Everybody always told me I'm stupid at something. Is it me?

Or shadow
behind my back. I was same kid back then, now, or ever....
Don't even care about it. Wasting some energy and find out relief while I sleep
on the rooftop. Was left by somebody since 4. Rarely remember what is it like
back then. Just knowing I wandering around without particular reason, or not
at all.
It's fall December 1988. I walk out like a regular guy. Nothing interesting
actually. Just an unsensible kid looking for a chocolate drink. So I go to a mini
market. Sitting down on the floor like a fool. Just to feel the air conditioner
flow out through my breath. Very easy to ger heat, or cold. Nobody there
asking. Not because they didn't care at all. But a natural habit since I don't
remember the actual age. I open the fridge, always the second from left side.
Couldn't sleep if I choose the wrong one, neither a small step. "Fine then,
Daigo-kun." It's Tamashiro, the own owner of this place. For a homeless like
me it's a giant place. As usual, I take a bath there. Shiro always get my favorite
water soap in the bathroom. Singing a song that came out from my mind.
Made them confuse since it's my own idea. I don't find any wholesome from it.
They give me the towel and blanket. I have the same all set of clothes like a
burglar inside a tent. With a plastic bag I go out. "Oi, Daigo." "Ehh, Mate." One
of my mates in a tent. Sharing my foods and drinks, with some fire they make
on a barrel. "It's quite nice view, Daigo-san." "Uh-uh. It never change." It's
hard to find inspiration nowadays. So I get high and drink whole milk.
Walking a minute to let those water down to my kidney, then I run normally
so I can have good endurance. Don't thinking about any kind of change. Not
even worried about. I lost half of my memories, or even all of them. Maybe I'm
not even try to get it back; Like a curse. For minutes I run and everything
happen with a sun rise from east. Across the streets, and some road full of
cars. People look at me with silly faces. They think this is crazy thing, but the
truth is thye're the one need to be laugh at. Little bit tired, so I'm stop. I open
up my notes. No, it's not a poetry, or proportional words. Just to stimulaze my
hands; Using a pen I stole from anybody. Sometimes I steal bag of chips and
share it with other men like me. That's how I live. So I get on the elevator, but
I step on it like it's a regular stairs.

"Hey, kid, what are you doing here. You should be at school." I look back,
there's a middle-aged man asking for money I guess. "How old are you?" He's
the one knowing me a school type guy although wrong. "Why do you care?"
"You pretty sharp." That words make me even look at his eyes sharper. It's a
rough place, keep an eye to anyone. "I see, you're wanderer type, don't you?"
"How do you know that?" "White rain jacket, blue jeans-" "Don't you think it's
a common outfit?" "You lie to yourself." I don't know what he's talking about.
I'm the most one that don't care those around. "Who are you, o-san?" "I see,
you try to privatized yourself, just like me." I talk before he answers, "I don't
care about 'share in common' stuff or that kind." "Joji, that's it." "Fine, see you
next month." I don't mean it literally, but that's the word cross from my mind.
"But how about arcade?" Joji smirking. Maybe it will give him some kind of
nostalgic childhood.