Self-Envy and Jealousy: Why We Feel the Green-Eyed Monster

Janine Trixia B. Lee

Envy and jealousy are powerful and painful feelings that can play between people. They are
relational and self-conscious emotions, in which threats to the self-image, it is a strong and
painful emotions that can affect relationships. These feelings are linked to how we see ourselves
and our self-worth. Envy and jealousy also refer to the internal emotional experiences of
comparing oneself to an idealized version or perceived accomplishments of the self. This theory
posits that these emotions emerge from innate human nature.

Humans have a natural inclination to set personal benchmarks and goals for self-improvement.
Envy and jealousy may emerge when there is a perceived gap between the current self and the
idealized self. This internal comparison serves as a motivational tool, prompting individuals to
strive for personal growth and development. Self - envy and jealousy can serve as a positive
force, driving individuals to overcome challenges, acquire new skills, and achieve personal
goals. The discomfort generated by recognizing the disparity between the present self and the
desired self can fuel motivation and resilience, leading to positive transformations.

Envy and jealousy are powerful and painful feelings that can arise in human intercourse. They
are feelings that exist between children, between child and parent, between adults, between
groups and between social classes. In everyday language, the terms are often used
synonymously, but there are clear reasons to distinguish them conceptually.

According to the Turkish Language Association (TDK, 2011), jealousy is defined as a “negative
attitude when someone shows superiority or thought that a loved one is interested in someone
else, envy, annoyance.”

The terms “jealousy” and “envy” in Turkish are generally thought to have the same meaning.
However, these two concepts are used for different purposes. According to the Turkish Language
Association (2011), envy is more often used and expressed as not standing. Envy is mostly
defined as the desire for something in the hands of another individual but not in the person’s
hands and the deprivation of the person who has that thing. Jealousy is expressed as the fear of
losing something that exists (Özdemir, 2018).

One feels envy when someone else possess something one would like to have for oneself.
Jealousy occurs when one fears losing an important relationship to a real or imaginary rival.
Envy is a feeling that evokes disapproval and with it shame and the tendency to hide. Envy often
hides behind jealousy. Envy is often accompanied by jealousy.

The fact that the concepts are interchanged can give the impression that they are equivalent
emotions (Salovey & Rodin, 1988). While there are many similarities, there are also reasons for
conceptually distinguishing both emotions. Research by Parrott and Smith (1993) shows that
there are qualitative differences between the experiences of jealousy and envy that justify a
distinction between the two emotions. Envy and jealousy arise from different situations, evoke
different thoughts and fantasies, and are associated with different emotional experiences (Smith
& Kim, 2007).

The concept of jealousy is one of the emotions that have the potential to consume the individual.
This situation also brings negativity with it in daily life (Özdemir, 2018). Taştan and Küçük
(2019) express that one of the factors affecting productivity is jealousy in their scientific writings
explaining work behaviors contrary to productivity, state social comparison, especially between
individuals, reveals the feeling of envy and stimulates the feeling of inadequacy in the individual.

Literature Review
When the related literature is examined, the types of jealousy are listed as romantic jealousy,
sibling jealousy, and workplace jealousy. (Özdemir, 2018; Özdemir & Erdem, 2020).

 Romantic Jealousy
Romantic jealousy emerges by creating a threat approach to a relationship and generates
hatred and the desire to harm. Romantic jealousy is an irregular reaction that occurs in
romantic and handheld relationships against negative attitudes made or predicted for this
relationship (Pines, 2003). Internal thoughts may include feelings that they grow in
 his/her inner world, such as selfblame, comparison with others, self-pity. Physical
negativities arise due to the growth and inability of these emotions to be expressed within
the individual. These negativities; rashes, excessive sweating, itching, tremor attacks,
rapid heartbeat, and blackout of the eyes (Silva, 1997).
 Sibling Jealousy
From the moment children are born, they feel the love they receive from their parents,
with a sense of belonging. When a new member joins the family, the first feeling felt is a
wave of intense anger. In addition to anger, there are feelings of pity and sadness. Until
the sibling is born, the young child shows indifference towards the mother and alienation.
These feelings give rise to the idea that with a newborn brother’s arrival, the mother will
be deprived of her love. The younger sibling does not share family members until he
reaches his age, and jealousy grows (Thompson, 2004). In some cases, the family’s
failure to help the elder sibling on these issues causes permanent psychological damage
in childhood and adversely affects their development. It is suggested that the best way is
to explain the family life about the family’s obsession with the elder sibling and to create
a healthy environment by instilling the awareness of brotherhood (Dağcıoğlu, 2018).
 Workplace Jealousy(Organizational Jealousy)
Emotions that directly affect feelings in life, make a person human, and exist with a
person in all aspects of life are also encountered naturally at work. In recent years, the
sense of jealousy involved in research has opened new areas, bringing the curiosity about
how jealousy at work affects the organizational structure and what it leads (Özkalp,
2013). While positive emotions increase performance and efficiency, negative emotions
come with their failure to bear the burden of responsibility, which negatively affect the
organization, and it causes them to disappear into negative emotions. It is thought that
there are negative emotions that the individual is in or that take over the individual, as the
building block of thoughts, organizational conflicts, occupational burnout, psychological
depression, etc. It is crucial for the efficiency of the institution that individuals focus on
their work. (Töremen & Çankaya, 2008).
Competition, which causes the concept of jealousy, also leadsto a state of comparison. A person
tries to identify themself by comparing himself with another person. A jealous person either
tends to eliminate the comparison by starting to work more or resort to ways such as blocking an
individual’s work, digging a well, or slander (Özdemir, 2018).

Why we feel the Green-Eyed Monster?

Feeling the "green-eyed monster" refers to experiencing envy or jealousy. These feelings arise
when we want something that someone else has or when we feel threatened by someone's
success, possessions, or advantages. The term "green-eyed monster" comes from the idea that
envy or jealousy can make our eyes appear green, symbolizing the negative emotions we harbor.

There are a few reasons why we might feel the green-eyed monster:
 Comparison: When we compare ourselves to others, especially in terms of achievements,
possessions, or relationships, we may feel envious if we perceive someone else as having
more or being more successful.
 Insecurity: Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity within ourselves can contribute to envy.
If we doubt our own abilities or worth, witnessing others' success can trigger jealousy.
 Competition: In competitive situations, whether at work, in relationships, or within social
circles, the desire to outperform others can lead to envy. The fear of being overshadowed
or left behind can fuel these feelings.
 Unmet Desires: Envy often arises when we desire something that someone else has
achieved or possesses. If we feel unable to attain those same things, it can result in
jealousy.
 Social Comparison: Constant exposure to social media, where people often share their
achievements and positive aspects of their lives, can contribute to feelings of envy as we
compare our own lives to the curated representations of others.

Self-Envy and Jealousy may arise when individuals fear they are not living up to their own
expectations or societal standards. Personality traits, life experiences, and socio-economic factors
can influence an individual's susceptibility to envy and jealousy. So, It's really important to find
a good balance between working towards your personal goals and being kind to yourself. When
you compare yourself or feel jealous of yourself, it can be tough. But if you notice the good
things you're doing, celebrate when you achieve something, and accept yourself, it helps you feel
better inside. This way, you build a positive connection with yourself.

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