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Practical and engaging tool to use with clients!

 Introduction

Many clinicians have difficulty

recognizing and treating victims of
gaslighting – an intense and long-term
form of psychological abuse – especially
now that it’s become such a misunderstood
and misused cultural term. As a result,
clients often struggle to release
themselves from the effects of toxic
or manipulative relationships, instead
being left to question their perceptions
and sense of reality.

Use the following handout

to determine whether
gaslighting is a factor in
your client’s relationship.
 Questions for Uncovering Gaslighting
Abuse in Your Clients’ Relationships
You may have clients that come in and wonder what they are “doing wrong” in their romantic
relationships. They may also blame themselves for another person’s pathological behavior. The
following questions can help you determine whether gaslighting is a factor in your client’s relationship:
1. Has your partner told you that people close to you have said bad things about you?
2. Do items of significant value or sentimentality go missing in your home without
explanation?
3. Has your partner turned your children against you or undermined your parenting?
4. Has your partner ever told you that you’re crazy by claiming that something you saw or
heard didn’t happen?
5. Did your relationship start intensely, followed by a steep drop in your partner’s approval?
6. Have your friends and family commented that this relationship isn’t healthy for you?
7. Does your relationship feel like an emotional roller coaster with patterns of high highs
and low lows?
8. Is there a history of abuse in your family of origin, or were any family members ever
diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder (borderline, antisocial, histrionic, or
narcissistic)?
9. Do you have a history of abusive relationships that cycle between phases of idealization,
devaluation, and discarding?
10. Does your partner say that most issues in the relationship are your fault or blame you for
having the “wrong” feelings?
11. Does your partner pretend to apologize but fail to take responsibility for their actions
and blame you instead?
12. Does your partner habitually cheat or engage in other forms of dishonesty, or do they
obsessively accuse you of cheating even though they are the ones with unaccounted time?
13. When you bring up unacceptable behavior to your partner, do they tell you that you’re
being too sensitive?
If your client answers in the affirmative to any of these questions, they may be experiencing
gaslighting in their relationship. Consider asking your client to elaborate on their experiences to gain
insight into their current relationship. Depending on the length of the relationship, your client may
also have experienced other forms of abuse.

Copyright © 2024 Sarkis Media LLC, A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting. All rights reserved.
 Client
Worksheet

Are You Experiencing Gaslighting?

Gaslighting can appear in many sneaky and covert ways. To determine whether your partner’s
behaviors toward you are toxic and potentially qualify as gaslighting, put a check mark by any of
the following statements that apply to you.

r This person has told me that I am crazy or that other people think I’m crazy.

r Trusted friends and loved ones are concerned about my relationship.

r This person has told me that friends and loved ones have said horrible things about me.

r I suspect this person is hiding my items and blaming me for losing them.

r This person is very focused on whether I am cheating, with no reason to suspect this.

r This person has told me that I am irresponsible with money and must turn over my finances
to them.

r This person has told me we must go to couples therapy to figure out what is wrong with me.

r This person often tells me that what I have seen or heard didn’t happen.

r When I set boundaries with this person, they blame me and get very angry.

r I have caught this person in lies that don’t even make sense.

r I was treated exceptionally well at the beginning of the relationship, but now I am
mistreated.

If you identified with one or more of these statements, you might be experiencing gaslighting.
Your therapist can help you determine whether you have been subjected to this form of
emotional abuse.

Copyright © 2024 Sarkis Media LLC, A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting. All rights reserved.
 Client
Worksheet

Characteristics of Gaslighters
The following are characteristics of gaslighters—people who manipulate you into questioning
your reality. To determine whether gaslighting may be occurring in one of the relationships in
your life, put a check mark by any red flags you have noticed about this person:

r They are focused on their social status. r They seem to “mirror” your likes
and dislikes.
r They look good on paper (e.g., educated,
accomplished), but the facts don’t r They deny that you saw or heard them
add up. do something.

r They have substance abuse issues. r They don’t manage their finances well.

r They have control issues. r They vilify their ex.

r They are quick to anger. r They put their ex up on a pedestal.

r They always talk about themselves. r They believe that everything is always
someone else’s fault.
r They refuse accountability for their
behavior. r They punish, shame, and guilt you.

r They are generally dishonest and lie r They showered you with attention and
about trivial things. affection early on in the relationship but
quickly became confrontational.
r Their stories are constantly changing.
r They threaten suicide if you set
r They have cynical, negative views of
boundaries or tell them you are
others.
leaving them.
r They make promises but don’t follow
r They lack any long-lasting friends.
through.
r They boast about their “excellent”
r They blame you for being upset at their
relationship with their children but
inappropriate behavior.
rarely see them.

Even if you only checked a few of these items, this relationship might not be healthy for you, so it
is essential to speak to your therapist about your experiences.

Copyright © 2024 Sarkis Media LLC, A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting. All rights reserved.
 Client
Worksheet

Common Phrases of Gaslighters

If you are in a toxic relationship characterized by gaslighting, you may have heard the other
person make the following comments. These statements usually fall under the acronym FOG—
fear, obligation, and guilt—because they are meant to scare you, make you feel like you owe the
other person, or make you feel like you have done something wrong. Put a check mark by any
phrases that you have experienced in your relationship.

r Why can’t you take a joke?

r You’re so sensitive.

r Maybe you’re the gaslighter.

r Everyone thinks you’re crazy.

r No wonder your [sister, brother, mother, father, etc.] can’t stand you.

r What you think you saw or heard never happened.

r Who are they going to believe, you or me?

r After everything I’ve done for you!

r How can you honestly say you’re a good person?

r You misinterpret everything.

r You used to be so fun; now look at you.

r What makes you think you have a right to be picky?

r I’ve only ever tried to help you.

Copyright © 2024 Sarkis Media LLC, A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting. All rights reserved.
 Client
Handout

Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG)

When someone gaslights you, you may notice that they use three tactics to get you under their
power: fear, obligation, and guilt. The quicker you identify these three factors, the less likely you
are to be susceptible to them. Here are a few examples of each:

Fear Obligation Guilt

• “Everyone thinks you’re
crazy.”
• “No one will believe you.”
• “It would be a shame if
other people learned about
your past.”
• “I’ve spent so much time
trying to make you happy.
The least you could do is do
what I’m asking of you.”
• “I’ve spent a lot of money
on our home. You owe me
this.”
• “You owe me some time out
with friends.”
• “Why are you always so
mean to me?”
• “Don’t you feel sorry for
me? Even at all?”
• “Why can’t you just let me
be happy?”

When a gaslighter tries to manipulate you with these tactics, how should you respond? By not
responding. Nothing you say will make the other person gaslight you less. A gaslighter will use
anything you say against you, so the best thing to do is to walk away. As difficult as it may be to
resist, know these three tactics are just that—tactics. They are not the truth. Remember that it is
a choice to not buy into what the gaslighter is telling you. Not giving them a response sends the
message that you aren’t buying what they are selling. It’s a powerful message that is best said
with silence.

Copyright © 2024 Sarkis Media LLC, A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting. All rights reserved.
 A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslighting will be your
number one tool for supporting and empowering
clients to break free from the cycle of manipulation.

In these pages, you’ll find a wealth of

information, strategies, and stories to:

· Differentiate between gaslighting

A Clinician’s Guide to Gaslightin

and poor communication in a

relationship
A Clinician’s Guide to · Determine the origins and
causes of gaslighting and
narcissistic abuse
· Explore family-of-origin
80+ worksheets and exercises
for detection, intervention, and
issues that make clients more
g

healing from emotional abuse vulnerable to gaslighting

· Guide clients in breaking free
SARKIS

from the trauma bond

P
SARKIS
STEPHANIE MOULTONGaslight
, PhD, NCC, DCMhS, LMhC
ing and Healing from Toxic Relation
Author of the bestselling books
ships
· And so much more!

Get this must-have

psychoeducational resource at
www.pesi.com/sarkisbook