Running Head: BAM441 RESEARCH ESSAY: LISTENING 1

BAM441 Research Essay: Listening

Jeremy Ralya

8/13/2023

Sienna Heights University

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What do politics at the dinner table, religion in the office, and your broke uncle giving

passionate financial advice all have in common? Aside from being uncomfortable topics, 9 times

out of 10 if you are within earshot of these conversations you either load up a passionate rebuttal

or tune out the conversation altogether. These types of opinions are rooted deep within our

values and typically generate a defensive response. Rarely do people intentionally approach the

conversation looking to understand the speaker's perspective on politics, religion, or financial

advice. Unfortunately, this behavior is not limited to these taboo topics. Our inability to listen

effectively creeps into our studies, work lives, and personal relationships and is estimated to cost

U.S. businesses billions of dollars each year. (Claybrooks, 2022) The problem is that people

don’t listen with the intention of understanding, they listen with the intent to respond. This essay

aims to improve our listening by first replacing judgment with a genuine sense of curiosity.

Secondly, to respond with dialog instead of discussion, and finally to help you drive results by

retaining key relationships.

Jonathan Shay is an author who wrote the book Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and

the Undoing of Character. This book delved into the psychological traumas of war. In the book,

Shay warned that “before analyzing, before categorizing, before thinking, before trying

to do anything …. we should listen.” (Shay, 1994) Listening starts from a place of vulnerability.

You must come to terms with the fact that this person likely knows something you do not know,

and you must genuinely want to know what that thing is.

The first step toward effective listening is to replace judgment with genuine curiosity.

Carol Gilligan and Jessica Eddy outlined the three components of what they've coined "guided
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listening." The first of these three is; Listening for the plot. This is where you need to be

intentional about following the story they are trying to tell. We have to stay invested in the

experience to have truly listened. The second component is Listening for the "I". When listening

for the "I" you have to be curious about what within their message is personal to the speaker,

even if they don’t overtly state "I". Ask yourself, are they passionate about this message because

it's rooted in fears, aspirations, or are they just seeking validation? The final Component of

Guided listening is listening for contrapuntal voices. Gilligan and Eddy explained that In music,

contrapuntal means two or more separate threads of notes played at the same time. We need to be

listening for who else might be speaking through this person's message. Sometimes the voices

are in harmony and other times they conflict. By listening for the contrapuntal voice we being to

discern where or rather from whom this message is really coming. (Gilligan, 2021)

I believe one of the most challenging yet crucial steps of guided listening is listening for

the "I". Intentionally listening for I can help you navigate those uncomfortable conversations like

politics at the dinner table or your uncle's financial advice. To dissect this further, consider that

broke uncle again. He has recently become vocal about the upside potential of cryptocurrencies.

Perhaps it's rooted in the fact that he's made poor financial decisions in the past. He fears that

he's approaching retirement age and doesn’t have a traditional nest egg, so he's invested all his

hope in his Coinbase to make ends meet in the future.

Alternatively, consider the heated debate between the recent college graduate and the

small business owner over student debt forgiveness. The college graduate is passionate because

he was told all his life that in order to be successful, he had to get a college education. The cost

of tuition continues to rise and he chose to take a loan for the services he couldn’t afford. Now

the job market hasn’t offered the opportunities he expected, and his balance continues to
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compound leaving him feeling trapped with no relief in sight. On the other side of the table is the

small business owner. She was taxed when she purchased the land her store sits on. Property

taxes are assessed every year for her store to sit on the land she purchased. The heating bill and

light bill are taxed. The gas she puts in the car to get to work is taxed. Every dollar she earns as

income is taxed by the federal government, the state, and then the city. Finally, whatever she has

left to spend incurs a sales tax. So while listening to the grad's tales of woe, she expresses that

"she'll be damned" if the consequences of the grad's choices are going to be passed to her, the

taxpayer.

After you've replaced judgment with curiosity you need to learn how to effectively

respond to what you've heard. Society commonly uses the word discussion to describe back-and-

forth exchanges of messages and feedback. We need to shift our responses from discussion to

dialog to promote a spirit of inquiry. The word discussion stems from the Latin word discutere

which means to "smash to pieces". When we discuss things, we advocate for one position over

another. In short, people discuss to win. This type of exchange, as the translation implies,

promotes fragmentation and is a poor way to build bonds with others. Whether in business or

personal relationships, people will not feel "heard" if they are immediately shut down and their

expressed feelings are smashed to pieces. (Levi, 2021)

Alternatively, Dialog stems from the Greek roots dia meaning "through" or "with each

other" and Logos meaning "the word". Dialog is defined as a sustained inquiry into everyday

experience and what we take for granted. This proven strategy for stepping out of individualism

and developing relationships with other. (Levi, 2021) Instead of advocating for a position, ask

probing questions to dig up the plot, explore personal connections, and uncover the other voices

in their message.
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To promote better dialog, you can leverage a well-researched formula proven to improve

listening. The acronym CARESS adds together six basic skills that multiply the effectiveness of

listening. The first skill is Concentrate, where we focus all attention on what the speaker is

saying. The second skill is Acknowledge. This is where you leverage appreciative body language

like nods and eye contact to provide non-verbal signals that you are receiving the message. The

third skill is called Research. Research is the practice of self-talk where we internally analyze

what is being said. Skill four is Exercising control. Here we must restrain our emotions and

maintain patience. The fifth skill is the Sense of non-verbal messages where you observe the

speaker's body language. Finally, Structure is where you re-organize and put the message in a

logical order. If you leverage these six skills within your dialog sessions your speaker will feel

heard and you step through the message with each other! (Chakravarti, 2020)

In business, organizations incur large investment costs while recruiting and building

talent. The unfortunate fact is that a significant portion of employees leave their organization due

to a lack of listening, understanding, and valuable responses to employees' communications.

(Chakravarti, 2020) By improving our listening skills you can ensure that upfront investment is

not wasted and maximize the return on that investment in the future.

Active retention starts during the hiring process and continues even after an employee

resigns. During the recruitment process, listening is crucial. Instead of simply listening for

correct interview questions and providing cookie-cutter job expectations, Employers should use

the interview process to understand the candidate's needs, interests, and working styles. After

recruitment listening to employees' needs and addressing them gives employees a sense of

respect. At this point, organizations should cultivate an environment that supports dialog. When
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an employee believes their voice is heard and they start to consider themselves part of the

organization, they are less likely to think about searching for a new job! This listening-centered

environment minimizes conflict, proactively identifies protentional issues before they happen,

and makes employees feel secure and motivated.

Unfortunately, every employer will face a resignation at one point and time. During

resignations, it is crucial to replace all judgment with a sense of curiosity. It is also a critical time

to leverage the fourth skill of CARESS and exercise control over our emotions. The goal of

navigating employee resignations should be to evaluate the present situation of the organization.

When employers can understand the reason for employees leaving, they can take action and

boost future retention efforts! (Chakravarti, 2020)

Some of us allow our busy lives to keep us from slowing down to smell the flowers, let

alone take the time to listen to our grandmother share her passion for the variety of species in her

garden. For others, our arrogance drives us to make sure we always have the last word. Our

listening habits have turned us into "museum-goers whose whole experience consists of mentally

saying, “That’s cubist! … That’s El Greco!” but never truly see anything we’ve looked at."

(Gilligan, 2021). We can combat these unfortunate realities by replacing judgment with curiosity

and listening for the plot, the "I", and the other concordantial voices nested in the speaker's

message. We can build trust and a sense of respect by promoting dialog and leveraging the

formula CARESS in our interactions. Finally, we can secure the return on investment by creating

a listener-centered environment during recruitment, throughout employment, and while

navigating resignations. The problem is most people listen with intent to respond but effective

listeners know that the real value is in listening to understand.

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References

Claybrooks, S. (2022). EFFECTIVE LISTENING: THE ESSENTIAL COMPONENT FOR

EFFECTIVE STRATEGY AND LEADERSHIP. The Journal of Applied Christian
Leadership, 16(1), 56-61. Retrieved from
https://sienaheights.idm.oclc.org/login?url=.?url=https://www.proquest.com/scholarly-
journals/effective-listening-essential-component-strategy/docview/2812112677/se-2

Chakravarti, S., & Chakraborty, S. (2020). Employee Retention Through Listening-Centered

Communication. IUP Journal of Soft Skills, 14(1), 67-74.
https://sienaheights.idm.oclc.org/login?url=.?url=https://www.proquest.com/scholarly-
journals/employee-retention-through-listening-centered/docview/2425833555/se-2

Gilligan, C., & Eddy, J. (2021). The Listening Guide: Replacing judgment with
curiosity.Qualitative Psychology, 8(2), 141-151. https://doi.org/10.1037/qup0000213

Levi, D. (2021). Group Dynamics for teams. SAGE Publications, Inc.

Shay, J. (1994). Achilles in Vietnam: Combat trauma and the undoing of character. Simon &
Schuster. Sorsoli, L. , & Tolman, D. L.