MODULE 1

LIFE SKILLS NOTES

UNIT OUTLINE
INTRODUCTION TO LIFE SKILLS
KNOWING AND LIVING WITH ONESELF:
SELF AWARENESS
SELF ESTEEM
STRESS MANAGEMENT
COPING WITH EMOTIONS
EMPATHY
ASSERTIVENESS
NEGOTIATION
NON-VIOLENT CONFLICT RESOLUTION
EFFECTIVE DECISION MAKING
CRITICAL THINKING
PROBLEM SOLVING
LEISURE
TIME MANAGEMENT
GENDER EDUCATION
DRUG AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE
HIV AND AIDS
CHILD LABOUR
CHILD RIGHTS
RELATIONSHIPS

1
INTRODUCTION TO LIFESKILLS

OBJECTIVES

By the end of this topic, you should be able to:

i) Define the term life skills from different perspectives
ii) Discuss the nature of life skills
iii) Categorize life skills
iv) Discuss the significance of life skills

GENERAL INTRODUCTION
Life skills are defined in particular life situations and throughout life. They are developed as a
result of a constructive processing of information, impressions, encounters and experiences, -
both individual and social - that are a part of one’s daily life and work and the rapid changes
that occur in the course of one’s life. The social dimensions are particularly important as they
condition life itself and compel individuals to purposefully acquire skills, develop attitudes
and values in order to face and master real life situations. Activities over the life course take
place in a variety of contexts (political process, work place, at home, in the community, or in
non-formal and informal settings), and sectors or domains (health, environment, gender, work
among others) of human existence. Therefore, it is in the context of these different life
situations that life skills need to be adapted and defined.

NATURE OF LIFESKILLS
Life skills are evolutionally in nature. They are in constant evolution both in terms of
individual’s personal as well as the economic, social and cultural contexts. Given the
diversity of contexts, backgrounds and cultures and inherent abilities there are bound to be
individuals and groups, who cannot attain some life skills. Therefore, alternative skills and
other abilities need to be encouraged rather than uniformity.

Life skills are also contextual in nature. All life skills have only a contextual relevance both
within and across societies. It is important not to forget the contextuality of life skills,
because this is the main reason for the success of life skills learning. Life skills need to be
adapted to the specific contexts of each country, each group or even each individual. Life
skills should be able to take into account disparities in social background, gender and the
labour market, as well as national and international cultural variations. Very often therefore,
the general and derivational definitions will conflict with an inductive search of the same
competencies in the real situation. Thus, to for example transfer requirements of universally
required key qualifications and key competencies, which have been defined in the context of

2
the west, to the developing countries, with very different socio-economic situations, is to pose
problems and to distort the whole emphasis of their education in other functionally necessary
life skills.

DEFINING LIFES KILLS

There are many different understandings of life skills but no definition is universally
accepted. Life skills defined in a general way mean a mix of knowledge, behaviour, attitudes
and values and designate the possession of some skill and know-how to do something, or
reach an aim. The constituents of generally defined life skills can be described in the
following way:
They include the abilities necessary to apply the conceptual thinking and reflection in
concrete situations;
They imply capacities to be involved in effective interaction with the environment and
provide an appropriate motivational attitude;

They involve psychological prerequisites for successful performance, such as problem

solving capacities, self-confidence and skills for critical thinking.

Different organisations attach different meanings to the term lifeskills.

The International Bureau of Education (IBE) derives its understanding of life skills from the
four pillars of learning – learning to know; learning to do; learning to be; and learning to live
together - and defines life skills as personal management and social skills which are
necessary for adequate functioning on an independent basis. Life skills have been defined by
World Health Organisation (WHO), as “abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that
enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life”.

According to United Nations International Children’s Educational Fund, (UNICEF),

Lifeskills refer to a large group of psycho-social and interpersonal skills which can help
people make informed decisions, communicate effectively, and develop coping and
self-management skills that may help them lead a healthy and productive life. According to
UNICEF, the choice of, and emphasis on, different skills will vary according to the topic. For
example, decision making may feature strongly in HIV/AIDs prevention whereas conflict
management may be more prominent in a peace education programme.

IMPARTATION OF LIFESKILLS

3
Life skills learning need not be confined to a specific age or stage in life. The idea of
understanding life skills from a lifelong learning rests upon integrating learning and living
both horizontally across family, community, study, work, leisure, and ‘life spaces’ and
vertically from birth to death.

Lifelong or in this case ‘life skills learning’ is reflected in the knowledge, experience,
wisdom, harmony and self-realization rooted in the practical affairs of ordinary men and
women. Lifelong learning is integral to a meaningful human life. Every educational
endeavour should promote learning activities that help develop life skills that are vital to
coping with the key issues of one’s life and survival, in addition to stimulating requisite
attitudes and motivations (curiosity, interest, self-starting qualities) for lifelong learning.
Basic learning needs comprise both essential learning tools (such as literacy, oral expression,
numeracy and problem solving) and basic learning content (such as knowledge, skills, values
and attitudes) required by human beings to be able to survive, to develop their full capacities,
to live and work in dignity, to participate fully in development, to improve the quality of their
lives, to make informed decisions, and to continue learning.

Researchers have shown that life skills can be systematically acquired and reinforced through
non-formal and informal learning settings. Such learning occurs in families, communities,
organisations and associations, the workplace and through the media. They focus attention on
people’s empowerment and on values and attitudes such as promoting a better understanding
between individuals, active participation and the capacity to negotiate, to live together, and to
develop critical thinking. Life skills learning need to be included in curricula and not
delivered as separate, stand-alone programmes except where conditions may require. Life
skills cannot be learned in an abstract and theoretical way. Rather it requires the individual to
subject his own experience, contexts and observations about problems to creative analysis
and evaluation, to collect, probe and discuss his experience where it happens in real life.

CATEGORIES OF LIFESKILLS

Life skills can generally be divided into three categories. Due to their evolutionally and
contextual nature, the categories do not exhaust the list of life skills. However, the categories
contain some of the most universally recognized life skills. These life skills are understood
and applied within specific contexts.

The first category of life skills is that which contains life skills that are directed towards self;
(life skills of understanding and living with self) which include;
● Self-awareness
● Self-esteem

4
 ● Managing emotions
● Time management
● Stress management
● Goal setting skills
● Self-evaluation skills

The second category is that which contains life skills directed towards others; (life skills of
understanding and living with others), which include:
● Empathy
● Effective communication
● Negotiation skills
● Conflict resolution skills
● Assertivess

Building social responsibility and life skills for effective decision making, which include;
decision making, problem solving, critical thinking and creative thinking.
Different people or books may categorize life skills differently in addition to lengthening the
above list. What matters though is that in all these categories key life skills are captured.

IMPORTANCE OF LIFESKILLS EDUCATION

BENEFITS TO INDIVIDUAL

Specifically, life skills education enables the individual to:

● Translate knowledge, attitude, skills and values into action
● Behave responsibly leading to healthy living
● Develop positive attitudes towards themselves and others
● Develop full potential
● Develop mental wellbeing
● Adopt risk free behaviour
● Communicate effectively
● Develop negotiation skills
● Improve self-perception by building self-esteem/confidence

BENEFITS TO SOCIETY

5
Life skills education adds educational, social, health cultural and economic benefits to the
society.

i) Educational benefits
● It strengthens teacher pupil relationship
● Leads to desirable behaviour change
● Improves discipline in schools
● Reduces learner problems such as truancy, absenteeism, drug and substance abuse and
teenage pregnancies.
● Helps learners to improve academic performance

ii) Social benefits

● Improves socialization process among people such as relating to others in a friendly

way
● Helps people to use their leisure time properly
● Helps people to choose good and reliable friends
● Assists people to avoid risky situations
● Enhances meaningful interaction among people

Helps in character building

Generally, practicing life skills leads to qualities such as sociability and tolerance, action
competencies and generation of change and to enhanced capability for freedom to decide
what to do and who to be.

iii) Health benefits

● Leads to prevention and control of diseases such as STIs and HIV/AIDS

● Contributes to a person’s general wellbeing (physical, mental, emotional and social)
● Facilitates less strain of health facilities
● Helps people to be responsible for their own and other people’s health.
● Practicing of lifeskills helps to change the surrounding environment making it more
conducive to health.

iv) Enhancing development and protection of human rights

6
Life skills education is designed to facilitate the practice and reinforcement of psychosocial
skills in a culturally and developmentally appropriate way.
Life skills education contributes to the promotion of personal and social development
Life skills education contributes to awareness and protection of human rights.

v) Enhancing overall success

Life skills contribute to an overall successful life and a well-functioning society, by

enhancing three key competencies which include:
● Functioning in socially heterogeneous groups
● Acting autonomously
● Using tools interactively

Life skills are instrumental to meeting important challenges in a wide spectrum of relevant
contexts, and they are relevant to all individuals, both young and old. The idea of success
here is understood as both the accomplishment of a happy working life and the creation of a
self-fulfilling life outside the world of work and wealth creation, (i.e. career and social
success).

vi) Policy and planning

Life skills programmes emphasise abilities that help to facilitate communication, negotiation,
to think critically and solve problems and make independent decisions. These developments
in the field have in fact resulted in important breakthroughs in policy and planning, especially
in non-formal education programmes for marginalised and disadvantaged youth and adults.

vii) Handling developmental and life challenges

Knowledge of life skills is very important for young people. Young people who learn life
skills early are able to handle developmental challenges as they go on with their day to day
activities. Life skills help young people have a better grasp of their future. Life skills make
young people to become more productive when they finish school and start looking for jobs
and interacting with the external world. When they plan to start a family and be autonomous,
life skills knowledge help them to achieve a smoother transition.

7
viii) Enhanced decision making and problem solving

Life skills learning need is not confined to a specific age or stage in life. Our life is a series of
decision making and problem solving. Continuous learning of life skills facilitates effective
decision making and problem solving both among the adults and youngsters.

KNOWING AND LIVING WITH ONESELF

(SELF-AWARENESS)

What is self-awareness?
Self-awareness is the basis of all life skills as the acquisition and development of other life
skills depends on how well you know yourself. Self-awareness is the awareness that you exist
as an individual being. It involves knowing and understanding yourself in terms of abilities,
cognitions, emotions, habits, strengths and weaknesses, values and position in life and
society. It also involves personality awareness (awareness of your unique way of thinking,
feeling and behaving).

Self-awareness helps you to answer these questions: Who am I? How do I relate with myself?
Where am I coming from? Where am I now? Where am I going? How can I get there? These
questions help an individual to evaluate himself/herself in terms of: physical attributes,
intellect, personal beliefs values, goals and ambitions and strengths and weaknesses.
Self-awareness is the awareness of the self as separate from the thoughts that are occurring at
any point in time. Without self-awareness the self perceives and accepts the thoughts that are
occurring to be who the self is. Self-awareness gives one the option to choose thoughts being
thought, rather than simply thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from the accumulative
events leading up to the circumstances of the moment.

Benefits of self-awareness

● It enables individuals to respond appropriately to various life situations

● It enhances interpersonal relationships
● Promotes self-acceptance and care
● It enhances achievement of personal goals
● It promotes a positive self-esteem.

8
THE BASIS OF PERSONAL IDENTITY

i) A philosophical view
According to Locke, personal identity (the self) depends on consciousness. We are the same
person to the extent that we are conscious of our past and future thoughts and actions in the
same way as we are conscious of our present thoughts and actions. If consciousness is this
"thought" which doubles all thoughts, then personal identity is only founded on the repeated
act of consciousness: This implies that personal identity consists in the identity of
consciousness. My yesterday helps me to comprehend my present and to predict my
tomorrow.

ii) A modern scientific view

In modern scientific view, self-awareness is understood through the Self-Awareness Theory.
This theory stipulates that when we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and
compare our current behaviour to our internal standards and values. We become
self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves. When we are made self-aware, we are
more likely to align our behaviour with our standards and we become negatively affected if
we don't live up to our personal standards. Self-awareness develops systematically from birth
through the life span and it is a major factor for the development of general inferential
processes.

iii) Psychological perspective

In psychology, the concept of self-awareness is used in different ways: first, it is understood
as a form of intelligence….. an understanding of one's own knowledge, attitudes, and
opinions. Second, it is understood in terms of self-efficacy (extent to which an individual
believes that he/she will achieve what he/she set out to achieve). Not everybody is aware of
their potential. General lack of self-awareness according to research, makes people record
either below or above their true potential in different areas.

SELF-CONCEPT
Self-concept is a multi-dimensional construct that refers to an individual's perception of "self"
in relation to any number of characteristics. The self-concept is composed of relatively
permanent self-assessments, such as personality attributes, knowledge of one's skills and
abilities, one's occupation and hobbies, and awareness of one's physical attributes. For
example, the statement, "I am lazy" is a self-assessment that contributes to the self-concept.
In contrast, the statement "I am tired" would not normally be considered part of someone's
self-concept, since being tired is a temporary state.

9
Our self-concepts are different. This explains why we choose different occupations, dress
differently, drive different cars etc. Our self-concept is also a developmental construct that
changes with time. Our self-concept ten years ago is different from our current self-concept.
The education, training and exposure we have gained over the years has changed the way we
look at ourselves. We may perceive ourselves as more skillful, more competent and more
classy compared to the way we were ten years ago. A change in self-concept often leads to a
change in our lifestyles…we may change our dressing patterns, careers, our make of cars,
among other such changes.

The self-concept is not restricted to the present. It includes past selves and future selves.
Future selves or "possible selves" represent individuals' ideas of what they might become,
what they would like to become, and what they are afraid of becoming. They correspond to
hopes, fears, standards, goals, and threats. Possible selves may function as incentives for
future behaviour and they also provide an evaluative and interpretive context for the current
view of self. There are three types of selves that you should be in touch with: your real self
….what you can realistically achieve (acts as a motivator); your ideal self…..the best that you
can become (acts as a motivator) and your actual self……what you have so far achieved (no
longer a motivator). You can only be in touch with these selves if you are a self-aware person.
(Are you in touch with your three selves?)

PERSONALITY AWARENESS

One is not self-aware if he/she is unaware of his/her personality. Personality is the relatively
enduring patterns of thoughts feelings and behaviour that is unique to an individual. That
people are unique is both a theological and a psychological reality. Psychological research
has established that even identical twins do not exhibit 100% similar patterns of thoughts,
feelings and behaviour. Of all the billions of people in the world, not one person’s fingerprint
is similar to that of another!

To have personality awareness therefore is to understand that we have certain enduring lines
of thoughts, certain enduring emotional dispositions and certain behavioural tendencies that
are unique to ourselves. It is to also understand our strengths and weaknesses and certain
attitudes/opinions which we constantly project. The strengths inherent in us constitute our
inherent potentials. Awareness of our potential helps us to choose areas where we can make
our best contributions in the society. It also helps to choose careers that give us fulfillment
and that give us motivation to advance. Awareness of our strengths helps us to focus on these
strengths to selfactualise. This implies that individuals who are not aware of their strengths
cannot focus on them. Consequently, they are likely to lead a mediocre lifestyle, settling just
for the ordinary.

10
Awareness of our weaknesses helps us to understand our imperfections as human beings, and
to know that there is always room to improve and become better. It is not an indication of our
incompetence as persons as some people erroneously think. Some people find it difficult to
point out negative attributes about themselves in interviews or other forums. This is often an
indication of limited self-awareness. Awareness of our weaknesses helps us to know in
advance what can negatively affect our goal achievement, interpersonal relationships and
success in other areas of life. This advance awareness helps us to be on guide through
constant self-evaluation and self-monitoring. For example, if I am aware that I am impatient
and that this can adversely affect my interpersonal relationships, I can constantly monitor my
reactions to avoid constant flare-ups.

FACTORS INFLUENCING OUR PERSONALITY

The two key factors (heredity and environment) interact to shape human personality.
Environment is the surrounding around which we are brought up. Two key environments are
social and physical environments. Social environments include the family, the school,
religious institutions, friends and peers.
The family is the most significant social environment as it constitutes the first socializing
agent for the child. The family is a vehicle through which family values and history and
culture are transmitted. Family socialization influences the growing individual to adopt a
specific world view. It is from socialization within our families that we acquire our value
systems and our dominant attitudes.
To a large extent family socialization influences our thought patterns, how we express our
emotions and our behavioural tendencies. We can thus not understand ourselves outside our
family background. Later in life, we are exposed to other socializing agents who either
reinforce attitudes and values acquired at the family level or equip us with alternative ways of
looking at the world. Physical environment too influences our personality. An individual
brought up in a harsh wore torn poverty ridden environment cannot manifest personality
attributes similar to one brought up in a safe, secure and affluent environment.

Heredity is the passing of genetic materials to offspring from its parent or ancestors. Heredity
explains why offsprings resemble their biological parents. The genetic materials that
individuals inherit give them a unique way of thinking, expressing emotions and behaving.
Various genetic materials that can be inherited include: physical disposition such as height;
personality traits such as courage or laziness; intelligence whether high, moderate or low and
various medical conditions such as albinism, blood cancer and heart conditions among others.
Scientific findings have established that heredity and environmental factors interact in
influencing personality. Thus heritable traits are subject to environmental influences and vice
versa. Thus, a choleric (heritable personality) that is discussed below, brought up in a slum
dwelling will for example tend project more the negative attributes of a choleric such as

11
being a gang leader, while a choleric brought up in a safe secure environment can easily
become an effective community leader.

INHERENT TEMPERAMENTS
INTRODUCTION
The famous Greek physician Hippocrates who lived from 460 until 377 B.C. introduced the
four inherent human temperaments or personality types. According to Hippocrates these
temperaments cannot be considered to be completely separate and distinct from each other. In
reality, most persons are a combination of two or three of these personality types, with one of
them as the dominant and another one or two as secondary traits. For example an individual
may be 70% melancholic, 10% choleric and 20% sanguine.

THE CHOLERIC (POWERFUL) PERSONALITY

STRENGTHS

Choleric are extroverts. They represent the colour red, the dominant thread of young age.
Choleric are full of youthful energy.
They like to make things happen hence they are very creative.
They are confident, hardworking and competent organizers who set high standards for
themselves.
Choleric are strong willed, quick, active, and practical and they thrive in emergencies.
They are born leaders who naturally tend to take positions of leadership may it be at the level
of group discussions or at the levels of religion, work and politics.
They have a sizzling business mind, and being ambitious, they are constantly on the lookout
for advancement opportunities.

They are risk takers who will invest lose and invest again.
Consequently, of the four temperaments, they are the most prominent wealth creators. They
are not discouraged by adversities and challenges. Rather, they tend to use negative
experiences as learning opportunities and stepping stones to success.

They are optimistic endowed with good communication skills and commendable power to
convince. Consequently, they are talented motivators and inspirers.

12
Choleric are very sensitive to social injustices and they tend to fight for the underdogs. They
are easily adaptable and flexible which makes it easy for them to blend in comfortably with
many environments.

WEAKNESSES

Being highly ambitious, choleric can easily manipulate or exploit other people to get what
they. To many choleric, the end justifies the means.
They have a know it all attitude which makes them to undermine other people and to ignore
their inputs. This tends to irritate people and to negatively affect their interpersonal
relationships.

They set very high standards which they expect everyone to meet. Consequently, they tend to
stress other people who naturally move at a slower pace.
They are impatient and poor listeners with a tendency to complete sentences for other people
and to dominate conversations.

Of the four personalities, they have the least developed emotions hence they lack empathy.
They view emotions as a sign of weakness and will therefore ignore demonstrations of
emotions such as crying. Women married to choleric men come to learn that using tears to
win the sympathy of their choleric husbands does not yield dividends!

Choleric can be workaholics with a tendency to be married to their work. They are bored by
routine and this acts as a motivator for their constant change of jobs or environments.
Because of their impatient nature, they tend to often make unwise decisions (both personal
and business) which are often very costly. They don’t forgive wrongs easily and often wait
for opportune moment to take revenge on people who have wronged them.

SANGUINE (POPULAR) PERSONALITY

STRENGTHS

Like choleric sanguine are extroverts. They are associated with colour yellow, the dominant
thread of childhood.

They are sincere, with wide-eyed curiosity, and baby heart. Like babies, they rarely keep
grudges.

13
Sanguine never seem to grow old and being beauty conscious, they always look great
physically.
Sanguine are the salt of the world. They hate gloom and sadness so they interact with the
environment to make it more lively, stimulating and fun.

They are the life of a party. They love people and people love them hence they make friends
easily and have many friends of all ages. This explains why they are called popular
personality. This explains why their best careers are people oriented careers.
Sanguine are generous both with time and money.
They think and talk very fast….and when talking they emphasize with their whole body.

They are comical and humorous hence they make good entertainers.
Sanguine are endowed with an incredible convincing power and they are always optimistic.
They are compassionate and emotional hence they cry easily especially when confronted with
the reality of human suffering.

Being nonconformists and unconventional sanguine thrive on creativity in order to neutralize

routine.
Like choleric sanguine are risk takers and very independent.

WEAKNESSES

Due to their talkative nature, sanguine waste a lot of productive time talking and socialising.
They find it difficult to prioritize hence they tend to undertake many projects at the same time
which they rarely complete because they get overwhelmed.

Sanguine tend to be personally disorganized; they mix up their things, including clothes and
personal effects. Consequently, they waste a lot of time looking for misplaced items.

Sanguine want to be the centre of interest and they can do almost anything to hold the
attention of people including exaggerating, lying, dressing ridiculously or indecently and
succumbing to negative peer activities. They tend to feel insecure when not noticed

or applauded.

14
Sanguine are attracted to the glamour and beauty of the world hence they can be materialistic.
They are also poor in making follow-ups hence they are not very reliable.

Like choleric, sanguine are poor listening who like dominating conversations and completing
sentences for others.

MELANCHOLIC (PERFECT PERSONALITY) PERSONALITY

STRENGTHS
Melancholic are introverts. They are associated with colour blue, the dominant thread of
middle age.

Of the four personalities, melancholic are the most gifted with a high Intelligence Quotient
(IQ). They are very organized and smart; always placing their items at the right place.

They are thoughtful, creative and philosophical. They are romantic and are endowed with
love for nature.
They are sensitive towards people and strive not to hurt their feelings.
Melancholic make very faithful friends because they are self-sacrificing.
They have a good memory especially for dates and figures. If you are married to a
melancholic, he will never forget your birthday like the sanguine!
They are good at diagnosis of potential risks unlike the choleric and sanguine.
They are highly curious and intellectual minded….many inventions and scientific
breakthroughs are products of melancholic.
They are observant and analytical and very good with fine details…this explains why they
love laboratory experiments.

They love their own company and rarely rely on other people to feel good about themselves.

WEAKNESSES

15
Melancholic are perfectionists who want things to be done in a given order. They can thus
waste lot of productive time in pursuit of perfection.
They fear taking risks both in business ventures hence they would rather have their money in
bank accounts rather than risk losing it.
They are suspicious of people; they thus subject people to critical analysis before they can
accept them as friends.
They lack confidence in themselves. Despite their unique talents, many choleric suffer from a
low self-esteem.
They rarely volunteer to give information unless if they are prompted. This is mostly because
they fear making mistakes.
They are easily embarrassed sometimes even on behalf of other people so they always try to
behave right.
They can be very withdrawn, rarely sharing what is going on in their lives which can lead to
high cumulative stress. Melancholic tend to focus on the negative side of life and to ruminate
on the negative experiences they have gone through. Thus they are not very great company to
be around because they are always complaining about one thing or another.

Because they are secretive and rarely share, they are prone to suicidal ideations and their
chances of committing suicide are high compared to other personalities.

PHLEGMATIC (PEACEFUL) PERSONALITY

STRENGTHS

Phlegmatic are associated with colour grey, the dominant thread of old age. Like melancholic
phlegmatic are introverts.
They have a genuine concern for other people and are always willing to help where they can.
They are likeable, friendly and easy to get along with, so they have many friends.
They are calm, collected and composed even on the face of adversity. Of all personalities,
they demonstrate the highest ability to control and conceal their emotions.
They are respectful of people and will try as much as possible not to interfere with other
people’s business, unless invited to.

They are good mediators, diplomatic and peace promoters so people generally like them.
Phlegmatic make good team players because they are not interested in personal glory like
extroverts.

16
They are Prudent and modest in their talking and dressing….as a result of this attribute,
women phlegmatic project images of ideal wives! They are sociable, friendly, understanding,
empathetic and very good listeners.
They are obedient and conforming and reliable, hence they make great employees who can
remain in one work station for a long time.

WEAKNESSES

Many phlegmatic lack self-motivation. They are often contented with too little hence they
rarely explore their potential.
They can be rigid and stubborn. This makes them not to easily accommodate new ideas.
They can be too accommodating of other people to the extent of sacrificing their personal
principles and happiness.
Because they try as much as possible not to annoy people, they can be too compromising and
people can easily take advantage of them.
They tend to be naïve and too trusting.
They lack assertiveness; that is, the ability to say no and to fight for their right. As a result,
they can easily be treated as doormats.

Phlegmatic can be very lazy. They can spend one day after another on the sofa watching TV
and daydreaming! This laziness makes them to project an image of fatigue and low energy
levels. They prefer a goalless existence.

When they set goals, they tend to set small goals for themselves that they can easily achieve
without too much exertion.

Phlegmatic can easily become dependent on other people including their friends, spouses,
religious formatters among others. This dependence makes it difficult for them to make
independent decisions.

PERSONALITY AWARENESS
One is not self-aware if he/she is unaware of his/her personality. Personality is the relatively
enduring patterns of thoughts feelings and behaviour that is unique to an individual. That
people are unique is both a theological and a psychological reality. Psychological research
has established that even identical twins do not exhibit 100% similar patterns of thoughts,

17
feelings and behaviour. Of all the billions of people in the world, not one person’s fingerprint
is similar to that of another!

To have personality awareness therefore is to understand that we have certain enduring lines
of thoughts, certain enduring emotional dispositions and certain behavioral tendencies that
are unique to ourselves. It is to also understand our strengths and weaknesses and certain
attitudes/opinions which we constantly project. The strengths inherent in us constitute our
inherent potentials. Awareness of our potential helps us to choose areas where we can make
our best contributions in the society. It also helps to choose careers that give us fulfillment
and that give us motivation to advance. Awareness of our strengths helps us to focus on these
strengths to self-actualize. This implies that individuals who are not aware of their strengths
cannot focus on them. Consequently, they are likely to lead a mediocre lifestyle, settling just
for the ordinary.

Awareness of our weaknesses helps us to understand our imperfections as human beings, and
to know that there is always room to improve and become better. It is not an indication of our
incompetence as persons as some people erroneously think. Some people find it difficult to
point out negative attributes about themselves in interviews or other forums. This is often an
indication of limited self-awareness. Awareness of our weaknesses helps us to know in
advance what can negatively affect our goal achievement, interpersonal relationships and
success in other areas of life. This advance awareness helps us to be on guide through
constant self-evaluation and self-monitoring. For example, if I am aware that I am impatient
and that this can adversely affect my interpersonal relationships, I can constantly monitor my
reactions to avoid constant flare-ups.

FACTORS INFLUENCING OUR PERSONALITY

The two key factors (heredity and environment) interact to shape human personality.
Environment is the surrounding around which we are brought up. Two key environments are
social and physical environments. Social environments include the family, the school,
religious institutions, friends and peers. The family is the most significant social environment
as it constitutes the first socializing agent for the child. The family is a vehicle through which
family values and history and culture are transmitted. Family socialization influences the
growing individual to adopt a specific world view. It is from socialization within our families
that we acquire our value systems and our dominant attitudes. To a large extent family
socialization influences our thought patterns, how we express our emotions and our
behavioral tendencies. We can thus not understand ourselves outside our family background.
Later in life, we are exposed to other socializing agents who either reinforce attitudes and
values acquired at the family level or equip us with alternative ways of looking at the world.
Physical environment too influences our personality. An individual brought up in a harsh

18
wore torn poverty ridden environment cannot manifest personality attributes similar to one
brought up in a safe, secure and affluent environment.

Heredity is the passing of genetic materials to offspring from its parent or ancestors. Heredity
explains why offspring’s resemble their biological parents. The genetic materials that
individuals inherit give them a unique way of thinking, expressing emotions and behaving.
Various genetic materials that can be inherited include: physical disposition such as height;
personality traits such as courage or laziness; intelligence whether high, moderate or low and
various medical conditions such as albinism, blood cancer and heart conditions among others.

Scientific findings have established that heredity and environmental factors interact in
influencing personality. Thus heritable traits are subject to environmental influences and vice
versa. Thus, a choleric (heritable personality) that is discussed below, brought up in a slum
dwelling will for example tend project more the negative attributes of a choleric such as
being a gang leader, while a choleric brought up in a safe secure environment can easily
become an effective community leader.

SELF ESTEEM

1.Definition of self esteem; it is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall

emotional evaluation of his or her worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude
towards one's self. It encompasses beliefs and is also known as the evaluative dimension of
self that includes feelings of worthiness, pride and discouragement. One's self esteem is also
closely associated with self-conscious.

Self esteem is an overall opinion of your self-how you honestly feel about abilities and
limitations. When you have healthy self esteem, you feel good about yourself and see your
self as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self esteem, you put little value on
your opinions and ideas. You might constantly worry that you are not good enough.

2. Signs of high self esteem

Confidence
People with high self esteem believe that they can achieve good things and contribute to their
environment and relationships.

Sense of self worth

19
A belief that you are important and deserve respect from others as well as taking good care of
self.

Positive attitude
One generally thinks in a positive way.

Good communication
They know to ask for what they want and need and also listen to others attentively.

Participation
They join in the team activities or tries out new hobbies.

Making mistakes
To them, making mistakes is okay;they try to see mistakes as an opportunity to learn.

Ambitious
They have ideas about the future and what they want to achieve.

People with high self esteem generally feel good about their ability to participate, confident
in social settings and are happy with the way they are.

3. Signs of low self esteem

Insecure
People with low self esteem don't feel important and think people do not like them.
Shy
They find it difficult to talk to people in social settings. Sometimes they may find it hard to
make direct eye contact with others.

Over sensitive
They feel people are always criticizing them, say things or look at them in a certain way.
They feel they cannot do anything right.

20
Anxious
They tend to worry about alot of things and feel anxious most of the time.

Untrusting
They dont trust easily, they always think people will cheat them.

Lack confidence
They feel they are not good at anything and know that other people think that too.

Negative attitude
They tend to see a glass half empty rather than full.

Self critical
They never seem to like anything about themselves ie the way they look, talk or behave.

Unhappy
Not happy about what they do, in relationships or their future.

Hopeless
They feel pretty hopeless at just about anything.

Lonely.
Fear.
People with low self esteem can be very critical of themselves: viewing themselves in a
negative way, feeling other people don't think highly of them and that they are not very good
at things such as school or transport or interacting with friends and peers.
4. Importance of self esteem.

Every individual needs to have self esteem, quite simply because it affects every aspect of
one's life. Having a good self esteem is essential because;

21
 ● It helps you feel good about yourself and everything you do.
● It translates into belief in yourself, giving you the courage to try new things.
● It allows you to respect and honor yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when
you respect yourself, others will respect you too.
● When you have a good self esteem, you will know that you are smart enough to make
your own decisions.
When you honor yourself, you will make choices that nourish mind and body.
You will value your safety, your feelings and health. Therefore you will choose to make
healthier eating habits, exercising or taking time off to do something you like without feeling
quilty about not doing something for somebody else.

5.Factors that enhance high and low self esteem

Self esteem begins to form in early childhood. Factors that can influence self esteem include;
● Your own thoughts and perceptions.
● How other people react to you.
● Experiences at school, work and in the community.
● Illness, disability or injury.
● Culture.
● Religion.
● Role and status in the society.
● Relationships with those close to you etc.
● Effects of low self esteem.

Missed career opportunities.

People with low self esteem are a fraid of taking risks and failing. Even a small failure has a
small negative echo, given the mind set these individuals have. This means that they will
dodge opportunities and they won't take initiative in their career due to this tendency to stick
to what is easy and safe. Individuals with esteem problems will make little progress. They
may complain how their career is not going anywhere and this is entirely their fault.

Poor health
Consciously or not, people with low self esteem do not see themselves as worthy of taking
care of. Their health and physical state is not emotionally important to them. They are so
busy pleasing everybody else so they won't get rejected.

Poor social life

22
It is common for individuals with low self esteem to spend most of their time alone. They
tend to have a very small social circle usually with the same people in it since high school or
college. The interactions they have with other people are usually brief, predictable and
infrequent. They will have much longer interaction with a video game or other activities than
actual human beings.

Shallow relationships
The relationship people with low self esteem have are typically very shallow. Due to their
extremely negative self view, they tend to be very quiet and reserved as well. They find it
hard to connect with others in a deep and intimate way because they do not put themselves
out there.

Sex problems
These problems can vary from lack of sexual arousal in women to addiction to porn or
premature ejaculation in the case of men. These individuals are very insecure, therefore their
sexual behavior and impulses get messed up. Ironically, they may end up seeking for issues in
their sex life not knowing that there is a deeper self image problem that needs to be handled.

STRESS MANAGEMENT
Definition of stress; stress is a person's response to a stressor such as an environmental
condition or stimulus.
Stress is a body's way to react to a challenge.
Or stress is simply a reaction to a stimulus that disturbs our physical or mental equilibrium. In
other words it is an omnipresent part of life.

Definition of stress management; this is a set of techniques and programmes intended to help
people deal more effectively with stress in their lives by analyzing the specific stressors and
taking positive actions to minimize their effects.

Causes of stress
● Work related
● Heavy workloads.
● Short deadlines.
● Being unhappy with your job.
● Conflict with your co-workers.

23
 ● Working under dangerous conditions. Etc.
● Environmental
● Noise.
● Smell.
● Pollution etc.
● Life stressors
● Death of a loved one.
● Divorce/separation.
● Loss of job.
● Chronic illness.
● Emotional problems eg taking care of a sick member of the family.
● Traumatic events eg natural disaster such as rape, violence against you or a loved one
etc

Symptoms of stress
● Physical
● Aches and pains.
● Diarrhea or constipation.
● Nausea and dizziness.
● Chest pain and rapid heartbeat.
● Loss of sex drive.
● Frequent colds.
● Cognitive.
● Memory problems.
● Inability to concentrate.
● Poor judgment.
● Seeing only the negative.
● Anxiety or racing thoughts.
● Constant worrying.
● Emotional.
● Moodiness,.
● Irritability.
● Short temper.
● Agitation.
● Feeling overwhelmed.
● Sense of loneliness and isolation.
● Depression or general unhappiness.
● Behavioral
● Change in eating and sleep patterns.
● Isolating ones self from others.
● Procrastinating or negleting responsibility.
● Using alcohol or drugs to relax.
● Nervous habits eg nail biting.

24
Effects of stress; long term unmanaged stress has been linked to the development of
psychological and physical illnesses such as;
● Serious depression.
● Anxiety.
● Eating disorders.
● Stomach ulcers.
● Irritable bowel syndrome.
● Chronic migraine.
● Blood pressure issues.
● Heart problems.
● Hair loss.
● Aging and obesity.
● Alcohol and drug abuse etc.
● Coping with stress/stress management

People can learn to manage stress and lead happier and healthier lives. Following are some of
the tips to help you keep stress away;

● Eat healthy well balanced meals.

● Exercise on a regular basis.
● Accept that there are events you cannot control.
● Identify the source of stress and try to deal with it.
● Seek counseling with a trained therapist or psychologist.
● Make time for hobbies, interests and relaxation.
● Get enough rest and sleep, your body needs time to recover from stressful event.
● Set limits appropriately and learn to say not to requests that would create excessive
stress in your life.
● Avoid alcohol and drug use and other compulsive behaviors to reduce stress. They can
create additional problems and increase the level of stress you already have.
● Seek out social support ie talk to someone you trust for a problem shared is half
solved.
Forms of positive stress

Positive stress is also called eustress. Clinical psychiatrist Dr Michael Genoverse says we
rarely think of stress as positive thing, but eustress is just that positive stress. Exciting or
stressful events cause a chemical response in the body. Eustress helps us stay motivated, work
toward goals and feel good about it.

Examples of positive stress

25
Receiving promotion.
Getting married.
Buying a new home.
Having a baby.
Preparing for exam etc.

Eustress or positive stress has emotional and physical health benefits. It differs from distress
(negative stress) with the following characteristics;
It energizes and motivates.
Only lasts in the short term.
It is perceived as something with coping ability.
It feels exciting, increases focus and performance.

EMOTIONS
WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
Emotions are strong inborn feelings in response to situations, issues and needs. Examples of
emotions include anger, hatred, joy, fear shyness, sadness, frustration, guilt, jealousy,
self-doubt and love among others. Emotions are subjective and impulsive. This means that
they are devoid of logical reasoning and can be unpredictable.

COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONS
Emotions have cognitive, emotional and behavioural components. This implies that we think
in a given way regarding a certain person/event, develop either positive or negative emotions
depending on our thought process and behave in a given manner depending on how we are
feeling. If I think for example that Bukusu people are backward, I may automatically develop
a general dislike for the Bukusu tribe. This implies that inherent in an emotion is the
cognitive and the behavioural component.
Emotions are neither good nor bad. In a normal day we experience various forms of emotions
both positive and negative. In the morning for example we may wake up with a feeling of
exhilaration; in the course of the day however, our beautiful dog may die and we become sad.
Since we are emotional creatures who are always experiencing different forms of emotions,
awareness of our emotions and ability to manage these emotions is a very significant lifeskill.

SOCIALSIATION AND EMOTIONS

26
How we express and manage our emotions is mostly determined by socialization process at
the family and cultural levels. The western Kenyan tribes are for example known for their
extremely overt ways of expressing and dealing with emotions. The eastern and central tribes
on the other hand express and deal with their emotions in a quiet manner. In most African
communities, men were not expected to express emotions overtly like women. All this is at
the level of culture. How we are socialized to express and deal with our emotions as we are
growing up will also significantly influence our ability to deal with our emotions as adults.
Children for example who were allowed to use certain emotions such as anger as a tool for
blackmail may continue to manifest ineffective emotional management tendencies in their
adult life. The nature of education that we may receive regarding emotions will also influence
how we deal with and manage our emotions.

PERSONALITY AND EMOTIONS

We have covered inherent temperaments under the topic of self-awareness. Different
personalities express emotions differently. Extroverts (choleric and sanguine), are more overt
in their expression of emotions. They find it difficult to hold back their emotions and they
tend to verbalise what they are feeling more. They are not very good at emotional self-control
and they may hurt other people and destroy interpersonal relationships as a result. The
advantage of their overt expression of emotions is that they get psychological and physical
relief because they don’t ruminate over the episodes evoking these negative feelings once
they have been able to express them. The introverts however need to learn emotional
intelligence so that they can still express their emotions but without hurting other people. The
introverts on the other hand (melancholic and phlegmatic) have emotional self-control.
Because they dislike attracting attention to themselves, they tend to hold back their emotions.
The problem is that once they suppress negative emotions, they will keep ruminating over
them. While it may endear them to other people, it can lead to psychological and physical
sicknesses. The introverts thus need to be more assertive in order to learn to communicate
what they feel. This will enhance their physical and psychological wellbeing.
MANAGING EMOTIONS
Ability to manage emotions is referred to as emotional intelligence. What is Emotional
Intelligence?” Emotional intelligence (EI) describes the ability to identify, assess, manage
and control the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. For effective management of
our emotions and for the ability to respond appropriately to the emotions of others, we require
emotional intelligence. According to Goleman, we are born with a general emotional
intelligence that determines our potential for learning emotional competencies. Emotional
competencies thus are learned capabilities that must be worked on and can be developed to
achieve outstanding performance. EI is important for all of us as. The ability to understand
one's own feelings and the feelings of others as well as being able to control one's own
emotions and exercise self-control, has been found to be very significance for success in all
aspects of life.

COPING WITH EMOTIONS

27
Ability to cope effectively with our emotions is a very important life-skill for each one of us.
This can be achieved by adopting the following coping behaviour:

i) As much as possible, let rationality take control of the situation………Use your

head (cognitive domain) in order to be able to look at the situation more objectively.
ii) Keep calm in words and actions.The temptation is to shout, curse and throw
tantrums. Keep calm by taking a deep breath and counting up to ten or more. Calmness will
help you to abstain from saying things you may later regret.
iii) Accept reality of the situation.What is the reality on the ground? Is it the death
of a loved one? Loss of money in an investment deal gone sour? Loss of a relationship you
have invested heavily on emotionally and materially? Accept that this has happened.
Prolonged denial will only prolong the negative emotion and hinder you from moving on.
iv) Think through the possible outcomes of a situation and take alternative lines of
action in good time
v) Carry on with your duties even though there is an upsetting event
vi) Seek or accept suitable advice or assistance
vii) Recover quickly from a sad event..In order to resume normal duties, it is
important to recover quickly from a negative emotional moment. Prolonging a negative
emotional moment interferes with our interpersonal relationships in addition to lowering our
general output.

EMPATHY
Definition of empathy
Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions and direct experience of
others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the
suffering of others. Both words have similar usage but differ in their emotional meaning.

Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their

perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is
known to create prosocial (helping) behavior.
Types of empathy
Cognitive empathy
This is the ability to understand and predict the feelings and thoughts of others by imagining
one's self in their situation.

Emotional empathy

28
This is the ability to actually feel what another person feels or at least feel emotions similar to
theirs. In emotional empathy, there is always some level of shared feelings.

Compassionate empathy
Driven by their deep understanding of the other person's feelings based on shared
experiences. Compassionate empathetic people make actual efforts to help.

Importance of empathy

● Empathy allows us to connect with each other and to understand and share in our
humanity.
● It gives us common ground to allow each other to be ttuly heard and listened to.
● It allows us a space to experience some of the emotions and feelings of what it takes
to be someone else.
● Empathy allows tolerance to grow and we can deepen our understanding and
acceptance of others.
● Empathy allows us to focus on how we are similar and we can connect and help each
other.
● It helps us understand how others are feeling so we can respond appropriately to
situations.
●
Difference between empathy and sympathy

Sympathy is feeling and expression of concern for someone, often accompanied by a wish for
them to be happier or better. Example " I hope you get better soon".

In general, sympathy implies a deeper and more personal level of concern than pity which is
a simple expression of sorrow. However, unlike empathy, sympathy does not imply that one's
feelings for another are based on shared experiences or emotions.

Empathy is the ability to recognize and share another person's emotions. Empathy requires
the ability to recognize the suffering of another person from their point of view and to openly
share their emotions including painful distress.

Situations requiring empathy

Drug and alcohol addicts.
Patients with terminal illnesses.

29
Trauma survivors eg accidents.
People living with disability.
Death of a loved one.
When a relationship breaks up.
When one loses a job etc
How to show empathy

Being loving, caring, kind and understanding.

Being available for the person.
Consoling the person who is hurting.
Encouraging the person who is hurting to express pain, emotions and feelings without fear.
Being able to listen to the person actively without judging him/her.
Being confidential.
Assisting when possible in order to reduce the pain.

ASSERTIVENESS
This is a form of communication in which needs or wishes are stated clearly with respect for
oneself and the other person in the interaction.
Assertiveness is the expression of one's feelings, beliefs, opinions and needs in a direct,
honest and appropriate manner. Such assertive behavior will reflect a high regard for one's
own personal rights as well as the rights of others.

Assertive behavior enables a person to act in his own best interests, to stand up for himself
without undue anxiety, to express his honest feelings comfortably, or to exercise his own
rights without denying the rights of others.

CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE PERSON

Direct, open, respectful and confident communicator.
Respect for own and others rights.
Ability to say 'no' and establish boundaries.
Effective listener.

30
Does not play favorites, does what is right.
Situations to be assertive;

Bullying.
Peer pressure.
Harassment.
Harmful cultural practices.
Abuse eg physical, emotional, psychological, sexual etc.
IMPORTANCE OF BEING ASSERTIVE

It helps you to gain self confidence and self esteem.

It helps you to improve communication.
Understand and recognize your feelings.
It increases honest relationships.
Creates win win situations.
It helps you to have the ability to overcome negative thoughts.
When you are assertive, you earn respect from others.
Not being assertive may cause depression and anxiety.
Assertiveness reduces stress.
You become a better listener.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ASSERTIVENESS AND AGGRESSIVENESS

In every situation, you have three choices as to how you should behave, assertive, non
assertive (passive) and aggressive. Although assertive behavior can be one of the healthiest
methods to maintain personal self-esteem and foster healthy relationships with others, it may
not always be the best choice. Certain situations, particularly those that are threatening to
personal or emotional safety may demand non-, assertive or aggressive behavior.

Assertiveness; this is when you express your feelings, needs, ideas and rights in ways that
don't violate the rights of others. Assertive person is usually honest, direct, expressive,
spontaneous and self-enhancing
Aggressiveness; this is when you express your feelings, needs and ideas at the expense of
others. Aggressive persons stand up for their rights, but ignore the rights of others; they may

31
dominate or humiliate other people. While this behavior is expressive, it is also defensive,
hostile and self-defeating.

Non assertive (passive) ; this is when you express feelings, needs and ideas ; ignoring
personal rights and allowing others to infringe upon you. Non-assertive person is usually
emotionally dishonest, indirect, and self-denying. They always let other people choose for
them and they end up feeling disappointed and angry at themselves. At best, they can be
described as passive and at worst, as door mats. People often choose non-assertive behavior
to avoid unpleasant situations, tension, conflict and confrontation.
NB: Assertiveness is a communication style, combining a repertoire of skills which can be
learned as opposed to a personality trait that you are lacking.

NEGOTIATION
Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an
understanding, resolve point of difference or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to
produce an agreement upon courses of actions, to bargain for individual or collective
advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/partners involved in
negotiation process.

Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantaging
argument if any for themselves by the end of the process.

Negotiation is a process by which people settle differences, compromise and agreement is

reached while avoiding any disagreement, individuals understandably aim to achieve the best
possible outcome for their position ot perhaps an organization they represent. However, the
principle of fairness, seeking mutual benefits and maintaining relationship are key to
successful outcome.

THE IMPORTANCE OF NEGOTIATION

It is inevitable that from time to time, conflict and disagreement will rise as the differing
needs, wants, aims and beliefs of people are brought together without negotiation, such
conflict may lead to arguments and resentment resulting in one or all of the parties feeling
dissatisfied. The point of negotiation is to try to reach agreement without causing future
barriers to communications.

32
SITUATIONS THAT REQUIRE NEGOTIATION
International affairs.
Legal systems.
Industrial disputes.
Interpersonal conflicts.
Domestic relationships eg dowry payments.
Risky situations eg kidnaps.
Business transactions etc.

NEGOTIATING TECHNIQUES
Show empathy.
This is an attempt to understand, be aware of and sensitive to feelings, thoughts, experiences,
needs, interests and priorities of your counterpart. Empathy builds rapport, encourages
information sharing, establishes mutual respect and moves the negotiation forward in a
positive direction.

Patience and persistence

Patience means not being rushed into decision because other party is looking for a resolution.
Advantage always goes to the patient negotiator who persistently pursues creative win/win
solutions. Negotiation is a complex process that takes time and impatient negotiators who
lack persistent always leave potential results on the table and make costly mistakes.

Listening
Listen actively and resist common urge to think about what you are going to say next while
your counterpart is talking, instead, listen carefully then paraphrase what you believe he said
to check your understanding. If you don't listen to others, they would obviously not respond
to you.
Rapport building
It is always recommended to engage in small talk at the start of a negotiation, doing so can
bring real benefits. You and your partner may be more collaborative and likely to reach an
agreement if you spend just a few minutes trying to get to know each other well.

Confidence

33
Be confident enough for effective negotiation, you might need something but never show
your desperation to anyone, they will take undue advantage of your helplessness. Take care of
your facial expressions and never be nervous infront of the second party.

Assertiveness
This is being able to express feelings, wishes, wants and desires appropriately and it is an
important Interpersonal skill. During negotiation, assertiveness can help you to express
yourself in a clear, open and reasonable way without undermining your own or other's rights.

Be aware of your emotions

When you feel angry, frustrated, embarrassed, defensive or just plain upset because of the
effects of your counterpart's beliefs, attitudes or behaviors are having on negotiation, try to
respond intelligently and calmly. If you react emotionally, the consequences tend not to be in
your best interests and usually make a bad situation worse. Therefore be emotionally stable.

Flexibility
Successful negotiators show their flexibility by proposing creative ways to satisfy the
interests of both sides at the lowest cost to one another. As the negotiation unfolds, you must
be both flexible and adaptable in order to effectively tolerate conflict and stress.

STAGES OF NEGOTIATION

The process of negotiation includes the following;

Preparation; make a decision as to where and when a meeting will take place to discuss the
problem and who will attend.
Discussion; during this stage, individuals or members of each side put forward the case as
they see it ie their understanding of the situation. It is extremely important to listen as when
disagreement takes place. It is easy to make the mistake of saying too much and listening too
little. Each side should have sn equal opportunity to present their case.
Clarifying goals; this takes place from the discussion, goals, interests and point of view where
both sides of the disagreement need to be clarified. It is important to list these in order of
priority. Through the clarification, it is often possible to identify or establish common
grounds.
Negotiation for a win/win outcome; this stage focuses on what is termed a win/win outcome
where both sides feel they gained something positive through the process of negotiation and
both sides feel their points of view have been taken into consideration. A win/win outcome is

34
usually the best outcome however, it may not always be possible but through negotiation, it
should be the ultimate goal.
Agreement; agreement can be achieved once understanding of both sides view points and
interest has been considered. It is essential to keep an open mind to achieve a solution. Any
agreement needs to be made perfectly clear so that both sides know what has been decided.
Implementation of a cause of action; from the agreement, cause of action has to be
implemented to carry through the decision. If the process of negotiation breaks down and
agreement cannot be reached, the scheduling or a further meeting is called for.

NON-VIOLENT CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict; this is a disagreement through which two parties involved perceive a threat to there
needs, interests and concerns.
Conflict resolution; it is a process aimed at eliminating sources of conflict.
Non-violent conflict resolution; this is a method of dealing with conflicts for a peaceful
co-existence.

CAUSES OF CONFLICT
Individual difference.
In society, people are not a like in their nature, attitudes, ideas, interests and aspirations. Due
to this difference, they fail to accommodate themselves which may lead to conflict among
them.

Cultural difference.
Culture is the way of life of a group. It differs from society to society. The culture of one
group differs from the culture of the other group. These cultural differences among the group
sometimes cause tension and lead to conflict.

Clashes of interests.
The clash of interest of different people makes conflict inevitable. For example the interests
of the of the workers clash with tthose of employer lead to conflict among them.

Social change.
Conflict also arises due to the difference between rates of social change. The change in the
moral norms of a society man's hopes, aspirations and demands leads to conflict. The conflict

35
between the old and the the new generations is owing to social changes is an expression of
social disequilibrium.

CONSEQUENCES OF CONFLICT
Change
Conflict accelerates change in an organization, especially in small businesses where it is easy
to formulate and implement new policies and operation procedures in the organization. In
case of extreme conflict, the organization may conduct a complete overhaul of its leadership,
bringing in managers with fresh ideas.

Goal congruence
A review of the goals and objectives of the business to meet the needs of conflicting parties
may result into achievement of goal congruence and coherence in operations. Employees,
departments and groups are interdependent within the organization. Competition for the
scarce resources is a major source of conflict due to different interests. Conflict forces the
organization leadership to realign its objectives towards common goals in order to foster
teamwork amongst competing parties.
Innovation
Conflicts that results into healthy competition cultivates innovation and inventiveness
amongst employees. In times of conflict, there is a high sense of necessity that results into the
emergence of divergent view points amongst employees. It is imperative among the
employees to develop new strategies and ways of conducting business in order to keep up
with internal competition from their colleagues.

Sub-Optimization
In instances where conflicting parties engage in extreme disappointment, Sub-optimization
may result when conflicting parties push the pursuit of their own interest excessively, the
organization goals end up compromised. Instead of working together to achieve the
organization:s goals, conflicting parties engage in needless feuds that result in superiority
contests. Distortion of goals occurs as parties embark on undermining each othet effort.

Waste of time and resources

The business may lose precious time and resources at times of conflict. Instead of
concentrating on meeting their objectives, employees waste time on divisive issues. Misuse
of business materials and funds is quite rampant when conflicting parties engage in
"warfare". Wrangles, stress and emotional confrontations reduce workers productivity and
eventually, the profitability of the business.

36
Other consequences of conflict:

Loss of life.
Disruption of social order.
Poor relationships/animosity.
Destruction of properties.
Stress and depression.
Socio-political instability. Etc.
Assignment: Identify skills necessary for conflict management.

EFFECTIVE DECISION MAKING

Decision; decision is a choice made between alternative courses of actions in a situation of

uncertainty. Decision making is the thought process of selecting a logical choice from the
available options.
Decision making can be regarded as the cognitive process resulting in the selection of a
course of action among several alternative scenarios. Every decision making process
produces a final choice. The output can be an action or an opinion of choice.
When trying to make a good decision, a person must weigh the positives and negatives of
each option, and consider all the alternatives. For effective decision making, a person must be
able to forecast the outcome of each option as well, and based on all these items, determine
which option is the best for that particular situation.
SITUATIONS THAT REQUIRE DECISION MAKING

Drug and substance use and abuse.

Delinquency.
Violent behaviors/criminal behaviors.
Irresponsible sexual relationships.
Decision making for careers.
Personal health.
Choice of religion.
Peer pressure.

37
Use of leisure time.
Choices of friends
Unhealthy cultural practices eg FGM etc.
CHALLENGES FACED BY YOUTH IN DECISION MAKING

Not being assertive.

Lack of economic empowerment.
Level of education.
Lack of support from family and society.
Cultural issues.
Gender issues.
Government policies.
Lack of information.
Having developed negative attitude etc.

PROBLEM SOLVING
In psychology, problem solving refers to a state of desire for reaching a definite goal from a
present condition to that either is not directly moving toward the goal, is far from it, or needs
more complex logic for finding a missing description of conditions or steps toward the goal.

Problem solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving
problems. The ultimate goal of problem solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution
that best resolves the issue.

Causes of problems.

Rivalry.
Loneliness.
Lack of education.
Leadership wrangles.
Poverty.
Lack of knowledge.

38
Lack of understanding.
Ignorance etc.
PROBLEM AREAS REQUIRING SOLUTIONS

Addiction (eg alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography etc).

Family and relationship issues.
Emotional problems eg anger management.
Sleeping disorders eg insomnia, sleep apnea etc.
Financial problems.
Unemployment.
Grief and Bereavement issues.
Health issues eg changing eating patterns, exercising regularly and regular medical check
ups.
Caring for the elderly and the sick.
Abuse eg physical, emotional, sexual, psychological etc.
Unhealthy cultural practices eg wife inheritance. Etc.
METHODS OF SOLVING PROBLEMS

Problem solving methods are the steps we use to find so to solve problems and issues.
Humans are naturally quite good at problem solving and we often use sophisticated methods
that we don't even know we are using to try to get to the answer.

Learning about those methods will enable you to recognize the approaches you already use to
identify other approaches that could be useful for you. Then you will have several tools to
help you strategize solutions to difficult problems.

Trial and error.

Trial and error is a way of solving problems through repeated attempts trying something
different every time until you are successful. Although this approach sounds random,
problem solving through trial and error is efficient only where you can base your attempts on
some prior knowledge and information.

Difference Reduction.

39
Requires you to break down a large task into smaller steps. The first thing you do is ask
yourself what step will take you from where you are to as close as possible to the final goal.
You take that step and repeat the process until you finally reach the goal.

Means-end analysis
You compare your current situation and the situation you want to arrive at, identify the most
significant difference between those two situations and then create the sub-goal to remove the
difference.

PROBLEM SOLVING PROCESS

Identifying the problem.

While it may seem like an obvious step, identifying the problem is not always as simple as it
sounds. In some cases, people might mistakenly identify the wrong source of a problem
which will make attempts to solve it useless.

Defining the problem.

After the problem has been identified, it is important to fully define the problem so that it can
be solved.

Forming a strategy.
The next step is to develop a strategy to solve the problem. The approach used will vary
depending upon the situation and the individual's unique preferences

Organizing information.
Before coming up with a solution, we need to first organize the available information ie what
do we know about the problem? What don't we know? The more information that is
available, the better prepared we will be to come up with an accurate solution.

Allocating resources.
Before you begin to solve a problem, you need to determine how high priority it is. If it is an
important problem, it is probably worth allocating more resources to solving it. If, however, it
is unimportant problem, then you do not want to put too much of your available resources
into coming up with solution.

40
Monitoring progress.
Effective problem solvers tend to monitor their progress as they work towards a solution. If
they are not making good progress toward reaching their goal, they will evaluate their
approach or look for new strategies.

Evaluating the results.

After a solution has been reached, it is important to evaluate the results to determine if it is
the best possible solution to the problem. This evaluation might be immediate, such as
checking the results of math problem to ensure the answer is correct, or it can be delayed,
such as evaluating the success of a therapy program after several months of treatment.

TIME MANAGEMENT

Time management is the act or process of planning and exercising conscious control of the
amount of time spent on specific activities, especially to increase effectiveness, efficiency or
productivity. Time management may be aided by a range of skills, tools and techniques used
to manage time when accomplishing specific tasks, projects and goals complying with a due
date.

WORK SCHEDULE

It is the time frame that an employee works during a certain course of time. Schedules can
fluctuate, rotate or remain constant throughout the course of the year.

An employee's work schedule may be a set number of days and hours. For example, a
schedule could be Monday - Friday, from 9am to 5pm or Wednesday - Sunday, from 4pm-
Midnight. Other work schedules are flexible and may vary from week to week or day to day.
Both the hours worked each day and the days worked each week can vary.

Time management chart.

This is a chart that is used to list all your tasks in different time span. They enable you to see
all your tasks on one page in different time rages; monthly, weekly and daily. A good use of
this chart is to create a monthly time management chart.

41
Use it every week as a base for creating a weekly time management chart and every day
make daily time management chart.

IMPORTANCE OF TIME MANAGEMENT

Time management is of great importance to your personal life and career success. It teaches
you how to manage your time effectively and make the most of it.

Here are a few of the reasons why it is so important, and how it can help you use and manage
your time more advantageously:

1., Time is a special resource that you cannot store for later use. Everyone has the exact same
amount of time each day. Time not well used cannot be retrieved.
2. Most people feel like they have too much to do and not enough time. They blame lack of
time for their poor finances, unachieved goals, stress, bad relationships and not exercising
their body. Wise time management can help you to find the time for what you desire to do or
need to do.
3. You need time to get what you want out of life. Waiting for more free time to appear is
losing the game of life. Through time management, you can "create" the time you need, and
not just wait for it to come. By planning your time wisely, you will have more time to do
more things.
4. Time management will help you set up priorities.
5. Time is limited to 24 hours a day, so plan your life wisely.
6. Time management helps you make conscious choices, so you can spend more of your time
doing things that are important and valuable to you.
7. You can learn to find the time for the things that are important to you. Even a small amount
of time once a day, or even once a week, will take you closer to your goals, and you will be
surprised at the progress you make.

8. You become more productive using improved time management skills and tools, and can
accomplish more with less effort and time. Time management can help you reduce wasted
time and energy, help you become more creative and productive, and enable you to do the
right thing at the right time. This will of course lead to more balance and fulfillment in your
life.
9. Life today presents so many distractions that is so easy to lose time on important activities.
For example, watching TV programs, reading gossip or participating in some activities may
not add anything to your life.

42
10. Life puts infront of everyone so many choices each day, and the question is, do you
follow what appears on your way or do you consciously choose what you want to do? Do you
allow external distractions deter you from your goal, or do you use willpower and self
discipline to walk toward your goal in a straight line, without wasting time and energy?
11., Some inner detachment and inner peace is of great help in managing your time
effectively. If you avoid spending too much emotional and mental energy on what people say
and think about you, and if you stay calm in spite of distractions or difficulties, you can save
a lot of time and energy which you can spend on better and more rewarding activities.

TIME WASTERS

These are all things that are not essential to your core tasks. They can be caused either by you
or others.
Time wasters caused by others include;
Unexpected visitors.
Interruption by telephone calls from friends and family who want to chat.
Unnecessary unproductive meetings etc.
Time wasters caused by you include;

Disorganization eg misplacing an important document.

Procrastination-leaving your tadk till the very last minute. (postponing your task).
Inability to say no-feeling uneasy to say no because it feels like letting others down.
Lack of interest-not doing your work because you are not interested in it.
Watching programs or reading things that are not helpful to you.
Spending too much time on your phone/internet etc.
Oversleeping..
Poor time management.
Spending time thinking about things that do not add value to your life.

DEFINITION OF DRUGS

Drug abuse is Compulsive, excessive, and self-damaging use of habit forming drugs or
substances, leading to addiction or dependence, serious physiological injury (such as damage

43
to kidneys, liver, heart) and/or psychological harm (such as dysfunctional behavior patterns,
hallucinations, memory loss), or death. (Also called substance abuse).

Drug addiction is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease that causes compulsive drug
seeking and use, despite harmful consequences to the drug addict and those around.

COMMONLY ABUSED DRUGS

1. Cannabinoids eg Hashish, Marijuana etc (locally known as grass, weed, Ndom).

2. Depressants eg Alcohol (taken in liquid form).
3. Inhalants eg glue, sprays and paint thinner (inhaled or sniffed).
4. Opioid and narcotic pain relievers eg heroin (injected, snorted or smoked).
5. Stimulants eg cocaine (injected, smoked or sniffed).
6. Hallucinogens eg mescaline (chewed, swallowed).

CAUSES OF DRUGS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

The following risk factors increase the chance for developing a problem with alcohol or
substance abuse:

Family member with an alcohol problem (family history)

Male gender
Living alone
Single status (separated or divorced)
Health issues, including depression or other chronic mental health problems
Substance use in early life.
Sleep problems eg insomnia.
Life stresses (eg financial difficulties, retirement, loss of a spouse or family member, moving
to a new home, new illness).
Being in the hospital.
Living in a long-term care facility.
Long-term tobacco habit.

44
Misunderstanding by older people about how to take their medication.
Over-prescription of mood drugs (especially for older women).
Inability to deal with side effects of a medication.
Boredom/loneliness.
Having role models who abuse drugs.
Families where drinking alcohol is part of their life.-

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF DRUG AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Drug and alcohol addiction typically starts off as recreational, whereby the individual drinks
and/or uses in a social setting. The disease is progressive, which means that as time passes, he
or she will exhibit a higher tolerance, frequently engage in the behavior and experience
intense cravings and withdrawal symptoms. Below is a list of the common signs of addiction.
If you or someone you love is struggling with substance use disorder, get help now.

Physical Signs of Addiction

Over-active or under-active (depending on the drug).
Repetitive speech patterns.
Dilated pupils, red eyes.
Excessive sniffing and runny nose (not attributable to a cold).
Looking pale or undernourished.
Clothes do not fit the same.
Weight loss.
Change in eating habits.
Unusual odors or body odor due to lack of personal hygiene.
Behavioral Signs of Addiction
Missing work/school.
Work/school problems.
Missing important engagements.
Isolating/secretive about activities.
Disrupted sleep patterns.
Legal problems.

45
Relationship/marital problems.
Financial problems (e.g. always needing money).
Conversations dominated by using or drug/alcohol related topics.
Emotional Signs of Addiction
Irritability/Argumentative.
Defensiveness.
Inability to deal with stress.
Loss of interest in activities/people that used to be part of their lives.
Confused easily.
Denial.
Rationalizing – Offering alibis, excuses, justifications, or other explanations for their using
behavior.
Minimization – Admitting superficially to the problem but not admitting to the seriousness or
full scope of the behavior or consequences.
Blaming – Placing the blame for the behavior on someone else or some event.
Diversion – Changing the subject to avoid discussing the topic.
Three Cs of Addiction
Loss of control over the amount and frequency of use.
Craving and compulsive using.
Continued use in the face of adverse consequences.
EFFECTS OF DRUGS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Psychological effects.
Anxiety.
Depression.
Stress.
Hallucinations and delusions.
Memory loss.
Confusion.
Paranoia.
Behavioral.

46
Disruptive social behaviors eg crime,immorality, stealing, unprotected sex etc.
Vegetative symptoms eg change in sleeping and eating patterns.
Physical;

Lack of personal hygiene.

Health related challenges eg liver cirrhosis, Tuberculosis etc.
Sexual impotence.
Tremors.
Damage to blood vessels in the brain producing stroke.
Blood shot eyes.
Death.
Emotional;

Irritabilty.
Moodiness.
Euphoria.
Social;

Relationship issues eg divorce and separation.

Work related issues.
Family issues.

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DRUG AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND HIV AND

AIDS

There are many drugs that people use or abuse recreationally. Some are legal, others illegal.
The most common one is alcohol (in beer, wine, or liquor). Others include marijuana (pot),
cocaine (including crack), heroin, amphetamines (speed), and ecstasy. Drugs can increase
someone's risk of getting HIV and can cause special problems for people who are already
HIV infected.

47
Role of drugs in HIV transmission
Alcohol and drugs can alter people's judgment. They may take risks that might
expose them to HIV that they would not take when sober.
Sharing needles to inject drugs (such as heroin, speed, or anabolic steroids) is
VERY dangerous and can easily spread HIV (and other serious diseases) from one person to
another.
Some people who are addicted to drugs may trade sex for drugs or money to
get more drugs. This may put them at greater risk of HIV, especially if they do not always
practice safe sex.

Drugs and people with HIV

Some drugs can harm the body's immune system, which fights infections. This
is especially dangerous for people with HIV. Using needles to take drugs may also expose
people with HIV to harmful bacteria or viruses, which can also make them very sick.

People who are addicted to drugs or alcohol are often malnourished. Poor
nutrition can be a serious problem for people with HIV, and may make them become sick
faster.

Alcohol and other drugs can have dangerous interactions with the medicines
that people with HIV take to stay well.

Drug use can disrupt people's lives. When this happens to people with HIV,
they may forget to take their medications, see their health care provider, or take other steps to
stay well.

CHILD LABOUR
Child labor is a complex and sensitive issue that involves children engaged in work that is
harmful to their physical and mental development. When discussing child labor in life skills
education, it's essential to create awareness and understanding among students. Factors to
consider when addressing child labor in a life skills curriculum:

Definition of Child Labor:

48
Child labor refers to the employment of children in work that is exploitative, harmful, and
deprives them of their fundamental rights and opportunities for proper education and
development.
Types of Child Labor:

Differentiate between various forms of child labor, such as hazardous work, forced labor, and
child trafficking.
Prevalence and Global Perspective:

Provide statistics and facts about the prevalence of child labor worldwide. Highlight regions
and industries where child labor is most common.
Causes and Consequences:

Explore the root causes of child labor, including poverty, lack of access to education, and
demand for cheap labor. Discuss the short-term and long-term consequences on children's
physical and psychological well-being.
International Conventions:

Introduce international conventions and treaties, such as the International Labour

Organization's (ILO) Convention No. 182, which aims to eliminate the worst forms of child
labor.
Laws and Regulations:

Explain local and national laws and regulations related to child labor, including minimum
working age, working hours, and conditions of work.
Rights of the Child:

Discuss the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) and how it protects
children's rights, including the right to education, leisure, and protection from exploitation.
Impact on Education:

Emphasize how child labor deprives children of the opportunity to receive an education,
limiting their future prospects and perpetuating the cycle of poverty.

49
Role of Education:

Stress the importance of education in breaking the cycle of child labor. Encourage students to
appreciate the value of education in improving their own lives and society as a whole.
Awareness and Advocacy:
- Teach students about the importance of raising awareness and advocating for the
elimination of child labor. Discuss how individuals, communities, and organizations can
contribute to this cause.

Responsible Consumerism:
- Discuss the role of responsible consumer choices in reducing demand for products and
services produced with child labor. Encourage students to make informed decisions as
consumers.

Empathy and Compassion:

- Foster empathy and compassion among students by sharing stories and experiences of
children affected by child labor. Encourage them to put themselves in the shoes of these
children.

Reporting Mechanisms:
- Teach students how to recognize and report instances of child labor if they encounter them
in their communities or surroundings.

Personal Responsibility:
- Encourage students to take personal responsibility for their actions and choices,
emphasizing that they can make a positive difference in the fight against child labor.

Projects and Initiatives:

- Encourage students to participate in or initiate projects and initiatives that raise awareness
about child labor and support affected children and communities.

Addressing child labor in life skills education helps students develop a sense of social
responsibility, empathy, and the knowledge needed to contribute to the eradication of this
harmful practice while developing their own life skills.

50
RELATIONSHIPS
Understanding and building healthy relationships is a crucial aspect of life skills education.
Factors to consider when discussing relationships in a life skills curriculum:

1. Types of Relationships:

Differentiate between various types of relationships, including family relationships,

friendships, romantic relationships, and professional relationships.
2. Communication Skills:

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. Teach students the

importance of active listening, expressing themselves clearly, and resolving conflicts through
constructive dialogue.
3. Boundaries:

Discuss the concept of personal boundaries in relationships. Help students understand how to
set and respect boundaries to maintain healthy interactions.
4. Trust and Respect:

Emphasize the significance of trust and respect in any relationship. Teach students how to
build and maintain trust and how to respect the boundaries and feelings of others.
5. Empathy and Compassion:

Encourage students to develop empathy and compassion, enabling them to understand and
support the emotions and needs of others.
6. Conflict Resolution:

Teach conflict resolution strategies, such as negotiation, compromise, and finding win-win
solutions, to help students handle disagreements and conflicts constructively.
7. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships:

51
Discuss the characteristics of healthy relationships, such as mutual respect, trust,
communication, and support. Help students recognize signs of unhealthy or abusive
relationships and how to seek help when needed.
8. Consent:

Address the importance of consent in romantic and sexual relationships. Explain what
consent means and why it is necessary for any sexual activity.
9. Peer Pressure and Decision-Making:

Equip students with the skills to resist negative peer pressure and make informed decisions
that align with their values and well-being.
10. Digital and Online Relationships:
- Discuss the unique challenges and opportunities of digital and online relationships,
including the importance of online safety, privacy, and responsible social media use.

11. Family Relationships:

- Explore the dynamics of family relationships, including parent-child relationships and
sibling relationships. Discuss the roles, responsibilities, and challenges within families.

12. Diversity and Inclusion:

- Promote an understanding of diversity in relationships, including cultural, racial, religious,
and gender diversity. Encourage inclusivity and respect for differences.

13. Healthy Self-Esteem:

- Emphasize the role of healthy self-esteem and self-worth in building positive relationships.
Help students develop self-confidence and self-respect.

14. Long-Term Commitment:

- Discuss the concept of long-term commitment in various relationships, such as marriage and
partnership, and the responsibilities that come with it.

15. Support Networks:

- Highlight the importance of having a support network of friends and family in times of need
and encourage students to be supportive friends themselves.

52
16. Red Flags:
- Teach students to recognize red flags in relationships, such as controlling behavior,
manipulation, and abuse, and how to seek help or offer support to others in such situations.

17. Relationship Goals:

- Help students set healthy relationship goals, whether they are related to personal growth,
communication improvement, or building deeper connections with others.

18. Role Models and Media Influence:

- Discuss how role models and media portrayals of relationships can influence perceptions
and expectations. Encourage critical thinking about media representations.

19. Lifelong Learning:

- Emphasize that building and maintaining healthy relationships is an ongoing process that
requires continuous learning and adaptation.

Incorporating these notes and discussions into a life skills curriculum can empower students
to build and maintain positive, respectful, and fulfilling relationships in various aspects of
their lives, promoting emotional well-being and personal development.

53