‭Revision Matrix - Tammy Lim‬

‭ ext from my initial WP‬

T ‭ comment or‬
A ‭ he changes I made to‬
T ‭ ow this change Impacts‬
H
‭submission:‬ ‭question I received /‬ ‭what I initially wrote:‬ ‭my paper:‬
‭Something I believe I‬
‭needed to change‬

‭WP1: Missing a title‬ ‭Allison: Title?‬ ‭ ashion Fusion:‬

F ‭ his change allows the‬
T
‭Exploring Fashion‬ ‭reader to understand what‬
‭Through History and‬ ‭they are reading. Adding a‬
‭Engineering‬ ‭title is vital in any written‬
‭text.‬

‭ P1: While history‬

W ‭ llison: Is this the‬
‭focuses on wholesale‬
‭catalogs of mass fashion‬
‭in Birmingham from the‬
‭1920s to the 1960s,‬
‭engineering centers on‬
‭researching 3D printing in‬
‭fashion using‬
‭Thermoplastic‬
‭Polyurethane.‬
A ‭ hile history‬
W ‭ his change made the‬
‭thesis? Paper's‬ ‭approaches the topic of‬
‭argument isn't clear.‬ ‭fashion to elucidate the‬
‭What are the‬ ‭development of mass‬
‭differences?‬ ‭fashion in Birmingham‬
‭through the utilization‬
‭of wholesale catalogs‬
‭from the 1920s to the‬
‭1920s, engineering‬
‭examines the‬
‭integration of‬
‭sustainable materials‬
‭such as Thermoplastic‬
‭Polyurethane into‬
‭fashion production‬
‭through 3D printing,‬
‭both using distinct‬
‭jargon and targeting‬
‭their audiences. These‬
‭differing objectives‬
‭shed light on the‬
‭multifaceted nature of‬
‭fashion as both a‬
‭historical and‬
‭technological topic.‬
T
‭argument clearer; I‬
‭explained better that‬
‭history approaches fashion‬
‭by focusing on the‬
‭development of mass‬
‭fashion from the 1920s to‬
‭the 1960s, and compared‬
‭that to engineering’s focus‬
‭on using Thermoplastic‬
‭Polyurethane in 3D‬
‭printing fashion items.‬
‭This makes a more distinct‬
‭difference between both‬
‭disciplines, especially with‬
‭the addition that they use‬
‭jargon and target their‬
‭audiences. I also added‬
‭another sentence that‬
‭further explains the‬
‭differences and how it‬
‭sheds light on the‬
‭versatility of fashion.‬

‭WP1: communications‬‭1‭.‬ ‬ ‭ llison: circled the‬

A ‭Communications.‬‭1‬ ‭ ith this paper being my‬
W
‭footnote.‬ ‭first time using the‬
‭Chicago Manual of Style‬
‭citations, I was not aware‬
‭that the footnote needed to‬
‭go after the period. This‬
‭change correctly adheres‬
‭to the citation style.‬
‭ P1: Gilbert, Jenny.‬
W ‭ llison: This is more‬
‭“‘Better Dressed than‬
‭Birmingham’? Wholesale‬ ‭notes format‬
‭Clothing Catalogues and‬
‭the Communication of‬
‭Mass Fashion, 1920s to‬
‭1960s.”‬‭Midland History‬
‭45, no. 2 (2020): 258,‬
‭https://doi.org/10.1080/00‬
‭47729X.2020.1767978‬
‭ P1: Fashion not only‬
W ‭ lsie: I think the‬
‭encompasses clothing, but‬
‭also accessories, makeup,‬
‭and hairstyles.‬
‭ P1: Missing a‬
W ‭ llison: You‬
‭connection to the history‬
‭discipline‬
A J‭ enny Gilbert, “‘Better‬ ‭ his change makes it‬
T
‭bibliography than‬ ‭Dressed than‬ ‭change from a‬
‭Birmingham’?‬ ‭bibliography format to a‬
‭Wholesale Clothing‬ ‭proper notes format from‬
‭Catalogues and the‬ ‭the Chicago Manual of‬
‭Communication of‬ ‭Style.‬
‭Mass Fashion, 1920s to‬
‭1960s,”‬‭Midland‬
‭History‬‭45, no. 2‬
‭(2020): 258,‬
‭https://doi.org/10.1080/‬
‭0047729X.2020.176797‬
‭8‬
E ‭I took this sentence out.‬ ‭ his change makes it so‬
T
‭introduction is a good‬ ‭that my introduction‬
‭length, but the topic‬ ‭paragraph doesn't derive‬
‭of fashion‬ ‭from my main topics‬
‭overpowers the‬ ‭which are the history and‬
‭discussion about the‬ ‭engineering disciplines. I‬
‭two disciplines.‬ ‭thought this sentence was‬
‭unnecessary.‬
A ‭ ilbert’s usage of‬
G ‭ his change explains how‬
T
‭described the‬ ‭reliable, primary source‬ ‭Gilbert’s evidence is‬
‭structure of the‬ ‭materials reflects the‬ ‭unique to the history‬
‭articles and the‬ ‭history discipline;‬ ‭discipline. It explains how‬
‭evidence they used,‬ ‭history needs to be‬ ‭the usage of credible‬
‭but what does this tell‬ ‭supported by credible‬ ‭sources are paramount to‬
‭us about the‬ ‭materials to construct‬ ‭history, and it builds‬
‭disciplines?‬ ‭accurate narratives of‬ ‭credibility and solidifies‬
‭the past. In the field of‬ ‭her argument.‬
‭history, the authenticity‬
‭of a source is‬
‭paramount, as it‬
‭provides direct evidence‬
‭of historical events.‬
‭Gilbert, by relying on‬
‭these dependable‬
‭sources, is able to‬
‭effectively establish her‬
‭argument and‬
‭credibility. The‬
‭materials used by‬
‭Gilbert enhance the‬
‭credibility of her‬

‭ P1: Missing a‬
W ‭ llison: You‬
‭connection to the‬
‭engineering discipline‬
‭ P1: The authors assume‬ M
W ‭ e: I think this‬
‭that their audience‬
‭possesses a significant‬
‭amount of understanding‬
‭of engineering, 3D‬
‭printing, and‬
‭manufacturing processes.‬
‭ P2: Gilbert’s paper‬
W ‭ e: Although this‬
‭delves into Birmingham’s‬
‭role in the mass-market‬
‭fashion industry, focusing‬
‭on the “Big Four” of‬
‭Birmingham clothing and‬
‭textile companies from‬
‭the mid-nineteenth‬
‭century until the 1970s,‬
‭and their role in‬
‭disseminating mass‬
‭fashion through printed‬
A ‭ he engineering‬
‭described the‬
‭structure of the‬
‭articles and the‬
‭evidence they used,‬
‭but what does this tell‬
‭us about the‬
‭disciplines?‬
‭sentence sounds very‬
‭awkward and choppy‬
M ‭ dded citation:‬
‭explains Gilbert’s‬
‭main argument and‬
‭what she focuses on, I‬
‭did not cite her.‬
r‭ esearch and solidifies‬
‭her argument about‬
‭fashion history.‬
T ‭ ecause I made the same‬
B
‭discipline requires‬ ‭mistake as the history‬
‭reliable, scientific‬ ‭discipline of not‬
‭scholarly literature as‬ ‭explaining the evidence‬
‭their evidence, since it‬ ‭and how it connects to the‬
‭serves as a foundation‬ ‭engineering discipline,‬
‭to explain technological‬ ‭adding this sentence‬
‭advancements. One of‬ ‭ensures a further‬
‭engineering endevours‬ ‭connection to my thesis‬
‭is developing practical‬ ‭and overall engineering‬
‭solutions to problems,‬ ‭discipline.‬
‭which rely on empirical‬
‭data, experimentation,‬
‭and scientific literature.‬
‭By utilizing these‬
‭credible sources,‬
‭engineers ensure‬
‭accuracy and credibility‬
‭on their research,‬
‭facilitating the‬
‭advancement of science.‬
‭ he authors assume that‬
T ‭ his change allows for the‬
T
‭their audience has a‬ ‭sentence to flow better and‬
‭thorough understanding‬ ‭for a better understanding‬
‭of the engineering‬ ‭of what I was trying to say.‬
‭discipline, 3D printing,‬
‭and manufacturing‬
‭processes.‬
A ‭ his gives proper credit to‬
T
‭Jenny Gilbert, “‘Better‬ ‭Jenny Gilbert, where I‬
‭Dressed than‬ ‭failed to credit her work.‬
‭Birmingham’?‬
‭Wholesale Clothing‬
‭Catalogues and the‬
‭Communication of‬
‭Mass Fashion, 1920s to‬
‭1960s,” Midland‬
‭History 45, no. 2‬
‭(2020): 258.‬
‭https://doi.org/10.1080/‬
‭communications.‬
‭ P2: Gilbert further‬
W ‭ llison/Me: I‬
‭organizes her article by‬
‭using footnotes and the‬
‭Chicago Manual of Style‬
‭citation, suggesting that‬
‭her paper is academic and‬
‭for research purposes‬
‭ P2: (No description‬
W ‭ llison: How did you‬ I‭ also decided to add‬
‭about the images in my‬
‭genre translation)‬
‭ P2: (No description‬
W ‭ llison: How did you‬ W
‭about what I depicted in‬
‭my images)‬
‭ 047729X.2020.176797‬
0
‭8‬
A ‭ ilbert further‬
G I‭ added how her using‬
‭believed that I did not‬ ‭organizes her article by‬ ‭footnotes and Chicago‬
‭talk about how Jenny‬ ‭using footnotes and the‬ ‭Manual of style highlights‬
‭Gilbert adheres to the‬ ‭Chicago Manual of‬ ‭commitments of the‬
‭history discipline‬ ‭Style citation,‬ ‭history discipline‬
‭after correcting WP1‬ ‭suggesting that her‬
‭per Allison’s‬ ‭paper is academic and‬
‭suggestion.‬ ‭for research purposes,‬
‭as well as highlighting‬
‭the history discipline’s‬
‭commitment to‬
‭organization and‬
‭credibility.‬
A ‭ his change discusses how‬
T
‭create the images for‬ ‭drawings throughout‬ ‭I used an iPad to draw my‬
‭your translation?‬ ‭my genre translation, as‬ ‭characters and how I‬
‭it is a staple in all‬ ‭utilized vibrant colors on‬
‭children's books. I drew‬ ‭purpose for it to be more‬
‭all of my drawings by‬ ‭captivating for children.‬
‭hand on my iPad and‬
‭made sure to color them‬
‭vibrantly, as it would‬
‭captivate more‬
‭children’s attention.‬
A ‭ hile thinking of what‬ ‭ his change further‬
T
‭decide what to depict‬ ‭to draw, I decided to‬ ‭explains how I decided to‬
‭in picture-form?‬ ‭match each drawing to‬ ‭make my wholesale‬
‭each stanza to give a‬ ‭catalog character while‬
‭visual description of‬ ‭giving examples on how I‬
‭what I wrote. I also‬ ‭thought about what to‬
‭wanted to create a‬ ‭draw‬
‭specific, fun, and silly‬
‭character that‬
‭represented the main‬
‭idea of my translation‬
‭and thus created the red‬
‭wholesale catalog‬
‭character. For example,‬
‭in my fourth stanza‬

‭ P2: Enabling a mindset‬
W ‭ e: I thought that I‬
‭of first-order thinking‬
‭helped me be “intuitive‬
‭and creative, and [I‬
‭didn’t] strive for‬
‭conscious direction or‬
‭control” while making a‬
‭draft of my translation,‬
‭which overall helped my‬
‭children’s book flow‬
‭smoother (then no more‬
‭description about‬
‭first-order thinking)‬
‭ P2: Moreover, these‬
W ‭ e: This sentence is‬
‭works are very poetic,‬
‭utilizing repetition to‬
‭engage young minds.‬
‭ P2: She includes an‬
W ‭ e: I did not include‬
‭abstract, her main‬
‭arguments, her‬
‭conclusion, and finally,‬
‭acknowledgments.‬
a‭ bout the specific “Big‬
‭Four” companies, I‬
‭drew three buildings‬
‭with each company‬
‭name along with my‬
‭wholesale catalog‬
‭character.‬
M ‭ aving first-order‬
H ‭ his change describes‬
T
‭needed to explain‬ ‭thinking allowed me to‬ ‭further how first-order‬
‭more about how‬ ‭be more creative, and I‬ ‭thinking allowed me to be‬
‭first-order thinking‬ ‭did not worry about‬ ‭more creative and helped‬
‭helped me with my‬ ‭needing to sound‬ ‭it sound more natural after‬
‭genre translation‬ ‭professional and perfect‬ ‭the previous sentence.‬
‭on my first try.‬
M ‭ oreover, these works‬
M ‭ his change allowed it to‬
T
‭a bit awkward‬ ‭are very poetic, as they‬ ‭flow better, as well as‬
‭utilize repetition to‬ ‭include the fact that these‬
‭engage young minds.‬ ‭works are poetic‬
‭BECAUSE they use‬
‭repetition‬
M ‭ he includes an‬
S ‭ his change includes that‬
T
‭how her main‬ ‭abstract, her main‬ ‭her arguments are divided‬
‭arguments are split up‬ ‭arguments with‬ ‭into different subheadings,‬
‭into different‬ ‭different subheadings,‬ ‭which is a very important‬
‭subheadings‬ ‭her conclusion, and‬ ‭aspect of her genre‬
‭finally,‬ ‭convention‬
‭acknowledgments.‬