directions?
most boys around the age of 3. will only result in
___ remain dry at least 2 hours at
But don’t be alarmed if your tears and frustration.
a time during the day?
child doesn’t follow this pattern In fact, starting too
closely; individual children mature ___ walk to and from the bath- soon may actually
physically at different rates. room, pull down pants, pull
delay learning.
pants up?
The secret to success is pa-
tience and timing. Emotional Does my child:
readiness is also important. ___ remain dry during nap time?
Many bright, normal, and ___ seem uncomfortable with
healthy 3-year-olds may not be soiled or wet diapers?
Pm-1529k | Reprinted | June 1997

When a child is truly ready, toilet use the toilet. If you are comfort- and make it easier for the child to
training will seem much easier. able with the idea, it may be a “push” during a bowel movement.
good idea to let the child watch The American Academy of Pedi-
■ Ten steps to toilet you use the toilet. Ideally, fathers atrics suggests that parents avoid
should set an example for sons urine deflectors because they can
learning and mothers should set an ex- cut a child who is climbing on or
Step 1 ample for daughters. Children off a potty chair. You may want to
Relax! A calm, easygoing also can learn about bathroom let your child practice sitting on
approach to toilet training seems practices from older brothers, the potty fully clothed just to get
to work best. Remember that learn- sisters, or relatives. used to the idea.
ing to use the toilet takes time and
that each child is different. If you Step 3 Step 6
find that one of your children Teach your toddler the words Begin reading potty books to
learns to use the toilet at age 2 your family uses for body parts, your child. There are many
and another learns at age 3 1/2, rest urine, and bowel movements. wonderful books about learning
assured that you are not alone. Make sure it’s a word you feel to use the potty at your local
comfortable with because others library or bookstore. Reading a
Step 2 are sure to hear it. There is book together helps children
Show children what they are nothing quite like a toddler understand the general process and
to do in the bathroom. Toddlers loudly announcing in the check- that other children also learn to
love to imitate adults or older out lane of the grocery store that use the potty. Book suggestions are
children. Next time your toddler it’s time to go “Poo Poo!” listed later on in this publication.
follows you into the bathroom,
talk about what you do when you Step 4 Step 7
Help your child recognize Purchase training pants and
when he or she is urinating or easy-to-remove clothing. Just
having a bowel movement. getting to the potty on time is a
Most children will grunt, squat, major task for most children. You
turn red in the face, or simply can help make the job easier by
stop playing for a moment. letting them wear pants that are
Children need to be aware that easy to pull down, and by being
they are urinating or having a around to assist. Avoid snaps,
bowel movement before they can buttons, zippers, and belts. Some
do anything about it. For most parents prefer to use diapers at
children, bowel movements are first and then switch to training
generally easier to recognize. pants when their child is urinating
in the potty several times a day.
Step 5
Borrow or purchase a potty Step 8
chair or a potty attachment for When your child tells you that
the toilet. If you purchase a he or she needs to use the potty,
potty attachment, be sure help with clothing and sit the
to get one with a footrest. child on the potty for a few
This will allow your child minutes. Stay with your child. It’s
to sit more comfortably a good idea to keep a few books

close by. Reading a book together • If your are anticipating a new play with feces or urine; help
makes the time go by easier and baby, moving to a new home, your child clean up the mess.Then
takes the pressure off for an or another major life event, you you both can wash your hands
immediate result. may want to wait a few months. with soap and water. It is gener-
Toilet training is easiest when ally a good idea to help with
Step 9 both parent and child can give clean-up and flushing during much
After 4 to 5 minutes, help your of the toilet training process.
it their full attention.
child off the potty. Reward with
• Remember that it’s OK to keep
hugs and praise if your child’s
your child in diapers or dispos-
■ The big flush
efforts have been successful. Say Children often have one of two
that he or she can try again later if able training pants for sleeping.
reactions to flushing. Either they
the child wasn’t successful. Don’t Nighttime control generally
are fascinated by it (and would be
be surprised if your child has a comes many months after
willing to do it for hours) or they
bowel movement or urinates right daytime control.
are quite fearful. Children who
after being taken off the toilet. • It may be helpful to use a
enjoy flushing will often delight
This is not unusual. Accidents plastic mattress cover, table-
in emptying the potty chair into
and near misses are generally not cloth, or shower curtain be-
the toilet, waving bye-bye, and
an act of stubbornness. It simply tween the sheet and mattress
watching everything “flush
takes time to learn this new skill. until children gain nighttime
away.”
If accidents seem to be frequent, it control.
Children who are fearful prefer
may be best to hold off and try • Treat accidents casually. Avoid that parents take charge of this
toilet training a few months later. punishing, scolding, or sham- process. Before flushing the toilet,
ing. Give your child support by make sure the child is off the
Step 10
keeping an upbeat, positive potty attachment. Many children
Wipe your child carefully.
attitude. are not only fearful of the noise
Wipe girls from front to back to
prevent infection. Teach your and swirling water, but also may
child to always wash hands with
■ Cleaning up think that they will be flushed
soap and water after using the potty. Children often are quite curi- down too. Reassure your child
ous about bowel movements. If that only body wastes and toilet
■ More ideas you find your child trying to paper will be flushed away.
remove fecal material from the
• If possible, plan to devote at toilet, or worse yet “finger paint-
least 3 to 4 days to begin toilet ing” with it on the bathroom
training. Maintaining the same floor, try to remain calm. Simply
routine for 3 to 4 weeks also helps. explain that it’s not OK to
• Some parents find it helpful to
establish a routine by putting a
child on the toilet for 3 to 4
minutes right after he or she
gets up in the morning, before
naps, after naps, after meals,
and before bedtime. Realize
however, that your child will
not always use the potty.

■ A note about ■ Books for children Going to the Potty, Fred Rogers—
Part of the Mister Rogers Neigh-
bedwetting No More Diapers, J.G. Brooks—
borhood First Experience series,
A popular book with toddlers.
Bedwetting is common in this colorful book discusses
Toilet training is illustrated
children under age 7. Remember toilet training. Photographs
through two stories. The first
that learning to control the blad- show children of all sizes, ages,
story is about Johnny and the
der generally comes after bowel and ethnic groups.
second is about Susie. The text
control. Many children who have KoKo Bear‘s New Potty, Vicki
is simple and drawings are in
mastered the toileting process Lansky—A “read together”
black, white, and orange.
during the day may not be able to book with cartoon bear illustra-
Your New Potty, Joanna Cole—
stay dry at night for many tions. A useful companion to
This book tells the story of two
months. Most children will Vicki Lansky’s Practical
children, Ben and Steffie, who
achieve nighttime dryness by age Parenting: Toilet Training.
are learning to use their new
5, but one out of four children
potties. Illustrated by colorful
may continue to wet the bed for
photographs. Information for
■ Books for parents
several more years. Parents Book of Toilet Teaching,
parents is included in the
Bedwetting appears to be Joanna Cole
introduction. Uses adult terms
related to the size of the bladder, Practical Parenting: Toilet Training,
for elimination.
the amount of liquid consumed Vicki Lansky
Once Upon a Potty, Alona
before bedtime, and how soundly Toilet Learning, Alison Mack
Frankel—Simple text with
the child sleeps. Bedwetting also
is more likely to occur when a cartoon-like illustrations.
child is ill, excited, or when a Available in both a boy’s and ■ Read more about it!
routine is upset. girl’s version as well as a book For more information about
For children who tend to wet and toy package, complete with infants and toddlers, ask for these
the bed, it may help to wake them an anatomically correct doll publications at your county exten-
once during the night to use the and toy potty. sion office.
toilet. An easy time to do this is All By Myself, Anna Grossnickle 1-2-3 Grow (newsletter series for
just before parents go to bed. Hines—One of the few books toddler years), Pm-1071a-h (cost)
Persistent bedwetting, particu- that talks about nighttime Understanding Children: Disciplining
larly after age 7, may be caused dryness. Josie, like most chil- your toddler, Pm-1529c
by an infection and a physician dren, has successfully mastered A Parent’s Guide to Children’s
should be consulted. daytime control, but at night Weight, NCR-374
still needs help from her Understanding Children: Fears,
mother to get to the bathroom. Pm-1529d
In time she learns how to Ages and Stages, Pm-1530
manage by herself.
File: Family life 8
Written by Lesia Oesterreich, exten- . . . and justice for all Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work,
sion family life specialist. Edited by The Iowa Cooperative Extension Service’s Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with
programs and policies are consistent with pertinent the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
Muktha Jost. Illustrations by Lonna federal and state laws and regulations on Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension Service,
Nachtigal. Graphic design by Valerie nondiscrimination. Many materials can be made Iowa State University of Science and Technology,
available in alternative formats for ADA clients. Ames, Iowa.
Dittmer King.

Children and Sleep
hildren have amazing amounts of energy. They with pillows or stuffed toys. These could cover a
C can play for hours and don’t want to miss out

on anything going on around them. In fact, if
adults don’t intervene, most children will bypass naps
child’s airway.
Babies in the first year still sleep a lot. They need at

and put off bedtime for as long as possible. least two naps a day, one in the morning and one in
the afternoon, each lasting from one to three hours.
However, regular rest and sleep are necessary. Just as
food is needed for energy and growth, sleep allows Toddlers between ages two and three may sleep 9
the body to relax and refuel for the next burst of en- to 13 hours a day. Many toddlers will take one long
ergy. Children who do not learn how to rest and relax nap around lunchtime. Or, they may take two
at naptime often become overly tired and have trouble shorter naps.
going to sleep at night.
Preschoolers, ages four and five, need at least 10 to
Parents/caregivers also need a chance to relax and 12 hours of sleep each night. Some will take naps but
have some “down time.” After a respite during others will resist going to sleep.
naptime or a well-deserved night’s sleep, adults will
be better prepared to interact with children. Routines
Routines are important for children. Knowing what to
Sleep Needs expect helps them feel more secure. Routines help
Young children need lots of sleep. They can’t get by children develop self-control, independence, responsi-
on a few hours like adults tend to do. It is not realistic bility, decision-making, and problem-solving skills.
to expect children to operate on the same sleep sched-
ule as adults. Naptime and bedtime routines should be a positive
time for both adults and children. A set sleeping
Newborn babies will sleep about 16 hours a day at routine can help lessen sleeping problems.
first. But remember each baby requires a different
amount of sleep. Parents/caregivers will soon learn An important concept to consider is the difference
what is “normal” for a particular child. Babies don’t between putting a child to bed and putting a child to
know the difference between night and day and will sleep. It is the adult’s responsibility to put a child to
sometimes get them mixed up, sleeping more during bed. Then the child has a choice to either rest or sleep.
the day and less at night. No one can make a child sleep.
Place healthy babies on their backs when putting There are several things a parent/caregiver can do to
them down to sleep. Research indicates this action establish a calming naptime/bedtime routine.
can reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome Although each child and family situation is unique,
(SIDS). Do not put babies to sleep on soft surfaces or the following ideas may be helpful.
Pm 1784 June 1999

• Give children some transition time. Say, “it’s As children grow and develop, their sleep patterns
naptime in 10 minutes” or “after I read you a and needs will probably change. Other situations also
story, it will be time to go to sleep.” It may help to can cause a disruption. These include a new bed; a
use a timer or set the alarm on a clock so children new room or sleeping arrangement; moving to a new
will know when time is up. home; disruption in family relationships (new baby,
divorce, death, marriage); absence of a family mem-
• Set rules about number of stories, drinks of water, ber or pet; or a change in daytime schedule.
popping out of bed, etc.
• Plan a wind-down or calming activity. Read a

Common Problems
story, turn down the lights, play quiet music, or Children often wake and call for a parent/caregiver
just talk. TV, movies, roughhousing, or active while sleeping. When this happens, give the child
games are not good choices prior to naptime or some time to go back to sleep. If crying or calling
bedtime. persists, check on the child. Reassure the child that
everything is all right and then leave. Sleeping with
• Allow children to have some security – favorite the child, giving treats, taking the child to parents’
stuffed animals, blankie, night light, the door bed, etc. will only reward the child and start habits
open, flashlight by the bed. that will be difficult to break.
Night terrors and nightmares are a fairly common

• Talk about fears and anxieties. Do a “monster
occurrence in children. Children having night
check” if that seems to be a concern.
terrors will wake up suddenly soon after falling
asleep. Children may scream, sit up in bed, breathe
• Avoid activities that compete with resting or going
quickly, be glassy eyed, and also be confused. This
to sleep. Have adults and older children observe
can last up to 30 minutes. Children will fall back to
similar quiet time. This will encourage the little
sleep quickly and will wake in the morning not
ones to go to sleep. Remember, they don’t want to
remembering anything.
miss out on anything exciting.
Children having nightmares can remember the scary
• Decide on a regular bedtime that is approximately details and have trouble going back to sleep. Night-
10 to 12 hours before the child needs to get up. If mares usually happen in the early morning hours.
a child is getting up too early, he may be going to Nightmares are often the result of events, situations,
bed too soon. On the other hand, if a child is or images that trouble a child. Children will have
grumpy or drowsy, he may not be getting to bed nightmares more often when anxious or under stress.
early enough.
Parents/caregivers should remain calm when chil-
• Adjust daytime naps to support the bedtime dren have night terrors or nightmares. Hold the
schedule. Remember naptime is a time for rest child and talk in a soothing voice. Stay with the
and relaxing. Children may or may not actually child until he/she falls asleep because he/she needs
sleep during naptime. to feel safe and secure.
Learning how to rest and relax is a valuable skill.

Balancing active and quiet times helps people stay well both physically and emotionally.
Prepared by Donna K. Donald, Field Specialist/Family Life, Iowa State University Extension.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) prohibits discrimination in all its Building, 14th and Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, DC 20250-9410 or
programs and activities on the basis of race, color, national origin, gender, call 202-720-5964.
religion, age, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, and marital or family Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30,
status. (Not all prohibited bases apply to all programs.) Many materials can be 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Stanley R.
made available in alternative formats for ADA clients. To file a complaint of Johnson, director, Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of
discrimination, write USDA, Office of Civil Rights, Room 326-W, Whitten Science and Technology, Ames, Iowa.

Childhood stress—what parents can do
All families experience stress or crisis at some time or another. Natural disasters, death, divorce,
illness, and financial hardships sometimes are especially difficult to deal with when you have young
children. The following suggestions may help.
Spend time each day with your child Take care of yourself
You have a tremendous influence on the growth and Stressful times can bring major changes in life. Just
development of your child. Even if everything else is when you most need to relax, you feel so many
falling apart around you, find time to spend at least a demands that you think you can’t take the time. You
few minutes each day with your child. A few loving may be so used to physical work and mental tension
words, a hug, and a kiss can work wonders. that you are unable to sleep. The key to successful
relaxation is that it be enjoyable and easy. You also
Be consistent in what you ask your child to do must feel that it’s OK to relax. It is! In order for you to
Children have little control over life. They need to perform well under pressure, your mind and body
know that you are predictable and that they can must have time for renewal. Take 20 minutes a day
depend on you. Children can settle down after a for a restful activity—you might walk, lose yourself
crisis more easily if you establish some daily rou- in a book, draw mental pictures, or just sit comfort-
tines as quickly as possible. Even though the routine ably in uninterrupted quiet. When you feel fatigued,
is not the same as before, it’s good to find a regular give in to the need to sleep. Even though you think
time for meals and bedtime. you can’t stop in the middle of work—you should
stop. Forcing yourself to continue when the body
Get to know your child’s teacher or caregiver needs to sleep can lead to insomnia.
Share information about the family and daily rou-
tines with your child’s teacher or caregiver. Let this Don’t be afraid to ask for help
person know what difficulties and problems your Someone else may need your help later on. You’ll
child is facing. This will help a teacher or caregiver be in a better position to offer help to them if you
know how to help your child in daily tasks and in can reach out for help now. Most communities have
learning new skills and behaviors. resources to provide your family with food, clothing,
shelter, counseling, job referral, and training. Friends
Ease the transition from home to school and relatives can be a big support, if you let them
Children will feel more comfortable and secure at know what you need. Children begin to relax and
care centers and schools if small reminders of their feel secure when they sense an easing of tension in
child care or school life are placed in the home. their parents.
Perhaps you can hang some pictures your child
drew at school. You might take some snapshots of Prepared by extension specialists at Iowa State University.
your child’s classmates and teachers and display
them at home. Ask your child’s teacher if he or she . . . and justice for all
The Iowa Cooperative Extension Service’s programs and policies are
could bring a favorite toy or familiar object from consistent with pertinent federal and state laws and regulations on
home to school. nondiscrimination regarding race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age
and disability.
Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and

Technology and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperating.
Robert M. Anderson, Jr., director, Ames, Iowa. Distributed in furtherance
of the Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914.
Recovery-17 | August 1993

Childresn Stages

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The Par tners in P

For more information, please contact:

Institute of Behavioral Research

ii A TCU /DATAR Manual

Partners in Parenting 197

By 4 months • Baby proof everything! Store toxic substances such as dish-

PM 1530A Revised March 2001

Partners in Parenting 199

200 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Partners in Parenting 201

The developmental information provided in this bulletin

202 A TCU/DATAR Manual

The second year is a delightful time for parents and

PM 1530B Revised May 2001

• plays peek-a-boo Books for children

204 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Welcome to the world of toddlerhood! This stage brings a

PM 1530C Revised May 2001

Partners in Parenting 205

206 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Two-year-olds like to be independent! Favorite

Pm-1530d | Reprinted | June 1995

Partners in Parenting 207

File: Family life 8

208 A TCU/DATAR Manual

The 3-year-old is full of wonder, and spends a lot of

PM 1530E Revised April 2001

210 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Energetic and imaginative best describes the four-

Pm-1530f | July 1993

212 A TCU/DATAR Manual

The 5-year-old is cheerful, energetic, and enthusi-

PM 1530G Revised April 2001

214 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Your school-ager is now ready for a steady pace of growing

PM 1530H Revised May 2001

Partners in Parenting 215

Toy list A word on development

216 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Friendships and accomplishments are important to older

PM 1530i Revised May 2001

Partners in Parenting 217

218 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Preteen, Young Teen Development

Pm-1547e | December 1993

Partners in Parenting 219

For further reading, get copies of

220 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Fond memories of childhood sight, sound, smell, texture, and

Pm-1529m | Reprinted | June 1997

Partners in Parenting 221

222 A TCU/DATAR Manual

8 to 12 years • hobby materi- • fireworks of

Partners in Parenting 223

224 A TCU/DATAR Manual

PM 1529i Reprinted November 1998

226 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Partners in Parenting 227

228 A TCU/DATAR Manual

Typical language skills • Responds to name.

• Cries in different ways to say, • Understands names of some

Pm-1529f Reprinted Jule 1998