120

UNBEARABLE PJs
1. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience
2. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
Because it was a little horse
3. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.

4. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?

Food was good, but there really wasn’t much
atmosphere.

5. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?

Because she will "let it go, let it go."

6. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because she wanted to go to high school.

7. What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

8. How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints.

9. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
10. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore.

11. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

12. What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me today.

13. What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?

They both need a good batter.

14. Why is the obtuse angle always so frustrated?

Because it’s never right.

15. What do you call guys who love math?

Algebros.

16. How do you stay warm in any room?

Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.

17. Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the

decimal?
Because he would have to convert.

18. Dracula – how do I keep track of all the necks I bite?

Some random guy – count Dracula!!!

19. Why was the math book sad?

Because it had too many problems.
20. Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there’s no point.

21. How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles.

22. What's a cat's favorite magazine?

A cat-alogue.

23. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no-body to go with.

24. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

25. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

26. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?

He was having a bad hare day.

27. How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?

With a hare dryer.

28. How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?

Lots of eggs-ercise.

29. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

30. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a
group?
Just look for the gray hares.

31. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?

14 carrot gold.

32. Why did the robber jump in the shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway.

33. Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii?
They only permit a-low-ha.
34. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I just don't know
y.
35. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
36. I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes
closed!
37. I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a
gram. I was like, 0mg
38. My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?"
He said nothing.
39. Mom texted me to say our Italian restaurant is out of
pasta, and now we’re penneless.
40. We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going
great, but the second floor is another story.
41. I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it
down!
42. My friend couldn't pay his water bill, so I sent him a "get
well soon" card
43. What do you call a line of dads waiting to get haircuts?
The barberqueue!

44. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!

45. What is the most popular time for a dentist

appointment?
Tooth hurty!

46. What happened when the world's tongue-twister

champion got arrested?
They gave him a tough sentence.

47. What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

48. What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a

bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?
Attire!

49. What happens when you put a vest on an alligator?

It becomes an investigator.

50. Have you heard about the rumour of butter? Leave it, I
won’t spread it.

51. what do you call a belt made of watches?

A ‘waist’ of time

52. How about a punctuation joke? It will be a comma d

53. what do you call a fish wearing a bow tie?
Sofishticated

54. if I stab a cereal box, does that make me a cereal/serial

killer

55. What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his
car?
Expensive petroleum (u know, like expecto patronus)

56. why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They might crack up

57. why doesn’t the sun go to college?

Because it has a million degrees.

58. Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

59. the rotation of the earth really makes my day.

60. I have a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.

61. I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll

get a reaction.
62. I have a joke about banking, but I lost interest.

63. I have a joke about immortality, and it never gets old.

64. I have a joke about paper, but it’s tearable.

65. I have a few jokes about retired people, but none of
them work.

66. To the person stole my laptop with my copy of Microsoft

Office on it: I will find you. You have my Word!

67. To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I

have contacts.

68. To the person who stole my place in line: I’m after you
now.

69. To the person who stole my dictionary: I have no words.

70. To the person who stole my bed: I won't rest until I find
you.

71. To the person who stole my depression medication: I

hope you're happy now.

72. What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer?

The space bar.

73. Why shouldn’t you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

74. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

75. If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does
it make you?
An iwitness

76. Can February March?

No, but April May!

77.Mountains aren’t just funny …

They’re hill areas.
78. What’s the best-smelling insect?
A deodor-ant.

79. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.

80. What kind of car does an egg drive?

A Yolkswagen.

81. Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles?
He got over it.

82. Why can’t the sailor learn the alphabet?

Because he keeps getting lost at C.

83. The past, present, and future walked into a bar,

It was tense.
84. Why did the computer catch a cold?
It left a window open.

85. I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but …

I couldn’t find them.

86. Did you hear about the cold and spicy dinner?
It was chili.

87. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one.

88. What do dogs and phones have in common?
Both have collar ID.

89. What happens when doctors get frustrated?

They lose their patients.

90. How do you organize a space party?

You planet

91. What do you call a moose with no name?

Anonymoose.

92. What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog?

A spelling bee.

93. What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered

electricity?
Nothing. He was too shocked.

94. Why did the picture go to jail?

It was framed.

95. What do you call birds that stick together?

Velcrows.

96. Where did the cat go after losing its tail?

The retail store.

97. Why couldn’t the pirate enter the movie thearter?

Because it was rated arrr!

98. What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
What a re-leaf.
99. What did the slow tomato say to the others?
Don’t worry; I’ll ketchup

100. If tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.

101. Humans cut bird houses to make bird houses

102. Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.

103.How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

104. Did you hear about the clock? It got shushed in the
library for tocking too loud.

105. What do you call a knight who hates fighting?

Sir Render.

106. If a fly loses its wings, is it then called a walk?

107. if you sweat in a sweater, doesn’t that make you the

sweater?

108. If the waiter takes too much time to bring your food in a
restaurant, then doesn’t that make you the waiter?

109. Which knight created the round table?

Sir cumference

110.Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-
knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.

111.Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your

mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
112.I once had a dream that I was floating in an ocean of
orange soda. It was more of a fanta-sea.

113.I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but

geometry is where I draw the line.

114. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They’re both ‘Paris-sites.

115.I was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger and
bigger. Then it hit me.
116.What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left
for work?
Bison.
117. Our wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in
tiers. ( tiers are those levels of cake)

118. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She

gave me a hug.

119. How did the beauty school student do on her

manicure test?
She nailed it.

120. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

- Smriti Abhinand

These are all the PJs that will make you wanna strangle me.