Communicating With Confidence Post Workshop Development Activities Final

Communicating
with Confidence
STEP In Post-Workshop Activities
Leadership Development
Communicating with Confidence
Post Workshop Activities
What is this about?
Communicating with Confidence follows on from Communicating with Clarity.
It continues with theory, tips and development activities to help to build your confidence
when communicating in challenging situations.
Objectives:
We will be using a blend of activities and learning content which will enable you to:
 Demonstrate assertiveness skills to support negotiating mutual agreement
 Look at 4 types of behaviour and their impact on communication style
 Apply Transactional Analysis theory as a framework for challenging conversations
 Give and receive constructive feedback
Which Leadership DNA strands will this support?
Communicating & Influencing: Communicates and influences openly, having a positive

impact on others.
Team Working & Leadership: Works with others to build an effective team.
Developing Self & Others: Seeks and acts upon opportunities to develop own and
other’s skills and knowledge.
Delivering Business Performance: Takes responsibility for managing self and others to
ensure targets/objectives are achieved.
Making a Difference & Managing Change: Demonstrates an openness to change and
actively looks for ways to improve performance.
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Most of the time we communicate without thinking about it!

But from time to time there will be situations when you have to face some difficult or
challenging conversations in the workplace.
There has to be a balance between communicating something difficult, whilst being
sensitive to those concerned.
A difficult or challenging conversation is any conversation or dialogue where there are
strong differences of opinion between two people, and there is the potential for it to
become emotional.
Challenging/Difficult Conversations
When are these conversations likely to occur?

Some possible scenarios could be when you need to give feedback regarding:
 Poor performance
 Lack of clarity regarding what is expected
 Poor attitude
 Dis-engagement
 Negative attitude
What makes them feel challenging or difficult?

It’s completely normal to feel apprehensive and worry that something might go wrong or someone
might take offence.
 When it feels like expectations are being challenged, we can often act, initially, with emotion.
 We might experience fear, anger, frustration and these all have the potential to lead to conflict.
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So rather than a unifying effect, these emotions create a strong dividing effect.
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Pause for Thought
What type of conversation do you think of as being potentially challenging?
What is the situation?
a) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
b) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
c) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
d) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How do you feel about having these conversations?
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Since the last workshop has any of the above changed?
 What has changed?

 How has it changed?
 What are you doing differently?
 What difference has this made?
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Communication Filters
Our internal communication filters are sifting and distorting messages all of the time, and
we may not even realise it.
A filter is something that can delete, distort, add bias or generalise the message we're trying
to share. Our personal filters are applied consciously and sub-consciously for both the
sender and receiver in every single conversation… especially the difficult ones.
Sub-Conscious Filters include but are not limited to:
 Beliefs and values

 Expectations and experiences
 Emotions and feelings
 Regional semantics
 Generational use of language
 Other language barriers
 Stereotyping and prejudice
 Gender bias
 Personal perception
Conscious Filtering/Filtration Examples:
For the listener: a natural response to something we don’t want to hear is to insert filters
that will lessen the discomfort of hearing it, thereby causing us to miss the actual substance
of what is being said, and come away with only a sense of how badly we feel …..
This will be added to our baggage of negative emotions, for example resentment.
And as the speaker, when we need to confront an issue, we may try to filter what we are
saying in order to soften the message. We may dance around the issue in a way that causes
confusion, and never get to the actual point.
Even worse…..we might avoid the conversation altogether, hoping the issue will go away.
This is never an effective solution if there is a sizable concern.
Being aware of your filters is the first step to managing some of the unhelpful emotions that
arise. And it is also important to acknowledge that although these filters may differ because
of our differing experiences, we all have them!
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Some of the skills that will help when you need to have difficult conversations:
Information gathering:
 Make sure you have all your facts straight before you begin. Know what you are going
to say and why you are going to say it.
 It can also be useful to try to anticipate questions and concerns others may have and
think carefully about how you might answer them.
Being Assertive:
 Once you are sure something needs to be communicated, then do it in an assertive way
(not in an aggressive way!!). Do not find yourself backing down or changing your mind
unless there is a good reason to do so! We will look a little more closely at
assertiveness.
Being Empathetic:
 Try and put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and think about how they will
potentially feel about what you are telling them. In other words, how would you feel if
the roles were reversed?
Be prepared to negotiate a win-win solution:

 Often a difficult situation requires a certain amount of negotiation. Aim for a ‘win/win’
outcome…..an outcome from which all parties will benefit.
Use appropriate verbal and non-verbal language:

 Speak clearly, avoiding any jargon that the individual might not understand.
 Give/make eye contact and try to sit or stand in a relaxed way. Don’t use confrontational
language or body language…..for example finger pointing/wagging or hands on hips, or
arms folded across your body.
Listen:
 When we feel stressed or anxious we tend to listen less effectively. Again, try to relax
and listen carefully to the views/opinions/feelings of the other.
 Use the clarification and reflection techniques we explored in Communicating with
Clarity. These demonstrate that you are listening.
Stay calm & focused:

 Use some of the physical tips we talked about in Communicating with Clarity, for
example think about your breathing.
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Pause for thought
Consider the skills listed on the previous page: which do you feel you need to develop and
put into practice in your communication?
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Who else could you ask for some feedback on which skills you should look at developing?
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Being Assertive
What is it?
Assertive behaviour offers an alternative pathway for interaction that leads to a more
constructive outcome.
It is characterised by the recognition that both parties have valid views and opinions and
focuses on the issues, rather than the individuals.
It is about:
 Expressing yourself
 Not changing other people’s behaviour
 Being honest with yourself
 Recognising other’s needs, feelings etc.
 Valuing others whilst valuing yourself
And allows us to:

 Make changes to our own behaviour
 Be in control
 Take charge
 Set goals
 Recognise our needs and the needs of others
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Assertiveness is one of four acknowledged behaviour types, all of which have a major impact
on effectiveness of communication.
Let’s take a look at the 4 behaviours that can impact on our communication style.
Low
High consideration
openness of others
of communication High
Aggressive Assertive
Passive
Passive
Aggressive
Low openness of communication
The vertical axis (going from the centre point) demonstrates openness of communication
i.e. the higher up the axis, the more open or articulate you might be and the lower down
that axis, less so.
The Horizontal axis (again from the central point) demonstrates consideration of others….
Low to the left and high to the right
The next page has a summary of each of the behaviours.

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Aggressive Behaviour communicates loudly and directly but at the expense of consideration
for others: ‘My rights are most important!’ Or I’m OK, you’re not OK
• Places own needs above others.
• Talks over people
• No control over emotions
• Blames others for their failures
• Criticises, humiliates and talks ill of others
• Believes that being strongly offensive is the way to defend
• Feels speaking calm and friendly is a sign of weakness - they have to be loud to win.
Passive Aggressive Behaviour communicates in a more indirect way, but also at the expense
of consideration for others: ‘My rights are most important!’ Or I’m not OK, you’re not OK
• Appear passive on the surface - exhibit anger/aggressiveness subtly or indirectly
• Resentment
• Opposition to the demands of others, although may still do what they are told
• Procrastination
• Intentional mistakes
• Cynical/sarcastic
• Sullen
• Hostile attitude
Passive Behaviour communicates in a very indirect way (if at all) but places a high
consideration of others at the fore. ‘My rights don’t matter!’ Or I’m not OK, you’re OK
• Sulky
• With drawn
• No eye contact
• Fearful to speak lest they make enemies
• Submissive because they hate conflict
• Appeasing to win people’s approval
And finally Assertive Behaviour (as already alluded to) communicates with responsibility
and high consideration of others. ‘All individuals have rights!’ Or I’m OK, you’re OK
 In control of self
 Speaks clearly; message is not exaggerated
 Can modulate self when necessary
 Calm, composed and confident in a variety of situations
 Takes responsibility for own behaviour
 Open body language
 Good eye contact
 Listens
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Communicating in a way that is assertive, rather than aggressive takes practice! Let’s
explore some examples:
What you want to say is:

Checking your phone during meetings is rude and distracting! (but saying it like this could
bring about a defensive response)
Saying it assertively could be:

I noticed you had to check your phone a few times during the meeting. I personally found it
a bit distracting and I think others did too,
What you want to say: You should have followed the correct procedure!
Saying it assertively: It looks like the wrong procedure has been used. What do you think?
Both of these original thoughts can be interpreted as criticisms and therefore are likely to
result in a defensive response, degenerating into a sort of: ‘Oh no it wasn’t!!!!’ ‘Oh yes it
was!!!’
Reflect
Think back to a recent conversation which didn’t achieve the outcome you were looking for
– which of the 4 behaviours describe your communication style?
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What could you have done differently?
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Activity
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Identify an issue you need to address with a colleague or team member:
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What outcome do you want to achieve?
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What will success look like?
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What are the potential challenges of delivering this message?
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How will you structure the substance of the message to be more assertive?
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What other techniques will you use?
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Reflect
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Now you have delivered the message - What was the outcome?
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What worked well?
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What didn’t work well?
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What could you have done differently?
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What will you try next time?
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Negotiating Skills
Assertiveness skills play a major part in Negotiation:
We use the word negotiation in various ways, and within different contexts.
For example:
To bring about the safe release of a hostage, or
To get the best deal you can when selling your car.
We also use the word within the context of communicating with confidence and
clarity……..and getting to that win-win solution just mentioned, which is a part of
communicating assertively.
When we refer to ‘negotiation’ we are using the following definition:

Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties with the intention of
reaching a beneficial outcome for both parties. When done well, it will build a sense of
partnership, relationship, collaborative working and trust.
Some reasons we might want to negotiate (all mentioned in the definition sited above)
To reach mutual agreement in a collaborative style where both/all parties are satisfied.
To solve a problem by open discussion
To resolve conflict through reaching understanding
Create a working relationship
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It’s also worth pointing out that most negotiations start (in principle) when there is already
some form of agreement, shared purpose or aim or a shared understanding that needs to
come to agreement.
Negotiating allows both sides to work out how to close the gaps, without one feeling that
he/she had to compromise their needs more than the other.
Included in the skills we mentioned earlier that could help with difficult or challenging
conversations are several that will help when it comes to negotiating that win-win outcome,
namely:
Information gathering:
Make sure you have all your facts straight before you begin. Know what you are going to
say and why you are going to say it.
It can also be useful to try to anticipate questions and concerns others may have and think
carefully about how you might answer them.
Use appropriate verbal and non-verbal language:

Speak clearly, avoiding any jargon that the individual might not understand.
Give/make eye contact and try to sit or stand in a relaxed way.
Don’t use confrontational language or body language…..for example finger

pointing/wagging or hands on hips, or arms folded across your body.
Listen:
When we feel stressed or anxious we tend to listen less effectively. Again, try to relax and
listen carefully to the views/opinions/feelings of the other.
Use the clarification and reflection techniques we explored in Communicating with Clarity.
These demonstrate that you are listening.
In addition to the skills just mentioned, the following tips will also be very useful:
• Treat the person with respect (One of our values!)
• Remain calm and avoid becoming emotional
• Separate the person from the problem
• Understand their point of view
• Listen first……talk second
• Understand what is important to them - what adds value for them but may be an
easy/free concession for you
• Stick to the facts
• Remind them of the elements you already agree on in principle
• Explore options or middle ground together
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Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis (also known as TA) is a
model devised by Dr Eric Berne (a Canadian
psychiatrist) 1910 -1970.
Berne created the theory as a way to explain

human behaviour. He mapped interpersonal
relationships to three ego-states: the Parent,
Adult, and Child state.
It is a very well respected model that can help

us to analyse our communication or how we
‘transact’ with each other.
Its goal can be summed up in a single word: Autonomy

By understanding your patterns of behaviour, you can
• make well-considered choices, thereby allowing you to break free from conditioned
reactions
• develop meaningful relationships, free from manipulation
• increase your awareness, and therefore your capacity to live in the present moment
unencumbered by the baggage of past experiences
TA makes three philosophical assumptions:
• People are OK (Think back to the Four Behaviours Model)
• Everyone has the capacity to think
• People decide their own destiny
At the core of Berne's theory is the rule that effective transactions (successful
communications) must be complementary. They must go back from the receiving ego state
to the sending ego state. ... If a crossed transaction occurs, there is an ineffective
communication. Worse still either or both parties will be upset.
So……you and I are both OK. We may sometimes engage in not-OK behaviour. When we do,
we are following strategies we decided upon as young children.
These strategies were the best ways we could make sense of the world as infants, to survive
and get what we wanted from a world that may have seemed hostile.
As grown-ups, we still pursue these patterns at times (often sub-consciously). We may do
this even though the results are unproductive or painful.
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With increased self-awareness, we can make choices, and change some of the unconscious
patterns of behaviour we fall in to when it comes to communication.
We cannot be made to feel or behave in certain ways. Strong pressure may be exerted on
us, but we are responsible for our own feelings and behaviour.
TA EGO STATES
P
PARENT EGO STATE: Behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied
from parents or parent figures.
A
ADULT EGO STATE: Behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are
a direct response to the here and now.
C
CHILD EGO STATE: Behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed
from childhood.
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Each one of us has each of these three ‘Ego’ states within us. But…..it’s important to
remember that ego states are names, not things! The three words Parent, Adult and Child
are used as labels to distinguish three different ways of feeling, thinking and behaving. They
do not have a separate existence of their own, separate to you!
Parent Ego State:

P These were ‘taught’ and copied, consciously or not, and because they
are from the past, may be buried in our sub consciousness. We may
not be aware of their impact on how we are communicating.
Adult Ego State:

The Adult ego state is orientated to the current reality, and will be
A more logical, analytical, and self-controlled, but could be perceived as
being insensitive and task obsessed.
Child Ego State:
C
When in this ego state, we use behaviours, thoughts and feelings
replayed from childhood, so again, these are from the past and not a
true reflection of the present.
Closer examination of the Parent ego state reveals

there are two aspects: Controlling Parent (Decisive,
Controlling Parent
CP NP &
bossy, prescriptive, critical, harsh) & Nurturing Parent
Nurturing Parent (Compassionate, generous, supportive, spoon feeding,
rescuing).
You can usually tell which aspect is showing by
Functional
A Adult
listening to the tone and language being used.
The Child ego state is also split into two aspects:

Adapted Child Adapted Child (courteous, obedient, following norms,
AC FC & complaining, defensive, submissive)
Free Child & Natural Child (curious, creative, intuitive,
spontaneous, impulsive, having fun)
As with Controlling Parent v Nurturing Parent, you can usually tell whether it is Adapted
Child or Natural Child that is showing up by the tone and language used.
Examples of typical behaviours and phrases relative to the Controlling Parent ego state:
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Behaviours:
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Furrowed brow; pursed lips; pointing index finger; head wagging; foot tapping; hands on hips; arms
folded; sighing; tongue clicking
Phrases:
I’m going to put a stop to this, once and for all….
I can’t for the life of me……
Now, always remember….
How many times have I told you????
If I were you…..
Examples of Nurturing Parent:

Oh you poor thing
Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you…….
Let me give you a hug……
Examples of typical behaviours and phrases relative to the Adult ego state
Behaviours:
Eyes blink every 3-5 seconds (signifies listening)
Head is tilted; face is straight forward
Open body language; interested; curious
Phrases:
The basic vocabulary of an adult consists of what, where, how, when, why
In what way….
Comparative; probable; possible; unknown; objective; I think….I see….
In my opinion……(opinion is different to fact)
Examples of typical behaviours and phrases relative to the Adapted Child ego state
Behaviours:
Tears; quivering lip; pouting; temper-tantrums; rolling eyes; whining voice; shrugging shoulders;
downcast eyes; nail biting
Phrases:
I wish…..
I want….
I guess…..
When I grow up….
Examples of behaviours and phrases from Natural Child:

Giggling; delight; laughter; spontaneous; curious
Let’s have some fun……I wonder…..Let’s make……
NB: It’s not that ‘my Child’ wants some fun. I want some fun, and I may be in my child ego state
when I want it 
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Complimentary transactions or parallel transactions occur when the ego state addressed, is the one
that is expected to respond… because it compliments or is parallel.
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Here are some examples of ‘transactions’ between two people (and therefore two sets of ego
states):
An example of a Parent – Parent transaction could be:
Sender says: ‘I remember when it was considered good manners to send thank-you cards or letters’
Receiver says: ‘ Yes……those were the days…….none of this texting business!’
The Sender is remembering something that was taught, from the past…….coming from his
‘Controlling Parent’
The Receiver is agreeing…….also coming from his Controlling Parent.
P P
An example of a complimentary or parallel transaction, from Natural Child to Natural Child:

Sender: Whispers ‘Let’s raid the fridge and go for an adventure! Never mind homework!’
Receiver: Giggles ‘What fun!! Let’s do it!! Who cares about Algebra!’’
Complimentary Child – Child transactions are more readily observed in what the two people do
together, than in what they say to each to other (as is true of very small children).
C C
An example of a Natural Child and Adapted Child transaction could be:
Natural Child: Come on! Let’s go and look under the stones for creepy crawlies!
Adapted Child: Oh dear, I’m not sure we’ve got time. Mum said don’t dare be late for tea.
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Another example of a complimentary transaction, this time from Child to Parent:

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Sender: Bob (slumps in chair): ‘Golly I’m tired. I would love you to give me a back rub. Will you?’
Coming from his Adapted Child and appealing to June’s Nurturing Parent…..to look after him….
Receiver: June (warm tone, smiles, opens arms): ‘Yes, of course I will’ responds from her Nurturing
Parent as he had hoped, agreeing to ‘look after and care for him’ as parents do.
Exchange between two people, who are both operating within their Adult ego state.
Person 1: I noticed you were over-budget on eating out this week. Can we have a chat about this?
Person 2: Wow, you’re right! I got a bit carried away this month. I’ll be more mindful next month
Or (alternative response from Person 2)
Person 2: Yes you’re right. I wanted to talk to you about increasing our budget in this area.
The Adult ego state is about direct responses to the here and now. We deal with things that are
going on today in ways that are not unhealthily influenced by our past. We take responsibility for our
behaviour and how we communicate our feelings.
Crossed Transactions:
A crossed transaction happens when a different ego state responds, rather than the one the sender
was addressing.
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Using the same scenario as previously:

Person 1: Communicating from his Adult, and appealing to Person 2’s Adult.
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But
Person 2: responds from his Child, “How dare you check-up on me!” trying to hook the Parent in
Person 1
This was not the response Person 1 had been expecting so the transaction becomes crossed.
Ideally Person 1 should try to stay in Adult (the here and now), be reasonable and state that they
want to understand what the reason behind it is, and focus on solutions not be hooked into
Parent…..(demonstrated by justifying or don’t you speak to me like that, or I’ve asked you a question
and I expect an answer!!)
Pause for Thought

Think about some of the recent conversations you have had with friends or family away
from work: Which ego states were present?
 How many involved parallel ego states? (A-A, P-P or C-C)
 How many involved complimentary ego states? (C-P or P-C)
 How many involved crossed ego states?
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Activity – TA – Part 1
At work, identify an unresolved issue where TA ego states are a likely candidate for why the
issue remains unresolved and communication, so far, hasn’t been effective.
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Activity – TA – Part 2
What is the situation and what outcome are you looking for?
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How has crossed ego states hindered progress so far?
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Activity – TA – Part 3; Your Plan
Using TA to improve the effectiveness of the conversation, what will you do, how & when?
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What does success look like? How will you measure this?
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When will you review the outcome?
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Reflection – TA Activity
What has worked well?
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What hasn’t gone well or could have had better results?
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What would you do differently next time and why??
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What will you do next?
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If I have told you once, I’ve

told you a 1000 times…. Sounds like my
mum!
Giving & Receiving Feedback
Often Constructive feedback can be perceived as a form of criticism, but there are some key
differences between them that we need to disentangle. Although both forms are meant to
challenge your ideas or ability, one is more hurtful than the other.
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Constructive feedback is intended to improve, elevate, correct, or otherwise help an

employee recognize their weaknesses for the purpose of growing in their role.
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Criticism is judgmental, negatively evaluative, and often accusatory. It’s more of a way to
take someone down for their perceived faults than it is to repair them.
Can you see how TA may have some impact on how receptive we are to receiving
constructive feedback, and, indeed, impact on how we might give it.
Tips for Receiving Constructive Feedback

(If you can, stay in your ‘Adult’ ego state. Try not to slip into ‘Child’ which you may feel
inclined to do, especially if the person giving the feedback appears to be in their ‘Parent’)
Also: Think back to behaving & communicating assertively, and the techniques described
earlier.
1. Try to understand the other person’s point of view…….listen to understand, not
defend
2. Be open to how others view you, even if it’s painful
3. Look for opportunities for personal and professional growth
4. Don’t take it personally
5. Partner with the other person to look for ways to fix the issue
6. Avoid explaining or making excuses
7. Empathize with the other person
Remember why you are giving feedback……..to help them to succeed.

(Again, try to be in your Adult, and aim for an Adult response. If you sound like you are
coming from Controlling or Critical Parent, you will be in danger of hooking the receiver’s
Adapted Child)
Tips for Giving Constructive Feedback

1. Create a safe space in which to share the feedback
2. Be positive
3. Focus on sharing ideas, not giving orders
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4. Explore alternatives
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5. Describe a behaviour,
6. Don’t communicate judgment
7. Always give feedback for the right reason
It is worth bearing in mind that the individual you are giving the feedback to may get upset
(especially if they slip into Child). You cannot control how the other person feels. They will
react regardless of what you do, and you may have a crossed transaction going on. But
reflect on how you gave the feedback. Were you in your Parent ego state?
You have not failed, but follow the tips above to help stay in Adult.
The following short poem captures metaphorically our journey through life….and how it can
take time to learn, but change is possible 
Autobiography, by Portia Nelson:
Chapter 1:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost……..I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out
Chapter 2:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
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Chapter 3:
I see it is there.
I still fall in……..it’s a habit
My eyes are open.
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4:
I walk around it.
Chapter 5:
I walk down another street.
Communicating with Clarity

Now you have completed the Post Workshop Activities how do you feel?
The aim of our post-workshop activity books is to encourage you to put into practice what
you have learnt from attending the workshop.
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The learning objectives were to enable you to:

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• Demonstrate assertiveness skills to support negotiating mutual agreement

• Look at 4 types of behaviour and their impact on communication style
• Apply Transactional Analysis theory as a framework for challenging conversations
• Give and receive constructive feedback
Did the content support you to meet the learning objectives?
Has the module met your expectations?
What has worked well for you whilst completing the activities?
What could have been better for you whilst completing the activities?
Remember this is your programme, so please share your thoughts by completing the short
online Feedback Survey
https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/QYFWZHZ
Thank You
Mentee Review Prompter Questions
How can you show your line manager or mentor what you have learnt and how
you have developed?
Use the following prompts to discuss what you have learnt and how you have developed
your leadership behaviours:
Using Assertiveness skills:

 the personal barriers I have overcome are:
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 I have improved my assertive communication by:

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 I particularly found these techniques useful:

TA as a framework for challenging conversations:

 the personal barriers I have overcome are:
 I have improved my skills when having challenging conversations by:
 I particularly found these techniques useful:
My personal development outcomes:
 The results I have achieved so far:
 Further development identified:
This is how I will continue to develop my communication skills:
Mentor Sign-Off
Name - Mentor
Name - Mentee
Please Note: this must only be signed off when you are satisfied your mentee is applying
their new skills in the workplace
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Start Date Sign-Off Date

Page
Sign-Off Checklist
□ Are you satisfied they have met the learning objectives?

□ Are you satisfied the required activities have been completed?
□ Have you observed any of the skills being used in the workplace?
□ Has the mentee identified areas for further development?
Please forward completed Sign-Off Form to:

Leadership.Facilitator@Barchester.com
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Communicating With Confidence Post Workshop Development Activities Final

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Communicating With Confidence Post Workshop Development Activities Final

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Communicating

What is this about?

Communicating with Confidence follows on from Communicating with Clarity.

 Demonstrate assertiveness skills to support negotiating mutual agreement

 Look at 4 types of behaviour and their impact on communication style

 Apply Transactional Analysis theory as a framework for challenging conversations

 Give and receive constructive feedback

Which Leadership DNA strands will this support?

Communicating & Influencing: Communicates and influences openly, having a positive

Communicating with Confidence

Most of the time we communicate without thinking about it!

When are these conversations likely to occur?

What makes them feel challenging or difficult?

Pause for Thought

What type of conversation do you think of as being potentially challenging?

What is the situation?

How do you feel about having these conversations?

Since the last workshop has any of the above changed?

 What has changed?

Sub-Conscious Filters include but are not limited to:

 Beliefs and values

Conscious Filtering/Filtration Examples:

Be prepared to negotiate a win-win solution:

Use appropriate verbal and non-verbal language:

Stay calm & focused:

And allows us to:

Low openness of communication

The next page has a summary of each of the behaviours.

What you want to say is:

Saying it assertively could be:

What could you have done differently?

Identify an issue you need to address with a colleague or team member:

What outcome do you want to achieve?

What will success look like?

What are the potential challenges of delivering this message?

What other techniques will you use?

What worked well?

What didn’t work well?

What could you have done differently?

What will you try next time?

Assertiveness skills play a major part in Negotiation:

When we refer to ‘negotiation’ we are using the following definition:

Use appropriate verbal and non-verbal language:

Don’t use confrontational language or body language…..for example finger

Berne created the theory as a way to explain

It is a very well respected model that can help

Its goal can be summed up in a single word: Autonomy

Parent Ego State:

Adult Ego State:

Child Ego State:

Closer examination of the Parent ego state reveals

The Child ego state is also split into two aspects:

Examples of Nurturing Parent:

Examples of behaviours and phrases from Natural Child:

An example of a complimentary or parallel transaction, from Natural Child to Natural Child:

An example of a Natural Child and Adapted Child transaction could be:

Another example of a complimentary transaction, this time from Child to Parent:

Using the same scenario as previously:

Pause for Thought

How has crossed ego states hindered progress so far?

Activity – TA – Part 3; Your Plan

When will you review the outcome?

What has worked well?