Romance and Sex: Pre-Marital Partnership Formation among Young Women and Men,

Pune District, India

Author(s): Mallika Alexander, Laila Garda, Savita Kanade, Shireen Jejeebhoy and Bela
Ganatra
Source: Reproductive Health Matters , Nov., 2006, Vol. 14, No. 28, Condoms, Yes!
"Abstinence", No (Nov., 2006), pp. 144-155
Published by: Taylor & Francis, Ltd.

Stable URL: https://www.jstor.org/stable/25475263

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Romance and Sex: P

among Young Wom
Mallika Alexander,3 Laila Garda,b Savita Kanade,c Shireen Jejeebhoyfd Bela Ganatrae
a Research Scientist, KEM Hospital Research Centre, Pune, India
b Research Scientist, KEM Hospital Research Centre, Pune, India
c Anthropologist, KEM Hospital Research Centre, Pune, India
d Senior Programme Associate, Population Council, New Delhi, India.
E-mail: sjejeebhoy@popcouncil.org
e Senior Research and Policy Advisor for Asia Region, Ipas, Pune, India

Abstract: Using qualitative and survey data in a rural and an urban slum setting in Pune district,
India, this paper describes patterns of pre-marital romantic partnerships among young people aged
15-24, in spite of norms that discourage opposite-sex interaction before marriage. 25-40% of
young men and 14-17% of young women reported opposite-sex friends. Most young people devised
strategies to interact with others, largely from the same neighbourhood. There were wide gender
differences with regard to making or receiving romantic proposals, having a romantic partner and
experiencing hand-holding, kissing and sexual relations. For those who engaged in sexual relations, the
time from the onset of the partnership to having sexual relations was short Sex most often took place
without protection or communication, and for a disturbing minority of young women only after
persuasion or without consent. Among those who were unmarried, a large percentage had expected to
marry their romantic partner, but for a third of young women and half of young men the relationship
had been discontinued. Partnership formation often leads to physical intimacy, but intimacy should
be wanted, informed and safe. Findings call for programmes that inform youth in non-threatening,
non-judgmental and confidential ways, respect their sexual rights and equip them to make safe
choices and negotiate wanted outcomes. ? 2006 Reproductive Health Matters. All rights reserved.

Keywords: young people, partnership formation, sexual relationships, India

YOUNG people in India today are at a cross- I
roads, confronted by opposing forces. A
larger proportion than ever before are in
schools and colleges, healthier and better nour
ished, have access to wide-ranging media and
the benefits of new technology, and are exposed
to new ideas about their roles and rights. At the
same time, they face traditional age- and sex
stratified norms that espouse gender double stan
dards and discourage the formation of romantic
partnerships or even friendships among the
unmarried and the selection of their own spouse.
Arranged marriages remain the norm and those
who pursue pre-marital relationships not only
run the risk of bringing dishonour to the family
but also reduce their chances of a good mar
riage. The hint of a pre-marital relationship can,
moreover, hasten marriage for young women to
a man not of their choice.
Evidence on the nature of pre-marital rela
tionships in India is sparse and comes from
small and unrepresentative studies. These sug
gest that despite sanctions and strict controls
over young women's sexuality, partnerships are
formed, while sexual relations are experienced
among 15-30% of young men and about 10% of
young women.1"4 Sons have more freedom than
daughters, are encouraged to attend school, seek
employment and socialise with peers outside
the home, but close relationships with girls are

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155
discouraged. Opposite sex friendships, sex and
reproduction are rarely discussed within families
as many parents believe this would imply
approval of sexual activity.4"6 In these circum
stances, it is not surprising that young people
who do develop partnerships with the opposite
sex do so clandestinely, and rarely tell their
families.4'7 For young women, these experiences
may or may not be consensual; where consen
sual, the partner is predominantly a boyfriend.8
In contrast, young men experience sex with a
range of partners, including girlfriends, sex work
ers and older married women and men. Homo
sexually active men may have sexual relations
with women as well.9'10
Policies and programmes in India, like parents
and communities, do not provide sexual and
reproductive health information, counselling or
services to unmarried youth. Indeed, there is little
recognition at the programme level of young
people's sexual rights, or their right to information
and services. There are few public sector efforts
to institutionalise sexuality education or promote
gender equitable relationships among the young.
This study aimed to assess the extent to which
young women and men aged 15-24 in a rural
and an urban slum setting in India have engaged
in pre-marital romantic partnerships, the extent
of physical intimacy experienced in these part
nerships and gender differences in these patterns,
and for those whose partnerships involved sexual
relations, the nature of those relationships.
Setting and methodology
The study was conducted in 2004-2005 in Pune
district, Maharashtra, which is close to the state
capital, Mumbai. Compared to other states in
India, socio-economic indicators in Maharashtra
are relatively high, and Pune is one of the most
economically developed districts.11 HIV preva
lence is also high, including among youth.12
Youth in Pune district are assumed to have
greater access to education, employment oppor
tunities, modern consumer goods, new ideas and
modern lifestyles than those in most other dis
tricts of the state.13 Within the district, study
sites were purposively selected that had a strong
NGO presence. The rural site covers a population
of roughly 100,000 from 90 villages in one sub
district; the urban site is a slum in Pune city,
housing one-fifth of slum residents.
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The study comprised three phases: a pre
survey qualitative phase that provided insight
into youth perspectives and experiences, a survey
and in-depth interviews with selected respon
dents reporting romantic partnerships or sexual
relations. An initial house-listing exercise iden
tified all households containing youth aged 15-24
in each site. Unmarried and married women
and men were randomly selected from these lists.
In cases where both a woman and her husband
were eligible, only one person was interviewed.
Where a household contained more than one
eligible respondent in any of the four categories,
only one was selected randomly. No replacement
was permitted. Refusal rates tended to be lower
than 5% for all groups. Married men proved more
difficult to recruit largely due to work-related
mobility and long working hours followed by
alcohol use, curtailing opportunities for interview.
The survey instrument drew on insights from
the pre-survey qualitative phase and other
instruments relating to youth behaviours.14"19
It explored in detail romantic partnerships in which
young people engage. All respondents answered
the same questions; those who were married were
asked to recall their pre-marital partnerships.
We asked not only about sexual experiences in
romantic partnerships but also relations without
consent, and with sex workers and older women
and men. Significant efforts were made to ensure
privacy for the interview. Reports of pre-marital
sexual experience were also provided anony
mously in a sealed envelope.20
This paper focuses on young people's roman
tic partnerships with an opposite-sex partner.
Although we also tried to capture same-sex roman
tic partnerships, experiences were reported by
fewer than 0.5% of respondents and are there
fore not discussed here. Weighted means and per
centages are presented that reflect the marital
status distribution of youth aged 15-24 in rural
and urban Pune district respectively, drawn from
the 2001 census.12 T-tests are presented of the
significance of differences between reports of
rural and urban men, and rural and urban women.
Profile of respondents
Table 1 shows the socio-demographic character
istics of respondents. While all respondents were
aged around 19 years, other socio-demographic
characteristics varied widely by sex and sometimes
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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

Table 1. Socio-demographic profile of youth by sex and urban-rural setting

Young men Young women

Rural3 Urban3 Rural* Urban3
(n=1,431) (n=1,271) (n=2,940) (n=2f929)
Economic status of household: mean
number of consumer goods ownedb 2.7 3.3** 2.6 3,2**
Mean age 19.6 19.4+ 19.4 19.1**
Married at age <18 (%) 7.7 5.3 53.3 54.3
Pre-marital co-residence with both parents (%) 80.2 72.1 ** 39
Co-residence with one or both parents (%) 92.4 89.1 * 43.7 56.2 **
Ever enrolled in school (%) 97.8 98.2 87.2 92.2 **
Currently in school (%) 26.0 30.3-f 12.7 24.0**
Completed 8+ years of school (%) 76.8 77.5 54.2 64.6**
Unpaid work on family farm or business
in last 12 months (%) 31.5 5.7** 45.9 4.6**
Paid work in last 12 months (%) 68.3 70.3 24.8 27.3 +
a Weighted for the marital status distribution observed in the 2001 census for females and males aged 15-24 in rural and urban Pune
district respectively,
b Television, telephone, pressure cooker, mobile phone, motorcycle/car, bicycle and VCR,
(+1*1**) Mests measuring significance of difference between rural and urban males and rural and urban females, significant at ,05 level (+),
.01 level (*) and. 001 level (**).

residence. Of note are wide gender differences in
marriage age and significant differences in school
ing profiles and current economic activity. Young
men were considerably more likely than young
women to be wage-earners. Likewise, rural youth
were significantly more likely than urban youth
to be involved in unpaid work, usually in a family
farm or business.
tionship in other contexts. Narratives highlighted
young people's familiarity with these behaviours
as well as their experiences of initiating or receiv
ing these proposals.
"There are mixed groups in 12th standard...
Boys in the group have proposed to girls in the
group for loveship." (Focus group discussion,
unmarried urban females)

Meeting and making and
receiving proposals
Despite perceptions to the contrary, interactions
between young women and men in both rural
and urban settings were not rare. 25-40% of
young men reported opposite-sex friends and
14-17% of young women (Table 2).
During the pre-survey qualitative phase, it
became clear that young people employed a dis
tinct set of terms to define romantic partner
ships; for example, "to propose" meant an offer of
romantic partnership, and "loveship" described
romantic partnerships, including or excluding
sexual relations, with or without marriage in
mind. "Romantic partnerships" were what might
be called a dating or girlfriend-boyfriend rela
"She starts giving 'line' [signs of liking the
boy]... Then they smile, talk. Then he goes up
directly and proposes loveship." (Focus group
discussion, unmarried urban males)
Significantly more urban than rural young men
reported either receiving or making a proposal
of partnership (Table 2). In contrast, few young
women reported receiving or making such a
proposal. The difference between the reports of
young women and young men receiving pro
posals may be attributed to the reluctance of
young women to disclose such information, on
the one hand, and the tendency of young men to
exaggerate their attractiveness to girls, on the
other. It may also reflect a genuine difference in
terms of opportunities for forming partnerships

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

Table 2. Pre-marital romantic partnership formation among young women and men

Young men Young women

Rural3 Urban3 Rural3 Urban3
(n-1,431) (n=1,271) (n=2f940) (n=2,929)
Have opposite-sex friends (%) 29.9 37.2 ** 14.7 17.3 *
Ever made or received a proposal (%) 25.9 36.1 ** 18.8 22.9 **
Used a mediator in a friendship proposal (%) 8.0 9.7 6.7 8.2 +
Ever had a romantic partner (%) 16.9 25.0 ** 5.4 8.2 **
Ever had a romantic partner by age (%)
15-19 12.3 22.5 ** 5.2 8.5 **
20-24 21.9 28.0+ 5.5 7.8 +
Among all respondents, life table probability of
experiencing a first date by age 16
Married .07 .11 .04 .06
Unmarried .05 .07 ,04 .06
a Weighted for the marital status distribution observed in the 2001 census for females and males aged 15-24 in rural and urban Pune
district, respectively.
(+1*1**) t~tests measuring significance of difference between rural and urban males and rural and urban females, significant at .05 level (+),
.01 level (*) and .001 level (**).

in that young men may have contacts in a larger
geographic area than young women.
In-depth interviews suggest that proposals are
made in several ways. While many young men
declare their affection directly, several unmar
ried young women reported that the boy had
handed her a letter declaring his love and deliv
ering a "proposal". For example:
"The next day I told her directly that I liked her,
at that time she was alone. She did not say
anything. In this way, over one month I proposed
to her forty-five times...1 would tell her when
ever she was alone.. .After a month, when I met
her alone and proposed, she said yes." (In-depth
interview, unmarried urban male, age 17)
"He gave me a letter... J took the letter but I
didn't know how to react... He wrote, T like you
a lot. I love you very much and I am waiting for a
positive answer. If you say no I will feel very
bad.' I did not reply. After a month on my birth
day he sent me a greeting [card]. Then I said yes.
I also wrote a letter to him." (In-depth interview,
unmarried rural female, age 18)
Given the clandestine nature of partnership
formation, proposals were often made through
intermediaries. A focus group discussion with
unmarried urban girls reported that other girls
may help a boy convey his interest to a girl,
perhaps by phoning or sending her chits or letters
on his behalf, or trying to convince her to be
interested in him. Survey findings corroborated
this pattern. About a quarter to a third of young
men and women who reported making or
receiving a proposal also reported an interme
diary (Table 2). Post-survey, in-depth interviews
highlighted that intermediaries were typically
friends, younger siblings or other children in
the community.
"I looked after 2 or 3 small boys... gave them
chocolates... / would send chits through them."
(In-depth interview, married urban male, age 21)
"Yes, he proposed to me for love. He told my
friend to tell me that he liked me a lot, and to ask
me if I would love him." (In-depth interview,
unmarried rural female, age 15)
Forming a romantic partnership
About 17% of rural young men and signifi
cantly more urban young men (25%) reported
having a romantic partner, while about 5-8% of
young women reported such an experience,
again more from urban than rural areas (Table 2).

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

In order to examine ages at partnership for 16-20% of all respondents reported that their
mation, we explored through life table analysis, first partner was an acquaintance, usually some
the probability of having a first date by age 16 one they met at a bus stop, on the way to college
among all respondents. Kaplan-Meier estimates, or work or at a wedding or other function, or a
presented in Table 2, suggest wide gender dif colleague. Rural young women were signifi
ferences: 5-11% of young men had an opposite cantly more likely than urban young women to
sex romantic partner by age 16, compared to report a relative as their first partner, and con
4-6% of young women. Of note also is the find versely significantly less likely to report a class
ing that those who were unmarried were about mate or fellow student. This finding reflects the
as likely as those married to report a pre-marital extent to which rural young women's lack of
partnership. Thus, our concern that unmarried mobility and opportunity limited their access to
youth might be less willing to disclose partner young men outside the family or neighbour
ships to avoid jeopardising their marriage pros hood, both in comparison to their urban counter
pects was unfounded. parts and young men. Young women were
typically younger than their male partners, with
Characteristics of pre-marital partnerships over 80% reporting that the partner was at least
two years older than them.
Respondents who reported one or more oppo
site-sex romantic partners were asked a series of
Gender differences were evident as regards
number of partners; while hardly any young
questions about the characteristics of partners,
women (under 5%) who had had a romantic
age at first relationship and parental and peer
awareness. In-depth interviews with survey partner reported more than one partner, about
25% of young men, irrespective of residence,
respondents reporting pre-marital partnerships
probed further into the nature and progress of reported that they had had more than one
romantic partner (data not shown).
these partnerships.
A range of types of partners was reported
(Table 3). They were largely from the same Parental and peer awareness of
neighbourhood. Young men were significantly the partnership
more likely than young women to report a Textual and survey data repeatedly highlighted
fellow student or colleague as their first partner. I young people's reluctance to confide in parents

Table 3. Characteristics of pre-marital partnerships among youth reporting a romantic partner

Young men Young women

Rural3 Urban3 Rural3 Urban3
(n=240)_(n=339) | (n=1S2)_(n=23
Relationship of first partner to respondent (%)
Neighbour 36.6 38.9 30.6 43.0 +
Classmate, fellow student or colleague
Relative 13.9 7.2 + 36.1 17.7 **
Family friend 0.3 1.2 4.1 3.5
Acquaintance, employee, other 20.1 15.9 19.2 18.5
Teacher, employer 0.5 1.9 4.6 2.1
Age difference to partner (%)
Partner 2-6 years younger 41.8 42.6 0.0 0.8
Partner same age ?1 year 54.2 51.6 9.6 14.4 *
Partner 2-6 years older 2.8 3.2 71.7 70.0
Partner 7+ years older 0.0 0.0 | 13
a Weighted for the marital status distribution observed in the 2001 census for females and males aged 15-24 in rural and urban Pune
district, respectively.
(+1*1**) t-tests measuring significance of difference between rural and urban males and rural and urban females, significant at .05 level (+),
.01 level (*) and .001 level (**).

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155
about a partnership, but a greater willingness to
confide in their peers.6'20 In several focus group
discussions and in-depth interviews, young people
reported that they feared their parents' disapproval:
"If we start a friendship with a boy, if he meets
us somewhere and if our parents see us talking
then something might come to their minds. So
we are scared and we wonder whether we should
have friendships with boys... Some parents are
really very strict. They don't like us talking with
boys, they also don't like friendships with
boys... If we have friendships behind our
parents' backs they don't like it." (Focus group
discussion, unmarried urban females)
"Who would take on the tension [of telling parents
of the friendship]? My parents would have beaten
me. No one knew in my house or in her house."
(In-depth interview, unmarried urban male, age 19)
However, while efforts were made to pursue when other household members were absent.
partnerships without parents' knowledge, in
many instances parents did become aware of
their children's partnerships (not shown in tabu
lar form). Patterns varied across groups: young
men were more successful in hiding a relation
ship from their parents than young women,
perhaps because their greater mobility enables
them to avoid arousing parental suspicion. Like
wise, rural youth appeared to be significantly
more successful than urban youth in concealing
a partnership from their parents.
Young people were clearly freer about their
partnerships with their peers than with their
parents. Some 80% or more of all respondents
who experienced partnerships reported that their
peers were aware of them, with little variation in
peer awareness by sex or rural-urban residence,
unlike in the case of parental awareness. In-depth
interviews similarly reflect this openness.
"My friends knew about it. My close friend...
knew about it as I would tell him everything; he
too would tell me everything about his girlfriend."
(In-depth interview, unmarried urban male, age 19)
Meeting sites
The study explored young people's opportunities
to meet in private, intimate behaviours experi
enced from handholding to sexual relations, expec
tations of the partnership and current status.
Although social norms dictate that unmarried
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young women and men must not mix or meet in
public or private, and prohibit physical intimacy
before marriage, young couples do find opportu
nities to meet privately and to engage in physical
intimacy (Table 4).
Meeting in a park, temple, bazaar, cinema,
tourist spot and on public transport (bus, rick
shaw) were reported in the pre-survey qualita
tive phase as typical of places where romantic
partners met privately. But not all of those
reporting a romantic partnership in the survey
met alone in any of these locations (Table 4). Sig
nificantly more young men reporting a partner
ship had met their partners in one of these sites
compared to young women. Urban youth like
wise were significantly more likely than rural
youth to have met in any of these locations. The
qualitative findings suggest that meetings
tended to be sporadic and opportunistic and fre
quently took place at the home of the girl or boy
Experience of physical intimacy
Respondents were asked whether they had
engaged in a range of intimate behaviours, from
handholding to kissing on the lips to sexual
relations with the romantic partner. As shown
elsewhere,21 wide gender differences in report
ing were evident. Some 15% of young men and
35% of urban and 38% of rural young women
who reported a partnership reported no physical
intimacy at all (Table 4).
Young women were not only far less likely than
young men to report any of these experiences, but
there is also a steady decline in the proportion
reporting these experiences with increasing forms
of intimacy, with some 62-63% of young women
reporting hand-holding, 35-43% reporting kiss
ing and 12-22% reporting sexual relations. The
decline among young men is not as steep: hand
holding was reported by 85%, kissing by 76-77%
and sexual relations by 39% of young urban men
and 50% of young rural men.
Narratives suggest a progression from estab
lishing the romantic partnership to engaging in
physical intimacy, including sexual intercourse
for some:
"[We started a romantic partnership] after
20 days. No [I was not alone]. My friends were
also there. After two months I met him alone. We
chatted for some time... We used to talk about
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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

Table 4. Patterns of pre-marital partnerships, behaviours and expectations among youth reporting
a romantic partner

Young men Young women

Rural3 Urban3 Rural3 Urban3
(n=240) (n=339) (n=152) (n=239)
Dating sites (%)
Ever been alone to a park, cinema, etc
with a romantic partner 48.4 67.6** 33.8 58.2**
Ever been alone in a bus/rickshaw/
public transport 52.8 65.5* 37.0 59.0**
Experience of physical intimacy (%)
Never engaged in any physical intimacy 14.8 14.6 38.4 35.4
Ever held hands with a romantic partner 85.2 84.8 61.6 63.3
Ever kissed a romantic partner 76.7 76.6 42.9 35.2
Ever had sex with a romantic partner(++) 50.4 38.5 + 22.4 11.9 +
% reporting more than one romantic partner 27.5 22.4
Life table probability of experiencing first
sex by duration of relationship
1st month of partnership
Unmarried .24 .15 .07 .02
Married .29 .17 .12 .07
6th month of partnership
Unmarried .42 .26 .08 .02
Married .47 .38 .16 .15
Partnership expectations and current status
Expected to marry partner (%) 69.2 62.7 93.2 86.2 +
Unmarried and partnership continuing (%) 46.0 52.0 67.1 67.
Married the partner (%) 32.6 31.2 65.7_87.6 **
a Weighted for the marital status distribution observed in the 2001 census for females and males aged 15-24 in rur
district, respectively.
(+1*1**) t-tests measuring significance of difference between rural and urban males and rural and urban females, significant at .05 level (+),
.01 level (*) and .001 level (**).
(++) represents 8.5% and 9.6% of all young men in rural and urban slum settings respectively; and 1.2 % and 1.0 % of young women,
correspondingly.

my friends... [smiles]. Yes, he held my hand and I
kissed me also... After one or one and a half
months [we had sex]." (In-depth interview,
unmarried urban female, age 20)
Although fewer rural than urban respondents
reported a romantic partnership, young rural
men and women were more likely to report
sexual relations with a romantic partner than
urban residents, which we speculate may be asso
ciated with greater opportunities for privacy.
As a percentage of the total respondents
(including those who did not report a romantic
partnership), youth who had engaged in sexual
relations with a romantic partner represented
9-10% of the young men and about 1% of the
young women; there were virtually no differences
by residence status. While these figures fall on the
lower side of reported rates of pre-marital sexual
experiences in a recent review of the literature,3
our findings exclude relations that may have been
forced, casual or that took place with a same-sex
partner, sex worker or older woman; moreover,
ours was a community-based study while most
studies focus on school- or college-going youth,
somewhat older youth or purposively selected
groups of youth.
Time from partnership formation to first sex
Among youth reporting a romantic partner,
we explored through life table analysis, the

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

probability of reporting first sex by duration of I and 50% of young men. Likewise, among cur
the relationship, using Kaplan-Meier estimates rently married youth, only 33% of young men
of probabilities of engaging in first sex within had married a romantic partner, while consid
one and six months of starting a partnership erably more young women (and significantly
(Table 4). Probabilities suggest wide gender dif more urban than rural ones) reported marrying a
ferences: among young men, 25% or more of romantic partner.
those in rural settings and about one seventh
of those in urban settings reported engaging
in sexual relations within the first month of Communication about sexual relations
the partnership; this increased to between 25% Table 5 presents evidence on the extent to
(unmarried urban young men) and almost 50% which young people who engaged in sex in a
(married rural young men) within six months of romantic partnership communicated about sex
initiating a partnership. Among young women, ual and contraceptive matters prior to engaging
2-12% engaged in sexual relations with a romantic in sex, their use of contraception at first sex
partner within a month of initiating the partner and thereafter, multiple partner relations, and
ship and 2-16% within six months. the extent to which first sex was consensual.
Numbers are particularly small among young
women and we have therefore combined data
Expectations of marriage and for groups of young women. These findings
current status
reflect the extent to which sexual relationships
All respondents who reported a romantic partner among young people may involve consider
were asked whether, in the course of the part able risk.
nership, they had expected to marry their part- [ Limited communication on sexual matters
ner. While the majority in each group reported | was found. Instead, sex appeared to be under
that they had expected to marry the person, I taken spontaneously, without prior communi
young women were systematically more likely cation, or whether and what type of protection
than young men to expect this (Table 4). to use (Table 5). At best, only about half of those
In in-depth interviews, while the majority sexually active reported discussing sex. Far
of young men also reported a desire to marry fewer discussed contraception with their part
their romantic partner, several had had no ners prior to first sex. In-depth interviews sug
such intention.
gest that in many cases there was no discussion,
"She wanted to get married to me but I did not and where discussion had taken place, it did not
want to marry her... My family would have appear to be well-informed. Often, communica
tion consisted of the young man convincing the
shouted at me and our financial situation was j
not good." (In-depth interview, unmarried rural j young woman to have sex, without her parti
male, age 17) cipating actively in the discussion.

"No, not at all [did I want to marry her]. For \

time-pass I got friendly with her." (In-depth | Condom use and multiple partners
interview, unmarried urban male, age 19) Condom use was far from universal (Table 5).
Among young men, condoms were used by 38%
"I had sex with her, but I did not like her like \
of rural and 44% of urban young men at first
that [lasting relationship]. No. At that time I \
sex; just over 25%, irrespective of residence,
could not control myself that's why I did it... I \
reported regular condom use with a romantic
did not like her much. It was not possible for me \
partners). Fewer young women reported condom
to accept her as my wife." (In-depth interview, |
use (pre-marital use of any contraceptive method
unmarried urban male, age 20)
was rare too; only six young married women
Expectations were not always fulfilled. Among j reported using oral contraceptives and two mar
those who were currently unmarried, despite the I ried men reported withdrawal). In-depth inter
large percentage who had expected to marry I views showed that while sexually experienced
their romantic partner, the partnership had been young men were familiar with condoms and had
discontinued for about 33% of young women indeed used condoms, they were only rarely used

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006; 14(28): 144-155

Table 5. Nature of sexual relations among youth reporting sexual relations with a romantic
partner

Rural young mena Urban young mena All young women3

(n=125) (n=138) (n=56)
Communication on sexual matters (%)
Discussed sex before first sex 53.3 39.4 52.6
Discussed contraception before first sex 30.4 29.5 19.3
Safe sex (%)
Condom use at first sex with romantic partner 37.9 43.8 17.5
Regular condom use with romantic partner 28,6 25.6 5.8
Multiple partners++ 10.9 21.5 4.0
Consensuality of sexual relations (%)
Consensual 94.0 78.8 60.7
Respondent was forced 0.0 0.0 8.9
Respondent was persuaded 0.3 1.4 30.4
Respondent persuaded partner 3.9 14.5 0.0
Respondent forced partner 1.8 5.3 0.0
a Weighted for the marital status distribution observed in the 2001 census for females and males aged 15-24 in rural and urban Pune
district, respectively.
(+/*/**) t-tests measuring significance of difference between rural and urban males and rural and urban females, significant at .05 level (+),
.01 level (*) and .001 level (**).
(++) includes married women, sex vvorxers, casual partners not defined as a romantic partner and same-sex partners.

at first sex, mainly due to lack of awareness and
the unexpected or unplanned nature of first sex.
Aside from sex with a romantic partner, all
survey respondents were also asked if they had
ever experienced sexual relations with same
sex partners, married women, sex workers (for
young men) and casual partners who they did
not define as romantic partners, or if they had
been the victims or perpetrators of forced sex, or
whether they had exchanged sex for a favour.
Among youth who had experienced sexual rela
tions with a romantic partner, 11% and 22% of
young men from rural and urban settings, respec
tively, had also engaged in sexual relations with
one or more of the above categories of partners.
Among young women who had experienced sexual
relations with a romantic partner, in contrast, only
4% reported such experiences.
Consensuality of sexual experiences with a
romantic partner
When asked whether first sex with any part
ner was forced, persuaded or consensual, the
majority said it was consensual, again with
marked gender differences. Young women were
far less likely than young men to report that sex
was consensual (Table 5). While numbers are
small, 9% of young women reported that they
had been forced and 30% that they had been
persuaded, i.e. refused at first but then agreed,
to have sex the first time with at least one part
ner. In contrast, 2% of young men from rural
and 5% from urban settings admitted that they
had forced their romantic partner to engage in
sex the first time and 4% and 15%, respectively,
that they had persuaded her. Some women acqui
esced fearing that refusing would hurt their
! chances of marrying their partner. Most young
women did not perceive these incidents as force
or pressure.
"J shouted when he began to remove my
clothes. He put his hand over my mouth and
told me not to shout. He said that my voice
should not be heard outside the door. I kept
quiet as I was scared. Then he slowly removed
my clothes and started kissing me. He lay
down near me and started caressing me on my
back and face. Then he put it inside twice."
(In-depth interview, unmarried urban female,
I age 19)

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

"Once he called me to the hills and told me to first sex occurs within a month of partnership
come to meet him... J went to meet him... and formation for a significant minority.
told him that I did not like all this and not to be Gender differences were considerable. While a
after me. He made me sit down and caught hold similar percentage of young women and men
of me tightly and told me that he would not let go had made or received a proposal of friendship,
of me... He kissed me on the lips, made me lie far more men than women had ever engaged in
on the ground and then had sex with me. I could a romantic partnership, physical intimacy or sex
not do anything because he had caught hold of me with a romantic partner or someone else. More
tightly. My hands started to pain... It was against over, notable disparities in expectations of a longer
my wish. Then I had a lot of problems. I got a term commitment emerged that show young
swelling there, I was bleeding and for three days I women to be at a distinct disadvantage in part
had a lot of pain. It was against my will." (In-depth nerships. Partner communication and negotiation
interview, unmarried rural female, age 15) about sex were rare, and because sex occurred
spontaneously it was unprotected for many. For
"Initially I said no. But later I agreed... When I a disturbing minority of young women who had
said no, he felt bad. Then he said that as we love engaged in sexual relations with a romantic
each other, it is ok if we do it." (In-depth inter partner, sex was not consensual.
view, unmarried rural female, age 15)
Finally, we acknowledge the limitations of
"He told me that he wanted our child. Then I our study. In this traditional setting governed by
realised what he wanted. First I said no. He pervasive norms inhibiting any friendship with
made a face, and I felt bad. Then I agreed. I did the opposite sex among young people - whether
not want to hurt him." (In-depth interview, platonic, romantic or sexual - youth were unwill
unmarried urban female, age 18) ing to disclose romantic partnerships, notwith
standing the rapport between the study team and
"I told her that if she really loved me then she respondents. Under-reporting therefore cannot
should have [sex] with me at least once." (In be ruled out.
depth interview, unmarried rural male, age 20) It is fair to assume that opportunities will
"He told me that we should have sexual rela increasingly present themselves for social inter
tions. I told him that I was not willing to before action and partnership formation between young
marriage. I was not ready. I thought that after women and men. Declining age at puberty
I said 'no' he must have felt hurt... / did not combined with an increase in age at marriage
want to hurt him.. .He wanted to marry me, he create a growing window of opportunity in
wouldn't have got married then [if I refused which to engage in sexual relations. Likewise,
sex]. I loved him a lot." (In-depth interview, rural
given trends in schooling levels, economic activ
unmarried female, age 16) ity and media exposure, we can infer that young
people will remain longer in school, become
increasingly engaged in paid work and have
Summary and conclusions | greater access to new ideas, social mixing and
These findings confirm that even in this seem | partnership formation.
ingly traditional setting, opportunities exist for Our findings highlight that partnership for
the formation of pre-marital partnerships, and mation usually leads to some form of physical
despite supervision by parents, young people do intimacy. Hence, it is critical that policies and
devise strategies to meet and communicate with programmes for youth work towards ensuring
members of the opposite sex and form partnerships. that young women and men are fully informed
Patterns of pre-marital relations suggest a and equipped to make safe choices and nego
clear progression in the courting experience, tiate wanted outcomes. Sexuality education must
from making or receiving a proposal, to having become universal and address relationships,
an opposite-sex partner, to physical intimacy consent and safety from an early age both in
and sexual experience with that partner. There schools and other settings in which young people
is a steady drop in the percentages of young I congregate, and address gender double standards
people reporting more intimate behaviours. But | and power imbalances that are so evident among
among those who do initiate sexual relations, the young.

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 M Alexander et al / Reproductive Health Matters 2006;14(28):144-155

Equally important is the need for India's repro Acknowledgements

ductive health programmes to be inclusive of 77ns study was supported by a grant to the Pop
unmarried young people and recognise their right ulation Council from the MacArthur Founda
to information and services. Counselling and con tion, whose support is gratefully acknowledged.
traceptive services must be made available to We thank John Cleland, KG Santhya, Rajib
unmarried young people in non-threatening, Acharya, Lea Hegg and Deepika Ganjufor valu
non-judgmental and confidential ways. Finally, able comments and support; Mahesh Naik for
efforts must be made to ensure a supportive envi software development; Aparna Godke, Komal
ronment; programmes need to address parental Saxena, Varsha Tol and Dipak Zadefor support
inhibitions about discussing sexual matters with and assistance; CASP coordinators for field sup
their children and encourage greater openness port and our young interviewers for skills in elic
and interaction between parents and children. iting information on these sensitive topics.

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Resume
Fonde sur des donnees qualitatives et d'enquetes
dans des bidonvilles ruraux et urbains du district
de Pune, Inde, cet article decrit les relations
premaritales chez des jeunes de 15-24 ans,
meme si les rapports avec le sexe oppose sont
decourages avant le mariage. 25-40% des jeunes
hommes et 14-17% des jeunes femmes ont
indique avoir des amis du sexe oppose. La
plupart des jeunes avaient concAi des strategies
pour avoir des relations, principalement avec
des habitants du meme quartier. Faire ou
recevoir des propositions amoureuses, sortir
avec un gargon ou une fille, lui tenir la main,
l'embrasser ou avoir des relations sexuelles
etaient des experiences tres differentes selon
les sexes. Pour ceux qui avaient des relations
sexuelles, peu de temps s'ecoulait entre le debut
de la relation et les premiers rapports sexuels.
Ces rapports avaient le plus souvent lieu sans
protection ni communication, et pour une
minorite inquietante de jeunes femmes, seulement
moyennant persuasion ou sans consentement. Un
fort pourcentage de celibataires avaient pense
epouser leur partenaire, mais la relation avait ete
rompue pour un tiers des jeunes femmes et la
moitie des jeunes hommes. Une relation conduit
souvent a l'intimite physique, qui doit etre
voulue et sans risque. Les jeunes necessitent des
programmes qui les informent de maniere
confidentielle, non menagante et sans les juger,
dans le respect de leurs droits sexuels et en leur ;
permettant de faire des choix surs et de negocier
des resultats escomptes.
Resumen
Utilizando datos cualitativos y de encuestas
en zonas rurales y en un barrio bajo urbano
del distrito de Pune, en la India, este articulo
describe los patrones de las relaciones romanticas
prematrimoniales entre los jovenes de 15-24
afios de edad, pese a las normas que frenan
la interaction entre sexos opuestos antes del
matrimonio. Entre el 25% y el 40% de los jovenes
y el 14% y el 17% de las jovenes informaron
tener amigas/os del sexo opuesto. La mayoria
de las personas jovenes idearon estrategias
para interactuar con otros, principalmente del
mismo barrio. Se observaron amplias diferencias
de genero con respecto al plantear o recibir
propuestas romanticas, tener una pareja romantica
y experimentar tomarse de la mano, besarse y
tener relaciones sexuales. Para aquellos que
tuvieron relaciones sexuales, el tiempo desde el
inicio de la relacion a la primera relation sexual
file corto. Por lo general, las relaciones sexuales
ocurrian sin proteccion o comunicacion, y para
una alarmante minoria de mujeres jovenes, solo
despues de ser persuadidas o sin su consentimiento.
Entre aquellas personas solteras, un gran porcentaje
esperaba casarse con su pareja romantica, pero
para la tercera parte de las jovenes y la mitad de los
jovenes la relacion habia tenninado. La formation
de parejas a menudo conduce a la intimidad fisica,
pero esta debe ser deseada, informada y segura. Los
resultados indican que deben crearse programas
para informar a la juventud sin amenazas, sin
prejuicios y de manera confidential, respetar sus
derechos sexuales y equiparla para tomar decisiones
seguras y negociar los resultados deseados.

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