WAVERLY

I have some news.

(WAVERLY pulls a piece of paper out of her purse and slams it down on the
bar. )
LISA
You wrote me a letter about it?
WAVERLY
It’s an offer.
LISA
For a show?
WAVERLY
For my job. Full time.
LISA
Where?
WAVERLY
At the law firm.
LISA
Full time. Like a real job. Congrats!
WAVERLY
It’s a three-month trial period.

(LISA heads to the side of the bar to set up her equipment.)

LISA
You’re great at that job, they’ll hire you full time.
WAVERLY
That’s what I’m afraid of.
LISA
Don’t you like it there?
WAVERLY
A lot.

LISA
And you’d get benefits, vacation and then you could leave here.
WAVERLY
I like it here!
LISA
Our paying customers don’t like it here.
WAVERLY
You play here all the time.
LISA
To a room of twenty drunks.
WAVERLY
Twenty-one.
LISA
You should flip a quarter.
WAVERLY
I’m not leaving it all up to chance.
LISA
You wouldn’t be. Watch.
(LISA pulls a quarter out of his pocket.)
Waverly, if you could choose one thing to eat for the rest of your life –
peanuts or pretzels – what would it be?
WAVERLY
I’m not doing this.
LISA
Heads, peanuts. Tails, pretzels.
 (LISA throws the quarter in the air. SHE slaps it on the back of his hand.)
It’s heads, peanuts.
WAVERLY
Peanuts? Really?
LISA
Now we know you prefer pretzels. It’s not actually about the choosing it’s
about forcing one of the options upon you. Then you know what you want.
WAVERLY
That’s absurd.
LISA
Ready? Heads, take the job. Tails, turn it down.
(LISA flips the quarter. As it flies through the air WAVERLY snatches it.)
WAVERLY
We’re not going to decide this through a quarter.
LISA
I think you should take the job.
WAVERLY
It’s just a job right?