Vettina Pauline G.

Villarica
11231343
MARRIED LIFE

Having interviewed my parents, and growing up with their stories and endless
reminders, I can say that I have already come to realize a lot of things about marriage,
even though I have not had a first-hand experience of it. As a little girl, I have already
established my dreams for when I grow up. I had all of my plans laid out and everything
was set. As a little girl, I first envisioned myself as a teacher because of my little
fascination with chalks. When I reached grade school, I thought I wanted to be an
astronaut instead. A few more years after, I thought: I wanted to be a model or an actress.
Then come the last two years of high school, I knew I needed to decide on what I really
wanted to attain. I then knew I wanted to be a doctor just like my dad and sister, thus I
took up BS- Psychology for my pre-med course. Come the start of junior year, I started to
get iffy. I then thought, I cannot survive the world of science. I was having a hard time
with my sciences and I entirely dreaded studying for those subjects. I knew it wasn’t for
me. I finally decided – I’m not going to med school anymore as planned. As radical as it
sounded, I really wanted to be a pilot all of a sudden but my parents disagreed. They
thought it wouldn’t be fit for a female like me in the real world. I went back to one of my
dreams as a little girl that I never really entertained. And that was to be a flight attendant.
Though, I went on to finish my course anyway as I was already more than halfway done.
That aspect of my dreams has drastically changed throughout the years; some because of
my indecisiveness, some caused by the change of heart, and some simply because of the
circumstances that wouldn’t allow it. Though, there is that one more dream that remained
intact and constant all throughout my existence. And that was to get married and be able
to build my own family someday.

As a little girl, growing up to meet the love of my life and becoming a mother to
my own children someday was a mere standard. There was not a lot of choices for me
back then, and it was almost like I was just programmed to think that it is my one and
only path as I grow up to become a lady. As naïve as I was, I thought that all the other
little girls like me would someday walk down the aisle. My idea of marriage back then
was very shallow. Following what I saw from fairytales, I thought marriage was just
about falling in love with someone and getting married when the time is right. It was just
about the diamond ring and the beautiful wedding dress and of course, the party after the
ceremony. I was too young to realize what it was really about. I remember thinking when
I was 17 and very hands-on with the planning of my debut, I couldn’t wait to get married;
all because I thoroughly enjoyed planning my party despite the stress. My party got
featured on Summit Media’s mydebut.ph and I thought to myself, “wow! I’m great at
this” and that is only what it took for me to get immensely inspired to get married. I
thought that getting married would be so much fun because it would mean taking events
planning to a higher level. I thought: I could wear the grandest dress I have only ever
dreamed of wearing. I even recall taking note of the biggest names in the industry of
event planning that I wasn’t able to work with for my 18 th because I thought that I would
just reserve them for my wedding instead. I was idealistic. I was youthful, and still am.
 I was roughly 16 years old when I had my first boyfriend, almost just like my
parents back then who got into a relationship at the fresh age of 17 when they were
classmates during their first year in college at UST. My boyfriend and I back then were
together for almost 3 years. And at that age, I was fascinated by young love. I was deep
in love and I never wanted it to end. At a point, it consumed me. I was so worried that we
were still so young and that the remaining years could betray us. I kept counting the days
as if every month was an accomplishment, a month down, a month nearer to our goal. I
greatly feared time. I would always think to myself if we would ever make it. And on
those days that I doubted if we could, I would just think of how it was possible for my
parents. My parents were together for 10 years before they got married at the age of 27.
Still, I wanted to jump through time. I wanted to fast forward to the time when we can
finally get married. That was my only end goal. I thought that once we get to that point, I
can finally relax. The idea of getting married was satisfying. For me, it was the finish
line. Little did I know that it’s only the beginning. I asked my parents about this. I’ve
always been in awe of those couples who stay in a relationship for a period long enough
like my parents’ and so I asked them how they were able to do it. I asked them how to
survive. Being close to my parents, my dad said that my mentality with my first boyfriend
was the complete opposite of what helped him and my mom sustain 10 years of being
together before getting married. He just simply said that they barely thought about it and
that there was no rush. Aside from love, that was the key.

Having grown out of that phase where only the sparks and butterflies mattered, I
now know better. Whenever my mom asks me about my future plans and when I want to
get married, I still always tell her that I want to get married by the age of 27 and not any
later than when I’m 28. My parents would always tell me that it is too young of an age to
get married during these times. I just shrug it off because I know that though it is my
ideal age, we’re still never sure of what is going to happen. With my present boyfriend of
almost 2 years, I still like to hope for the best. We still have that common goal, of course.
Because why would we even get into a relationship in the first place if we didn’t? We
talk about future plans sometimes but we still like to keep things light. I don’t obsess over
it anymore like I used to in my past relationship. Sometimes I wonder if there’s
something wrong about not being as preoccupied by the thoughts of making it and then I
come to realize that maybe it’s better as it can only mean that we’re taking it day by day.
I realize that there aren’t any goals being skipped and that’s what’s important because it
only means that if ever we do get to that stage, then we would be two complete
individuals ready to take on another great start. It feels great to be able to keep an open
mind knowing that at this age, I have far more important things to think about than
marriage which belongs to another era in my life.

As I’ve grown more mature when it comes to matters of the heart, I’ve also
acquired the ability to understand what marriage is in greater depths. Now, I have a
greater sense of what it really is. I now know that it is not limited to just a diamond ring,
a wedding gown or just the reception. Life with my parents has helped me see it more
clearly. I asked my parents how they knew that they were ready for the married life and
they said that the signal was when they both had stable careers already. Financial stability
is one of the most important factors in getting married because you need to be ready to
support not just a partner, but also a family. That is why my parents always make it a
point to remind me that I should focus on my career first and that if possible, allot more
time before I get married as they both know that my ideal marrying age is 27. They’ve
discussed with me the countless expenses that comes along with marriage and I must say
that it already sounds so overwhelming, not to mention that my parents were already
lucky enough to not have to spend for a house as my grandparents were kind enough to
give them one as a gift for their wedding. One tip from my parents was that, in marriages,
the usual and common root of arguments and fights is money.

The first parts of marriage are always fun according to my mom and dad, yet at
the same time the most challenging. It takes a great deal of adjustment and when the
honeymoon phase is over, reality settles in. It starts to reveal itself as a person’s greatest
responsibility in life. Were there hard times? Challenges that almost knocked you down?
I asked. Well, yes of course. I just felt the need to ask them this question even if I already
knew the answer. My parents have been married for 28 years now and I witnessed most
of my parents’ hardships. My parents would often argue and fight when I was younger
and I got used to that environment. Now that my sister and I are older, things are more
mellow. My parents would argue about the littlest of things. My dad would get upset that
my mom didn’t cook his favorite nilaga on a Sunday morning or they would have a
discussion over a tv channel because my mom wanted to watch her teleserye and my dad
wanted to watch something else. They were like kids in a way. The golden question was,
how did they still manage to keep the marriage alive despite all the fights and hardships?
– At the end of the day, fights will always just be fights and losing your partner to these
fights is never worth it.

When I asked my parents if they regret anything at all about getting married they
both said that they don’t. And when I asked why, their answer was also the same – they
would’ve never had me and my sister if they didn’t get married. Aside from the
companionship and the love, they said that the greatest blessing of marriage is the
children. Though, they both know that at the end of it all, it will be just the two of them
who will stay together as children leave to build families of their own. Marriage isn’t just
about the wedding and later on, the cute family portraits. Marriage is a lot of work. In
marriage, you work hand in hand. You function as a single unit. Almost everything you
do will affect your partner. What brings you down will bring him/her down and what
pulls you up will pull him/her up. But that only means that whatever situation you’re put
in, you won’t have to face it alone because in marriage, you work like a team and you
never leave your partner behind.