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HBO - Unt Sarah Silverman
HBO - Unt Sarah Silverman
The side of the bed next to her is empty but has been slept
in. She sits up to see the detritus of the night before.
Her clothes are all over the floor. The sort of underwear you
keep for special occasions.
There are two hotel robes on the floor. JUDE chooses one
based on smell. She puts it on. It comforts her.
JUDE steps and stands on broken glass, wincing. She sits back
down on the bed to examine her foot. She eyes a broken
drinking glass and a wine stain on the wall.
JUDE (V.O.)
I get that you’re probably going to
hate me.
JUDE wipes her eye with the hand that has been holding the
toothbrush, smearing toothpaste foam into her eye. She
grimaces.
JUDE (V.O.)
I’d like to say I don’t care. But I
do.
JUDE (V.O.)
And I’d like to say I’m sorry.
But I’m not.
She smiles for the first time, suddenly deeply moved. Her
hand goes to her mouth.
JUDE
Sorry, glass! Don’t come over!
JUDE throws her towel over the glass to cover the glass.
JUDE (CONT’D)
You take them. For you. We’re
alive, lady!
JUDE
Airport. Tacoma. Emergency.
I LOVE YOU
JUDE (O.S)
- and I love that you know how to
make me laugh, and your stupid face
and I know it’ll be crazy
but....and -
3.
JUDE
Every minute I spend without you is
a waste and I’ sorry I was a douche
last night I was just scared. I’m
scared. It’s my whole life. Your
whole life, their ...
But then I woke up without
you...and that scared me more.
DRIVER
Yeah.
JUDE
Yeah?
DRIVER
I would definitely go to bed with
you.
JUDE
Thanks. You too. Not really.
Is there music?
Music over -
Seattle traffic all along the I-90 bridge. Jude’s cab slows
as it joins it.
JUDE leans forward to see what the hold up is. She sees the
heavy traffic. Maybe more cabs up ahead?
JUDE
Are those..lights?
4.
She thinks she sees available cabs further along the bridge.
JUDE scrabbles in her purse and hands the DRIVER the fare so
far.
JUDE (CONT’D)
Sorry doll, I gotta try.
JUDE made a run for it, maybe even taking her heels off,
along the bridge, trying to reach a cab further ahead in the
queue.
But JUDE begins to slow as the cab she has her eye on pulls
too far into the distance. The traffic is finally moving.
JUDE
Heeey.
DRIVER
I gonna wait on the freeway stuck
here for twenty dollars?!
JUDE
Sorry...
JUDE (CONT’D)
That your wife?
DRIVER
Yes. And my daughter. Most
important thing in the world, the
only thing: Family.
(MORE)
5.
DRIVER (CONT'D)
/ I work sixteen hours days, I work
on holidays, I work New Years,
always -
JUDE
Ooh, it’s him!
JUDE (CONT’D)
Oh shit. I...- I was trying to get
to you, to say....Okay. I woke up
scared shitless. And.. I think of
your stupid face and ..... your
mirror penis made me cry...
This isn’t going to plan. JUDE eyes the DRIVER, she can’t do
this in close up.
JUDE (CONT’D)
Sorry, I had a.. plan.
JUDE (CONT’D)
Can you hear me?
JUDE (CONT’D)
I’m sorry I said no. I’m sorry I
freaked out. I - you were right.
No more hotel rooms no more lying.
You there?!
JUDE (CONT’D)
I’m saying do what you have to. I
love you. Let’s do it.
(MORE)
6.
JUDE (CONT’D)
(to be heard clearly) LET’S DO IT!
YES! I’m all in!
JUDE turns back. The traffic has moved on. Her taxi driver
has pulled far away. She waves to him, jumps with joy and
gives him a thumbs up to say ‘I did it!’ The DRIVER puts his
own thumb up through the window of his cab as he drives away.
JUDE hangs up, euphoric.
Then JUDE realises she’s waved goodbye to her lift. She looks
around, lots of cars but no other cabs. Of course. She
realises she’s stranded. Oops.
CREDITS
CUT TO:
STACY BLACK, 40, a very fit, tanned man with bleached hair,
sneakers and expensive 3/4 length trousers is standing,
facing her in this glass cube of an office.
STACY
Game? No.
JUDE
No.
STACY
Design?
JUDE
Maybe. Sound?
STACY
Pff.
7.
JUDE
Does Sound mean anything?
STACY
Anything means anything at this
point.
JUDE (CRINGING)
Really...?
STACY
They’re gonna parade my head round
this place on a spike. I’m shitting
it Ben’s gonna leave. And I think
Tino’s got an interview at Valve.
STACY
Thanks.
JUSTIN
Think she’s fired?
TINO
Someone is.
MOPHES
It’s not her fault. Incentives are
fine.
BRYAN
Pfft, And the reason we have a
loading screen during an end
mission.
JUSTIN
If one more person says loading
screen I swear I will lose my shit.
JUDE
Anyway what about me - I might
leave?!
STACY
Only way you leave, they set up a
company in your apartment building,
you go in in your pyjamas -
JUDE
I come here in my pyjamas! I slept
here leading up to shipping!
STACY
Not saying you’re lazy! Saying you
know what you like, you like what
you know.
JUDE
I was the one that said hover-
boots!
JUDE
It’d help if you kept your cock out
of it.
STACY
By ‘it’ do you mean your vagina?
JUDE
No I mean ‘the situation.’
Which is what I call my asshole.
STACY
/ Listeen, it’s supposed to be a
surprise. But. They are giving a
Special Contribution Award,
tonight. I’m not supposed to tell
you.
9.
JUDE (TOUCHED)
Really?!
STACY
Yeah. So, wear something nice.
JUDE (DELIGHTED)
..Okay! Cool.
They notice that all the EMPLOYEES in the nearby glass office
are pressed against a different wall of glass, excited about
something they can see downstairs. STACY goes over to look
down to the lower floor.
STACY
Hey come look, come look, the sim’s
here!
JUDE goes over and looks past Stacy’s hands presse don the
glass down to a large FLIGHT SIMULATOR pod being wheeled in
to the open plan floor beneath. Many EMPLOYEES are gathering
around it, itching to look.
JUDE
What did you get now..?
They are not showing the simulator quite enough respect for
BLAKE, who is in charge of its delivery.
BLAKE
Is there a place this is going?
STACY
Awesome! Who feels the neeed for
speeed!?
JUDE deliberately ignores him and it. She makes for the exit,
stopping to give MOPHES a greeting hand-clasp/shoulder bump.
MOPHES
Hey, dude, you coming straight to
the hotel?
JUSTIN (SUNG)
Highway to the Dangerzone!
STACY
How do we start this up, velvet?
BLAKE
This is a multi-plane FSI for
professional use, it doesn’t just
plug in.
BLAKE outside his own front door, in the future now. A black
cab has dropped him off. He is dragging a suitcase with
flight labels on it. The family home glows warm against a
dark night. His keys are raised in the other hand.
BLAKE leans his head against the wood of the door, not yet
able to insert the key. He gulps in air.
He closes his eyes, puts the key in his mouth, tasting it.
Absorbing the shape of home as it has been til now.
11.
MELISSA
Beer!
JUDE
Child!
JUDE (CONT’D)
- I’m sorry I can’t stay.
JUDE
There’s one night in the year I
can’t do, I said in the email -
MELISSA
I know, I can’t believe I arranged
it round my life, not yours..
JUDE begins taking her shoes off, as it’s that kind of house.
There is a BBQ going on. The small garden teems with children
and a few parents. Lots of color except JUDE who is all in
black.
12.
JUDE
Aggghh noooooooo you’re dead.
MELISSA
So it’s a party, basically?
JUDE
No, we’re up for Best Game and Best
Sound and Best Design so I’m...
RUSSELL
Diarrhea!
JUDE
‘Diarrhea in your face!!’
FRAN
I looked your game up on google and
a lot of people seemed angry.
JUDE
Yeah, they get angry, ma, that’s
what they do.
But also I’m getting a..special
contribution thing -
FRAN
Because you’re a woman?
JUDE
Or because I’m amazing...?
- ‘Oh no you’re dead!’
MELISSA
They don’t really understand what
dead means.
JUDE
It means when all your organs shut
down. Like nana.
Hey is dad coming?
13.
CUT TO:
MELISSA
He left this shitty - (hits her own
mouth in self-chastisement) gruff
message on my phone saying it was
too far. Who knows he might be
dying or whatever, but if he’s not,
he’s being the.. B-word.
JUDE
...Black?
MELISSA
It’s probably good he’s not here
with... - (gesture towards their
mom)
JUDE
God! They haven’t been together
since I got my period!
RUSSELL
What’s a period?
JUDE
It’s like diarrhea but for girls
made out of blood and dead babies.
MELISSA
Why do you do that?
JUDE
It’s true. And entertaining.
GRAHAM
Hey Jude, fucking Mariners, you
see?
JUDE
Crazy!
14.
GRAHAM
Here you go.
(to Melissa) Honey, you wanna do it
now?
JUDE
Of course it’s pink, you’re eating
a pig, dude!
JUDE is now wearing a dress she has borrowed from her sister.
She looks uncomfortable.
MELISSA
And then we were blessed with
Moses, eighteen months later, who
has always been the serious one,
little soldier man. Then, in the
summer of 2012
MELISSA
They’re equally rude.
JUDE (PRIVATELY)
It’s clear where this is going -
from everything, and the clothes,
so congratulations.
MELISSA
We’re fostering.
15.
JUDE
Wow! That is..extra good! You’re
amazing.
You’re amazing people!
See ya later, animal eaters!
JUDE has her bag and a bottle of beer still in her hand,
comes out of the front door....But GRAHAM has followed JUDE
out.
GRAHAM
Hey, Jude, sorry, I should have
told you about this before -
JUDE
Hey, it’s your child. Well. It’s
not. But.
GRAHAM
You gotta sec,? You wanna...?
JUDE
What, she got a black hole between
her legs, she’s dragging in other
people’s kids now?
GRAHAM
We’re gonna pay you back.
JUDE
I don’t care!
GRAHAM
It’s something she always wanted,
we’ve always talked about it - it’s
nothing to do with / the money
16.
JUDE
I don’t care. I leant it to you.
It’s yours. And I’m a fan of..all
that. It’s like getting a rescue
dog but a kid.
JUDE gets out of the back and gets in the driver’s seat. She
takes a hit from the bong.
JUDE (CONT’D)
It’s just weird you know I made a
choice not to have that expense,
now I’m paying for someone else’s
kids -
GRAHAM
Hey - !
JUDE
I just didn’t think I’d be paying
for someone else’s else’s kids?!
GRAHAM
It was one time for the mortgage.
We’re not buying him.
JUDE
I get it.
GRAHAM
I know if Mel knew she’d say thank
you.
GRAHAM (CONT’D)
I’ll pay you back right now if you
...-
GRAHAM (CONT’D)
Really soon.
JUDE
Shit. I gotta go.
GRAHAM
You’re a mensch.
17.
JUDE (CONT’D
I’m a generous person, okay? But at
christmas - which is your thing -
and I get presents for every one of
you guys, and I just get a scarf,
maybe...remember that.
JUDE
Sure she does.
Over -
JUDE (V.O.)
I think I would have had a kid too,
if I’d had a wife. A free baby-
sitter. You can have sex with. And
not get arrested. I know it works
the other way round. I just.
Literally have never seen that.
STACY puts his hand in the middle of the table. They put
theirs on top.
TOGETHER
If you die in real life you die in
the game.
WAITRESS
You need change with that?
BLAKE
...I don’t know if I need change.
It’s difficult, I don’t want to say
yes, cos that seems insulting.
You’ve been fine.
WAITRESS
Aw.
BLAKE
This whole charade was much better
in stages, when you took it and
brought it back, then I left
whatever and - none of this eye
contact.
CUT TO:
BLAKE is lying on his hotel bed, clothed, with his TABLET out
in front of him. The Seattle skyline blinks in the distance.
BLAKE
Hey... Helen. I know I’m not
supposed to...But.
...I yelled at a waitress... If you
want to know the ripple
effects.....
BLAKE (CONT’D)
Fuck.
BLAKE turns over, vaguely foetal, puts his hands down his
pants and leaves it there in a vaguely comforting gesture.
BARROW
The last award tonight we’re going
to celebrate someone’s Lifetime
Achievement. One of the oldest
companies we have here tonight,
TheSystem, changed the face of
gaming fifteen years ago with a
character called Gravy Manhattan.
BARROW (CONT’D)
And the success of that first RPG,
meant they could carry on exploring
and re-working that furrow, right
up until today.
BARROW (CONT’D)
So tonight we applaud that
company’s...consistency of vision.
And their place in history as we
celebrate.....Stacy Black!
As the name called sinks in, JUDE stops her journey and
changes her faux-pas into enthusiastic clapping, as if it’s a
travelling standing ovation.
STACY (PAINED)
Thanks for doing that, Bar. I know
it’s past your bedtime.
21.
The door opens and the WAITRESS from downstairs comes in and
stands by the bed. She’s warm and smiles brightly throughout.
(Fantasy sequence).
WAITRESS (CONT’D)
Don’t do that, don’t be all
sheepish like you didn’t call me
over. What’s it gonna be?
WAITRESS (CONT’D)
You don’t even find me attractive.
But that’s part of it, right?
That’s the - (scrunches up
face/sound of aggression)
WAITRESS (CONT’D)
Or not.
The fantasy isn’t working out. The WAITRESS gets up and back
into customer service mode -
BLAKE sighs, pulls his pants up. He grabs his wallet and a
security pass from the nightstand.
STACY
God, this is what they give you
when you die. This is the phone
call Joe Pesci gets at the end
of.... (mimes gunshot to head)
STACY
Fuck me?! I’m just saying. We can’t
put it on the box this doesn’t mean
anything except you’re done,
retire.
JUDE
You said I was getting it.
STACY
No I didn’t?! I said they were
giving an award -
JUDE
And I should wear something nice.
STACY
I thought we’d go on somewhere.
Ohhhhh. I can see that’d be
confusing.
JUDE
Yeah.
STACY
God I’d be mad.
JUDE
I am fucking mad!
STACY
No, I mean I’d be mad if they gave
it to you. For what, Best Loading
Screen?
23.
STACY
Jude! I’m breaking your balls! J!
JUDE passes:
GUEST (BACKGROUND)
- No it’s about speed, it’s / speed
As she finishes, BLAKE comes out of the lit rec room, rolling
up cable and piling it.
JUDE (V.O.)
When you design a game you’re
creating an experience for a
stranger. It’s a long-distance
seduction. Sprinkling rose petals
from the door to the bed. You just
have to make sure you know what to
do when they get there.
She looks nervous. Her eyes are red. She takes out a tissue
and blows her nose.
JUDE
Excuse me, can I get a landing
card?
‘HELEN’ (BRITISH)
Why don’t you fuck off back home.
And leave my family alone.
BLAKE
Now just, straighten up, no the
other -.... Pull back.
25.
The plane tips and goes hurtling away from the runway, upside
down, towards the ground.
BLAKE (CONT’D)
Okay,...too late.
JUDE
Never too late!
JUDE !
That’s hard and boring.
BLAKE
It’s not a game. It’s to learn how
to not kill actual people.
JUDE
Where’s the fun in that?!
JUDE !
Yeah, my boss is a dick.
BLAKE
I wondered. It’s installed now
anyway. So.
JUDE (NODS)
You wanna see something actually
fun?
JUDE has set BLAKE up playing the Oculus Rift virtual reality
headset. He has the mask on, the headphones. He is completely
sealed.
JUDE ! (SHOUTING)
You okay?
JUDE
You know I thought you were gay at
first. But now I see you move
around I think you’re just...
fancy.
Nothing.
JUDE !
You know right now I could do
anything to you / -
She laughs at him. She puts the pot pen in his mouth. He
smiles around it.
JUDE comes out into the airport terminal and looks around.
BLAKE
You film stuff here?
JUDE !
Mo-cap you know with the -
BLAKE
Oh the things with the... balls?
They’re hilarious.
BLAKE
Whoa!
JUDE !
Obviously not real. We use them for
shooting. Not (mimes gun shooting).
Shooting. (mimes camera shooting)
JUDE ! (CONT’D)
I’ve never seen a man keep his
hands in his pockets in here.
BLAKE
I’m not big into guns.
BLAKE
Am I in trouble?
BLAKE
Do you want me to disarm you?
JUDE
I’d like to see you try(!)
BLAKE
Okay.
You’re very attractive. And A bit
scary.
JUDE
Aww I’m not scary!
BLAKE uses this opportunity to take the pistol from her limp
hand and throw it away.
BLAKE
Done.
BLAKE and JUDE meet up and hug in greeting. She waves him
away from kissing her, indicating she’s ill and doesn’t want
to give it to him. BLAKE re-hugs her in sympathy, pushes her
hair behind her ear.
JUDE and BLAKE have passionate, dirty sex against the wall.
29.
JUDE and BLAKE fuck on the floor. She is flat on her front,
him on her. JUDE starts to make noises like she’s orgasming.
JUDE puts her hand under herself and begins to rub herself
hard.
It’s raining. JUDE and BLAKE are sat in the back of a cab as
it travels in London streetlight.
JUDE
Did you cum...?
JUDE gets out of the cab outside the flat they will be
staying in. She looks up. Her expectant smile becomes a
serious, let down face.
30.
BLAKE
You must be knackered.
BLAKE
I should do you a lemsip.
JUDE
Is that a sex thing?
BLAKE
Please. If you tried to suck me off
you’d suffocate.
BLAKE
Kettle.
JUDE
Black.
BLAKE
It belongs to the flat.
JUDE
We should have something that’s
ours.
BLAKE
We will.
31.
JUDE
No now, we should get something.
BLAKE (UNSURE)
Really?
BLAKE
Is Jude short for any/thing?
JUDE (CONT’D)
Mostly because it’s Blake.
I’m gonna give you a different
name.
She smiles.
JUDE (CONT’D)
....I’m gonna christen you...
JUDE
..It’s yours!?
JUDE is curled up, asleep in bed. JUDE has pink toilet roll
clutched in her hand for her running nose.
BLAKE
You okay?
JUDE ! (NODS)
It’s important, it’s the first time
in the bed, in the country! Oh my
god in the country!
BLAKE (POSH)
We do things differently here.
BLAKE
We’re both virgins.
JUDE
You’re sort of my first. Every
other guy had a bit of his penis
missing
so....
BLAKE
I have all my penis.
BLAKE (CONT’D)
She’s left her. This is - Just.
This’ll really fuck her up.
MIA (O.S.)
..Dad?
BLAKE (O.S.)
Mum had to go on an emergency.
She’s fine. But you’re gonna stay
here.
MIA (O.S.)
Where’s here?
BLAKE (O/S)
Why don’t we get you to the loo
first?
MIA (O.S.)
This bed is funny!
MIA’s FEET pad right towards JUDE’s face under the bed and
stare at her like monsters.
JUDE holds his hand. They hold hands as he calms Mia, and
then, eventually, he drops it. JUDE waits in the dark.
34.
Under the bed, JUDE sees BLAKE kneel down by the bed,
smiling, he offers her his hand.
BLAKE
I care about this. This is what I
love.
BLAKE (CONT’D)
Are you on?
BLAKE smiles and moves his hand down her body to take her
tampon out. His smile drops and he moves down to look.
JUDE
What?
BLAKE (DISTURBED)
Is that string?
JUDE (UNNERVED)
No..What is it?
I can feel it..
BLAKE
It looks.. like a tail.
JUDE jumps out of the bed, afraid. Under the skin of her
breastbone and upper arms a lump scuttles around, then
another. BLAKE stares at her blankly from the bed.
BLAKE
You’ve got mice.
CUT TO:
35.
We see BLAKE lying in bed with a sleeping MIA, his 8 year old
daughter.
JUDE has none of her own clothes, but luckily her purse is on
the floor out here. She looks around for anything else.
BLAKE (WHISPERING)
Are you okay?
JUDE ! (WHISPERING)
Yeah, just -
MIA (O.S.)
Mum?
JUDE sees Blake’s coat. She puts his coat on over her
underwear and his shoes, quickly.
The only other things out there are what they bought from the
petrol station. She looks at the toilet roll.
CUT TO:
JUDE reaches a red post box on the pavement. She has never
seen one before. She pauses and puts her hand in its mouth.
JUDE (V.O.)
I think you’d rather regret the
things you did do, right?
JUDE (V.O.)
And I’m not saying I regret
anything.
JUDE (V.O.)
You can’t help who you love.
JUDE (V.O.)
Or who you don’t.
37.
END