DARK PSYCHOLOGY AND

MANIPULATION

The Ultimate Guide to Learn the Techniques of

Emotional Persuasion. Detect Deceptions and Defend
Yourself from Manipulative Behaviors with the Art of
Reading People

Stephanie J. Simon
 Copyright ©2021 by Stephanie J. Simon. All rights reserved.

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 Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 1: DARK PSYCHOLOGY FUNDAMENTALS
DARK PSYCHOLOGY COMMON TRAITS
CHAPTER 2: MANIPULATION AND PERSUASION
DEFINING PERSUASION
DEFINING MANIPULATION
KEY DIFFERENCES
CHAPTER 3: EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
RECOGNIZING A MANIPULATIVE RELATIONSHIP
SIGNS OF A MANIPULATIVE RELATIONSHIP
CHAPTER 4: DECEPTION
UNDERSTANDING DECEPTION
DECEPTION IN PSYCHOLOGY
WHY DO PEOPLE LIE?
DETECTING DECEPTION
DECEPTIVE TACTICS
DECEPTION TACTICS IN BUSINESS
DECEPTION IN RELATIONSHIPS
CHAPTER 5: RECOGNIZE A MANIPULATOR
CHARACTERISTICS OF A MANIPULATOR
CHAPTER 6: ARE YOU A MANIPULATOR'S VICTIM?
BEHAVIORAL TRAITS OF FAVORITE VICTIMS OF MANIPULATORS
DETECTING MANIPULATION
CHAPTER 7: TECHNIQUES TO REACT TO YOUR MANIPULATOR
HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF FROM MANIPULATION
CHAPTER 8: HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST MANIPULATORS
HOW TO SPEED-READ PEOPLE AND PREVENT MANIPULATION
CHAPTER 9: TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND WHAT TO DO WITH THEM
WARNING SIGNS
HANDLING A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
CONCLUSION
BIBLIOGRAPHY
 Introduction

D ark psychology consists of various mental control, manipulation,

and coercion techniques. Some consider it a concept of human
consciousness that can be used to control and manipulate others for
malicious, devious, and narcissistic reasons. Some recognize it as an acquired
skill utilized by humans since ancient times, just before known history.
People find this ability set to come beyond the usual spectrum of human
actions and anyone can profit from knowing more about it.

Dark psychology is not so normal to the abused person. Many individuals

who are exploited by a narcissist or by someone performing manipulation
practices are wary of being intrusive. This is also the secret to recognizing the
dark psychology: to realize that the vulnerable individuals are simply victims
whose desires and well-being are deemed subordinate to those of the abuser.
Dark psychology reflects a common form of human activity, which is a
question that needs to be more discussed because that is the premise on which
many professionals of this dark work rely to argue for their activities.

The fact is, only pure manipulation and intimidation come under the dark
psychology umbrella. It is the simple gadgets practitioners use for comical
purposes in their work. One of the very first aspects readers should find is
that in an analysis of this topic, semantics is becoming a quick problem.
Practitioners of dark psychology take part in the persuasion that some might
consider not so harmful or sick-intentioned just like manipulation. So, why is
there a difference? Indeed, most interpretations of coercion left the difference
in muddy waters between persuasion and coercion.

Have you ever gone into a meeting thinking you were very sure of yourself,
and then left frustrated that you didn't have a good explanation as to why the
other party should believe you? Have you ever come out of an argument and
decided to make out with someone, but couldn't understand why you agreed
to it first? Chances are you've been manipulated. If you were acting with your
impulses just using convincing terms, you were conditioned to act on or
behave on what you originally were not completely comfortable with. Until
you started the discussion, you should be completely persuaded and so
certain of yourself, but halfway, you noticed yourself forgetting thoughts,
frustrated, disoriented, and frazzled.

Manipulation may sound as if you're being convinced, and left your skills in
question. Being constantly manipulated can end up leaving you upset,
demotivated as well as despondent, and wonder how you have not seen this
coming. Nevertheless, have you avoided it if you realized how to evaluate the
signals that show that somebody might not be good?

Manipulators exert their power by taking advantage of your feelings and

altering your mental experiences to operate and achieve advantages. They are
preying on your flaws and going to take the benefit of the reader through
effective communication meant to mislead you enough so that, until it's too
late, you don't see what they are. Identifying whether you've been tricked to
defend yourself from manipulation is important, as well as facilitating a
healthy power balance in interactions. It all starts with teaching how to
evaluate the people.

Another method of telling if you're being tricked would be through facial

expressions. The strong, non-speakable, and subtle signs raise doubts when
you understand where to look for. By observing the transmitted movements,
facial expressions, and postures, one may recognize and appreciate the full
meaning of what somebody is trying to convey—or not trying to say.
Learning how to evaluate someone will provide some interesting discoveries,
and most significantly, open your mind to the indications that you might be a
prey so that you can take actions to avoid or fully stop the advancements.
 CHAPTER 1:

Dark Psychology Fundamentals

ark psychology can be defined as the study of the human condition in its
relation to the individual psychological nature to target other people as its

D prey. Manipulators are usually motivated by deviant or criminal

activities and instinctual drives, without bothering about the theories
of social sciences. The entire humanity has this type of potentiality
of victimizing, not only their fellow human beings but also other living
creatures. Whereas many try to either sublimate or restrain this kind of
tendency, there are still those who act upon these impulses without a second
thought.

The main objective of dark psychology is to understand those perceptions,

feelings, thoughts, as well as the subjective processing systems that lead to
the predatory behavior, contrary to the contemporary comprehension of the
behavior of human beings. On top of all that, the study of dark psychology
also tends to assume that the deviant, criminal, as well as abusive nature of
some human beings, are all intentional and purposive. It also assumes that the
bestiality nature of human beings carries certain goal-oriented motivation
about 99% of the entire time. The remaining 1% is obtained from a topic that
is known as Teleology.

Dark psychology also entails all the bits that make us the people we are in
connection to our dark side. All humanity, faiths, and cultures have this well-
known proverbial disease. Beginning just from the time we are born up to the
time we die, there is usually a hidden side within us. This has been defined
using various names. Some have referred to this side as evil, while others
have referred to it as psychopathic, deviant, and criminal. According to dark
psychology, certain individuals commit these very acts and do that not for
gains related to sex, money, retribution, power, or any other well-defined
purpose. Some people just carry these horrid acts without a major goal. This
just shows that their ends do not, in any way, justify their means. It is also a
fact that certain individuals injure and violate others without any defined
means. They just do that for the sake of doing so.

There are so many ways in which psychology can be of benefit to us. One of
these many ways is being in a position of understanding the full psycho-
evolutionary nature of our behaviors so that we can pick our actions with
more care. Human beings are usually not in control of all their actions,
although they usually think they are. For instance, a good number of us
strongly believe that we have a stable and consistent self, and are even
convinced that we can easily foretell our future actions. But the question that
we need to ask ourselves is if we can be sure of how we will behave in the
future, for instance, under very harsh pressure. Many people might be
tempted to believe that we can stay calm even in crises.

The truth is that only a small number of us can predict how we will act under
very strict conditions. This happens because of certain precepts that happen
to all human beings. When we are under pressure, we experience either a
fight or flight reaction. This kind of reaction evolved to aid our survival in
very dangerous encounters. The flight or fight reaction also tends to shut
down higher functioning when they are activated. For instance, higher brain
activity is psychologically hard to run when it comes to blood sugar, and
therefore, the body will conserve it.

Despite all that, this is one of the best systems to survive any kind of massive
attack. It can be useless in this modern-day world setup where we need our
higher functioning when we are under a certain form of stress. To make it
more understandable, each time we experience topnotch stress or are in
imagined or real danger, we fail to act in certain ways or think in a straight
manner.

Dark Psychology Common Traits

We will spend some time looking at the various concepts of the Dark Triad,
along with the three traits that are going to form the basis of this fundamental
part of dark psychology. We must understand not only the three parts of the
Triad but also the different ways that it can manifest itself in actual behavior.
Let’s take a look at the behaviors that can be present in each of the three
Triad areas:

Machiavellian Actions

A Machiavellian person is like a political schemer who is very concerned

about how the public sees them. That worries them almost as much as their
pursuit of self-interest above all else. How is a Machiavellian person going to
behave? This can be hard to recognize because these people are, in their
nature, adept at being able to hide all their true intentions from public
scrutiny. However, there are a few different signals that you can see when
you are dealing with a Machiavellian person.

First of all, these people are going to have a very clear distinction between
who they are and how they come across when they are out in public. For
example, there are many cases where a serial killer has been able to get away
with the crimes for a very long time. And the main reason for this is because
their outward image is so far removed from what people imagine a killer to
be.

A good example of this could be a religious leader. This person would spend
time running their congregation, spend time doing some charity work, and
seem like they always help regular people. But then on the side, they will
commit horrific acts of violence. The public actions of this person are the
masks that hide the private side away from scrutiny for a very long time.

Of course, there are examples of this distinction in areas that aren’t as

extreme as serial murder. There are many talks where the leaders in the field
of business were able to ruthlessly cut jobs to get profits, without worrying
about the people it would hurt. And these bosses, if they are talented with the
work, can act like they are behaving in this manner because it is a necessity,
rather than just because they want more money.

Another hallmark you will run into with Machiavellianism is a willingness to

exploit other people. Let’s keep with the idea of someone who just started to
work in an office. Someone who isn’t a Machiavellian would look around
that office and see that there is a room of different co-workers that they could
get to know. But a newcomer who is a Machiavellian would see each person
in front of them as another resource to exploit or use. Rather than seeing
these people as fellow human beings, the Machiavellian individual would see
weaknesses and other things to exploit when it works for them.

Another principle of Machiavellianism that comes from The Prince is the

idea that the person will only keep their promise or their word when doing so
will serve their self-interest. Many people believe that a Machiavellian person
is someone who isn’t trustworthy, but this isn’t quite right. If it is going to
serve their interests to keep their word, such as when they want to build up
trust with their victim, then they will keep their word. And in many cases,
when this type of person isn’t able to keep their word, they will be able to do
it in a way that can make them appear noble and even praiseworthy in the
process, leaving them in a good light, even when they decide not to keep with
the promise.

And the final hallmark that shows up for this kind of person is the ability to
instill fear in others around them. This idea comes directly from The Prince
which is going to urge a person to be both loved and feared at the same time.
If the person can't be both, then the book states that it is better to be feared
than loved. This concept of the desirability of being feared and loved at the
same time is directly related to the trait of splitting up the private and the
public perception. The perfect Machiavellian is then able to inspire obedience
and fear in the people who are most likely to claim to feel love stronger than
fear as a result.

The Psychopathic Actions

In addition to some of the Machiavellian actions that we talked about above,

there also need to be some actions that are considered psychopathic. It can be
hard to recognize a person as a psychopath based on theoretical knowledge.
Since this is not likely, you must be able to recognize some of the outward
signs of psychopathy.

Charm is a very common outward behavior of a psychopathic person. It is

going to be more of a superficial charm and never a deep or genuine charm.
If you think about someone who is genuinely charming, you would be able to
pinpoint that they have a very positive personality that was under this display
of behavior. This is not something that you are going to see when a
psychopath is trying to be charming.

Psychopaths can show all the signs of charm, including an interest in those
around them, an apparent warmth, and physical attractiveness. But the inward
motivation to these displays is going to be a red flag. Psychopaths are only
using charm to get a certain result. They see that if they present charm to
someone, that person will feel good and the manipulator can use that to their
advantage. Remember that charm, just like everything else the psychopath
does, is going to be calculated and shallow. There isn’t going to be any depth
of feeling behind the behavior.

Another sign of a psychopath is lying. Of course, lying is not enough to place

someone in the category of a psychopath, but when it is combined with other
signs, it can be a problem. A psychopath will find that lying is very natural,
and they can do it in a very convincing manner. They also aren’t going to
show any signs of lying simply because they don’t have an emotional
attachment or any feelings of excitement, guilt, or shame about the lies that
they tell. In the mind of a psychopath, lying is just “doing what is needed at
the time,” nothing more and nothing less.

A lack of remorse is another feature that is going to show up with a

psychopath. Many people who have committed crimes, such as murder,
would show a sense of shame or guilt over what they do. But a psychopath is
not able to feel remorse at all. They can do these actions and these crimes
without any feelings about it at all. Linked to this is a lack of guilt. Most
humans are going to feel at least a little guilty when they go against a moral
norm. But psychopaths are not going to think in terms of what is right and
what is wrong. They look at things in terms of what is useful and what is not
useful to them. Remorse and guilt don’t fit into this at all.

A psychopath may also have a lack of impulse control. Most people are born
with internal controls that will help them not act rashly in most cases. But a
psychopath will not have these mechanisms. If a psychopath sees an
opportunity they want to exploit, they are going to do it without a second
thought. This can make them very effective when it comes to running a
business or even in the military, but it can cause issues when it comes to rash
decisions that could be criminal.

Psychopaths are often incapable of empathy. They may be able to fake it if it

suits their goals, but they do not have real empathy at all. Other humans are
just there to provide something of value to the psychopath and nothing more.
If the psychopath sees that there is something bad happening to another
person, they would just wonder how this affects them or if they could use that
to their advantage. It would never be a feeling of empathy.

Narcissistic Actions

An early sign that can show up with a narcissist is fantasies and even
daydreams about immense levels of status and power. Many narcissists will
report that they had fantasies of being adored and worshipped even when
they were children. While many non-narcissistic people may have this kind
of daydream on occasion, the narcissist will feel that they deserve this
elevation and praise because it is their basic right. The fact that there are
times when they are not being revered or worshipped is seen as a personal
affront to these people.

The belief that “I am better than most people. They are not worthy of me. I
am above them” is something that most narcissists will feel. Yes, there are
times when humans are going to have an inflated sense of self-image, such as
after a big achievement. But a narcissist will view praise and flattery as
something that they should get all of the time, no matter what circumstances
are going on around them.

The inflated sense of self-worth that the narcissist experiences internally can
show up outwardly as well. This can show up in two ways: They will always
need praise and agreement and they will despise any form of rejection or
criticism. The agreement from others and all the praise are like oxygen for the
ego of the narcissist, and they just can’t make it through the day without this.
If the people around them are not praising the narcissist, things can turn ugly.

An example of this is a dictator who is in a hermit state. These types of

people are going to demand worship from the ones they have power over,
asking for the people to build statues in their likeness and to get complete
acceptance and obedience. When one of the people disagrees or does an act
of dissent, it is going to be met with brutal and quick punishment.

Sadism

Sadism may not be one of the aspects of the Dark Triad, but it is still
something necessary to add to this. Modern researchers into psychology have
proposed that the dark triad is composed of four parts and that a sadistic
personality disorder should be added to this. Sadism is sometimes the hardest
personality trait to understand here because it is often the least relatable out
of all of them.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting refers to a type of psychological abuse used by narcissists to

infuse in their victim’s an extreme sense of confusion and anxiety to the
extent that they no longer trust their perception, memory, and judgment.

Gaslighting techniques used by narcissists are similar to those used in

interrogation, torture, and brainwashing. These techniques have been
predominately used in psychological warfare by law enforcement agents,
intelligence operatives, and other clandestine agencies for decades.

It is intended to systematically target the victim’s mental stability, self-

esteem, and self-confidence so that they are no longer capable of functioning
independently.

When a victim is being gaslighted, the abuser systematically withholds

factual information and replaces it with false and misleading information.

Gaslighting is a subtle manipulative tactic, thus, it is difficult to detect, and

with time it completely undermines the psychological stability of the victim.
It is a very dangerous form of abuse because it results in some major
damages (victims lose the sense of themselves). When they’ve been
gaslighted over some time, they lose trust in their judgments, and even
degenerate to the point of questioning the very essence of life. They don’t
only second guess themselves, they also become highly insecure when it
comes to decision making.

Furthermore, the victims fall into depression and are withdrawn, making
them dependent on their abuser for their sense of purpose and reality.
Gaslighting takes away the victim’s identity and purpose and replaces it with
self-doubt and emptiness.

Seduction
This talks about a psychological process that deals with how people get into
an intimate relationship or lead people astray to persuade by corrupting or
inducing a person to engage in a sexual relationship. Like it is in any other
aspect of dark psychology, people seduce others in other to get them to do
what they want so that they can obtain their selfish goals.

The strategies used in seduction include sexual scripts, conversation,

paralinguistic gestures, and non-verbal means of communication, and other
short-term behavioral strategies.
 CHAPTER 2:

Manipulation and Persuasion

M any people fail to recognize the nuances between manipulation

and persuasion. Even though both seek to convince someone else
to do something, they are quite different in enough key ways to
be classified completely differently. One is only beneficial to the manipulator
(manipulation) while the other, ideally, should benefit both people. Because
of these key differences, manipulation becomes far more insidious than
persuasion. The manipulator sees the other person as a tool, a means to an
end, whereas the persuader sees the other person as a partner.

Defining Persuasion
Though persuasion involves changing the mind of someone else, it is not
necessarily a bad thing—there are plenty of ways that persuasion can be used
innocently or benevolently. Persuasion is any method that will actively
change the thoughts, emotions, actions, or attitudes of another person toward
another person or thing. This change is seen as a persuasion. It can be done
inwardly toward oneself through changing one’s attitudes or it can be done to
other people as well.

Usually, persuasion is used as a form of influence—it is everywhere. It is

present in ads, politics, schools, professions, and just about everywhere you
could think of. If you can think of something, chances are there is some sort
of persuasive layer to it somewhere and somehow.

When persuading someone, four key elements must be present. These four
elements are:

Someone who is doing the persuading.

The message or the persuasion.
A target recipient for the persuasion.
A context that the persuasion is received.

Each of these four key elements must be present for something to be

considered persuasive. Of course, this means that manipulation would fall
within the category of persuasion as well.

Defining Manipulation
In psychology, manipulation is a type of influence or persuasion, but unlike
regular persuasion, manipulation is covert, deceptive, or underhanded. This
means that, unlike regular persuasion, which seeks to be most honest,
manipulation is often untrustworthy. The manipulator will have no qualms
about lying about the situation or attempting to coerce the target into
believing something, so long as they get what they want.

The manipulator seeks only to serve themself further—they do not care about
the target and do not care about hurting the target. The target is seen as little
more than collateral damage—a necessary sacrifice to get the desired results.
As such, manipulation tactics are oftentimes quite exploitative and are almost
always meant to be insidious and harmful.

Successful manipulation requires three key concepts to happen. These three

are:

Concealing the intentions and behaviors while remaining friendly

upfront.
Understanding the ways, the victim or target is vulnerable and using
those vulnerabilities to the advantage of the manipulator.
Being ruthless enough to not care about the harm caused to the
victim.

Manipulation can take several different forms, but most of them follow the
pattern of being covert, harmful, and causing no guilt to the manipulator.

Key Differences
Ultimately, persuasion and manipulation are quite similar: They are both
forms of social influence, but that is where the similarities end. While
persuasion is generally positive, even within dark psychology, manipulation
is not. Manipulation is harmful, ruthless, and insidious in every way, shape,
and form.

When you are trying to decide whether something is manipulative or

persuasive, you can ask yourself a few questions to decide. This simple test
can allow you to analyze what you are doing and saying to ensure you are
making the choices that work best for you. If you are not looking to
manipulate, but the questions tell you that you are erring on the side of
manipulation, you know to tone it down a bit, lightening up on the
manipulative factors. These questions are:

What is the intention that has led you to feel the need to convince the
other person of something?
Are you truthful about your intention and the process?
How does this benefit the other person?
The persuader is going to be attempting to convince the other person from a
good place—they intend to help the other person somehow. While they may
benefit too, they are primarily looking out for the other person’s best interest.
For example, you may try to convince someone to buy a specific car because
it will work better for their family than the car that the person is currently
looking at. This would be seen as persuasion—you are offering facts about
the other car and showing how it would likely serve the person longer and
better.

On the other hand, the manipulator is not concerned with the needs of the
other person—the manipulator is going to attempt to push for whatever
benefits them the most. There is no good intention and probably not much
truth either. It is also not likely to benefit the other person much or at all, and
may even be detrimental to the other. For example, the manipulator may try
to sell a car that is no good for the buyer simply because it may cost more
money, and therefore, he gets a much higher commission. The car is not
likely to be very good for what the buyer needs, but that is not the
manipulator’s concern. The manipulator would see that as something the
buyer should know on their own and not bother pointing out the ways the
other may be making a bad decision, even if the manipulator knows the
decision was wrong.
 CHAPTER 3:

Emotional Manipulation

Recognizing a Manipulative Relationship

W hen thinking of love, our society romanticizes manipulative

connections so much that it may be difficult to recognize them
for what they are. We have a lot of literature suggesting that
genuine relationships are about attachment, that pure love is all that can
happen, and that individuals who are infatuated have no personal boundaries
and no separate lives.

While many people romanticize the idea of a manipulative relationship, we

have to understand that, in reality, it is not real love. Sometimes it might
make for a dramatic plot and conflict that keeps the reader invested, but there
is no fun in actually living through a romantically manipulative relationship.

You may have been warned about manipulative people and the fact that
control and maltreatment is something to be worried about; the facts are that
being in a controlling and manipulative relationship that never grows into ill-
treatment can be frightful and harmful as well. Just because someone isn't
physically harming you doesn't mean that you can't still feel pain from their
actions.

Being controlled or put down by a companion can harm our confidence,

make us feel dread about relationships in the future, and leave us feeling
abandoned instead of comforted, with an assortment of mental and emotional
injuries that we should not be burdened with.

You might be acquainted with indications of a damaging relationship. For

instance, you may have experienced a mate who compelled you to wear only
specific items of clothing or did not want you to visit your friends and family.

This person might always want to know where you are going, what you are
doing, and why you are only a few minutes late. Manipulators are often very
anxious people, so they will allow anxious thoughts to pass through their
brains and control their actions. They will spiral their excessive emotion and
anxiety into fantasies about what you could be doing when you are not
around them. They will think about their worst fears and what you could be
doing to hurt them, so when you are not around, they will assume you are
doing these things.

It can lead to them disliking that you are not around. Sometimes, it can seem
flattering that someone cares so much about you. You might think, "It is so
sweet that they always want to know where I am and that I'm safe," but when
someone is going to great lengths to control you, this isn't their intention.
Unfortunately, their concern isn't for your well-being. Instead, they are
thinking, "I need to make sure I know where this person is at all times so that
they aren't doing anything I don't approve of." Your presence is their
assurance that you aren't fulfilling their worst fears about the bad things you
are doing to them when the two of you aren't together. They won't be
considerate of your needs in this situation. The manipulator is only acting to
serve their interests.

A manipulator will never tell you this and will instead only feign concern to
improve the way they appear to you. They will also use this tactic to make
sure that you feel guilty. When you don't answer for twenty minutes, rather
than them admitting that it is entirely acceptable for a person not always to
text back immediately, they will make you feel guilty. They will use you as if
you have done something wrong or selfish to them because you weren't
around your phone at the time or were too busy to answer in the first place.

Love should feel better and not confining, terrifying, or distressing. Having
an accomplice should make you more joyful, not sadder. There are surely
going to be challenging times in love. You might not understand your mate,
and they might not understand you. These challenges should be mere
obstacles on the way to making you stronger. A healthy relationship shouldn't
be continually draining you and breaking you apart, making you feel always
exhausted.

Signs of a Manipulative Relationship

A great deal of us has had awful experiences in our lives—enough awful stuff
that the possibility of a hero sweeping us off our feet and shielding us from
any issues for whatever remains of our life can sound incredibly enticing. For
this reason, we sometimes seek protection, compassion, and care in the
wrong places.

Reconsider if your partner's thoughts of help include preventing you from

making your choices and carrying on with your life. A partner who secures
you by assuming responsibility for your maxed-out accounts, they are
attempting to make you have no other choice but to put all your trust in them
and no one else.

A right partner realizes that they can't protect you from everyday life and
what it holds— they can assist when you need them to. Should you, at some
point, run into a money-related issue, a trustworthy partner may assist you in
praying an overabundance of unopened bills—giving help, but not taking
control over the situation. They won't take your passwords or demand that
you only be allowed a limited amount of money per month until you have
paid off all your current debt. The right partner will offer help yet will realize
that you need to manage your issues.

One common manipulative relationship tactic is to make us feel guilty for

seeing friends and family members. When we envision somebody attempting
to cut their companion off from their emotionally supportive network, we
picture something similar to the despicable spouse telling their better half that
they'll never talk to their closest companion again. Be that as it may,
manipulative partners can separate you from your support network in an
inconspicuous way.

A shrewdly manipulative person isn't going to outwardly forbid you from

seeing your family because that can be an obvious sign that you should run in
the other direction. They will make the manipulation subtler instead of slowly
pulling you from your family rather than an outright forbiddance. If your
partner can convince you to apologize for an action you know you did not do
wrongfully, and you do, your manipulative partner will realize they can
compel you to do anything they want you to do.

Perhaps your partner sulks each time you go out with your companions until
you blow off other friends to save yourself the pressure. Maybe your partner
makes negative remarks about your loved ones until you start to trust that the
thoughts they have about these people are valid.

You might even have a hobby or an activity that you enjoy that your
manipulator will try to get you to stop doing. They will make sure you know
they think your interest is idiotic and ridicule you for it until you surrender it.

A controlling partner's scrutiny might not always appear as such. It may be

framed in reasonable and rational language that suggests your partner is
merely attempting to help you. They may even tell you that they are only
trying to help you.

They may study your choices at work. Some of their phrases may include:
"Why is it that you chose to use that for your presentation? Aren't you
worried about what the boss is going to think?"

They will question your spending habits and how you choose to purchase
things with questions like, "Did you need to buy another shirt?" Manipulators
will spin their words, so it isn't clear that they believe the choices you make
are incorrect, but a seed of doubt and insecurity is planted.

However, all partners periodically scrutinize one another. Our loved ones
should still look out for us, and sometimes we need others to help us make
decisions or point out bad habits. Remember always to check this person's
real intention and figure out why they want you to change your behavior.

Sometimes, a manipulator in a relationship might ask to have access to your

personal belongings, but they won't give you the same privileges. They might
know all of your secrets, yet they rarely confide in you. They aren't merely
less likely to share, and they certainly aren't protecting you.

This type of behavior shows that the other person is being unjust. Your
partner doesn't deserve the privilege of browsing your email or messages or
asking for your passwords since they state they are apprehensive of whether
you may cheat. There's a distinction between having insider facts and having
healthy independence from your partner; you don't need to surrender your
freedom when you are in a relationship.

Every so often, genuine couples who are recuperating from betrayal will
permit the undermined partner access to each other's messages as a type of
accountability. Yet, if this isn't an arrangement that you have explicitly
worked out with your partner, it isn't right.

Manipulation is all about impacting the way someone else thinks and
behaves, all through psychological control. It is masked with passion, or what
seems to be a form of empathy, at least. Most of the time, this is a calculated
attempt at relating to the victim by the manipulator in question.

To fully overcome this manipulation, we must recognize the impact that it

has had on us. If you want to have a good, no toxic relationship with
someone, we must be looking at all the ways this relationship has affected us.
If that impact is negative, it might be the first sign that a manipulative
relationship exists.

Most manipulative people have four common attributes:

They know how to recognize your shortcomings.

They use your shortcomings against you.
Through their quick plots, they persuade you to surrender something
 of yourself to serve them.
When a controller triumphs in exploiting you, they will probably
repeat the offense until you put a stop to the mistreatment.

They will have many different reasons for why they want to keep you around
and control you. One might be simply because a past relationship damages
them. They might have trust issues that have led to them having difficulty in
being open and accepting of other partners. It can root them to feel like they
need to control you to keep you faithful to them.

Some partners might be lonely individuals who are desperate for love and
attention. When they feel like you might take that way, or are fearful that you
will leave them, they will stop at nothing to ensure you stick around, even if
that includes manipulation.

They might also want practical things from you, like financial support, maybe
your shared home, a car, and other privileges that aren't connected to you as a
person they love, but rather the life you choose to live. These are some of the
most dangerous manipulators, and they are just as common as the rest.
 CHAPTER 4:

Deception

D eception is an act of hiding the truth. It is when an individual uses

dishonest and illegal means to get something or to cause people to
believe something to be true when it is not.

Understanding Deception
Deception is acting in a way that causes another person to believe something
that you do not believe to be true. Most people claim they are not misleading
others even when they intentionally withhold information from them. They
do this because it makes it easier to deceive them. To know if you are
deceiving a person, you can ask yourself a simple question as a test. “If you
are not hiding anything, why not tell the whole truth?”

By asking yourself that question, you can examine yourself and realize if you
are withholding information to harm another person and mislead them.
Deception is very broad and includes various kinds of behaviors.

When you think about your deceptive behavior, you become very narrow-
minded and justify it. This makes it easier for you to get away with it and feel
less guilty and accountable for your behavior. When a person takes a narrow
view of deception, it helps them maintain a positive self-image that makes it
easier for one to get away with deception. To best accomplish deceiving
another person, you need to withhold some information.

Unfortunately, when you discover someone you love and trust has been
misleading you deliberately, deception becomes broad in definition.

Most people are hypocrites when it comes to deception. When it is you

leaving out information or giving misleading information, it is not wrong.
However, when it is you at the receiving end of the deception, you feel
deceived.

Regardless of how a person perceives it, deception is manipulative and the

person deceiving the other withholds the truth for their selfish gains. When a
person intentionally hides the truth, misleads another, and promotes a belief
intentionally for gain, that is deception. It is a transgression as relates to
relationships that lead to a person feeling betrayed and breaks trust. It violates
the rules of a relationship and negatively abuses expectations.

Naturally, every person expects their friends, partners, and in some cases
strangers to be truthful at all times. However, people find themselves using
deceptive tactics without realizing the damage they cause. It is important to
be on the lookout to avoid deception as much as possible if one hopes to
build a lasting relationship with a loved one or a friend.

Deception in Psychology
According to psychology, deception is the act of making a person believe
something untrue. The act may be cruel or kind or even small or big, but the
goal is the same. Studies indicate that an average person lies several times a
day mostly through little white lies. The excuse given for most of these lies is
that the person wanted to avoid an uncomfortable situation but in no way did
they intend to cause harm.

Deception is not always about telling others lies. There are also lies that
people tell themselves. People give various reasons why they deceive
themselves; to boost their ego and self-esteem. They start as small lies that
grow to become serious delusions that they are unable to control, and they
end up manipulating themselves. These kinds of delusions in most cases end
up endangering the person’s life.

However, some experts argue that some form of self-deception can be

beneficial to a person. For instance, when a person convinces themselves that
they can achieve a certain goal even when presented with evidence, on the
contrary, this can be of help. This may motivate the person to achieve the
goals.

Over the years, a lot of research has been done to help determine when a
person is lying. The commonly known method of knowing if a person is
lying is the polygraph test. Although it is controversial, it has been used
widely especially in dealing with criminal suspects to understand the truth. It
is argued that the polygraph is not 100% accurate in detecting deception.

Researchers say that individuals with certain personality disorders such as

antisocial personality disorders cannot be measured by a polygraph machine
accurately.

Why Do People Lie?

We indicated that everyone lies, in fact, most of us lie each day through small
lies that we perceive are not harmful. The question remains, why do people
find it necessary to lie? No person likes to find that they have been deceived.
When a public figure is caught in a lie, it becomes a scandal that attracts
attention to their personal lives and in some cases destroys careers.
Detecting Deception
It is difficult to detect deception. Many researchers have tried to identify any
cue that may represent deception but have failed. However, one can detect
deception from the use of a variety of cues that have varying degrees. The
probability of catching a liar can be increased by identifying a cluster of
nonverbal and verbal dues. These cues are usually identified against a given
baseline established when a person did not need to lie.

Deviations from the baseline usually indicate the possibility of deception,

although it is not always correct. The most effective way to detect deception
is by comparing what people say against some facts, though this may not
always be the available approach. A lot of people, however, rely on both
verbal and nonverbal cues to detect deception.

Some of the verbal and nonverbal cues that may indicate deception include:

Most liars tend to answer questions with other questions. Most liars
avoid directly answering a question instead they use another question
as an answer.
Liars avoid correcting themselves to avoid being perceived as being
unsure about what they are communicating.
Most liars feign memory loss by saying they don’t remember or
recall certain things.
Liars avoid reporting what they did and instead prefer reporting what
they did not do.
Liars always find it necessary to justify their actions and answers
even when there is no need for justification.
Liars avoid being emotional when they are accounting for events.
When reporting, liars like using exact dates and times to prove they
did not commit the said offense.
Most liars ask for a question to be repeated because they claim they
are not clear.
Most liars express emotions but they are not genuine.
Most liars use few words to narrate activities or events.
Liars focus and describe the weaknesses and flaws of others to
 deviate attention.
When describing anything, liars use passive language.

The reverse of a liar is a truthful person. They tend to:

Refer to past lessons and experiences in the past.

When narrating something, they refer to mistakes in their past.
When a person is truthful, they welcome dialogue when describing
events.
When reporting about different activities or events, they don’t use
dates or timelines.
When reporting about activities and events, a truthful person will not
sound rehearsed.
When a person is truthful, they will report about unexpected or
unusual events that happened.
When describing or reporting about an event, a truthful person may
use sensory information like how the place smelled and so forth.

It is important to be cautious when using the above or other verbal and

nonverbal cues to detect deception. This is because; there is no verbal or
nonverbal cue that can be said to detect a lie. It is also important to note that
liars when intentionally doing so may say things that make something look
truthful. At the same time, a truthful person may also come out as a liar. This
goes to say that although it is possible to detect deception, it is not an easy
task.

Deceptive Tactics
A play that deliberately aims at deceiving an opponent of the other person’s
capabilities or intentions is what is called deceptive tactics. A person using
deceptive tactics wants the opponent to make decisions that are beneficial to
the person’s goals. As a person does this, they can also fail to make a
decision which in itself is also a decision. When deception is successful, it
decreases the options of your opponent while increasing yours. Some people
are very calculating in life. They deceive intentionally and usually think
through their deception tactics to ensure they succeed. Deception is a form of
manipulation. A person intentionally deceives their opponent to get what they
want.

So, how does a person succeed in deceiving the other? A person must follow
several steps to succeed in deception. These steps as used by master deceivers
like:

Define your goal: Before you do anything or use any tactic, know
your purpose. What do you want to achieve and what is the best
tactic to guarantee your results? You want to destabilize your
opponent and gain leverage over them. Maybe you want to tempt
your opponent by pretending to give them a one chance opportunity
or want them to think they are the best at what they do.
Define your deception: Master deceiver plans, and can alter their
tactics on the spot, to avoid being detected. They ensure that their
deception is simple and convincing. They come ready with what they
want their opponent to believe. However, being simple in some cases
may not engage the mind of your opponent. Ensure you get a balance
between what you seek for your opponent to know and believe.
Assess your opponent: If a person wants to succeed in deception,
they make sure the deception is believable. They sit back and
delicately plan how they will receive their opponent. They look at
various questions their opponent may have and come up with
possible answers to make the lie seem authentic. When analyzing
their opponent, a deceiver is careful to see the opponent as they are
and not as they wish them to be. This is important if they intend to be
successful.
Synchronize your information: You feel that your opponent will
accept the deception. Now a deceiver will proceed and sell the
deception. Deceivers always make sure they have various alternatives
to play their deception, but it is always synchronized to avoid
detection. A person using deception to manipulate is often very
careful that the lies fall in place smoothly.
Keep your mind and eyes open: A deceiver will be alerted to notice
how their opponent reacts to their deception. They are keen so that
they can change the narrative if needed and maintain the deception.
 The aim here is to stay on top of the game and ensure the opponent
detects nothing that would make them not do as the deceiver wants.

Deception Tactics in Business

In business, negotiations are common. Deceptions are used in various ways
that the spectrum of deception is broad. In business, deception is used, not to
harm another person but as a way to gain leverage against your opponents,
investors, or customers. There are various types of ways deception is used in
the business place. Some of these are:

Lies regarding the bottom figures and alternatives: At the

negotiating table, a counterpart may come with a statement indicating
how low or high he or she may go if taken in. This kind of statement
should be carefully considered but not taken at face value. Do not
allow yourself to be deceived. Instead, research the claims presented
and explore other alternatives before committing.
Very good offers may often not be true: Some proposals may
include offers that seem too good to pass out. Avoid such offers
especially if they are coming from a counterpart. Most of the offers
that come like this are usually offering a raw deal. Scrutinize every
offer you get and read through the terms. You may know a bad deal if
you notice hypothetical questions in the narrative. When an offer is
framed in an abstract form, it is often hiding something. Always
insist on seeing the fine print if in doubt.
Escalating commitment: Sometimes a person may be convinced to
make a significant business commitment. The other party may be
aware that you have been looking for something similar and you
can’t pass on the opportunity. They use your need to push you to
make a hurried decision with the threats that other people are looking
for the same. Without thinking, and with the fear of possibly losing,
you make a significant investment only to realize it was a bad
investment. Do not be ashamed to walk away. Staying in the deal that
you were deceived to take in the first place will be more financially
draining than walking away.
Lack of reciprocity: The norm of reciprocity indicates that during a
 negotiation, concession should happen on both sides and must be
done in equal measure. If a counterpart fails to match your
concession and just talks instead of showing commitment, avoid
further negotiations with them. Confront them and if they don’t
cooperate, walk away from the deal.
Last-minute nibbling: Sometimes a counterpart may decide to make
a request just as you are about to sign on the deal. This request may
sound modest enough to make you agree to it. A counterpart may be
using the opportunity of knowing you need to finish the deal to get
more advantage over you. Be cautious about this and insist that you
expect the counterpart to give similar concessions too.

Deception in Relationships
One of the cornerstones of a relationship is trust. Trust is very fragile. When
partners in a relationship have secrets or use lies, they jeopardize their
relationship. We all lie. We use small white lies like saying you are fine when
you are not or complimenting a gift you didn’t like. We often lie to people
that we are not in a romantic relationship with as well. If someone was
expecting a check from us, we could comfortably lie about the check being in
the mail when it has not been drawn.

Honesty is important in a relationship. It is more than not lying. Deception in

any situation includes making ambiguous and vague statements, withholding
information by telling half-truths, manipulating information by emphasizing
some points, or exaggerating. Withholding feelings in a relationship is also a
form of deception because it affects the relationship.

Most people consider themselves honest. The truth to a few of us reveals the
thoughts we have and feelings, especially if they are negative. Revealing your
negative feelings and thoughts about people close to you requires courage.

When we keep lying, it may cost us a lot. Most liars are constantly worried
about the risk of being honest or being discovered. As a result, they lie more
and more. When a person uses lies to manipulate their partner to do what they
want is dark psychology. Deception in a relationship may cause harm. Some
of the way’s deception is harmful include:

Deception blocks real intimacy with your partner. For a couple to be

intimate, they must have trust and authenticity between them.
Deception leads to cover-ups and more lies and omissions. These
become hard to keep track of. Should the truth come out, it may hurt
the relationship more than the original secret would have.
When the truth is hidden for too long, it becomes harder to reveal it
and when revealed, it damages the trust completely.
The holder of the secret is always consumed with guilt and feels
uncomfortable during intimate moments with the person they have
deceived. Certain topics tend to be avoided and closeness is avoided
too. Honesty is a moral norm but based on the context or culture, it
may differ. Hiding the truth violates religious and cultural norms and,
as a result, the deceiver feels anxious and guilty despite trying to hide
the truth. This kind of physiological reaction is used in electronic lie
detector tools.
The guilt one feels affects their self-concept. Deception over a long
time can disturb a person’s self-esteem. The guilt a person feels that
could have been handled with honesty becomes shameful and
undermines one’s dignity and sense of self-worth. Deception causes
mental distress to the holder of the lie. This may, in turn, lead to
health complications because of the stress.
 CHAPTER 5:

Recognize a Manipulator

Characteristics of a Manipulator

E very manipulator holds some personality traits they use to control

people, situations, and actions.

Self-Protection

Manipulative people are driven by the idea of self-protection and, to protect

themselves, they can engage. Some manipulators don’t know they have skills.
It is only the sense of self-protection that drives them to manipulate people
without knowing.

You can consider self-protection as a motive and manipulation as a

technique. For every bad thing a manipulator does, self-protection becomes
the legitimate reason, “I did it to protect myself from the world.” As a result,
abusers, controllers, and other manipulators don’t question their actions ever.
It is ultimately about their feelings, their motives, and their desires. Other
people’s emotions are just a way to get what a manipulator wants.

The instinct of self-protection is in every human being, but not every one of
us possesses the skills of manipulation. The strong desire to protect self-
motives meets a manipulative mind to create a dangerous, manipulative
personality. Such people truly believe in their actions, which is why
manipulators are so fluent in rationalizing their bad actions. They can present
an amazing reason for something that is completely out of line.

No Regards for Personal Space

Manipulators, who don’t know they are manipulators, lack the understanding
of personal identity. On the other hand, manipulators who deliberately
manipulate don’t care about people’s personal space. A manipulator attacks
emotionally, physically, spiritually, and psychologically as well. Sometimes
they attack just one aspect of personal identity or, sometimes, they can also
attack all aspects.

If the manipulation is forceful, the victim feels different stages of exhaustion.

Abusers, intimidators, and other direct manipulators demean the personal
space and weaken their victims.

On the other hand, subtle manipulation hurts in the end. The manipulator
attacks the victim like a silent parasite and starts corrupting their psychology;
however, the person doesn’t realize that they are being manipulated. The
realization period occurs after the manipulator leaves the personal space,
which leaves people feeling angry, remorseful, and other hurtful feelings.

The personal space of people is the working ground for manipulators. They
can only hurt their victims by learning personal space and its elements. That
is why every manipulator holds the ability to read people’s identity. They
observe the physical, mental, and emotional capabilities of people before
manipulating them.
If you ask a manipulator about the personal space of people, they would say,
“It is personal only if you live in isolation. People showcase their identities
with their words and actions. So, how is that a personal identity?” A
manipulator believes in accessing every door possible to learn about their
victims because if the door is accessible, one has the right to open it and go
inside. That’s how they feel entering into a victim’s psychology to observe.

Self-Confidence

A manipulative person is always confident about their actions and thoughts;

however, they tend to show or hide their confidence as they please. It allows
them to avoid taking responsibility. They like other people to take
responsibility. This way, a manipulator can easily turn the blame on another
person for their actions. They work behind the scenes but come out as a
confident person if it benefits them. If taking responsibility suits their
purpose, manipulators come forward to satisfy their needs.

Whether they show their confidence or not, manipulators leave no room for
their victim’s survival. When playing a victim, a manipulator hides their
confidence to make the character believable. On the other hand, a
manipulator shows maximum levels of confidence when using intimidation,
sarcasm, or other methods of manipulation.

You can hear the same person say two different things on two different days:

“I have no clue how to handle my money. Can we open a joint

account?”
“I decide how I spend my money, what to shop for, where to go, and
what to wear. Don’t try to control me.”

The confidence level changes according to the scenario and motives of a

manipulator, but that only happens on the outside. On the inside, that person
has always been confident about their abilities, so, in a way, self-confidence
is not a trait. Instead, the ability to show or hide confidence is the true trait a
manipulator holds.

Motivator
Manipulators can motivate people towards something. Their powerful
communication skills allow them to convey what a victim wants to hear.
Manipulators understand a person’s sensibilities and sensitivities. This way,
they learn about how caring, kind, practical, or emotional a person is. Using
this observation, they start motivating the side they want to attack. For
instance, if a person is insecure about their look, a manipulator would praise
their facial features.

“You have a desirable smile and your caring nature makes that smile more
beautiful to me.”

If they know the insecurities of a person, they praise subtly with specific
compliments so, instead of saying, “You are beautiful,” they say, “Your eyes
speak your beauty,” plus they would combine this compliment with the
person’s kindness or caring nature. This way, the victim tends to buy those
lies.

Practical Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand people’s feelings and share those

feelings, but a manipulator doesn’t feel general empathy. Manipulators have
a practical sense of empathy, which means they understand people’s feelings
without sharing them. A manipulator is like a robot looking at a happy or sad
person. The feelings are visible to them, but they practically observe those
feelings to fulfill their purpose.

If you talk to a manipulator about relationships in general, they usually tend

to divide relationships into needs, wants, and other practical aspects. They
will tell you logical reasons why two people are in love with each other. If
two celebrities marry each other, a manipulator would say how one celebrity
is trying to climb the ladder and the other is just trying to get over an old
relationship.

Manipulative people see the dynamics in relationships such as intrigue,

jealousy, rivalry, affection, attraction, hope, and need. They use these
dynamics to play multiple people together and ruin the harmony between
these people. They can encourage or discourage you from loving someone or
hating someone. It all depends on what means you fulfill in their big plan.

Hidden Insecurities

Behind all that confidence and charm, a manipulator, hides an insecure

person. Their ability to observe feelings allows them to understand their
insecurities as well; however, just like their self-confidence, they can also
hide their insecurities. Every time you see a manipulator victimizing
themself, there is a certain level of truth in that. They use their insecurities as
well to mold into a character and fool people.

Sometimes, insecurity drives manipulators towards vulnerable people. They

want to gain attention and feel superior but, that would be possible only if
they can find a person more vulnerable than them, so the search for
vulnerable victims begins and people end up getting hurt in the process.

The insecure personality traits of a manipulator give them obsessiveness

towards their goals. In a relationship, an insecure, manipulative person tends
to find reasons to blame the partner for hearing apologies. Manipulators want
their victims to follow their lead. Some manipulators desire to praise, and
some desire control over the victim. Also, the motives can change from
victim to victim as well.

Multiple Personalities

Manipulators are like chameleons; they have a tendency to change

themselves depending on the situation they are in, or the person they want to
persuade. Multiple personality traits live inside every person; however, not
everyone deliberately hides or showcases those personalities to gain
something, but manipulators do that. They mold themselves to create a
disguised persona in front of a victim, so, if a manipulator wants you to feel
scared, you will never see them laughing or lightly talking to you. It is a
constant character play they perform. You think your boss or partner is very
serious and scary, but the same person behaves completely differently in
other situations.

The ability to change personalities makes manipulators extremely dangerous.

In relationships, we tend to create a picture of our partners or friends, but
what if that picture is all wrong? You see a perfect partner in front of you,
while they are cheating on you and getting away with it.

When changing personalities, manipulators work on three aspects—behavior,

opinions, and feelings. They choose to behave in a certain way in front of
certain people. They blend righteousness into their behavior to build trust in
people. Manipulators can shake their victims with multiple behaviors on
random days. A manipulative spouse can choose to switch their mood often
to keep their other half under control.

Manipulators can debate for or against at the same time. They vaguely
present opinions so that no one can hold them accountable for anything.
Switching sides and opinions allows them to say exactly what a victim desire.
If two different victims are talking to the manipulator at the same time, they
can easily get out of the situation with a vague opinion, such as, “You both
are saying some logical and intelligent things. We should keep an open mind
to gain the best of both worlds.”

Indirect Communication

Although manipulators are great communicators, they like to use other people
to convey what they desire. They will present themselves as if they are a
straightforward person who speaks what they think; however, they like to
plant seeds in the mind of people. You won’t even realize when a
manipulator is making you their messenger. They fool you into thinking that
their ideas are your ideas so, when you do it, the blame is on you, “Nobody
put a gun to your head buddy! You came on your own.”

Jealousy

A manipulator won’t admit it, but jealousy is a big part of their mindset. For
many manipulators, it is the driving force that motivates them to play
people’s vulnerabilities. The feeling of jealousy comes from almost
everything because manipulators desire to feel superior to everyone, so a
manipulator can feel jealous of their parents, siblings, spouses, and friends.
The jealousy stays on until, and unless, they get control over that person.
Holding a person’s emotions and actions in hand, manipulators feel more
powerful and better than the other person.

Self-Centered

All characteristics come down to this one idea. Manipulators are self-
centered. They do not understand or care about other people’s thoughts, life,
emotions, or mental state. They only care about what they need. If people get
hurt physically, emotionally, or psychologically, it is all collateral. People are
expendable if it fulfills some righteous purpose for a manipulator. That is
how a manipulator sees the world. No matter how caring, logical, and
charming they sound, they don’t mean a single word. It is all a formulated
combination of words, emotions, and expressions to manipulate people and
situations.
 CHAPTER 6:

Are You a Manipulator's Victim?

Behavioral Traits of Favorite Victims of

Manipulators

T here are certain characteristics and behavioral traits that make people
more vulnerable to manipulation, and people with dark psychology
traits know this full well. They tend to seek out victims who have
those specific behavioral traits because they are essentially easy targets. Let’s
discuss six of the traits of the favorite victims of manipulators:

1. Emotional Insecurity and Fragility

Manipulators like to target victims who are emotionally insecure or

emotionally fragile. Unfortunately for these victims, such traits are very easy
to identify even in total strangers, so it’s easy for experienced manipulators to
find them.
Emotionally insecure people tend to be very defensive when they are attacked
or when they are under pressure, and that makes them easy to spot in social
situations. Even after just a few interactions, a manipulator can measure with
a certain degree of accuracy, how insecure a person is. They’ll try to provoke
their potential targets subtly, and then wait to see how the targets react. If
they are overly defensive, manipulators will take it as a sign of insecurity,
and they will intensify their manipulative attacks.

Manipulators can also tell if a target is emotionally insecure if they redirect

accusations or negative comments. They will find a way to put you on the
spot, and if you try to throw it back at them, or to make excuses instead of
confronting the situation head-on, the manipulator could conclude that you
are insecure, and therefore, an easy target.

People who have social anxiety also tend to have emotional insecurity, and
manipulators are aware of this fact. In social gatherings, they can easily spot
individuals who have social anxiety, then target them for manipulation.
"Pickup artists" can identify the girls who seem uneasy in social situations by
the way they behave themselves. Social anxiety is difficult to conceal,
especially to manipulators who are experienced at preying on emotional
vulnerability.

Emotional fragility is different from emotional insecurity. Emotionally

insecure people tend to show it all the time, while emotionally fragile people
appear to be normal, but they break down emotionally at the slightest
provocation. Manipulators like targeting emotionally fragile people because
it’s very easy to elicit a reaction from them. Once a manipulator finds out that
you are emotionally fragile, they are going to jump at the chance to
manipulate you because they know it would be fairly easy.

Emotional fragility can be temporary, so people with these traits are often
targeted by opportunistic manipulators. A person may be emotionally stable
most of the time, but they may experience emotional fragility when they are
going through a breakup, when they are grieving, or when they are dealing
with a situation that is emotionally draining. The more diabolical
manipulators can earn your trust, bid their time, and wait for you to be
emotionally fragile. Alternatively, they can use underhanded methods to
induce emotional fragility in a person they are targeting.

2. Sensitive People

Highly sensitive people are those individuals who process information at a

deeper level and are more aware of the subtleties in social dynamics. They
have lots of positive attributes because they tend to be very considerate of
others, and they watch their step to avoid causing people any harm, whether
directly or indirectly. Such people tend to dislike any form of violence or
cruelty, and they are easily upset by news reports about disastrous
occurrences, or even depictions of gory scenes in movies.

Sensitive people also tend to get emotionally exhausted from taking in other
people’s feelings. When they walk into a room, they have the immediate
ability to detect other people’s moods, because they are naturally skilled at
identifying and interpreting other people’s body language cues, facial
expressions, and tonal variations.

Manipulators like to target sensitive people because they are easy to

manipulate. If you are sensitive to certain things, manipulators can use them
against you. They will feign certain emotions to draw sensitive people in so
that they can exploit them.

Sensitive people also tend to be scared easily. They have a heightened "startle
reflex," which means that they are more likely to show clear signs of fear or
nervousness in potentially threatening situations. For example, sensitive
people are more likely to jump up when someone sneaks up on them, even
before they determine whether they are in any real danger. If you are a
sensitive person, this trait can be very difficult to hide, and malicious people
will be able to see it from a mile away.

Sensitive people also tend to be withdrawn. They are mostly introverts, and
they like to keep to themselves because social stimulation can be emotionally
draining for them. Manipulators who are looking to control others are more
likely to target people who are introverted because that trait makes it easy to
isolate potential victims.
Manipulators can also identify sensitive people by listening to how they talk.
Sensitive people tend to be very proper; they never use vulgar language, and
they tend to be very politically correct because they are trying to avoid
offending anyone. They also tend to be polite, and they say please and thank
you more often than others. Manipulators go after such people because they
know that they are too polite to dismiss them right away; sensitive people
will indulge anyone because they don't want to be rude, and that gives
maliciously people a way in.

3. Empathic People

Empathic people are generally similar to highly sensitive people, except that
they are more attuned to the feelings of others and the energy of the world
around them. They tend to internalize other people's suffering to the point
that it becomes their own. In fact, for some of them, it can be difficult to
distinguish someone's discomfort from their own. Empathic people make the
best partners because they feel everything you feel. However, this makes
them particularly easy to manipulate, which is why malicious people like to
target them.

Malicious people can feign certain emotions, and convey those emotions to
empathic people, who will feel them as though they were real. That opens
them up for exploitation. They are the favorite targets of psychopathic
conmen because they feel so deeply for others. A conman can make up
stories about financial difficulties and swindle lots of money from empathic
people.

The problem with being empathic is that because you have such strong
emotions, you easily dismiss your doubts about people because you would
much rather offer help to a person who turns out to be a lair than deny help to
a person who turns out to be telling the truth.

Empathic people have a big-hearts, and they tend to be extremely generous,

often to their detriment. They are highly charitable, and they feel guilty when
others around them suffer, even if it’s not their fault and they can’t do
anything about it. Malicious people have a very easy time taking such people
on guilt trips. They are the kind of people who would willingly fork over
their life savings to help their friends get out of debt, even if it means they
would be ruined financially.

Malicious people like to get into relationships with empathic people because
they are easy to take advantage of. Empathic people try to avoid getting into
intimate relationships in the first place because they know that it’s easy for
them to get engulfed in such relationships and to lose their identities in the
process. However, manipulators will doggedly pursue them because they
know that once they get it, they can guilt the empathic person into doing
anything they want.

4. Fear of Loneliness

Many people are afraid of being alone, but this fear is more heightened in a
small percentage of the population. This kind of fear can be truly paralyzing
for those who experience it, and it can open them up to exploitation by
malicious people. For example, many people stay in dysfunctional
relationships because they are afraid, they will never find someone else to
love them if they break up with an abusive partner. Manipulators can identify
this fear in a victim, and they'll often do everything they can to fuel it further
to make sure that the person is crippled by it. People who are afraid of being
alone can tolerate or even rationalize any kind of abuse.

The fear of being alone can be easy to spot in a potential victim. People with
this kind of fear tend to exude some level of desperation at the beginning of
relationships, and they can sometimes come across as clingy. While ordinary
people may think of being clingy as a red flag, manipulative people will see it
as an opportunity to exploit somebody. If you are attached to them, they’ll
use manipulative techniques to make you even more dependent on them.
They can withhold love and affection (e.g., by using the silent treatment) to
make the victim fear that they are about to get dumped so that they act out of
desperation and cede more control to the manipulator.

The fear of being alone is, for the most part, a social construct, and it
disproportionately affects women more than men. For generations, our
society has taught women that their goal in life is to get married and have
children, so, even the more progressive women who reject this social
construct are still plagued by social pressures to adhere to those old
standards. That being said, the fact is that men also tend to be afraid of being
alone.

People with abandonment issues stemming from childhood tend to

experience the fear of loneliness to a higher degree. There are also those
people who may not necessarily fear loneliness in general, but they are afraid
of being separated from the important people in their lives. For example, lots
of people end up staying in abusive or dysfunctional relationships because
they are afraid of being separated from their children.

5. Fear of Disappointing Others

We all feel a certain sense of obligation towards the people in our lives, but
some people are extremely afraid of disappointing others. This kind of fear is
similar to the fear of embarrassment and the fear of rejection because it
means that the person puts a lot of stock into how others perceive them. The
fear of disappointing others can occur naturally, and it can be useful in some
situations; parents who are afraid of disappointing their families will work
harder to provide for them, and children who are afraid of disappointing their
parents will study harder at school. In this case, the fear is constructive.
However, it becomes unhealthy when it’s directed at the wrong people, or
when it forces you to compromise your comfort and happiness.

When manipulators find out that you have a fear of disappointing others,
they'll try to put you in a position where you feel like you owe them
something. They’ll do certain favors for you, and then they’ll manipulate you
into believing that you have a sense of obligation towards them. They will
then guilt you into complying with any request whenever they want
something from you.

6. Personality Dependent Disorders and Emotional Dependency

Dependent personality disorder refers to a real disorder that is characterized

by a person having an excessive and even pervasive need to be taken care of.
This need often leads the person to be submissive towards the people in their
lives and to be clingy and afraid of separation. People with this disorder act in
ways that are meant to elicit caregiving. They tend to practice what's called
"learned helplessness." This is where they act out of a conviction that they are
unable to do certain things for themselves, and they need the help of others.

Such people have a hard time making decisions, even when dealing with
simple things like picking out which clothes to wear. They need constant
reassurance and advice, and they let others take the lead in their lives. These
are the kinds of people who either move back into their parents' homes as
adults or treat their spouses and partners as though they are their parents.

Manipulators like to target people with dependent personality disorders

because they are very easy to control and dominate. These people willingly
cede control over their lives to others; so, when manipulators come knocking,
they don’t face much resistance. Manipulators start by giving them a false
sense of security, but once they have won their trust, they switch gears and
start imposing their will on them.

Emotional dependency is somewhat similar to dependent personality

disorder, but it doesn't rise to the level of clinical significance. It stems from
having low self-esteem, and it’s often a result of childhood abandonment
issues. People with an emotional dependency will play the submissive role in
relationships for fear of losing their partners. They tend to be very agreeable
because they want to please the people in their lives. Such people are easy to
manipulate, and malicious people can easily dominate them.

Detecting Manipulation
If you are unable to decipher the manipulator from another, you may end up
with emotional trauma. Below, we highlight some of the ways through which
you will know that you are the victim of psychological manipulation.

You are made to feel guilty for the transgressions of another.

Emotional manipulators have mastered the art of avoiding blame and
putting it on others. If you find one person around you that knows
how to find convoluted ways to throw around blames at you, then
you may be a victim of manipulation. For example, you may have
left them with your cat for the weekend and given instructions on
what the feline should eat. The feline eats what you prescribed, but
the manipulator adds something to the cat’s food that you did not
recommend, and the cat gets sick. When you ask, the manipulator
will probably say that you did not state that the cat should not eat
anything else and you did not call to ensure the cat only ate what you
left. If you ever encounter a situation like this, the person you are
dealing with is likely manipulating you. At the end of the day, you
will find yourself apologizing for something that you did not do, and
this plays down on your self-esteem and wears out your self-worth
over time.
They play victim, every single time. In the situation above, for
example, you find that the person is blaming another and in essence,
playing the victim. If every time there is a mess the person behaves
like they are not responsible and projects the blame on others, then
you should understand that they are not only unwilling to take
responsibility, but also a master manipulator who probably
understands well that they can get people to do their bidding using
such techniques.
They lie about trivial matters. You may notice that someone lies so
much, sometimes, even when it is unnecessary. When this happens,
you should realize that the person is a manipulator because they have
gotten used to weaving a web of lies and even tiny details get twisted
into the crazy mix. These small lies usually serve no real purpose and
take so much of the manipulator’s lives that they cannot tell the truth
even when it is unnecessary to lie.
Their actions and words are like water and paraffin. When you
put paraffin into the water, the two will separate into a heterogeneous
mixture with the water sinking to the bottom and paraffin floating at
the top. It is also commonly said that actions speak louder than
words. You see, for a manipulator, their actions and words are
different. They are masters of language, often using it to convince
their unknowing victims so that they can achieve something.
However, they will never meet their end of the bargain. Instead, they
will lull you into a sense of security using flattering words but will
never follow through on their word. They will break almost every
single, little promise made. If this has ever happened, you may be
dealing with a manipulator, and you need to understand that these
things happen because they never meant to follow through with their
promises in the first place.
If there were a pain Olympics, the manipulators would win hands
down, every single time. Manipulators like to evoke sympathy, and
they will do it any chance they get. What better time could they do
this than when they hear someone narrating a seemingly painful
ordeal or a struggle? They will take your situation or struggle and
string it into nothing before coming up with a more outrageous, well-
crafted wilder, and more sympathetic version of events that involves
them. In this way, they hope to carry the day and that you will feel
more sympathy for them.
They know how to fake mutual trust. They may be crafty, but they
understand that to fool you, they need to gain your trust. So, what do
they decide to do? They decide to fake trust between the two of you.
Together with sympathy, these tools will work great to make them a
star in your eyes. How do they feign mutual trust? They do so by
showing you how much they trust, and especially value you. If you
are in a relationship with a manipulator, they could regard you as
their most trusted confidant, for instance. If you are a friend, they
may convince you that you are their closest and best friend. They will
make it look like you are the best thing that ever happened to their
life. Do not get fooled. Manipulators understand that to earn trust
from you and get you to reciprocate, they must act like you are the
center of their universe. You will then be compelled to return the
trust because you will have no reason not to reciprocate. It is an
instinct of humans to want to trust someone else, and when people
show they trust us, we are likely to feel guilty if we cannot
reciprocate the trust. The catch with the false trust elicited by the
manipulator is that the intimacy they share with their victims is
always certainly fake. They share false things and experiences with
you because they do not want to give you ammunition with which
you can potentially take them down. Be careful when dealing with
people because it can be a bit difficult to know whether what you are
handed trust as a tool for manipulation or not.
They put you in a set-up that makes you think they are
 negotiating. The most common way they do this is by posing a
question that makes you believe you came to a compromise while
that is not the case. For example, if they want $200 from you, they
will not directly ask for it. They will come to you with hopes of
getting up to $500 and will ask on the higher end. If you say that you
do not have $500, they tone down and say, “Well, the situation is
dire, even $200 will do.” As a normal person, it would be easier to
give in to this demand and think that you have made a deal. The real
truth, however, is that you have been manipulated and the
manipulator knew exactly how to get the $200 from your pockets.

All said, remember that emotional manipulation is real, and unfortunately, it

can be difficult to spot it sometimes. However, with the tips we have given
you in the preceding, there is a probability that you may be able to smoke out
a potential manipulator. Also, remember that you are worthy and that your
judgment is almost always accurate, and nobody should put you in a position
where you doubt your sanity or judgment. Nobody should dictate what you
do, and neither should they impose what is not true on you while you watch
them, even if they are manipulative.
 CHAPTER 7:

Techniques to React to Your Manipulator

How to Defend Yourself From Manipulation

Know Your Fundamental Human Rights

T he single most important guideline when you’re dealing with a

psychologically manipulative person is to know your rights and
recognize when they’re being violated. As long as you do not harm
others, you have the right to stand up for yourself and defend your rights. On
the other hand, if you bring harm to others, you may forfeit these rights.
Following are some of our fundamental human rights:

To be treated with respect.

 To express your feelings, opinions, and wants.
To set your priorities.
To say "no" without feeling guilty
To get what you pay for.
To have opinions different than others.
To take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically,
mentally, or emotionally.
To create your happy and healthy life.

These fundamental human rights represent your boundaries. Of course, our

society is full of people who do not respect these rights. Psychological
manipulators, in particular, want to deprive you of your rights so they can
control and take advantage of you. But you have the power and moral
authority to declare that it is you, not the manipulator, who’s in charge of
your life.

Keep Your Distance

One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces
in front of different people and in different situations. While all of us have a
degree of this type of social differentiation, some psychological manipulators
tend to habitually dwell in extremes, being highly polite to one individual and
completely rude to another—or totally helpless one moment and fiercely
aggressive the next.

When you observe this type of behavior from an individual on a regular

basis, keep a healthy distance, and avoid engaging with the person unless you
absolutely have to. Reasons for chronic psychological manipulation are
complex and deep-seated. It is not your job to change or save them.

Avoid Personalization and Self-Blame

Since the manipulator’s agenda is to look for and exploit your weaknesses, it
is understandable that you may feel inadequate, or even blame yourself for
not satisfying the manipulator. In these situations, it’s important to remember
that you are not the problem; you’re simply being manipulated to feel bad
about yourself so that you’re more likely to surrender your power and rights.
Consider your relationship with the manipulator, and ask the following
questions:

Am I being treated with genuine respect?

Are this person’s expectations and demands of me reasonable?
Is the giving in this relationship primarily one way or two ways?
Ultimately, do I feel good about myself in this relationship?

Your answers to these questions give you important clues about whether the
"problem" in the relationship is with you or the other person.

Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions

Inevitably, psychological manipulators will make a request (or demands) of

you. These "offers" often make you go out of your way to meet their needs.
When you hear an unreasonable solicitation, it’s sometimes useful to put the
focus back on the manipulator by asking a few probing questions, to see if
they have enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity of their scheme.
For example:

Does this seem reasonable to you?

Does what you want from me sound fair?
Do I have a say in this?
Are you asking me or telling me?
So, what do I get out of this?
Are you really expecting me to restate the inequitable request?

When you ask such questions, you’re putting up a mirror, so the manipulator
can see the true nature of their play. If the manipulator has a degree of self-
awareness they will likely withdraw the demand and back down.

On the other hand, truly pathological manipulators (such as a narcissist) will

dismiss your questions and insist on getting their way. If this occurs, apply
ideas from the following tips to keep your power, and halt the manipulation.

Use Time to Your Advantage

In addition to the unreasonable request, the manipulator will often also expect
an answer from you right away, to maximize their pressure and control over
you in the situation. (Salespeople call this "closing the deal.") During these
moments, instead of responding to the manipulator’s request right away,
consider leveraging time to your advantage, and distancing yourself from
their immediate influence. You can exercise leadership over the situation
simply by saying:

"I’ll think about it." Consider how powerful these few words are
from a customer to a salesperson or from a romantic prospect to an
eager pursuer or from you to a manipulator. Take the time you need
to evaluate the pros and cons of a situation and consider whether you
want to negotiate a more equitable arrangement, or if you’re better
off by saying "no," which leads us to our next point.
Know how to say “no” diplomatically but firmly. To be able to say
“no” diplomatically but firmly you need to practice the art of
communication. Effectively articulated, it allows you to stand your
ground while maintaining a workable relationship. Remember that
your fundamental human rights include the right to set your priorities,
the right to say “no” without feeling guilty, and the right to choose
your happy and healthy life.

Set Consequences

When a psychological manipulator insists on violating your boundaries, and

won’t take a "no" for an answer, deploy consequences.

The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important
skills you can use to "stand down" a difficult person. Effectively articulated,
such consequence(s) gives pause to the manipulative individual and compels
them to shift from violation to respect.
 CHAPTER 8:

How to Protect Yourself Against

Manipulators

How to Speed-Read People and Prevent

Manipulation

S peed-reading people takes practice and experience. However, many of

the skills that you may need to develop may be skills that you already
have. When you look at a person to sum them up in your mind, you
are evaluating their body language in a split second; you perceive their facial
expression, their posture, and their actions.
To speed read people effectively, you’ll need to be well-versed in the practice
of mindfulness. Mindfulness is being aware of the present moment without
judging and presents a setup of three parts, which include being present,
being here and now, and being non-judgmental. The first, being aware, is just
letting yourself take in all of the sensory information that you have and
accepting your state. The second part is about being in the present moment,
whenever and wherever you are. The third part is about non-judging; this can
apply to people who often find themselves caught up in their heads. Non-
judging is important because acceptance is a major motivator in our lives.
You must cultivate mindfulness to speed read people because it is the
modality you can be comfortable in reaching people’s signs and observable
cues.

Start cultivating mindfulness by practicing. First, you can just sit in a

comfortable position, with your body relaxed, just letting yourself feel your
butt in the chair and your feet on the floor. You can do a variety of exercises,
including a body scan. The body scan should start at one end of the body, like
the head or toes, and go slowly to the other end of the body. This is just
directing your attention to different parts of the body and feeling them and
noticing what they are doing and what is going on. Direct your attention first
at your toes, and just feel what they are feeling. You can feel the clothing that
they are touching, your socks or shoes, or you can notice the ground beneath
them. This will let you be more in touch with what is happening in your
body.

You can also start by just paying attention to the breath. Just place your
attention on the physical sensations of the breath. This is just a way to tune
into the body and let you be in touch with it. As you notice each breath, count
to ten over and over again. See how high you can count up without losing
your attention on one single bodily function. This is a practice that will help
you with concentration and attention.

Mindfulness will let you be in the present moment when you are interacting
with people and observing them. Being mindful means being aware, and this
is your goal when you are trying to speed read people. It is to be aware of
their posture, body language, and other cues that are very important in
analyzing people.

Concentration and attention are important when you want to speed read
people. You will need to employ attention and direction at a particular person
when you are speed reading them. You must not appear to be outwardly
focusing much of your attention on them, but rather neutrally observing them.
First, you can notice their posture. Are they standing up straight? Are they
crouched or leaning to one side? This can tell you about the physical state of
their body. Older people will have a slightly more hunched-over perspective.
With younger people, a hunch can mean different things. It can mean that
they want themselves to be smaller and less noticeable, and maybe they don’t
like to be in the public eye. It might betray a sense of shyness in them, that
they are not willing to stand up and look people in the eye.

People’s sitting posture will tell you a great deal about them as well. Most
people who are very mindful try to engage in proper posture most of the time
because poor posture can cause the bones to weaken and results in all sorts of
health problems. When someone is sitting up in a healthy and attentive
posture, you know they are a reliable person. They take care of their bodies,
and they are intentional about this. Sometimes, sitting posture will not be the
best indicator, and sometimes, this can throw you off.

What do we mean by effect? The effect is the way that the face is expressing
thoughts and feelings. A normal effect is considered one with a wide range of
expressions, for example, smiling when one is happy and having facial
expressions that match what one is saying and doing. The effect is a big clue
to how someone is feeling. People with some mental illness, for example,
have flat effects. This means that their effect does not change very much
when they say different things, and they’re not able to express feelings with
their faces. This comes with a variety of conditions. However, much less
severe cases of restricted effect can come simply from being shy, anxious, or
sad. A person may restrict their effect when they have social anxiety, for
example. A person’s thoughts can be wildly swinging all over the place, and
their face is displaying a neutral, calm reaction. This can be a protective
mechanism for some people when they hide their emotions. You and other
people don’t have to deal with the messy reality of where your emotions are.
Some people display all of their feelings on their faces. When speed reading
people, you just have to determine how much a person’s effect represents
their feelings. Then, you can engage. Eye contact is a huge part of this. How
much eye contact is the person making? Is it sustained and intimate? Is it
broken up? Sometimes, people can be aggressive with eye contact, and it can
be a way for people to act out their dominance in a situation.

Eye contact is a proximal thing that can connect and divide people. The term
“male gaze” was coined to describe the interaction in eye contact or gaze
alone. The male gaze is because of the power of the eye. It is something that
we often forget, but eye contact is a powerful tool when you make it with
someone. You are making a connection. This connection can be frightening
to some people, and people who are shy or have self-esteem issues tend to
avoid eye contact to a great extent. This is because they don’t trust
themselves, and they don’t have confidence. A person with confidence can
make eye contact with anyone they encounter and engage with. People might
be intimidating, but you can always engage with someone in good faith and
have the confidence to represent yourself and your ideas effectively.

The only way to start speed reading people is by practicing. Give yourself
some practice: go down to the corner store and buy a small thing or two.
Look around and see who you see. If there is no one else, practice using the
cashier, ask them how their day was, and see how they react. As you are
going through this experience, try to pick up as much as you can. Try to focus
on them, without lingering, and try to read into the person’s body language
and effect. You might notice something that you have never noticed before.

When you get home, start writing. Start writing what you saw, what the
person looked like, how they acted, and everything else. Start to describe how
you felt in your body when you were interacting with this person and try to
see if you noticed any changes when they were interacting with you. Some
major things to look out for are eye contact, facial expression, body language,
and any other vibes you can pick up. Start writing down everything you
notice and see how much you can glean.
 CHAPTER 9:

Toxic Relationships and What to Do With

Them

A nxiety isn’t always the element that affects a relationship.

Sometimes it’s the other way around, and the reason you have
anxiety is because of a toxic relationship. But what exactly does
toxic mean? We refer to a toxic relationship when it isn’t beneficial to you,
and it’s harmful somehow. The building blocks for a healthy relationship are
made from mutual respect and admiration, but sometimes it just isn’t enough.

However, there is a difference between a problematic relationship and a toxic

one, mainly the noxious atmosphere surrounding you. This kind of
relationship can suffocate you with time and prevent you from living a happy,
productive life. Many factors lead to toxicity. It is most often caused by
friction between two people who are opposites of each other. In others,
nothing specific is to blame, and the toxic relationship grows from the lack of
communication, the establishment of boundaries, and the ability to agree on
something, or at the very least compromise.

Take note that not all toxic relationships develop because of the couple.
Sometimes there is an outlier seeking to influence conflict because they will
benefit from it in some way. This type of individual preys on other people’s
insecurities, weaknesses, or manipulates in this way within a relationship
from which they have something to gain. In some cases, a toxic person seeks
to destroy a relationship to get closer to one of them. They may not even be
sensitive to their damaging behavior because of a self-obsessed focus that
does not extend to anyone else. Personal needs, emotions, and goals take
priority over anyone else’s well-being.

With that in mind, let’s briefly explore the characteristics of a toxic

relationship:

Poisonous: A relationship that is extremely unpleasant to be around

as it poisons the atmosphere around it. It makes anyone around the
couple anxious, and it can even lead to psychological and emotional
problems such as anxiety and depression.
Deadly: Toxic relationships are bad for your health. In many cases, it
involves risky, destructive, and abusive behaviors. Some people end
up harming themselves with alcohol, drugs, or worse. Injuries and
even death can become the final result.
Negative: In this kind of relationship, negativity is the norm. There is
no positive reinforcement, even when children are involved. The
overwhelming lack of approval and emotional support is standard.
Harmful: Toxic relationships lack balance and awareness. Those
involved are never truly aware of each other and lack the most
positive principles that a healthy relationship needs. Toxicity also
promotes immoral and malicious acts that harm a romantic
relationship.

What we have mentioned so far may lead you to think that toxic people are
psychopaths and nothing more. While it is real that some of them are, that’s
not always the case. However, psychopaths are expert manipulators due to
their ability to mask their true feelings and intentions. These people have a
psychological disorder that makes their personalities imposing, pretentious,
and even impulsive. Many aren’t aware of their behavior and the effects they
have on others. They tend to be self-absorbed and expect a great deal from
others while being selfish and deceitful. In other words, they lack insight as
well as empathy. Psychopaths are people who seek attention, admiration, and
acceptance, but they will need to accept their responsibilities and the needs of
others.

Why and how would anyone end up in a relationship with someone who
displays psychopathic traits? The answer lies in their ability to maintain
appearances and manipulate others. If they realize you see through their
charade, they will do anything to convince you that they are the right person.
They may start doing good deeds, not out of empathy and love, but out of the
need to redeem themselves. In many cases, these people can recover if their
psychopathic disorder isn’t too severe. With help, they can gain control over
themselves and their toxic behavior to live a productive life without hurting
others in the process.

As mentioned earlier, toxic relationships don’t always involve psychopaths or

those who display similar traits. In many situations, these relationships are
the way they are due to decent people who are terrible decision-makers or
lack social skills. Taking a wrong turn in life happens to everyone, and many
people change but not always for the better.

Warning Signs
Now that you can better identify toxic relationships and the kind of involved
people, let’s see whether or not you are in one. Humans are complex
creatures, and the traits we describe below don’t necessarily make someone
toxic. Some underlying issues and disorders can make people behave
negatively. However, they can still be excellent partners. With that said,
here’s a list of questions you can ask yourself to learn more about your
relationship:

Do you feel happy, safe, and nurtured in the presence of your

significant other?
Are all the other people involved in your relationship safe and happy?
For instance, your children (if you have any), parents, friends, and so
on. As mentioned earlier, people tend to avoid toxic relationships
instead of being in contact with them.
Do you experience anxiety or panic attacks when you are about to
discuss something with your partner?
Can you think of many scenarios in which you were manipulated to
do something that wasn’t in your best interest?
Is your partner pushing the limits of what you would consider
ethical? Are they even crossing the line of what is legal?
Does your partner push you to perform challenging tasks that you
consider entirely unnecessary? These challenges may seem pointless
and that you need to resolve them just because it’s what your partner
 wants.
Do you feel emotionally strained and exhausted after interacting with
your partner?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you are likely in a toxic
relationship that may be making you anxious and damaging your health. You
then need to decide for yourself whether you wish to stay in this kind of
relationship to repair it or leave. If you do decide to stay, there’s a series of
decisions you need to make. For instance, you need to feel in control of the
idea of resisting all the negativity that comes with a toxic partner because you
will need to endure feelings of anxiety and stress. You need to ask yourself
whether you are gaining enough from that relationship and whether it’s worth
sacrificing yourself for it.

Handling a Toxic Relationship

As mentioned, a toxic relationship can be a powerful source of anxiety. It
doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship either. Some of them you can
avoid by cutting contact with some people to feel relief. However, there are
certain people you simply cannot break away from, whether they are
romantic partners or your mother-in-law. This is why we are going to discuss
how to deal with such a relationship.

The first step is to accept the inescapable situation. When your options are
limited, you cannot achieve relief by avoidance, and acceptance leads to a
decrease in anxiety. You may be tempted to be hostile towards that person,
but it won’t help. Instead, it will just add to your worries and stress. Your
only alternative is to manage your anxiety by admitting to yourself that you
may never be able to get along with that person. Besides, you can attempt to
ignore them entirely by never spending time together and ignoring any
contact. However, none of these tactics usually work.

Resistance can help short term, but it will continue generating anxiety and
stress because the toxic person discerns how to get under your skin and take
advantage of you. Accept that this relationship is complicated and challenges
you, but you do your best to make it better. That doesn’t mean you should
completely surrender. Accepting your situation will allow you new
possibilities and new options instead of repeatedly punishing yourself.

Take note that you need to be consciously aware that you are not responsible
for anyone else’s emotions and reactions for the process of acceptance to take
hold. Toxic behavior often makes people blame you for their situation and
feelings. Do not accept any of that, as you are not the reason for their
suffering. They need to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions
instead of blaming others.

The second step is telling the truth. If a toxic relationship is creating stress,
you often lie to avoid conflict, causing even more anxiety. The problem is
that when you lie to such a person, you enable them and become partially
responsible for the reality they create— leading to the toxic environment
surrounding them.

For instance, let’s say you intentionally didn’t invite the problematic person
to your birthday. When confronted about it, you may be tempted to say that
you sent an invitation but used the wrong address, or it went into the spam
folder. Lying isn’t easy, especially if you are an anxious person. People can
tell, especially if you tend to make excuses for yourself often enough. Instead
of lying, you should tell the truth and the real truth. This means that you
shouldn’t use an excuse. Just say they make you uncomfortable and too
anxious, that is why you didn’t invite them. Telling the truth can be difficult
and even painful because it affects others. It takes a great deal of courage, and
once you get through the experience, you will feel a powerful sense of relief.
In the end, it’s better to get something off your chest instead of carrying it.
 Conclusion

T hank you for making it through to the end, let’s hope it was
informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to
achieve your goals whatever they may be.

Manipulation is not an easy thing to deal with. It can be immensely difficult

to feel like you can trust the people around you, and healing from an
emotional relationship is going to make trust even more difficult than ever.
Manipulators are all around us, and sometimes, they might not be aware of
what they’re doing wrong. They don’t realize how manipulative their
personalities can be, and sometimes they do it on purpose. If you are in the
company of manipulative individuals, don’t be afraid to talk about it. The
best way to keep manipulation to a minimum is to keep channels of
communication open. Stand your ground and enforce boundaries to protect
yourself and your emotions while maintaining respectful communication with
the person doing the manipulation.

If you have been guilty of being manipulative, it’s time to stop and ask
yourself why this was happening. By accepting responsibility for your
behavior, you’re taking back control of your actions. At every step, we have
an opportunity to choose to be better. If you’re not proud of having been
guilty of manipulation in the past, it’s not too late to change. However, the
desire for change needs to come from a genuine place if it is going to stick.
Your desire to be better needs to be greater than your desire to have it your
way all the time.

From here, it is time for you to begin implementing the work that you have
discovered. It is time to start working on how you can become an emotionally
intelligent individual so you can begin to take more control of yourself, your
emotions, and improve your relationships. It is time to start pushing forward
to better yourself, and if you put your mind to it, you will succeed. You must
start by strengthening your emotional intelligence with self-awareness.
Remember how crucial it is to be able to see your emotional states so you can
then begin to better process how you must behave. Remember that you can
learn to build these skills for yourself so you know that you can succeed in
your life. Remember that, in the end, you can cope better with whatever
comes your way. All you have to do is get moving to make it happen. You
can do it. You have the power to do it. You can become a more emotionally
intelligent individual. You can learn to defeat everything. You can do it if
you push yourself.

Good luck on your journey! Hopefully, it will bring you to a point where you
feel you are in control. You will come to feel that you can manage
successfully. I am optimistic you will begin to feel more confident, and I
hope this book has contributed to that!
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