ISSUE 61

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 A little
serenity
It’s safe to say, there’s a lot going
on right now. And I think we’re all
starting to feel it...
The ‘normal’ pressures of the world
appear to be looming over us larger
than ever before, and the angst you
might be feeling is compounded with
the uncertainty of no clear light at the
end of the tunnel.
You might be asking: ‘When is the
pressure going to ease off?’
Sometimes the harder we try to hold
everything up on our shoulders, the
further it feels we’re sinking into the
ground, as we bury our fears and
anxieties under a brave face.
This is when it’s so important to find
your own calm amidst the chaos.
As Buddha said: “Serenity comes
when you trade expectations for
acceptance.”
Is the world perfect? Far from it. Is
everything running smoothly in our
lives? Right now, probably not.
Accepting this doesn’t mean things
Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge
have to stay this way forever, but
acknowledging how we feel enables
us to face it head on, and take
charge of the things we can control.
So, what do we suggest? Create your
own personal paradise – a moment
of respite from the storm.
Ensure that, as much as you want
to give and support others, you still
think about your own needs and
boundaries, and protect your own
energy, too.
For some, that might mean taking a
step back, giving yourself space, and
listening to songs where the lyrics hit
the right note in expressing exactly how
you’re feeling (p42). For others, it could
be taking proactive steps to craft the
life that you deserve by resetting your
sleep schedule (p45), or diving into our
habit-tracking journaling pages (p84).
We can’t solve every dilemma, deal
with every challenge, and face every At Happiful, inclusivity,
fear all at once. We’re only human. representation, and creating
a happier, healthier society
So, instead, why not allow ourselves is at the forefront of our
the peace we deserve, even if it’s for mission. To find out more
just a moment? about our social and
environmental pledges,
Take a deep visit happiful.com/pledges
breath. The
storm will pass. W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR |
EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 How to handle
First Time buyer Stress
A new approach
17 It's time for radical honesty
Why we should drop the white lies

20 How to reduce screentime

Do you want to readdress your
relationship with tech?

30 Colour therapy, explained

35 The crypto craze

What you need to know about

38
crypto and its link to gambling
*NEW
*
83 Over to you
This month's journaling prompts

Relationships
14 The sandwich generation
42
What to do when you're caring on
two fronts

56 Hardly working
Improve the relationships at your job

67 Life as an introverted man

A closer look at a different style
of masculinity

75 Finding her happy ending

One woman's journey with
Positive pointers
disability, sex, and relationships

78 Six myths about loneliness

22 Empath energy
Grace Victory on how to protect it
48
Culture 42 Sing it out
Lyrics that perfectly capture mental
8 Good news health challenges
Uplifting stories to make you smile
53 Wedding I dos and don'ts
13 The wellbeing wrap
61 10 quick wellbeing wins
50 Happiful recommends
81 Forward motion
71 Good reads Eco-conscious driving tips
 Try this at home
16 Spot hidden signs of anxiety

41 The art of mindfulness

60 Five eco-friendly apps

82 Reframe negative self-talk

*
Expert review

67
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited

25
counsellor, to ensure we

Wellbeing
25 A new challenge
How can mothers-to-be with eating
disorders prepare for pregnancy?
28 Tackling stress every day
38 Movin' on up
How to deal with first-time buyer angst
45 Reset your sleep cycle
It really can be done in just three days
72 How to spot anxiety in kids
Learn the warning signs to watch for
and how to step in
Food & health
34 Dip into this
48 Breakfast boosters
Recipes to start the day off right
58 Low on spoons?
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
There’s a multitude of things
we can do to improve our
wellbeing, and a large
number of them are cost
free – they just require
subtle changes to how you
behave. Technology plays
a huge role in how we feel,
and sometimes this can
be negative – head to p20
to explore how to reduce
your screen time. When
we are continually using
a device, it takes us away
from the ‘now’. This creates
a detachment from our
reality, negatively impacting
our connectedness with
the self and people around
us. It’s wonderful that
technology is enhancing our
lives on so many ways, but it
must be used in balance.

61
What to do when your energy RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
reserves are depleted Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
64 Eat it to beat it with more than 10
years' experience.
Simple dietary tricks to help acid reflux
 Expert Panel Our team
Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
and insight throughout this issue
Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor
Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant
DEBBIE FLETCHER FIONA AUSTIN
DipCouns Cert MBACP MA DipPsy Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Debbie is an integrative Fiona is a positive
counsellor and clinical psychologist specialising Grace Victory, Bhavna Raithatha | Columnists
supervisor. in anxiety. Lucy Donoughue | Head of Multimedia
Ellen Lees | Head of Content
Janette Owen | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

PATRYCJA TOBOLSKA BHAVNA RAITHATHA ART & DESIGN

BSc Hons PGDip MSc BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Patrycja is a nutritionist Bhavna is a Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
encouraging positive psychotherapist, coach,
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
change. supervisor, and trainer.
Tamlyn Izzett | Graphic Designer

COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager

AARON JUDE HEATHER

MCCARTHY DARWALL-SMITH CONTRIBUTORS
MA BA MA UKCP Kate Orson, Harvey Morton, Hope Virgo, David
Bone, Rosalind Ryan, Andrew Harvey, Amber Tennant,
Aaron is a certified executive Heather is a psychotherapist
Jenna Farmer, Hasret Tekin, Sophie L Morgan
coach with experience and author with a specialist
working across industries. interest in insomnia. SPECIAL THANKS
Debbie Fletcher, Fiona Austin, Daniel Bunce,
Heather Darwall-Smith, Patrycja Tobolska,
Aaron Jude McCarthy, Shannon Western, Keith Howitt

MANAGEMENT
HASRET TEKIN SHANNON WESTERN Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
BA PGdip MBACP MPTUK/PTI MAST BSc MSc ANutr
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Hasret is a child & Shannon is a nutritionist who Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
adolescent therapist specialises in disordered
specialising trauma. eating and women’s health. SUBSCRIPTIONS
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Journal your way

planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry

to healthier
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Why you should walk

HAPPIFUL FAMILY
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charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views

and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that Helping you find the help you need.
content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory,
Pickin' up good
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vibrations?
Your empath energy
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If you are in crisis and are concerned for Head to Visit happiful.com
your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E happiful.
for more com
se
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email and supprvices
ort
them at jo@samaritans.org

GENERAL LISTENING LINES

SANEline
SANEline offers support and information from
4.30pm–10.30pm: 0300 304 7000
One undeniable truth is that
Mind finding the right help for each
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank individual is a journey – what
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk works for one of us will be
Switchboard different for someone else. But
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: don't feel disheartened if you
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt haven't found your path yet. Our
Happiful family can help you
on your way. Bringing together
SUPPORT WITH EATING DISORDERS
various arms of support, each
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and their loved ones at beateatingdisorders.org.uk of our sister sites focuses on a
different method of nourishing
your wellbeing – from
counselling, to hypnotherapy,
WORK WITH A NUTRITIONIST
nutrition, coaching, and holistic
p64 If you want to learn more and create a personalised plan,
connect with a professional using nutritionist-resource.org.uk therapy. Download our free
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by visiting scope.org.uk conditions, please visit happiful.com

KIDS
Hospice offers bereavement training to primary schools
Death and grief can be difficult
things to comprehend, especially
for children. With that in mind, a
Derbyshire-based charity, Treetops
Hospice, has reached out to
offer training for primary school
staff, so that they can help pupils
understand death, and be there for
them when a loved one dies.
“How a child experiences grief
depends on many factors, not
just their age,” explains Treetops
therapeutic services manager
and head of children’s services
Jules Kirk. “Their reactions can be
affected by their cognitive ability,
8 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
The Uplift
emotional literacy, wider family
and social dynamics, and their
culture and beliefs.
“In our training, we explain
what children believe about
death at different ages. Younger
children have a limited concept
of time, for example, so they
often view death as a temporary
absence of that loved one. Older
children understand that death
is irreversible, but sometimes
believe that the person who died
can still see or hear them.”
The Lanes School, in Beeston,
Nottinghamshire, is one of the
Photography | Katharine Lightbown
first to sign up for the training,
and teaching assistant Elaine
Allcoat shares why it’s important:
“Schools play an important part
in every child’s life,” she says.
“Supporting pupils after any
trauma, including bereavement,
is a vital part of our job. We don’t
want to ‘get it wrong’ because it is
so important. The training really
gave us confidence and guided
us in how to tackle these difficult
situations. We’d recommend
schools take up this opportunity.”
Visit treetops.org.uk for more.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
TECH
Ground-breaking app sparks
memories for dementia patients
Coming up with an app idea down
the pub may sound a cliché, but in
the case of Memory Lane Games,
that’s exactly what happened.
Long-time friends Peter Quayle
and Bruce Elliott were chatting
about their mums’ love of old
family photos, when they thought
about how they could turn these
images into a game.
Memory Lane Games was
born – a free app with more than
ANIMALS
Pets linked to a paw-sitive
effect on our brains
Many of us can already attest
to the ways that pets enrich our
lives. But, now, a preliminary
study presented at the American
Academy of Neurology’s 74th
Annual Meeting has uncovered
a link between long-term pet
ownership and a slower decline in
cognition over time.
Looking at 1,369 adults with
an average age of 65, 53% of
whom owned pets, researchers
used cognitive tests (including
subtraction, numeric counting,
and word recall) and data to
develop scores for each individual
participant.
What they found was that, over
six years, the cognitive scores
for pet owners decreased at a
1,000 quiz-style games using old
photos to trigger memories and
spark conversation – designed to
be played by dementia patients
and a relative or carer.
Peter (whose mum has vascular
dementia) explains that the app
provides easy-to-use activities
for reminiscence, which is
recognised as a key dementia
management tool by the NHS. To
personalise the game, users can
slower rate than those who didn’t
own pets – with this difference
strongest among those who
were long-term pet owners (five
years or more). The study also
found that the cognitive benefits
associated with pet ownership
were particularly strong for Black
adults, college-educated adults,
and men.
“As stress can negatively affect
cognitive function, the potential
stress-buffering effects of pet
ownership could provide a
plausible reason for our findings,”
says study author Tiffany Braley.
“A companion animal can also
increase physical activity, which
could benefit cognitive health.
That said, more research is
add in their own family photos
and trivia.
After partnering with the
Alzheimer’s Disease Association
of the Philippines (ADAP), the app
is now being prescribed by the
country’s doctors. “Our ambition
is to deliver free reminiscence
activities, localised, for every
country in the world,” says Bruce.
Visit memorylanegames.com
Writing | Kat Nicholls
needed to confirm our results and
identify underlying mechanisms
for this association.”
But, for now, it’s fair to say that
having animals on the brain is a
pretty good thing.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 9
10 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
 SLEEP

Is the ‘wrong
side of the bed’
a real thing?
You’ve heard of the phrase ‘I got out the
wrong side of bed’, and typically couples
will tend to stick to ‘their side of the bed’
– with the exception of those who prefer
to ‘starfish’. But is there some credence
to our bed habits?
According to data collected by The
Sleep Charity, there might be more to
picking a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ side of the
bed than we first thought.
In a survey of 2,000 UK adults, the
charity found that men were more likely
to opt for the left side – whereas women
tended to choose their side of the bed
out of habit.
Meanwhile, 15% of men said that
they were guided by superstition
when choosing where they wanted to
sleep, compared with 10% of women
– a superstition that is believed to have
originated from ancient Rome, where
Romans were careful to get out of bed on
the right side.
Beyond that, the poll also highlighted
several other factors for choosing the
right or wrong side of the bed, including
closeness to doors and windows, and a
better view of TVs.
“There are so many factors that help
us determine which is the right side of
the bed for us,” says The Sleep Charity
deputy CEO Lisa Artis.
“We recommend trying out different
positions and conditions to determine
the perfect sleep environment for you.”
So, that sounds like a debate we can
finally put to bed.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 11
Take 5 How did
Search 'f
you do?
reebies'
Put your puzzling prowess to the shop.hap at
piful.com
test with this issue’s brain teasers to find th
e answ
and mor ers,
e!
Codebreaker
Thinking caps at the ready – can you decipher this puzzle? It’s like a
crossword with no clues. Instead, it’s a game of logic, as every letter of the
alphabet is used at least once, and is represented by a number in the grid.
Uncover a letter at a time to reveal answers all over the grid – good luck!

HINT: Wellbeing
24 18 2 20 8
T Z
25
T E R 6 5 20
8 8 2

2
E R E T R 6 N Q 15 I L
15 10
E 9 I T 6 T I 2 N T I
2 16 7 7
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6
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 The
wellbeing
wrap
The right
to roam
A law of wanderlust is written into
the Swedish constitution, which
entitles all people access to nature.
The ‘Pay, Don’t Stay’ ‘Allemansrätten’ (which translates to
movement created Out of luck?
‘the everyman’s right’) means that
by Sarah Brown, from A study from the
you can explore, camp, cycle, or
Finland has Utah, encouraged University of Bath has even ski on any land, with
been named the people across the globe revealed that people minimal exceptions.
world’s happiest who believe in fate, or
country for the to support Ukrainians
fifth year in a row by renting their that luck is random, Now
Airbnbs – with no need are more likely to be we’re ballin’!
to actually visit. The anxious. Whereas those A football-loving 12-year-old
booking money who view themselves as from Leeds is proving that
raised $2 million personally ‘lucky’ were physical differences don’t mean
in just 48 hours! deemed to be happier. you can’t live your dreams.
Wayde Drew, who was born
without a left forearm, has now
Burger King The ulti-mutt celebration
opened its first become the star goalie for his
In anticipation of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee
vegan store in its local team, Saxton FC.
flagship Leicester in June 2022, London’s Women’s Institute (WI)
Square branch members have been getting crafty in their In honour of International
(as part of a celebrations. The group has been knitting mini
month-long trial) Women’s Day, to inspire
corgis, Queen Elizabeth’s favourite pooch, called
the next generation of
‘WInnie’, hiding them around the capital for folks
to find. If you want to get involved by picking
female leaders, Barbie
up your own knitting needles, the pattern for launched 12 dolls based
WInnie is suitable for all skill levels, and on trailblazing role
can be found by visiting thewi.org.uk models across a range
of industries. Included is
A ‘classic’ connundrum TV producer and writer
Scientists have Can you really judge a book by its cover? Shonda Rhimes, who
revealed that a
Well apparently, a lot of us do, as a recent survey by wrote: “Proud to be
contraceptive
pill for males has TV channel Dave found that 48% of men and 44% of among the 12 amazing
been found to be women lie about having read literary classics – often women, all of whom are
99% effective too daunted to turn the page but keen to impress breaking barriers in their
others. The books we mostly bluff about reading? respective careers.”
War and Peace, Hamlet, and Moby Dick.

Scotland may become the first Home is where the woof is

part of the UK to approve the
concept of ‘water cremations’
(aquamation burials). This
Online searches innovation could dramatically
for solar panels
are up by a cut greenhouse gas emissions,
fifth in the face as well as offer people more
of soaring choice in how to say farewell to
energy bills
their loved ones.
It’s no secret that pets hold a very special place in our
hearts, but a recent survey by Wag! has revealed that
bond goes even deeper. With offices reopening, 41%
of participants said they will miss their dog more than
their partner or children when they return to work.
Given that 93% of respondents saw their dogs as a
mental health support, it’s no surprise that our canine
companions are such an essential part of our lives.
 What is the
sandwich generation?
When caring responsibilities pull you in two different directions, how
can you best look after your own wellbeing?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

I
n 2022, our personal timelines
are looking dramatically
different to those of the
generations that came before
us. People are living longer,
and many are choosing to have
children later in life. These two
trends offer a lot to be grateful
for – before us lies more time
with our loved ones, more time to
explore the world around us, to
pursue our dreams, to enjoy our
hobbies, to learn, and to indulge
in new experiences. But, at the
same time, these circumstances
have led to a transformation of
the caring landscape – and, today,
many people in middle age are
now finding themselves caring
on two fronts.
Dubbed the ‘sandwich
generation’, the number of
people who are caring for elderly
parents, as well as their own

14 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

children, is on the rise – with the
ONS reporting that 1.3 million
people in the UK now have this
responsibility. And we need to
talk about it.
Caring is a huge undertaking,
both physically and mentally, and
in the same report from 2019,
the ONS went on to reveal that
27% of ‘sandwich carers’ showed
symptoms of mental ill-health
while caring for both older
relatives and children – with
their risk of experiencing this
increasing the more time they
spent caring each week.
While the numbers are
distressing, it’s fairly easy to see
where that risk comes from,
as counsellor Debbie Fletcher
explores.
“Those in the ‘sandwich
generation’ will inevitably
be balancing the numerous
demands of being both a parent
and a child,” says Debbie. “You
may be caring for an elderly
parent one minute, and dealing
with a challenging child the next
– on top of other responsibilities
like holding down a demanding
job, or running a household.
These demands themselves, as
well as the pressure of being
pulled in different directions, can
be overwhelming. This can result
in your own wellbeing ending up
at the bottom of your priority list,
if it is on your list at all!”
Debbie rightly points out that
being part of the ‘sandwich
generation’ can, of course, be a
positive experience – especially
when it comes to taking care
of parents, where you can
experience a feeling of ‘giving
You may be caring
for an elderly
parent one minute,
and dealing with a
challenging child
the next
back’ to them for a lifetime of
love and care. That said, there’s
no use denying the challenges
that come with this position, too.
“Sometimes, the experience of
being ‘sandwiched’ overpowers
the ability to cope,” Debbie adds.
“If this happens, then it is vital
that you take steps to build your
resilience, find support, and
maintain your wellbeing.”
In the general population,
around 61% of people are happy
with the amount of leisure time
that they have. Among sandwich
carers, 47% of those who look
after a relative outside the home
are happy with their leisure
time – and for those providing
care within their home, that
figure drops to just 38%. With all
that considered, it’s easy to see
how taking steps to protect your
wellbeing can be put on the back
burner.
If this sounds like you, Debbie
offers some important reminders:
“Firstly, I tell my clients to
remember what you are told at
the beginning of a flight: put on
your own oxygen mask before you
help others. If you don’t look after
yourself, you will not be able to
continue to look after others. You
are not being selfish.
relationships
“Secondly, if it is at all possible,
share the load with others. Do not
feel guilty if you need to delegate.
You do not have to do it all yourself,
and even a little help can make a
big difference.
“Thirdly, consider if there are
ways you could reorganise your
time. Perhaps you could ask
your employer for less or more
flexible working hours. You could
outsource some of your tasks, or
your children could take on more
household chores. These are
just a few examples, just think to
yourself: how can I make my life
work better for me?”
The elusive and aspirational
idea of ‘balance’ can often seem
far beyond our reach, especially
when we’re dealing with the day-
to-day realities of juggling all the
responsibilities that are piling up.
But for those in this position, small
actions so often make the biggest
difference.
“Share your thoughts and feelings
with family and friends,” Debbie
advises. “It is remarkable how
helpful this can be, and you may
even find friends in the same
situation. Finally, simply be kind of
yourself. You do not have a magic
wand, and you can only do what you
are able to, and that is enough.”
Debbie Fletcher is an integrative
counsellor and clinical supervisor.
Visit counselling-directory.org.uk
to find out more.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 15
 Symptoms of anxiety
that no one talks about
Understanding the symptoms to watch out for can help you to
address the root cause sooner. Here, we are sharing five warning
signs of angst that people often aren’t aware of

Shame spirals
That inner critic really comes alive when
we’re feeling anxious. We might worry
about meeting expectations, letting
someone down, or making a mistake.
These thoughts often cause us to spiral
into a cycle of guilt and shame as we put Nausea
more and more pressure on ourselves, Anxiety can make our body go into crisis
which creates further anxiety. mode, activating our fight or flight response.
This induces a rush of hormones causing our
heart and breathing rates to increase, our
muscles to tense up, and more blood to be sent
to our brain. These hormones also impact the

Brain fog
digestive system, often creating a ‘butterflies’
in the stomach feeling, which can lead to
Feelings of anxiety use up our energy, nausea and even vomiting for some people.
meaning our reserves are reduced for tasks
we can normally just crack on with. On top of
that, it can take even more effort to stop the

anxious thoughts invading and taking over our
minds, resulting in feeling less sharp, trouble
concentrating, and often grogginess.
Sensitivity to light
During periods of intense anxiety, for
example in a panic attack, your fight or flight
mode comes into play, causing your pupils
to dilate, as well as the muscles in your
face tensing. This can result in being more

Tinnitus
Ringing in your ears (tinnitus) and chronic
anxiety can be closely linked in a vicious circle,
with emotional stress sometimes leading to
tinnitus developing (or getting worse), or the
tinnitus exacerbating existing anxiety.
sensitive to light, as well as aching in the eye
area. But remember, if you’re experiencing
any problems with your eyes, it’s always
best to speak to a professional to get them
checked to be safe.

Can I be honest with you?
A little white lie never really hurts, right? Well, actually, telling fibs can impact your
physical and mental health. Perhaps it’s time to embrace radical honesty instead?
I
n our society, we are used to
telling white lies. Maybe you
don’t want to go to a social
event so you make up an
excuse about being unwell, or if
you don’t agree with someone you
bite your tongue, and don’t share
your true feelings.
This can help to keep the peace,
but it can also get in the way of
having real, authentic relationships
with others. If you never express
your true feelings, you might end
up continually having someone
crossing your boundaries, or
doing things you don’t like but feel
powerless to stop.
Research has also shown that
repeatedly lying can cause
stress, depression, and even
physical illness. A US study from
the University of Notre Dame,
Indiana, looked at the effect of
consciously trying to stop telling
lies, including ‘white lies’, for 10
weeks. The results? Participants
Writing | Kate Orson
had fewer mental health issues
such as low mood, and fewer
physical health ailments such as
headaches, than a control group
that didn’t focus on lies.
Honesty can open
up a conversation,
and we may end up
hearing something
honest in return.
This can deepen and
enrich relationships
This is something that
Michelle Traub knows only
too well. Michelle is a writer,
compassionate coach, and author
of Online Dating for Sensitive
Women. Michelle says she ‘“grew
up as a people-pleaser, telling
people what they wanted to hear
a new approach
and being agreeable to keep the
peace”. But it was only when
Michelle completed a masters
in Integrative Healing that
she became aware of how this
attitude was affecting her life.
“I realised it had led me
to attract narcissistic and
manipulative people, who used
my kindness against me. My
body started to turn on me
by developing autoimmune
diseases. My health decline
began in my teens, as I started
to experience chronic fatigue.
My immune system continued
to be under attack for more than
a decade. All the while, I was
unknowingly surrounded by
narcissistic individuals, including
a husband who consistently
dismissed me and my beliefs.
If I tried to speak my truth, I
was shut down or overridden.
I didn’t even realise what was
happening.’’ >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 17
 When Michelle left her
marriage, her health dramatically
improved, and she attracted
more healthy relationships
based on honesty.
Not everyone has such dramatic
consequences to suppressing their
truth, and everyone’s situation is
unique, but all of us can probably
live more fulfilling lives by telling
fewer lies. So, how can we do it?
Perhaps the first step is to
become aware of the ways in
which we lie. Many of us have
been primed since childhood problem to work late yet again, or feel. What were your thoughts or
to be polite and please others, you tell a friend that you’re happy physical feelings? What are your
and perhaps in a pattern of to look after their child, what fears around telling the truth in
telling untruths without being physical sensations do you feel? that particular situation? What are
consciously aware of it. If you notice tension or tightness, you losing by hiding your truth?
One way to begin to notice butterflies in your stomach, How could you express yourself in
is to check in with your body shorter breaths, or a nervousness a way that more genuinely reflects
when conversing with others. in your chest, it could be that your inner mind?
Our bodies can house our your real truth is different to the The next step is to dive in and
stories and register what’s going one you’ve verbalised. start being more honest about
on in our unconscious mind. One way to bring conscious what you are thinking. One thing
Consciously, the lies might not awareness is to keep a journal of to bear in mind is that we may
register if you’re used to telling all the times you catch yourself not be lying because we do not want
them, but your body might feel being truthful. Judi Ketteler, author to hurt people.
uncomfortable with what is of Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Of course, honesty doesn’t
happening, and the truth that is Power of Being Honest in a World mean being blunt and hurtful
being suppressed. That Lies, kept an honesty journal just for the sake of it, but means
Start to notice how your body to bring awareness to her lying. simply expressing your thoughts
feels in interactions with others. Each time you catch yourself in and feelings more accurately so
As you tell your boss it’s no a lie, write down how it made you your needs are met. This can be

18 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

intimidating, especially if you
are undoing a lifelong pattern
of suppressing your truth.
Marshall Rosenberg, the founder
of the Center for Non-Violent
Communication, referred to the
concept of ‘scary honesty’ because
of how terrifying it can feel.
A way to soften the blow of
your honesty is to recognise the
difference between what Marshall
called ‘jackal’ and ‘giraffe’ honesty.
Jackal honesty is a language of
demands; blaming, criticising,
judging, and demanding. Giraffe
honesty is more clear-sighted; like
a giraffe and its long neck, you can
see the full picture, and recognise
that thoughtful communication is
clear and less likely to hurt others.
With giraffe honesty, you can
focus on observing, connecting,
feeling, and requesting. So, if
there’s something you need you
can ask for it, and express why,
rather than attacking the other
person.
Using ‘I’ statements can help
with giraffe honesty. When we
use ‘I’ statements, we deliver
our message with a focus on our
feelings and beliefs, rather than
our judgements on the other. For
example: ‘I feel frustrated when
Honesty doesn’t
mean being blunt
and hurtful just
for the sake of it,
but means simply
expressing your
thoughts and
feelings more
accurately, so your
needs are met
I come home and the house
is messy,’ as opposed to: ‘You
always leave your mess lying
everywhere.’
The last thing to be aware of
is that being honest also means
listening to what others have to
say in response. Honesty can
open up a conversation, and we
may end up hearing something
honest in return. This can deepen
and enrich relationships in ways
you might never have imagined.
Modelling good honesty goes
against our culture of white lies.
It’s like a permission slip that lets
others know that the times are
changing, it’s OK to share what
we really want and need.
a new approach
The first time I heard a friend
say to me that she couldn’t meet
me because she was exhausted,
emotional, and struggling, it was
a relief. Instead of me wondering
why she really cancelled, and if
she really liked me, I knew that
this was someone I could be close
to, this was someone I could be
true with. So, the next time I felt
overworked and overwhelmed, I
cancelled plans, feeling zero guilt.
Closeness can come from
sharing our realness, rather than
trying to always make the other
person happy – and the more
real we can be, the more genuine
happiness we can cultivate, while
inspiring others to do the same.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 19
 Five effective ways to
reduce your screen time
It’s something many of us struggle with, but here’s how to cut back on
the amount of time you’re spending on your phone
Writing | Harvey Morton Illustrating | Rosan Magar
M
any of us don’t see necessary part of our day can
a problem with also have negative consequences.
screen time, what Psychologists have linked
with it being such social media apps with increased
an essential part of life in the loneliness and depression –
modern world. And technology partly due to the way it prompts
and social media can have a you to compare your life to
really positive effect on our live. that of others on social media,
But what feels like a normal and and partly because connecting
virtually doesn’t fulfil our needs
as social creatures in the same
ways as meeting in real life. The
rewards we get from connecting
on social media are like playing
on a slot machine, while meeting
in person connects us to society
on a much deeper level.
8 5
All that considered, experts
suggest that the ideal amount of
time to spend on social media per
day is two hours, so that you can
maximise your happiness. Think
you’d like to bring the amount of
time you spend on tech right back
down? Here, we explore ways to
reduce your screen time.
1. Turn off notifications
The obvious impulse when our
phone makes a sound is to check
it. But smartphones give you the
power to turn these notifications
off, and keep the distractions to
a minimum, plus iPhones now
have the ‘focus’ feature to set a
time for your round-up of
notifications to an
allocated window.
8 5

You will be surprised how much
difference it will make, especially
when we unconsciously pick up
our phone to check it more than
50 times a day, on average. If
you want to know your personal
average, you can find the screen
time function on your mobile
phone. There are tools in this
part of your phone that are there
to help you reduce your reliance
on your phone, so it is worth
looking into further.
2. Don’t take your phone
into your bedroom
Some people do sleep with
their phones by their bed. The
excuse for having the phone so
close is that someone may need
to contact you overnight in an
emergency.
But there are two points to
consider here. First, if something
is so urgent, the sound of the
phone going multiple times will
be enough to wake you in a quiet
house wherever you leave it.
Second, it could be worth putting
your phone on sleep mode and
selecting which numbers can
call and notify you even though
everything else is silenced.
By leaving your phone at the
bedroom door, not only will you
cut down your screen time, but
you’ll also create a serene, tech-
free space to relax in – which can
also help you drift off faster.
3. Turn your phone from
colour to grayscale
Part of the phone’s problem is the
addiction to screen visuals. The
‘Go Gray’ movement encourages
people to change to grayscale, as
these feelings of addiction will be
reduced. Our brain is attracted
to colourful and shiny things, so
reducing the attractiveness of the
phone increases your chances
of breaking your urges to scroll.
You can do this by looking in the
settings of your phone. Whether
you do it for just an hour a day, or
make a full-on switch, give it a go
and see how it affects your urges
to pick up your phone.
4. Tell your friends the time
you switch your phone off
If you are worried that switching
off your phone will lead to
friends worrying, tell them
you are doing it.
a new approach
Nobody wants their friends
to feel as if they are being
ghosted. However, they will
probably be highly supportive
of you reducing your screen
time, and hearing this will
mean they won’t make
assumptions about why you are
not responding immediately.
Decreasing expectations that
you are instantly available is
an important protector of your
mental health.
5. Swap online conversations
for real-life meetups
While the internet and our
DMs are great ways to connect
quickly with people, meaningful
relationships are created and
sustained when we meet in
real-life. Make it a priority to
schedule coffee with a friend,
or use lunchtimes to chat to
colleagues rather than staring
at your phone. It makes all the
difference.
Decreasing
expectations that you
are instantly available
is an important
protector of your
mental health
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 21
 How to protect your
empath energy
Empathy is a powerful tool that connects us and brings us
together, but it’s vital to still enforce boundaries with this behaviour,
to protect ourselves and others from taking on too much
Writing | Grace Victory

E
verything on Earth is
made up of energy.
You can’t really see it
with the naked eye, but
every piece of furniture, every
animal, every tree, every human
is vibrating and emanating in a
particular frequency.
Have you ever strolled past
someone and just felt good vibes?
Or walked in on your parents
arguing, and felt like you could
cut the tension in the air with a
knife? That’s energy. That’s the
vibration that is being put out
into the world and it can be felt,
sometimes deeply.
There have been times in my
life when I’ve looked at a random
stranger and I could almost see
happiness surrounding them.
Of course they were smiling, but
their aura was so, so bright that
their energy completely elevated
the surroundings when they
walked past. Alternatively, I have
felt dark and heavy energy, too.
My therapist burns incense after
every session as a way to cleanse
the space so his clients don’t
absorb somebody else’s pain. My
own energy has vibrated so low
before that I could feel a density
in the air. It was uncomfortable.
Empath energy is something
we all have inside of us. It’s
our ability to relate, connect,
and understand the feelings
of another. To be able to put
yourself in another person’s
shoes if you will, and have
the ability to imagine how the
other person feels. Empathetic
energy is needed within society
to acknowledge privilege,
pain, and purpose, and some
examples of how empathy
can be shown are through
compassion, acceptance, and
actively listening.
However, having empathy
without boundaries can
sometimes be a form of self-
sabotage, and can show a lack
of self-care. Without boundaries
when we are experiencing
empathetic energy, we tend
to carry the pain and anger of
the other person as if it is our
own. Rather than of standing
on the side-lines, supporting
and understanding, we instead
absorb energy that isn’t ours to
take on. And what help is that to
anyone?
We don’t need to become
enmeshed in what someone else
is going through to be a good
person, and we don’t need to
completely sink into someone
else’s pain to be seen as a good
friend. We are both of these, and
can only be both of these if we
implement healthy boundaries,
especially when it comes to
empathy.
You may hear within spiritual
places, or read self-development
books, that talk about ‘being
an empath’ – which is slightly
different to empathetic energy.
Being an empath is having
the ability to actually feel what
someone else is feeling, instead
of just understanding it and
being able to relate. But whether
you’re an empath or experience

22 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Photography | Krystal Neuvill
empathetic energy, the emotional
and spiritual hygiene of having
boundaries still stands.
In order to maintain a sense of
balance and grounding within
our relationships, we have to
implement practices that allow
us to let go of things that don’t
belong to us: our boss’s rage, our
partner’s insecurity, our friends’
money worries, for example. If
we soak up these feelings, they
become us and we often carry
them without noticing.
A part of having empathy for
someone else is that we can
support them and help them
through what they’re going
through. Empathy allows us to
hold their hand and walk beside
@GRACEFVICTORY
them, but if we lack boundaries
we cannot do that; we will hold
their hand and sink with them,
which is what we don’t want. Our
boundaries keep both parties safe.
So how do we express empathy,
and how do we do it with healthy
boundaries?
Expressing empathy:
• Acknowledge their pain.
• Be supportive and encouraging.
• Actively listen.
Healthy boundaries:
• Recognise their feelings and
your own.
• Only give what you can without
sacrificing your own mental
health.
• Affirm out loud, “I am letting
go of everything that isn’t
mine.”
It is absolutely possible to
acknowledge someone else’s pain
without it deeply affecting your
own life. That isn’t to be harsh
or distance yourself from what
other people are going through,
it’s more to appreciate that we
are all only human. We cannot
continuously pour into someone
else without leaving ourselves
empty.
Love
Grace x
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 23
 Leave the roads;
take the trails
PYTHAGORAS

Photography | Warren Wong

24 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

When a new life
brings new challenges
For mothers-to-be with eating disorders, the emotions, fears, and
uncertainties of pregnancy can be magnified – and triggering
A
s I sit sipping a glass
of ice-cold water,
overlooking the San
Francisco skyline on
my final trip pre-baby, I can’t
help but reflect on the past few
months, and feel a slight sense
of apprehension about what’s
to come.
I look down at my bump,
growing by the day, and my
brain is in turmoil. What will
happen to my body? Am I going
to be able to exercise again?
What if the baby isn’t OK? What
if I am not OK? What if I don’t
connect with it?
I think back over the past few
months. In November, I was on
the bathroom floor watching
the test timer. Waiting… In that
moment, I didn’t even know
what I wanted.
Writing | Hope Virgo
I thought back to my teenage
years, tainted by having to live
with an eating disorder; my
hospitalisation in 2007 at the age
of 17, where I had to accept I had
a problem, and accept the help to
understand it.
That year in hospital certainly
set me up for life, and left me
with some amazing skills, but
I knew I still had a way to go.
Over the years since, I know
my recovery from anorexia
hasn’t been linear. Somehow,
even when life got harder, and
I felt the anorexia pulling me,
even through those relapses, I
managed to come back. And what
kept me going was dealing with
uncertainty, communicating, and
knowing my motivations.
Even though having children
wasn’t my only goal in life, it was
wellbeing
certainly a driving factor in my
own journey to get to this space.
The timer beeped. Cutting
through the noise of my brain. I
looked down. And sure enough it
read: ‘Pregnant’.
The first few days were a blur
of emotion. Despite knowing I
wanted to have a family, there is
nothing that really prepares you.
The body changes, the heightened
emotions, the uncertainty – yes,
these are things everyone goes
through. But when you throw in
an eating disorder, what should
be some of the simplest things
– such as navigating the dos and
don’ts with food – become more
complicated.
While I had this huge sense of
relief that my body was working,
there was a part of me that wasn’t
actually sure how I felt. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 25
 Hope portrait | JenAllenPhotography
founder
an author and
Hope Virgo is Follo w Hope
ales.
of #DumpTheSc pe vi rgo_
@ ho
on Instagram

I would be lying if I said I have

found it easy being pregnant, but
the thing with eating disorders is
they use every chance to suck you
back in. So, I knew that I had to
be proactive in fighting it.
As my body began to change,
there was so much fear,
uncertainty, and moments when
I wasn’t actually sure I could
do this. The old me would have
used the eating disorder to cope.
Those behaviours that had for
so long given me a sense of
value, purpose, and numbed my
emotions… but this time around,
with a baby growing inside me, I
knew I had to find every ounce of
strength to keep going.
The reality is, whatever the
mental health issue, whatever the
type of eating disorder a person
may have had, it doesn’t just
disappear in pregnancy. But for
those looking on, things can look
OK, and we often then assume
everything is fine.

26 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

While research is limited, we
know that pregnancy can be
extremely triggering for many
with eating disorders – not just
because of the uncertainty, but
also because of the messaging
about weight and diet.
Dr Agnes Ayton, chair of the
Faculty of Eating Disorders at the
Royal College of Psychiatrists,
says: “Eating disorders are
potentially life-threatening but
treatable mental illnesses, so
it’s important that pregnant
women can get help as soon as
possible. Pregnancy is a time of
heightened risk for women with
eating disorders because of both
the physical and psychological
changes involved.
“Health professionals need
proper training on eating
disorders. They should be able to
support pregnant women with
a history of disordered eating
by talking openly about the risk
of relapse, and preparing them
for the changes that will happen
to their body. Services should
provide closer monitoring, discuss
healthy approaches to nutrition,
develop a relapse prevention
plan, and refer women to more
specialist help if needed.”
For many, having a family might
not be a goal, and for others it is
not possible, but the reality is, for
those who go down this path it
can be really tough. Pregnancy is
different for everyone. And that’s
OK. There are no heroes, and no
villains, and we each have our
own journey.
There’s a lot of fear and shame
wrapped up in fertility and
pregnancy, especially, if we don’t
feel how we’re ‘supposed’ to feel.
With all this in mind, here are
a few things that really helped
me, and a few top tips from
Tanya Lloyd, of the Baby Planner
(Instagram @thebabyplanneruk).
Whether you have had an eating
disorder or not, these are things I
would definitely recommend!
There’s a lot of fear and shame
wrapped up in fertility and
pregnancy, especially if we don’t
feel how we’re ‘supposed’ to feel
Top tips
• Tanya says: “Keep the due
date pressure at bay. People
can be incredibly loving, but
also accidentally intense. Add
a week or two to the date, or
simply inform people you are
not sharing the date.”
• Surrounding yourself with the
right people is key. Tanya says:
“Throughout your pregnancy,
anything that doesn’t make you
feel good should be kept at bay.
Whether that is a challenging
mother-in-law, or the thought
of perineal massage – focus on
good vibes only.”
• Think ahead and work out
what’s important post-birth.
For me, I knew having good
food, and time outside, was key,
so I had to make sure I had a
plan to make this happen! It’s
important to give future you
something to look forward to.
• Know your worth. Speaking up
in pregnancy about our mental
wellbeing
health, and the support we
need, is so important! It might
feel uncomfortable, but it is so
worth doing.
• When you are pregnant
everyone thinks they are an
expert, but as Tanya says:
“Pregnancy exposes you to
unsolicited advice in a way
that you could never imagine.
Know that it happens, and
that most people have loving
intentions. If you experience
it, you can decide whether to
silently roll your eyes, or have a
discussion about it, depending
on what makes you feel more
comfortable.”
• Find ways to communicate,
remembering that not everyone
will get it, and that’s OK. For
me, I found a handful of people
who I could be really honest
with, which helped a lot.
• Have a plan in place for
afterwards. A lot of my fears
were about what happens after.
I was afraid of relapsing, of
going back to old behaviours
to manage my mood and
emotions, so I knew I had to
think proactively about what
this would look like from a care
perspective.
• Be mindful of what you are
looking at online, to ensure
your sources are trustworthy. I
used the NHS website and the
BabyCentre app.
• Affirmations are so helpful.
Interrupt unhelpful thoughts,
and respond in kindness.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 27

Bhavna Raithatha
BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)
Bhavna is a
psychotherapist, coach,
supervisor, clinical
incidence debriefer, and
trainer. Find out more
by visiting counselling-
directory.org.uk
S
tress affects everyone,
from young children to
the elderly, as we live in
an increasingly stressful
world. People are expected to do,
think, and give continuously. There
is no time to stop and process how
you feel about it, no time to rest
and refuel. This perpetual motion
leads to many different types of
stress and, if left unchecked, can
cause serious ill-health.
What is stress?
Stress is defined by the Oxford
English Dictionary as “a state of
mental or emotional strain or
tension resulting from adverse
or demanding circumstances”.
According to psychologist Dr
Gillian Butler, in a paper published
28 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
Stress
management
in everyday life
From mounting pressures at work, to
financial worries, or concerns around
your health, there are myriad of ways
stress can build, so it’s essential to
address before things escalate. Our
expert columnist Bhavna Raithatha
explores how stress develops, and offers
practical solutions to help manage the
tensions in your life right now
by The Royal College of General
Practitioners, stress is defined in
three ways:
• Stress resulting from pressure
– the greater the pressure, the
greater the likelihood of a person
being affected.
• Stress as a response to noxious
or aversive stimuli – for example
the global response to the war in
Ukraine.
• Individual differences,
circumstances, coping
mechanisms, resilience, and
the interaction of internal and
external factors affect how
people respond to stress.
What causes stress?
Stress can be caused by a multitude
of factors on their own, or when
they interact with other factors
in a person’s life. For example,
being overstretched at work,
home, or both, or ill-health
leading to not being able to work,
financial hardship, relationships,
etc. This includes the impact
of these events on a person’s
self-confidence and self-esteem;
individual experiences and
reactions vary greatly.
Stress-reaction is also down to
how an individual has learned
to deal with stress in their lives.
Learned helplessness is a result
of defective or completely
ineffective coping strategies,
because this individual didn’t
learn how to appropriately
identify and respond to stress
at a young age. When a person

is exposed to large amounts
of stress on a regular basis,
they will experience a sense of
disempowerment and accept their
‘fate’. This is often exacerbated by
events out of the person’s control,
combined with psychological
fatigue.
How does the body respond?
The mind and body respond
differently to various types of stress.
Emotional reactions may include:
• Anger
• Withdrawal from day-to-day
activities
• Anxiety, or panic attacks
• Fear
• Shame
• Vulnerability
• Depression
• Burnout, in severe cases
Behavioural reactions may
include:
• Engaging in or increasing
addictive behaviours, such
as drinking, smoking, drugs,
or sex
• Arguments or fights
• Withdrawing from work or
relationships
• Changes in regular patterns,
e.g. eating, drinking, sleeping
• Self-harm
Cognitive reactions may include:
• Decreased attention
• Increased distractibility
• Irrational thinking
• Inabilities to function
EXPERT COLUMN
The psychological face
of stress
Endocrinologist Hans Selye
proposed a stress reaction theory
he called General Adaptation
Syndrome. This theory stated that
there are three distinct responses
to a stressor:
1. The body responds with an
alarm reaction.
2. This causes the release of
adrenaline into the body to
prepare for fight or flight.
3. If the stress continues, the
body becomes fatigued causing
exhaustion, illness, an inability
to cope.
Often, the body is able to deal
with most stresses at ‘2’ and
continues to function normally
until the next episode of stress.
Stress management
The most important approach in
stress management is perhaps the
most powerful, and that is to adopt
the right attitude. Our thoughts
create our realities, and so if we
are able to become aware of our
thoughts, we then have the power
to change them.
There are many practical things
you can do to address stress:
• Exercise
• Mindfulness
• Journaling (look out for my
article on in a future issue)
• Laughter – watch a good comedy,
or get together with friends
• Get out in nature
• Talk it through with a therapist
• Eat well – help your body
• Sex, which has innumerable
psychobiological benefits
• Try to improve your work-life
balance.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 29
 Walk the
rainbow
You may have heard of colour
therapy, or how different hues
can lift your mood, but utilising
this concept by finding all those
colours in nature can boost
their effect, giving you double
helpings of happiness

Writing | Rosalind Ryan

P
utting a bunch of
fresh flowers on your
desk, or wearing some
brightly coloured
jewellery, can be an instant mood
booster, but the reason for this
goes beyond simply adding a
splash of colour to your daily
life. The colours themselves can
have a powerful physical and
psychological effect, leading us to
feel calmer or more confident.
When you combine the impact
of these colours with the power
of Mother Nature, the effects
may be even greater. So, walking
through a green field could
have twice the effect on your
wellbeing compared with simply
surrounding yourself with green
cushions or blankets.
It’s time to discover, and
embrace, the power of colour in
the great outdoors.

30 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
HOW COLOURS CAN
HELP OUR HEALTH
“People are a lot more intuitive
about colour than they realise,”
says Sarupa Shah, a colour
healer and business coach from
thesoulagency.com. “You might
find yourself wanting to wear a
specific colour, or buying some
new bedsheets in a different
colour, but you’re not sure why.”
Sarupa explains that our craving
for certain colours is similar to
why we crave particular foods;
our bodies and brains are sending
us a message. For example, yellow
is associated with mental faculties
and concentration, so you might
find yourself reaching for a yellow
jumper if you’re studying or
writing a presentation.
We instinctively seek out certain
colours in nature, too. Fiona
Austin is an anxiety specialist
and psychotherapist who runs
programmes helping us reconnect
with nature. She says, “We need
colours, like reds and oranges, to
see if fruit is fresh and ready to
pick, while blue is known to be
calming. That’s why looking up
at a big blue sky can help us feel
more relaxed.”
Once you know what certain
colours can do – and where to
enjoy them in nature – you can
create a colour prescription.
THE BIG BLUE
Blue may be our most important
colour, as we’re surrounded by
it – imagine our vast open skies
and wide blue oceans. “It’s a very
healing colour; it soothes and
calms,” says Sarupa. “Think
about why doctors and nurses
might wear blue scrubs. It Blue is known to
signals to us that we’re safe.”
In fact, research shows that
be calming. That’s
installing blue light in train why looking up at
stations can help prevent a big blue sky can
suicides (noted in a study
published in 2013 in the Journal help us feel more
of Affective Disorders), while relaxed
a study from the University
of Granada, in collaboration
with the School for Special
Education San Rafael, in Spain,
found that people who lay in a
room that was bathed in blue
light returned to a state of
relaxation more quickly after
a stressful situation that those
who did not.
Fiona says, “During treatment,
I might ask people to lie down
and just stare up at the sky.
Most of us spend all day looking
down – at computer screens
or our phones – but looking
up at that huge blue canvas is
incredibly uplifting.”
Staring at the sea can have a
similar effect, and spending
time at the seaside is known
to boost our mental health. A
2019 study carried out across
18 countries found that those
who live by the sea have better
mental wellbeing, but even just
visiting the coast is enough to
boost your mood.
If you can’t get to the seaside
soon, listening to waves while
you meditate or imagining a big
expanse of blue can help. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 31
 THE GREEN MACHINE
Green is another key colour
for our wellbeing, thanks to its
psychological benefits. Sarupa
says, “As a colour, it’s known
to be relaxing. I might use it
with clients to help reduce their
anxiety levels before something
like a job interview.”
And although green may not be
your go-to colour in general, its
effect in nature is undeniable.
A vast and growing body of
research shows that being in
green spaces can lower our
stress levels, reduce our risk
of depression, improve our
mental wellbeing, and drop our
You find a lot of
blood pressure levels, while orange in sunrises,
exercising outdoors can raise which also signify
our self-esteem and happiness
levels far more than hitting the beginning of
the gym. A 2016 study even something new
found that prisoners who took
part in gardening programmes IT’S ALL YELLOW get outside and into the real
decreased their chances of We associate yellow with thing over the weekend? Even
reoffending by 20%. warmth, sunshine, flowers and eating a banana will go some
“Coniferous trees release happiness, or smiling emojis way to getting more yellow in
terpenes, chemicals that give at the very least. Fiona says, your life.
them that ‘Christmas tree’ smell. “Yellow is a bright and uplifting Orange is another warm
Studies have found terpenes colour. It’s almost impossible to colour, linked to creativity and
have anti-inflammatory and feel down on a sunny day.” inspiration. “You find a lot
neuroprotective effects, and But, that said, too much of orange in sunrises, which
boost our white blood cells,” of this hue can have the also signify the beginning of
Fiona says. “We may not know opposite effect. “Yellow can be something new,” says Fiona.
the science, but we do know we overstimulating, so you might The light emitted by a sunrise
feel better when we walk in the feel nauseous,” warns Sarupa. can also trigger melanopsin,
woods.” In general, yellow gives us a type of cell in the retina, to
If you can’t get outside, looking confidence and clarity, so kick-start our body clock into
out the window at a green pop a bunch of daffodils on action. If you’re feeling ‘stuck’,
landscape or simply having your teenager’s desk if they’re mentally or physically, try
pictures of forests on your revising, or use an image of watching a sunrise, or using a
walls is known to boost your a field of sunflowers as your dawn-simulator alarm clock for
wellbeing. screensaver at work. Why not the same effect.

32 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
FROM RED TO PURPLE
AND BEYOND
There are many theories that
surround the colour red; it means
danger, sex, power, or anger. “In
colour therapy, red signifies purpose
and action. You could try wearing
red if you need a boost,” says Sarupa.
Red is also ‘our’ colour – we’re
made up of red blood, after all –
and studies show our brains react
to red in certain ways. Seeing
red (literally in this case) makes
us react more quickly and more
forcefully, and it also makes us
more competitive. But it makes us
more susceptible – research reveals
waitresses who wear red make
more money from male customers.
To harness the power of red in
nature, treat yourself to a bunch outside, yet the truth is we still
of red roses, enjoy a bowl of red don’t know all the links between
berries for breakfast, or take a colour and our wellbeing. Humans
walk in a colourful autumn forest. couldn’t see violet for thousands of
Further down the spectrum lie years, so what other colours may be
the purple colours. Sarupa says, hiding at the end of the rainbow?
“These are good for meditation, The future looks bright, or even
and are linked with spirituality, ultraviolet, for our health.
particularly with endings.”
Purples are also found in sunsets,
which is why watching one can
feel so powerful. “They still
captivate us, even after millions of
years,” says Fiona. Add an outside
meditation session or gentle yoga
to the end of your day to double
the effects of the cooler colours on
Fiona Austin is a positive
your health. psychologist specialising in anxiety.
There are so many benefits to be Visit counselling-directory.org.uk
found in the bouquet of colours to find out more.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 33
 Homemade hummus
Take a mindful
moment in the kitchen
to whip up this tasty dip
This recipe utilises ingredients
you may already have lying
around, and while hummus isn’t
the most expensive item to pick
up in stores, by creating your
own at home, you’ll have the
bonus of knowing exactly what
is going in it!
Research has linked this
tasty dip to certain health
benefits too, such as fighting
inflammation, improving blood
sugar control, and supporting
digestive health, plus making
something from scratch can be
incredibly rewarding, as well as
a mindful experience. Let’s get
cracking…
34 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
INGREDIENTS
1 can of chickpeas
80ml extra virgin olive oil
3 tbsp tahini
1 garlic clove
Squeeze of lemon juice
Optional to serve
Crudites (carrot, celery, peppers)
or pitta bread
METHOD
1. Drain your tinned chickpeas
and rinse thoroughly. Look to
catch the aquafaba (starchy
liquid the chickpeas are stored
in) as you can use this later.
2. Using a blender, blitz the
chickpeas and olive oil until it
reaches a smooth consistency.
3. Add in the tahini, garlic and
lemon juice, along with a
tablespoon at a time of the
chickpea liquid and mix well
– alternatively you can use
normal water if you weren’t
able to save the aquafaba.
When you’re happy with the
consistency (smooth and easily
dippable), you can stop adding
the aquafaba/water (around
30ml).
4. You can adapt this recipe with
any additional seasonings you
want to try to create your own
perfect flavour blend. Use
chopped carrot sticks, celery,
bell peppers or toasted pitta
bread to dip in. Enjoy!
 a new approach

The down-low
on crypto
As trading and investing in cryptocurrency is becoming increasingly
popular, how can you tell when a relationship with a new
financial venture is becoming unhealthy?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

B
itcoin, ethereum, binance
coin, cardano, dogecoin…
If that list means more to
you than just a collection
of random words, then you
probably already know about
cryptocurrency and its growing
relevance in our modern society.
For those unfamiliar with
cryptocurrencies, they’re digital
currencies that are not produced
by banks or governments, but
which can be traded like a
commodity and be exchanged
online for some goods and
services – and, today, they’re
becoming increasingly present in
our lives.
According to Bloomberg,
digital currencies have a value of
around $2 trillion, with investors
and traders rushing to get in on
the action. But the precise value
of cryptocurrencies fluctuates
regularly, and so they are often
seen as an investment in tech
stock – which means that people
can both lose and make a profit,
in a similar way to investing
in stocks and shares – except
cryptocurrencies are not regulated
in the UK, which means people
are not covered by consumer
protection laws if their funds are
lost for any reason.
But with success stories and
adverts for crypto trading
platforms sneaking into our
lives by way of everything from
billboards to sponsored content on
influencers’ feeds, crypto seems
like a viable way to make money
in 2022. Although as the big wins
can equally come with big losses,
should we be wary of a possible
link to gambling? Andrew Harvey,
from Addictions Counselling
Nottingham, thinks so.
“These activities can share
similar processes to other
behavioural addictions, for
example, gambling, which
we know, for some, is highly
addictive,” he explains. “The
behaviour can provide feelings
of positive reward, escape,
chance, excitement, and a ‘fix’
– all of these things contribute
to its addictive and compulsive
nature, for some. Like gambling >>>

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 35
 “
It’s very easy to
mistake luck for skill
addiction, the negative
consequences can be far-
reaching and devastating.”
When it comes to crypto, the
risk of developing an unhealthy
relationship with it is heightened
by a number of factors – the first
being that, unlike with traditional
gambling sites, there’s currently
no lower age restriction on
trading crypto, and the internet
is flooded with advice on how
to work around the established
sites, like Coinbase and PayPal,
that do ask for age verification.
36 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
The second risk comes from the
volatility of the market. Because
cryptocurrencies are a fairly new
asset, they don’t have the stability
of traditional assets, like stocks or
bonds. Additionally, those fluxes
in value are very sensitive to all
manner of things, from news
cycles to institutional pressures,
and panic buying and selling.
Many resources warning
about the risks of investing also
reference the ‘cryptocurrency
bubble’ – when people invest in
a specific asset without really
knowing what it is, simply
because they see others doing it
– which also boosts an asset that,
ultimately, doesn’t have a lot of
real value behind it, only adding
to the volatility. With all that
considered, even experienced
traders are taking risks constantly
when trading, and it’s very easy to
mistake luck for skill.
Despite this, there are positives
to cryptocurrency trading, and
its growing popularity can’t be
denied. So, how can we stay safe
when trading, and what are the

Where to find help
If you’re worried about your
relationship with trading and
gambling, the following services
are there to help you:
GamCare
Discover support for problem
gambling for yourself, and for a
loved one, and connect with an
advisor via their 24/7 free helpline on
0808 8020 133, start a live chat with
an advisor, join a group chat with
others in similar situations, or browse
forums – all on gamcare.org.uk
Castle Craig
Castle Craig is a rehabilitation clinic
in the UK, and one of the only ones
that offer specialist treatment for
cryptocurrency addictions. You can
find plenty more information about
this specific addiction, what causes
it, and how to find the best help, by
visiting castlecraig.co.uk
signs that your relationship with
risky financial endeavours has
become unhealthy?
“Things that might indicate
compulsive or addictive
struggles could include an
‘over’ preoccupation with the
activity, loss, or a lacking of
control, ‘chasing losses’, feeling
irritable if not able to engage
in the activity, dishonesty in
relation to it, and concerns
expressed by others,” Andrew
explains. “Any of these may
indicate a problematic pattern
of engaging in these forms of
trading. Unfortunately, like
other addictions, for the person
struggling it can be hard to spot
these things when it has become
an issue.
“One way to understand your
relationship with trading is to
stop for a while, and see how
that feels; is it difficult? Do
you find yourself dealing with
difficult feelings that you might
have been distracted from? Do
you pick up some other activity
or substance as a substitute? The
answers to these questions can
sometimes help you understand
more about your relationship
with trading.
“If you are trading to change
the way you feel, you might want
to seek healthier ways to do that,
a new approach
and/or address the source of
your difficult feelings.”
Andrew recommends
approaching cryptocurrencies
with caution, making sure that
you set limits in terms of time
and money, and if you find
yourself going over those limits,
he suggests taking some time to
question why you’re doing that,
and assess whether it could be a
warning sign.
Beyond that, be aware and
realistic about the risks.
Take time to thoroughly
research whatever it is that
you’re considering investing
in, approach stories about
quick and easy money with
scepticism, and if you find
yourself exhibiting some of the
signs that Andrew outlined,
take a step back, and reach out
for help if you need it.
The world of cryptocurrency
can feel like a minefield, and
it can take time and patience
to get your head around the
various risks and processes.
But while the landscape is
uncertain, one thing’s for sure:
cryptocurrencies aren’t going
anywhere any time soon.
For more information and support
for gambling addiction, visit
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 37
 How to handle
first-time buyer stress
How to handle
Purchasing your first home can feel like a huge undertaking, but we’re breaking
it down into manageable steps to help you over that threshold
First Time buyer Stress Writing | Amber Tennant Illustrating | Rosan Magar

££

B
uying a first home is a
milestone that many aim
to achieve. Yet, it can also
come with lots of ups
and downs. To name just a few,
as a first-time buyer you might
struggle to find a suitable property
or mortgage, have trouble with
difficult sellers, experience delays
in a property chain, or have a
survey that reveals some problems
with your property.
With so many potential
challenges, it is easy to see how the
process can feel overwhelming.
According to a survey by the bank
Aldermore, more than half (52%)
of first-time buyers questioned said
they were made ill by the stresses
of the process.
Here, we look at practical ways
you can help yourself feel less
stressed when buying a house for
the first time:
1. Think of the bigger picture
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the
day-to-day stresses of buying a
home, and lose sight of the bigger
picture.

38 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Perhaps you’re looking forward
to having a place to call your own
after living with housemates or
parents. Maybe you’re moving
into a bigger space after having
children, or perhaps your
relationship is progressing and
you’re buying a home with a
partner. You could also take
a moment to remember why
you love your future home, and
picture yourself there. It might
be that your chosen place has a
lovely garden, or that it’s more
conveniently located for your
social life.
Whatever your motivations for
homeownership might be, keep
them close in your mind and use
them to help you manage the
more stressful moments.
2. Seek support from
friends and family
There are many people who can
support you through the highs
and lows of buying a home, and
looking to your loved ones for
support can really help. Family
members and friends may be
able to provide some words of
reassurance and encouragement,
or simply a cup of tea and a
friendly face during stressful
times. If you’re buying with
a partner, you can also seek
comfort and support in the
shared experience.
3. Do your research and
speak to professionals
One reason why the home buying
process can be stressful is that it
is mystified by jargon we may not
fully understand at first glance.
With lots of new information to
make sense of, breaking down the
wellbeing
various stages involved will go a
long way to reduce any stress and
worry. This is where doing your
own research and speaking to
professionals may come in handy.
A mortgage broker, if you
decide to use one, can help
you understand the process
of applying for a mortgage
and advise about the different
products available. A conveyancer
can explain the legal and financial
side of making a purchase. Don’t
feel afraid to reach out too, if
you’re feeling unsure.
4. Make a to-do list
When buying your first home,
there’s so much to think about.
You can help yourself feel less
overwhelmed by creating a to-do Whatever your
list of actionable tasks, such as
booking a removal van, making
motivations for
a list of furniture, planning homeownership
budgets and so on. Once you have might be, keep them
everything you need to do in one
place, you won’t have to worry
close in your mind
about forgetting anything. deal with any home-buying tasks,
to make sure it doesn’t take up
5. Take breaks, and your whole day.
keep a routine
Making time to do something 6. Understand it’s OK to
you enjoy can help relieve stress feel nervous or worried
by giving you something to focus Buying a house is a significant
on that is non-home related, and financial and personal
allowing you a break from any commitment. It’s OK to feel
challenges you may experience. daunted by such a big step, so
Following a regular routine don’t give yourself a hard time if
can also give you a sense of you feel a little worried.
predictability, which can be Remember, stay focused on
helpful when going through the end goal, lean on loved ones
something unfamiliar. For for support, speak to relevant
example, going to bed and getting professionals if you need
up at similar times each day or information and advice, and stay
making regular plans with friends. positive – before you know it you’ll
It could also be helpful to have a be picking up the keys to your
dedicated time during the day to very first home.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 39
 Don’t judge each day by
the harvest you reap but
by the seeds that you plant
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

Photography | Brooke Cagle

40 | Issue XX | happiful.com

A mindful moment:
outdoors art
We’re sharing four mindful artistic activities you
can try while engaging with the natural world
Writing | Rebecca Thair
G
etting crafty can do
wonders for your
wellbeing, from
reducing stress, and
helping to express yourself, to
improving your self-esteem with
a sense of accomplishment.
And the thing is you don’t have
to be a budding Picasso to reap
the benefits; it’s not about the
outcome, or a gallery-worthy
creation. This is about how
art makes you feel, the joy of
creation, and the exploration of
your emotions.
And combining these benefits
with the wonders of nature just
gives the whole activity an added
boost. To really get mindful
about it, consider your posture
and how you are interacting
with the artwork. Can you feel
different textures, the sun on
your skin, or the breeze brushing
over you as you work? Follow
your instincts about what you
want to draw, sketch, paint etc.,
and don’t put any pressure on
yourself if you make a mistake, or
it doesn’t look how you planned.
This is expressive; this is about
connecting with the world
around you deeply and intuitively
for a moment.
try this at home
1. Take a sketchbook. A simple
notebook and pencil could
transform your next wander
through the woods. When
something catches your eye,
settle down in the peaceful
surroundings and connect
with them. Try to take in
every little detail you can to
see that natural element in a
new light.
2. Use a camera. The art of
photography is that you can
really focus on what’s in front
of you and forget the rest
of the world, and anything you look at what’s in front of
worrying you. Consider the you changes when you see it
composition of your shot, through a new perspective.
and what feeling you want to
evoke – do you want to take 4. Try crayon etching. This can
pictures of the same space at be a fun pastime that harks
different times of the day to back to childhood, so could
see how the mood changes? be a great family activity to
get everyone involved. Simply
3. Focus on colour. Whatever collect a range of leaves on
medium you prefer to use, a woodland walk, then place
you could experiment with a piece of paper over them
the hues of the natural world and rub a crayon across the
by drawing or painting what page. The imprint of the leaf,
you see, but in a colour that with all its intricate veins, will
reflects how it makes you show through, allowing you to
feel, or your emotions at the appreciate all its details that
time. You might find the way might usually pass you by.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 41
 ng ly
song
10 so rics th
lyrics that gett
at ge
ental he
mental
m alth ri
health ght
right
There is much comfort to be found in words that so effortlessly tap into whatever
it is we might be experiencing, and the power of song is something many of
us are familiar with. Here, we round up 10 song lyrics that get it right
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

‘Help me, it's like the walls are Research has found that our
caving in / Sometimes I feel like dopamine levels can grow
up to 9% higher when we’re
giving up / But I just can't’ listening to music we enjoy
Shawn Mendes, ‘In My Blood’
In a 2020 interview with Apple Music, shared on YouTube, Shawn said
‘It doesn’t
about the song: “Growing up, I was a pretty calm kid. I knew people
who suffered from anxiety, found it kind of hard to understand, and matter when
then when it hits you, you’re like, oh my God.” you bloom / It
A powerful ode to the experience of feeling gripped by anxiety, ‘In My matters that
Blood’ is also a song about holding on through the hard times.
you do’
The Secret Sisters,
‘I have emotional motion sickness / ‘Late Bloomer’
Somebody roll the windows down’ In a feel-good song that’s
guaranteed to uplift anyone who
Phoebe Bridgers, ‘Motion Sickness’ has ever felt like a ‘late bloomer’,
Inspired by an abusive relationship with a famous, disgraced music this track perfectly captures the
producer, ‘Motion Sickness’ captures the destabilising and complex feeling of lagging behind the
feelings that can come with being in a controlling and coercive people around you, while repeating
relationship. With a dream-like yet relentless sound, this song is an that important reminder of the
empowering exploration of a devastating romantic dynamic. value of moving at your own pace.

‘​​Bad times turn to
good memories, smile
/ Even when I'm gone
and you remember
me, smile’
Jay-Z, ‘Smile’
In this track, Jay-Z reflects on
the bad memories he has from
throughout his life, and considers
the way that they have made him
who he is today. The song was also
the first instance where his mother,
Gloria Carter, came out – and the
song ends with a moving spoken
outro by her where she touchingly
speaks on the experience of coming
out later in life.

42 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

‘Well I’ll keep
moving (moving on) /
Things are bound to
be improving / These
days, one of these
days’
Jackson Browne, ‘These Days’
Most of us can relate to the feeling
of being world-weary at times,
when the daily grind gets you
down. ‘These Days’ perfectly
captures that lethargy, but with a
hopeful twist that believes that,
one of these days, things will get
better. Though it’s been covered
by many artists over the years, the
original was written by Jackson
Browne at the age of 16, yet it still
resonates with many today.
positive pointers
‘Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry
about? / You’d better cool it off
before you burn it out’
Billy Joel, ‘Vienna’ believe they don’t exist. They [the
Truth be told, we could have people in Vienna] don’t feel like
picked any line from ‘Vienna’, that. In a lot of these older places
the masterpiece – and personal in the world, they value their older
favourite of Billy Joel’s – is an people and their older people
anthem for slowing down, and feel they can still be a part of the
going easy on yourself. community and I thought ‘This
Inspired by a trip to Vienna, in a is a terrific idea’ – that old people
2008 New York Times article, Billy are useful – and that means I don’t
Joel said: “We treat old people in have to worry so much about
this country pretty badly. We put getting old because I can still have
them in rest homes, we kinda kick a use in this world in my old age. I
them under the rug and make thought ‘Vienna waits for you…’” >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 43
 ‘(Hard times) Gonna make you wonder
why you even try / (Hard times) Gonna
take you down and laugh when you
cry / (These lives) And I still don't
know how I even survive’
Paramore, ‘Hard Times’ ‘Time goes by and I
This, perhaps deceptively bouncy, song was inspired by lead singer can’t control my mind
Hayley Williams’ experience with depression in 2016. Working through
the thoughts that can come with being in this emotional space with a
/ Don’t know what
driving rhythm, many interpret the track to be replicating a tendency to else to try, but you
overcompensate happiness when you’re feeling anything but. tell me every time /
Just keep breathin’
‘I'll make you OK and and breathin’ and
drive them away / breathin’ and
The images stuck in breathin’
your head’ Ariana Grande, ‘Breathin’
Elliott Smith, ‘Between the Bars’ In 2018, Ariana Grande told
As many of Elliott Smith’s songs ‘Don’t hesitate / Time Vogue: “I think a lot of people
were, ‘Between the Bars’ is heals the pain / You have anxiety, especially right now.
inspired by his own struggle with ain’t the problem’ My anxiety has anxiety… [but]
addiction. Many interpretations I’ve never really spoken about it
of this song see ‘alcohol’ as the Michael Kiwanuka, ‘You Ain’t the because I thought everyone had
narrator, speaking to Elliott, and Problem’ it, but when I got home from tour
exploring the cruel power of In this toe-tapping fusion of soul, it was the most severe I think it’s
addiction. Famously used in the funk, and rock, Michael Kiwanuka ever been.”
soundtrack for the Oscar-winning opens up a rallying call to let go This song explores her own
film Good Will Hunting, this of shame and self-blame, to let experience with anxiety, and
simple but touching track has a yourself off the hook, and to keep serves as a reminder to keep on
unique power to move. on persevering despite it all. breathing through it.

44 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Reset your sleep
schedule in three days
Whether you’re coming out the other side of a long weekend, the clocks
have changed, or you’ve been making the most of your time off with
some well-earned relaxation, discover how to reset your body clock fast
S
leep: it’s essential.
Getting a good night’s
rest allows your body
and mind to recharge,
helping you to feel ready,
refreshed, and alert for the day
ahead. Without good quality
sleep, we’re not only left feeling
grumpy and unfocused, we could
actually be putting our health at
risk, too.
One in three of us suffers from
poor sleep. But when a bad
night’s sleep turns into a regular
occurrence, we put ourselves at
risk of a number of physical and
mental health problems. If you
find yourself watching the clock
and longing for a nap, chances
are, you aren’t getting enough
shut-eye.
Knowing we need more
sleep, and actually resetting
our schedules can be two very
different things though. Long
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
weekend nights can lead to our bed
and waking times slipping further
and further back. Well-earned days
relaxing during our time off can
result in us not feeling tired come
bedtime, while the clocks going
back each October or forward in
March can leave us feeling groggy
and confused.
But as tempting as it is to break
the healthy habits we’ve built,
psychotherapist Heather Darwall-
Smith explains that creating a
routine is key to getting a better
night’s sleep.
“My golden rule is to have
a consistent wake-up time,
combined with light exposure,
movement, and a protein-based
breakfast. Our body clock responds
to several environmental cues –
sunlight, mealtimes, and exercise.
“Waking up at the same time
every day is about training the
brain to reset its sleep timing and
wellbeing
build a consistent rhythm in the
body. This consistency means
your circadian rhythm and sleep
pressure align to create the
opportunity for sleep each night.”
Another important factor
is to cut yourself some slack
if your routine is disturbed.
As Heather explains: “A rigid
night-time routine can be
problematic in trying to fix
sleep issues. People panic if they
can’t fulfil that routine because
of an unexpected late-night,
travel, etc. Make sure you allow
yourself time to wind down after
the day, give yourself time to get
the sleep you need, but focus
more on your wake-up routine.”
To help you get your sleep
schedule back on track,
the sleep experts from
MattressNextDay have shared
their guide to reset your body
clock in three days. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 45
 Learning to step
away from screens
is essential to
improving sleep

DAY ONE

Wake up: 10am

Bedtime: 11pm

Today’s plan: Exercise and hydrate

If you’re getting started over a

bank holiday weekend, it’s best to
begin on a Saturday. To help you
feel ready to fall asleep on time,
try to fit in a 30-minute workout.
Research has shown that moderate
exercise can not only boost
your mood, but can help those
experiencing sleep issues such as
insomnia to fall asleep faster and
for longer, experiencing a better
quality of sleep overall. Exercise
can also act as a natural stress
reliever which, in turn, can help
you to feel calmer and ready to
switch off at the end of the day.
Be sure to drink plenty of water
as well. Even mild dehydration
can leave you feeling sleepy and
lethargic throughout the day,
with research showing it can
negatively impact our ability to
complete tasks that require our
concentration, coordination, or
more complex problem-solving
skills. Keeping a bottle of water
with you can help to remind you
to keep drinking, while helping
you to avoid the pitfalls of hidden
caffeine boosts.
Ensuring you cut down on screen
time before bed can also be key
to helping reset your body clock
more quickly. Heather explains:
“Avoid blue light (especially from
your smartphone) between 11pm
and 4am. Light exposure at the
wrong time confuses the region
of the brain that tells us to wake
up. Stepping away from screens is
essential to improving sleep.”

46 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

DAY TWO
Wake up: 8am
Bedtime: 11pm
Today’s plan: Sunlight, limited
naps, and limited alcohol
For day two, kickstart your
morning by opening your curtains
to get some early morning rays.
Bright light signals for your brain
to stop producing melatonin (the
sleep hormone), which makes
you feel drowsy. Getting outside
for as little as 10 minutes can
help to increase your vitamin D
levels, which plays an important
role in our mental and physical
health, particularly with regards to
supporting healthy brain function
and our immune system.
Vitamin D not only helps keep
our bones, teeth, and muscles
healthy, it can also play a huge
role in regulating your mood.
Not getting enough can lead to an
overall sense of tiredness, aches,
pains, and not feeling well.
While napping isn’t ideal,
catching a quick 10–20 minute
snooze if you need to is OK. Just
make sure you’re doing it as soon
as possible. The longer you wait,
the closer bedtime creeps and
the more likely you are to disrupt
your sleep schedule. By limiting
yourself to 30 minutes or less, you
reduce your chance of entering
deep sleep, and waking up groggy.
Alcohol can reduce your REM
sleep. By limiting your alcohol
intake, you reduce the likelihood
of it disrupting your sleep and
causing excessive tiredness the
next day.
wellbeing
DAY THREE
Wake up: 6–7am (or as early as
you need for work)
Bedtime: 10pm
Today’s plan: Good food, limited
caffeine, calming night-time
routines
What you eat can have a huge
impact on how you sleep. Diet and
sleep quality are closely linked.
Get your day off to a good start by
having a balanced breakfast with
healthy fats and lean protein for
an early morning energy boost.
Limit your caffeine intake by
cutting back on coffee or switching
to herbal tea to avoid relying on
short-term energy boosts that may
leave you feeling groggy.
Your cortisol levels (the stress
hormone) can leave you feeling
more awake, so it’s important to
maintain a sustainable, relaxing
night-time routine. Stretching,
mindful meditation, yoga, or
having a hot bath can all be
simple ways of unwinding without
screens.
Heather Darwall-Smith is a
psychotherapist and author with a
specialist interest in insomnia.
To learn more about good
sleep hygiene and how to
handle problems with sleep, visit
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 47
 Rise and shine!
Two breakfast recipes to help you start your day the right way
I
t’s good to start your day by
providing your body with
the fuel and nourishment it
needs, and breakfast is your first
opportunity to do this. But when
breakfast time rolls around, we
can often feel stumped as to
what to actually have. The good
news is that I’ve got two recipes
‘Cherry Bakewell’
overnight oats
Serves 1
Ingredients
• 80g frozen cherries
• 30g porridge oats
• 3 tbsp Greek yoghurt (or
plant-based alternative)
• 1 tbsp almond flakes
• Sprinkling of brown sugar
TIP: I like to add a bit of brown sugar
as it slightly melts overnight and
gives a nice caramel colour, as well as
a bit of crunchiness and sweetness.
48 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
Writing | Patrycja Tobolska
to share with you that are both
simple to make and perfect for
on the go.
TIP: For breakfast, always try to
include at least one portion of
fruit and/or vegetables, and choose
higher fibre and protein sources
(e.g. yoghurt).
Method:
• Add the frozen cherries
to a small bowl.
• Next, add the porridge
oats and yoghurt.
• Gently combine the
ingredients, making sure
the oats are well covered
with the yoghurt.
• Mix in the almond flakes.
• Sprinkle some brown sugar
on the top.
• Cover and chill the oats in
the fridge overnight.
• Remove from the fridge
when ready to eat.
Dark chocolate flapjacks
Ingredients
• 100g 70% dark chocolate
• 150ml milk of choice
• 2 tbsp honey
• 140g porridge oats
Method:
• Put a pot of water on the
stove. Once boiling, reduce
to a low simmer.
• Break the chocolate and put it
in a heat-safe bowl that will fit
tightly over the top of the pot of
water. The bottom of the bowl
should not touch the water.
• Add the bowl with the
chocolate on top of the pot,
stirring until melted.
• Slowly add the milk and
honey to the melted chocolate,
stirring gently.
• When smooth, remove
the bowl from the pot.
• Place the oats in a small,
non-stick baking tin. Pour the
melted chocolate mixture over
the oats, making sure they are
well covered.
• Press the mixture down
firmly so that it fills the tin
and is an even thickness.
• Cover and allow to cool
overnight.
• Once cool, cut into squares and
place in a sealed container until
ready to eat.
 food & health

The healthy bit

Oats are high in vitamins and

minerals, but also are a great
source of fibre and protein.
The soluble fibre helps reduce
cholesterol and blood sugar levels,
as well as promoting healthy gut
bacteria. Another benefit of a diet
rich in fibre is that it can prevent
constipation and lower your risks
of developing colorectal cancer.
Dark chocolate (minimum 70%
cocoa) is rich in minerals such
as iron, magnesium, copper,
and manganese, to name a few,
and the cocoa offers a powerful
source of antioxidants. Of course,
chocolate is also high in calories,
fat, and sugar, so remember to
eat it in moderation. A daily 20g
portion (about two large squares)
may be incorporated into a varied
and balanced diet.
Frozen fruits are healthy and
affordable. Usually picked at peak
ripeness, they are packed within
a few hours of harvesting to
maintain their nutritional value.
Fresh, frozen or tinned, they all
count towards your five-a-day!
Cherries are packed with various
nutrients, including vitamin C,
potassium, and copper, and are a
great source of fibre. Cherries are
also high in antioxidants and anti-
inflammatory compounds.
In general, frozen fruits are a
great alternative, as they stay
fresher for longer and can help
you reduce food waste and trips to
the supermarket.

Patrycja Tobolska is a
nutritionist, helping clients
lead a healthier lifestyle.
Find more on her profile at
nutritionist-resource.org.uk

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 49
 Happiful recommends
From the podcast that’ll have you reflecting on your life so far, to the course that
will broaden your horizons, open your mind to our latest top recommendations

3
ACT OF KINDNESS

Donate to or volunteer with Strut Safe

1
Strut Safe is a new initiative that offers a free phone
service for people in the UK to call while walking home alone – with
volunteers staying on the line until callers are safely home. Relying
entirely on donations and volunteers to run the phone lines, support is
needed to grow the service. Could you help? (Head to strutsafe.org)

PAGE-TURNERS

My Tiny Kitchen Garden
by Felicity Hart
If you have limited space, or no
outdoor space at all, but have
always dreamed of growing
your own food, then this is the
book for you. From covering
the basics of micro-gardening
4
LEND US YOUR EARS
‘The Way We Are with Munroe Bergdorf’
Join activist and writer Munroe Bergdorf and her guests
each week as they reflect on their personal journeys of
growth. Exploring how the events of their lives have shaped
the people they are today, tune-in to this celebration of the things that
make us who we are. (Available on all podcasting platforms)

5
to plant profiles that’ll help you
choose what to grow, get your PLUGGED-IN
green fingers ready for this
fruitful read. Carissa Potter Carlson
(Out now, £8.99, Summersdale) You know that
moment where you come
across something that perfectly

2
OUT AND ABOUT captures a thought or feeling
you thought no one but you
Cloud watching had? Artist Carissa Potter
If, when you read ‘cloud watching’ you brushed it off as Carlson’s Instagram feed is
something whimsical and unexciting, think again. Sitting dedicated to creating those
back and watching the clouds go by can be a wonderful exercise in moments, so that we can all
mindfulness, as well as a deeply relaxing pastime – whether you’re feel a little less alone. From the
eight or 88 years old. Take some time to really sit back and notice the hopeful to the honest, these
world around you, or sign up for the Cloud Appreciation Society, share simple illustrations pack a
in the wonder of our skies, and find cloudspotter groups near you. powerful message.
(cloudappreciationsociety.org) (Follow @peopleiveloved)

50 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
 culture

7
LESSON LEARNED

British Sign Language

If you’ve ever been interested in learning British
Sign Language, now is the time. Since the start of

6
TECH TIP-OFFS the pandemic, British Sign has introduced a ‘Pay it
Forward’ scheme, where you can now study a 20-hour CPD certified
Daily Bean course, and pay what you wish, starting from just £3. Work through
An easy, digital way to the course at your own pace, and help make the world a more
track your mood and the many accessible place. (Visit british-sign.co.uk)
variables that can affect it, Daily

8
Bean prompts you to fill out a log
each day so that you can trace
your wellbeing from one day to
the next. Customisable to your
own needs and circumstances,
and with a paid version that
offers in-depth stats and trends,
this app is a new way to get an
overview of where you’re at.
(Available on from the App Store
and Google Play Store)
GET GOING
Tai Chi
A traditional Chinese martial art
that is performed in a very slow
and graceful manner, Tai Chi is an
excellent way to get moving while
bringing some mindfulness into
your life. Follow tutorials online, or
learn routines that you can pick up
and take with you wherever you
WIN!

9
go, and enjoy the unique pleasure
SQUARE EYES of this ancient activity. (Search for
Tai Chi tutorials on YouTube)
Making Fun WIN A DROP OF
The premise is simple: each episode, kids pitch the team COLOUR PAINTING KIT
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tacos from its mouth, to an oversized guitar that doubles up as a boat For your chance to win a
– and the team then have the task of making their dreams a reality. It’s Drop of Colour painting kit
whacky, creative, and perfect for the whole family. (Available on Netflix) of your choice, simply email
your answer to the following
question to

10
TREAT YOURSELF competitions@happiful.com

Drop of Colour painting kit Cerulean is a shade

The perfect way to channel your creativity, the painting kits from Drop of which colour…
of Colour offer all that you need to create a painting from scratch.
Including brushes, high-quality paper, and paints, as well as a a) Yellow b) Blue c) Red
reference image and step-by-step instructions, this kit has everything
*Competition closes 19 May 2022. UK
beginners and pros alike need to grow your artistic skills. mainland and Northern Ireland only.
(From £14, dropofcolour.com) Good luck!

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 51
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12 I dos and don’ts to make
your wedding day less stressful
When somebody says ‘wedding’, what comes to mind? Big poofy
dresses, family, friends, sleepless nights, runaway budgets – wait, what?
A
wedding is supposed
to be the happiest
day of your life. Yet
so many of us feel
stressed, overwhelmed, and
unsure where to start when it
comes to planning our big day.
When I got engaged back in
2017, it took months for the
reality of it all to really sink in.
Then, the nerves hit. Just the
thought of people staring at us
all day and being the centre of
attention, let alone the thousands
of tiny things that could go
wrong, left me lying awake at
night. But things don’t have to be
the same for you.
From a bride who’s been there
herself, here are 12 dos and don’ts
to help make your wedding day
less stressful, and, instead, the
joyful occasion that you deserve.
1. Do… have big
conversations early
Before you get swept up in
dreams of a big white wedding
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
and tropical beaches,
make time to have ‘The Big
Conversation’ with your
partner. Setting a budget isn’t
sexy, but it’s the foundation
for everything that is to come.
Sit down and talk about what
you each want to get out of
your big day, and what you
can realistically contribute
financially. You can’t know
what’s best for your big day
until you start communicating.
Once you have a clear vision
of the budget and what’s most
important to each of you,
decisions and compromises
along the way will become
much easier.
2. Don’t… break your budget
Once you’ve got a figure
in mind, don’t give in to
temptation. Bigger bouquets,
designer dresses, higher-tier
wine packages, an extended
honeymoon… there’s always
going to be something bigger,
positive pointers
shinier, and more appealing. But
that doesn’t mean you should
risk blowing the budget for each
new idea that catches your fancy.
Keeping a close eye on your
finances can save you energy,
stress, and money, and means
you’re spending only on what
really matters to you.
3. Do… take time to
create a vision board
Creating a vision board isn’t just
about how you want your day to
look. It’s all about how you want
your day to feel. What do you want
your wedding to embody? Is it
about you as a couple, or a chance
to feel close to your family? Will
the guest list be in the single
digits, or is everyone invited?
Ensuring your vision matches up
with your partner’s can help the
decision-making process to feel
more cohesive, helping you feel
less overwhelmed when it comes
to all those little details along the
way. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 53
 You can’t know
what’s best for
your big day
until you start
communicating
4. Don’t… try to
please everyone
Everyone is going to have an
opinion about your wedding.
Whether that’s insisting that the
next-door neighbour’s daughter
just has to come, critiquing your
food choices, or questioning your
colour palette. And, chances are,
nobody’s going to think about how
sharing that opinion (often loudly)
is going to affect you. Before
you start to feel the pressure of
so many different voices, try to
remember: this is your big day.
Ultimately, the decisions are down
to you and nobody else.

5. Do… prioritise self-care

Having a sustainable self-care
routine isn’t about getting rid
of the bags under your eyes or
getting that perfect ‘wedding
glow’ for photos. It’s all about
making small changes to
boost your wellbeing. Try
experimenting to find out what
works best for you. That could
mean sitting alone with a cuppa
before the day has begun, or
spending the last 15 minutes
curled up alone with a good
book and no social media. Give
different techniques a try to help
optimise your me-time.

54 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

6. Don’t… worry about doing
everything right now
The average engagement lasts 18
months. You may want to dive
head-first into planning, but
try to be gentle with yourself.
Unless you’ve got a final payment
deadline looming, or are about
to lose the venue of your dreams,
chances are, you can take a
step back and put off selecting
the perfect shade of green for
another few days if you’re in need
of a breather.
7. Do… take time
away from planning
It’s easy to get caught up in the
excitement, but that initial buzz
can turn into an uncomfortable
pressure if you aren’t careful.
Setting expectations too high for
yourself, or approaching it as
something to please others and
appear ‘perfect’ is going to turn
it from a fun celebration into
a chore. Making time to enjoy
yourselves as a couple can help
to ease any growing anxiety,
and remind you both of what’s
really important: spending time
together.
8. Don’t… worry about
being selfish
People like to throw around the
terms ‘Bridezilla’ and ‘Groomzilla’,
but the thing is, this is your day.
It’s literally a celebration of your
union as a couple. As long as
you aren’t putting unreasonable
financial or emotional pressures
on loved ones, it’s OK to focus on
what will make you both happy,
and forget the rest.
9. Do… speak with an expert
If your nerves are really starting
to take a toll, there are numerous
avenues of support to help
you boost your confidence
or rediscover some calm.
Hypnotherapy can be a great tool
if you feel as if your anxiety is
getting out of hand, helping you
to uncover what’s causing these
deep-seated feelings, and to learn
healthy coping mechanisms to
get you through it.
Marriage is a
partnership. Start
out how you mean
to go on: share
the load with the
one you love
10. Don’t… do a diet/detox
The wedding industry may be
obsessed with dropping a dress
size, but, honestly? That mentality
just isn’t healthy. Preparing for
your wedding is stressful enough
without the additional pressure of
counting calories. If you want to
reevaluate your relationship with
food, working with a nutritionist
can help you to find a more
balanced, varied diet, and to boost
your energy levels. Don’t rely on
quick fixes to try to get a specific
‘look’. Focus on your health and
wellbeing first.
positive pointers
11. Do… remember you
have the final say
This is your big day. That
means you get to decide on
what happens. It’s never too
late to change plans, ditch
table decorations you’re having
second thoughts about, or
tweak the guest list to invite
just one more friend for the
evening. But you shouldn’t feel
pressured to make changes for
anyone other than you (and
your partner).
12. Don’t… risk looking back
and having regrets
Is there anything that you’ve
been hesitant about? Are there
any areas you’re worried may
be missing, or you wish could
be different if only…? Building
in time for reflection can
help you to identify if there
is anything you are clearly
going to regret doing or not
doing. You’re already spending
so much time and effort
planning your wedding. While
it’s unrealistic to think that
everything will go off without
a hitch, it’s OK to take time to
think about the big picture and
to make any changes while you
still have time.
Admitting that you’re feeling
anxious, worried, or even
scared about wedding planning
doesn’t mean you’re scared
of commitment. It’s OK to
reach out and ask for help and
support. Marriage is, after all, a
partnership. Start out how you
mean to go on, and share the
load with the one you love.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 55
Ask the experts
How can I improve my workplace relationships?

Executive coach Aaron Jude McCarthy shares

advice on navigating relationships at work

Read more about Aaron Jude McCarthy on lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Q
With remote working
becoming the norm, it’s
tough to feel connected
to colleagues. Do you
have any suggestions
for staying connected
when working
remotely?
and staying connected with
your boss. The ability to view
and communicate with your
team in real-time will enable
you to feel more connected
to them. To interact with co-
workers, you may also use
messaging tools such as Slack,
Whatsapp, or HipChat. This will
help you to remain up to speed
Additionally, make it a point
to communicate with your
co-workers frequently, even
if you aren’t directly involved
in the same project. This may
assist in keeping everyone on
the same page and preventing
any miscommunications from
occurring. By following these
suggestions, you will be able to

A When working remotely,

video conferencing
software is an excellent tool for
keeping in touch with co-workers
with what’s going on in the
workplace, and easily exchange
ideas and files with your
maintain contact with your
co-workers, and continue to
produce results when working
colleagues and co-workers. from a distance.

Q
Some relationships been upsetting you. Instead of may need to notify your manager
blaming, approach this talk as or HR. This should be the last
at work can become
an improvement to your working option, but it is occasionally
difficult. Do you relationship. required to maintain a healthy
have any tips for If the discussion goes well, you and productive workplace. In any
navigating this? can both agree to make concrete case, keep it professional and
modifications. Then, frequently avoid making it personal.

A If you’re having problems

with a colleague, attempt to
speak to them directly. Set up a
meeting or coffee conversation,
and bring instances of what has
check-in and be prepared to
alter your own behaviour if
required. Uneasy interactions do
not always go well. If talking to
your colleague doesn’t work, you
Difficult professional
relationships may be challenging
to navigate, but with a little
effort, they can frequently be
resolved.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

Q
What is one thing
managers can do to
improve communication
among their team?
A One thing that managers
can do to improve
communication within teams
is to urge their team members
to respectfully speak freely and
honestly with one another, even
when it is unpleasant or difficult
to do so. They can also make
certain that they are taking the
time to listen to what their team
members are saying, rather than
just waiting for their opportunity
to speak out.
Managers should also
establish an atmosphere where
communication is open and
effective, which will result in a
more productive team as a result.
A team’s ability to communicate
effectively is critical to its success.
Managers may assist their teams
in achieving better success by
enhancing communication
between them and their teams.
relationships
Aaron’s top tips for
building positive
relationships at work:
1. Make an effort to get
acquainted with your
co-workers. Take the time to
learn about their hobbies,
backgrounds, likes, dislikes,
and family relationships to
name a few examples.
2. Show genuine care and
interest in others’ wellbeing.
Make an extra effort to assist
others or provide a hand when
they are in need. Differences
should be respected.
Recognise that everyone has
their own unique set of ideas
and beliefs, and make an effort
to learn from them rather
than judge them. Cooperation
and collaboration with others
should be encouraged. Work
together to achieve shared
aims and objectives.
3. Be a good communicator.
Concentrate on paying
attention, communicating
clearly and concisely,
and attempting to avoid
confrontation wherever
feasible. By following these
suggestions, you may improve
your working relationships
with your co-workers. This
will make going to work more
pleasurable and productive for
you and your colleagues.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 57
 What to do if
you’re low on spoons
We all can find ourselves low on energy from time to time, but what can we
do to protect our remaining energy reserves from outside influences?
U
sing spoons to describe
energy levels has
become a popular way
to explain how draining
certain tasks or activities can be.
Originally used by the chronic
pain community to describe
energy and stamina, it has
since become a more widely
used metaphor for effectively
explaining your limits.
The basic idea is that the
number of spoons you have day-
to-day may vary, and each task or
activity you encounter will cost
you a certain number of spoons.
And for some people, once their
spoons are used up, that’s it.
So, what can you do if you find
yourself running low on spoons?
We share six ways you can try
to replenish your energy, and
protect your remaining spoons.
1. Switch up your environment
Retreating to the comfort of
home when we’re feeling low
is only natural. A familiar
environment offers a sense of
58 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
safety, and security. Yet getting
outside could have a significant
impact on our overall wellbeing.
Spending time in nature can
help alleviate stress, anxiety, and
even anger, as well as boost our
self-esteem. Making the most
of nature doesn’t just have to
mean going on a walk. Try forest
bathing, gardening, or even
simply spend time watching the
world go by from a park bench.
There’s no right or wrong way to
enjoy – and benefit from – nature.
2. Do something you love
For me, that’s embracing my
creative side, or indulging in a bit
of forward-planning. I might not
have the energy to write a new
article, but chances are, I do have
the spoons to research or map out
my ideas. For others, indulging
in an episode of your favourite
show or podcast might help you
to switch tracks and relax.
Disengaging with that little
part of your mind that wants
you to feel guilt, and engaging
with something that brings you
joy or fulfilment, can help you to
feel ready to face other tasks or
responsibilities.
3. Acknowledge and
honour your feelings
Pushing through and trying to
find hidden energy reserves
isn’t always the best answer. If
your mind or body is telling you
something, it’s a sign that you
should do your best to listen.
It’s OK to have days where you’re
running low on spoons. Take a
step back, and put your needs
first. There are rarely plans that
can’t be cancelled and rearranged
for a later date. If you struggle
with putting your needs first,
journaling can offer a surprisingly
impactful outlet.
Writing down how you are
feeling can help you to track
past ways you have coped with
challenging situations or low
energy levels, as well as to
acknowledge ways that have – and
haven’t helped you to feel rested.

4. Sustain, don’t drain
Surrounding yourself with pure
positivity isn’t all it’s cracked
up to be. When we focus just
on the positives, it can feel as
overwhelming as when we are
surrounded by those who focus
Engaging with solely on the negatives. Ensure
something that you are with people who can
brings you joy can offer you balance and space
when you’re feeling mentally (or
help you to feel ready physically) drained, rather than
to face other tasks pushing you past your limits.
food & health
5. Make time for
self-reflection
There’s nothing more frustrating
than having big plans that you
have to cancel at the last minute.
And having to cancel those plans
because of how you’re feeling? It
can leave you frustrated, angry,
disappointed, and guilty. Avoid
getting caught up in negative
emotions by taking time to reflect
on the situation.
Think about past similar
situations. What would happen
if you kept pushing yourself? Are
you doing what’s best for you?
What is specifically causing you
to experience these feelings?
Reflection helps us to better
understand ourselves and how we
cope with different situations.
6. Snuggle up
Hugs don’t just feel good, they’re
scientifically proven to be good
for us. Every time we hug, touch,
or sit close with someone we
care about, our bodies release
oxytocin. This helps us to feel
more relaxed, reduces anxiety,
promotes happiness, and creates
a sense of closeness with those
we love.
One study published in Holistic
Nursing Practice even suggested
that some forms of touch may
be capable of reducing pain,
while another study published
in the journal Emotion, revealed
that touch offers a multitude of
ways of communicating without
words. Who would have thought a
simple hug could be so powerful?
Perhaps it’s time for a snuggle, so
the only question is: who’s going
to be the big spoon?
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 59
 5 of the best
eco-friendly apps
Innovative apps to help
you support the planet
with the click of a button

My Footprint:
Climate & Nature
Created by
conservation
charity the World
Wildlife Fund (WWF), this handy
app provides you with a wealth
of detail on the latest facts and
info on climate change issues, as
well as enabling you to calculate
your carbon footprint, and see
how different areas of your life
contribute to this. With this
knowledge, you can then take
part in challenges of your choice
to help reduce your footprint,
sharing your progress with
friends and family, as you join
an online community working
together to try to do good.
HappyCow
This app allows
users anywhere in
the world to find
local vegan-friendly
food options, including takeaway
choices, gluten-free, and a range
Good On You
For the fashion
conscious, this app
is a must-have that
gives you the power
to check the impact of brands
on issues that mean most to you.
With more than 3,000 brands
currently listed, and the option
to request others to be added in
time, this is a handy source of
sustainable shopping information.
NoWaste Too Good To Go
Digitise your With the aim
fridge with this of reducing the
app that keeps monumental
track of what’s in amount of
your pantry, and reminds you of food waste from shops and
App icons | play.google.com

of cuisines. The community
aspect allows users to share
reviews and recommendations,
which can be helpful when
planning meals out for anyone
wanting to cut down on their meat
consumption.
expiration dates. A useful tool,
this can help you to use up foods
before they spoil, plan meals
more effectively, and even reduce
unnecessary expenditure with a
clearer overview of what’s in your
cupboards.
restaurants, this app helps
connect users with local
businesses that have unsold
produce to be collected for a
fraction of the cost. All you have
to do is search, place your order,
and go pick it up!

60 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

10 quick wins
for improving
wellbeing at work
Give your working life a boost with these quick and easy
wellbeing wins to transform your 9 to 5
W
ork can get
overwhelming at
times and, let’s be
honest, it’s easy
for workplace wellbeing to fall
off the agenda. There’s always
something getting in the way,
whether it’s battling your inbox,
dealing with difficult customers,
or trying to meet a deadline.
Taking care of yourself can feel
like one task too many on an
already overloaded to-do list.
Here’s the thing though: when
we prioritise wellness, those other
tasks don’t feel quite as stressful.
This is because we give ourselves
room to process, decompress, and
feel energised again. So, rather
than seeing ‘wellness’ as another
task on your list, consider it as a
tool to open up some space.
Not sure where to start? Here
are 10 quick wins you can
implement right now...
wellbeing
Writing | Kat Nicholls
1. Set reminders to move Try using your phone or
This one’s for those of us working calendar to send a reminder to
at desks and spending big chunks move your body (we love the
of the day sitting down. With Stand Up! app). Alternatively,
commuting out of the picture if your work sees you up on
for many, our step counts are your feet a lot of
dwindling dangerously low, and the time, use
when we’re ‘heads down’ on a a reminder
project, getting up for a stretch is to stretch it
the last thing on our mind. This out or have a
means we may need a little help quick sit down
from our tech. if you can.
2. Make break-time more fun
We all know breaks are good for us. Breaks help to reduce stress,
improve productivity and even encourage creative thinking – so why is it
so hard to take them sometimes? If this is something you struggle with,
we recommend creating a little incentive for yourself by making break-
times more fun.
What can you do on your breaks that will make you more inclined to
take them? Maybe it’s a daily doodle, a call with a friend, or catching
up on your favourite TV show. Whatever it is, make it something you’ll
really want to do, and never miss another break again. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 61
 3. Set (and communicate)
your boundaries
The landscape of work has
changed in the past couple of
years, and a lot of us are working
in new ways. Throughout this
upheaval, our boundaries around
work may have blurred. For
example, where you once left the
office bang on time, maybe now
you work from home you notice
work creeping into your evening.
Consider this a call to review
your boundaries around work.
Take a few minutes to write down
your boundaries (such as, “I
finish work at 5pm”) and remind
yourself how these will support
your wellbeing.
Finally, communicate them
with others. If you work different
hours now, let your co-workers
know when they can reach you
(and how). If your housemate
keeps interrupting you when
you’re working, explain to them
that you’re busy but can chat to
them during breaks. Remember,
boundaries only 5. Recognise your humanity
work if we We are not machines that power-
uphold them. up, churn out work, then power-
down. We’re humans with lives
outside of work and we’re affected
by what’s happening in those
lives. It’s also OK if you don’t feel
on top of your game every day,
4. Change your environment cafe, or even taking a notebook and it’s OK if your colleagues
If you’re able to change up your and going to your local park for don’t either.
working environment from some big-picture thinking. Remind yourself of your
time to time, give it a go! Being If you can’t leave your humanity during conversations
somewhere new can stimulate workplace, give it a spruce. with colleagues, ask them how
our creativity, and give us a Add some new pictures and they are, and check-in when big
motivational boost. This will plants, or reorganise your desk. global events are happening. Tell
depend on your role, but consider Tiny tweaks can make a big people how you’re feeling, and be
co-working spaces, heading to a difference. honest when you’re struggling.

62 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

We are not machines
that power-up, churn out
work, then power-down.
We’re humans with lives
outside of work, and
we’re affected by what’s
happening in those lives
6. Have non-work-related
conversations, too
With the previous tip in mind,
try to instigate some non-work
chats from time to time. If you’re
no longer working side-by-side
with your colleagues, isolation
can quickly kick in. And when the
only talk happening is centred
around work, it’s easy to lose any
sense of connection.
Use your instant messaging tool
to find out how people’s weekends
are, ask a colleague if they fancy
going for a coffee (in-person or
virtually). As well as keeping
you connected,
this opens the door
for conversations
around mental
health.
7. Switch up your snacks
If you’ve fallen into a snacking
rut, you’re not alone. Reaching
for a sugar boost at 3pm is
common, but how does this make
you feel in the long run? If it’s not
making you feel great, try adding
some variety in there. Opt for
fresh fruits, nuts and seeds, dark
chocolate, or peanut butter on
toast to give you a longer-lasting
energy boost.
8. Share wellbeing tips
Have you done an online fitness
class you loved? Tried a new
lunchtime recipe? Found a
new technique for dealing with
overwhelm? Don’t keep this
information to yourself; share it
with your colleagues! When you
encourage a culture of sharing at
work, you can learn from each
other, and everyone benefits.
9. Take sick days when
you need them
If you’re home-based, it may
feel as if you can still work when
you’re sick. After all, you’re not
going to make anyone else sick,
right? The problem is, when you
don’t take time off to rest, you run
the risk of making yourself more
unwell.
You deserve time to rest,
whether you’re feeling physically
or mentally unwell. Call in sick,
take the time you need, and
return when you feel ready.
wellbeing
10. Plan tomorrow, today
There’s nothing worse than
finishing work for the day and
spending the whole evening
thinking about what you need
to do the next day. Reduce
your mental load by writing up
tomorrow’s to-do list before you
finish work, so you can rest safe
in the knowledge that your tasks
for tomorrow are written down
and ready for you tomorrow.
Which of these tips feels easiest
for you right now? Whichever
one it is, implement it and see if
you notice a positive difference.
Keep going, gradually bringing in
more of these tips, and see how
they impact you. What works for
you? What doesn’t? There’s rarely
a one-size-fits-all approach when
it comes to wellness, so it’s up to
you to cultivate a practice that
suits you.
We spend around a third of our
lives working, and we deserve to
feel well while we’re doing it, so
it’s time to push wellness up the
agenda.
If you’re struggling with
work-related stress, you may
find it helpful to chat with a
therapist. Learn more at
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 63
 Eat to beat
acid reflux
After a big meal, do you get a burning sensation in the
chest, or the feeling of a lump in your throat? It might be
more than a bit of indigestion – and there are some simple
dietary changes that can help ease those acid attacks
Writing | Jenna Farmer

E
ver found yourself struck
with a burning sensation
in the throat or chest? Or
have issues with burping
and indigestion that make you
feel as if you’ve got a lump
in your throat? These are all
common acid reflux symptoms,
which, while not usually serious,
can be extremely uncomfortable
and impact your mental health.
A study of patients with reflux
found more than 40% of them
had anxiety, and 34% had
depression. Part of this may be
due to worrying about symptoms
and dealing with painful flare-
ups (which can make socialising
or eating your favourite foods
tricky).
While many with reflux need
to take medication (usually a
proton pump inhibitor, which
reduces the production of acid),
others can find diet changes
useful (whether tried alone or
alongside medication). This may
include avoiding certain trigger
foods, changing the times you
eat, or knowing what foods to
turn to when reflux flares. Here
are our top tips for eating to
beat acid reflux.
1. Consider your morning
brew carefully
Your morning cuppa could get
your reflux off to a bad start.
A recent study of more than
250,000 women with reflux,
found a correlation between
those who had the highest intake
of coffee, tea, and soda, and
reflux, while replacing these
with water reduced the risk.
“High caffeine intake of
more than the recommended
upper intake of 400mg per day
(around four coffees or six teas)
can cause the muscle into the
stomach to relax and open,
which allows acid to move up
into the oesophagus,” explains
nutritionist Shannon Western.
Switching to herbal tea may be
a helpful idea, but you may want
to hold the peppermint for now –
some people find this aggravates
their reflux rather than helping it.
2. Swap your takeaway
Many people notice
their reflux worsen after a
takeaway or a fancy meal out, but
why is this? Well, reflux symptoms
have been shown to happen
more often when people ate food
that was fatty, fried, or spicy –
something that we can often find
in our favourite takeaways.
“These can trigger reflux
because they cause the sphincter
into the stomach (a muscular
ring) to open up and let stomach
acid come up the oesophagus,”
explains Shannon.
That’s not to say takeaways
are out of the question, but you

64 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

might find some swaps could be
useful: if spicy foods are a trigger,
could you try a milder dish? If
fatty fried foods make your reflux
worse, then could you opt for a
lower-fat takeaway, such as sushi
or grilled fish?
3. Eat your dinner
earlier in the day
With busy days, many of us
might find ourselves not sitting
down for dinner until late in
the evening. This can cause
night-time reflux to strike – one
study found that increasing
the gap between dinner and
bedtime can help with GERD
(gastroesophageal reflux
disease), citing a gap of four
hours-plus the most useful.
While this isn’t always possible,
scheduling dinner earlier in the
day, or eating your biggest meal
at lunch, with a smaller supper,
might help.
4. Give ginger a go
While spicy food can be a trigger,
one spice that is thought to be
helpful in the battle against reflux
is ginger. Ginger is known for its
anti-nausea properties, which is
ideal since acid reflux can often
cause feelings of sickness (and
even vomiting, in rare cases).
It’s also known to support the
digestive tract in general: brew
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Some changes that
might be helpful
are ensuring you
eat in an upright
position, making
sure to chew food
properly, and don’t
leave too long
between eating
up ginger tea with fresh ginger
and lemon, or add a few pieces to
your stir fry.
5. Adopt a
Mediterranean diet
The Mediterranean diet has
been proven to have many
health benefits – from helping
to prevent cognitive decline to
slashing your risk of a heart
attack. But could it also help
you tackle reflux, too? There’s
some evidence to suggest it
might actually be as beneficial
as common reflux meds. One
study compared those treated
with PPIs to those who adopted
a plant-based Mediterranean >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 65
 diet (alongside alkaline water)
and found the latter was actually
more effective. A Mediterranean
diet focuses on wholegrain,
fruits, and vegetables, and avoids
processed foods and red meat.
6. Calcium-rich foods
could be helpful
We’ve all heard the remedy of
sipping on a glass of milk when
reflux strikes, but why is it so
effective? Well, it’s all to do with
high calcium content – which is
why calcium carbonate is often
the main ingredient of antacids
we take to neutralise our stomach
acid. Dietary calcium can help,
but be mindful of the foods you
use – for example, full-fat milk is
packed with calcium but you may
find the dairy or high fat content
exacerbates symptoms. There are
many other calcium-rich foods
that don’t contain dairy if that’s
on the list, such as fortified plant-
based milks and almonds.
7. Understand your
gut bacteria
The bacteria in our guts are
closely connected to reflux, even
though symptoms occur much
further up in the digestive tract.
Firstly, it’s important to know
about H. pylori – a bacterial
infection which is connected to
66 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
High caffeine intake
can cause the muscle
into the stomach to
relax and open, which
allows acid to move up
into the oesophagus
acid reflux. H. pylori can develop
from childhood, and may stay
in your stomach for decades
without causing any problems
– but, for some, it can go on to
cause stomach ulcers and reflux
symptoms. It’s important your
GP tests you for H. pylori if your
reflux is ongoing, and antibiotics
can be prescribed to quickly treat
the infection.
Even if you don’t have H. pylori,
you might find probiotics rather
than antibiotics worth trying
– while we don’t know much
yet about reflux and probiotics
in particular, they can help
support the overall health of your
digestive tract.
8. It’s not just about
what you eat
As well as considering the types
of food you eat (and when you eat
it), Shannon advises that how you
eat is just as important.
“Some changes that might be
helpful are ensuring you eat in
an upright position and avoid
lying down close to finishing a
meal, making sure to chew food
properly, and don’t leave too long
between eating (i.e. eating at least
every 3–4 hours),” she adds.
Diet change may not replace
medication, and it’s always
important to have a chat with your
GP before making any big changes,
but can be a great help when reflux
strikes. However, if your symptoms
don’t ease or suddenly worsen, do
make an appointment with your
GP as soon as possible.
Jenna Farmer is a freelance
journalist who specialises in
writing about gut health. She has
Crohn’s disease and blogs about her
journey to improve gut health at
abalancedbelly.co.uk
Shannon Western is a nutritionist who
specialises in disordered eating and
women’s health. Find out more by
visiting nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Not a ‘broken’ man,
just an introvert
Society expects males to be loud, swaggering, confident
alphas. But there is much to celebrate and admire in a quieter,
thoughtful, empathetic version of masculinity
T
ry to imagine a
conversation where
an extrovert is told:
‘You’re a bit loud
aren’t you?’ or ‘You talk too
much’ within the first few
minutes of meeting them. It’s
almost too rude to contemplate.
Alternatively, envision a world
where a member of the public
would pay for ‘self-reflection
building’ or ‘reticence classes’
to make themselves quieter.
Unthinkable, isn’t it?
However, I have been told
‘You don’t say much, do you?’ or
‘Why are you so quiet?’ even as
an adult, often delivered with a
clear and perceptible undertone
of negativity, combined with a
quizzical gaze.
Writing | David Bone
As a man, to be labelled as
introverted is one of the least
‘alpha’ traits that you can possess.
In the lexicon of unmasculine
phrases, it probably ranks above
‘light-weight’ or ‘meek’, although
not by much. In your teens, when
you’re already awkward and
vulnerable, it’s a social death knell.
During my own teenage
years, and well into my 20s,
I had the feeling that I was
somehow fundamentally broken,
particularly when compared with
my more boisterous male peers,
who appeared to be the exact
opposite to me.
Why was I quiet? Why did I
abhor presentations at school?
Why was I happiest in my own
thoughts, and why did I prefer
relationships
small gatherings to social
situations where there were large
numbers of people? If I wasn’t
familiar with someone, why didn’t
the conversation flow easily?
I knew that this didn’t put
people at ease. I knew it made
me seem aloof. (Some of this is
introversion, but some of this
is that you just have nothing in
common with certain people, and
that’s OK as well). You can guess
the (non)-affect this had on the
opposite sex at school.
Even to this day, in social
situations, I prefer to hover
about on the periphery of the
proceedings, rather than being in
the centre; a wallflower version
of Batman. A silent guardian, a
watchful protector. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 67

The hero the party deserves, but
not the one it needs right now. My
natural habitat is the ‘green room’
of the kitchen, rather than the
‘main stage’ of the living room.
These issues can be further
exacerbated by the way
‘masculinity’ was, and still is,
portrayed in the media, where
it can quickly morph into
the damaging toxic variety.
In this theatrical version,
the male of the species must
exude an almost overbearing
confidence; full of swagger,
sure of himself. He’ll get that
job and that partner. He’ll ace
that presentation in front of the
68 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
clients from Zurich, dine with
his future in-laws, and then meet
with a gathering of his clones,
all the while looking like a
chiselled Adonis.
If you don’t meet this, then
you’re simply less of a man.
Introversion is a pariah in this
scenario. There’s a reason that
Calvin Klein adverts haven’t
featured a man on a chair with a
book and a cup of camomile tea.
Indeed, to be an introverted
man is to face a degree of mild
societal ostracisation, mixed
with a degree of perceived
inadequacy. If you aren’t loud,
people don’t tend to notice you’re
even there. I have slipped out
of meetings without any of the
attendees noticing my absence.
The majority of workplace
seminars are geared to more
extroverted people. They rely
on clear and confident public
speaking to get your opinion
across, although on occasion
there may be some fluorescent
Post-it notes available.
Luckily for me, two events
happened. I discovered the
fantastic book Quiet: The Power
of Introverts in a World That
Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
(Thanks, Susan!) and it all really
fell into place. I possessed the
traits of an introverted person.
They were normal, and I should
be comfortable with them. I had
a unique set of skills that were
useful, required by wider society,
and ones that I could be proud of.
After this, I discovered a
number of supportive and
ultra-relatable Facebook pages:
‘Introverts are awesome’,

‘Introvert problems’, as well as
the blog ‘Introvert, Dear’. Here
were supportive, friendly, little
communities of people who were
having identical experiences
to me – and roughly half the
comments and posts were from
other men. There are now
thousands of articles, webpages,
and think pieces on introversion;
resources and opinions I wish I’d
had when growing up.
The ground has shifted so
much, at job interviews I now
mention that I’m an introvert;
listing the positive traits that
I can bring: more expressive
with the written word, more
empathetic (so much so,
that I’ve even felt ‘secondary
embarrassment’ on behalf of
strangers), the ability to focus on
tasks, good listener, and many,
many more. In the two jobs
where I mentioned this, I ended
up getting hired by the company,
so perhaps it’s something
employers are actively looking
for now. Also, depending on
what field you are in, there are
bound to be a few introverts
about, even in management.
Basically, you are what you
are. To an extent, everyone can
modify their behaviour to fit the
social environment. I’m sure
the most gregarious extrovert
would tone it down for a funeral.
Likewise, I know introverts can
manage feats of extroversion
when necessary. We need
extroverts as well. They are the
party masters, the organisers,
the social butterflies. I can even
talk to women nowadays, and
they don’t stare at me as if I’d just
asked them for a sponge bath.
But I also don’t believe that
you should attempt to totally
overhaul your personality to fit
It’s perfectly
reasonable to be
quiet and confident
in your own mind,
abilities, and beliefs
in with some vague feeling that
you aren’t talkative enough, or
feel bad because you feel nervous
about public speaking. The old
saying about banging square pegs
into round holes comes to mind.
It’s perfectly reasonable to be
quiet and confident in your own
mind, abilities, and beliefs, rather
than adhering to the false, toxic,
swaggering, exuberant male
archetypes shown in the media.
Basically, know thyself, and
remember that as a man, there
is no one masculine ideal. The
sense of mindfulness, peace, and
acceptance that comes from this
simple epiphany is liberating.
I’ve genuinely never looked back,
and I’m far happier with this
acceptance than with battling
my own introverted nature to
fit a noxious ideal that would
have made me depressed had I
reached it.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 69
 The greatest glory in living
lies not in never falling, but in
rising every time we fall
NELSON MANDELA

Photography | Joice Kelly

70 | Issue XX | happiful.com
 Happiful
reads...
From learning how to overcome
career challenges to a must-read
historical fiction, we share four books
you won’t want to miss this month
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird
S
ometimes we can be
our own worst enemy,
and feel like nothing
we do is ever quite
good enough. We might put
ourselves down, or fixate on
every mistake, and never
cut ourselves any slack. But
imagine how it would transform
our lives, and how good we
would feel, if we became our
own best friend instead. We
Must reads
The Sustainable
(ish) Living
Guide
by Jen Gale
Out now
If, like me, you’re
someone who
wants to put your all into
saving the planet but finds it
difficult to make time to do
Book covers | Amazon.co.uk
so, this guilt-free guide is for
you! Written by a mum of two
(who is already juggling a lot
of balls), it offers eco-tips and
family-friendly suggestions
for living sustainably in your
everyday routine.
are taught from an early age
to show kindness to others, but
why are we never taught how to
show it to ourselves?
This quick read by happiness
expert Domonique Berolucci
explores the ways you can feel
good and harness kindness
You Coach You by
Helen Tupper and
Sarah Ellis
Out now
Whoever told
you there was a
straight path to
success was wrong. Our career
path can be full of potential
and new opportunities, but that
progression also comes with
uncertainty. Written by career
experts, this book will help you
discover how to overcome career
challenges, and unlock your full
potential with the tools to be able
to coach yourself.
The Kindness Pact
by Domonique Bertolucci
Out now
through eight simple promises
to yourself. Packed with
humour and words of wisdom,
Domonique draws on inspiring
stories from her career as a life
coach to support us in our own
commitment to kindness.
Black Cake by
Charmaine
Wilkerson
Out now
Every family has
its secrets, right?
The passing of a
mother reunites two estranged
siblings on a journey to discover
their family secrets and
inheritance, but will they reclaim
their relationship and come
together to fulfil their mother’s
last wishes? Black Cake tastefully
bakes the way for romance,
secrets, and betrayal, leaving you
wanting to read more.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 71
 How to spot signs of
anxiety in children
Learn about the warning signs of worry and stress in kids
so that you can step in to offer support
Writing | Hasret Tekin

A
nxiety is simply an
activation in our
nervous system that
we also call the fight
or flight response. It warns
us against imminent physical
danger, such as a car coming
towards you as you are crossing
the road, or when perceived
psychological danger, such as a
big exam, is approaching.
Some childhood anxieties can
be completely age-appropriate.
For example, very young
children, under three years old,
may have separation anxiety –
they may cry when separated
from their parents or carer, and
become clingy. Some children,
particularly preschoolers, may
develop fears such as being
scared of the dark, or not wanting
to use the toilet seat. And school-
aged children may feel anxious,
particularly if they are in a new
situation or a new environment
– such as when starting at a new
school, or before a presentation
or exam. These are all part of
their normal daily life, and it’s OK
to feel this way.
But, anxiety becomes a
problem for children when
it starts to get in the way of
their everyday life. This might
present as them refusing to go to
school, or starting to experience
psychosomatic symptoms like
headaches and stomach aches, or
beginning to avoid big events.
You may notice some changes in
your child’s behaviours recently,
and are wondering whether your
child is experiencing anxiety or
not. You might be asking what the
signs of anxiety in children are,
and how can you support them?
Here, we explore some common
signs to watch out for.
1. Excessive anxiety and worry
Your child may lack the
confidence to try new things
or seem unable to face simple,
everyday challenges. If this is
the case, and you know a change
such as a house move is coming

72 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

up, prepare your child by talking
to them about what is going to
happen and why.
2. Inability to control fear or worry
Having a lot of negative thoughts,
or constantly thinking that bad
things are going to happen to
them, starting to avoid everyday
activities, and having overly
high expectations for their
schoolwork, homework, and
sports performance can be
signs that they’re not able to
control their worries. Try not
to become overprotective or
anxious yourself. Practise simple
relaxation techniques with your
child, such as taking three deep,
slow breaths – breathing in for a
count of three, and out for three.
3. Restlessness
Constantly fidgeting or squirming
can be an external sign of
anxiety. Having some sensory or
fidget toys may help your child
to calm their minds, and redirect
their energy, and there are plenty
of different options available to
purchase easily online.
4. Agitation and irritability
Anxious children may become
irritable, tearful, or clingy – or
have angry outbursts, including
tantrums and crying. Reassure
them and show them that you
understand how they feel. As well
as talking to your child about their
worries and anxiety, it’s important
to help them find solutions. Teach
your child to recognise signs of
anxiety in themselves.
5. Sleep disruption
Having difficulty sleeping,
waking in the night, starting
to wet the bed, having bad
dreams, and difficulty settling
down for bed can all be signals
of anxiety. Children of all ages
find routines reassuring, so try
to stick to regular daily routines
where possible. Worry jars are
particularly helpful for children,
where they can write down on
paper anything that’s worrying
them, and put these thoughts into
a jar. Pintrest has a lot of creative
ideas on this. Then you go through
the papers/worries together at the
end of the day or week.
Anxiety becomes
a problem for
children when it
starts to get in
the way of their
everyday life
6. Somatic symptoms
Anxiety can often come with
physical, somatic symptoms, such
as headaches, stomach aches, and
muscle tension. If your child is
old enough, it may help to explain
the physical effects anxiety has on
our bodies. It could also be useful
to describe anxiety as being like a
wave that builds up, and then ebbs
away again.
wellbeing
7. Avoidance
Refusing to go to school,
meltdowns before school
about minor things such as
clothing, hair, or shoes, and
meltdowns after school about
homework are things to watch
out for. Encourage your child to
manage their anxiety and ask
for help when they need it. If
your child is anxious because
of distressing events, such as
a bereavement or separation,
look for books or films that will
help them to understand their
emotions.
If your child’s anxiety is severe,
persists, and interferes with
their everyday life, it’s a good
idea to get some help. A visit to
a GP is a good place to start. If
your child’s anxiety is affecting
their school life, it would be
worth talking to their school as
well. Parents and carers can get
help and advice about children’s
mental health from Young
Minds’ free parent helpline on
0808 802 5544, from Monday to
Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.
Hasret Tekin is a child & adolescent
therapist specialising trauma.
Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 73
 I alone cannot change the world,
but I can cast a stone across the
waters to create many ripples
MOTHER TERESA

Photography | M.T ElGassier

74 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
Sophie L Morgan:

Intimately
speaking
At just 18 years old, a car crash
resulted in Sophie becoming
paralysed from the chest down.
Due to a lack of representation
of disabled people, Sophie had
no idea what her life had in store
– and whether sex would ever be
possible again.

Now an author, presenter,

and award-winning disability
advocate, Sophie is giving
a voice to disabled women,
sharing her dating journey, and
her search for her happy ending

Writing | Sophie L Morgan

W
hen I was 18 years
old, I’ll admit, I
was horny. The
kind of horny that
meant I was practically insatiable.
I loved boys, I loved the smell of
them, I loved the feel of them, I
loved nothing more than being on
top of them.
As a typical naughty teenage
girl, other than playing sports
or getting in trouble with my
girlfriends, my priority was to be
in the arms of a boy.
The day I received my A-level
results, I went to a party with my
friends to celebrate. On the way
home, I was so distracted by a boy
sitting beside me in the passenger
seat, a boy I had longed to be with,
that unfortunately, due to my lack
of driving experience and the fact
I was speeding, I lost control of
my car and crashed.
It wasn’t until a few days later
that I woke up in hospital and
found out the full extent of the
damage I had done to myself.
In the crash, my skull had been
fractured on impact, my nose
crushed by the steering wheel,
my jaw dislocated and eye socket
crushed, but worst of all, at the
place where my seatbelt crossed
my chest, my body had twisted
in the wrong direction and my
spine had been damaged. I was
told that I was paralysed from
the chest down, and that I would
never recover any movement or
feeling from there down, ever
again. >>>

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 75
 But, on hearing this distressing
news, my main concern wasn’t
about walking again, or about
running, kicking, or dancing, all I
could think about at that moment
was whether I would be able to
have sex again.
I had never met a paralysed
person before. In fact, I was the
first physically disabled person
I had ever met, and therefore I
had no idea what was possible
for a woman like me and, I
realise now, I did have some
very harmful ableist ideas about
disabled people – some of which
were soon solidified when most
of the boys in my life began to
reject me.
At that time, my rehabilitation
revolved around me regaining
my independence, learning how
to transfer into a wheelchair
for example, or learning how to
catheterise, and how to look after
my paralysed body, and I was so
consumed with these tasks that I
found the rejection too much to
deal with.
I decided to do all that I could to
put thoughts of my love life, and
certainly my sex life, to bed for
the time being, and concentrate
solely on getting home again
and rebuilding my life. But the
rejection cut me deep – more
deeply than I cared to admit –
and would take me years, decades
even, to recover from. Especially
when I did finally start dating
76 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
You don’t
nearly die once,
not to make
the most out
of living twice
again, and men treated me so
differently from how I had been
treated before my crash.
Since my car crash, I’ve had a
number of relationships, I even
got engaged once. But none of
them have been easy. Being
with a disabled girl appeared
to give men a licence to behave
like they were heroic, lapping
up praise from strangers for
being with someone like me.
But behind the scenes the
relationships were, at times,
toxic. There was the partner
that laughed at me when I fell
out of my wheelchair, the one
who would take my wheelchair
away from me when we had a
fight, the one who left me in the
sunshine to get second-degree
burns after we had a row, the
one who convinced me he
should have sex with someone
else as I couldn’t satisfy him.
Some of the relationships
were good, but many were
unhealthy. And it was due to
the fact that those ableist ideas
about what a disabled woman
like me deserved, had never been
resolved. Quite simply, I didn’t
think I was good enough for
anything better.
And then, a couple of years ago,
the day that lockdown happened,
my latest relationship ended.
Being single at 36 was not what
I had in mind. But it turned out
to be a blessing, as I decided to
write a book, a memoir about
what had happened to me.
In writing it, I looked back at my
past and realised how unhelpful
and damaging my beliefs have
been. I have come a long way
and today, I feel stronger than
ever before. I refuse to indulge
those ideas anymore. After all,
as I wrote in my book, “You don’t
nearly die once, not to make the
most out of living twice!”
Starting all over again is
difficult for anyone, and combine
that with past negative dating
experiences, the prospect was
even more daunting.
One thing I’ve never done in
Photography | Edo Dream
all these years is online dating.
I was in a relationship when
that began, and I thought I had
dodged that bullet. I would watch
my friends successfully and
unsuccessfully grapple with the
realities and consequences of
 relationships

putting themselves online, from

the sidelines, hoping that that
would never have to be me.
As a disabled woman I am rarely
hit on, hardly noticed, so being
ghosted, I thought, would take
on a whole new meaning. Being
judged so superficially would
pack a more painful punch.
But having finished writing
my book and feeling braver than
ever, I have decided to take the
plunge and go online dating.
Despite having the same fears
any of us have when putting
ourselves out there, selecting
a handful of the best photos to
show ourselves online, writing
a profile that will attract the
attention of the right person,
I am going for it, choosing to
believe in my worth and enjoying
the process.
Because, disabled or not, we all
deserve love, intimacy, passion,
and pleasure. We all deserve a
happy ending, and I’m off to find
mine!

‘Driving Forwards: A journey of

resilience and empowerment after
life-changing injury’ by Sophie L
Morgan is out now (Sphere, £16.99).

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 77
 Six myths about
loneliness
Despite advances in technology, and travel, more and more people
are feeling alone. Here, we’re debunking six misconceptions about
loneliness, and providing key steps to manage and improve it

Writing | Rebecca Thair

S
ocial ties are what unite
us, providing validation,
and making us feel seen
and heard. But when
those ties are broken, we can be
left feeling completely alone,
even in a crowded room.
And this is why it’s so important
to really understand the impact
of loneliness, to cut through the
shame and stigma that so often
keeps people from reaching out
for help, and to shine a light on
what it really means to be lonely.
Let’s face this together.
MYTH: Loneliness is the same
as physical isolation.
FALSE. Being alone and feeling
lonely are two completely
different things. Some people
can be perfectly content with
just their own company for a set
period of time, but the concept
of loneliness goes deeper than
physical surroundings – though
that can be a contributing factor.
Feeling socially disconnected
from others, not seen, or
that no one ‘gets’ us is what
leads people to experience
loneliness. That emotional or
mental understanding that ties
us to our family, friends, and
communities means that we
can enjoy alone-time, knowing
that we can connect with others
when we choose to. But when
that tie is severed, it can feel like
we’re adrift, all by ourselves.
MYTH: You can’t feel lonely
in a relationship.
FALSE. Loneliness can appear in
different areas of your life: you
might be yearning for a deeper
emotional understanding;
stronger social connections; or
to be part of something bigger,
with a shared purpose in a
community. And, while we can
care deeply for someone and
spend substantial amounts of
time with them, no one person
can, or should, be expected to
meet every single one of our
many needs.
Remember, you don’t need to
feel guilty about being lonely.
Just because one area of your life
might appear to be going well,
doesn’t mean you can’t need more
from something else.
MYTH: Only older people
get lonely.
FALSE. The truth is you can feel
lonely at any age and stage of life.
Some people may assume that
due to advances in technology,
younger generations are more
connected than ever, but
numerous studies have shown
that isn’t necessarily the case.
A 2019 YouGov survey in the US
found that one in five millennials
reported having no friends at all.
Additionally, the ONS shared that
10% of Brits aged 16–24 felt lonely
often or always, compared with
just 3% of those aged 65 and older.

78 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

MYTH: Loneliness isn’t that
big a deal.
FALSE. Firstly, anything that
affects your mental wellbeing
is a big deal, and is absolutely
worth addressing. We all
deserve to live meaningful,
enjoyable lives, and if you
feel disconnected from those
around you, it’s not something
that should be brushed off and
ignored.
relationships
Relationships
can help us
create purpose,
meaning, and
make sense of
the world
The fact is that
loneliness is not only
distressing, but has serious
health impacts too. Loneliness
is reported to increase the risk
of high blood pressure, heart
disease and strokes, and could
even reduce life expectancy by
26% – comparable to the effects
of smoking. Plus, those who
feel lonely are more likely to
experience depression, and are at
a greater risk of cognitive decline. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 79
 MYTH: It’s easy to tell when
someone is lonely.

FALSE: We may have

preconceived ideas of what a
‘lonely person’ looks like, but
there’s no one-size-fits-all image.
There’s so much stigma that
comes with the idea of saying
you feel lonely, that people often
cover it up pretty well and feel
they can’t ask for help. Someone
might be outgoing and the life of
the party in social situations, but
still feel disconnected. It’s vital
we drop the judgements, and
create a safe space for people to
open up.

MYTH: There’s nothing that

can fix feeling lonely.
FALSE. Several studies
have revealed that social
connections can keep us
happier and healthier, so
don’t be disheartened if you’re
experiencing loneliness right
now. There is a way out;
relationships can help us create
purpose, meaning, and make
sense of the world. It’s all about
figuring out what you need. So,
here are three steps to take if
you’re feeling lonely:
1. Say it out loud. Or in a
message. Whatever you do,
vocalise it. This can be a scary
thought, but the only way things
can change is by acknowledging
how you’re truly feeling. The act
of verbalising can in itself be a
release, and then once it’s out
there, both you and your loved
ones can start to proactively
address it.
2. Really think about your
needs. Recognising a feeling,
and then understanding why we
feel that way can be two different
things. Take some time to home-
in on where the disconnection
is stemming from – e.g. do you
not have someone who really
shares your interests, or feel
able to open up and discuss
your emotions with? Once you
understand that, you can put
plans in place to address it.
3. Take the next steps. While it
may be easier said than done,
having shared how you are
feeling, others can step up to
help as well – you could put in
more regular catch-ups or calls
in your diary with friends. Or you
might want to have a fun date
night with your other half to run
through some question prompts
that can help you reach a deeper
emotional understanding.
For those needing to connect
over shared interests, you might
want to look online for classes
in the community, or Facebook
groups you can join and connect
with others who share your
passions. A loved one might
even want you to introduce them
to one of your hobbies.
And if you want to feel
more entrenched in the local
community, you could get
involved in volunteering projects
or days, to meet like-minded
people, and do good at the same
time!
Experiencing loneliness can be
extremely distressing, and the
irony is that so many people feel
the same way – but shame and
stigma can mean that no one is
talking about it. So remember,
you may be feeling lonely, but
you are most certainly not
alone.

80 | Issue 61 | happiful.com
Driving change
Five green driving tips to help you support the planet
Writing | Rebecca Thair
I
t’s vital that we all take the
wheel when it comes to
claiming responsibility for the
eco-impact of our travel. While
it’s no secret that taking a stroll is
both our most eco-friendly and,
often, enjoyable option, a walk in
the fresh air isn’t always possible,
and, for a lot of people, it’s not
realistic to ditch driving entirely.
With governments across the
globe pledging to reduce carbon
emissions, there has been a
surge in options for electric
and hybrid vehicles. The initial
investment for an electric car can
be substantial though, and with
the current cost of living crisis,
this could mean it’s a future step
for a lot of families, rather than an
immediate solution.
In the meantime, the good news
is there are many simple changes
we can make to the way we drive
that can have a signficant impact.
The key thing is to start taking
small proactive steps to reduce
our emissions. So with that goal
in mind, here are five easy ideas
you can implement today to drive
positive change.
1. Plan your journeys
Whether it’s roadworks, traffic
jams, or a long-winded diversion,
thinking ahead and checking your
route before you set off can save
time and money. Plus a warm
engine is a more efficient engine,
so, where possible, try to combine
trips by grouping errands together
to optimise your travel time.
2. Embrace carpools
When public transport isn’t an
option, a really simple solution
is to ensure you’re maximising
your car space. Could you set up
a carpool to work with colleagues
in the local area, or for the
school run? Crack on some tunes
and let the drive-time karaoke
commence!
3. Change gear
Choosing the right gear ensures
you use fuel as efficiently as
possible; what you’re aiming for
is smooth, gentle acceleration, so
the basic rule is that you should
be using the highest gear possible
within the speed limit. A lot of
cars signal on the dashboard
when you should change gear, but
you can also listen out – does your
engine sound like it’s struggling?
Time to change gear.
Utilise your momentum too,
allowing your car to gently
decelerate rather than slamming
on the brakes where possible,
and anticipating where it’s safe
to naturally reduce your speed
without coming to a complete
halt, negating the need to stop/
start so much.
4. Cool it with air conditioning
Adjusting the temperature of your
vehicle might be instinctual, but
whether you’re cooling yourself
on a summer’s day, or turning up
the heat on a chilly night, this uses
a significant amount of energy.
Instead, embrace a natural
breeze by simply rolling down
the windows, or keep a few extra
layers in your boot for when you
need to wrap up.
5. Check your tyre pressure
This is something that should be
practised regularly for your own
safety, but you might be surprised
to know that properly inflated
tyres increase fuel efficiency as
well. In fact, it’s been reported
that Brits could be wasting £1
billion on fuel a year due to their
tyres not being inflated properly,
impacting the fuel economy of the
car, as well as increasing wear to
the tyres themselves.
happiful.com | Issue 61 | 81
 Reframe negative self-talk
Here are some simple suggestions for how to turn that negative
critic inside your head into a positive supporter instead

No matter No one really

I am growing at likes me.
what I do,
my own pace.
nothing is ever
Each day is a new
good enough.
opportunity to
learn more. I can’t control what
others think or do,
only what I believe
and how I behave.

There’s no
point trying,
things always
end badly.
I am a useless
You never
failure.
know what the
future holds.
I am proud
of myself for
having the
I am lazy courage to try.
and selfish.

I have many
My needs
unique and
matter, and I
I don’t deserve wonderful
deserve rest.
love or qualities. I am
happiness. worthy and
valued.
Build
habits
Get into the habit
Whether you want to create a healthier routine, or
cut back on some negative patterns you’ve fallen into,
really considering your habits, and whether they are
serving you, can be a great first step.
Use the exercise below to tune-in to different areas
of your life, shading in the satisfaction scale based
on how pleased you are with those elements, and
then take the time to reflect on either behaviours and
actions you want to change, or new habits you’d like to
form to improve this.
Top tips!
• Try not to change too many things at once. This
this can help your focus and prevent you from
feeling overwhelmed.
• Forming a new habit takes time; try not to be
discouraged if things don’t progress as quickly
as you hoped.
• Repetition is key, so keep in mind what you’re
working towards, and why you’re doing this.
• Remember the bigger picture: a habit is about
changing your lifestyle for the long-term.

1
Sleep
10

1
Wellbeing
10

1
Movement
10

1
Relationships
10

Personal 1
development 10

1
Self-care
10
My ideal morning routine
Create your dream routine for how you begin each day by adding in
healthy habits you want to include, and the times to perform them,
to structure your mornings. Activities could include meditating,
journaling, having breakfast, doing some stretches or mindful
movement, reading or listening to a podcast, drinking water,
spending time with a loved one, getting ready…

WAKE UP

START MY DAY
Mood tracker Key: Use a colour to represent each emotion

Calm Hopeful Restless

Can you spot any patterns in your mood that could be
affected by your current habits – either positively or
Happy Anxious Sad
negatively? Or perhaps use this as a space to see how
your mood changes as you actively work on new routines.
This could be a great way to maintain motivation!
Energised Tired Frustrated

1
6 7
2 5
3 4

14
8 13
10 12
9
11

15
17 20 21
16 19
18

28
22 27
24 26
23
25
Tidy house, tidy mind Weekly
Create your own cleaning schedule to declutter your
home, and enable you to thrive in your space, without
the distractions or pressures of a mounting to-do list.

Daily

Bi-weekly

Monthly
Books to read
Design your ideal personal library, with all
the titles you can’t wait to sink your teeth
into. Which tome will you pick up next?
Stay on track
Use this space to gather your thoughts about the bigger
picture and long-term vision for why you want to adjust Goals
your habits. This can help you stay focused, and give you
that motivation boost on days where you’re struggling.

To do

Rewards

When I need motivation

 Habit tracker
It’s time to put your plans in motion. Use each row of this wheel
to note a habit you’re working on for the next month, and record
your progress through each day/spoke. Can you roll with it?

1 2
3
4
5

6
31

8
29 30

9
1 0 1 1 12
2 7 28
26

13
14
25

5
4

2
16
23 17
2
18 1 9 0 2 1 2
2
 THE UK’S POSITIVE
MENTAL HEALTH APP

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