A parasitic intelligence puppeteers the dead.

The hivemind is awake, and it wants to make a

deal with FIST.

CREDITS
Created by B. Everett Dutton. Edited by T. H. Cochlin &
Back-Alley Coalition. Based upon the magic system from
Ben Milton’s Maze Rats. Fonts used: Michroma, Space
Grotesk, and Yellow Submarine. Public domain images
from Flickr.
INCOMING TRANSMISSION

[GURGLING, BONES SHIFTING] Felicitations,

sentient Earthlings—allow me to introduce
myself. My people come from far beyond
your icy “Oort Cloud.” We are sociological
empaths; each of the delegation-cultures
which has fanned out from Orion to touch
other worlds are diplomats of the mind
and wanderers stochastic. I am one such
delegation-culture, and my million-million
bodies are not unlike your Earth bacteria
(though my degree of intelligence is, of
course, far higher). My name, transliterated
so that you may pronounce it, is Colony.
For decades now I have lain dormant in the
bodies of your people; I have spread and
multiplied to become a global pathogen
which knows no national borders, no divisions
of culture or class. My integration, which
has been deep and thorough to the level
atomic, has reflected a relationship of
exchange—with each body that I convert
to my purposes, I begin to understand the
human mind, the human heart, that much
more, for you see this is my people’s way—
we come bearing no particular message; we
merely listen until we have learned to speak
your language. Now, after ten Solar years of
total immersion, I am pleased to announce
my newfound purpose, and it is this: to sell
you one-of-a-kind extraterrestrial defense
solutions at low, low prices! [AUDIO ENDS]
 COLONY CATALOG

EXCHANGE RATES
“I am... eager to take that off your hands.”
Colony does not use any form of currency for
transactions; arms of Colony will accept any
items FIST has collected which contain either
noble gases or rare Earth metals. The referee
is encouraged (but not required) to research
the gas/metal content of items presented to
Colony during play—you can roleplay this as
the alien “appraising” the offer. Some common
items which Colony may accept include:
ƬƬ Anesthetic ƬƬ MRI magnets
ƬƬ Balloons ƬƬ Neon signs
ƬƬ Circuit boards ƬƬ Nuclear control rods
ƬƬ Fire extinguishers ƬƬ Spaceship parts
ƬƬ Glow paint ƬƬ Spray cans
ƬƬ Hard drives ƬƬ Street lamps
ƬƬ Lab equipment ƬƬ Tooth fillings
ƬƬ Laser weapons ƬƬ Welding equipment
ƬƬ Industrial fridges ƬƬ Vacuum tubes

STANDARD INVENTORY (Worth two items each)

BACTERIA CANISTER (consumable)

“Ah, the house special...”
Grotesque biomechanical pods which vary in
usefulness (D6 strains are available). Lasts 5-10
minutes. Applied to self or throwable as grenade.

BIO-SUMMONER (consumable)
“The customer is king.”
An alien syringe. Turns any corpse into Colony.

DELUXE INVENTORY (Worth five items each)

ULTRA BACTERIA CANISTER (consumable)

“My biomass to your biomass...”
Any standard canister on offer can also be sold
in this form following a short ritual. Permanent.

BIO-ROUNDS (D6 uses, consumable)

“Look at you—such a discerning customer!”
Use to infect ammo before attacking. Hit targets
take a random Bacteria Canister table effect.
THE CALL FROM COLONY
Twelve hours ago, FIST intercepted a transmission
from a previously unknown alien lifeform, broadcast
simultaneously in multiple languages and clearly
intended for listeners across the globe, but
suppressed by CYCLOPS shortly after the initial
radio burst. The authoritarian organization’s agents
scrambled to memory-wipe or assassinate most
individuals, government or civilian, who received
this transmission. Decoded CYCLOPS internal
communications suggest they intend to exploit
Colony’s miraculous biological makeup for the
production of next-generation bioweapons.

Colony landed on Earth ten years ago, encased in a

geode meteorite which touched down somewhere
in Afghanistan. Since then, the explosion of travel
and civil unrest caused by East-West proxy wars in
the region have turned the sentient alien pathogen
into a covert global pandemic. Colony carriers do
not show symptoms until after death; Colony itself
has little impact on a living body save for strain on
the immune system and a latent sense of anxiety.
Shortly after death, however, Colony microbes
become active in the host’s body, and the greater
hivemind may signal the corpse to rise. Scattered
reports of “the walking dead” in past years have
not given way to some grand apocalypse; instead,
eyewitness descriptions of “hunched, shambling,
pustule-covered zombies” were in fact a handful
of newly-vacated bodies becoming arms of Colony.

SPAWNING COLONY
When the players enter a new location, the
referee should secretly roll a six-sided die. If
the result is an odd number, Colony is in this
region, and the referee should note the area
as “infected.” The first human to die in an
infected area will explode in a cacophony of
wet convulsions as their biological makeup
rearranges. Once the corpse may safely rise,
Colony will make camp and gaily beckon FIST.
If Colony would spawn from a corpse in a new
area but it has already appeared somewhere
else, it moves its camp to the new location.
DOING BUSINESS
Once a dead body has safely risen again as Colony,
it will scrape together a humble camp—perhaps a
crate to sit on, a lantern to see by, and an oil drum
to contain a bonfire. Once situated, the host will
flag down FIST with broad, cadaverous gestures
and carnivalistic flair, offering wares sold at “the
lowest legal prices this side of the Perseus Arm!”

Although Colony has fully absorbed the capitalist

spirit, theory still escapes it, and the pathogen is
uninterested in paper money. Because Colony “does
not know how to exchange money for gold” and
“does not like the taste of gold anyway,” it prefers
to directly accept rare chemical substances in
exchange for its products. This exchange is quite
logical—once converted to a Colony host, the post-
necrotic body requires a radically different selection
of nutrient substances, namely noble gases and
rare Earth metals. If the players give an instance of
Colony these materials, the freshly-fed body can
extrude and secrete a “bacteria canister,” a fleshy,
translucent pod which dances with mesmerizing
light. These pods are a waste product to Colony,
but it knows to market trash as treasure—each
canister contains mutant DNA fragments discarded
from the whole, and can be crushed in one’s palm
(near the radial artery or an equivalent structure)
to trigger an infection with symptoms that may
be tactically useful. Thrown as grenades, they can
infect enemies through exposed orifices.

ADJUDICATING BACTERIAL ABILITIES

The physiological effects of each bacteria
canister are both oddly and vaguely defined
by Colony. Roll 1D6 to determine how many
unique DNA strains are on offer, then roll
them up on the tables to the right. Each pod
should do what the table agrees it sounds
like it should do—feel free to interpret very
loosely. “Frictionless voice” could grant +1
CREATIVE when attempting to smooth-talk;
“sensitive stomach” might just induce IBS.
Effects should harm or heal HP no more than
1D6, and should only change other stats by 1.
 BACTERIA CANISTERS

SYMPTOM (D66)

11. Acidic 41. Indestructible

12. Adhesive 42. Itching
13. Burning 43. Painful
14. Color-changing 44. Petrifying
15. Corrupted 45. Purified
16. Disintegrating 46. Magnetic

21. Dripping 51. Melting

22. Electric 52. Missing
23. Ethereal 53. Radioactive
24. Expanding 54. Regenerating
25. Fortified 55. Stretchy
26. Fragile 56. Sensitive

31. Frictionless 61. Silent

32. Freezing 62. Spasmodic
33. Glowing 63. Toxic
34. Loud 64. Uncontrollable
35. Heavy 65. Wailing
36. Humming 66. Writhing

AREA (D66)

11. Antlers 41. Muscles

12. Arms 42. Nails
13. Aura 43. Nerves
14. Brain 44. Nose
15. Breath 45. Palms
16. Blood 46. Saliva

21. Ears 51. Skin

22. Eyes 52. Skull
23. Heart 53. Slime
24. Feet 54. Stomach
25. Fingertips 55. Swarm
26. Knuckles 56. Sweat

31. Legs 61. Tears

32. Lungs 62. Teeth
33. Intestines 63. Tendrils
34. Joints 64. Throat
35. Hair 65. Tongue
36. Marrow 66. Voice