(2014). Brit. J. Psychother.

, (30)(4):462-474

Birds, Beasts and Babies: Notes from an Infant Observation

Sally McLaren
SYMBOL, SYNCHRONICITY, IMAGINATION, MEANING, INFANT OBSERVATION

This essay is based on my final report covering the second year of my Infant Observation of baby Max. I attempt to convey
my experience and the impact it has had upon me and this takes me into a number of different areas: into the content and
symbolism of what I observed, into the relationships between observer and child, mother and infant, analyst and analysand
and into stories and mythology. As images and symbols are amplified threads link together. Synchronicity is one of the
uniting factors and I relate my thoughts and observations to the work and theories of others. Beasts appear - the goldfinch,
the fly, the Gruffalo, the mouse, the Wild Things … and more - and I consider how these might offer a window into Max's
inner world. I focus on the interface between internal and external worlds and reflect upon the concept of an intermediate
space and the question of meaning.

My encounter with baby Max during a two year Infant Observation Course has had a significant impact upon me both
personally and professionally and I attempt here to convey something of that experience. This essay is based on my
second year report.

Max and the Goldfinch

Max's parents are members of a church where I was also a member for many years. I found them through a mutual
contact. We know a little of each other's history and I am aware that there is pain and loss on both sides of their family, as
there is for all of us. None of these things are talked about between us; I am there as a quiet observer. In this observation
Max is 1 year 24 weeks old. I have noticed that Max has a curiosity for detail and tiny things. I am sitting in the garden with
Max and his mother, Rebecca. I write in my notes later:

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Mum suddenly exclaims that a bird has hit the patio window …There is a tiny bird lying on the mat next to her. She says it
is stunned … Max is standing close to me looking at me … We look at each other seriously … Mum has called to Dad … he
comes out of the garage to have a look. He thinks it might be a baby goldfinch … Max comes towards Dad and Dad says no,
he cannot pick him up - his hands are all greasy. He goes back to the garage … Max cries loudly as the door is shut in his face
… Mum has now fetched a camera … Max sits between her legs and stops crying - I see the tears - he is looking at the camera
and trying to get it. Mum talks about the bird … suddenly I see his eyes leap forward to the bird and he sees it for the first time.
He wants to touch it. Mum is holding him back. No Max you must not touch - it is a baby bird - a baby like you. The bird turns
its head slightly. She says he is looking at you Max. Every now and again Max makes a bid to touch it but Mum gently holds
him back … Max gets off her lap and crouches down to look at it. He still wants to touch it but Mum says no and he does not
…Max brings me a book. He places it on the wall … I shift along to make room for it … he presses little pictures to make noises
… he seems to be doing this for me … Then he goes back to the bird crouching on the floor looking at the bird … he lies down
on his tummy and observes it intently from that angle too. I think he would still like to touch it … I am impressed by his
self-control. I think about me observing Max and Max observing the baby bird. I wonder about birds … and this particular

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stunned bird … and what is in Max's mind as he looks at it …

The bird has become a symbol for me in my analysis over a long period. On one occasion at a significant time, just before I
began this Observation Course, a little bird was trapped behind the net curtain in my analyst's room. We did not know how
it could have got inside the room; she fetched a duster and gently helped it escape through the window.

After my observation of Max that day I did some research on the goldfinch. Because of the thistle seeds it eats in Christian
symbolism it is associated with the Passion and Christ's Crown of Thorns. Appearing in pictures of the Madonna and the
Christ child, it represents the foreknowledge that Jesus and Mary had of the Crucifixion. It is also an emblem of
fruitfulness and persistence. It is a ‘saviour’ bird, sometimes pictured with the common fly representing sin and disease
(Friedmann, 1946). Crivelli's (c. 1480) painting Madonna and Child (see Figure 1) depicts goldfinch, fly, fruit and trees in
exquisite detail. Max was born on Good Friday and April Fools' Day. Rebecca had silent contractions - she felt no pain until
the final 20 minutes.

Two weeks later we are in the garden again:

Mum says to Max, would you like some grapes? She picks a small bunch from up above where they are growing on the
wooden trellis and gives them to him … He is eating the grapes. He is standing again and looking up into the Perspex roof
which extends from the back of the house. I look. Mum looks - what are you looking at? she says. There is a little fly buzzing
around. Are you looking at that fly? Mum says. He looks for a long moment. He looks at me. He looks at the fly …

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From the earliest days I would occasionally experience a sense of deep mutual recognition between Max and myself. I
developed an increasing sense of belief that babies are open to some other level of reality, albeit unconsciously, which
gets lost to a certain extent as they take their place in the world, establishing a sense of identity, and may only be

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rediscovered in later life at a more conscious level, if and when an individual attempts to reconnect with their inner lives.
Some might think of this as pertaining to the realm of the collective unconscious and archetypal experience, some kind of
objective reality which transcends both the human mind and the external world. Jung (1955) would see moments of
synchronicity as manifestations of this psychoid reality. This incident was an example of synchronicity, of meaningful
coincidence, a moment when archetypal images and themes are activated. Jung writes:

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‘Synchronicity … means the simultaneous occurrence of a certain psychic state with one or more external events which
appear as meaningful parallels to the momentary subjective state’ (1955a, para 850)

Further reflection on this incident has led me to think about the relationship between Max and his mother, between my
analyst and me and between my mother and me. From the earliest days I felt privileged to be able to witness the intimacy
between Max and his mother. There would be many occasions when I saw them face to face, Rebecca making big eyes at
Max, kissing, laughing, playing, touching and holding. It was as though they were in love and the feelings were almost
tangible. This has helped me to appreciate the significance of all the moment by moment interactions between mother
and infant during those early days before language is available and the repercussions for later relationships and in the
consulting room.

This subject is considered by the Boston Change Process Group (2010) which brings insights from the study of infancy to
bear on thinking about psychoanalytic processes. It introduces the idea of ‘the “something more” than interpretation’ in
considering how change takes place in therapy, challenging the central role attributed to interpretation, and contributes to
a redefining of how adults and children make meaning with one another. I think it also hints at something beyond relational
meaning, which is more difficult to articulate.

My observations of Max and his mother have put me more closely in touch with my own early feelings and experiences.
This has been important for me not only in my own process of healing and individuation but also as a therapist involved in
the healing of others. This was crystallized for me in symbolic form in this incident with the goldfinch. My awareness of
my own pain is instrumental in the deepest healing processes which can take place between myself and my patients and
these happen at an unconscious level. This is the Wounded Healer archetype that Jung describes (Stevens, 1990, p. 246).

The capacity for symbolization is indeed a fundamental component of the analytic process. Feldman (2004) describes the
evolution of internal space and psychological boundaries, within which symbolization takes place, emerging in infancy, and
shows how this has a significant impact on later development. He focuses on the crucial role of maternal containment or
lack of it in influencing how this capacity for symbolization develops. What is this internal space like for Max? It is the
place where dreaming, reverie and imaginative activities take place. What role does his mother take in facilitating this
activity?

As in this incident with the bird, Rebecca would frequently provide commentary and show a curiosity about what Max was
experiencing. My feeling was that this conveyed genuine interest in his internal world, a capacity to empathize and provide
containment as well as the space for him to develop as an individual. She told me how she was noticing things about Max
that she would not have been aware of with her first two children and that this was because of my presence each week.
She would often recount to me some story of particular delight that had happened in the week and she would wonder what
was going on in Max's mind. This would all contribute to creating

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an environment in which imaginal functions could safely be exercised and Max showed evidence increasingly of
developing into a little boy with considerable imagination as well as curiosity and a mind of his own.

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 Max in his Bedroom

At the beginning of the goldfinch observation Rebecca had told me about Max's activities when he is alone in his bedroom:

Mum is telling me how he climbs out of his cot now and she finds him in all sorts of places. He gets in the cupboard and
sits there behind the door. The other night she went in and could not see him anywhere - she looked and looked - she thought
he had disappeared and then she looked behind the curtain - he was standing up flat against the window - you are a monkey
aren't you? she says to him.

Max slept in his own bedroom by himself throughout the first two years of his life. Much of his time is spent there. What is
the significance of this for his internal world and the development of imaginal functions? It is the place where he sleeps
and dreams, when he is most in touch with his inner world, and it is the place where he makes that transition to the outer
world. His ability to differentiate inner and outer reality would have grown by the second year of his life but even as adults
we often experience that in-between state as we wake when the difference is not clear. His bedroom is therefore a
transitional space. Sometimes Mum or Dad is with him but increasingly he can be on his own, explore and create his own
private and imaginary world. I wonder if climbing inside the cupboard reflects a wish to get back inside the womb; he is
experimenting with being inside and outside. The window is a membrane just like skin, between inner experience and outer
reality.

I often observed Max asleep in his room. I would take in his surroundings and the sounds and smells which would be part
of his experience, watching for any signs that he might be dreaming or reacting to some other internal or external stimulus.
I would hear the birds singing outside and his parents' voices downstairs. I also witnessed the moments of his waking
when Mum would appear in the room to help him make the transition back into the external world, moments of intimacy
and skin to skin contact. However, it was not always a peaceful oasis. When Max is 1 year 36 weeks old, I write:

I am arriving at an earlier time today as the family are going out to Annie's school later for a special Christmas event …
Max is upstairs - he will not go to sleep … Mum is standing outside Max's room listening. She whispers to me that he has been
in there an hour and still has not gone to sleep. He has trashed his room she says. He will not last the day without a sleep. I
hear Max making contented noises … we hear a scraping noise … Mum marches in … I hear her say in a loud cross voice - no,
you must not do that - now go to sleep. After a minute or two she reappears. Max carries on with his noises - sometimes he is
quiet … Mum fetches the stool and says perhaps I could observe Max through the window

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above the door. She climbs up onto the stool and looks through the window and then gets down and invites me to look. I
do the same … Max is lying in his cot making noises …

Max makes different noises … dadada sounds … then raa raa raa sounds … then a growling sound and a roaring sound. I
think at one point it sounds as though he is providing the sounds for a story going on in his head. Dad calls up that lunch is
ready … Mum goes in again - she does not talk to him - I think she settles him down - she is in there for several minutes - I see
her stand there watching Max - he is still making sounds. I notice all the clothes and toys on the floor … She goes downstairs
… I sit on the stool outside Max's room. The door is open … I see Max's head appear out of the side of the cot. Then he is
standing by me in the doorway looking at me. Mum calls up - are you out she says. Max looks wide awake and alert … Mum
appears … She takes his hand and they walk slowly downstairs …

Max may have been expressing some aggressive and destructive feelings in response to being left in his cot when he did
not feel like sleeping. He has trashed his room. Perhaps he was protesting at yet again having to fit in with the needs of
others in the family, something which Mum has to manage on a daily basis. It transpires that Max has done a poo, getting
rid of some bad feelings perhaps but leaving him with pleasurable ones.

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I am struck by how Max appears to manage his own feelings for a considerable length of time. He finds a way to express
them and process them; I wonder if he does this partly by telling himself stories and by using his imagination. My
countertransference to the retelling of this observation as to so many others with Max is to laugh and I think that Max's
developing sense of humour may play a role. His room is also the place where I have witnessed some of the most intimate
encounters with Mum and Dad as they change his nappy, talking to him and letting him play and explore with a bare
bottom.

There are few restrictions for Max in his room. Some bars have been removed from the side of his cot so he can swing out
like a monkey; the baby monitor is always on; perhaps at some level he is aware that Mum always holds him in mind even
when he cannot see her. I am suggesting that his experience of the containing space of his room will contribute to his
acknowledgement of an inner space where symbolization processes take place and to his developing sense of interiority.
But I return to that sense of humour which he shares with his parents:

Max walks fast across the room and climbs up onto the chair next to Dad. Dad says did you hear me - did you know I was
here? … Max wraps an arm round Dad's neck. Mum says you've got your Dad now. Dad makes a face - have you done a poo
Max - thanks for bringing that to the table … is it leaking out he says to Max … tell us, have you Max - have you done a poo -
talk to us Max they say. Max seems not to understand - he puts his face close to Dad - as though he thinks it is a great joke -
Dad looks at him with big eyes - poo, Max have you

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done a poo? - Max covers his face with his hands and then takes them away saying boo to Dad - he does this a few times -
Mum and Dad are laughing - Dad is saying boo too …

Max was a late talker; by the end of my two-year observation I had only heard him say the occasional word. He found other
ways of communicating. It became characteristic of him to make roaring and growling noises. We wondered in the
seminar group whether he thought he was an animal. There are no pets in his home but animals are part of his world.
There was a Winnie the Pooh wall frieze around his room; there were animal toys; Mum and he would frequently sit looking
at books of animals, making animal noises together. I often saw her on all fours looking fierce and chasing Max, causing
him much excitement. In this observation in his room he is having a conversation with himself. As he makes noises I have
a sense that he is telling himself a story and stories, like symbols, are ways of communicating meaning.

Max and the Gruffalo

One of the stories to emerge as part of the culture of Max's family was The Gruffalo (Donaldson & Scheffler, 1999). He has
a giant Gruffalo floor puzzle, and there are large wall stencils in his siblings' bedroom of the story characters. When Max is
1 year 44 weeks old I write:

They are both engaged in this floor puzzle now - large pieces - a picture of the big brown Gruffalo monster and a little
mouse. Mum gets it going - she is putting a piece in and Max snatches it from her - he puts it in - she shows him more pieces -
helps him when he cannot do it - talks to him about what is on the pieces - look Max this is the Gruffalo's nose. He points to
his nose - no, not your nose - the Gruffalo's nose - and he points to the Gruffalo's nose. He puts the piece in place. Look Max
these are the mouse's toes - Max holds the piece … looks at it carefully - he points at it … When he puts it in Mum says well
done Max - yaaay - well done - good boy - and they both clap. And here are the Gruffalo's toes - Max takes the piece … studies
it again … puts it in …

Then he is holding a piece with the Gruffalo's teeth on it - he points at them - at his teeth - yes, Max those are the
Gruffalo's teeth - it's his mouth - I see her teeth - I see Max's teeth - I see Dad's teeth as he turns round from his task - Max

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holds the puzzle piece against Mum's face - he pushes it hard - she does not resist - what are you doing Max? - he is pushing
very hard … is he laughing? She does pull away then and he does it again. Why don't you put it on your face? she says and he
does. He pushes it hard against his face. Then there is one last piece to go in … Mum gives it to him … he puts it in place. And
there is the clapping and the ‘well done’. Max is looking at the mouse - Mum says go and get your mouse Max - he is over
there under the table … he runs over to the table and peers underneath. He returns with the mouse and presses him down on
the puzzle where the mouse is.

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Perhaps Max is identifying with certain aspects of the animal characters. The story is about a mouse who strolls through
the woods, meeting a fox, an owl and a snake. They all try to eat him, but he uses cunning to scare them away with stories
of a terrifying and imaginary Gruffalo. Then to his horror he meets a real Gruffalo. The quick thinking mouse again uses
cunning to achieve his purpose and finally sits peacefully eating a nut. This story is based on a traditional Chinese folk tale
of a fox that borrows the terror of a tiger (Donaldson, 2010). Max is the little one of the family and has to find a way of
asserting himself. Perhaps he is finding a cunning way of doing this; the roaring may indicate his increasing sense of
potency. He is working something out here with Mum. What is ‘me’ and what is ‘not me’? Dad is in the background, in the
shadows, cleaning out the log-burning stove with his new tools. Who holds the power? There are sexual undercurrents.
Dad is the third element of the Oedipal triangle, to whom Max is increasingly drawn. Archetypal themes, which are
universal and timeless, appear in the ancient myths and folklore and reappear in the stories of today and become part of a
little boy's inner world and developing sense of self.

Fordham postulated a primary self containing ‘all of the archetypal potential of the human being’ (Feldman, 2004, p. 292),
and Sidoli (2000) demonstrates how archetypal imagery formed in early life can permanently affect a person's psychology.
I wonder if my observations of Max indicate the formation of certain archetypal imagery relating to this self which may
reappear in later life and I think they illustrate the importance of the role of his mother in the evolution of a secure internal
space where this archetypal potential of the self may be more fully and more consciously experienced in symbolic form at
that time. Both the archetypal and symbolic aspects of human experience and the developmental aspects must be held in
tension in analysis.

This theme is taken up by Shiho Main (2008) as she poses the question: what can Jungian psychology contribute to
understanding children and childhood? Amongst other things she discusses how Jung's view of development in terms of
individuation is relevant to child development, particularly the notion of regression; she discusses Jung's distinction
between the child archetype and the actual child, and the concepts of recapitulation and of development itself.

Max and the Wild Things

So Max gave me the story of the Gruffalo and I gave him the story of the Wild Things. Where The Wild Things Are is a
favourite picture book given to my youngest brother by our Granny many years ago. The film of the book was released just
before I began my Observation and Maurice Sendak, the author and illustrator, died just a month after finishing. The plot is
as follows:

A young boy named Max, after dressing in his wolf costume, wreaks havoc through his household …

'… his mother called him ‘WILD THING!’

And Max said ‘I'LL EAT YOU UP!’

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 So he was sent to bed without eating anything.'

Once he is left alone Max's bedroom undergoes a mysterious transformation into a jungle environment, with an ocean
tumbling by and he sails to an island inhabited by malicious beasts known as the ‘Wild Things’….

'they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth

And rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws….'

After successfully intimidating the creatures with the magic trick of staring into their eyes without blinking, Max is hailed
as the king of the Wild Things and enjoys a playful romp with his subjects; however, he decides to return home,

‘to be where someone loved him best of all’

'But the wild things cried, “Oh please don't go

- we'll eat you up - we love you so!”

And Max said, “No!”

After arriving in his bedroom, Max discovers a hot supper waiting for him. (Sendak, 1967)

When I told the seminar group that I had bought this book for Max as a farewell gift, the leader told me that she had based
her final training paper on this very story.

There are different ways of reading this tale. It shows the importance of a secure internal space where imaginal activities
can take place, helping us to come to terms with the realities of our lives and with the difficult and conflicting feelings that
ensue. This takes place in symbolic form. It indicates the importance of a secure emotional attachment. Experiences such
as these are an important part of the process of understanding ourselves and developing as individuals. At the same time I
think they are also the essential grounding for a later and far more profound experience of the Self.

This story speaks to me personally of the journey into the deepest places of the psyche to face my worst fears, my darkest
thoughts and my highest aspirations. It is on this journey into the deepest levels of the unconscious primarily in later life
when symbolization processes set in motion in activities such as dreaming and active imagination can lead not only to
healing but to the coming into consciousness of the Self in the process of individuation. Indeed Jung has said that only the
symbolic life can express the needs of the soul (1939, para 627). It is through symbols that the deepest meaning is
communicated and they spring from the most unknown and directly unknowable levels of human experience.

And so I come back to synchronicity. When I gave Max this book on our last day together, Rebecca told me to my relief
that they did not have it. She thought they had borrowed it from the library once but she could not remember it; she had
forgotten the

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boy was called Max. Later I noticed the words on Max's T-shirt which I had not seen him wear before. It said ‘Wild Thing’.

It was a sunny day and we went out into the garden:

Max seems to be pretending to be some kind of fierce animal. He lowers his head and lifts his arms, his fingers curled like
claws … He makes a noise but not quite a growl. He comes towards us and snatches at Mum's trousered knee and then at
mine. He retreats and then comes back again - and repeats this … Rebecca has the usual shiny pendant on, blue and silver,

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that I remember from the earliest days …

I am watching from a distance. Max has been wandering around the garden. There is a small garden bed at the back in
the left hand corner. There are shrubs at the front and I think maybe rhubarb, perhaps herbs behind the shrubs … a stone or
two to stand on. Max walks into this patch … He walks round the back - I see him through the shrubs, and he reappears, walks
across the front of the bed on the grass and goes back in. He is going round in a circle and he does this four times.

He plays in this area for a while with the odd glance from Mum and a word. He runs around a bit wildly making noises, his
arms in the air, and Mum says you are quite mad. He tears at a grassy plant … He looks towards Mum. She is not looking. He
tears some strands off. She turns round and sees and says firmly NO MAX - you must not do that to Daddy's plant. This
happens several times - he goes away and comes back to it - until Mum gets up and picks him up and sits him on the grass
almost roughly. NO MAX YOU MUST NOT DO THAT! I am afraid he does not look repentant. You cannot play there if you carry
on doing that. She goes back to her newspaper.

Then he is walking around behind the shrubs again. He is making noises - not quite roaring - but it makes me think of
animals. He stands and looks towards me - we are looking at each other over and between the shrubs. He walks back and
forth and stops and looks at me again - we are exchanging looks - he is like an animal prowling back and forth - he knows I am
looking at him - he is partly hidden but I can see him.

Max has gone back to the garden. He is pulling out bits of that grassy plant again and looking mischievous. Mum sees
and says now is that just naughty or is it wilful disobedience? She says NO. He goes away and come back. He does it again
and looks defiantly at Mum. She gets up and picks him up and plonks him

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on the grass again on his bottom telling him he must not do it. You will sit on the grass now and stay there … she is even
firmer and louder this time. She is cross. She sits back on her towel again. Max gets up and pushes his face, chin forward,
towards her defiantly and aggressively. I feel there is laughter behind it. He runs towards her - grabs her hair - throws his arms
around her neck - well, I do not know the full sequence of events but all I can say is that the next minute they are laughing.

He gets up and comes towards me. He sits on the log opposite me with his can of coke. We look at each other. He is quite
close. We are just sitting quietly with each other, for a few minutes, together. He puts his fingers in the can. Then he has a
thumb in and starts to look a little distressed. I realize his thumb is stuck and start to get up to help him but Mum appears
quickly on the scene and gets it out.

It is nearly time for me to go. Max runs into the house - I wait for a moment expecting him to come back but he does not.
So I say to Rebecca it is time for me to go and she says is it that time already. She calls Max but he does not come and then
as she moves towards the house she says he has run out the front. She dashes off and brings him back. As she holds him, he
is pointing towards the front door and saying ‘bar’ which I know means car and I wonder to myself madly if he knew I was
about to leave and was going to hide in my car. Anyway Mum is in charge again and telling him I am about to leave and to say
goodbye for the last time … he kisses me and we say goodbye …

As I reflect on this observation I notice recurring and evolving themes from the two years of the observation. The
ever-present pendant reminds me of the newborn Max at his mother's breast in those first days. I see the continuing
struggle for Max in the interplay of aggressive and loving feelings for his mother, the eternal conflict of love and hate,
resolved here in expressions of love and laughter. I see a reflection of that struggle in his behaviour towards me as I
prepare to leave him. Does he want me to see how much it hurts? He is hiding but he wants to be seen. I feel the mutual
pain of our parting. But I also see a symbol of the self in the circle and the quaternity, representative of the archetype of
wholeness.

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I cannot know for certain what is in Max's mind and neither can I give a precise account of the meaning behind the
synchronicity in this observation. I can only begin to approach the truth by describing my experience and my ‘wonderings’.
Meaning can be understood on different levels. Bright (1997), in a paper based on Jung's work on synchronicity and its
relevance to the analytic attitude, and in more recent work (Bright, 2014), describes a psychoid dimension where objective
and underlying meaning and order can be found, an objective meaning which is unconscious and therefore not fully
knowable. These moments of synchronicity with Max were a manifestation of this psychoid dimension in consciousness.
But the objective meaning

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behind it cannot be articulated in a rational explanation; it is unknown and unknowable; its presence can only be inferred
through my subjective experience as the observer. Roderick Main (2007) presents a very thorough examination of
synchronicity and considers it as a form of spiritual experience. Kalsched, offering a psycho-spiritual approach to human
development and healing, describes an intermediate space between mind and body, a collective stratum of the psyche:

half-way between the human and divine; half-way between the left and right hemispheres; halfway between the ego and
unconscious; halfway between the inner and outer worlds where (one eye looking out and one eye looking in) the real truth of
all stories resides … this is where the human soul seems to ‘live’. (2013, p. 117)

Several weeks after the final observation I received an email from Rebecca:

… Max and the others have really enjoyed reading Where the Wild Things Are, and the more you read it the more you
realize how much our Max is like that Max! Especially their shared enjoyment of roaring ☺

I thought you might like some photos of Max from the blob at the beginning that just slept to the cheeky monkey that is
now our big boy. The last two years have gone by a little too quickly for my liking, but hopefully I'll remember it more because
you were there …

The Infant Observation has been of significant meaning for me. Rebecca here alludes to the meaning for her. She gave me
photos of Max from the outside; perhaps I brought her photos of Max from the inside.

Recurring and Evolving, Recurring and Evolving …

The night after I finished my report, I had a dream:

I am lying in bed with 'my other half and there is a little boy between us. I know that something awesome is going to
happen but I am not afraid. Suddenly there is a big eagle in the room. How can it have got in? Its wings are flapping, flapping,
flapping… the little boy gets up to let it out… I am calm and I tell him to open the window and he does. The eagle flies out…

Several months later I am sitting in my living room. I have been accepted onto the psychotherapy training. This is my
moment… long awaited. I have had the idea of adapting my report for the Essay Competition, but as I sit there in thought I
am struggling with how to do this. Suddenly I hear a fluttering. I see a bird in the empty grate of the log-burning stove. I
have heard birds nesting on the roof but I feel sure there is a cover over the chimney. I fetch some gloves and open the
patio doors. I reach into the stove for the bird and carefully release him into the garden. He is a blackbird but he is not a
baby. He is grown. He hops about on the grass for a while, a little stunned, and then he is gone.

473

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 Acknowledgements

I am grateful to Max's parents for so generously opening their home to me and for their permission to publish this paper,
and I am grateful to the seminar leader Marilyn Mathew for challenging me to ‘play’.

Madonna and Child, Crivelli (c. 1480) has been downloaded for publication from the website of the Metropolitan Museum
of Art in accordance with the Museum's Open Access for Scholarly Content (see reference below).

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Crivelli, C. (c. 1480) Madonna and Child.The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York. The Jules Bache Collection, 1949.
Available at: http://www.metmuseum.org/

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